


The Walkers

by annamorphos



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-04-18
Updated: 2013-09-11
Packaged: 2017-11-03 21:19:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 29
Words: 202,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/386076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annamorphos/pseuds/annamorphos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a shocking discovery, Bella is forced out of her rainy, northwestern home and takes up residence in sunny Jacksonville, Florida. While she expects her life with vampires is over, she is unknowingly moving deeper into supernatural waters.</p><p>"There's always a bigger fish."</p><p>This story is now complete</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: All recognizable aspects of this story are the property of their respective owners. All original aspects of this story, including The Walkers and their history, are mine and are therefore copyrighted. This story is for entertainment purposes only. No copyright infringement intended.

Chapter One

  


I closed my eyes, wishing that I wasn’t there, that everything had not happened, hoping that I was somehow still living in Forks, but I was in the same spot when I reopened them. The interior of the plane was still bland, the stewardesses still seemed fake, and the ones I had once considered family were slowly becoming a distant memory. Even as I tried to remember how Edward had looked the moment he had ripped my heart out, I realized there were noticeable holes in my memory of him.

_I guess my head really is like a sieve._

My stomach gurgled, reminding me I had failed to eat before boarding the plane, and I twisted in discomfort. I knew I should eat, should make some attempt to keep myself healthy, but I just couldn’t find the will to care. All purpose and meaning had vacated my body, expunged from my chest, leaving behind a pulsating wound.  I attempted to redirect my thoughts, but found it nearly impossible; I was either focusing on Edward, Alice…or the rest of the Cullens.

When the captain came on the loudspeaker, I was startled out of my thoughts. He informed the passengers we were beginning our descent into Jacksonville. My heart started to slow down when the intercom cut off, and I glanced out the window. There were sparse clouds in the bright blue sky, and the sun made the ground shimmer below. The difference between where I’d been and where I was going was stark in contrast. Forks had constant cloud cover, with rain soaking the town most of the year. I wasn’t sure what the average rainfall for Jacksonville was, but I was positive it wouldn’t come close to Washington’s.

I took a breath and gripped the armrests as I felt the pain in my chest return.  Despite my better judgment, I thought back to everything that had happened since I first left my mother. I had discovered love, vampires, and heartbreak in less than eight months.

_Funny, it seems so short…now that I’ve lost everything that mattered._  

Edward had ghosted into my life and had left just as quickly—or, had he? The ragged hole in my heart blazed as I remembered the shocking end to my stay in Forks, Washington.

One week; that was how long it had taken for me to regain motion after I had been found. Edward had left me in the middle of the forest in the freezing rain, and I had mistakenly tried to follow him through the trees. I ended up being found by one of the boys from the reservation—three hours after he had vanished. However, that wasn’t the worst of it all…not by a long shot. I sucked in a mouthful of air as one of the most devastating memories came back to me.

-

-

-

_Despite Charlie’s suggestion I take another week off, I’d convinced myself going back to school was the best move.  I wasn’t sure why I made this decision; I couldn’t really see the benefit of it.  The halls of Forks High School would only be a memento of everything I had lost. Regardless, an hour after waking up, I found myself driving into the familiar parking lot._

_Pulling into school was a harsh reminder of the town I lived in; everyone who saw me looked as if they expected me to spontaneously combust. Even Mike, Jessica, Tyler, and Eric, my human friends, were trying not to make it obvious that they were gawking. Apparently, the word had spread about the break up and how I’d been found in the woods. Perfect…even more attention than I desired._

_With a heavy sigh, I started my journey to first period English, a class I had once shared with Edward and Alice, but stopped after only a few steps. Parked in the first spot, closest to the front door, was a familiar shiny, silver Volvo._

_I refused to believe that it was the same one—maybe some student had been inspired by the Cullens and had purchased one just like Edward’s—but the familiar license plate quickly superseded any doubt I had. As my body rediscovered motion, I couldn’t help but stare at the car as I passed it._ The hole, carved in the center of my chest, began to throb.

_I tried my hardest not to run to English, debating with myself the purpose behind their presence. Secretly, I hoped Edward had reconsidered and decided that he wanted me as a distraction for a little longer. That notion was quickly written off; he’d made it quite clear in the forest that he was through with me._

_I stopped a few yards from the door and gasped when I saw Alice glide through the doorway. Hope blossomed inside me; just because he‘d wanted a clean break with me didn't mean Alice and I couldn't be friends. Feeling a bit more positive about the situation, I headed into the classroom and fought back a sob when I saw Edward in his normal seat._

_My eyes lowered to the floor as I passed them, and I tried desperately not to glance in their direction when forced to retrieve my notebook and pencil from my backpack.  Their presence caused knots in my stomach and pains in my entire body, but still I said nothing to them.  I was beginning to wonder if I’d go crazy with all the questions in my head when I heard an achingly beautiful voice call to me._

_“Bella?” Edward’s voice was soft, but still loud enough for me to hear him. I shifted in his direction, cringing when the sight of him caused an increase in my agony, ceasing my ability to breathe. “I’m sorry, I know our being here must seem…unexpected.”_

_“I…uh…um,” I stammered, clearly taken back by his appearance, his voice—his everything. The memories of the past six months came rushing back to me, and I fought the crushing loneliness and rejection that now accompanied them. Regardless of the pain, I put forward my best smile, which was more like a grimace. “Yeah, I was starting to question your definition of ‘not existing.’”_

_I didn’t mean to sound so snarky, but it definitely came out that way.  A devious smirk appeared on Alice’s—who was sitting behind him—face. My face had heated up as I flushed and quickly turned to the front of the class, embarrassed._

_“Yes,” Edward answered with a chuckle that sent tingles up my spine. “Well, Carlisle applied to take part in a ten month research study involving breast cancer. It’s not nationwide, or anything, but it would attract undue attention if he suddenly pulled out. So, we’re here until the end of the summer.”_

_“Oh,” was the only response I had, understanding exactly what he hadn’t said. He was there because he couldn’t leave without jeopardizing the anonymity of his family’s secret—not because he wanted to be with me. The information set my insides ablaze and threatened to turn me into a pile of ash. As the tears I held back tried to break through, I wondered how I was still standing._

_“Bella.” I glanced over and noticed that Edward looked even more pained than I did. However, his face hardened quickly and his golden eyes flashed in the fluorescent lights. “My being here certainly doesn’t change anything.”_

_“I...I... n-never said it did.”_

 -

-

-

 

“Miss?” The stewardess tapped me on the shoulder with an impatient expression on her face. “Are you all right?”

I glanced around the plane, finding it relatively empty, and noticed we had already arrived at the airport. My face flushed when I realized I had reminisced through the entire landing process. The woman continued to stare at me, the look on her face growing more and more disturbed by the minute. So, to save us both the awkwardness, I muttered something about being tired, retrieved my carry-on luggage and headed out of the aircraft, pretending I didn’t hear the errant whispers trailing behind me.

The Jacksonville Airport was smaller than the one in Seattle and not nearly as busy. I skulked over to the baggage claim and waited in a line with others I recognized from my flight.  A few yards away, I could see the food court shining like a beacon, and my stomach growled in response to the thought of food.  I hadn’t eaten the snacks the airline had provided, nor any form of breakfast, and I was suffering because of it.

A buzzing sound caught my attention moments before the conveyor belt began to spin, and I knew it was only a matter of time before the bags would come. Unfortunately, as the seconds ticked by, the wheels in my head began turning and my mind recalled a much similar incident.  There was another time when I had been waiting for something—or more like someone.

-

-

-

 

_In spite of what Edward had said in the forest, the Cullens were still in Forks. I had seen Edward and Alice in school, but had yet to see evidence of the remaining Cullens. Part of me was beginning to wonder if I was imagining the two figures sitting next to me in school; was I so desperate that I had taken to imagining those things? However, after seeing the instructors speak to them in class, I felt somewhat relieved._

_Ever since that first day, when Edward had reminded me that nothing had changed, I had received nothing but silence from the two Cullens. Even when we were paired up for an in-class assignment, they did all the work before distancing themselves from me. It was at times like those where I would simply wait out the remainder of class in the bathroom, tears pouring down my cheeks. I wasn’t sure which was worse: Edward and Alice being there, silent as ghosts, or disappearing completely._

_I just wanted to speak to Alice, for her to tell me everything was going to turn out okay for me, like old times. There was so much I wanted to say to her, so many questions I needed answered. As I walked to History class, I saw the tiny pixie leave the room and walk to the water fountain. Knowing she didn’t need water told me that she was trying to mask her inhumanity by acting human. It was my chance._

_Without stopping, I made a beeline for her, not sure what I planned on saying.  Before long I was standing right behind her._

_“Alice.” I couldn’t believe how weak and hollow my voice sounded. When she didn’t move from the water fountain, I continued. “Please talk to me. I need you, Alice…more than ever.”_

_At that, she turned around and stared at me with dead eyes. There was no emotion there, just vacant space where life once dwelled._

_“You said I was like the sister you never had,” I muttered and my bottom lip quivered slightly. “Did you mean it—or were you just trying to make me feel welcome when I really wasn’t?”_

_Silence._

_“Why won’t you speak to me?” I couldn’t fathom why she would do that, or why she would continue to stare at me like I was speaking a foreign language to her.  We had been such good friends; why did that have to change? “Alice?”_

_As the bell above rang twice, warning the students that class was about to begin, Alice pulled out a compact mirror and checked her appearance before flitting across the hallway through the open door. All I could do was stand there and feel another piece of me shatter to dust, realizing that everything I believed about Alice Cullen was a lie._

_-_

_-_

_-  
_

Static from the loudspeaker above shook me from my memories; I was chagrined to realize I was the only one still standing at the baggage claim. I picked up my suitcase from the spinning platform and headed toward the front of the airport.

Despite the probability Renee and Phil were waiting for me, I decided to stop and get some form of sustenance. The food court wasn’t elaborate, or fully stocked, but they did have a small café with fresh sandwiches, salads, and coffee. While I wasn’t much of a coffee person, I found my mouth watering over the turkey and Swiss cheese sandwich, promptly paying for it.

Once I took a seat at one of the tall tables, I switched on my cell phone and noticed I had three text messages from my mother. One told me they’d be there to pick me up; the second mentioned they were running late; the third said they were waiting at the front of the airport, by the American Airlines counter.

I smiled softly, feeling how much I had missed my erratic mother and sent them a text explaining that I had stopped for a quick bite to eat before heading out. Without waiting to see if she’d reply right away, I unwrapped my meal and began to eat quickly. I was halfway through the second part of the sandwich when I realized this was the first time I’d eaten since the night before. The thought made me uneasy, and in an effort to chase away the negative thoughts that were arising, I decided to people watch.

It wasn’t as much fun as it had been in other airports. The best people watching I’d ever experienced was at the Los Angeles airport, LAX, after an impromptu visit to the west coast with Renee. There had been more people than I could count. Of course, I was very little at the time.

As the moments went by—the time between travelers becoming longer and longer—I started to look inward for entertainment. I had so many memories associated with airports—too many to count. As I looked down at my sandwich, the majority of it eaten, I was mentally pushed into the past once again.

 -

-

-

_For the past five days, I had been blatantly ignored by Alice and Edward, finally reaching my boiling point. If Edward wanted me out of his life, that was fine. It hurt, but there was nothing I could do about it. I needed Alice._

_I made the decision a few minutes before the end of my Advanced Trig class, the one class I didn’t share with Alice or Edward; I would find Alice before lunch and not let her leave until she spoke to me. All I wanted was one word, or syllable, from Alice to let me know she’d heard me. Even if she told me to go away and leave her alone, it would still be something. Maybe it was a desperate, ridiculous, and pointless effort, but I still planned on doing it anyway_

_After class, I walked over toward the cafeteria, remembering Edward and I would always beat her there. However, as I moved at a snail’s pace and waiting for her to make an appearance, I realized that she was either already inside or was running really late. Without stopping to think for too long, I entered the lunch room and stopped._

_Across the space, I could see Edward and Alice were already seated at their normal table by the window, and sitting beside them with Edward’s arm draped over her shoulder, was Jessica Stanley. The three of them laughed hysterically, as we once did together. My stomach felt heavy, and I fought the urge to vomit right there on the floor._

_Edward hated Jessica; he told me so himself. So, why would he act like she was a friend of his? Unless…she was his new distraction? The very thought of Jessica supplanting me at Edward’s side was abhorred, and I fought against it. Would Edward do such a thing? Pick someone I knew as a distraction?_

He’d rather be with someone he hates…than be with me _, I thought morosely and hung my head. As I pondered the turn of events, Jessica glanced over and, with a haughty smile, waved at me. With that final nail into my coffin, I turned and walked out the door._

_The clouds in the sky had gotten progressively darker throughout the school day, and I noticed they were almost black as I walked outside. Without stopping to note how cold the wind was, I moved into the courtyard and took a seat on one of the many stone benches. The students sitting on the lawn began to take shelter in nearby buildings.  I didn’t._

_I still couldn’t believe that they could do such a thing. How could Edward pick Jessica as a distraction? How could Alice let him do that to me? How could Jessica be so callous? Was no one on my side? I felt a trail of moisture run down my cheek, and I reached up to wipe away the tear. There was no sense crying over it. Edward had made his choice; I had to live with it._

_A few more drops of water trailed down my face, and it took me a moment to realize what was happening. The sky had opened up and provided Forks with its own personal waterfall. I felt a bit of pressure on my shoes and found puddles forming around my ankles. In spite of the cold water seeping through my clothing, I remained where I was._

_“Bella!” A familiar voice called to me from far away, and I lifted my gaze to see Eric Yorkie standing underneath an overhanging awning, beckoning me with both hands. “What are you doing? Get out of the rain!”_

_Before I could answer him, I caught sight of Angela running across the courtyard, towel in one hand umbrella in the other.  She stopped in front of me, thrusting the umbrella over my head, and turned over her shoulder._

_“Eric!” She practically had to scream over the large blasts of thunder. “Come help me!”_

_He narrowed his eyes at her doubtfully, but quickly flipped the hood of his sweater over his head and ran in our direction.  Once there, Angela forced the umbrella in his hands while she wrapped the towel around my shoulders._

_“Don’t worry, Bella,” she said softly and sympathetically. “We’ve got you.”_

_The two of them wrapped their arms around my waist and escorted me into the main building. I was thankful they didn’t take me back into the cafeteria; the last thing I needed was for Jessica and the Cullens to focus on me. I had suffered enough embarrassment for the day._

_Once in the warm building, I realized just how wet my clothes were. The material clung to me and the water felt a few degrees warmer than ice.  My teeth began to chatter, and I instinctively wrapped my arms around myself, but the discomfort I felt over the frigid water was nothing compared to the emotional wound I had received._

_“I can’t believe she would do that,” Angela was grumbling to Eric as she blotted my hair and clothes with the towel. I had never seen Angela so angry, and the puckered face she was making was borderline hilarious. If I hadn’t been so devastated, I probably would have chuckled. “Bella’s never been anything but nice to her and this is how she repays her? Someone should really punch her in the face!”_

_“N-N-N…” I attempted to tell them that no one needed to tell anyone anything. Edward had chosen Jessica over me; there was nothing anyone could do._

_“And I’m astounded that Edward would act like that.” Angela growled, her voice getting noticeably more hostile. “I mean, I understand that break ups happen and everything, but did he have to be so cruel?”_

_“Yeah, I know,” Eric agreed, shaking his head. “I still don’t understand what she saw in Cullen. He’s just not a nice person, you know? None of them are. Did you see how quickly the short one shoved Bella off?”_

_I tried to distance myself from their conversation, but it was extremely difficult. Whenever I heard the name “Cullen,” my ears automatically tuned in to whatever was being said; it was as if my body had been reprogrammed to seek out anything having to do with the elusive family. Even then, while my clothes were sopping wet, I was still hanging on to Angela and Eric’s every word._

_“Hey, guys, what’s up?”_

_I groaned, internally, in response to the bright, cheerful voice belonging to Mike Newton. He had never missed the opportunity to hit on me—even when Edward and I had been a couple. Standing there, though, he balked at the sight of me before laughing heartily._

_“What happened, Bella?” Despite the humorous tone in his voice, I saw a flash of genuine concern in his eyes as he wrapped his arm around my shoulders. He really was a good person, and a great friend to have—if only friendship was all he wanted. “Did you get stuck in the rain?”_

_“S-Something l-l-like th-that,” I muttered through chattering teeth._

_“Well, I think that’s the best I can do with this,” Angela said with a huff and leaned away from me, towel in hand. “Bella, would you like to go to the nurse? I think they might have some dry clothes you can use.”_

_I didn’t want to go. The nurse and I had an unfriendly relationship; anyone who came in more than once a month did. However, the thought of sitting next to Alice and Edward like that swayed my decision. The humiliation would be too much to bear, especially since Jessica was in my next class, as well._

_“Okay.” Angela said with a determined expression, looping one of her arms around my waist after I had agreed to go to the nurse. However, it was quite evident she wasn’t strong enough to escort me on her own, which pained me with guilt. She shouldn’t have had to do it anyway—I should’ve been able to take myself._

_“Let me help you,” Mike said, wrapping his arm around me with a warm smile._

_-_

_-_

_-  
_

The vibration of my cell phone snapped me out of my thoughts. My mother had text me, wondering where I was and questioning why it was taking so long for me to finish eating. Glancing at the clock on the wall, I was shocked to realize I had been sitting at the table for about twenty minutes. Without stopping, I threw away my garbage, picked up my luggage and began power-walking to the front of the airport.

The pain had started coming in regular intervals, and I tried my best to fight against it.  There were little things in the airport that sidelined me, bringing back memory after memory. The worst had been a bathroom with two entrances, which had made me think of my encounter with James.  My knees weakened, and not wanting to risk freaking out in the airport, I kept my eyes focused on the floor.

I also made a vain attempt to stand up straighter, realizing that Renee might see my awkward posture and worry. Then again, my mother was relatively unobservant when it came to those things. There was a chance she would hardly even notice.

As I rounded the corner, I couldn’t help the overwhelming emotions I felt when I saw my mom and Phil standing beyond the glass doors. Despite being caught up in her own world, Renee was great at being there for me when I needed a shoulder or an ear. She had been there through my first crush, my first bully, and through my first heartbreak.

I picked up my pace and found myself in Renee’s arms within moments of exiting the airport. Once the warmth of her embrace enveloped me, the tears began to stream down my face. Sometime, in between the “I missed you” and the “we’re glad you’re back,” I had been passed from Mom to Phil. Although I thought he was a little young for her, Phil was an amazing guy and equally easy to get along with. As his arms tightened around me, he whispered, “Everything’s going to be okay,” into my ear.

That was the very first time anyone had used those words since Edward had broken up with me.

When we separated, all of us red-faced and out of breath, Phil took my luggage, and we headed to the car. The entire time, my mother was gripping me tenaciously, almost like she was afraid I’d disintegrate should she release me. How wise my mother could be at times.

I quickly got the impression that Charlie had coached Mom and Phil on the events that led to the move. Even though I hoped I was wrong, the side glances and facial expressions were dead giveaways. I did my best to ignore them, but it was tough.

I was happy when the silence finally ceased, and Renee began to fill me in on the house I was moving into. Renee and Phil had purchased a waterfront property—Mom always did love to swim—back in March. As we sat in the humid car, she elaborated on the details she’d given me when they had first bought it.

“You have your own bathroom,” she gushed, gesturing wildly in her usual manner and shifted in her seat to look at me. “It’ll be just like old times, honey.”

I smiled lightly but remained quiet in the back seat. Despite her anticipation and insistences, things would not be like old times. The scars I bore were going to stay with me for a very long time. Everything that would have pleased me about the new house, the move, and life would only serve as a reminder of everything I’d lost. Renee had always used the phrase “Home is where the heart is” to describe each house we’d lived in when I was younger. If that saying were true, then my heart was up in the clouds…with Edward.

It was a fifteen-minute drive from the airport to the house, and Mom filled every second with chatter. She informed me about her job as a substitute teacher at the elementary school down the street, the names of the neighbors, the yoga class she had taken up on Saturday mornings, and, most importantly, the school I would be attending.

“We’re scheduled for a walk-through with the principal tomorrow,” she said as we pulled up to the house.  “Make sure you get up early—our tour starts at ten in the morning.”

I groaned, remembering that my body was still on Washington time, but agreed anyway.

The house was possibly the biggest Renee had ever lived in. It was one story but wide and surrounded by trees. Beyond the structure, I could see a small dock leading to the sparkling waters of a lake. I sighed a little, content that my mother was being taken care of, before letting Renee and Phil escort me inside.

They gave me a short tour—Phil could see I was tired and wanting of a shower—which was in my bedroom. The walls of my room were a pallid yellow color, with strange paintings on the walls, and a full size bed in the center. It had to be at least twice the size of my room in Forks, which wasn’t necessarily a good thing. However, as I spied the door that led to my own private bathroom, I nodded in approval.

“Well,” Phil said, resting his hand on my mom’s shoulder. “We’ll let you get comfortable.”

“We’ll be in the living room…if you need anything,” Renee said nervously and left the room in a bit of a hurry.

Phil shook his head when I gave him a look that questioned my mom’s sudden departure. “We’re really happy you’re home, Bella.”

With that, he turned and shut the door behind him, leaving me alone in my new room…in my new life.

I stood there for a moment, not exactly sure what I was supposed to do, appraising the place that was meant to be my new home. As the seconds passed, and the reality of the situation sunk further in, my composure crumbled. I sank to my knees, overcome with despair, and I felt my body begin to writhe as the memories returned.

 -

-

-

_The tears were pouring down my face as I drove through the wet streets of Forks. After receiving some dry clothes from the nurse, I was granted time to go home and change. I found it very strange, seeing as Nurse Hammond would rather me suffer through the day in sweat-stained loaner clothes than allow me any form of comfort. However, instead of speculating her motives, I seized the opportunity to leave campus. It was on the way out to my truck when I had the revelation—when I realized exactly what I had to do._

_The previous week, Renee had extended an invite to come live with her again. I had deluded myself into thinking that my place was in Forks with my memories of Edward. However, after discovering the Cullens were still in town—and that they wanted nothing to do with me—the one thing I wanted to do was run._

_The moment I was inside my house, I was up the stairs, desperate to get out as fast as possible should I change my mind. I packed my suitcases in less than twenty minutes and gathered my toiletries in even less time. Staring at my empty closet and bare shelves, I realized there was something I had forgotten to do; I’d forgotten to tell Charlie._

_I made the decision to wait until he got home before I told him. There was no reason why his job should suffer, because I was having a meltdown. I also knew he was going to be very upset, and would attempt to convince me to stay, just as he had when I’d left during Spring Break. Although the circumstances had been different, I couldn’t believe Edward was making me leave home for the second time in less than a year._

_The hours passed by quickly, possibly because I was dreading the conversation with my dad, and before I knew it, Charlie was unlocking the front door. I was sitting in the living room when he came in, and judging by the look on his face, he wasn’t happy._

_“Would you like to tell me why you left school, young lady?” Charlie’s nostrils flared, but he couldn’t hide the panic in his eyes. I could easily tell that he was extremely worried about me. “I come back to the office to find a message from Ms. Cope saying that you never came back after something involving clothes.” I remained silent. “What’s going on, Bells? Is this about him leaving?”_

_“The Cullens are still in Forks,” I said and shuddered at my own words, all the painful events that had led to this moment crushed me. “Edward and Alice are in school.”_

_Charlie’s face showed many emotions—anger, shock, pity, and caution—before he took a seat beside me on the couch. We were silent for a few minutes, both of us staring at the other, not sure what to say._

_“And…” Charlie motioned for me to continue._

_“And they want nothing to do with me,” I responded and felt my chest heave as I struggled to choke the words out._

_“Why that miserable bastard…I should go over…no, I should call Carlisle...I should…argh!” For a moment, I thought Charlie was going to kill someone. I’d never seen him that furious before. However, after a few seconds, he took a deep breath and said, “What do you want to do, Bells?”_

_“I…uh,” I stammered, suddenly feeling embarrassed about my decision. “I was thinking about taking Mom up on her offer.”_

_“Oh.” Charlie’s shoulders fell, and his gaze found the floor._

_“I just think it’s for the best,” I rationalized and tried to get my dad to look at me. “This could be a fresh start.”_

_“Are you really going to let him chase you off?” Charlie’s head snapped up as he spoke, and I was shocked at the anger in his eyes. “You’re really going to leave home because of some boy?”_

_I didn’t know what to say; everything Charlie said was the truth. But what more could I do? Knowing that Edward was showering Jessica with affection was hardly bearable; seeing it would kill me. I had to preserve whatever form of dignity I still had._

_“Bells, if you think this is a good idea, I’ll support you,” Charlie hedged and ran a hand through his hair. “I just hate to lose you again.”_

_“You won’t lose me, Dad,” I promised and offered him a smile, or as close to one as I could manage. “I could visit—or we could do San Diego again.” He nodded, halfheartedly. “We’ll figure something out.”_

_“All right, kiddo,” Charlie said, defeated. “When are you planning on leaving?”_

_“Uh,” I glanced down at my suitcases, “today.”_

_“How about tomorrow?” Charlie glanced at the clock. “It’s a four hour drive to Seattle, Bells, and a long flight on top of that.”_

_I conceded and retreated to my room for the rest of the night, taking time to set my alarm clock for six in the morning, and when the sun rose the next day, I was ready to go. Charlie was less compliant, and I had to continuously poke my head in his room to make sure he had actually woken up. I did feel a little bad for making him get up so early, so I made it up to him by scrambling some eggs._

_It took us five and a half hours to pack up the car, drive to Seattle, and purchase my one way ticket to Florida. The previous night, Charlie had called and let Renee know what was happening; so there was no worry that Mom would be surprised, or that I would be stranded at the airport._

_Charlie and I hugged one another, an awkward move for both of us, but as the seconds passed, neither one of us tried to pull away. The past eight months had brought us closer together, and I was thankful for it. In fact, I actually felt like I’d miss my dad._

_As the aircraft pulled away, I peered out the window and spied my dad waving slowly to me. I knew he wouldn’t see me, but I did it anyway. I stared out the window until we were high in their air. Once the ground was a spot below, I leaned back and chuckled. I laughed because, a few seconds prior, I had thought I’d seen someone standing behind Charlie. He had a familiar mop of bronze hair, wearing a blue shirt, with extremely pale skin. That was ridiculous, of course; why would Edward have come to see me off?_


	2. Chapter Two

Chapter Two

  


The following morning was a brutal reminder of what time zone I’d come from. After hours of tossing and turning, I’d finally been able to fall asleep around four in the morning. Unfortunately, that had made waking up with my alarm at nine in the morning extremely difficult. On top of that, I’d suffered through horrible nightmares of Edward leaving hand-in-hand with Jessica. Phil had been forced to shake me awake from my screaming fit twice. Collectively, I was probably sitting on about four hours of sleep.

With an additional stretch, I pushed my languid body upright and stumbled drowsily into the bathroom. Looking at myself in the mirror was a surreal experience, and it took a few minutes of reassurance to believe it was actually me. It was painfully obvious that my week of malnutrition had taken its toll. The girl in the mirror had sad eyes, sallow cheeks, and a grimace that belonged to an old woman. I quickly splashed water on my face, hoping it would change what I saw; it didn’t.

I showered and dressed for the day—opting for a regular, white t-shirt and a pair of jeans—and made my way into the kitchen. Phil was sitting at the table, reading the paper. He raised his coffee cup to me as I entered. I was thoroughly embarrassed about the previous night, and I quickly skittered to my seat, avoiding eye contact with him. Renee, however, was bent over the stove—spatula in one hand, sizzling skillet in the other. To anyone else, this would have seemed ordinary, but they’d never seen her in the kitchen. A shot of panic hit me, and I remembered the many times the fire department had been called because of Mom’s cooking binges. 

“Mom?” I had jumped out of my seat the moment I’d laid eyes on the spatula, escaping to a few feet away from her. “What are you doing?”

Phil started to laugh, and I gave him a perplexed look. He had been there during several of my mother’s cooking fiascos, so I couldn’t fathom how he could find any humor in this situation.

Renee, on the other hand, turned around and produced a pile of yellow, fluffy, delicious-smelling scrambled eggs. “I’m making breakfast,” she announced happily, gesturing with the skillet. “Would you like some?”

“Sure,” I replied hesitantly. After deciding everything looked remotely edible, I returned to my seat. As soon as Renee had refocused her attention on the stove, I whispered to Phil, “So, when did she become _Martha Stewart_?”

“One of her colleagues has been taking a weekend cooking class,” Phil explained, setting down his paper and coffee cup. He threw my mother a sideways glance that sent a streak of pain through my body—there was so much love and tenderness in his eyes, it was difficult to bear. “She decided to go with her one Saturday, and she loved it so much that she made it a regular thing. She’s perfected breakfast. Next week they’re starting on Italian recipes.”

“All right,” Renee said with extra inflection in her voice, and she set down a few dishes covered with scrambled eggs, bacon, and biscuits in front of us. “Who’s hungry?”

I filled my plate with a sampling of everything. After silently hoping nothing would make me sick, I took a bite of the eggs. Saying that her culinary skills had improved was an understatement! The scrambled eggs were light, fluffy, and cooked all the way through. The bacon was crispy, but not burnt, and the biscuits were equally delicious as well. After having the bare minimum of sustenance the day before, I was fully prepared to gorge myself. However, as Renee and Phil kissed one another softly and gave each other that long, loving gaze, I quickly found my hunger being overwhelmed by my own misery. After that, I picked at my food and apologized to Renee, commenting that my sleep deprivation was affecting my hunger.

“That’s okay, honey,” Renee remarked and patted my hand, her brow indenting in concern. “I understand you’re depressed right now. No one is going to try and force you to do anything you don’t want to do.”

_My mother … always the tactful one._

After the awkwardness of breakfast had passed, Mom and I piled into the car and headed to Jackson High School.  Before we left, Renee had informed me the Principal was out sick, so instead, the Vice Principal, Mr. Jones would be our escort for the afternoon. I took an instant liking to Mr. Jones; he reminded me of Charlie in so many ways. From his mannerisms to his facial hair, I had a hard time keeping my composure around him; I missed my father so much.

After an hour of boring lectures on school spirit, the faculty, and the award winning art department, Mr. Jones finally started to navigate back towards the main office.  I anxiously picked up my pace, wanting nothing more than to sprint down the hallways and free myself of this prison. It wasn’t that Jackson High was a bad school or anything—a best-selling novelist was teaching a few of the Literature classes—it was just difficult not to think of Edward and Alice. What were they doing? Did they miss me even just a little? Was Edward taking Jessica home to meet his family? The idea of Jessica frolicking around his bedroom, running her hands all over his belongings made me want to throw up, and I quickly pushed the thought from my mind.

“What do you think?” Renee sidled up to me and smiled. “Is it okay? There’s a private school up the road if this isn’t a fit.”

I vehemently shook my head; private education, with their uniforms and strict rules, had always scared me as a child. “It’s fine.”

“Are you sure?” Renee stopped me before I walked into the main office, a bit of panic in her eyes. “Bella, I want you to be comfortable here in Jacksonville—I want to help you.”

 As I gazed into her eyes, I knew what I had to do; I had to lie to my mother. I knew if I was completely honest with her, she’d make my happiness her goal in life; I couldn’t do that to her. She was happy here with Phil, and I couldn’t ruin it for her.  So, I sighed and smiled at her before saying, “It’s really fine, Mom, honestly. I mean, it’s a school—just like … Forks and Phoenix—but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Please don’t worry about me. I’m going to be—oof!”

A huge weight shoved me forward, and I tumbled to the ground. Renee yelped, cradling me to her body, and proceeded to bark at whoever had run into me. When I finally regained my composure, I turned and found a massive police officer with a girl around my age, in handcuffs, standing above us. As I struggled to my feet, I noticed the girl’s heart-shaped face sported a massive bruise, stretching from her right temple to her chin, while her bottom lip had been busted open and was currently bleeding onto her shirt. The cop muttered his apologies, handed Renee a business card, and pulled the disgruntled girl down the hallway.

“Now, Mrs. Dwyer, if you would—“ Mr. Jones exited the office, and upon seeing us on the floor, was immediately at our side. “Oh, my lord! What on earth happened?”

“That muscle-headed jerk almost gave Bella a concussion!” Renee growled and pointed down the hall where the police officer was still visible.

“Are you all right, Bella?” Mr. Jones helped me to my feet. “Would you like to see the school nurse?”

“No, thank you. I’m all right.” I dusted off my pants and glanced down the hall. The sight of a police officer had reminded me of Charlie, but the force this man had shown was contrary to my father’s character. Even when he would pull someone over for speeding, Charlie was very considerate and kind. He was there to serve and protect; he took his job seriously. “What was that about anyway?”

“Unfortunately, you find those types in every school,” Mr. Jones answered with a sigh and shook his head. “We do our best with every student that enters those doors, but …”

“You can’t save all of them,” Renee finished, and they both shared a nod.

After all the excitement, filling out school forms seemed strangely welcoming.  I had always filled out my own paperwork, but this time Renee wanted to help.  We bickered about it before I gave in and let her take over.  However, I did insist that I look over it before she turned it in; I never knew what Mom would write if I didn’t.

While she talked with the Vice Principal some more, I sat and pondered the girl I had seen in handcuffs.  Although there had been student fights at my school in Phoenix, I’d never seen something like that in person. I’d seen vampires fight one another and had almost witnessed my own demise at the hands—or tires—of Tyler’s van, but never a human fight. I cringed as I recalled the girl’s split lip, and how much blood had accumulated on her shirt.

I chased away the thoughts of the blood and fights, and instead, I focused on the pictures posted on the wall of the office. There were old photos of when the school was first opened, a portrait of Andrew Jackson—the school’s namesake—and a semi-large portrait of a rather dashing man. He was lightly tanned, with a strong jaw, almond shaped, brown eyes, similar to mine, and dark hair. The caption beneath the image read: _Declan Quinn, Principal._

“Bella, we’re all set,” Renee said, coming up from behind me with Mr. Jones.

“Mr. Jones?” I glanced back at the portrait, pointing to the man in the image. “Is this the principal?”

“Yes, ma’am,” Mr. Jones replied and moved beside me, brushing some dust from the frame. “That’s him—he’s been out for a few days now with a bad stomach bug, but he’ll be here for your first day of school.”

“He looks really young,” Renee commented. “Certainly the youngest principal I’ve seen.”

I didn’t necessarily agree with her; the principal in my elementary school had been in his late twenties. Principal Quinn looked like he was in his mid to late thirties.

“We’re lucky to have him,” Mr. Jones answered quickly. “He’s really turned this school around.”

The conversation pretty much died after that, and after thanking Mr. Jones for the tour, Renee and I left the school. We were on our way home when Mom suddenly deviated and jumped onto the freeway. When I asked what she was up to, she answered, “We’re going to the mall.”

“Why?” I tried to keep the distress from my voice, but it was useless. My mother knew how much I detested shopping, so why on earth would she submit me to this torture? “I have plenty of clothes.”

“You’re starting at a new school,” Renee said as she took a turn off, and I could see the beginnings of a giant shopping mall. “Your fresh start begins with a new look.”

I was positive that Alice would be laughing maniacally if she could see me now. Of course, I quickly reminded myself how wrong that assessment was; Alice didn’t care about me. She was probably back in Forks, spending time with Jessica and Edward. I sucked in a mouthful of air and tried to push those thoughts away, but it was almost impossible.  I desperately needed something to distract me.

“Bella?” I turned and found my mother staring at me, worried. “If it’s too much, we can go some other time.”

“No,” I insisted and shook my head, trying to be convincing. “It’s a great idea, Mom.”

“Are you sure?” She narrowed her eyes skeptically.

“Yeah,” I lied with a smile. “Sorry, I’m just a little tired—I’m still on Washington time.”

The conversation dwindled after that, and by the time we reached the mall, we were absolutely silent. It wasn’t that I hated talking with my mother; we just didn’t have much to talk about. Scientifically speaking, my mother and I were on two separate thought frequencies. She was right-brain dominant—an artistically inclined daydreamer—while I was left-brain dominant—studious, academic, and serious.

When I was much younger, I had wished I could be more like her. I had desperately wanted to be out-going, willy nilly, and carefree. However, as I grew older and saw how the bills rarely got paid, I started to change my mind.  While Renee bounced across the parking lot towards the mall, I couldn’t help but worry she would spend too much.  According to her, Phil had gotten a semi-large raise recently, and they had enough money to splurge now and then. I was slightly relieved, but still didn’t relish the idea of spending the next couple hours shopping.

I wasn’t sure which was worse: shopping with Alice or Renee. Alice would not only find clothes for herself, she’d look for me as well. Renee, on the other hand, would start out looking for me and then end up shopping for herself.  Shopping with Alice, I had no time to myself. In fact, there were several occasions where she had insisted on being in the dressing room with me. Shopping with Mom was a pain because I had to give honest opinions. As Renee changed in the dressing room, I was outside trying desperately to keep myself from falling apart while still giving sound criticisms.

An hour or so later, Renee and I headed to the food court, and I couldn’t help but marvel at the abundance of bags sitting under our table—all of them belonging to her. Since she had met Phil, my mother had lost about fifteen pounds and had to purchase new clothes. She looked great, and I could tell she was happier than ever. I sipped on my soda while she told me about her Saturday yoga classes, and she insisted I join her.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Mom,” I commented with a laugh. “I’m a little low on my accident quota this time of year—no need to tempt the fates.”

“You certainly have a point,” Renee agreed with an apologetic grimace. “Well, at least think about, okay? It really helps me to center myself and clear my head—might work for you, too.”

We fell back into our easy conversation, and I did my best to appear interested in what she had to say, especially given that hearing her stories made the pain seem a little easier to bear. However, as she launched into an epic description of cleaning up Phil’s vomit during his bout with the flu, something caught my eye.

She came up the escalator, her black hat masking everything except her face. She moved quickly across the food court, tossing side glances at those who passed her. Despite the hat, I knew she was the same girl I’d seen in handcuffs almost two hours earlier. From where I sat, I could make out the purpling bruise on her face and the dark slit across her lip where it had been bleeding. She moved through the area, dancing around those who got in her way, and ultimately took a seat at a table far against the wall.  She pulled her hat off and ran a hand through her short, blonde hair. When I turned back to my mom, finding nothing shocking about the girl, I noticed three others were moving in the same manner.

Three boys stalked through the food court and sat beside her.  The four of them were all dressed differently, but there was one similar aspect: all three of them wore knee high black boots. As I continued to observe them, they leaned in towards one another, as if sharing a secret, and began to laugh hysterically.

“Bella?” Renee’s voice pulled my attention back, and I found her looking at me curiously. “Is something wrong?”

I glanced back at the group right as the girl looked in my direction. Not wanting to be caught staring, I shifted back to my mother. “No—I just thought I recognized one of those kids.”

“Oh, well,” Renee said, glancing over my shoulder, and smiled. “Are you ready for some more shopping?”

-

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My feet and arms were numb by the time we returned home. How on earth we’d managed to spend six hours at the mall was beyond me, but I was semi-thankful that I had managed to find some tolerable ensembles.  As I carried the four shopping bags to my room, I couldn’t help but feel a little more optimistic about … everything. Maybe Mom was right; I just needed a fresh start.

I smiled as I hung up my new clothes, but as I glanced at my untouched, still packed luggage, I knew my happiness was short lived.  As I opened the case, intending on hanging up my clothes, the familiar smell of Charlie’s house washed over me, and I had to fight the loss of feeling in my stomach.  The scent of my father and Forks brought back so many memories that I didn’t want, and I anxiously shut the suitcase top. Without thinking, I crossed the room and opened the window, filling the space with the humid air from outside.  I stuck my head through the open window and inhaled deeply, trying to clear my nose of the remnants of my old life. I knew I was being ridiculous. I mean, I had to get my clothes out of my suitcase eventually, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. _Maybe later._

The next few hours were spent inspecting the back of the property, and when the sun started to disappear in the horizon, Renee called me in for dinner. Instead of utilizing her recently acquired culinary skills, she and Phil had ordered pizza. They were trying for a simplistic family dinner; however, it only served to remind me of my father.  While Mom and Phil tore into the pizza, I picked at the one slice on my plate.

“So, Bella,” Phil said after his third slice, smiling sincerely. “How was Jackson High? Did you like it?”

“Yeah, I guess,” I answered truthfully, trying to look interested in the slice of mushroom pizza in front of me.  However, as Phil and Renee began to look worried, I knew I had to diffuse the situation. I refused to ruin the happiness of my mother and her husband. “I mean, it’s a school—it’s not bad, but it’s not super amazing. Their English department looks really interesting, though.”

“That’s good,” Phil commented. He and Renee returned to neutral pleasantness.  “I’m really excited for the upcoming season—I think the team has a lot of promise.”

“That’s great, honey!” Renee chirped and kissed his cheek, her smile covering the majority of her face.

After dinner, Renee insisted on a movie, and they asked me to pick out one of my favorites. Although I didn’t feel like watching anything, I agreed and headed to the shelf that held all their DVDs. As my eyes ran over the titles, I grimaced at all the love-themed movies they owned. I could hardly stand the affection between my mother and Phil; I was certain a romance movie would be even worse. So, as I continued to peruse, my eyes widened when I saw “Zombie Mania.”

“Bella?” Renee came up behind me, glancing over my shoulder. “Did you find something?”

“Uh, yeah,” I responded and held up the box timidly. “This one looks good.”

“Are you sure?” My mother’s eyes widened when she saw the grotesque corpses covering the DVD box, and she openly cringed. “I never knew you liked … these kinds of movies. You were always afraid of zombies when you were little.”

“Uh, well I … uh,” I stammered and tried to think of a logical response. She was right; I absolutely hated zombies. I had seen the first ‘Night of the Living Dead’ when I was ten years old, and I had nightmares for a solid week. However, if sitting through a blood-soaked, horrifying zombie movie meant that I would have some temporary relief from my pain, then I’d happily take it. “I actually like them now.”

“Really?” Renee clearly didn’t believe me, which was understandable; I was a horrible liar.

Thankfully, Phil came in the room and saved me from my mother’s curious stare. “Hey, it’s been forever since I watched this! Great pick, Bella!”

The movie was just like the last zombie flick I’d seen—a bad plot, horrible acting, and enough gore to last me a lifetime. I turned my head each time an innocent human being was devoured by mindless, soulless monsters, and the pain in my stomach increased.  It didn’t take much thought to see the correlation between the zombie victim and myself. As I tried to keep myself from recognizing the similarities, it wasn’t long before I was forced to excuse myself. Once in the bathroom, I succeeded in voiding my stomach of all contents, gripping the side of the toilet seat and heaving with all my might.

Renee was pounding on the door, frantically asking if I was all right, but I didn’t let her in. I just wanted to grieve my loss in solitude. Instead, my mother was shouting, wanting to know what I was doing, and I knew I could only stall her for so long. After a few seconds, I rose from the floor and unlocked the door, meeting my mother’s panic stricken face in the threshold. 

“Goodness, Bella,” she exclaimed, seizing me in a hug. “Are you all right?”

“Um, yeah,” I said hoarsely, my voice stressed by the vomiting. “I think I might be getting a stomach bug or something. I’m sorry—I’m good to finish the movie. I think the worst of it has passed.”

“Oh no, missy,” Renee responded firmly, shaking her head and pulling me into the hallway. “If there’s one thing I learned from the parenting books, it’s this: you’re going to march right into your room, put on your pajamas, and get into bed.”

“What?” I’d never seen this side of Mom before, and it was a little strange. Usually she’d let me do my own thing with minimal interference; this new attitude was a bit stifling.

“You heard me, young lady,” she responded and crossed her arms, showing no sign of relenting. “Go on.”

Still slightly flabbergasted, I trudged down the hallway to my room and shut the door behind me. I stood there for a moment, leaned against the wall, and pondered what had just occurred with my mother. To be honest, I’d never been put in this situation, and I wasn’t completely sure what to do with myself. In the past, my mother was the one who caved to me, not the other way around. Or, I would be the one insisting Renee go to her room and rest, instead of letting her bound out the door for a night of partying. What on earth was going on? I knew that I had come to Jacksonville for a fresh start, but I wasn’t sure if this was entirely what I meant.  Renee actually sounded like she was turning into Charlie on a bad day.  

As I heard the television being switched off and two pairs of feet heading towards Renee and Phil’s bedroom, I realized that it was up to me to entertain myself until bedtime.  Although my mom had given me strict instruction to go to bed, I had no intention of following her mandate. Instead, against my better judgment, I opened my suitcase and started hanging up my clothes. The crushing ache associated with that simple act was almost unbearable, but I decided to push through it.

All the outfits Alice had given me still smelled of her delicate scent, and I brought them to my nose without much hesitation. Fresh laundry, rain, and sunlight filled my nose, and I didn’t fight the tears that spilled from my eyes. The memories of Alice returned, and I lamented the fact that they were false. Alice had never been my friend; she’d only tried to tolerate her brother’s human pet. Her easy dismissal of my pain was undeniable proof of that fact.

When the last piece of clothing had been put away, I closed my suitcase and stored it in the back of my closet. I felt slightly accomplished for getting it done, but when I looked around, I realized that I now had nothing to do. I wasn’t the least bit tired, even though it was close to eleven, and I should have been trying to get on Florida time. I wasn’t ready to face the nightmares again.

I turned on Phil’s laptop, which he had graciously allowed me to use until I could get my own computer. The device hummed to life, and I used the time to change into my pajamas. I briefly recalled the ancient machine Charlie had gotten for me; it had taken almost fifteen minutes to connect to the internet. Phil’s laptop, which was relatively new, only took about a minute for the main screen to appear.  So, as soon as I had slipped on my sleepwear and brushed my teeth, I was all ready to go.

The first thing I did was check my email; I had a few from my friends at school. Mike had sent out a group message but had given me a special shout out that everyone, according to him, reciprocated. I also noticed that I had an email from my father, but it wasn’t anything significant. He just wanted to make sure I was doing well and that I had settled in. His email was short and sweet, the very definition of my relationship with my father.

The last message was from Angela, and I found myself anxiously waiting for it to load. When it finally did, I tore through her email, searching for any sign of the words “Edward,” “Alice,” or “Cullen.” Unfortunately, she was very talented at navigating around the uncomfortable subjects and had written a very pleasant, neutral email. I wasn’t sure if I was extremely thankful or angry that she’d done this. When I shut the laptop and climbed into bed, I did my best to convince myself that it didn’t matter.

Edward and Alice were moving on; I would have to do the same thing.


	3. Chapter Three

Chapter Three

I shifted anxiously in the front seat of Renee’s car. As I peered out of the side window I grimaced at the bright blue sky stretching as far as I could see. After becoming accustomed to the gray, nearly endless cloud cover of Forks, Washington, the pristine skies of Jacksonville seemed stark and unwelcoming. It was slightly humorous, especially since I’d been in love with the sun back in Phoenix, but I wasn’t laughing. Instead, I pushed myself further into the leather seat and wrapped my arms around my midsection, trying in vain to hold myself together.

Over the weekend, I’d successfully turned my hours around, but it was useless. I could fall asleep at eleven in the evening, but the bad dreams had consistently haunted me at least twice a night, evoking the most ungodly, horrifying screams. I felt guilty as I thought of all the times Phil had rushed in, shaking me until I woke, and I felt my cheeks flush in response. There really was nothing I could do about the nightmares; I could only hope that they would go away in time.

As Renee pulled up to the front of Jackson High, I had to remind myself that it was the same school from Saturday morning. To say it was packed was a severe understatement; there were tons of cars, tons of bodies and tons of noise.  I immediately missed the size of Forks High School—the smaller campus and as I tried to maneuver through the sea of bodies, the smaller class sizes.  It was a battle trying to reach the main office to get my schedule, and I was almost breathless when I finally got there.

The front office was even more of a madhouse than the school. It took me almost ten minutes to finally get the attention of the desk clerk, and after some digging, she passed me my school schedule and a crudely-drawn map.  I moved back into the mob of students and allowed it to carry me out one of the side doors. However, as I glanced down at the map in my hand, I realized that I had no idea where I was supposed to go. Gazing at the nameless structures around me, I began to panic, anxiously recalling my first day at Forks High School.  Everyone had been willing to help me back then, but as I spied the apathetic side glances from the students at Jackson High, it dawned on me that I wouldn’t get any assistance here.

After pestering a few passing students, and finding a friendly janitor who pointed me in the right direction, I found my first class, which just so happened to be advanced trigonometry. The instructor, Mr. Falcon, considered my cluelessness hilarious and endearing. He, thankfully, took pity on me and provided me with a better map, one that had been printed, not hand drawn. He also offered suggestions on what to eat for lunch—the meatloaf was Grade F meat and should be avoided at all costs.

“Well, Miss Swan,” Mr. Falcon said with a wide smile, handing me an extra copy of his detailed syllabus as well as the latest homework assignment. “I hope you enjoy the class—now, let’s find you a seat.”

During our conversation, the students had started filtering in, and as I turned around, I noticed there were only two seats open. One was next to a girl who kind of reminded me of Angela—timid looking, dark hair, and her nose deep in a book—and the other next to a very unsavory looking boy. The first thing I noticed about him was he was half asleep, with his feet propped up on the table, and his head occasionally bobbed back and forth.  The second was that it didn’t look like he had any books with him, which indicated the possibility of him being a slacker.  I turned back to the instructor, about ready to request the girl, when another student—a girl in a cheerleading outfit—waltzed through the door and took my desired seat.

“Well,” Mr. Falcon said, handing me a thick textbook with a smile. “Looks like your seat’s with Collin back there.”

I tried not to groan when I took the book from him, but I was fairly certain I let out some sound of displeasure. His smile quickly faded to an apologetic frown, but he turned back to the chalkboard without saying anything more; a clear dismissal. So, I trudged to the back of the class, noting the sympathetic glances I got from Miss Cheerleader and Bookworm, and slid into the seat next to the sleeping teenager.

I wrinkled my nose as I smelled something overly sweet and pungent, and I shifted to look at Collin. His oversized flannel shirt looked ratty and had strings of fabric hanging from the arms, while his pants were black and had a significant number of holes in the knee area. The part of him that attracted my attention the most was his knee high, black boots. My thoughts immediately went back to the group at the mall, the ones with the same boots. Nevertheless, as Mr. Falcon started his lecture, I pushed Collin and his footwear to the back of my mind. _They probably sell those shoes everywhere…it’s nothing._

I listened to Mr. Falcon, and spent the entire time taking vigorous notes while the rest of the class barely paid attention. Since I was coming in part way thought the first semester, I needed to do some serious catching up. Of course, it didn’t help that this class was much further than my math class in Forks had been. As I flipped through the textbook to refresh my mind, the possibility of finding a tutor was quickly becoming a strong likelihood.

When the bell rang, my desk partner stirred—shaking his head and yawning—and as I packed up my backpack, he stumbled out the door.

“Good morning, Mr. Maevin,” Mr. Falcon called after him, sardonically, but the boy ignored him, and I couldn’t help but shake my head. “Let that be a lesson for you, Miss Swan—a good night’s sleep does a body good.”

“Yes sir,” I muttered, blushing, and headed out the door.

The rest of my classes moved together in a blur, and before I knew it, I was walking towards the lunch room. If I was being honest, that was what I had been dreading the most. As I stalked across the cafeteria, I anxiously looked for an open seat at one of the tables, but was horribly disappointed. There appeared to be a shortage of lunch tables, which explained why many of the students were eating outside. Not wanting to be caught standing around, I purchased my lunch and headed out the door, where I found a free spot on the grass.

I felt lonely as I watched the students relate to one another, and the wound in my chest tightened painfully. Despite the promise I’d made to myself not to think of the Cullens, my memories floated back to that fateful day earlier this year, when Edward and his family had walked into the cafeteria and into my life. What were they doing at the moment? Was Alice taking Jessica shopping? Was Esme making her dinner? Was Edward carrying her to the meadow—our meadow?  

I started gasping for breath, trying to move the lump in my chest down to my stomach, but it was all for nothing. The tears started spilling from my eyes regardless of what I did, and I covered my face, desperate to keep the other students from noticing my discomfort. However, I was quick to realize that no one was staring at me. Unlike Forks, the student population could care less what I was suffering through. It was a bittersweet feeling.

The rest of my day was filled with similar experiences. Whether it was a situation, a class, or an object; it seemed memories of the Cullens were everywhere I looked.  I was positive I had annoyed every one of my new teachers with my constant use of the bathroom, but I couldn’t help it. I had decided it was better to bother the teachers than have a meltdown in front of all the students. The last thing I wanted was to be dubbed the “Crazy New Girl” on my first day.

When the school bell rang at the end of the day, I let out a long breath of air and practically sprinted across campus. My attention was so focused on Renee, waiting in the parking lot, I didn’t notice the figure approaching me—until it was too late. 

A rough impact knocked me backwards, and I hissed at the pain that shot up my back when I hit the concrete. My backpack, and all its contents, suffered as well, and I anxiously grabbed the books that had tumbled out during the fall. However, as I made a grab for my Trig book, I realized that a pair of feet was blocking my path to it. As I let my eyes trail upward, I groaned at the black, hole riddled jeans, and ratty looking flannel shirt that greeted me.

Collin’s eyes flashed angrily, his lips arching in displeasure, and for a moment I thought he was going to yell at me. However, he thrust his hand out hesitantly in a silent offer of assistance.  I’m not sure what it was, but I flinched away from his open palm, which seemed to upset him even more. “I’m not going to hurt you—I’m just trying to be polite.”

I timidly took his hand, and he pulled me up to my feet easily. As I brushed the dirt off my clothes, I looked at him and mumbled, “Thank you.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he replied testily and stalked past me. “You should really watch where you’re going, though—some people here aren’t as forgiving as I am.”

I spun around, wanting to tell him it took two to tango and he should watch where he’s going too, but he had already vanished around the building. My nostrils flared in annoyance as I picked up my backpack, and I was about to continue on my trek to the parking lot, when I noticed a tiny black book lying on the ground. I cautiously picked it up and flipped through it, finding page after page of handwritten segments, realizing that it was someone’s journal.  

On the inside of the cover, the name _Collin Maevin_ was neatly inscribed in very impressive calligraphy, and I grinned wickedly when I realized who it belonged to. Part of me wanted to chuck it into the trash, or maybe burn it, but the rational side of me suggested that I simply return it the next time I see him. _No need to lower your integrity because he annoyed you, Bella._ With a groan, I stuffed the tiny book in my backpack and headed out to the parking lot.

Renee waved happily to me as I approached, and once I was in the car, she gave me a side hug. “How was your first day, honey? Did you have a good time?”

It was time for another lie. “Yeah, everything was fine.”

“Did you make any friends?” My mom wasn’t very talented at hiding her emotions, and it was obvious that she was desperately hoping I’d made a connection with someone.  However, I knew for a fact this went deeper than her own insecurities about my depression; I’d heard her on the phone with Charlie the night before. Apparently, my dad was just as anxious as Renee was for me to thrive in Jacksonville.

I needed to tell my mother something to make her stop paying so much attention to me, so I said the first thing that came to mind. “Yeah, I met this one…um…guy.”

“Oh.” It was apparent she hadn’t expected me to befriend a boy. I guess it was pretty rational for her to have that anticipation, especially with what happened with the last boy I’d been close with. Still, the narrowed, suspicious eyes she was giving me were overkill. “And … what’s his name?”

I gazed out the window as we pulled out of the parking lot, irritation flaring in my voice as I thought of the tall, dirty-looking boy who had knocked me over. “Collin.”

“Oh.” The tension in her voice cut through me like a knife. “Well, that’s nice.”

I nodded as a group of teenagers in a convertible sports car zipped by us, which made me feel inadequate and dependent. I missed my red, monstrous truck, which was sitting in Charlie’s driveway back in Washington, but most of all, I missed the freedom. When I’d moved to Forks, I’d been fully prepared to buy my own car, but Charlie had done it already. I was positive I wasn’t going to be that fortunate this time, regardless of any raises Phil received. Still, I had to at least try.

“Mom?” She hummed a response while still keeping her eyes on the road, thankfully. “I’ve been thinking—it might be beneficial if I had my own car.”

“I agree, Bella.” Renee heaved a familiar sigh—the one that told me she’d been considering the same thing.  “I just don’t know if we can afford it right now.”

“I know,” I said, resorting to my contingency plan. “I was actually thinking about finding a part-time job.”

“Do you really want to?” I was surprised how repulsed Renee sounded at the idea of an afterschool job. Her tone indicated that she considered part time employment to be equivalent to a dead rat. “It’s your senior year, Bella, and I don’t mind driving you to school. You can always borrow my car, if you need it.”

“It’s not that I don’t think that’s a good idea, Mom, it’s just … well, you know how independent I am. I’ll feel weird if we share a car. Not to mention, I’ll be going to college in less than a year—I’m going to need a mode of transportation. I’m not looking for anything flashy—just something to get me from Point A to Point B.”

Renee pondered this for a few seconds, and as we pulled into the driveway, she said, “I’ll tell you what, I’ll talk to Phil and see what our finances are. If all else fails, we can help you with a portion of it.”

Although I didn’t feel comfortable with handouts, I wasn’t willing to look a gift horse in the mouth. So, I replied with,” That sounds great—thanks, Mom.”

I holed up in my room for the rest of the evening, going over the notes I had taken in class, starting some homework, and avoiding the journal sitting in my backpack. The idea of opening the tiny, black book had infiltrated my mind shortly after I got home, and I had been fighting it for the past few hours. While part of me rationalized that Collin would never know if I took a tiny peek, I reminded myself that he deserved privacy. After all, if our situations were reversed, I wouldn’t want him invading my personal thoughts.

Still, it was taunting me, peering out from my backpack, begging me to read the secrets held in its pages.

I was granted a reprieve when I was called to dinner, and despite the fact I hardly touched the food on my plate, I stayed in the kitchen as long as I could. Renee and Phil were discussing something serious in the other room, but their voices were too low for me to catch what they were saying. Carefully, so as not to alert them to my eavesdropping, I scooted my chair closer to the doorway and happened to catch the end of their conversation.

“It was so close to home, Phil,” Renee said while twiddling her fingers nervously. My mother was a carefree spirit, which meant whatever they were talking about was bad enough to make her worry.  “They said she went to Jackson, too.”

“Honey, try not to worry,” Phil reassured her. He had always been the reliable, calm one of the relationship, despite being almost ten years younger than Renee. “Bella may be a little emotionally fragile right now, but she’s a lot stronger than she looks.”

“I’m not saying she isn’t,” Renee responded, sounding somewhat affronted at Phil’s insinuation, and sighed heavily. “I just really hope the whole thing with _that boy_ hasn’t clouded her judgment. I want to help her, Phil, I just don’t know—sometimes, I feel like I can’t relate to my own daughter.”

“That’s perfectly normal, sweetheart,” he said, a hint of laughter in his words. “I don’t think there’s a parent alive who can truly relate to their children.”

My bottom lip quivered, and I fought against the raging affliction in my chest, but was ultimately unsuccessful. Giving up the fight, I ran to my bedroom and pushed the door open, doubling over on the carpet. As my stomach growled, I crawled to the bathroom and locked the door behind me, wanting to suffer in silence. Once the darkness of the tiny space encapsulated me—I made no attempt to turn the light on—my body caved in on itself, and I gripped my midsection in a vain attempt to prevent my entire being from shattering.

Since I was already in copious amounts of pain, I indulged my desire for Edward and thought of him freely. I recalled the way he had glistened in the meadow, when he had saved me from the strangers in Port Angeles, and the moment he had told me he loved me. I moaned softly, twisting and turning in the beautiful, yet torturous state I was in, but still I couldn’t stop.  My mental merry-go-round eventually circled to the events which had landed me here in Jacksonville. I could almost hear the snarl Jasper had released upon smelling my blood, and traced the site where Carlisle had stitched my arm up after Edward had flung me backwards. I brought my lips to the thin, healing line of stitches and kissed them softly; it was one of the only physical mementos I had left.

I wasn’t sure how long I was lying on the floor, but by the time I picked myself up and exited the bathroom, my parents had gone to bed. When I peered out into the hallway, turning my ear towards their bedroom for any sign of movement, the eerie quiet of the house was all that greeted me. I stood in the doorway for a minute—not moving, not breathing—appreciating the stillness and the darkness. _This is what reminds me of Edward._ It wasn’t the unchanging beauty, the speed, or the blood—it was the silence.

I shut the door and got ready for bed, taking longer than usual to retrieve my pajamas, and after a quick shower, I climbed into bed. While I set my alarm clock, my eyes happened to catch a glimpse of the slim, black journal, which was still peeking out of my backpack. The same itch to read it returned, and with a frustrated growl, I pulled my school bag towards me. _Just one look._ I made myself promise that I’d only look at the first page, and then I’d shut it and return it to Collin the next day—no matter how much of a jerk he’d been.

I traced the edges of the binding and brought the book to my nose, inhaling deeply.  The pages were saturated with the same intense sweetness that had surrounded Collin, and I wondered if it was his natural aroma. Part of me deeply hoped it wasn’t; I had almost gotten a headache while sitting next to him. However, if it wasn’t his natural scent, what was it? A cologne? Something in the room? An overabundance of toothpaste? Regardless of the smell, or its origin, I opened the journal and turned the first page. His handwriting was sloppy and barely legible, but I was able to manage just a bit.

_If the eyes falling upon these words are not my own, please stop this assault on my privacy._

I slammed the book shut, my cheeks warming, and I thrust it back into the confines of my backpack. Having the journal blatantly tell me to stop being nosey was more than enough for me, and without another thought, I shut off the light and turned over in bed. I made up my mind to find Collin the next day and return his journal. Until then, I vowed not to open or handle it in any way; it wasn’t mine, and therefore, I shouldn’t touch it.

That night was just like the previous ones—filled with nightmares, screaming, and Phil shaking me to consciousness. There was one difference, though; this time Edward was nowhere to be seen. I had run through the forests, wincing when the branches hit me in the face, tearing through the endless greenery, but I’d been unable to find him. When exhaustion overtook me, I fell to my knees, and right as I was about to wake, a familiar voice filled my head. _I don’t want you with me._

I shivered in Renee’s front seat, the fresh memory of Edward’s final words to me haunting my every thought. The festering ulcer in my chest began to burn, and I turned away from my mother, not wanting her to see that I was suffering. I wanted my mother to be oblivious to my anguish. If she knew that I was miserable here, that my every waking moment was a nightmare…well, I wasn’t sure what she would do. It was that lack of knowledge that scared me senseless. For all I knew, I could end up in therapy, or worse, an asylum. Before leaving Forks, I’d heard Dr. Gerandy speaking to Charlie about the possibility of letting professionals look at me, which had scared me. Thank goodness my father had denied any form of medical assistance.

“Here we are,” Renee announced happily, giving me a side hug. “I’ll be here after school.”

“Okay,” I muttered, pushing the door open and climbing out. The warmth of the sunshine helped dull the ache in my chest, but my posture was still slightly hunched in compensation for the pain. I was thankful the student body of Jackson High School paid little attention to me; they wouldn’t notice the agony that debilitated my body on a daily basis.

The second day was easier than the first; I didn’t get lost and the teachers stopped giving me that welcoming smile. There was one noticeable difference, though: Collin wasn’t in class. I had gone to trig and waited for him, but by the time Mr. Falcon began his lecture, my table partner had yet to make an appearance. I had twiddled my fingers anxiously, as I expected Collin to walk through the door at any minute, but I was ultimately disappointed. During the lunch hour, I’d scoured the inside and outside of the cafeteria, hoping to find him, but still nothing. Although I wanted to compare the situation to Edward’s disappearance after my first day at Forks High School, I refused.  It was irrelevant and wouldn’t help the situation.

The next two weeks passed easily, and still, Collin didn’t return to school. The journal somehow made my backpack feel ten pounds heavier than it was. I had to get rid of it, but my conscience couldn’t bring me to throw it away. My rational side tried to convince me that Collin probably didn’t care about his journal, and that I was more concerned about it than he was.  In short, I was being silly, and the sooner I got rid of the journal in my backpack, the better. So, as school broke for the day on Friday, I decided to make one last try.

“Hey, Mom,” I said as I flounced into the front seat. The next words out of my mouth were the ones I’d hoped never to willingly say. “Can we go to the mall?”

Renee was happy, albeit surprised to go to the mall again, and she promptly hopped onto the freeway. Knowing I couldn’t simply head to the food court without my mother growing suspicious, I gave her a list of places I wanted to go. The majority of these places were major department stores, while the rest were tiny boutiques we had passed during our previous trip there. I wasn’t sure how long I should spend in each store to distract my mother, but the weight in my backpack convinced me to try anyway.  So, for the next couple hours, I led Renee on a wild goose chase, claiming that I needed the “perfect blouse”.

The hole in my chest hurt every time I used that phrase; I was quoting Alice.

When I was satisfied enough time had passed, and when Mom started to whine that her feet were bothering her, I sighed and suggested we head to the food court. With every step, my stomach knotted a little tighter, and by the time we reached the upstairs dining area, I was nauseated as well. Mom led me towards the long line of food stands, but I was too nervous to order anything. My anxiety had climaxed when I glanced across the area and spotted the group with the matching boots, and there, sitting among them, was Collin.

I recognized his ragged, flannel shirt and black pants, even though he had his back to me. _Doesn’t he ever change his clothes?_ He was hunched over the table, his hand clenched in a tight fist, and the others seemed to be glaring at him. My heart sped up as I realized what I had to do. My hands tightened around the journal, which was tucked in my back pocket, and I tried to give myself a pep talk.

 _You can do this! He’ll be glad to have it back! This is a good idea!_  

“Hey, Mom?” She turned to me in the middle of ordering her food. “I’ll be right back, okay?”

Without stopping to hear what she said after, I quickly crossed the food court, sidestepping other people and trying to keep my courage from vacating. What was the worst that could happen, honestly? I considered the possibility that I would be accused of stealing it, or he might laugh at me, but nothing I came up with was worse than the trauma I had suffered weeks before. So, with that in mind, I sucked in a deep breath and approached them.  

As one of his friends noticed me—the blonde who’d been in handcuffs the first time I had seen her—I felt my entire body tense. _Oh well, here goes nothing._

“Um, Collin?” My voice quivered as I spoke; it was difficult to talk with Collin’s friends staring at me. The look in their eyes brought forth a fear in me that I hadn’t known since the baseball field…since James. As I stood there, their eyes piercing through me for whatever reason, I felt like an intruder.

Wanting this all to be over, I reached into my back pocket and gripped the journal.  I decided to simply throw it on the table and walk away; it really was the best choice. However, as I moved to toss it in front of him, the expressions on Collin’s friends’ faces changed drastically; they were looking past me. It was then that I felt the presence behind me, and I slowly turned.

She was tall, much taller than me, and her features were so obscurely androgynous that I wasn’t sure which pronoun was appropriate for her. Her eyes—brown, like mine—stared with passive curiosity, and while I shamelessly gaped at her, she retained a calm expression. The longer we stared at one another, the more I felt as though I was a mule at a livestock auction—judged and measured. I wasn’t sure where this notion came from, or whether it was justified, but it was there nonetheless.

The hair on the girl’s head was cut very short, which played up her androgyny, with longer strands on the top.  Her lithe, solid body was covered with a long sleeve black shirt, black pants, and the same boots as the others. Whatever the attraction to the footwear was, it was something that was shared by all of them; it almost seemed like a uniform.

There was something else about this girl that was strange. She had a long, jagged scar on the right side of her face, which disappeared beneath the collar of her shirt. How on earth could she have gotten such a horrible mark? An injury like that would most assuredly meant death to anyone. I didn’t get a chance to think of it for very long, as the girl let out a deep breath, and her eyes redirected to the group behind me.

The sound of a chair scraping against the floor caught my attention, and I turned around to find Collin staring down at me. I’d only ever seen him sitting in class, so I was unprepared for how tall he was; he was easily taller than…Edward. However, as the rest of his companions rose from their seats, it was apparent that boots were not the only common link between them; they were all very tall. I had never felt so small in my life.

“What do you want?” Although the words he spoke were demanding in nature, there was softness to his voice that detracted from their harshness. When I didn’t answer him, he grew visibly frustrated. “Come on—say what you came to say.”

I had no voice; the presence of the strange girl had silenced me. So, instead of trying to find the right words, I pushed the journal forward with both hands. His eyes and mouth widened a bit, but he made no move to take the booklet from my hands. Instead, he merely stood there, gawking at his possession as if it were the Holy Grail or some other bizarre object. I was starting to grow impatient, especially since all I wanted to do was run in the other direction, and was relieved when he gingerly plucked it from my palms.

“You dropped it a couple weeks ago,” I commented when I saw the confusion in his eyes. “It was w-when w-we ran into each other after s-school…by the main building”—I was babbling and sounded like an idiot—“I would have given it to you sooner, but you…um…haven’t been in class.”

He turned the book over in his hands, a fascinated expression on his face, and after what felt like an hour, he nodded. “Thank you.”

I wasn’t expecting him to jump up and down, hug me, and tell me how I’d saved his life, but I had hoped for more than a lifeless ‘thank you’. However, as I stood there, expecting a little bit more, his placid expression began to contort to suspicion and I knew I had worn out my welcome. Without saying anything more, I turned and headed back to where my mother was waiting for me.

“Would you like to tell me what that was about?” Renee asked, peering over my shoulder in the direction of Collin and his friends.

When I glanced back at their table, the five of them were sitting down and talking with one another, all except the dark haired girl; she was looking directly at me. When Renee reiterated her question, I shifted back and shook my head. “It’s nothing…nothing.”

 


	4. Chapter Four

Chapter Four

I tried not to look at Collin and his friends when I left, but it was very tempting. As I rode the escalators down, I chanced a glimpse at their table only to find it empty. Losing all sense of discretion, I scoured the food court, looking for the bizarre group, but was ultimately disappointed. It didn’t make any sense, though. There was only one entrance and exit to the food court; how could they have left without passing by Renee and me?

The question was still haunting my mind as we headed to the car, and in my distracted state, I almost passed the small bookstore nestled into the far corner of the mall. When I finally noticed the tiny shop, I guided Renee toward it and had to keep myself from running inside. My speed increased even more when I noticed a handwritten sign in the front window that said, “Help Wanted.”

The bookstore—it was called Pages—was half the size of my house, with multi levels and the smell of old paper. The walls were a dark mahogany with matching shelves, tables, and chairs.  There was no fluorescent lighting; instead, the entire space was illuminated by Tiffany lamps of varying heights. Smiling at the otherworldly ambiance of the shop, I found the front desk at the center of the ground level.  Behind the register was a tall, brunette woman, wearing black-rimmed glasses and a purple cardigan.

“Hello,” she said, smiling when I approached her. “How can I help you today?”

“I saw the sign in the window,” I replied and pointed over my shoulder. “I’d like to apply for the job.”

The woman brought her hand to her chest and released a breath of air. “Oh, thank goodness! I’ve had that up for almost a month, but no one’s applied. Then again”—she motioned for me to follow her—“it didn’t help that they opened that new chain store. You know, the one with the half-naked models plastered on the walls?”

“Yeah, I’ve seen it.” I glanced at the endless shelves as we moved deeper into the store; this place was a lot bigger than I thought. It wasn’t wide, but it was very deep. From what I could tell, the bottom floor was mostly reference books—travel guides, automotive repair, and such. “How long have you been open?”

“Five years now,” she answered, pushing through a pair of doors that led to a stock room. I stopped outside the doorway, not sure if I should go back, also questioning if the store should be left unattended. However, when she spied me in the threshold, she waved me in. “Come on back.”

I hesitantly acquiesced and glanced behind me. “Is it okay to leave the store front?”

“I don’t usually get busy until seven,” she commented and pointed to a tiny black box hanging on the wall. “I also have this little doo-dad—it chimes when someone walks through the entrance.”

I felt like an idiot, but if I had said the wrong thing, she didn’t say anything. Instead, she started flipping through a filing cabinet like crazy, tossing papers aside and letting them fall to the ground. Without thinking or being asked, I bent over and started picking them up, piling them in a neat stack on the green, wooden desk beside the cabinet. When she finally found what she was looking for—an application for employment—she held it over her head and shouted, “Voila!”

“I’m going to be honest with you.” She attached the application to a clipboard and offered me a pen. “This is really just a formality. You’re hired.”

I couldn’t help but laugh at the frankness of her answer—she almost reminded me of… someone. Seeing how I didn’t want her to think I was a total nutcase, I stopped the line of thought that was obviously leading to the Cullens, and instead, I took a seat at the desk. It didn’t take me long to fill out the application—the only work history I had was a month-long stint at Newton’s, Mike’s family’s shop. Charlie had turned in my resignation when it was obvious I wasn’t bouncing back from Edward’s rejection, and I deeply hoped that my new employer wouldn’t call them; Karen Newton was a gossip.

When I handed her my application, her neck jerked back in surprise. “Forks, Washington? Where exactly is that?”

“It’s a few hours north of Seattle,” I answered nervously, biting my bottom lip. “It’s close to the Canadian border.”

“Wow,” she said and glanced back at the paper in her hands. “What brought you down south, Isabella?”

“Please, call me Bella. As for why I left Forks, well…” What was an appropriate answer that didn’t entail spilling my guts about vampires? “I decided to move back in with my mom.”

“Well, Bella,” she said, playfully emphasizing my name, and tossed the application on the desk. “I’m Eleanora, but you can call me Nora. Your job is pretty simple: greet customers, answer questions, show people around, make suggestions, make sales, and sometimes do returns.” Nora led me back out into the store, where Renee was waiting, an impatient scowl on her face. “You’ll get to know the clientele easily enough—they’re good people, but don’t let them push you around because you’re new.

“Most importantly,” Nora said, her voice losing its joyful quality, and pointed to the third floor of the shop. “The restricted section is only accessible by me—under no circumstances are you allowed to enter that area.”

“All right.” My brow furrowed at the seriousness of her command. “What if a customer requests to go in when you’re not here?”

“They won’t.” The finality in her voice was startling and left no room for argument.

She continued moving around the floor, explaining the finer details of the store—hours of operation, location of the mailbox, where to drop the nightly deposit—but I was hardly listening. Every now and then, I glanced up at the third floor of the shop.  Although I intended on following through with her wishes, I couldn’t fight the wonderment I felt over the restricted section. What was up there, and why was it so   
restricted?

“All right,” Nora said, extending her hands out. “That’s it for now—when can you start?”

“Tomorrow is good,” I answered quickly, and she gave me an odd, confused look. Something about her expression told me that I’d given the wrong answer, and I anxiously tried to do damage control.  “Is that too soon?”

“Tomorrow is perfectly fine,” she commented, rubbing the back of her neck and laughing. “Please forgive me, Bella. Usually new employees start a week after they’re hired—at least, that’s what I’ve been led to believe anyway. I’ve never met someone your age that was so anxious to start working.”

“I’m sorry,” I answered, assuming that I’d done something wrong. This was slowly turning out to be an extremely awkward encounter, and I found myself wanting to run away. Maybe trying to get a job wasn’t such a good idea, especially with the trauma I’d suffered. “I can start next week, if you prefer.”

“Are you okay?” Her words were genuinely soft and caring, but they also put me on edge. “Forgive me if I’m prying, or reading too deep into this, but you seem… upset. Is everything all right, Bella?”

I didn’t know what to say to her. The truth was I wasn’t all right, and I probably never would be, but the reason wasn’t something I could share. Edward had left me with the intense burden that was his secret. Although he could disappear, vanish off the face of the earth, I was left with the memories of him. If his intention was to “not exist,” he was failing miserably; he would always be alive to me.

Unfortunately, thinking of him only served to make this moment with Nora infinitely more awkward, especially when I grasped my torso with both hands in anguish. When this happened, I refused to meet her gaze, certain she probably thought I was a freak, but she surprised me.

“Tell you what,” she said, her voice still soft, and she rested her hand on my shoulder. “Tomorrow’s Saturday, right?” I nodded. “How about you come in around five-thirty?”

“Really?” I lifted my head, and I couldn’t help the shock I felt. Despite my freak-out, she still wanted me as an employee. Either she was really desperate for help, or she somehow understood that I was hurting. I really didn’t want to think about the latter, so I chose the first as the most likely. “All right, I’ll be here.”

Although I was still in a decent amount of pain, I held my head up a little higher as I walked out of Pages. For the first time since I stepped off the plane, I actually felt like I had something to look forward to. Instead of spending my afternoons and evenings wallowing in agonizing memories, I could focus on my job. On top of that, I would be earning a decent amount; Nora paid higher than minimum wage. So I was one step closer to my goal of buying my own vehicle. Things were definitely starting to look up for me… until we reached the car.

“Are you sure you want a job, Bella?” Renee complained as we pulled out of the parking lot and got on the highway. “Don’t you want to be free for your senior year?”

“Free to do what exactly?” I couldn’t understand why my mother was so against me having a job. “Trust me, Mom—this is the best thing for me.”

“If you say so, Bella,” Renee said, still sounding unconvinced that a job was anything more than mind-numbing work, and was pretty much where the discussion ended. The remainder of the drive home was filled with awkward conversation, the majority revolving around the weather, until we thankfully pulled into the driveway. I was halfway to the front door when Mom asked, “Would you like to use the car tomorrow?”

I stopped and turned to her, taken aback by her offer. “Um, sure … thanks, Mom.”

My mother’s suggestion had put her back in my good graces, and we walked into the house arm in arm. We found Phil sitting in the living room, his eyes glued to the television screen as if his life depended on it. I had a flashback to Charlie and his Saturday Sports parties with Billy Black and Harry Clearwater.  The three of them would hoot and holler in front of the TV, and on occasion, I would make them snacks. Just thinking about how the three men had inhaled my homemade potato wedges made me smile, but it also made me want to crawl into a hole.

“Renee, come here,” Phil called, waving us both over without tearing his eyes from the screen. “They’ve found another girl.”

Another girl? I crossed the room and took a seat next to Mom and Phil. The blonde newswoman on the television was reporting on a story somberly, and she looked absolutely disturbed by the subject she was covering. They flashed a school portrait on the screen, and I gasped in shock; I recognized the girl smiling at me from the television. She was the cheerleader, the one who had taken the seat next to the bookworm on my first day. Come to think of it, I hadn’t really seen her in class; then again, I hadn’t actually been looking for her.

“Earlier today, Jacksonville Police were dispatched to Cuba Hunter Skate Park, where they discovered the body of seventeen-year-old Angelica Dumont. She was last seen leaving Andrew Jackson High School almost two weeks ago…”

“It’s so sad,” Renee remarked, her hand covering her mouth as she shuddered. “Bella, did you know her?”

“No, I didn’t.” The last thing I wanted was for Renee to start freaking out, and finding out Angelica had been in my class would definitely have caused her to. Ever since I had moved back, she’d been hovering more often, and it was starting to bother me. If anything, it made me miss Charlie even more; this subsequently caused me hours of pain. It was ironic that, in her quest to help me, she was only causing me more distress. Unfortunately, there was no way to tell her what she was doing to me—not unless I wanted to start seeing a shrink.

After a few more minutes of being fed the same information about Angelica’s death, I eventually left Renee and Phil to their business and disappeared in my room. Once I had shut the door, I turned on the laptop and started researching Angelica’s death. Phil had said they’d found “another girl,” which meant that there had to be others. But how many more were there?  Unfortunately, there were quite a few articles on murders in the Jacksonville area, but nothing that really formed a pattern. The only thing the incidents had in common was that the bodies had been dumped in remote areas, and there was a lot of blood.

Finding no new information, I shut off the laptop and leaned back in my chair. Why on earth was I looking up details on gruesome murders? Had my continuous pain over Edward caused me to search for my own distractions? It wasn’t an unthinkable concept; the days of endless suffering were getting repetitive. After all, what if moving on wasn’t a possibility for me; what if I was doomed to love Edward until I died? Should I follow his lead and fill my time with distractions? Moreover, what distraction could possibly be strong enough to sway my thoughts of him?

When thinking about him became too much, and I felt as though I’d never breathe again, my attention automatically searched for something to refocus on. My gaze ultimately fell on my backpack, thrown haphazardly against my desk in the corner of my room. If there was anything capable of keeping me sidetracked, it was Advanced Trigonometry. So I pulled out my book, flipped to the assigned pages, and proceeded to catch myself up in the world of mathematics. I was only half-successful, though; there were still moments when Edward would somehow slip into my mind. Sometimes in the strangest ways.

AB = distance of Bella from Edward, BC = Height of Edward = h (to be calculated)…

I let out a frantic cry and threw my hands in the air, frustrated; at this point, not only would I fail my class, but I would also be a quivering mess for the remainder of the night. After an additional fifteen minutes of failed homework attempts, I eventually shut my book and turned on the laptop.

Unable to find anything of interest to look at, I ultimately decided to respond to Angela’s email. Of course, when I tried to craft a message, my mind blanked, and I couldn’t think of anything to say to her.  I eventually came up with something short and simple—something that wouldn’t give away my misery.

When I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer, I turned off the lights and crawled into bed. That night was a mirror image of all the others I’d had since Edward had left me. When I felt like I couldn’t take it anymore, the strangled screams pierced through my nightmare, but I couldn’t stop them. The dream was just like all the others—I stumbled across Jessica and Edward in the meadow—and it ended as the others had as well. I was yanked from the dream world, brought back to reality by my stepfather, Phil, shaking me to consciousness.

The memories of the nightmare haunted me throughout the day, and by the time five o’clock rolled around, I was anxious to start work at Pages. When I got there at five-fifteen, I found Nora balancing a massive stack of books in her hands while trying to help an older woman pick out something for her granddaughter. Not knowing if I should stand back and observe or not, I quickly took the books out of her hands and ran them to the register. Nora, meanwhile, tossed me an appreciative smile before navigating the woman to the second floor where the fiction books were located.

 “Are you a mind reader?” She appeared behind me, hands on her hips, and I quickly gripped the side of the counter in response to her question. There was no way she could know about Edward; I knew that, but it didn’t mean I didn’t automatically think of him. Thankfully, she continued talking, completely oblivious to the torture I was suffering. “You pretty much saved my life back there, Bella. Honestly, I thought my arm was going to break under the weight of those books.”

“Glad I could help,” I muttered and turned away from her, my internal dam about to give way under all the strain her words had caused. However, as she pulled out a few pieces of paper from under the counter, I sucked in a mouthful of air and successfully pushed the empty feeling to the pit of my stomach. “Thanks.”

“You can fill these out in the back,” Nora remarked, gesturing to the door I’d been through one day prior, and handed me a pen. “Don’t take too long, though—I’ve got a lot to show you.”

Without saying anything more, she ushered me to the back room and left me to finish my paperwork. The forms were nothing I hadn’t seen before—tax information, new hire checklists, a job description—and I was done in a few minutes. With papers in hand, I found my new boss at the cash register with yet another teetering stack of books in her hands. I was quickly getting the impression that she sometimes bit off more than she could chew, but I didn’t say anything; I was just happy to have a job.

She promptly threw my paperwork under the counter and immediately started instructing me. She gave me another rundown of the store, the location of certain things, and the key to the safe. Last, but definitely not least, she gave me another warning about the third floor. As she spoke, I glanced up at the area she was speaking of, and I couldn’t fight the curiosity that returned once again. I wondered if it was some kind of adult section, or had a bunch of naked statues in it. However, that scenario seemed highly   
unlikely.

Later in the evening, I was pleasantly surprised by how busy the shop got. As soon as seven o’clock passed, at least twenty people piled into the store, asking questions and making purchases. While I wasn’t familiar with the cash register yet, I had memorized the layout of the store and was able to guide shoppers around the store. The majority of them were regular customers who came in at least once a week, and I found talking to them to be somewhat entertaining and informative. I was so wrapped up in my discussion with a man named Mr. Daniels, I didn’t notice it was time to close up.

“All right, Chase, that’s enough for today,” Nora commented, giving him a one-armed hug, and she started guiding him toward the front of the store.  “I have to teach Bella how to close, and you need to get home before it gets dark.”

I’d heard Charlie give the same warning to the small-town residents, and his words usually applied to wild animals in the area. With that in mind, it seemed like a strange sentiment to offer someone in a relatively big city, but Mr. Daniels was somewhat old, so I guess it made sense.

While she led him to the front door, I made my way toward the register. Today had been a remarkably good day, and I deeply hoped nothing would be able to ruin my mood. There was something else, though; when I was at work, I felt… different. The gaping sore in my soul had been somewhat bearable, and the old Bella—the one that hadn’t been marred by the supernatural world—had made fleeting appearances. Although I was afraid of it, a bit of hope blossomed in me.

When Nora returned, having locked the door and turned off the light in the front displays, she smiled and patted me on the back. “You did well today, Bella—I’m impressed.”

“Thanks.” Her comment made me smile, and a light blush ran across my cheeks. I was happy there was something in my new life that I seemed to be good at; it was something I could focus on. 

The next hour was spend putting away books, sweeping the first and second floors, and listening to Nora try to sing along with the showtunes blaring from her radio.  As I rubbed some wood polish over the shelves in the fiction section, I was briefly tempted to climb the stairs to the forbidden third floor, but each time I tried, Nora called me downstairs again. So, I eventually gave up and focused on completing my closing duties. Once I was positive everything was clean and well-polished, I found my way back to the ground level.

“All right,” Nora said and gestured to the touch screen register. “Closing the register is fairly easy once you get the hang of it.”

After walking me through the nightly reports, closing the register, counting the money, and figuring out the deposit, she stood back and let me take over. I was thankful it was a simple process, and I caught on rather quickly. Nora praised me once again, commenting that her summer help had never been able to get the hang of it.

“Are you enjoying Jacksonville, Bella?” she asked as she packed up the deposit and reports. “Making any friends?”

Unlike with my mother, I didn’t need to lie to Nora. For some unknown reason, I felt she understood everything I’d been through. This was utterly ridiculous, of course; there was no way she could fully   
comprehend my pain. Still, her face was so kind and compassionate; I couldn’t help but open up to her. “Not really—I’ve never really been the sociable type.”

“Well that’s no good.” She paused what she was doing and stared at me, a pensive expression on her face.  When I was about to ask if everything was all right, she snapped out of it.  “A trait you share with one of your parents, I take it?”

My eyes widened, and I stammered slightly. “H-how did you know that?”

She laughed and shook her head. “Please don’t look at me like I have three heads, Bella. You and I have quite a bit in common. My mother kept to herself a great deal—so did my brother—however, my father and I were always extroverted and outgoing. Personality quirks of fathers are typically passed to their daughters, and the same goes for the mothers and their sons.”

“Oh,” was all I could respond with, feeling like an idiot, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something she wasn’t telling me. Still, I pushed my suspicion to the back corner of my mind and focused on closing the store. “Have you lived in Jacksonville long?”

“Not really,” she answered. “I used to have a shop up in Chicago, but a close friend of mine suggested I try my luck here. To be honest, it was a good decision in the long run. I had too much competition where I was. Not to mention, everyone has been so welcoming here, and I haven’t had nearly as much trouble as I did up north.”

“Trouble?” The way she said the word sounded strange. How much trouble could other bookstores cause her? “I don’t understand.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Nora said with a laugh, and she waved her hand in the air. “It’s not important anymore. Are you ready to go? We’re all set—I just need to turn the alarm on and lock up.”

After the alarm was set, the lights were turned off, and the door was locked, Nora and I headed to the bank to drop off the deposit. The bank was located around the corner from the store, with an outer slot that read “Night Deposits” on the front. Once we had dropped off the black envelope filled with money, we bid one another goodbye and went our separate ways.

Even though I knew I would see her the following day, I couldn’t fight the tiny bit of sadness that spread through my chest. I wasn’t sure why, but I felt more at ease around Nora, something I hadn’t felt since before Edward had left. She was a mixture of Alice and Esme, a comparison I had mercilessly tried to avoid. Of course, the moments the two Cullen women had crossed my mind, I was forced to stop and wait until the pulsating, violent burning in my soul had receded. Once it dulled down to a subtle ache, I was able to resume my journey.

I had parked in the lower level parking garage, which seemed like a good idea at the time. However, as I ascended the stairs and walked out into the shadowy, seedy-looking area, I instantly regretted my decision. The lights on the grime-covered, stone walls were flickering in and out, and there weren’t enough of them to successfully light the way to Renee’s car. Still, knowing that I wouldn’t get home by standing there, I started to trudge forward.

I was halfway to the car when I heard them. Footsteps.

As I glanced over my shoulder, I couldn’t see anything but the dirty underbelly of the mall parking lot—mainly because the lighting was so bad—but I picked up my pace regardless. My heart was starting to pound in my chest, and as I closed in on my goal, I could hear my pulse thrumming in my ears. What if…whatever it was killing those girls was stalking me? Would Renee and Phil be forced to identify my body in a city morgue? What would my death do to Charlie?

I was almost to my car when the footsteps increased, gaining momentum. My face was burning, and I could feel my arms quivering in fear. _Just get to the car… just get to the car…_ The incessant mantra in my head was only serving to freak me out more. Was this where my life would end? Where would I be   
buried? Would the… Cullens come to my funeral? Despite the hypothetical horrors flashing through my mind, I pulled out my keys as soon as I reached the car. I was moments away from climbing in when I felt a hand on my shoulder.

 


	5. Chapter Five

Chapter 5

I spun around with my hands up, ready to face my attacker and fight for my life, but stopped when I came face-to-face with Nora. She gasped and covered her mouth with her hand, her eyes silently questioning my sanity, when I let out a strangled cry of relief. While I was relieved it was her, I was also slightly upset. Why on earth was she in the parking garage—she had said she was parked in the other garage on the other side of the mall—and why had she snuck up on me?

I bent over at the waist, exhaling heavily and trying to regulate my pounding heart. However, as I glanced up at Nora’s apologetic face, I growled, “Oh my god—you scared the hell out of me!”

“I’m so sorry, Bella!” She responded seriously, but I could tell she was fighting back laughter. Did she really think it was funny? For goodness sake, I felt as if I were on the verge of a heart attack! Sure enough, as I continued to suck in mouthfuls of oxygen, she started openly snickering. I eventually felt my scowl crumbling in response to her infectious laughter, and after a few seconds, I started laughing.

“Why are you here?” I asked when I finally stopped chuckling long enough to speak. “I thought you said your car was on the other side.”

“It is,” Nora confirmed. “I had to run back to the store for something, and when I did, I found this.” She extended her hand, and in her palm was my wallet. I hadn’t even realized I had left it behind on the counter. “I hated to think of you possibly getting pulled over and not having your license.”

“Wow,” I said, cradling it in my hands. “Thank you so much!”

“No problem,” she replied, her eyes wandering around the darkened garage. “You shouldn’t park down here, Bella. Forgive me if I sound like a worry wart, but you can’t see very well. There’s no telling what riff raff is hiding in the shadows. From now on, I recommend you use the one on the other side of the mall. It’s just… safer.”

The garage I’d chosen to park in was closer to the store, but I decided it was a poor reason to put my life in danger. I also reminded myself that Nora had been living in Jacksonville longer than I had, and she probably had a firm grasp on what should be avoided. So, I made a mental note to park in the other parking structure the following afternoon.

“All right,” I answered with a smile. “I’ll start parking there tomorrow.”

“Good.” She reciprocated my smile and started walking away from me. With a wave over her shoulder, she headed in the opposite direction. “I’ll see you tomorrow then… have a good night, Bella.”

After hopping on the freeway and navigating the side streets, I pulled up the familiar driveway, grateful that Renee’s house wasn’t far. The lights inside were still on, but I knew they would be. Seeing how anxious Mom and Phil were about my integration into Jacksonville, I could only assume they were waiting to ask me how my first day went.  

Sure enough, as I crossed the threshold, I found them both sitting at the table, smiling brightly at me.

“Hey, Bella,” Phil said and held a bowl out to me. “Ice cream?

I really didn’t want any, but I knew that if I was going to keep my mother from hovering, I had to perpetuate my happy façade. I graciously took the bowl, mentally cringing when I noticed it was mint— _I hate mint_ —and took a seat at the table. I pushed it around, hoping it would melt, and took small bites while Renee and Phil watched.

“So, how was your first day at work?” Renee asked, trying to look uninterested and failing miserably. The desperateness was practically pouring from her eyes. “Did you have a good time?”

“Yeah, I really did,” I answered honestly. “Nora’s a great boss—patient, understanding—and we get along really well.  The customers are great, too. I’m really happy to be working there.”

“That’s good to hear,” Phil said, clapping me on the shoulder. “It’s rare when someone your age actually finds a job they enjoy. I remember my first part-time job—it was at this low-key, burger joint and always smelled like mildew in the back.” He cringed at whatever memory flashed through his mind. “I absolutely hated it, but my old man insisted it was a learning experience. Well, I’ll tell you ladies, the only thing I learned was not to eat fast food… ever.”

Mom laughed and I smiled, especially when Phil described the god awful “burger hat” he’d been forced to wear on his first day of employment. According to him, all new hires had been required to wear a giant, foam hat, shaped like a burger, as some form of hazing ritual. His friends had come in to visit him, and from then on, he had been known as Burger Boy.  He flushed bright red as he told us the story, showing he was still embarrassed by the incident… almost twenty years later.

After a few more anecdotes from Burger Boy, I made my way to my room to get ready for bed. I rinsed the day’s grime off my body in the shower, and I caught myself smiling as I thought about my time at work. The customers were just as pleasant as Nora, and the books on the shelves made me feel at home. Being in Pages, smelling the old paper and hearing the flipping of books, I had almost forgotten about the painful events that had landed me in Jacksonville to begin with. However, as I climbed out of the shower, the burning ache came back with a vengeance, and I had to fight the urge to crumple to the floor.

I changed to my pajamas and hobbled over to my bed, my hands gripping my stomach tightly, hoping the terrible feeling would fade away. It didn’t. In fact, the excruciating pain and debilitating memories followed me into my dreams, once again filling my sleep with endless nightmares. I cried softly when Phil had to force me awake again, and I apologized profusely to him. I was starting to wonder if coming to Jacksonville had really been the best decision for me. There was even a brief, floating thought of moving into my own place. It was a ridiculous notion, of course. I couldn’t even afford my own vehicle; how on earth would I pay for an apartment?

The following day, I was disappointed when I received a call from Nora telling me not to come to work. She’d apparently forgotten that the fumigators were coming and she had closed the shop. I wasn’t happy whatsoever, but I had been cheerful on the phone with her. I loathed the days when I had nothing to concentrate on. These were the days when I would start thinking about Alice and Edward. Had Edward told Jessica about his being a vampire? Did his family take her to play baseball? Despite the overwhelming pain, I couldn’t stop the hypothetical images from flashing through my mind.

Monday couldn’t come fast enough, and as I lay on my bed, curled up in the fetal position, I breathed a sigh of relief. I knew I’d have to confront my issues eventually, especially since sleep deprivation was a serious illness, but I didn’t want to think about it at the moment. Instead, I crawled out of bed, washed my face in the bathroom with exceptionally cold water, and dressed for the day.

I fleetingly thought about Collin, and I wondered if he would be absent from school—for the eighteenth time. Although I had no intention of speaking to him ever again, Mr. Falcon had hinted at an in-class assignment, which would require partners. I had no problem working by myself, but it would be nice not to. Unfortunately, when I walked into class, expecting to see him nodding off at our shared table, he wasn’t there.

I took my seat and frowned at the empty seat beside me, wondering why I had to be paired up with the slacker. However, as Mr. Falcon handed out the three page worksheet, which was due at the end of class, I felt a tap on my shoulder. The girl from my first day, the bookworm, was standing next to my table, fidgeting nervously and biting her bottom lip. Her dark hair was falling haphazardly over her face and shoulders, and she clutched her blue notebook tightly.

“H-Hi,” she said nervously, offering me an awkward smile. “D-do you want to be partners?”

I stammered for a few moments, trying to dig up my ancient social skills, and as she started to grow visibly uncomfortable, I nodded. “Yeah, that would be great. I don’t think my old partner’s coming back… ever.”

She glanced down at the empty chair, and for a second, I could see a bit of indecision in her eyes. Was she regretting asking me to work with her?  I wouldn’t blame her if she changed her mind. However, instead of walking away, she gestured over her shoulder with her head and sheepishly asked, “Can we work at my table? I’m kind of at home over there.”

I didn’t see why it would make a difference where we sat, but I wasn’t about to pass up an attempt to connect with someone. So I quickly agreed and picked up my stuff. “Sure, that’s fine.”

When we settled down at her table, Mr. Falcon looked at me with raised eyebrows. “Trading up, Miss Swan?”

I blushed and fidgeted a bit, wondering if we should have asked him. “Not exactly, Sir. I don’t think Collin’s coming back to school.”

“You may be right about that, I’m afraid.” He frowned and glanced at Collin’s empty seat. There was a fleeting look of concern, but it was gone just as quickly as it had appeared. “No matter—I’m sure it’s all for the best.”

After adding a few more instructions on the chalk board, Mr. Falcon let us begin the assignment, promptly returning to his desk and opening a book. I glanced at the sheet of paper and started working on the first problem, opening my textbook for reference. I’d caught up with my classmates, thankfully, but I was still having issues with different aspects of trig. When I glanced over to my new partner, chagrined to realize I hadn’t asked for her name, but she was already on problem three.

“Hey, what did you get for number one?” I hated to be one of those students, the ones who always asked for the answer, but I was stuck, and she was my partner, after all. “I think I’m stuck.”

She leaned over and let me see her work, explaining how she got certain answers. When I nodded in understanding and started to pull away, she said, “I’m Jillian, by the way.”

I gave her a half-smile. “I’m Bella.”

We both returned to our work, stopping every now and then to work through an equation together, and were done before most of our classmates. In between problems, I had taken a moment to appraise my partner and her physical appearance closely. Her hair was close to my color, maybe a shade lighter, and her skin was around the same pigment as mine. Her clothes weren’t flashy—a cardigan covering a tank top, jeans, and simple sandals—and the glasses she wore matched the simplicity of her ensemble.  My eyes trailed to the book bag nestled at her feet, and I noticed a few band patches sewn on the outside flap. All-in-all, Jillian was a normal teenager, completely untouched by the hidden realities of the supernatural world—something I both envied and pitied her for.

“So, how do you like Jackson High, Bella?” Jillian turned and stared at me curiously, catching me by surprise. “Is it different from your old school?”

“Y-yeah,” I answered, glancing down at my hands as the memories of Forks came to me. Taking a deep breath, I could almost smell the musky odor of the moisture rich soil, the fresh scent of the rain, and the gentle aroma of the wind as it blew through the trees.  I could almost see the gray sky as it cast an eerie glow across the forests surrounding the little, Pacific Northwest town. “It’s really different.”

“Oh?” She titled her head to the side, interested. “Where’d you transfer from?”

“Forks,” I answered, unsurprised when she looked confused by my one word answer. “It’s in Washington State, a few hours north of Seattle.”

“Oh… wow,” she commented, shaking her head. “You’re really far from home, aren’t you?”

The truth of her words hit me like a freight train, and I gripped the edge of the table as the longing and loneliness tore at my insides.  While she couldn’t have known about my life in Forks, Jillian had hit the nail on the head. Although I’d been trying to move forward in Jacksonville, it would never be my home. I had been deluding myself for so long, and with one simple statement, this girl had pulled the rose-tinted glasses off my eyes.

“Are you all right?” Jillian looked at me warily, her eyes trailing down to my hands, which were wrapped tightly around the table. “You look sick.”

“Ye-yeah,” I grumbled and tried to push the pain down. “Mild st-stomach bug.”

“Oh, that sucks,” she commented, and I was astounded when she didn’t try to move away. I always hated being sick, so whenever someone would mention an illness, I would distance myself from them. Then again, I had always been a little anti-social. Meanwhile, Jillian was staring at me with subtle fascination, as if I were a new species or something. “So, why did you move to Jacksonville?”

I couldn’t come up with any other response but, “It’s complicated.”

“I’ve been passed around foster care for the past six years.” She smiled, but it was a sad smile, and her eyes lowered a bit. “I know complicated.”

“Yeah, I guess you do,” I agreed. “It actually isn’t really complicated, now that I think about it. I moved to Forks from Arizona to live with my dad last January. My mom had remarried, and I wanted to give her and my step-dad time to travel alone.”

“Did things not go well with your father?”

I took a moment to collect my thoughts, to make sure I didn’t divulge too much information about my previous life. It was an intense burden, knowing I couldn’t talk to anyone about Edward and his family. To be honest, some part of me desired to spill my secrets about the vampires who, for a few months, had defined my world and my existence. A bubble of resentment rose in my stomach, but I anxiously pushed it down.  The secret was theirs to share, not mine. As Jillian waited patiently for my answer, I thought up something relatively vague.

“Well, my dad was always tied up with his work,” I said, focusing my attention on my hands. I had discovered I could lie better if I didn’t make eye contact. However, I couldn’t fight the sadness I felt over speaking about Charlie as if he didn’t care. If anything, my dad cared too much. “He’s the Chief of Police, and that keeps him pretty busy during the week. My mom didn’t think that really benefited a teenager anymore.”

“I can understand that,” she agreed before skillfully changing topics. “So, what did you do for fun in Washington?”

A sardonic scoff escaped as I pondered her question; there really wasn’t much to do in Forks. Well, that wasn’t entirely true; if you had vampire friends, there was plenty to do. However, knowing I couldn’t be forthright about the Cullens, I hedged as best I could. “Well, it’s a pretty small town, so there isn’t as much to do as there is here in Jacksonville, but there is in Port Angeles. That’s typically where the kids go to entertain themselves.”

“I know what you mean,” she said. “Some of the kids around here are the same way. Even though Jacksonville is a relatively big city, they’ll go to Daytona Beach, and sometimes, if they’re up for the drive, they’ll head down to Orlando. Me? I’m perfectly at home here and don’t need to go anywhere else.”

I nodded and started to tell her about my weekend trips to Seattle and Olympia, but the end of class bell cut me off with its shrill wail. Disappointed that our conversation had ended, I started packing up my backpack, pouting slightly. As I tossed my trig book in my bag, Jillian stopped me.

“Um, Bella?” She stood up from her seat, and unlike Angela, she was only a couple inches taller than me. She smiled meekly and pushed a strand of hair behind her ear, glancing at her feet every now and then. “Would you like to meet for lunch?”

“Lunch?” My chest swelled with hope and anxiety, and my ability to speak abandoned me. “You mean you and me? Today?”

“Uh… yeah.” She seemed confused, which she had every right to be; I was babbling like an idiot. Had I really become that out of touch with the rest of humanity? “I mean, you don’t have to if you don’t want to. I just enjoy talking to you—not many people really understand me.”

“No, I’d like that,” I insisted, trying not to sound too desperate, although I did find her explanation a little strange. We hadn’t really had that much conversation; how on earth could I understand her? Still, I wasn’t focusing too much on that. I was just happy I wouldn’t be sitting alone again. “Where should I meet you?”

“I sit inside the cafeteria, far against the wall,” she informed me and described where her typical table was located. I was a little impressed she was able to secure a table; every time I went into the cafeteria, they were always full. “I’ll see you then.”

“Okay,” I finally said, however, she had already disappeared out the door. I glanced around, startled to see the room was relatively empty, and knew I’d have to hurry if I was going to make it to my next class. As I crossed the campus, I couldn’t fight the nerves rushing through me, and I began to question if I had made the right decision. Even though I knew making friends would be beneficial in the long run, I was still suffering random meltdowns and didn’t want to scare this girl off.

As I sat through the next two classes, I barely paid attention to the instructors. Instead, I was trying to mentally prepare myself for what was to come. If I wanted the lunch with Jillian to be successful, I’d have to put as much effort as possible into not thinking about the Cullens. To anyone else, it would have seemed like an easy task… it was anything but. In the past couple weeks, I’d tried my best to stay out of the lunch room; just walking through the door caused so many hurtful memories.

Time passed easily, and before I knew it, it was time for lunch.  I trudged slowly to the cafeteria, a constant battle warring in my head. On one hand, I wanted to get to know Jillian, possibly form a friendship with her; on the other hand, I wasn’t sure if I could let someone in like that. I was still pondering it when I entered the lunch room, and as Jillian waved at me from across the room, I knew it was too late to turn back.

As I approached, I noticed she was sitting with a taller, dark-haired boy, who kind of reminded me of Jacob, Billy’s son. He had the same dark features, same lanky build, but not the same facial structure. He narrowed his eyes at me as I approached, and I fought the urge to slink away.

“Hi Bella,” Jillian said as I took a seat. “This is Steven. Steven, this is Bella.”

Steven, as he was called, made no attempt to speak, but he did raise his hand in acknowledgment. In fact, as I took a seat beside Jillian, he appeared to be interested in everything but us. While it didn’t bother me in the least, I did find it strange. Whenever I’d sat with Jessica and Angela, the entire table seemed interested in anything the others had to say. Steven seemed… well, a little apathetic. Regardless, I dismissed my curiosities as Jillian and I headed to the lunch line.

“Sorry about Steven,” she commented as she grabbed a soda by the register and nothing else. This wasn’t really a shock to me—Jessica had gone through a soda-strict diet fad. These things usually lasted for a week or two. “He can be a little gruff sometimes.”

“Is he?” I feigned ignorance as best I could, even though it was probably evident I was lying. “I hadn’t noticed.”

“Yeah, he’s a foster care brat, too. It kind of makes you a bit standoffish,” she informed me as we crossed back to our table where Steven was still sitting. I lowered my eyes as we passed him, and I made sure to sit as far from him as possible. I wasn’t sure what it was, but he bothered me. However, he appeared completely unfazed by us, and we were able to talk in peace.

Jillian, like Angela, wasn’t much of a talker, and I had to drag up my outdated social skills in order to keep the conversation flowing. After a few tries, I eventually dug some quality information out of my lunch date. When she had said she’d bounced around the foster care system, she wasn’t joking. After fifteen minutes, I had learned Jillian had lived in five different states—South Carolina, North Carolina, Georgia, Texas, and finally, Florida—over the past ten years. I hadn’t even known the foster care system sent children out of state, but according to Jillian, they did.

“I stayed with this one family.  They were weird.” She filled me in on a family who had loved Renaissance Fairs and had insisted she join them. “They made me this little peasant girl outfit, corset and all. It was very pretty, but I could hardly breathe in it! Of course, Mrs. J—she was the mom—kept telling me I’d get used to it. I never did.”

I giggled quietly, and the sound made my eyes widen in wonder. I was laughing, actually laughing, not the fake chuckles I used to placate Renee and Phil. I felt so unusually weightless that I laughed again, just to make the feeling last longer. Like my time with Nora, my conversation with Jillian seemed to be the perfect trick to chasing away my demons.

“So what about you, Bella?” Jillian redirected the conversation, and I felt the metaphorical spotlight shine on my head. “Are your parents interesting? Any shocking family secrets or sordid pasts?”

“Not particularly.” Feeling a bit more relaxed, I had no problem answering her question. “My dad was always the serious one, the one who figured things out and the one who paid the bills. My mom… she was the dreamer. I’m actually hoping she never discovers the Renaissance Festival now, because you and I would have one more thing in common if she did.”

We both laughed heartily, almost to the point of tears, and I relished in the warmth progressively spreading through my chest. I was so engrossed in our conversation, as well as the feeling of being … somewhat normal, I was startled when the bell rang. Considering my next class was Gym, the bane of my existence, I was disappointed our time had come to an end but quickly reminded myself I’d see her again the next day.

As I got up, Jillian sidled next to me. “Heading to the gym?”

“Yeah, don’t remind me,” I answered, frowning. “Physical activity doesn’t help the uncoordinated.”

“Oh,” she said, and her eyes glanced down. “Is that what caused that scar?”

I didn’t need verification to know where she was looking—there were only two visible scars where her eyes were directed, and each one had a story having nothing to do with my clumsiness. Sure enough, she reached out and pointed to the fresh scar on my arm, where I’d recently had the stitches removed.  My face fell as liquid agony poured from my chest, and I tried my best to stand upright. All the memories of my birthday came rushing back to me—the candles, flowers, the presents, Edward… and the blood.

“Bella?” When I looked up, Jillian was staring at me with a concerned frown. “Would you like to go to the nurse’s office? If you have a stomach bug, you should go home and get some rest.”

_Oh, that’s right, she thinks I’m sick… damage control, Bella._

“No, I’m fine,” I lied, shaking my head. “To answer your question, I hurt my wrist right before I moved here. I w-was in the… um, attic and ended up falling on some glass. So, yeah, my clumsiness did cause it.”

“Oh, okay,” she replied, looking from side to side awkwardly, and shifted her book bag on her shoulder. “Well, I think it’s time for class. I’m headed”—she pointed in the opposite direction—“that way.”

I cursed silently as she turned and started to walk away. However, after a few steps, she turned around. “Hey? Did you want to sit together again tomorrow?”

A light shone through the darkness of my thoughts, and I smiled. Despite my meltdown, she still wanted to hang out with me and possibly be my friend. “Yeah, absolutely.”

“Great.” She waved and headed towards the doors at the far end of the cafeteria. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

I quickly made my way outside, the sunlight shining down on me like a spotlight, but I hardly noticed it. I was too busy thinking about the complete absence of pain. Although I’d had a slip-up when she had mentioned my scar, Jillian’s request to meet with me again completely overshadowed everything else. I wasn’t exactly sure what it was about her or Nora, but they had uncanny ways of making me feel better. Despite my curiosity, I chose to enjoy it rather than question it.

The next couple hours should have been miserable for me, but they weren’t. Even though I was hit in the head with a tennis ball and managed to strike my doubles partner with a racquet, I was still happy. Despite my Chemistry partner dumping a foul-smelling liquid on my backpack, I was still looking at the glass as half full. In fact, when the last bell rang, I was fairly certain nothing would be able to tear me down.

I was wrong.

As I crossed campus, practically beaming with all the good things that had happened to me in the previous three hours, I was sidelined… literally. A hand shot out from the bushes and pulled me to the side, a second one cupping my mouth before I could scream. Whoever my assailant was, they dragged me into an alcove between two buildings and released me. With a terrified gasp, I spun around and came face-to-face with someone very familiar.

His dark hair hung in his eyes, his face was heart-shaped with a sharp jutting chin, and his clothes were in bad need of a wash. He was standing close enough, I could see his chest rising and falling as his breath quickened, and the closeness thrilled me a little.  However, as the seconds passed, the anger in Collin’s eyes began to scare me.

“Y-You!” I pointed at him and stumbled backwards, tripping over an air vent nestled in the earth.  Before I could fall, Collin’s hand shot out and gripped my forearm. I shrugged off his touch once I had regained my footing. “What the heck is wrong with you?”

“Did you read it?” His voice came out as a snarl, and I flinched in response. However, when he spoke again, his tone had lost much of its fervor. “My journal—did you read it?”

“Your journal?” My eyes widened, and I couldn’t fight the incredulous laugh from escaping my lips. This was absolutely ridiculous. “You’re cornering me because of your journal?”

“Just answer the question,” he growled between his teeth and shoved his hands in his pockets, refusing to meet my gaze. “Please.”

“N-No,” I stammered and fought back the angry tears threatening to spill. With this little stunt, Collin had managed to ruin my entire day. Regardless of how many times I tried to return to my happy state, it was nearly impossible.

He fisted his hair and let out a frustrated cry. “No… what? No, you didn’t read it, or no, you aren’t going to answer the question?”

I frowned and considered refusing to say anything, but somehow I knew it would only make the situation worse. Still, what right did he have to attack me over a journal? What rational human being would do something like that? Anxious to get as far away from him as possible, I answered, “I thought about reading it but decided you’d appreciate your privacy.”

We both fell silent, and despite our matching scowls, there was a flicker of shock in his eyes. It was clear to me that he’d assumed I had invaded his privacy and read his journal.  Knowing that I had defied his expectations made me feel a little smug, and I fought the urge to grin at him. Instead, I crossed my arms over my chest and glowered at him, quietly daring him to make the next move.

When he opened his mouth to speak, I half expected to hear some snarky comment, but he merely frowned contritely and said, “Thank you, Bella.” Without saying anything more, he trudged forward and disappeared around the corner, leaving me on the verge of a meltdown.

I stayed where I was, too freaked out to move or speak, but once I realized he wasn’t coming back, I released a shaky breath. As I lost feeling in my legs, I collapsed to the ground, bringing my knees to my chest and sobbed freely. I was thankful the little alcove was hidden behind bushes, so there was no worry of being seen in the dirt. That being said, I knew I couldn’t stay there for too long; Renee was waiting in the parking lot. I picked myself up, dragged my sleeve across my face to clear the tears away, and headed to the parking lot.

Even though I tried to hide it, my mother could tell immediately that something was wrong.  Regardless, no matter how much she pressed, I refused to tell her anything. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust Renee; I just didn’t want her to worry. When Renee worried, she hovered, and that was a big problem for me. So, as soon as we arrived at the house, I quickly snatched the keys, hugged her goodbye and left early for work. It felt strange to push her away—we were always so close back in Phoenix—but I didn’t feel like I had much of a choice.

When I arrived at the mall, I lingered in the car for a few additional minutes before heading inside.  I rested my head on the steering wheel and banged it with my free hand, frustrated by the altercation between Collin and me. Why was my life like this? Just when I thought I was beating my past, as well as all the negativity surrounding me, I was shoved off my path. Just who did Collin think he was? What was wrong with him? What normal, sane human being would react like that? I could understand questioning me in class, but definitely not in a shady corner. Frankly, the more I thought about, the angrier it made me.

After about fifteen minutes of stewing, I climbed out of the car. I’d made sure to park in the structure at the far end of the mall, the one Nora had suggested, and realized I had a long walk ahead of me. I was still upset, so I considered the distance a good thing. I didn’t want to be one of those employees: the ones who brought their personal problems into the office. Even though I was positive Nora wouldn’t begrudge me for it, I wanted to clear my mind before heading to Pages.

I walked past the stores, idly glancing at the products in the windows—clothes, luggage, video games—but wasn’t really paying attention. I was so focused on what had happened with Collin, I didn’t see Jillian approaching me. So, when she called out my name, I jumped in surprise.

“Oh, Jillian, hi,” I muttered, feeling somewhat embarrassed. “Sorry, I was lost in thought.”

“Don’t worry about it,” she commented, shrugging and pushing her hands into her pockets. “I’ve been told I have an unhealthy way of sneaking up on people. I should be the one apologizing.”

I tried to laugh along with her, but the noises I made sounded strange and foreign to me. I cursed internally, feeling the familiar hollowness expand through my insides, and quickly redirected the conversation before Jillian had a chance to notice the change in my demeanor. “What brings you to the mall?”

“Oh, you know, the usual,” she answered, and we started slowly walking in the direction of my workplace. “Hunting for a good deal, people-watching… all that jazz.”

“Sounds fun,” I responded, momentarily distracted when we passed the set of escalators that lead to the food court. Was Collin up there with his friends? The thought made me even more upset, so I turned my attention back to my companion, who was giving a strange look. “Sorry, were you saying something?”

“Is everything all right?” She stopped me, concerned. “Did-Did I interrupt something? Would you rather be alone? I can go if… if you like.”

I shook my head, my guilt chasing away my anger. Knowing I had to do some form of damage control, I chose the one thing that felt natural: I apologized. “I’m sorry I’m in such a bad mood. It isn’t you, Jillian, I swear. I just… “ _How much should I tell her?_  “I had a… bad experience before I left school.”

“Are you okay? Do you want to talk about it?” She smiled meekly. “I mean, you don’t have to, but I’ve been told I’m a great listener.”

While my gut reaction was to close off, to keep everything to myself, I knew it would only hurt me in the long run. I couldn’t explain what it was about Jillian; when I was with her, I felt like I could survive. I was much more alert, the pain radiating from the unhealing wound began to change, and I actually felt like I could live through the daily torture I was subjected to. Perhaps it was the hope that, one day, I would be strong enough to overcome my past. With this in mind, I made the decision to include Jillian.

 “You-you know Collin? My old table partner from Mr. Falcon’s class?” I turned to her and caught a flash of an indeterminable emotion in her expression. Instead of dwelling on it, I chose to continue my story. “After my first day at Jackson, I… sort of… ran into him over by the parking lot, and he was kind of mean to me.”

“I’m not surprised,” she snorted, but motioned for me to continue. “Sorry, I’m listening.”

“Well, when we bumped into one another, he dropped his journal. I picked it up and decided to return it to him in class, but he didn’t come back to school. To be honest, I thought about throwing it away; however, I happened to see him here with his friends. So I gave it to him then.”

She held her hand up, stopping my story. “Wait a second. Are you telling me you actually approached Collin Maevin and his little group up in the food court?”

I turned to find her staring at me in disbelief, and I couldn’t help but wonder what was so shocking about speaking to Collin and his strange friends. Sure they were unsavory looking, but not enough to warrant the look she gave me. “Is there something wrong with that?”

She stared straight ahead, her gaze unwavering. “Only if you don’t want to get hurt.”

I started to ask several questions at once and ended up mumbling a few unintelligible noises. After I took a moment to collect my thoughts, I tried again. “What do you mean by ‘get hurt’?”

“Collin is…” She appeared thoughtful, and I could only wonder what adjective she’d choose to describe him. Psychotic? Lazy? Weird?—“… troubled.”

“Okay.” I laughed at her vagueness, but when she made no effort to elaborate, I pushed for more. “What do you mean by ‘troubled’?”

“He’s doesn’t like anyone… well, he doesn’t exactly notice anyone enough to like them, and he hates to be bothered.  On top of that—“ She cut off her explanation and glanced around, almost as if she were afraid someone would overhear, which I found a bit odd. The mall was relatively empty, and the few shoppers who were there could probably have cared less what we were talking about. Still, Jillian scoured the area with narrowed eyes before speaking again.

“His sister used to go to Jackson, too,” she continued in a whisper, her gaze darkening as soon as she mentioned Collin’s sister. “She’s really tall, kind of pretty… in a weird way, and she has this really whitish blonde hair.” I knew who she was talking about, or at least, I had an idea. “Either way, she got into a really bad fight with this one girl and was expelled for it. I’d never seen something so brutal before in my life. All three of them were covered in blood, and I swear I could see his sister’s knuckle bones through her skin. It was… disturbingly gross. I’m really surprised they let him come back to school, but then again, he’s always been close with Principal Quinn.”

I assumed the blonde girl who had knocked me over a month before was the one Jillian was referring to, but she and Collin didn’t look like they were related. Collin had dark brown, if not black hair. She didn’t. While I didn’t know a whole lot about genetics, I was fairly certain it was almost impossible to naturally have one blonde child and one dark haired child. The air caught in my lungs as I remembered how the Edward and his “siblings” were viewed by the majority of Forks High School, and I tried to push the void down to my stomach so I could breathe adequately.

“So is that why you’re upset?” Jillian asked, her brow indenting, and her eyes traveled down to where my hands gripped my midsection.  “He was just rude to you?”

“Um, no.” I shook my head, and I occupied my hands by fiddling with the bottom hem of my shirt. “When I was leaving school today, he pulled me into a corner and demanded to know if I read his journal. He was very, uh, threatening… without actually threatening me, if that makes any sense, and he kind of scared me.”

“Oh my god,” she said, her eyes widening in shock. “Did you tell anyone about it? Other than me, I mean.”

I shook my head, sheepishly. “No, I didn’t—I just figured it was better to forget it happened.”

Jillian pursed her lips thoughtfully, and after a few seconds, she nodded. “Well, you may be right about that, Bella. I mean, if you told the office, and Collin got in trouble, there’s no telling what he would do. I think it’s just best you stay away from him from now on. However,”—she pointed at me—“if he does this again, please do me a favor and tell someone.”

I smiled, grateful for Jillian’s concern. “I will.”

We continued making small talk, mostly about a few events happening at school, as well as complaints about our teachers. We were so wrapped up in our conversation, I was startled when I heard someone calling my name. Jillian and I had walked right past Pages, and I hadn’t even noticed.  Nora waltzed out of the store, looking elegant in a cream colored, knee-high dress, and the same purple cardigan she’d been wearing when I first met her. She stopped in front of me and smiled, but when I introduced Jillian, her eyes cut sharply to the girl beside me.

After greeting us both, Nora turned her full attention on me. “You’re early.”

“Yeah, sorry,” I commented and looked down at my watch; It was almost an hour before my shift. “I wanted to do some browsing before clocking in.”

“This is perfect, actually. I could use your help in the store. Would you mind coming in now?” Nora waved me forward, and I shuffled toward the shop. However, the sharp glare my boss cast over my head was not lost on me, and I turned a questioning eye to Jillian, who merely reciprocated the look of contempt directed at her. What on earth was going on?

Instead of questioning their silent interaction right there, I decided to ask Nora about it later. So, after agreeing to clock in, I turned back to Jillian. “Sorry to cut this short—I have to get to work.”

“You work at Pages.” There was no question, it was just a simple sentence, but that one statement seemed to be loaded with so many unspoken words. Frankly, the idea that Jillian wasn’t telling me something was a little unsettling, but I couldn’t begrudge her for it; there was plenty I wasn’t telling her.  As I continued to stare at her, silently urging her to say more and willing her to share whatever was going through her mind, all the suspicious emotions in her eyes faded. “Well, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow, Bella.”

“Yeah,” I muttered, still not understanding, especially when she glanced at the store behind me and narrowed her eyes. “I’m happy I’ll actually be sitting next to someone in trig. Doing all the group work by myself has been a little rough.”

She offered me a distracted smile, and after turning her back on me, she hurried in the other direction. I stood in the doorway and watched her go, trying to comprehend what I’d seen between her and Nora, and decided to get to the bottom of it. I found my boss on the phone in the back room, and after she hung up, I gave her what I hoped was an expectant look.

“I need you to reorganize the young adult section,” Nora said without looking at me. “There was a group of middle schoolers in here earlier, and I know they tore it up.” I didn’t move, and she eventually found me staring at her. “Is something wrong, Bella?”

“I was actually going to ask you the same question,” I answered, but when she turned her undivided attention toward me, I started to fidget nervously. “Do-do you know Jillian?”

“We’ve met once or twice,” she replied and narrowed her eyes. “How do _you_ know her, Bella?”

“We both go to Jackson,” I said, shrugging. “She sits by me in my math class, and we eat lunch together.”

“But I thought…” Nora’s neck jerked back in surprise, and her brow furrowed as she babbled quietly. After a few seconds, she shook her head and laughed. “I’m sorry, I must have mistaken her for someone else.”

I didn’t believe her, not for one second, but I didn’t have the nerve to question her either. So instead of dwelling on what the connection was between Nora and Jillian, I headed to the second floor and proceeded to rearrange the young adult section as I was told. Regardless of how focused I was on my task, I couldn’t help but wonder why my boss would lie to me. It was obvious they knew each other… but how? Moreover, why had they glared at one another?

I was so wrapped up in my internal conversation with myself, I hardly noticed the footsteps trailing up the stairs. When I leaned back and glanced over the shelves, wanting to make sure I had arranged the books correctly, I gasped when a shadow fell over me. I breathed a sigh of relief when I noticed it was only Nora.

“You really have to stop doing that,” I complained humorously and rose off the ground. “Are you trying to give me a heart attack?”

“Not at all,” she answered, smiling. “Then again, your being on edge isn’t necessarily my fault. I was going to ask earlier if you were all right. You seemed a little, I don’t know, nervous.”

I stammered a bit and lowered my eyes, wondering if I should tell her what had happened at school, but decided it couldn’t hurt anything.  A bit of hope flickered in my mind as I wondered if opening up to her would convince her to share the truth about her and Jillian. “I just had a really bad encounter with a guy at school—it kind of put me in a bad mood.”

“What do you mean by bad?” She frowned and pulled up a step ladder, using it as a chair.

“This guy who used to sit next to me in math,” I explained, still keeping my eyes glued to the floor. For some reason, regardless of how upset I was at Collin, I felt bad for sharing what had occurred between us. “A few weeks ago, we bumped into one another, and in the process, he dropped his journal. I returned it to him, and I thought I did a good thing, but he cornered me today and demanded to know if I read it.”

“Good lord,” she commented, her brow furrowing in displeasure. “Did you tell the principal or call the police?”

I shook my head. “No, I just thought it would be best if I forgot about it.”

“Bella, look at me,” Nora said firmly, and when I lifted my gaze to her, she stared intently into my eyes.  Her brown eyes looked different, but before I could point out how, she turned away from me. “If this occurs again, you need to tell the principal.”

“I know,” I agreed hesitantly. “I guess I just don’t want the attention.”

“Regardless.” She waved her hand in the air. “These things have a tendency to get a lot worse. I’d hate to see anything happen to you, Bella. You remind me too much of someone I once knew.”

I started to ask her who I reminded her of, but she cut me off by walking downstairs. For a while, I just sat there, pondering everything she had, but ultimately became more confused. I finally decided to think of it later, when I wasn’t on the clock, and quickly finished the task given to me. As I slipped the last book onto the shelves, I glanced at my watch and noticed that almost two hours had gone by.

I found Nora on the ground level, checking some new books into inventory. She smiled when I started helping her. Things with my boss were like this: easy and uncomplicated. I think that was why working at Pages helped assuage the loneliness in my life. Then again, it could have been Nora herself; she always knew exactly what to say to make me feel better.  Whichever it was, I was content just reveling in it, and soon, the incident with Collin faded from my mind altogether.


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All recognizable aspects of this story are the property of their respective owners. All original aspects of this story are the property of the author and are therefore copyrighted. This story is for entertainment purposes only. No copyright infringement intended.

Chapter Six

I stirred earlier than usual the following morning, and when I wondered why, I heard a familiar sound outside the window. The pitter-patter hitting the side of the house filled me with horror, and at a speed comparable to a vampire, I launched myself out of bed. As I ripped the curtains away from the window, I stifled a cry. The streets were slick, the glass was covered with moisture, the plants appeared more vibrant than before, and there were puddles forming everywhere. I clutched my chest and heaved a sob when I realized I wasn’t hallucinating; it was raining in Jacksonville.

I collapsed on the floor and wrapped my arms around my stomach, trying to prevent the inevitable. My lungs constricted as the memories of the lush, green forests of Forks danced through my mind, and I was immediately coughing, desperate to get oxygen into my body. In reality, my respiratory system was functioning fine, that much I knew, but I still wheezed and clutched at my throat. As I lay down on the floor, the carpet irritating the side of my face, I hugged my ribs and silently begged for the numbness to return.

When the moment finally subsided, I lifted myself up and frowned at the window. I briefly considered feigning illness and staying home from school, but I knew it wouldn’t help. Instead of being distracted by my schoolwork, I would be alone with my memories and thoughts. So, after scowling at the outside world one last time, I dressed for the day, grabbed my backpack, and headed out to the kitchen.

I hardly touched my breakfast and apologized to my mother for not eating… again, but I could tell she and Phil were growing suspicious. Before either of them could ask any questions, I fled to the living room and sat on the couch. It was still raining, and every time the water drops hit the side of the house, it felt like a nail was being driven into my heart. I held my backpack on my lap and gripped it tightly, trying to hide the tears that were threatening to pour down my cheeks. When Renee announced it was time to leave, I tried to dry my eyes subtly. _You can do this, Bella, just get through the day._

I flipped the hood of my sweater over my head once I was outside, glared at the water on the ground when it made the bottom hem of my jeans damp, and pushed through the foul weather. 

It was painfully obvious Mom, as well as the other residents of Jacksonville, were somewhat unskilled when it came to driving in the rain. While we moved through the slick streets, I grimaced as I watched a few cars skid through intersections, and I gasped when my own mother almost rear-ended someone at a stoplight. While having my heart speed up at random intervals was trying, I was happy I was no longer focusing on the rain.

The front of the school was relatively empty when we arrived. The few students I could see had retreated underneath the awnings. I did my best not to think of my last day at Forks High School, but it was difficult. As I sat there, staring at a group of students, I could almost see Eric standing among them, shouting for me to come in from the rain. With a violent shake of my head, I pushed the thought away and unhooked my seatbelt. I was about to climb out of the car when Renee stopped me. Her hand rested lightly on my shoulder, and I turned to her.

“Bella,” she said hesitantly. _Oh no, this can’t be good._ “Would you like to move back with your Dad?”

I was rendered speechless, too stunned to respond immediately. Why on earth would she ask me something like that? I’d been trying to stay neutral for her sake, making vain attempts to appear happy when I really wasn’t. Was that not enough? What more could I do? As my face crumpled, and I started to feel my lungs close off, she continued.

“I just think it might be better, honey,” she rationalized. “It’s obvious to Phil and me that you’re not happy here. We hate to see you miserable, and if going back to Forks will help that, then so be it.”

“Are-are you mad at me?” The words were out before I could stop them, and I frowned as I realized my brain filter had been switched off. I didn’t mean to sound so accusatory, but I couldn’t control what I was saying in that moment. As I tried to wrangle in my words, I found it nearly impossible to do so. “Did I do something wrong?”

She sighed and shook her head. “Bella, you hardly eat or sleep—this has gotten way out of hand. I can understand being sad, but this isn’t normal, honey.  If you’d just talk to me—tell me what you need—then maybe I wouldn’t feel so helpless.”

I frowned at my hands, knowing that talking was a lost cause. It all came down to one problem: I couldn’t open up about it. There was no way I could possibly explain the depth of my feelings for Edward without revealing what he really was. A flicker of bitter loathing appeared in a dark corner of my mind, but I immediately pushed it away. I didn’t mind keeping his secret. It made me feel connected to him; it reminded me he was real.

Still, I knew the longer I sat there, the more likely I was to be shipped back to Washington, so I hedged the best I could. “I… just need… time.”

Renee paused for a moment, and I could tell she didn’t exactly believe what I said. I had never been a great liar, something my mother knew well, and I wouldn’t have been surprised if she called me out on my fib. However, she simply smiled, nodded and said, “Okay, honey.”

“I’m sorry, Mom.” My apology was reactionary, lifeless, and without feeling, even to me. I’d thought my efforts to keep her from hovering had been working, but I was wrong. Keeping Renee and Phil at arms’ length had been the driving force behind my efforts. They were why I was going to school every day, why I remotely tried to keep up appearances. As I looked at her and realized it had all been a wasted effort, I felt depressed.

“Bella, don’t apologize.”

“What should I do then?” I was getting irritated with the new version of my mother. The old Renee would never have bothered me, never would have become so invested in my life; I missed my old mom. Frankly, the more I thought about her attention to my life, the angrier I felt. “If I’m doing something wrong, please, tell me.”

“Bella,” she said hesitantly and lowered her eyes. I knew my mother’s body language like the back of my own hand. Whenever she refused to look at me, it usually meant she knew I wasn’t going to like what she had to say. With that in mind, I braced myself for impact. “You’re not the first person to go through this kind of thing, you know.”

“I know that.” My insides were crying, clawing at the edges, trying to end my own suffering. However, on the outside, I was stoic and blank.

“Well, I was thinking,” she said, lowering her eyes again. “Maybe you need some... someone to talk to.”

“No.” I shook my head, knowing where she was going with this.

“Hear me out, all right? Maybe, well, maybe if you talked to someone—a professional—things might get better for you. I don’t think you’re crazy, honey, and I’m not trying to have you locked away. That’s not what this is about. I just think, maybe, you need someone to help you cope with everything.”

“I’m fine.” I had to choke the words out, push them over the lump in my throat. I felt deceived, blindsided, roped in, with no means of escape. My hands started to shake, and I fought the nausea building in my stomach. “I am coping.”

“Isabella, you and I both know that’s not true.” She grasped my chin and turned my head towards her. I’d never seen my mother look so worn before. I found it deeply unsettling. “Phil and I have been waiting for you to come around, for Old Bella to resurface, but it’s just not happening. You’re not coping… I, well, I don’t know what you’re doing, but it’s not helping.”

“And you think me seeing a shrink would?” I didn’t know much about psychology or psychiatry, but I was pretty sure it would only help if the patient was one hundred percent sincere and honest. If only my mother knew how worse off I’d be if I told the truth. I actually wondered if there was a special ward belonging to people claiming to have seen vampires. “Trust me, Mom—it won’t.”

“I just don’t know how to help you, Bella. Maybe Charlie could—“

“Mom, please stop,” I said in a desperate voice. “Would you like me to go out more? Is that what this is about? Would you prefer it if I wasn’t home so you could have alone time with Phil?”

It was a low blow, and we both knew it.

“That’s not what this is about, and you know it, Isabella.” I had to give Renee credit, her arguing skills had improved. A year before, and a comment like that would have made her furious, but she was completely calm as she addressed me. “I want you to be happy, or at least I want you to not be miserable. You came here to have a fresh start, honey, but all you seem to be doing is hanging onto the past. Wounds won’t heal unless you stop picking at them.”

“I’m not picking at anything,” I insisted, and before she could respond, I opened the car door. “I have to get to class. I’ll see you after school.”

The humid, rain-soaked wind tossed my hair, and I quickly covered my head with the hood of my sweater again. Not wanting to risk having my mother chase me down, I sprinted through the parking lot, making sure to dodge the puddles of water. I almost slipped a few times, but thankfully, I made it to the front of the school without sustaining any serious injuries. Before heading inside, I chanced a look behind me and was thankful when I didn’t see Renee’s car.

I bit back a sob as I hurried into the main building, and I sat on the bench outside of the front office. Without caring if anyone saw me, I dropped my head in my hands. Not only had I failed in my attempt to keep Mom from worrying, I’d attracted even more of her attention than I desired. No matter how I looked at it, no amount of damage control was going to fix this easily. Unfortunately, that only left me with more problems than I needed. Only one question danced through my mind: how could I find a way of convincing my mother I was happy?

The two-minute warning bell rang above me, and momentarily forgetting the issues with Renee, I grabbed my backpack and dashed down the hall. I knew I was tempting fate by running with wet sneakers, so I wasn’t entirely surprised when I rounded a corner and smacked into something hard. I hit the ground with a resounding thud, and I winced as pain shot up through my back. I expected to see some kind of statue or receptacle when I checked to see what I had hit, but instead, Jillian was staring down at me.

“Oh my goodness, Bella,” she exclaimed and reached down to help me up. “Are you all right?”

I nodded as I stood up. “I’m fine.”

Jillian opened her mouth to speak, but she quickly closed her lips and glanced down at her watch. Her eyes widened a little, and she gestured with her head for me to follow her. “Come on, we’re going to be late.”

We both jogged through the rain toward our first class, and I desperately tried to keep from slipping. Unfortunately, as we took a short cut through a patch of grass, my feet flew out from under me. Jillian tried to steady me, but her attempts only caused me to become more unbalanced, and we both tumbled to the wet earth. I squeaked when the moisture dampened my jeans, and I scrambled to my feet, as did Jillian.

I flushed bright red and tried to apologize, but it merely came out as incoherent babble. On top of the rain, and Renee trying to convince me to move back with Charlie, I was about to lose my only friend. This day had quickly gone from bad to worse. So, when Jillian started laughing, I braced myself for her harsh words, but they never came.

“My god, Bella,” she commented in between chuckles, and I noticed she didn’t look upset or irritated. If anything, she looked entertained. “You told me you were clumsy, but I thought you were exaggerating.”

To say I felt relieved was a severe understatement. A huge weight released from my chest the moment I was sure Jillian wasn’t upset that I had knocked her over. I felt the anger and tension from my conversation with Renee dissolve, and I smiled in response. I wanted to say so much to Jillian, but as I tried to speak, her face fell. My stomach knotted as I stared at her guarded, stern expression, and before I could question it, I heard someone clear their throat behind us.

When I turned around, I found a tall man in business casual attire, carrying an umbrella and staring at us sullenly. As the muted light hit his face, I recognized him; he was the principal. I recalled seeing his picture in the office when I’d registered for school; the portrait didn’t do him justice. He was very tall, at least a foot taller than me, and his dark hair complimented his subtle tan perfectly. Even though I remembered his face, I couldn’t recall what his name was.

“Good morning, Principal Quinn,” Jillian interjected as she sidled next to me. “Is there something you needed?”

His eyes narrowed when she spoke, and in a stern voice, he said, “Get to class, girls.”

“Yes, sir.” Jillian quickly guided me back toward our destination.

A shiver crept up my spine as we moved past him, and a tingling sensation spread through my appendages. I rubbed my upper arms with both hands, thinking maybe I was just cold, but the buzzing didn’t go away. There was a voice in the back corner of my mind, a whisper telling me that something was off—something was wrong. As the drizzling rain began to pick up, I convinced myself I was just being paranoid, and I picked up my pace.

However, when we reached the math building, I glanced back one more time. Principal Quinn was still standing there, staring after us.

“What was that about?” I asked once we were inside the building, the door shut behind us.

“What?” Jillian looked blank for a moment. “Oh! You mean Principal Quinn?” I nodded. “Yeah, he’s always a little… um… off.”

“Off,” I laughed sardonically and glanced over my shoulder. The principal had vanished. “That’s putting it mildly, don’t you think? I mean, he was just staring at us.”

“Yeah, he does that.” She was quiet after that, and although I wanted to find out more information, I chose not to push.

As we walked up the stairs, I couldn’t stop thinking about the principal’s bizarre behavior. The administration at my old high school in Forks was often nonexistent, only appearing when something different happened, such as accidents in the parking lot or assemblies. To be honest, I couldn’t remember what the principal or vice principal of Forks High School looked like. Even if I hadn’t had much experience with high school principals, I was almost certain they didn’t act the way Principal Quinn had. Although I knew dissecting his behavior would only stress me out, I couldn’t deny my budding curiosity.

When Jillian and I walked into class and headed to our desk in the back, I cast a sideways glance at my old table. It was a simple gesture, and I wasn’t even sure why I did it, but the moment my eyes rested on that desk, I froze.  There was someone sitting there, someone familiar. I looked down, my ears burning red hot, and my teeth tearing at my bottom lip. I reminded myself I had no reason to feel subconscious. After all, I hadn’t been the one to corner Collin. I hadn’t been the one demanding if he had read my journal. With that in mind, I started moving at a somewhat normal pace again.

“Are you all right?” Jillian asked when I sat down next to her. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“I feel a little sick,” I said, trying not to glance over at Collin. “I think it was something I ate this morning.”

I kept my head down and tried to focus on the lesson Mr. Falcon was teaching, but it was next to impossible. After being absent for almost a month, I wondered why Collin had decided to come back to Jackson.  He and I were barely acquaintances, and far from ever being friends, so I couldn’t just walk up and ask him, but I still couldn’t ignore the weirdness of his presence. There was also something different about him, but I couldn’t quite pinpoint what that difference was. He was still wearing that same raggedy flannel shirt, black jeans, and boots, but that wasn’t all. He looked… rested, if that made sense. He was almost glowing with energy and rejuvenation, something I immediately envied him for.

While trying to inspect him as inconspicuously as possible, he suddenly turned his head and locked eyes with me. Surprised by his sudden movement, I quickly diverted my attention back to the lecture. For the remainder of the class, I very carefully kept my eyes on what Mr. Falcon wrote on the board, and when the bell rang at the end of class, I all but sprinted for the door. I felt a little guilty for bolting from Jillian like that, but I planned on explaining everything at lunch.

The rain continued through the school day, and by the time lunch rolled around, the campus was almost underwater. I frowned at the sloshing sound my shoes made as I headed to the cafeteria, and I made a mental note to buy an umbrella. When I walked in the lunchroom, I took a few extra moments to shake the loose water droplets from my clothing. Once I had finished, I spied Jillian waving me over from her normal table. Steven, the one who never spoke to me, was sitting beside her.

“It’s shaping up to be a wet winter,” Jillian complained when I took a seat, and her assessment made my mood fall even more. Although I strongly disliked the cold, I could tolerate it if it wasn’t paired with the rain. However, Jillian had been living here longer than me, so my hopes were quickly diminished. “Are you feeling any better, Bella?”

“A little bit.” I sighed. “To be honest, I was just freaked out that Collin was in class today.”

She nodded. “I figured he had something to do with it. Bella, are you sure you don’t want to report him to the office? I mean, it’s obvious he scared you. The least they could do is transfer one of you to another class.”

“It’s unnecessary.” I shook my head, unsure if I was trying to convince her or myself, and forced my lips into a smile. “I’m fine, Jillian, really—it was just a surprise.”

“All right, if you say so.” She still looked unconvinced, but thankfully, she didn’t try to push. Instead, she navigated the conversation back to the weather. The rain outside had increased, and the violent downpour was filling the cafeteria with a thunderous roar. “Welcome to hurricane season.”

“How long do these storms usually last?” I complained and turned my head so I could see out the window. The glass was streaked with fresh rainwater, and I frowned in response, knowing I’d have to walk to class through that. I was used to the near-constant drizzle of Forks, but that didn’t mean I wanted to see it here. I knew the sentiment was pointless, though.

“It depends, really,” Jillian answered. “I think this might just be a thunderstorm, which means it’ll be clear in a day or so. Let’s just hope we don’t get any serious weather this time. Last year we saw some decent tropical storms and hurricanes, but it wasn’t anything terrible. We usually get the cast offs from bigger storms, which is kind of a blessing.”

“I just hope they don’t stick around,” I murmured and wrapped my arms tighter around my stomach. It was ludicrous to hope for perfect weather, especially in Florida, but I couldn’t help it. The rain not only made me think of the Cullens, it served to remind me of my father, my old friends... my old life.

“I take it you don’t like the rain.”

“You have no idea,” I answered, shaking my head.

 As I glanced around at all the tables filled with groups of friends, laughing and enjoying each other’s company, I felt inadequate. I briefly smiled when I remembered Angela, Eric, and Mike, but that revelry was short-lived when I recalled Jessica. What were she and Edward doing at that moment? I swallowed the revulsion building in my throat, but it wasn’t enough to assuage the liquid fire from spreading through my veins. I anxiously tried to find something to distract my mind from the pain, and as I lifted my eyes to glance out the window again, I found it. I found him.

He was sitting against the far wall, his feet propped up on the table in front of him, and his fingers were laced behind his head. His drawn expression, pale complexion, and lanky physique set him apart from the rest of the student body. While they all frolicked, he was still; while they caroused with one another, he was silent and solitary. Collin looked like the definition of relaxed, and I would have written it off as nothing if I hadn’t noticed he was staring at me.

The butterflies filled my stomach, and I knew I had to get some fresh air if I wanted to avoid the possibility of vomiting. So, after offering Jillian a placating explanation, I grabbed my bag and hurried outside. I didn’t stop to see if Collin was still staring; I just pushed my way through a crowd of teenagers, and once outside, I gasped for air. Not wanting to catch the attention of the students lingering in the cafeteria doorway, I headed to a shady alcove in between the gym and main building.

It was a small nook, similar to the one Collin had dragged me into, but it had a few stone benches lining the walls. The area contained three medium-sized trees that blocked the majority of the rainfall. Once I got there, I took a seat a bench beneath a tree, and my head fell into my hands.

As I sat there, trying to think of anything except Collin, I accidentally let a memory slip through. I remembered my last day at Forks High School, Jessica sitting close to Edward, and I recalled the way I’d sat in the rain, unmoving and uncaring. My stomach burned, and my vision turned red. I wanted to blame my pain on the Cullens and their apathy, but I couldn’t. I wanted to hate Alice and Edward with a fiery passion, but I wouldn’t. So, as my arm tightened helplessly around my stomach, I just sat there and took it. After all, the pain was all I had left of the elusive family of vampires.

While I ruminated by myself, trying not to let the agonizing torture get out of hand, I started to get the feeling I was being watched. A chill went down my spine, and I debated on whether I should look up or not. After all, if there was someone watching me, would I really want to know? All doubt fled my mind when I heard light footsteps, and my eyes instinctively snapped up.

Collin was standing there, the rain beading off his hair and clothes, his eyes focused on me.

“What do you want?” I demanded defensively, trying to be as ferocious as humanly possible, but my voice sounded pathetic. As I rose off the bench, my sneaker caught on a wide crack in the cement, and I tumbled forward.  I gasped as the concrete rushed up to meet my face, but a firm set of arms grabbed me, preventing me from injuring myself. When my eyes trailed down and found it was Collin who had stopped me from falling, I pushed away from him. “Don’t touch me!”

He stumbled away and lowered his eyes, seeming abashed. “Sorry.”

As much as I wanted to interrogate him about why he had acted so weird, I was too freaked out by the sight of him to say anything. Even though there were things about him that could be considered somewhat attractive, he scared the living hell out of me. So, instead of staying to satiate my curiosity, I hurried back toward the cafeteria. I’d gotten enough fresh air to last me a lifetime. However, as I rounded the corner, there was a loud crash behind me.

Against my better judgment, I dashed around the corner and was met with an empty alcove; Collin was nowhere to be seen. Just like at the mall, he had managed to vanish mysteriously. Of course, as I spied twin doors that probably lead to a utility closet, I figured that was where he had gone. _Whatever, I don’t care._

I huffed and spun around, ready to go back inside, when I noticed something strange. The stone bench I had been sitting on a few minutes earlier was split in half. It lay on the ground in a heap of rubble with no sign of what could have caused its demise. I backed away from the demolished bench slowly, and with one last look at it, I ran in the other direction.

I didn’t stop until I reached the cafeteria, but instead of heading to where Jillian and Steven were sitting, I ducked into the bathroom to think. Once I was there, I threw cold water on my face in a vain effort to clear my head.

What had happened to the bench? The only person who had been in that area was Collin. Could he have…? _No._ I shook my head; the idea of him shattering thick stone was laughable. _It wouldn’t be if he was a vampire._ I froze and glanced at my reflection in the mirror as the stray thought came to me. I waited for the agonizing pain, which would likely stem from such a moronic concept, but it didn’t come.  Instead, I grew angry.

_Collin’s not a vampire… I’ve seen him in the sunlight already… and he doesn’t have red eyes… he can’t be a vampire… but there’s definitely something off about him._

I cut off that line of thinking and reminded myself who he really was: someone who had cornered me, a slacker, and a pitiful excuse for a human being. The list was endless. As I stared at myself in the mirror, I shook my head and laughed; I couldn’t believe Collin was making me freak out yet again. I refused to let him ruin another one of my days. So after taking a minute to collect myself, I headed back out to where Jillian was sitting. Thankfully, she didn’t ask any questions; she simply continued conversing about the weather.

The rest of the day was just as strange as the morning had been, and I was happy when the last bell rang. Every turn I took, every hallway I walked down, it seemed like Collin was waiting for me. True, he made no effort to speak to me, but as he passed me, his gaze was undeniably focused on me. I tried to convince myself I was seeing things, he couldn’t possibly be watching me, but I couldn’t believe it.

When I climbed into Renee’s car, I felt myself relax momentarily. However, as I recalled what my mother and I had talked about that morning, I mentally prepared myself for the worst. Would she try to send me to Forks again? Did she still believe I needed professional help? My stomach started to burn when I heard Renee sigh heavily. _Here we go._

“How was your day?” Her voice was strained. “Was class okay?”

“Everything was fine.”

“Good.”

The conversation died after that, and we both fell into the most uncomfortable level of silence I’ve ever experienced.  The tension hung in the air like a dense fog, and by the time we reached the house, I felt like I was suffocating. Not wanting to get caught in another discussion with my mother, I left early for work. Renee looked like she wanted to contest my decision, but she ultimately stayed quiet and watched me leave. I felt terrible for shutting her out, but I had no other choice.

I briefly considered parking in the underground parking structure, the one Nora had warned me against, mainly because I didn’t want to walk past the food court. However, I told myself it was a ridiculous reason to possibly put my life in jeopardy, and instead, I headed to the far one. The mall wasn’t very busy, so I quickly found a spot close to the front entrance.

I passed the time by window-shopping and people watching. Halloween was in a couple days, and the shops were practically bursting with holiday costumes and decorations. I sighed when I stopped in front of a window display full of _Dracula_ related merchandise, and I felt my stomach quake in response. Instead of letting my thoughts overtake me, I shuffled forward and didn’t look back.

I was quiet throughout work, never speaking to Nora unless she asked me a direct question. Her side glances and frowns told me she had noticed my quietness, but thankfully, she chose not to say anything. Although I loved talking and laughing with her, the incident with Collin was too distracting for me. On top of that, I knew if I told Nora about it, she wouldn’t leave me alone until I told someone. That was the same reason that kept me from telling Jillian about what had happened. As right as they were, I just couldn’t bring myself to rat out Collin.

I didn’t sleep well that night, even though my eyelids protested after midnight.  My near endless thoughts of Collin, accompanied by the heavy rain outside, and the occasional dwelling on Edward or Alice kept me from finding any form of rest.  I tossed and turned, burying my head under two pillows to drown out the weather, trying to find comfort in my blankets and failing miserably.

I trudged out to the table in the morning, having only secured about four hours of sleep, and found my mother flitting around the kitchen. Just like many other mornings, Renee had created a delicious breakfast spread, which smelled amazing, and I hardly touched any of it. However, instead of looking concerned, she looked mad.  Her nostrils flared, and she turned around abruptly, picking up pans and practically throwing them in the dishwasher. It had been a long time since I’d seen her like this; it was almost a breath of fresh air.

Once we were in the car, she offered no pleasantries to me. Instead, she launched into a full-blown rant, not affording me any chance to speak or defend myself. Apparently, one of her coworkers had been through a difficult time with depression and had found solace in a therapist, Dr. Cunningham. Renee had secured the doctor’s phone number and was anxiously trying to get me to call her. When I outright refused, Renee grew more agitated.

“Bella, please don’t shut me out, honey,” she pleaded, and as much as it killed me, I tried to ignore her. “I only want what’s best for you. I’ve heard good things about Doctor Cunningham—won’t you please consider seeing her?” I refused to answer, which only made Renee angrier. As we pulled up to the front of the school, she lost whatever temper she had left, and the Renee I once knew came roaring back. “What happened to you, Bella? I understand he broke your heart, but goodness, you two weren’t even together for that long! It’s just a crush… isn’t that what you said to me last March? I know you think you love him—“

I shoved the door open and slammed it behind me, not caring about the way Renee called after me. A few idling students stopped and gawked at the unfolding drama, but I simply ignored them. A dizzying array of emotions shot through me as I stalked across the parking lot; betrayal, hurt, and anger, to name a few. Why was my mother so invested in my happiness? Why couldn’t she just leave me alone? Charlie would never have been so disrespectful and… mean. Once inside the main building, I headed to the bathroom and locked myself in one of the stalls. The moment I shut the stall door, the tears poured from my eyes like a waterfall.

The rational part of my brain reminded me that Renee only wanted what was best for me. She had never been very tactful, so it wasn’t surprising she had acted the way she had, but it didn’t mean I was quick to forgive her. In fact, the more I thought about going home with her at the end of the school day, the sicker I felt.

When I arrived in trig, Jillian was already at our desk, her head resting on the table. I breathed a sigh of relief; a conversation with her would be the perfect distraction. However, as I took a seat beside her, she made no effort to speak to me.

“Hey,” I said, trying to rouse my friend from her position, but it didn’t work. _She must be tired… maybe the storm kept her up too._ When she lifted her head, I could see dark bags under her eyes, which confirmed my theory. “Rough night?”

She turned a blank, emotionless face to me. “You have no idea.”

I opened my mouth to tell her how the storm had affected my sleep as well, but Collin chose that moment to glide through the doorway. His eyes cut to Jillian and me, and I felt my body tense under the weight of his gaze. However, he simply took his normal seat and pulled out his journal… _the_ journal.

I frowned at the tiny black book—the one responsible for a lot of my issues with Collin—but shifted to the front of the class as Mr. Falcon walked through the door. He waved a pile of papers above his head and announced we were having a pop quiz. I’d been studying every night as a way to chase away my painful memories, so I wasn’t worried about it. I reached down to get a pencil from my backpack, and when I sat up straight, I noticed Collin was staring at me. Actually, that wasn’t an accurate observation; he was staring past me. I glanced over my shoulder, and my eyebrows pulled together as I noticed a distinct change in my table partner’s demeanor.

Jillian was hunched over her desk, her hand clasped in a tight fist, and she was visibly shaking. My brow furrowed at the strangeness of her body language, and I tried to think of something I could say or do to help her. However, when Mr. Falcon passed our desk, Jillian’s body shot up straight, and she took the quiz from our instructor, all signs of her distress vanished.

“All right, ladies and gentlemen,” Mr. Falcon announced grandly. “As soon as you finish your quiz, you’re to head over to the library and study. I have to cut out early, but that doesn’t give you free rein to roam about campus! The librarian will be waiting with a sign-in sheet, so don’t think about skipping.”

The quiz took longer than I anticipated, but it probably had something to with my worrying about Jillian. What was wrong with her? Had she simply had a rough night like me, or was there something else going on? With all the questions running through my mind, I found myself rushing through the problems on the quiz. Jillian had finished and left five minutes prior, so I was anxious to follow her.

After fifteen minutes, I finally grabbed my backpack, turned in my quiz, and walked out the door. As I headed to the library, I tried to think of what I should say to her. Was it better to be outright and simply ask what was wrong, or should I be subtle? I was so lost in thought, I didn’t hear the person approaching me from behind.

“Bella.” Unlike the previous times she had startled me, she didn’t apologize. Instead she gestured with her head and took a few steps. “Walk with me?”

There was a chilling edge to her voice, and her words, the very same ones Edward had used moments before he had shattered me, sent my body into freak out mode. I took a step away and stared at her warily, trying to figure out the bizarre look on her face. What on earth was going on with her?  As I continued to gawk, her face changed to the typical smile Jillian always wore.

“I’m sorry,” she apologized, shaking her head. “I’m freaking you out, aren’t I?”

“No,” I said, but I faltered and added, “Well, maybe a little. Is everything all right?”

She sighed deeply and ran a hand through her hair. “I’m in a whole world of trouble, and I don’t know how to fix it.”

“Tell me what’s going on,” I insisted. “Maybe I can help.”

She looked up at me through her eyelashes, a strange, unreadable emotion in her eyes, and she nodded. However, as she opened her mouth to speak, she glanced from side to side nervously. Her anxiousness reminded me of our discussion at the mall, when she had told me about Collin’s sister. I craned my neck around, but I didn’t see anyone who was in a position to eavesdrop. What was Jillian so worried about?

“Follow me,” she instructed and started moving toward the front of the school. Her pace was strong and quick, and I had to almost run in order to keep up with her. However, when she started to cross the street in front of the school, I stopped.

“Wait,” I called after her, and she turned. “Won’t we get in trouble if we leave campus?”

“Not at all,” she said and smiled at me. “Students do it all the time.”

The hair on the back of my neck started to rise a little; there was something strange about all this. Why did Jillian need to leave campus to tell me something? Why did she keep glancing back at the school nervously? What on earth was going on? Something wasn’t right, but I couldn’t think of what it could be. As I stood there, trying to think why this seemed so weird, Jillian walked up to me.

“I could really use someone to talk to, Bella,” she said sadly, and any doubt I had was immediately chased away. “Will you come with me?”

“Why can’t you talk to me here?” I asked and threw another wary glance at the school behind us. The last thing I wanted was for an administrator to call Renee and get me in trouble. I was positive that was all it would take for her to ship me back to Washington. No, I had to remain as neutral as possible.

“The park really calms me down,” she answered, glancing side to side. “It’s easy to lose yourself in there. We won’t get in trouble, Bella, I swear. And if we do, I’ll take all the responsibility.”

I was still doubtful—the idea that a high school would be okay with students leaving campus seemed absurd—but why on earth would Jillian lie to me about it? Feeling at home in the park wasn’t an unthinkable concept; I had felt at home in the meadow… with Edward.  The crushing loneliness pressed against the walls of my lungs, cutting off my oxygen, and I knew it would continue unless I found a distraction of some kind.

“All right,” I said, choking through the pain. “If you think it’s okay, then let’s go.”

She smiled. “Thank you, Bella.”

I had visited many parks in my life, but none like this. In fact, I wasn’t exactly sure it should be called a park. It was more like a forest surrounded by urban development. We had been walking for about ten minutes, and when I turned around, I couldn’t see the street from where we were. The trees were different than the ones in Forks, thinner and wispy, but they still towered above me.  The fear of getting lost in here was very real to me, but I tried to quell the panic rising in me. I was here for Jillian, after all.

Speaking of Jillian, the moment we crossed into the park, she was silent as a ghost.  At first, I had assumed she was waiting for me to say something, or maybe she was trying to remember how to get to… wherever it was we were going. However, after my attempts to get her to speak failed miserably, I started to grow nervous. What if she was bringing me out here to tell me we couldn’t be friends anymore? The idea was ludicrous and irrational, but I couldn’t push it away.

_Will I be able to find my way out if that’s what she has planned… what if I can’t… Renee will definitely send me home after this… I don’t know what—_

My thoughts were cut off when my foot hit a tree root, and I tumbled to the ground. I groaned when I looked at my clothes, noticing they were covered in mud, and I tried to brush off as much excess grime as possible. The moisture from the rain clung to my clothes, and I shivered when it reached my skin. I started to regret my decision to follow Jillian into the park. There was no reason for me to be walking through dense foliage for anyone. I continued to complain silently, until I realized the ugly spots on my pants weren’t going anywhere.

I stood up, expecting to see Jillian waiting for me, and was shocked when I noticed I was alone.

“Jillian?” No response.  “Jillian? Where’d you go?”

I knew I should turn around and attempt to find my way out—that’s what a smart person would have done—but since I was me, I continued to move deeper into the trees. It was still bizarre that Jacksonville considered this a park. Where were the playgrounds? The picnic benches? The trails? I made a mental note to never come near this place ever again.

As I continued to call out for Jillian, I noticed a patch of light up ahead, and I picked up my pace. The storm clouds were starting to dissipate, which provided small, temporary patches of sunlight. A beam of light broke through the trees, forming a small circle of light in the middle of the forest. While I stood there and admired it, a bit of movement caught my eye, and I noticed Jillian was standing on the edge of the sunlight.  There was something familiar about this—the forest, the light, the look on Jillian’s face—but I couldn’t place where I’d seen it before.

“Where have you been?” I demanded. “I’ve been worried sick, Jillian!”

“I’m sorry, Bella.”

“What’s wrong?” I started to cross to her. “Why won’t you tell me why you’re so upset?”

“I’m sorry it had to be you.”

When I started to ask what she meant by that, she took two steps forward into the sunlight. Her skin erupted into a vast twinkling array of light, glittering like crystal… like a vampire.


	7. Chapter Seven

Chapter Seven

As I sank to my knees, I felt my subconscious siphon through all my memories of Edward. I could recall the way his skin had sparkled under the radiant sunlight in the meadow… our meadow. The way his lips had curved as he called me his own, personal brand of heroine, made me shiver right there in the dirt. Lastly, my body tingled as I recalled the first time he had said those three words to me: _I love you_. I didn’t care if they had been a lie perpetuated by a vampire looking for a distraction in life; that statement had made me the happiest I had ever been. Regardless of the pain they caused me, I embraced my memories of Edward willingly knowing I was about to die.

There was no use in running, just as there was no use in hoping for anyone to come for me. There would be no last minute rescue as there had been with James; Edward wouldn’t intercede on my behalf as he had with Jasper. No, I was on my own.  A part of me wanted to panic, scream, and dash through the woods like any normal human being would—but I didn’t. Nothing I could do would stop her from killing me; the least I could do was die with my dignity still intact.

She slowly glided forward and stopped a few feet in front of me. I was still on my knees, and although I wanted to stand with my head held high, I had lost all feeling in my body. As I looked up at the person who I had considered a friend, the very same girl I had laughed and talked with, I managed to choke out one word: “Why?”

Why hadn’t I seen her for what she really was? When I’d first laid eyes on Edward and his siblings, I had felt that there was something off about them; why hadn’t I felt it with her? She never ate during lunch, and the only time I had seen her outside was when it was raining. Why hadn’t I picked up on that before? Why had I allowed myself to be stalked by a vampire? I knew the answer to all my questions without even trying. I had been so devastated by Edward and Alice’s rejection; I had refused to allow myself to think of anything related to the Cullens. In my quest to quell my suffering, I had opened the door for my own destruction. I had set myself up for death.

_How ironic._

Jillian took another step forward, her gaze unwavering. However, as I repeated my question, there was a flicker of emotion in her face, a sliver of recognition. Hoping to somehow appeal to any residual human qualities she had left, I pleaded, “I’ll never tell anyone about you, I promise. Please, let me go, Jillian.”

 “I can’t do that, Bella.” Before I could blink, she reached down and grabbed me around my throat, her vise-like grip closing off my airway in an instant. She lifted me off my knees, and while I coughed and gasped for air, her other hand encircled my body. “As I said before—I’m sorry it had to be you.”

I stared at her in horror while she focused on my exposed throat, and I felt my body start to go numb. She closed her eyes momentarily, sniffing the breeze that blew strands of my hair in her direction, and I tensed in anticipation of the coming pain. My eyes squinted as I tried in vain to shirk away from her, and I thought about the one thing that would bring me one ounce of peace. The ones, whose secret I would now carry to my grave, filled my every sense. Their images burst through all the walls I’d built to contain the memories of them. _Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper, Alice._ I was going to die. It shouldn’t matter if I thought of them… if I thought of _him_.

_Edward… I love you._

I watched as Jillian paused in the act of inhaling my scent, and she whipped her head abruptly to the left, almost as if she had seen something. I was afraid to look away from her, to see what she was seeing. I denounced the hope blossoming in my chest, the one that insisted I fight and survive. Jillian was a vampire, and I knew what that meant; she could easily overpower me should I attempt to run.With no way to escape and no hope for help, I dangled there in her arms and waited for the end.

I was so focused on my impending death, I barely heard Jillian when she spoke. “What the hell do you want?”

I had to look then. My eyes widened, desperate to see what had caught her attention—who was stupid enough to follow us this deep into the park—and my gaze rested on a familiar, dirty flannel shirt and torn jeans. Collin’s gaze was transfixed on us, and his hands were balled into fists at his sides. What on earth was he doing there? I wanted to tell him to run and save himself, but I could hardly breathe through Jillian’s grip.

“Why are you here?” She snarled loudly, the sound making my skin crawl in terror, and her hand loosened on my throat for a moment. I coughed as air filled my lungs, but her fingers steeled on me before I could take an additional breath. “Need I remind you what today is?”

My body had started to go limp, the trees were beginning to spin and fade away, and I knew unconsciousness was imminent. I tried to pull up Edward and Alice’s faces, tried to think of all the good times we’d had together, but it was nearly impossible. The only thoughts swirling in my head were of my parents and all the pain and suffering my death would cause them.  _Mom… Phil… Charlie… I’m so sorry._

“This is no concern of yours, _Walker!_ ” Jillian’s voice climbed an octave higher, and there was an unmistakable level of contempt to her words. However, as hard as I tried to concentrate, my cognitive processes were slowing down drastically. “What do you think you’re doing?”

When the corners of my periphery began to darken, a haze spread through my body, and I felt the complete absence of pain. It was almost over… or so I thought.

I yelped when my body was suddenly cast aside, shoved toward the dirt with brute force. I felt pain shoot through my appendages when I hit the ground. As I rolled onto my back, happy that I could breathe again, the reality of the situation hit me. I quickly scrambled across the ground, struggling to find my footing, however the brief loss of air was affecting my basic motor functions, and I found it difficult to walk.

Although I knew I should have focused on getting out of the park alive, my human curiosity got the better of me, and I chanced a look in Jillian and Collin’s direction. Jillian was backing away from him, and in my frantic terror, confusion swept through me. Why was she retreating? Granted, Collin towered over her by almost a foot, but he was only a human. What reason would a vampire have to fear a human? And Jillian _was_ afraid. Her eyes were wide, and although she tried to glare at him, her gaze roamed around the forest. Was she looking for an escape route?

As if in answer to my question, Jillian suddenly lurched toward Collin and unleashed a virulent wail. I expected her to tear him to pieces but was shocked when Collin reached out with his right hand and stopped her in her tracks. His fingers gripped her throat, just as she had done with me, and he lifted her off her feet. She began to screech at an inhuman decibel level, forcing me to cover my ears, and she clawed at his forearm. His skin opened up under her assault, and my stomach heaved when blood began to drip off his elbow.

There were a million questions rushing through me—how Collin could withstand a vampire attack, for one—but I ignored all of them. Instead, I pushed myself upright and tried to make a run for it. Maybe, just possibly, Collin’s distraction would allow me to live. I made up my mind to go home, grab Renee and Phil, and go… somewhere. I wasn’t entirely sure where we would go, but I knew I had to get out of Jacksonville. Unfortunately, as I tried to move in my unhinged state, I made it two feet before managing to snag my shoe on an above ground root. I cried out when I stumbled and fell face-first into a tree, and I froze when the scent of salty iron overwhelmed me.

The sounds of Jillian’s struggle ceased almost immediately, and an eerie silence descended on the forest. Shaking with fear, I turned my attention back to her and Collin, and I was shocked to see they were both staring at me. While her desperate, anxious breathing scared the hell out of me, it was Collin’s expression that was the most unsettling. He looked genuinely surprised about… something—his mouth slightly parted, his eyebrows arched high on his forehead, and his eyes focused on me.

 _What are you doing? Run!_                                                                                                                            

Before I could comprehend listening to my subconscious, Jillian released another ear piercing screech, and with one quick motion, she kicked Collin in the stomach. He growled in pain, and his hand released her almost immediately. Before he could recover, Jillian curled up her fist and punched him across his face, sending him spiraling through the air. He came to rest at the base of a tree, blood starting to drip from his busted bottom lip.

When he didn’t move, I felt the rest of the color drain from my face, especially when Jillian shifted back in my direction.

“Did you think I wouldn’t find out?” She started moving toward me, slow and deliberate. “Did you think you could hide it from me? From us?”

“Hide… what?” I choked the words out, and I stumbled away from her. “What do you mean?”

“Stop with your lies!” She hissed and gripped my forearm with her fingers. A searing, white hot pain shot through my arm, and I cried out in response. Jillian, however, seemed unperturbed by my distress, and she brought her nose to my skin and inhaled deeply. As she let out a disturbing moan, I squealed in absolute horror and disgust. “So fresh, so delicious… no, I can’t do it. They’ll kill me if I take her now… too risky… but I want it, so very much…“

I started to shiver as she continued talking into the skin on my wrist, and I closed my eyes when her lips parted. My flesh erupted into goose bumps as her frigid breath washed against it, and I gasped. This was it; the end to my meaningless existence. Despite being on the edge of oblivion, I couldn’t find it in me to regret any of the decisions I’d made. Even if Edward didn’t want me anymore, for a few precious months, I’d had everything. If that was the last happiness I would ever know, I’d gratefully take it.

While I stared into the backs of my eyelids, I could almost see him—his golden eyes, his glorious smile, and his never-ending beauty. I welcomed my thoughts of laying in the meadow with him, feeling his frigid touch against my flushed skin, and I caught myself smiling when I recalled the feel of his lips against my own. Any thoughts of my botched birthday, or seeing him with Jessica, flew out the window, and I was left with only my most precious of memories. _Edward… my Edward..._

A high-pitched keen broke through my internal revelry, and at the same time, Jillian’s grip seemed to slacken. My eyes popped open, and when I glanced down, I was horrified to find her hand had been severed at the elbow. It fell to the ground, and I quickly stumbled backward in an attempt to get away from it.

While trying to separate myself from Jillian’s bodiless appendage, I was shocked, and somewhat relieved, to find her on her knees, Collin’s hands firmly around her neck. A bit of light blossomed in me as I wondered if maybe, just maybe, he would be strong enough to kill her.

“Collin! Stop!” A streak of color shot through the trees, and Collin’s sister—the blonde who had knocked me over on my first visit to Jackson—materialized at his side. She placed both hands on his left shoulder and gaped at the vampire on the ground. “What are you doing?”

Collin’s gaze cut sharply to hers. “Following orders.”

“It’s _Fuil_ _Aimsir_ ,” she reasoned in a cautionary voice, and she grabbed his wrist as he turned his attention back to Jillian. “We cannot interfere—you know this!”

Collin pushed her away, and the two began to bicker back and forth, speaking a language I couldn’t identify. Her face was impassive as he gestured to me, but when he motioned toward the vampire still in his grasp, there was a change. Her eyebrows arched, and her mouth parted. There was also a strange look in her eyes. What was that? Hope?

“You deal with it,” Collin growled, shoving Jillian into his sister’s arms, and he took a few steps backward. When his eyes fell on me, my stomach heaved. “I have to take Bella—”

Self-preservation surged through my body when I heard my name, chasing away the paralyzing fear, and without stopping to consider what I was doing, I turned and ran. I knew I wouldn’t get very far. Collin had somehow been able to subdue a vampire; catching me would be a walk in the park. Sure enough, I felt a familiar pair of arms grab my midsection and pull me back after only a handful of steps. I opened my mouth to scream, but I could only manage a feeble yelp.

“Let me go.” I was spun around and came face to face with him. Was he a vampire? Did he have a special power that allowed him to travel in the sunlight? Was he going to kill me? The questions were endless and only served to make me more fearful. “Please?”

His eyes widened, and his frown depended. “Bella, we’re not going to hurt you.”

“Then why won’t you let me go?” I looked up at him, a tiny sliver of hope creeping in as I analyzed his expression. Was he telling the truth? I couldn’t tell. “I promise I won’t tell anyone about what happened here. You’ll never see me again.”

I meant every word. Even though keeping my word would entail returning to Forks—enduring Jessica and Edward on a daily basis—it was a necessary evil. I pushed away all the scenarios that came from such an idea, and instead, I focused on Collin. Would he let me leave?

He shook his head. “I’m sorry. I can’t do that… not yet.”

Any dream or fantasy I had of walking out of this was diminished, and I dropped my head.

“You should leave,” I heard Collin’s sister say. “The smoke trail will be seen for miles, and besides”—I lifted my gaze and found her staring at me—“I don’t think the human should see this.”

 _The Human._ It all but confirmed what I had secretly feared; Collin and his sister were not human. My body started to tremble again as the two of them argued back and forth.

“Fine.” Collin urged me forward as he growled at his sister, and we started moving through the park. We had only been walking for a few minutes when a loud, ear-piercing scream filled the air. Collin growled angrily and yelled, “Damnit, Una! Keep it down!”

I glanced back at him when his hand encircled my bicep, and I shuddered at the intense look in his eyes. Although he’d told me that he wasn’t going to hurt me, I was still scared. “Where are you taking me?”

Our eyes met, and there was a brief flash of remorse in his eyes. “I know you have a lot of questions, Bella, but for now, I need you to stay quiet—we’re not in a safe place yet.”

I didn’t want to listen to him. I wanted to scream and call out for help, but it dawned on me how fruitless such an effort would be. On top of that, I had a lingering fear that should I decide to run, Collin could easily change his mind and kill me. It was those two possible scenarios that, against my better judgment, forced me to keep my mouth shut.  So we moved in silence, with the exception of Collin’s sporadic cursing, and after about ten minutes, I saw a break in the trees.

I felt relieved when we stepped through the tree line, and I fought the urge to kiss the concrete below my feet. However, any comfort I felt was quickly replaced with fearful dread. I craned my neck from side-to-side and realized we were nowhere near the school. Where on earth were we? Where was Jackson High? Where had Collin navigated me?

I hadn’t realized I had stopped moving until his hand found the small of my back. “We have to keep moving.”

“Where are we?” I demanded as we shuffled across a busy street and into a parking lot. “Collin?”

“Come on.” He completely disregarded my question, and instead, dragged me in between cars. I winced as I bumped into side view mirrors and car doors, but Collin’s pace didn’t falter. Finally, after a solid minute of weaving through empty vehicles, he stopped in front of the most unsavory looking car. “Get in.”

I paused for a moment, and my nose wrinkled in response to such an ugly looking car. I’d never been vain when it came to automobiles, especially since I had driven a monstrous, red truck in Forks, but I couldn’t help being repulsed by the one in front of me. The paint had rusted and peeled, and a firm level of dust was pressed into the cracks between the paint chips, giving it a putrid, red-brown tinge. On top of that, the hood had been removed for… whatever reason, and the parts beneath were in plain sight. I took a step back as Collin opened the passenger door from inside.

“Bella?” His voice broke through to me, and I looked at him through the window. He was eyeing me warily, probably expecting me to bolt at any moment. “Come on—it’s okay.”

I took a step away from the door and looked over my shoulder. There were quite a few people walking around the parking lot, along the sidewalks, as well as in and out of the shops nearby. If I started screaming, someone was bound to notice. The question was would they be able to get to me before Collin pulled me in the car?

I didn’t get a chance to find out. While trying to decide whether or not to start shouting for help, a strong hand touched my shoulder. I whipped my head around, and I came face-to-face with Collin’s sister. Her deep, chocolate eyes met mine, and she motioned to the car in front of us.

“Get in.” Her voice left no room for argument, and although my head told me to fight, my body complied. She took the front seat, while I climbed into the back, and gave Collin no acknowledgment. She simply pulled a black hat over her hair and growled, “Go.”

They pulled out of the parking lot and wasted no time in hopping on the highway.  Once they reached a certain speed, the car stopped sputtering and the tires didn’t feel like they were going to fall off any more.  The two in the front seat seemed to lose a lot of the tension in their shoulders, and they actually started to converse while I tried to keep myself together.

“Give me your arm,” Una requested, but Collin shook his head. “You can’t afford to lose any more blood.”

“I’m fine,” he growled. “I’ll take care of it later.”

“Right—like you did last time?” She sneered and scooted over in the seat, almost climbing into his lap, and Collin hesitantly relinquished his damaged appendage. With a delicate motion, she took his right arm—the one Jillian had mangled—and what followed was definitely the most bizarre thing I’d ever seen.

After using a paper tower to clear away the majority of the blood, Una bit the tip of her finger, and when a dark red streak appeared on her skin, she started tracing the claw marks on his forearm. Collin winced a few times, but he remained silent.  Ten minutes later, Una pulled away, grabbed another paper towel, and cleaned the area again. When she moved back into the passenger seat, Collin lifted his arm enough for me to see. The bloody claw marks were gone, and in their place were several black, spindly lines. What had she done to him? True, he was no longer wounded or losing blood, but what were those marks? I wanted to ask, but I was too shocked by everything that had happened.

Una leaned back, and she laughed humorlessly. “Shiloh’s not going to like this.”

We drove for a long time, and as I looked at my watch, I felt my stomach heave. In less than five hours, Renee was going to be sitting in the Jackson High parking lot, waiting to pick me up. I wondered how long she would idle there before realizing something was wrong. What would she do? Who would she call? I let my head fall to my hands, and I silently wished I hadn’t stormed away from her earlier. My guilt was impacted ten times over when I realized I probably wouldn’t be there for my shift at Pages either. Strangely enough, the loss of my work hours felt more detrimental than the idea of my mother sitting at Jackson alone. Strange.

The car took a sudden left, and seeing how I didn’t have my seatbelt on, I crashed into the opposite door. I moaned and rubbed my bicep, my muscle throbbing in response. I sniffled as I thought about my mother, waiting in the parking lot for someone who would never show. Why on earth had I followed Jillian into the park? I had felt there was something off about the whole thing, so why hadn’t I just turned and left? I snorted as the answer came to me easily.

_I’ve been so desperate for anything to distract me from Edward… I walked right into a trap._

The bitter resentment appeared in the vast corners of my mind again. The blame, which normally revolved around my humanity and imperfect features, redirected to the family of vampires. I couldn’t stop the barrage of accusatory, angry thoughts that followed, and I struggled against them. After all, it wasn’t their fault that I was still hanging onto every memory and thought of them; it wasn’t their fault that Jillian had exploited my weakness.

_… But they are at fault for lying to you… they convinced you they loved you… where are they now? If they truly cared, they wouldn’t have let Edward and Alice be so cruel to you… they wouldn’t have abandoned you…_

I covered my ears with both hands in a vain attempt to stop the incessant ramblings, but it just kept coming. There was no way I would ever blame the Cullens for the torment I’d been suffering, and they certainly weren’t responsible for Jillian’s actions. Still, a dark part of my mind couldn’t help but accuse them of lying to me. After all, how on earth could they condone Alice and Edward’s actions if they truly cared?

The sound of a door closing shook me from my depression, and as I looked up, Collin opened the door for me. I climbed out of the vehicle and glanced around at my new surroundings. There were tons of trees, and with the exception of the thick humidity, I could have sworn I was back in Forks. We were standing in front of an old, run-down building, with moss hanging from the roof, and broken windows. The scent of dust and mildew was everywhere.

As the two of them led me around the old house, I felt my stomach tighten up. At the back of the property was a narrow stairwell, leading ten feet into the earth. My body quaked with terror as I allowed them to guide me down the stairs, and I realized what this place was. In the forties and fifties, Americans had been so terrified of nuclear war; they had taken to building fallout shelters in their backyard. I briefly appreciated the historical relic in front of me, but my revelry was short lived.

As we stopped in front of the door, Collin’s sister spun around and glared at me. “Listen close, _Human_.” It didn’t escape me how she basically spat out the word “human,” but I tried not to dwell on it. “When we are inside, you will not speak unless spoken to. You will not ask questions, and you will do as you’re told. Is that understood?” I had no idea what was going on, so I simply nodded. “Good.”

A few light bulbs flickered on as we moved into a dank, dirty room. Water was dripping somewhere, and when I detected the distinct odor of mildew, my nose screwed up in displeasure. The walls reminded me of the car Collin had been driving. The paint had chipped away so much, it was almost impossible to tell what they had once looked like. The room itself reminded me of those serial killer movies—the ones where a helpless victim was drug out to the middle of nowhere and murdered. The notion didn’t help my current mood, so I pushed it out of mind.

Collin opened another metal door, and I was led into a larger room. Thankfully, this was much cleaner than the previous, but not by much. There were five broken, worn out looking couches lining the walls and a small radio in the far corner of the room. The space was lit up with the same hanging light bulbs, and I had to squint to see anything clearly. The smell of mold hit my lungs, and I coughed heavily. I was about to tell Collin that I couldn’t be down here for very long when a voice echoed from further back.

“What on earth is that smell?” The voice exclaimed, and as a small door swung open, I was forced to take a step back. The boy who appeared was easily the largest one in the room at that moment, and I felt myself shrink a few more inches. I recognized him as one of the boys who had been sitting with Collin at the mall.  As he stepped into the room, the boy stopped in his tracks when he saw me, and he looked at Collin and his sister expectantly. “Una? Collin? What’s this?”

Una, as he had called her, scoffed. “Don’t ask me.”

The boy moved further into the light, and I was able to fully see him. Compared to Collin, who hadn’t changed his clothes in almost a month, the tall boy’s clothes seemed relatively clean. He had a dark green, hooded sweater and dark jeans, which were tucked into the same knee high boots as the rest of them. His jeans had a few mud stains on them, and I could see spots on his sweater, but he was relatively tidy.  So far, Una was the cleanest out of them all. Her black sweater and jeans had no visible tears or stains.

As he turned to me, his eyes widened a bit. “My _Dagda,_ Collin! What on earth did you do to this child? She looks absolutely terrified!”

All three of their eyes found me, and I felt my cheeks warm in response.

“One of the leeches attacked her,” Collin responded as he crossed the room to me. Carefully, he led me to one of the couches, which smelled like rotting garbage, and took a seat. “Sit down, Bella.”

I didn’t want to sit down, nor did I even wish to be there, but I complied regardless. The couch was damp, and it made a strange crunching noise when I sat. As if it couldn’t get any worse, a putrid, overwhelming stink emanated from the moldy cushions, which made my stomach heave uncontrollably. I choked back the vomit threatening to appear, and the knot in my stomach tightened even more. I wanted to leave, to suck in mouthfuls of fresh air, but it was becoming an impossibility with each passing second.

“Are you all right?” Collin’s voice was far away, but it was still clear enough to anger me. I turned to him, wanting to scream and shout that I wasn’t okay, but I couldn’t muster the strength. So I closed my eyes and shook my head. “Right… I’m sorry.”

I turned away from him, and instead, I focused on my wrist. A dark bruise had formed where Jillian had grabbed me, and I flexed my fingers to check if anything felt broken.

Una and Tall Boy had been arguing quietly across the room, gesturing wildly in our direction. However, their voices abruptly cut off, and I sensed a significant change in the atmosphere. I pulled my knees to my chest, wanting nothing more than to disappear, as all three of them converged in the middle of the room, and my body stiffened at the sound of an engine outside. I could hear footsteps descending the steps, and I tried to regulate my breathing, so that I wouldn’t hyperventilate. The door swung open, and I gasped when I saw her.

I recognized the tall, androgynous girl immediately, and my body sank back into the couch the moment her eyes zeroed in on me. Just like at the mall, I felt like an intruder and wanted nothing more than to run. She crossed the room, making no effort to acknowledge the three standing in front of her, and she stared down at me with passive curiosity.

“What is your name?” She asked, and my mouth fell open in shock at the sound of her voice. Going by her outward appearance, I had assumed her voice would be tough, rugged, and fierce, but that was far from the truth. It was soft, gentle, with a hint of authority. It made no sense coming from the mouth of someone… like her. 

When she reiterated her question, Collin stepped forward and tried to give her my name. In the blink of an eye, she spun around and came face to face with him, her back muscles tensing under her black shirt. She calmly but firmly stated, “You do not speak for her.”

Collin nodded, a cowed expression on his face, and he backed up. “My apologies.”

The girl turned her attention back to me, an expectant look on her face. Remembering what Una had said to me, I managed to choke out my name. “I’m Be-Bella Swan.”

The girl nodded and her eyes narrowed slightly. “And why, Bella Swan, are you here?”

“Shiloh, please,” Collin said softly, and he rested his hand on her shoulder. “You’re scaring her.”

A flash of confusion flickered in her eyes, almost as if she hadn’t realized she was intimidating me, and she was across the room in less than a millisecond. Judging by what I’d just seen, she was faster than any vampire I’d seen, faster than the Cullens… than Edward. Although Collin and Una had moved abnormally quick in the park, this was something else. Shiloh, as she was so called, was something else.

“Una, Tobin,” Shiloh said, her voice firm and authoritative. “Be at leisure.”

The two nodded their heads simultaneously, and without so much as a backward glance, they disappeared. Shiloh took a deep breath and sat on one of the couches. Her gaze danced between me and Collin, and after a few awkward moments, she nodded to him.

Collin breathed heavily and hung his head. “I killed a parasite today, but it wasn’t without cause.”

She said nothing, but her eyebrow lifted in a curious expression.

Collin growled, even though she had not spoken to him, and he pointed in my direction. “I was put in an unthinkable situation, Shiloh. Do I follow a mandate issued by my _ceannaire_ , or do I honor an agreement with my enemy?” Shiloh was stoic. “Based on the oath I took, I chose what I judged to be right.”

She nodded and appeared thoughtful, but again, she said nothing.

“There’s something else,” he interjected, and her eyes narrowed. “She’s a receptor.”

My brow furrowed at this. I had no idea what a receptor was, and frankly, I had no interest in knowing. However, as I examined Shiloh’s reaction, I realized that whatever it was, it couldn’t be good.

“Collin,” Shiloh replied softly, the disapproval evident in her voice and expression. “Not this again.”

“I’m sure this time,” he insisted, and with one hand placed on the small of my back, he shuffled me forward. “Test her—you’ll see.”

_Test me? What on earth is he talking about?_

“Do you think I am blind?” Shiloh rose from the couch and extended to her full height, which was almost a foot taller than me. Her gaze was sharp and steely, and I felt myself shrinking back into Collin unconsciously. “Do you think the obvious has escaped me or the others?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he growled in response. When I looked up at him, his head and shoulders were hunched, and he wasn’t looking at her.

“Do not insult my vision,” Shiloh said with a hint of amusement, and she glanced at me. “The resemblance is indeed remarkable.”

“That’s not what this is about.” Collin ran a hand through his hair, and he frowned, frustrated. “Please, Shiloh, do this—for me.”

She stared at him, an unreadable emotion in her eyes, and sighed.  “If this is what you want, then I will comply. I just hope you are prepared for the consequences.” Shiloh turned her attention to me, and in a soft voice, she said, “Give me your hand.”

I stared at her fearfully, wondering why on earth she would want my hand. On top of that, what did Collin want me tested for? What did this test entail? My heart was starting to beat abnormally fast, and I couldn’t slow it down. The voice in the back of my head reminded me that Collin had promised I would live, but I couldn’t believe it. I had absolutely no reason to trust him… or his friends. I tried to take a step back and slip past Collin, but Shiloh grabbed my hand and stopped me.

“This might hurt.” Her warning was short, and I barely had time to comprehend it. Shiloh touched my palm with her index finger, her nail immediately piercing my skin, and I gasped. The pain was miniscule, but I still became nauseous when I spied the deep red liquid pool in my palm.

Shiloh, in the meantime, dipped a finger into the tiny pool of blood, closed her eyes, and brought it to her nose. I lowered my head and pressed the bleeding wound to my leg, wanting to stop the flow of red, but I only succeeded in staining my pants. I was about to ask for a bandage when I heard a deep growl. I looked up, and Shiloh was staring at me with a mixture of shock and anger.

“Well?” Collin was impatient and anxious. “Was I right? Is she one of us?”

She was silent, staring at me with the same grimace, until Collin touched her shoulder. “Take her back to where you found her.”

“What?” Collin frowned. “Was I wrong?”

She turned quickly, coming face to face with him. “Why is this important?”

He looked back at me and lowered his eyes. “I just need to know, all right?”

“Nothing good will come of it,” she cautioned, but when he pressed her again, she relented. She glanced at me momentarily, and I saw resolve take root in her eyes. “You are correct—Bella is a receptor.”

The satisfaction on Collin’s face was immeasurable, and his shoulders relaxed as Shiloh confirmed that I was a receptor… whatever that was. He glowed with pride and moved to stand behind me. His hands rested on my shoulders, and I tensed in response to the close contact. “Well, that decides it, then.”

“Wrong.” Shiloh turned, her face devoid of emotion. “This decides nothing.”

I looked up and saw all the confidence drain from Collin’s features, melting into shock and disappointment, and I could feel his body shudder against mine. “How can you say that?”

“Do you presume to think I would take her life from her?” Shiloh gave him a blank stare as she walked away from him. When he tried to contest again, she shook her head. “Collin, this is not up for discussion. You know as well as I that loyalty does not come with force.”

He frowned. “Then what do you propose we do with her? If the leeches discover her, which they will, that’ll be the end. They won’t rest until they bleed her dry and use it on the market. On top of that, they’ll find out about the leech I killed, and they’ll hunt us down. There’s no other humane option, Shiloh.”

My stomach lurched as I listened to the interlude between Collin and Shiloh. I wasn’t entirely sure what they were talking about, but one thing was clear: Collin had put his friends in danger by rescuing me. Shiloh’s eyes cut to me, and I could see something burning in her eyes. Was it hatred? Probably. Then again, I hadn’t asked for him to save me; he did that on his own.

She turned away, and with a heavy sigh, responded, “I will not train her.”

He growled, but she held up her hand to silence him.

“Listen to my words, Collin,” she explained, a small smile playing on her lips. “ _I_ will not train her, nor will _I_ teach her of our history. _I_ will do none of these things—do we understand one another?”

He smiled. “Perfectly.”

“Good.” Shiloh inclined her head in my direction. “Now be on your way.”

“All right.” He nodded, and I felt his hand grip my bicep. “I won’t be back tonight.

“Understood.”

-

-

-

I fidgeted with my seatbelt as Collin drove, and I tried to focus on anything but him. Thankfully, the wound on my hand was still fresh, so I could put all my energy into trying to stop the residual bleeding. I held it against my jeans, frowning at the patches of dried blood that were already staining the fabric and wondering what I would tell my mother.  I was concentrating so hard, I didn’t see Collin reach over.

“Let me see your hand,” he asked softly, and I gasped when he pried my palm away from my knee. “I can help you.”

I glanced down at his forearm and gawked at the black lines twisting around his wrist. Were they permanent? Was he planning to do that to me? I quickly snatched my hand back. “No.”

“Look Bella,” he sighed and gripped the steering wheel. “I can understand that you’re probably confused.”

That was the last straw. How could he understand what I was feeling when he didn’t even know me? Losing the last bits of my composure, I kicked the glove compartment, and the rusted door caved under my foot with a sickening crunch. I didn’t stop there. I balled up my hands, wincing when I put pressure on the wound, and hit the dashboard with both fists. I unleashed all the anger and rage I had accumulated over the Cullens’ rejection, Renee’s invasiveness, and Collin’s mysteriousness. Why couldn’t I just move on? Why did I have to be drug back into the supernatural world?

 When I pulled back and glared at Collin, he looked absolutely terrified.

“Bella, what the he—“

“Just stop!” I hadn’t meant to screech the way I did, but it didn’t stop me from continuing. “You don’t know a thing about me, Collin, so just stop it. You have absolutely no idea how I feel! You’re rude to me, I know you’ve been following me and watching me at school, you attacked Jillian, and you kidnapped me!”

“I attacked Jillian?” He slammed on the breaks, and I had to brace myself to keep from flying forward. Apparently, the seatbelt was for show and provided no resistance whatsoever. “I stopped her from killing you, Bella. I saved your life!”

The bile rose in my throat as I felt obligation take root in my heart. I hated being in someone’s debt, and knowing that he had saved my life meant I owed him.  “I didn’t need your help!”

He snorted, and the car started moving again. “Right.”

I leaned back into the seat and pouted, hating that I owed him, but also, happy that I was going back home. After everything I’d been through in the past couple hours, I was ready to tell Renee that I wanted to move back to Forks. I was choosing one hell over another, but I couldn’t help myself. I would rather choose the hell I knew—I was familiar with Forks, and I could avoid the Cullens—than the one I didn’t.

“I’m sorry.” His apology surprised me, and I turned to find him glowering straight ahead. “You’re right about me, Bella.”

“What exactly am I right about?” I answered bleakly, shaking my head and laughing sardonically. “Will you shed some light on the situation for me? Does it have something to do with that journal you cornered me over?”

He blanched and shook his head. “Have you ever had a secret, Bella—a secret that you couldn’t tell anyone?”

I froze, my thoughts going back to Edward and his family. “Yes.”

“Imagine if that secret was jeopardized,” he said, and my frown deepened in confusion. “Just think if the secret that you held close to your heart, the one that defined your very existence, was threatened. It sounds absurd, I know, but when you returned my journal, you opened up that possibility. I was told that I had to find out if you had read it, that I had to use any means necessary to get the truth out of you. I’m sorry if I scared you that day. I didn’t really want to, and I didn’t think you’d read it, but my hand was forced.”

I shook my head. “That doesn’t make any kind of sense, Collin. What secret do you have that I could possibly endanger?”

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, his eyes darting from side-to-side. “There’s so much I need to tell you, but I don’t know where to start. I’ve never done this before.”

“Never done what? You’re so confusing!” I was getting frustrated with all the nonsense coming from his mouth. “Why won’t you just let me go?”

He turned and looked at me briefly, a strange emotion flickering in his eyes, and before I could ask him to watch where he was driving, he pulled to the side of the road. Anxiety rolled through my body as I feared he had decided to kill me after all, and my hand slowly slipped into the door handle. I wasn’t sure how far I would get before he caught me, but I would try nonetheless. He surprised me, though, by turning and staring into my eyes intently.

“Shiloh’s right. I can’t force this on you, Bella. You have to be open to everything I have to tell you. There can be no hesitation, no going back once we start. So I’ll make you a deal, all right? If you’d like to know more about what happened today, open your bedroom window at midnight tonight.”

“My… window?” Realization struck me like lightning, and I wrapped my arms around my torso, feeling exposed. “You know where I live?!”

“If you have no interest in learning more about the world you live in,” Collin continued, ignoring my outcry, “keep your window shut, and you’ll never see or hear from me again.”

I groaned, and my head dropped down to my waiting hands. Even though I knew it was wise to keep my distance from Collin, beneficial that I try to immerse myself in the human world once again, I could feel the excitement building in my stomach. Regardless of my attempts to keep my memories of Edward locked away, the idea of having another link to his world was too tempting to resist. I was a creature of habit, after all, which meant despite everything I’d been trying to do this past month, I would open my window for Collin.

He dropped me off in front of the school, reiterating our agreement, but he was gone before I could say anything. I stared after him, trying to come to terms with everything that had happened that day, and I jumped when the bell rang over my head. One look at the watch on my wrist told me that I had missed lunch, and that I was about to be late to class.  I made a mad dash across the campus and skidded into the gym with barely enough time to change and find a place on the bleachers.

Concentrating on my classes was impossible, and although I tried to fake it as best as I could, some of my teachers noticed. I had come close to assaulting five people with a basketball in gym class, and the coach had finally sent me to run laps by myself. Although I was thoroughly embarrassed by the incident, I was secretly pleased with the quiet time and used it to ponder what Collin would tell me. Would he tell me that he was a vampire, but a good one? Was it possible that he would know the Cullens? Moreover, how would he take the news that I knew about vampires?

I stopped jogging, and I frowned at the floor beneath my feet. Somehow, the idea of sharing the truth about the Cullens felt wrong, taboo even. It was then that I realized, regardless of what may have happened to me in the past, it wasn’t my secret to share. It was ultimately up to Edward and his family to spread the truth of their species, not me. Although the thought depressed me, angered me even, I would respect their wishes.

If Collin asked me anything about vampires, I would do the one thing that felt right; I would lie.

The rest of the day passed at a snail’s pace, and after what felt like ten days, I found myself waiting for my mother in the parking lot. After all the excitement, I’d completely forgotten about what she’d said to me before school, and my stomach automatically tightened when I spied her car approach me. Would she go off on another tangent again? Or would she try to be nice?

It was neither.

I slid into the passenger seat and muttered a halfhearted “hello” to my mother, but I received nothing in return. When I glanced in her direction, her eyes were focused intently on the road ahead, and her lips were pressed into a tight line. I’d seen this look on Renee’s face many times in the past; this was my mother’s equivalent to pouting. Knowing from experience that pushing her wouldn’t help, I sighed heavily and stared out the window.

Earlier in class, I had decided that I would call in sick to work, and as soon as I got home, I called Nora. She was very accommodating, as I assumed she would be, and promptly wished me a speedy recovery. There was something slightly off about the conversation, though.

“All right, well I’ll see you tomorrow,” I said, trying to close the conversation.

“Oh, Bella?” Nora stopped me from hanging up, and I hummed in response. “Good luck.”

“Huh?” She had already hung up by the time I formulated some semblance of a response.  I returned the phone to the receiver and paused for a moment, confused. For a split second, I had a flash of paranoia appear in my thoughts. What if everything in Jacksonville was connected in one way or another? Was it even possible? As I stared down at the telephone, wondering what Nora meant, I shook my head and muttered, “That was weird.”

I sat around the house for the rest of the afternoon, trying not to watch the clock tick steadily toward midnight, and soon found myself doing the strangest things in pursuit of distraction. I helped Renee pick the weeds out of her garden, which seemed to break her out of her funk, held the light while Phil changed the oil in the cars, and I even raked up the leaves in the front yard. Regardless, I still caught myself glancing drown at my watch every five minutes.

Dinner was an awkward affair. Renee and Phil were watching me like hawks, and even though I was far from hungry, I stuffed my face. My mother looked appeased, which in turn made me breathe a sigh of relief. When I absolutely couldn’t eat anymore, I excused myself and returned to my bedroom. For the next few hours, I alternated between my trig homework and my reading assignments. Of course, as soon as the numbers and words started blurring together, I resorted to surfing the internet.

The clock finally struck midnight, and I moved to my window. I pushed it open, and when I peered out into the darkness, Collin was staring at me from across the street.

I jumped a bit. “Would you knock that off?”

He closed the distance between us at an abnormal speed and climbed in the window. “Knock what off?”

“That creepy… lurking… thing,” I said, grimacing at my poor choice of words, and I gawked as he entered my room. He was almost covered in mud from head-to-toe, and he was dripping a black liquid on my carpet. I shook my head and pointed to the bathroom. “Go take a shower, please.”

I wasn’t in the habit of offering my bathroom to strangers, but I figured stains on my carpet wouldn’t help me in dealing with Renee. On top of that, I knew our conversation wouldn’t be over quickly, and I didn’t want him leaking strange substances on all my belongings.

Collin seemed generally amused by my command. “I beg your pardon?”

“You’re filthy,” I commented and motioned to the carpet, “and you’re probably staining my carpet too.”

He looked down and gasped. “Oh God, I’m sorry—would you like me to come back later?”

“No.” I had already chosen to listen to him; I couldn’t back out now. “Just go take a shower.”

He shrugged and moved toward my bathroom door. “All right.”

“Wait.” As I looked at his clothes, I realized there was only so much a shower would do for him. I wasn’t sure why I cared so much about his appearance but figured I would worry about it later. “Do-do you want me to wa-wash your clothes?”

He gave me an incredulous look, accompanied by one of the most glorious smiles I’d ever seen. He lips stretched out over a perfect set of teeth, and his eyes sparkled as he chuckled at me. My stomach burned in a familiar way, and I felt my lips twitch, aching to reciprocate his smile. The way he looked at me made me feel different, warm. It wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it was certainly confusing.

“Are you normally this accommodating to people who kidnap you?”

I rolled my eyes, pushing away the feelings I had inside, and I crossed my arms. “Just answer the question.”

He nodded and smiled. “That’s very kind of you, and I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you.”

Without saying anything more, he disappeared into the bathroom while I waited outside. Once I heard the water turn on and the shower curtain pull shut, I eased the door open and snatched his clothes from the floor. My nose wrinkled up as I smelled the same pungent, sickly sweet aroma permeating from the fabric, and I rushed to the washing machine as fast as I could. I tossed them in with more detergent than usual and set the machine for a deep clean cycle. Before heading back, I grabbed a pair of sweat pants and a white t-shirt from Phil’s closet. The idea was to slip the clothes into the bathroom before he had finished. However, I underestimated how quickly Collin Maevin bathed.

I opened my bedroom door without knocking, mainly because I hadn’t expected him to be done. However, as my eyes trailed up from the clothes in my hand, I froze. Collin was standing in the middle of my bedroom, and with the exception of the towel wrapped tightly around his waist, he was naked.  My mouth opened and closed several times as I struggled to regain my composure, and I couldn’t stop my eyes from staring.

His stomach was chiseled and well defined, like the swimmers I’d seen on the television during the Olympics. While his physique could have easily been compared with a vampire’s, there was a soft hue to his body that was relatively human.  I swallowed as my eyes traced the lines of his stomach, which disappeared beneath the towel, and I blushed when I realized he had noticed my attention.

Collin fidgeted uncomfortably, and I quickly offered him the sweat pants and t-shirt, thoroughly embarrassed by my actions. While he retreated to the bathroom to change into the clothes, I took a seat on the bed and chastised myself for ogling him.

“I’m sorry for staring,” I blurted out when he exited the bathroom, which earned me a flabbergasted expression from him. “It’s the first time I’ve had a… half naked… person in my room.”

“It’s all right, Bella,” he answered and suppressed a chuckle. “I assumed you were staring at my scar.”

I frowned. “What scar?”

“Surely you’re joking,” he answered, and he looked astonished when I shook my head. Before I could adequately prepare myself, he pulled up the white shirt and revealed a long, black scar, which wrapped around his stomach.

“Where did that come from?” My brow indented heavily as I examined the affliction on Collin’s torso. It looks like someone had taken a black permanent marker and drawn on his skin. “What happened to you, Collin?”

He sighed, crossed the room to me, and placed both his hands on my shoulders. His touch warmed me to my core, and I tried to disassociate myself from the confusing emotions inside of me. We stared into one another’s eyes, his brown eyes burning with an intensity that I hadn’t seen since… since…

“Tell me, Bella—what do you know about vampires?”


	8. Chapter Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All recognizable aspects of this story are the property of their respective owners. All original aspects are the sole property of the author and are therefore copyrighted. This story is for entertainment purposes only. No copyright infringement intended.

Chapter Eight

_“Tell me, Bella—what do you know about vampires?”_

As I started to give Collin the lie I’d rehearsed for the last few hours, I stopped myself. A growing part of me desperately wanted to share my knowledge of vampires and the elusive, golden-eyed family. After all, since they were on the other side of the country, would it really be violating their trust? It just seemed so unfair that I was expected to stay silent when Edward’s world was determined to drag me back into its dark, mysterious depths. Why couldn’t I relinquish the burden onto someone else, especially when that someone already had knowledge of what lurked in the darkness? Why couldn’t I be distracted too?

“Bella?” Collin narrowed his eyes, and the nervous quake in his voice brought me back momentarily. “Are you all right? You look like you’re going to throw up.”

“I’m fine,” I mumbled and took a seat on the edge of my bed. My head felt dizzy, and my stomach shuddered like it was on the verge of purging itself. However, the more I thought about opening up to Collin, the better I felt. Maybe sharing my secrets with him would benefit me, help me heal. The burden of Edward’s identity was a heavy one, and I would have been lying if I said I enjoyed keeping it. “Collin, I… know…about vampires.”

I had expected him to be shocked that I had any knowledge whatsoever, but that wasn’t the case. His expression softened, almost in a compassionate manner, and he took a seat in my desk chair, silently urging me to continue.

The metaphorical spotlight landed on my head, my cheeks warmed up, and I instinctively started chewing on my bottom lip. _Please let this be a good idea._ While I stared into his expectant expression, my confidence started to waver.  So I lowered my eyes, and before I could change my mind, I started talking.

“I want you to promise me that anything I tell you stays between us.” I looked up at him pleadingly. “I also don’t want to talk about how or why I know these things, okay? Will you swear not to push?”

“You have my word.” He nodded seriously, and I breathed a little sigh of relief.

“I know that the idea of vampires burning in the sunlight is a myth.” My voice was soft, and I kept my eyes glued to the floor. No matter how many times I tried to rationalize what I was doing, I still felt guilty. “Their skin sparkles under direct sunlight, almost like diamonds. I also know that the only way to kill them is to rip them apart and burn them. It’s the only way to be absolutely sure.”

When I had finished my brief explanation, my body instinctively caved in on itself. My arms tightened around my stomach, my back hunched, and my head bowed forward. I was preparing myself for the worst possible outcome, bracing for the impact, whatever it was. Maybe Collin was a vampire, and he wanted to find out how much I knew before he killed me. Then again, maybe he was telling the truth when he said he wouldn’t hurt me. I had no way of knowing which possibility was more plausible, and that tiny fact terrified me.

“I can’t tell you how much I want to ask how you know these things.” The gentleness in Collin’s voice shocked me, and I slowly raised my eyes to meet his. “I’m a man of my word, Bella. I won’t push. The important part of all this is that I don’t have to explain much to you. I don’t have to make you believe that vampires exist. So all things considered, I’m relieved.”

 I nodded and pulled my knees to my chest. The reassurance that he wouldn’t press for more information had soothed a tiny bit of the soreness in my chest, and I was able to think a bit more rationally. There was something still weighing heavily on my shoulders, though. So I asked the one question that I desperately needed answered.

“Are you a vampire, Collin?”

He laughed, but it wasn’t the same throaty, natural sound from earlier. It was sardonic and humorless, almost cold. I wasn’t sure why, but I didn’t like it.  “No, I’m not a vampire.”

His revelation should have made me feel better, but it didn’t. Instead, my heartbeat started to increase and my entire body began to tremble, as I wondered what on earth he could be if he wasn’t a vampire. Was it possible for supernatural creatures, aside from vampires, to exist?  Edward had always been so secretive about his world, taking care to diffuse any conversation about it. So the idea wasn’t exactly unthinkable.

_Of course he kept you in the dark—he wanted to be able to sever ties when he was done with you._

The pain was immediate, and I could almost feel the shadow of my past darken my features. The throbbing hole in my chest suddenly felt heavy, like it weighed three tons, and my body arched forward to compensate. I focused on my breathing—a steady in and out pattern—as well as the way my arms were shaking, and I gasped softly when a set of long, elegant fingers sought out my own.

Collin’s hands were warm, his touch was soothing, and his expression was nothing but compassionate. He didn’t seem awkward as he silently comforted me, and I was grateful he elected not to speak. I wasn’t sure I could have maintained my careful façade if he had. I was used to dealing with grief on my own. When my grandmother had died, there had been no shortage of willing shoulders to cry on, but I had still chosen to be alone. It wasn’t because I was embarrassed by my tears or sadness; it was just the way I was. I was a loner.

I was momentarily lost in his chocolate, lightly freckled eyes. He was somewhat attractive—when he wasn’t covered in old clothes and dirt. If I reached out, I could trace his jaw line straight to his throat and down to the curvatures of his torso. His features were so much different than Ed—than _his_ , and yet, they were very similar too.  They both had beautiful faces and physiques, but there was something that set Collin apart from the vampire of my past.  When Collin looked at me, there was a deep sadness, a barely noticeable anguish in his eyes. I’d seen it before, but I had mistaken it for hate and loathing. Only now, with our faces so close, could I see that emotion for what it really was.

I was so captivated by his eyes, and the warmth of his hands, I absentmindedly opened my mouth and muttered, “You’re actually nice to look at when you’re clean.”

My stomach lurched, and the overwhelming humiliation hit me like a million hungry vampires. What on earth was wrong with me? Not only were Collin and I technically strangers, I wasn’t entirely sure I wanted anything more than that. After all, he hadn’t exactly gone out of his way to be nice to me. As I continued to beat myself up about what I’d just said, Collin’s eyes flashed. I was convinced he was going to yell at me for being so rude, but he threw his head back and laughed. I unintentionally closed my eyes as I listened to his laughter; it was so rough, so natural, and so… human. 

“Surprisingly enough,” he said heartily, running a hand through his damp hair. “You’re not the first one to say that.”

I breathed a sigh of relief, glad that he wasn’t mad at me, and I suppressed the impulse to question who he was talking about. When we had been in the underground shelter, Shiloh had mentioned something about a remarkable resemblance. What or who had she been talking about? Was the person who had told Collin he was attractive when he was clean the same one Shiloh had spoken of? Who was she? There were so many questions that I wanted him to answer, but there was one that took precedent over the others.

“If you’re not a vampire, what are you?”

“I’m a Walker.” The words flowed from his lips easily, but the expression on his face was stressed and complicated. Jillian had referred to him by that title in the forest, but I hadn’t really thought about what it meant.  I had been too out of my mind with fear at the time. When I shook my head, silently conveying that I didn’t understand what that term meant, he smiled sadly. “A hunter.”

“A hunter?” My brow furrowed deeply. “Of what?”

“I had assumed with what happened this afternoon that it was obvious.” He sighed when I shook my head again. “I hunt vampires.”

My first instinct was to laugh; the idea of someone actually hunting someone like Edward or Alice was ludicrous. Vampires were the most powerful creatures on the planet. All my encounters with them had proven as much. Then again, I had seen Collin stop Jillian’s assault single-handedly. So maybe, just maybe, my assumption was wrong.

“What do you mean by ‘hunt’?”

The right side of his mouth tugged upward in a sideways smirk, and I felt a chill run down my spine. “I’m not Van Helsing, if that’s what you’re thinking. I don’t hunt them because of some twisted sense of morality, nor for some personal vendetta. I hunt them because I have to. You know how vampires feed on blood?” I nodded. “I feed on the venom of vampires.”

Venom. It was the substance responsible for changing a human to a vampire. My fingers found the scar on my wrist, and I remembered the all-consuming fire which accompanied James’ bite and his venom. The very idea of the unimaginable, all-encompassing agony I had suffered repelled me instantly, and I couldn’t even fathom how any creature could survive on vampire venom.

“You drink… their… venom?” I had to force the words out; they sounded so ridiculous coming out of my mouth. “How can you stand it?”

He laughed softly, and he shook his head. “You’re under the assumption that I have a choice. The venom calls to me, just as blood calls to a vampire, and just as a tall, cold glass of water calls to a thirsty human.”

“You actually enjoy it?” I wasn’t sure if I was fascinated or repulsed by Collin’s revelation, but I was definitely confused. How on earth could anyone, human or not, actually enjoy vampire venom? It sounded so… disgusting. “How long have you been drinking it?”

He sighed and smiled sadly. “For a very long time.”

I recognized the vagueness in his answer for what it was. Considering he was as strong and as fast as a vampire, it wasn’t entirely unthinkable that he could be immortal. Still, if he hunted vampires, why hadn’t Edward mentioned his kind before? He and I had once had a conversation about the enemies of vampires, and he didn’t mention anything about any Walkers. Had Collin and his group only appeared recently? Where had they come from?

“Talk to me,” Collin requested, and he pleaded with his eyes. “I need to know you don’t think I’m completely insane.”

“You are insane,” I answered without hesitation. It was true. Regardless of him saving me, Collin had still gone out of his way to single me out and annoy me. He had been following me, he had cornered me at school, had been rude to me, and technically speaking, he had kidnapped me. The question of his sanity had been settled long ago, in my eyes anyway. “I’m just trying to figure out if I’m just as crazy.”

“Well.” He lowered his eyes, a small grin playing on his features. “Would you prefer the short version or the long version?”

I looked up at him. “What?”

He laughed. “That answers my question. I think it’s better if I start from the beginning.”

“The beginning of what?”

“Of everything,” he responded ominously, and his lips formed a thin line. “There’s no record of where the first vampire came from, Bella. No document that explains how the leeches came into being. What I can tell you is that by the time my people came into existence, the parasites had already laid claim on the world. In 1085 AD, the majority of Eastern Europe and Asia had fallen to a pair of strong vampire covens—the Volturi and the Romanians—and the home of the Walkers was next on the chopping block.”

 _The Volturi_.  I was slightly grateful that I wasn’t completely clueless. According to Edward, the Volturi were an ancient group of vampires, as well as the self-appointed lawmakers of his world. _The closest thing the vampire world has to royalty._ They supposedly ruled with an iron, albeit corrupt, fist, and they never offered second chances.

“My ancestors came from the northernmost part of Ireland, past Donegal.” Collin glanced out the window, and I noticed how tense he had become. “They were fisherman and farmers, but since they lived on the edge of the wilderness, they had a somewhat savage nature. So when their home was threatened by monsters, the warriors of the village didn’t hesitate to leave for battle. They left in the middle of the night, carrying torches and clubs, but as you can imagine, none returned.”

I leaned forward, my eyes wide and my mouth open. “Did the vampires slaughter the village?”

“No. Thankfully the Volturi had dispatched their guard to suppress the violence before they reached my ancestors. It was slightly poetic, if you think about it. Had they allowed the carnage to continue, the Walkers would never have been born.”

Collin took a deep breath, and then leaned toward me, his face shifting from slightly humored to blazing determination. He stared fiercely into my eyes, and he started speaking very quickly, an eager expression on his face. As he spoke, his eyes never deviated; they were focused on my face the entire time. His intensity made me feel alive, energetic, but also nervous and afraid.

“The Clan Leader’s daughter, Aednat, had a sneaking suspicion that the vampires would return one day. She denounced the Elders’ beliefs that the beasts were a curse from the gods, sent to torture and punish humans for their lack of faith. She attempted to prepare the others for the return of the leeches, but none believed her. While she was the daughter of their deceased leader, they never acknowledged her as their formal ruler, and therefore, they ridiculed her for her skepticism. However, when two men disappeared from their homes on the same night, Aednat saw her chance for redemption.

“As a child, her father had shared with her the story of the Night Warriors: six men who could do extraordinary things. According to the tale, the men had ingested the blood of a wood nymph, and they had gained amazing abilities. She was convinced that if her people could swallow the blood of a vampire, they would be as strong as the bloodsuckers. With this in mind, Aednat set out to find one of the demons that haunted their lands. After a few nights of wild goose chases, she finally found one.”

“Wait.” I held up my hands, somewhat astonished.  “Are you saying she actually went out looking for a vampire?”

His face turned hard and bitter. “Desperation can be a powerful ally if used correctly.”

I made no attempt to comment; I simply nodded and waited for him to continue. In reality, I couldn’t very well criticize Aednat for her choices. Before summer, I had willfully gone to face a vampire alone, knowing that I wouldn’t survive. If anything, I could relate to her.

“Some of the elder Walkers like to believe what happened next was fate, destiny, but Shiloh’s convinced it was just luck. Aednat found a vampire, and thankfully, he didn’t try to kill her. She offered him a trade—he could kill one of the villagers every month, and in return, he would give her a bucket full of his venom. The leech was surprised by the simplicity of her request, and he agreed to deliver what she had asked for in a week’s time. The two of them parted ways, and for the next five days, Aednat waited. As promised, the vampire appeared in her dwelling on the seventh night, and he presented her with a wooden bucket, filled to the brim with venom.  After he had vanished from her sight, she said a silent prayer, tilted the bucket back and drank.”

I tried to imagine what she would have been thinking in those moments before she drank the venom. “So Aednat was the first Walker?”

“No.” Collin shook his head. “This is when the story gets really… weird. When she drank the venom, Aednat had no idea that she was pregnant.”

I jerked my neck back in surprise, not expecting that extra piece of information, but my eyes softened, as I thought about the venom killing the unborn child. Venom was extremely potent and would no doubt be harmful to a fetus. “Did the baby die?”

“No, he didn’t.” Collin’s smile was sneaky and mischievous. “If Aednat had been bitten, the child would have been turned into a vampire—an immortal child to be precise—but when Aednat physically ingested the venom, something else happened—something extraordinary. The child inside her began to grow at a rapid pace, inhuman even. By the time two weeks had passed, her stomach looked as if she had been pregnant for seven months. Her husband had been killed a couple weeks before she had found the vampire, so she was alone. She hid herself away, refusing all visitors, so the others around her wouldn’t discover what she had done, and she waited.”

“Well? What happened?” I prompted Collin when he paused and regarded me with cautious eyes.  His mouth turned up in a smug grin, but I ignored it. The idea of actually having a child that had been contaminated by vampire venom sounded strange at best, and I was happy that it would never happen to me.

“Well, as you could imagine, Aednat could only stay hidden for so long before her absence would be noticed. So it wasn’t surprising when her cousins went looking for her. They found her covered in blood and already in labor. Even though they were confused by her disposition—the last time they’d seen her a month earlier, she hadn’t been pregnant—there was no time to question it. The three women, who had already brought children into the world themselves, helped Aednat. After only half an hour, Oren, the first Walker, _An chéadghin mic_ , was born.”

“Within the first day, Aednat discovered that her son could only feed on venom. Every time she had tried to feed him like a normal baby, he would throw it up. She had also attempted to feed him blood, thinking that maybe the vampire’s thirst had been passed on, but that wasn’t enough. While the child could survive on blood, it was an uncomfortable choice.  A Walker surviving on human blood is like a human trying to survive on drinking their urine. I’m not exactly sure how the child’s diet was changed. That information was lost in The Purge, but what I—“

“The Purge?” My brow furrowed, and I shook my head. “What’s that?”

His reaction was immediate, and I got the distinct impression that The Purge, whatever it was, wasn’t good. Collin’s gaze darkened, his jaw tightened, and his entire demeanor seemed to collapse. He shook his head slightly and muttered, “That’s a really… controversial subject, Bella. How about we skip it for now and come back to it later?”

“Okay.” My curiosity was barely controllable, but seeing how he had respected me, and he hadn’t pushed me for information on my past, I chose to honor his wishes. “So how long did it take for Aednat to realize what her son was?”

“Three years.” Collin seemed to bounce back from whatever funk he was in, and he started smiling again. I wasn’t sure why, but the return of his smile made me feel better, warm. “By that time, Oren already appeared to be twelve years old. Aednat had told everyone that he was her late husband’s nephew from a neighboring clan. Of course, it didn’t escape everyone’s notice that he could run faster and jump higher than all the other children. However, it was his sixth birthday when the biggest breakthrough happened. At six years old, Oren was over six feet tall and looked like he was in his twenties. Since the other villagers couldn’t explain his sudden appearance, and they had no proof that he was the same boy, they accepted Aednat’s explanation that he was her brother-in-law.

“Now, up until that point, Aednat had retained her agreement with the vampire. She had convinced him to come every three months though, so as not to attract attention, and he had conceded. Each time he visited, she would receive a large bucket of his venom, and she would ration it out for Oren. Nevertheless, there wasn’t always enough, which was a bad thing. To starve a Walker is to invite chaos. So when the vampire finally appeared, a week later than usual, Aednat was relieved. Unfortunately, he didn’t come alone.

“The vampire came with five others, and their intent was clear—they were going to slaughter the humans. Aednat confronted the one who had helped her, the one she had sacrificed many of her friends to, but the leech wouldn’t listen to reason. Oren came running when he heard his mother scream, and he found her lying in a pool of her own blood. She whispered that she loved him and died in his arms.”

I bit back the sob and took a deep breath. When I had gone to face James, I had done so believing that he had my mother. I had been willing to die to save her, and I had refused to entertain the idea that he would kill her. In that respect, I sorrowed for Oren’s loss, even though it happened over nine hundred years prior.

“It’s common knowledge that Walkers have volatile tempers, but once our adrenaline starts pumping, we’re forces of nature. Oren heard the screams of the villagers, but that’s not what ultimately spurred him into action. He could smell the vampires’ venom, and in his hungered state, it drove him insane. He took off, moving at a speed comparable to the leeches, and he found them. The one who had made the pact with Oren’s mother saw him, and the vampire mocked him. Up until that point, the bloodsuckers were unmatched and unrivaled. So there was no way they could have anticipated what happened next.

“Oren punched the leech in the gut, and the most amazing thing happened. His fist punctured the creature’s abdomen and erupted out the other side. Before any of them could react, Aednat’s son had ripped the vampire in half and began drinking the venom from his wound. He had drained the treacherous beast in less than ten seconds. The rest of them were too stunned to move, but when the realization hit them, they ran. Oren caught two of them, draining them and ripping them apart, but the rest of them disappeared.

“As you can imagine, the villagers were pretty disturbed by what had happened. In fact, many of them were afraid of Oren, and they started screaming. However, it was the Elders that ultimately calmed the people down. These were the same Elders that decried Aednat’s fears of the leeches’ return. They proclaimed Oren to be the savior of the village, and that he was a gift from the gods. When it was discovered what Aednat had done, fourteen other women, who were pregnant, offered up their unborn children, and the first fifteen Walkers were created.”

“Wow,” was all I could say. “That’s… just… wow.”

“That’s exactly what I said the first time I heard the story,” he said before continuing with the story. “The Walkers eventually broke away from the village and started their own society. It was inevitable, if you think about it. The village elders wanted them to be a shield against the vampires, but the Walkers needed venom. So they had to follow the leeches. They finally started feeding from the bloodsuckers and releasing them, just so they would have something to live off of. There was a time when suicide was a very likely choice for them.”

“How did they survive?” What would have happened to them if the venom wore out?

“Before I tell you this, you should know that no Walker still practices this method. It was a choice made out of desperation.” Collin’s eyes were pleading with me, and I silently braced myself for what he had to say. “Like Aednat, the Walkers made a pact with a coven of four vampires. They would be allowed to live and feed on the island’s residents, but in return, they would be required to create newborn vampires, strictly for the Walkers to feed on.”

“What?” I was shocked. “That’s monstrous! How does that make them any better than the vampires?”

Collin’s eyebrows pulled together, and with an angry growl, he brought his face very close to mine. His breath splashed across my face, and I could smell the sickly sweet aroma which had saturated his clothes. “Don’t ever say that again. It’s considered disloyal, and it’s punishable by death.”

As he turned away from me, I could see the hurt and rejection in his eyes, and my stomach heaved in remorse. Collin had trusted me with the secret of his ancestors, he had opened up to me, and I had just mocked him for it. In addition, I had no reason to disparage him or his forefathers for being monsters. Human beings were a savage race of creatures who massacred and enslaved their fellow man. My criticisms of Collin and the Walkers had no grounds to stand on.

Feeling guilty for what I had said, I apologized. “I’m sorry for being so judgmental, Collin. I guess I’m just trying to wrap my head around everything you’ve told me. You have to admit, it’s pretty… well… you know.”

He turned back to me hesitantly. “I understand, Bella—I’m sorry for snapping at you.”

“It’s okay.” We fell into an awkward silence, and I fidgeted nervously while he watched me. Not wanting the moment to drag by any slower, I desperately tried to keep the conversation flowing.  I thought back to our time spent in the underground shed, and I remembered something. “Collin? What’s a receptor?”

“A receptor is someone who has an ancestor who was a Walker. As soon as a receptor turns seventeen, their blood becomes more potent to vampires. When spilled, it emits a very distinct aroma that’s practically irresistible.”

I frowned and looked at the scar tracing up my forearm. If what Collin said was true, and if I really was a receptor, would that explain why Jasper had attacked me? He had been around me a lot, but he only took a snap at me during my eighteenth birthday party, when I had cut my finger. Was it possible?

“In addition,” Collin continued, oblivious to my distress. “A receptor can be turned to a Walker.”

His second explanation caught my attention, and was immediately confused. “Wait. If they have a family member who is a Walker, why wouldn’t they already be considered one?”

“A receptor has no enhanced abilities,” he elaborated. “They can’t move the way we move, and they don’t require our dietary source. However, there’s a process that can turn a receptor into a fully fledged Walker, giving them our speed, strength, and unfortunately, our diet.”

My head fell to my waiting hands. “This is all so confusing.”

“I know.” I felt his hands rest on my shoulders. “It was just as confusing to me, when I was turned.”

“You were a receptor?”

 “I was twenty years only when Shiloh found me. To be honest, it wasn’t my proudest moment. I had gotten into a bar fight, and the other guy had split my lip open. Shiloh smelled the blood, and she recognized the scent of a receptor. She found me slumped over, covered in my own vomit. I had been disowned by my parents, but I didn’t really care. I was a drunk, a fiend, a worthless excuse for a human being, but she still came to me. Shiloh wasn’t repulsed by my outward appearance, or my vain attempts to hit on her. In fact, she had quite a sense of humor about it.”

“So did she change you right there?”

“No,” he answered, shaking his head. “What she said before is how she truly feels. Loyalty cannot come from force. It’s something that her father, Oren, instilled on her.”

“Wait.” I held up my hands. “Oren? You mean Aednat’s Oren? He’s Shiloh’s father?”

He smiled. “Yes. She’s the child of Oren and Dechtire. Back then, everyone knew her as _Aoife_ , but over time, she changed it to Shiloh.”

“Collin… how old is she?”  I wasn’t sure if I wanted to know the answer.

“Let me think,” he said. “She was born about thirty years after her father, so that would make her a year or two shy of nine hundred. Shiloh’s a rarity, though. Many Walkers are less than four hundred years old.”

“How many are there?” I tried not to think about what he had just told me. The idea that Shiloh was almost nine hundred years old was making my stomach queasy. When Edward had first told me Carlisle’s age, I was shocked, but this was something else.

“Not many,” he answered, offhandedly. “There were attempts to rebuild our species to what it was before The Purge, but it just never happened. There’s a relatively large colony in Sweden. That’s where Shiloh’s parents live. Other than that, the remaining Walkers not living in the colony are nomads.”

“They’re still alive? Shiloh’s parents, I mean.” When he nodded, I frowned. “Why isn’t she living with them?”

“The relationships that exist between Walkers are very different than humans, Bella. Shiloh, in particular, chose to leave her parents for multiple reasons, but predominantly because she hates the bureaucracy and political cesspool that follows them. As a pureblood, and Oren’s offspring, she’s considered royalty among our people. However, her allegiance lies to us—her receptors—and to Dex.”

I shook my head. “What’s Dex?” 

“Dex is a Walker,” he said, smiling. “More importantly, though, he’s second-in-command, as well as Shiloh’s _leannán_. Loosely translated, _leannán_ means ‘lover,’ but in our culture, it has a deeper significance. It’s the other half of a Walker’s soul, their perfect match. In vampire terms, he’s Shiloh’s mate.”

I’d heard that word tossed around by the Cullens before, but never really focused too much on it. Carlisle had used that word to describe a vampire’s soul mate, while Alice had used it to explain Edward’s feelings for me. Of course, I realized that she had been lying all along. I was nothing more than a distraction, a simple little girl. My insides started to burn, and I twisted in discomfort, as I tried to push the truth away.

If Collin noticed my discomfort, he chose not to say anything. “You also haven’t met Riklin yet. He’s the only other pure blooded Walker we have, other than Shiloh and Dex. He’s not entirely… um… in touch with humanity, though. So don’t be surprised if he does something strange around you.”

“Strange?” Collin’s appraisal of his friends helped me to push the pain away, and I was finally able to concentrate. “What do you mean by ‘strange’?”

“Shiloh and Rix are very distinct individuals, Bella,” Collin explained. “They were raised in a particular fashion.”

“I don’t understand.” How on earth could there be something stranger about Collin and his friends?

“The children of Walkers exude specific traits within the first few months after their born. These traits tell their parents what path they should take. From birth, both her parents knew Shiloh would be leader, a _ceannaire,_ and so she was trained as such. Her primary focus, her only care in this world, is the safety of those who serve her—me and my brothers and sister.”

I thought back to the way she had looked at me, the way her eyes had darkened the moment they had found me, and I shivered. “She hates me, doesn’t she?”

“No. She doesn’t hate you, Bella.” He laughed and shook his head. “There’s something I need you to understand about my _ceannaire_. This is going to sound crazy, but just bear with me, all right? Even if Shiloh decided to kill you, it wouldn’t be because she hates you.”

I scoffed. “You’re right—that does sound crazy.”

“She analyzes potential threats to the safety and security of me and the others. If she deemed you a threat to the group, or our anonymity, then she’d eliminate you. You don’t have to worry about it though. She’s already given me the okay to train you, which basically means, she’s willing to tolerate you… for the moment.”

“For the moment?” I shook my head. His reassurances did little to quell the tension in my stomach, and I silently decided that I would stay away from Shiloh at all costs. The idea of an almost-nine hundred year old vampire hunter, with a threatening scar on her face simply tolerating my presence wasn’t sitting well with me.  How on earth had she gotten that scar, anyway? “Can I ask you a question?”

“Of course,” he said. “What would you like to know?”

“How did Shiloh get that scar?”

He faltered, and he offered me a sad smile. “That’s something you need to ask her.”

I gave him an incredulous look. “You’re joking, right?”

Was he actually expecting me to approach her—the one who would kill me, but not hate me—and simply ask her how she got that horrible, disfiguring scar on her face? If only he knew that such a task was impossible for me. I was surprised I was even able to hold a conversation with Collin.

“Trust me, Bella,” Collin said. “Shiloh will welcome your questions. She won’t get mad.”

Of course he could say that; he had known her for… well, I didn’t know for how long, but it was no doubt longer than me. He wouldn’t get nervous around her, or wonder if his questions would be met with hostility. Then again, he also didn’t have to worry about being considered a threat, and consequently being eliminated. I sighed and accepted the fact that I would never know how Shiloh had received such a brutal wound and lived.

 “What’s going on in that head of yours?” He was smiling, but I could see a flicker of caution in his eyes. Perhaps, like Edward, he was waiting for me to run away screaming. “Are you devising a plan of escape?”

His question broke through my revelry, and I welcomed the distraction.

 “Hardly.” His lack of credit was really insulting, and I couldn’t help but laugh. After being hunted by one vampire and being left in the woods by another one, I was sure I could handle whatever Collin could throw at me. Of course, that didn’t mean I wasn’t a tiny bit perturbed. “It’s just… the idea of someone actually hunting a vampire is… well, pretty unbelievable.”

His smile widened, and his features twisted into a predatorial expression. “There’s always a bigger fish, Bella.”

Although I felt a shot of fear rush through my body, in response to the animalistic look on his face, there was excitement there too. The idea of Collin, and his world of vampire hunters and immortals, made my body feel hot with electricity. I wanted to know more, I wanted to see more, but I knew the road to the information I desired was a dangerous path to take. In addition, what if I dove headfirst into his world only to find out it wasn’t what I wanted? What would I do then? Would I be able to walk away?

_You need to at least be able to protect yourself! The vampires down here are different. Look what happened with Jillian! You didn’t even know she was a vampire!_

My back straightened as I thought of the girl I’d considered a friend. Her eyes had been brown, not red. How was she a vampire if she had eyes like mine? I turned back to Collin and asked him, “Why weren’t Jillian’s eyes red?”

He smiled. “You noticed that, huh? It’s quite common down here in the south. The parasites wanted a way to move through society—it makes for better hunting apparently. Every single vamp down here has a large supply of contact lenses.”

“Contact lenses?” It seemed like such a simple answer. I was almost disappointed. “That’s all?”

“That’s all,” he confirmed. “They have to change them out every two or three hours—the venom will eventually dissolve the lenses.”

I frowned as I thought of a vampire putting contact lenses in their eyes, and I was surprised at how disappointed I felt. I wasn’t sure what I had been expecting, but it sure wasn’t something so simple like lenses. While I sat there, slightly miffed, I wondered if the Cullens had ever used them. _Probably not._ Once again, there was no way for me to know for sure; Edward never told me.

The mere thought of his name unleashed the gnawing, searing torture inside me, and I was rendered breathless. I needed a distraction from the pain, desperately, and as I thought back to my time spent with Jillian, I spouted off the first question that came to mind. “How do they move around in the daylight?”

He looked surprised. “Excuse me?”

“Jillian was always in class, even on sunny days.” I choked the words out. “How did she do it?”

“The under passage,” he said. “Back during the late forties, the vampires started digging a series of passageways, masquerading them as fallout shelters. It helped them hide during the day hours, and avoid the general public. Over time, they’ve evolved into a labyrinth of tunnels, accessible through certain areas of the city. There’s probably a couple running under us as we speak.”

I was relieved when my breathing started to regulate, and I inhaled deeply to test my lungs. They felt almost normal. My curiosity over an underground tunnel system, created by vampires for vampires, had chased away the painful memories enough for the numbness to return. Not wanting the agony to relapse, I asked, “Can I see it?”

He frowned and shook his head. “No.”

I waited for him to explain that there was some mystical barrier, which prohibited anything that wasn’t a supernatural creature from crossing into the Under Passage—but he didn’t. He simply turned away from me, silently implying that the issue was closed. My nostrils flared, as I was reminded of all the times Ed… _he_ had refused to answer my questions, and I grew irritated.

“I’m not a child, Collin,” I stated firmly, and he turned back to me, “and I don’t need to be sheltered like one, either.”

His eyebrows lifted. “Is that what you think, Bella? I’m trying to shelter you? Just because I won’t take you to a place that I wouldn’t go myself, you think it’s a slight against your maturity? Am I hearing you correctly?”

I stammered a bit, suddenly nervous by his piercing stare, and after a few sharp breaths, I was able to clear my head enough to speak. “Why you won’t take me in the Under Passage?”

“It’s crawling with vampires,” he growled, “and not seasoned ones, like Jillian. There are many fresh leeches down there. Would you like to be caught in a steel cage with one of them?”

My brow indented in misapprehension. “Fresh leeches?”

“Newborns.” I had heard Carlisle speak briefly about the newborn phase of vampires. Although Edward hadn’t wanted him to tell me, I had pressed for more facts over the summer. Wanting to join the family that I thought wanted me as much as I wanted them, I had tried to learn as much as I could about their world. First year vampires were known for their volatile behavior and blood lust. They were unbelievably strong, unthinkably fast, and uncontrollable. “A vampire who’s less than one year old.”

I nodded as Collin reiterated what I already knew about them, and I kept quiet. It was so strange that I had left Forks thinking my time with vampires was over, and had found myself in another supernatural world. In this world, however, there were creatures that hunted vampires, made deals with them, and lived in some kind of pack. Somehow, strange didn’t seem an adequate enough description.

Collin was silently appraising me, and I wasn’t sure what to do or say about it. The awkwardness from before had returned, and rather than let it continue, I seized the moment to check on the clothes in the washing machine. Sure enough, they had finished washing, and as I started the drying cycle, I leaned against the machine and breathed deeply.

Not only was Collin immortal, he was some kind of vampire hybrid that fed on the venom of vampires. In addition, I was a receptor, which was essentially a distant cousin, and was able to be turned into… one of them. _As if I wasn’t enough of a freak already._

I still had several questions for Collin; what did all of if mean for me? If I was turned, would I be expected to live in that dank, dirty hole in the ground? How would I deal with Renee and Phil? Would I have to say goodbye to them… and Charlie? What would happen if I ever encountered the Cullens again? Despite Edward and Alice rejecting me, I couldn’t imagine ever hurting them. My loyalty was irrevocably tied to them, and nothing could break it.

I took my time returning to my room, and when I finally arrived, Collin was right where I had left him. He offered me a tight smile, which I didn’t return, and he ran a hand through his hair.

“Your clothes should be dry in half an hour,” I mumbled awkwardly, and he voiced his thanks. As I took a seat on my bed, I idly glanced down at my arm and James’s bite mark, and my memories with the Cullens fought to break free. Had Collin and his group ever met them? It was highly unlikely, especially since Edward had never mentioned the Walkers, but that didn’t stop me from being curious. “So have you traveled around a lot?”

“Not as often as you think,” he commented, shrugging. “We’ve been up and down the east coast, the Midwest, and around Asia, but that’s about it. Shiloh and Dex have traveled more. We don’t typically associate with humans, and they keep their distance from us.” He smirked at me. “Well, they usually do.”

I scoffed. “Don’t look at me—you’re the one who ran into me.”

“I beg your pardon?” He looked at me with disbelief. “I think we may be thinking of different incidents. The way I remember it, you were looking at your feet while you walked.”

I couldn’t exactly refute what he was saying; I hadn’t been watching where I was going that day. However, it took two to tango, and hadn’t he just proved he could have stopped in time? “If you saw me looking at my feet, why didn’t you move?”

He started to speak but stopped before he could utter a sound. His expression changed from cocky to nervous, and finally, to withdrawn. “It was right before we ran into one another. I didn’t have time to move.”

“That doesn’t make sense,” I argued. “You’re as fast as a vampire, and yet, you couldn’t move in time to avoid a collision? Does that sound logical to you?”

He lowered his eyes and muttered, “Drop it.”

“Collin—“

“I said, drop it,” he growled fiercely, and I swallowed the nervousness in my throat. “It’s not something I want to talk about, all right? There’s a reason, a very good reason, but it’s not something I’m going to talk about with you. So just drop it, all right?”

The feel of the room had changed once again; we were back to the nervous awkwardness. The endless circle was really starting to wear on me, as was Collin’s refusal to share certain things with me. Hadn’t he promised to be open with me? Wasn’t that the condition for me opening my window for him? I grew frustrated, as he stared down at his hands, and I had to struggle to keep my composure.

“You have to understand something, Bella.” He lifted his head. “Everyone has secrets, and I’m no exception. There are things about myself that I choose not to reveal to anyone. It’s nothing against you, I swear. I just don’t feel comfortable sharing certain things with others.”

I could relate, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t still aggravated. Still, rather than argue with him, I nodded and accepted his explanation.

“So,” he said, obviously trying to change the subject. “Is there anything else you’d like to know?”

There were tons of answers I wanted, but I knew he wouldn’t give them to me. I wanted to know about The Purge, as well as why he allowed himself to run into me, but it was pointless to ask. So I thought back to the incident with Jillian, wondering if there was something else that I had found strange. Sure enough, as I recalled the moment Una had stopped him from decapitating Jillian, I remembered something.

“What’s _Fuil Aimsir?_ ” I asked. “I heard Una say it in the park.”

He nodded. “Loosely translated, it means ‘blood week.’ We made a pact with the vampires in the area. They’re allowed to hunt in the city for one week each month, and we can’t stop them. However, if we catch them any other time during the month, we’re allowed to kill them. We made the contract about four years ago, and we’ve never breached it… until today.”

Una’s words came back to me, as I listened to him. _“We cannot interfere—you know this!”_

“Why did you do it?” I wasn’t ungrateful for what he had done, but it did seem strange. After all, Collin hardly knew me. I’m sure he wouldn’t have grieved if Jillian had killed me. “Why did you save me?”

“Do you remember how I questioned you about my journal?” I glared at him in response to his question. “Sorry. Of course you do. Well, when I returned to Shiloh and told her that you hadn’t read it, she was… surprised and appreciative. She issued a mandate that I was to protect you for two weeks, since that was how long you possessed the journal.  A mandate issued from a _ceannaire_ is iron clad and non-negotiable. However, the final week of protection fell on _Fuil Aimisir_ , but it didn’t seem like a problem, until the wretch started following you around.

“I tried to keep my distance, but it was painfully obvious that she was stalking you, and I was powerless to do anything. Today, I watched her lead you to the park, and I knew what was going to happen. It really was an unwinnable scenario, but I made a decision, and I don’t regret it.”

“So what happens now?” I remembered the Cullens always wondered if Victoria would come back to avenge James. Would any of the vampires try to do so for Jillian? “Are you in trouble?”

“Not yet.” He ran a hand through his hair roughly. “Una did a good job on destroying the body, so I think everything is all right for now. However, we’ll probably keep our ears open for a month or so.”

“What would they do?” I pulled my knees up to my chest, and I rested my cheek on the tops of my knees. I was starting to get sleepy. “If the others found out about you killing Jillian—what would happen?”

He shook his head. “The best case scenario is we would be run out of town.”

“And the worst?”

His gaze met mine, and I felt a haunting chill run down my spine, as he said, “War.”

I felt nauseous. If it came to that, if the Walkers went to war with the vampires, it would be my fault. Any of their deaths would be on my head. I felt frustrated by that realization; I hadn’t asked him to save me, so I shouldn’t feel accountable for anything that would come of Collin’s choice. However, I shook my head and denied my rationalization. I was the Queen of Self-Sacrifice and the Princess of Worry. Regardless of what I told myself, I would feel responsible for anything that happened to them.

“You look tired,” Collin commented, and he gestured to my bed. “You should get some sleep.”

“What about your clothes?” As soon as he mentioned it, my eyelids grew heavier. “They aren’t ready yet.”

His voice grew fainter, as I lay down, and I felt my body grow heavier. Sleep was coming. “I’m not leaving, Bella—I’ll get them when they’re done.”

“Okay,” I muttered, and I closed my eyes. “Just make sure my parents don’t see you.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” He laughed, and I felt the blankets being pushed over me. My head was swimming with all the new information I’d received, and after sharing what I had known about vampires, I felt lighter. A huge weight had been lifted off me, and I almost felt… normal. “Good night, Bella.”

 


	9. Chapter Nine

Chapter Nine

The following morning, I woke with a start and frowned up at the ceiling. There was a soft, dim light drifting in through my curtains, I could smell the earthy scent of coffee grounds from the kitchen, and I could hear the news anchor on the television in the living room. Sitting up in bed, I reached up and massaged the center of my chest, which was usually burning when I awoke, but it was surprisingly numb. Even as I turned my ear toward the window and heard the soft tapping of rain against the glass, there was nothing but a muted ache in my stomach, which was probably caused by hunger.  I felt somewhat… normal?

I shook my head and glanced at the alarm clock; it was seven in the morning—thirty minutes before I was supposed to get up for school. I anxiously rubbed my eyes with both hands, convinced I was dreaming, but when I looked again, the time still read the same. My mouth gaped open while I stared at the tiny, digital clock, and as my brain finally caught up, I realized what was different. I had slept through the entire night.   




“Huh.”

Since coming to Jacksonville, I had been plagued by nightmares of Edward running off with Jessica, and me being left in the woods. They were so horrifying that I had screamed through them, and Phil had been forced to shake me until I stirred. I had assumed they would continue forever, since I was convinced I would love Edward forever, but the previous night had proved me wrong.

Although my dreams had, technically, been nightmares, they weren’t anything I couldn’t handle.  In the dream, I had been wandering through the forest, anxiously looking for something, when I had come to a crossroad. I had stood there, looking up and down each path, but I couldn’t decide which way I should go. I shook my head, chasing away the memories of the frustrating dream, and switched off my alarm before it had a chance to go off. However, as I started to swing my feet over the side of my bed, thoughts of a warm shower dancing through my mind, I gasped.

Collin was lying on my floor. His eyes were shut, and he was snoring softly.

I frowned momentarily, thinking he was making fun of me, until I realized that he was actually asleep, and then my lips turned upward in a light smile. While this wasn’t the first time I’d had a supernatural creature in my bedroom, it was the first time a supernatural creature had slept in my room.  I tried not to think about Forks, and to the vampire who had shared my room many times, and instead, I thought back to everything I had learned the previous night.

My assessment of Collin and his friends had been correct. They were not human; they were a supernatural species that fed on the venom of vampires. It was still strange for me to fathom anyone feeding on a vampire’s venom, and I caught myself shuddering the more I thought of it. Moreover, if I really was a receptor, which Shiloh had apparently confirmed, and if I was turned, would I be expected to drink it as well? Collin had insisted that it was appealing, but I just couldn’t believe him. How could I?

“Please stop staring at me.” I jumped, as Collin opened his eyes. “You’re making me feel self-conscious.”

I mumbled an apology, but still continued to watch him, as he stood up and began lacing up his boots. While I never made a habit of staring at other people’s feet, I found myself almost gawking at the sight of Collin’s. It wasn’t that I had a foot attraction or anything. Collin’s skin fascinated me. Although he was pale, like Ed—like a vampire, he still maintained a subtle pink hue of mortality. It was… intriguing.

“What?” He caught me gawking, and he laughed incredulously at me. “What is it? Why are you staring at me like that? Did I grow a second head overnight or something?”

I chuckled softly and shook my head. “I’m sorry—I was just looking at your skin.”

His eyebrows shot up, and although he frowned, I could see the amusement in his eyes. “Really? And what about my skin is drawing your attention?”

“It’s weird,” I muttered absentmindedly. “Strange.”

“Are you usually this complimentary in the morning?” My cheeks reddened, but before I could beg for his forgiveness, his face erupted into a bright smile. “What do you find strange?”

“Your skin looks pale like, you know, a… vamp-vampire,” I said slowly, carefully, and I moved closer to him. It still felt strange to talk about vampires to someone other than myself. However, it was definitely something I could get used to. “When you look closer, though, there’s a shade of pink.” I looked up, and I realized we were less than a foot apart, which immediately made me take a few steps back. “It makes you look more human—if that makes sense.”

He nodded. “It makes perfect sense.”

We stood there for a few additional seconds, before he returned to the task of putting on his boots. I tried to occupy myself with menial tasks, such as filling my backpack with books, but ultimately, I ended up staring at him again. It seemed like everything about Collin fascinated me, from the small, casual gestures to his bizarre style.

“Collin?” I tried not to look at him as he hummed in response. “Why don’t you ever change your clothes?”

He snorted. “Does my lack of fashion disgust you that much?”

I lifted my head, indignant. “No—that’s not it. I’ve just noticed that you only wear that one outfit, and I’m just curious why.”

He gave me an exasperated look, before redirecting his attention to his boots, and for a moment, I wondered if he was going to answer me. “The clothes we wear are the clothes we have.  We can’t get jobs, since we don’t play well with humans and have no proof of our existence, so we don’t have any money. What we own is what we have.”

I felt my ears start to burn, as I listened to him, and I couldn’t fight the absolute shame I felt. Collin and his friends weren’t the Cullens, I reminded myself, which meant they were without the endless supply of resources and funds. They survived on what they had, because frankly, they didn’t need to blend into society.  From the look on Collin’s face, he was somewhat embarrassed of that fact, which only made me feel worse.

“I’m sorry, Collin,” I said softly. “I didn’t mean to imply that your clothes are bad.”

“I know you didn’t,” he commented and offered me a sad smile. “Believe me, if I had more clothes, I’d wear them.”

I wanted to change the subject, so as he ran a hand through his hair and dusted some grime off his boots, I said the first thing that came to my mind. “I’ve noticed that you all wear those boots. Is there some special significance of them?”

Collin welcomed the topic change, and he smiled. “They’re imbued with vampire venom, which makes them resistant to wear and tear. They’re also exceedingly comfortable.”

“Where did they come from?” I knelt at his feet and ran my hands over the boots. They were so soft, and yet, firm. “Did you make them?”

“Yes.” He smiled at my surprised expression. “The Walkers started making them almost six hundred years ago, and we haven’t stopped. The skill of creating these boots is passed on from _ceannaire_ to the Walkers who serve them. Shiloh taught me, just as she will teach you… if you decide to… well, you know.”

It was something we had yet to discuss, and I think we both knew how difficult a conversation it would be. If I was really a receptor, a descendant of one of the Walkers, I had the capability of being turned into one of them. I would become like Collin and his friends. My desire for food would be replaced by an overwhelming need for venom. I could only wonder if my love for certain vampires would change as well. If I met them again, would I be expected to kill them? Would I want to? The very idea of attacking and killing one of them was too much to bear, and I quickly shoved the idea away. Even if I did become a Walker, and even if I happened to cross paths with the vampires of my past, I vowed to myself that I would never hurt them.

I was so consumed with possible meetings with the Cullens that I didn’t hear my mother’s footsteps echoing through the hall. My eyes flew wide open, as I heard her knocking and soft whispers, and my eyes cut to Collin. He looked just as surprised as I did, and before I could blink, he had crossed the room, opened the window, and vanished into the rapidly brightening day. When Renee opened the door, I was still gawking at my empty room; it was all just so familiar.

“Good morning, honey,” Renee said carefully, and her eyes trailed around my bedroom. “What are you looking at? Bella?”

“Nothing,” I insisted, and after seeing her unconvinced expression, I added, “I thought I saw a bug.”

“Well,” Renee said, as she crossed the room and shut the window, “that’ll happen if you keep your window open. Were you hot last night?”

“No,” I muttered, absentmindedly.  “It was fine.”

“Why did you open your window, then?” My mother rested her hand on my shoulder, and I turned to her. “Bella?”

“I thought I saw something,” I answered, feeling somewhat irritated by her incessant questions. When she looked like she was about to ask something else, I turned away from her. “I need to get ready for school.”

The hurt expression on her face made me feel terrible, but as she shuffled out of my room and closed the door, I couldn’t find it in me to regret my dismissal of her. I had to keep her out, prevent her from pushing again. The alternative was to open up to her and share my secrets, which wasn’t an option for me. _Unless I want to spend the rest of my life in a padded cell._ There was no other choice. So rather than dwell on the reactions of my mother, I focused on getting ready for the day.

The numbness had thankfully decided to linger, so I was able to shower and get dressed with no major difficulty. Even when my hand slightly grazed across one of the many blouses _she_ had given me, there was only a tiny bit of burning in my stomach. Nothing I couldn’t handle. However, when I realized what had occurred, I panicked. Perhaps my heart had taken as much pain as it could handle and was forcing me to forget. Would _they_ eventually fade from my memory all together?  No—I refused to let that happen. Even if it meant living the rest of my life as an empty shell, I would trade a lifetime for a chance to live the few months we’d had together again.

I wandered out to the kitchen and found my mother bent over the stove. Instead of ignoring the food, as I had been for the last month, I made every attempt to eat. Like dinner the previous evening, I managed to choke down a serving of eggs and some toast, and my mother appeared to be quelled by my efforts. When it was time to leave for school, there were no talks about psychologists or my behavior, and there were no threats to send me back to Forks. There was just Mom, me, and silence.

“All right, honey,” Renee said, as we pulled up in front of the school, and she gave me a supportive pat on the shoulder. “I’ll be here after school.”

“Okay,” I responded. “Thanks, Mom.”

It was strange to see my mother beaming at me so radiantly, especially when twenty-four hours ago, she had been threatening to send me back to Forks. It wasn’t something that I was upset about, but if I was being honest, it was definitely weird. Still, I was happy that she had abandoned her mission to get me into therapy, and I chose to ignore her change in attitude… for the moment.

I pushed through the sea of bodies in the parking lot, trying to avoid slipping across the wet pavement. A barrage of questions raced through my mind, while I made my way to my first class, and I fought to suppress them. Would Mr. Falcon notice Jillian’s absence? What about Collin? Would it be too weird if I simply sat next to him again? Would he expect me to? Would our relationship in school change?

“Going somewhere?” I jumped, as a soft voice whispered in my ear, and I spun around to find Collin behind me. He brushed a few stray hairs from his eyes and stared down at me. My eyes raked over his body, and I noticed with slight confusion, that something was different. Instead of the flannel shirt, he was wearing a simple, black long sleeve shirt. The cut accentuated his lean physique, and the all black ensemble enhanced the otherworldly pigment of his skin. He actually looked like a vampire.  “Good morning, Bella.”

“Hi,” I commented and took a few steps back, feeling suddenly flustered. “I mean, good morning.”

He glanced at my backpack and peered casually over my shoulder, looking somewhat confused. “What are you doing?”

My brow furrowed. What did he mean? “I’m going to class—isn’t that what students are supposed to do?”

He refocused his brown eyes on mine, and he shook his head. “You’re not going to class today.”

“What?” I gasped, as his hand curled loosely around my bicep, and he pulled me back toward the front of the school. If I had been in Forks, several students would have interceded, or at least gawked, but I wasn’t. I was at Jackson High School, where everyone was apathetic and could care less about what was happening in front of them. The other students seemed only vaguely aware of what was transpiring, and they quickly moved out of Collin’s way, not offering us so much as a second glance. Where was he taking me? “Where—“

My voice cut off, when Collin ushered us into the front office, and he deftly guided us past the receptionist’s desk. The receptionist—a plump, older woman with a head of gray hair—hesitantly looked up from whatever book she had in her hands, but when she saw us, she continued reading. _Strange._

We approached a large, mahogany door, which had “Declan Quinn” printed on the outside. We were going to see the principal? What the heck was Collin doing? Jillian’s words about him being close with Principal Quinn echoed in my mind, and I felt a strange queasiness in my stomach. Just as I was about to stop him and insist he let me go, Collin pushed the door open, and I found myself standing in front of the principal.

 The office was relatively large, with a few store bought prints on the walls, and a large, black desk at the center. The principal was sitting there, his head turned down on a stack of papers, a concentrated frown on his face. Just like before, when Jillian and I had seen him outside, Principal Quinn was dressed in a business casual ensemble, with his hair neatly combed and gelled back.

He didn’t look up, as we entered, but spoke regardless. He sounded bored. “Another day pass, Collin?”

Collin took a step forward, angling his body between Principal Quinn and myself. “Two, actually.”

At this, Principal Quinn looked up, and when he saw me, his curious gaze morphed into a steely glare. “What’s the meaning of this, Mr. Maevin?”

My cheeks flushed, and I felt a swarm of butterflies invade my stomach. Had Collin assumed that Principal Quinn would let us leave the school grounds? Was I going to get in trouble? Would he call Renee? I started to fidget nervously and was moments from apologizing, when Collin started to laugh.

“Oh, knock it off, Dex!” Collin shook his head, and he ushered me forward, his hand on the small of my back. Dex—I knew that name. He was Shiloh’s soul mate, a _leannán,_ which, in vampire terms, meant they were a mated pair. My eyes widened when Dex, as he was called, stood up. He was easily taller than Collin, as well as the others I’d seen. He had to be at least 6’7’’, if not taller. His frown deepened, as he rounded his desk, and when he narrowed his eyes at me, I took a step back. Collin noticed my change in demeanor, and much to my shock, he chastised him for it. “ _Stad*_ , Dex—you’re scaring her! This is Bella.”

The look on Principal Quinn’s face changed instantly, melting into a mystified smile. For a brief moment, I was reminded of the first time I had met Shiloh. Collin had told her the very same thing. Were Dex and Shiloh really unaware of how intimidating they were? As I watched the giant man, his brown eyes twinkled, and he actually laughed. “Bella? The receptor?”

 “The very same,” Collin answered, resting a hand on my shoulder. “She needs to start learning—can you help?”

 _How does he know about me?_  I realized it wasn’t necessarily a shock that he was aware of who and what I was. After all, if he and Shiloh were soul mates, they probably shared everything—something that I knew absolutely nothing about. A familiar twinge of pain sent ripples through my body, and I slowly wrapped a hand around my midsection, as the hole in my chest reopened. Dex and Collin were discussing something, but I couldn’t follow their conversation. I was too busy trying to hold myself together.

“So it’s not a problem, then?” Collin moved back to my side, frowning slightly at me, before turning to Dex again. “We’ll be covered?”

“It should be fine,” Dex answered, his eyes skirting to me occasionally. “Just be careful. With the rain and cloud cover, there will be eyes everywhere. Keep your heads down.”

“I will.” He turned to me. “Are you ready?”

“Uh… yeah,” I responded, although it sounded more like a question. As we headed toward the door, I glanced back. “It was nice to meet you… Prin… uh… Dex.”

He smiled. “Likewise—I look forward to our next meeting.”

-

-

-

I shuffled quickly, trying to keep up with Collin’s long strides, but only managed to skid across the wet pavement. My companion glanced back occasionally and asked if I was okay, but he ultimately ignored my presence entirely. He stalked ahead of me, his gaze tearing across the area, his back muscles tense and rigid under his shirt, and he was sniffing the air like a dog. It was very disturbing, and yet, fascinating. Unfortunately, as I tried to watch his strange mannerisms, I ended up slipping again, this time landing on my backside.

Collin turned, smirking. “Are you normally this graceful?”

I glared at him, my cheeks flushed with embarrassment and agitation, and I tried to hoist myself up. However, my sneakers provided no traction, and I only succeeded in falling back down again. _Why me?_

“Do you need some help?” Before I could make another attempt to stand, Collin reached down, looped his hands under my arms and lifted me up. I was a mere feather in his palms, a simple butterfly. He picked me up, as if I weighed nothing at all. “Are you all right?”

I nodded, feeling less like an eighteen year old and more like a toddler who had fallen down.

“Good—let’s move.”

We hurried off the school property, and thankfully, I didn’t fall again. As we found our way to the sidewalk, I glanced across the street to the large park and shivered. Just yesterday, Jillian had convinced me to follow her into that dark, thick park; only one day prior she had tried to kill me. The dark shadows of the dense trees played with my mind, and for a second, I thought I could see something moving through their trunks. When I shook my head and looked again, the figure was gone.

We walked a few blocks in silence, and just when I wondered if we would walk forever, a black sedan pulled to the curb, and Collin gestured for me to follow. Una was behind the wheel, and she motioned for us to hurry, casting a judgmental eye in my direction.

“You’re late,” she commented, as I buckled my seatbelt. “I had assumed you and the human had been intercepted.”

“No, we weren’t,” Collin answered, a moderate level of hostility in his voice. “I had to get Bella from school, and then we had to see Dex.”

She hummed a response.

Sitting in the back of the car was reminiscent of the previous afternoon, and I cringed when I remembered the terrible, ugly car they had been driving. What had happened to it? The sedan we were in look relatively new, with the exception of a few dents. How had they been able to get it? Collin’s words about their clothes reverberated in my head, and I realized that the car was probably stolen. A knot formed in my stomach, and I anxiously looked around for police cruisers.

“What’s wrong?” Collin was frowning at me. “Are you all right?”

I did a quick weigh in on whether or not I should ask him if the car was stolen. If it wasn’t stolen, they would be horribly offended; if it was stolen, did I really want to know? Ultimately deciding that it didn’t matter, as long as we didn’t get pulled over, I shook my head and tried not to think about whether or not the vehicle belonged to them. 

We swerved through the back streets, taking care to stay off the main roads, and I was surprised when we pulled into a familiar parking lot.

“We’re going to the mall?” I frowned out the window, as the massive shopping center grew closer, but Collin and Una didn’t give me any kind of response. Why on earth would they take me to the mall? A part of me wondered if Collin had been so embarrassed by my appraisal of his clothes, he’d decided to bring me shopping with him. Of course, I knew he didn’t have any money, so the only way he would be able to get clothes would be to steal them. The knot in my stomach tightened at the same time Una stopped the car.

“I’ll call you when we’re ready,” Collin muttered to Una, who merely nodded and drove away. While I watched her and the possibly stolen car disappear around the corner, Collin called to me. “Come on, Bella. We’re expected.”

 _We’re expected? What? Who’s expecting us?_ Although I had many questions racing through my mind, I bit my tongue and followed behind him willingly. Maybe it was the way Una had stared at me—her icy glare running over me, before she jetted off—or maybe it was that I really didn’t have any other option. I severely doubted there would be any way to get back to school at that point.  Then again, I guess I could blame it on the rushing adrenaline, the pulsating excitement that accompanied Collin’s secretive world. _Yeah, that’s probably it._

I stared at my feet, as I followed behind him, glancing up every now and then to make sure he was still in front of me. Where was he taking me? Would it be another dank, underground lair? Or were we going to the food court? Prepared for the worst, I was surprised when we stopped outside my place of employment.

“Pages?” I jerked my head back, as Collin opened the door for me. Once we were in the store, I had to struggle to keep up with him again. “What are we doing—“

“Hello Bella,” a cheerful, familiar voice cut me off, and I looked up to see Nora staring at me expectantly. She was wearing her usual purple cardigan, black jeans, and a pretty blouse. There was something different about her, though. I couldn’t put my finger on it. Before I could respond, she turned her gaze to my companion and nodded. “Collin.”

“Nora,” he acknowledged. “She needs the third floor.”

_The third floor? The forbidden area? Why would I need that? How do Nora and Collin know each other? What’s going on?!_

“I figured as much,” Nora answered with a smile, but it wasn’t her normal optimistic, beaming smile. This one was stiff and tight. “Come on Bella—I’ll get you set up.”

I felt as though the wind had been knocked out of me, as I stared at them conversing with one another. When she tried to usher me to the staircase, I thrust my hands up and dug my heels into the wooden floor. “Wait a second—how do you two know each other?”

They both exchanged wary glances, seeming to debate silently on whether they should answer me or not. However, after a few seconds of the nonverbal dialogue, they both turned back to me.

“Nora is… um… uh… was a Walker,” Collin answered slowly, no doubt watching the shock washed over my features. “She separated from us about ten years ago.”

I turned to look at my boss, who was fidgeting nervously, and I realized what it was that was different about her. There were deep, bruise-like circles under her eyes, and she looked even paler than normal. Moreover, while I stared at her, I noticed that she wasn’t breathing. _No, it can’t be._ As I assessed her physical condition, a sick feeling spread from my stomach, affecting my arms and legs, which caused me to wobble. There was no way… she couldn’t… it was impossible… wasn’t it?

“You’re… a… vampire?” I took a moved away from Nora, my eyes widening with every step I took. The incident with Jillian had reawakened my senses, and I immediately noticed all the quirks that had eluded me for so long. Nora moved around Pages like a shadow, vanishing from one corner only to resurface somewhere else entirely. In addition, she was quiet… too quiet. How many times had she snuck up behind me? The surprised expressions on her and Collin’s faces confirmed my suspicions, and my skin began to crawl. The glorious numbness was washed away by a great big wave of searing, hot tendrils of pain. My knees buckled, and I crashed to the floor, whispering, “This isn’t happening.”

A pair of cold hands immediately found my shoulders, and the familiarity of that frigid touch made my body flush with agony. As I was lifted to my feet, Nora’s face came into my view. “Are you all right, Bella?”

While I stared into her brown eyes, trying to comprehend why Nora hadn’t tried to kill me, I noticed something incredibly strange. Around the edges of her irises, I could see something bubbling, oozing, and melting. With grim fascination, I watched, as the tips of her irises began to peel back and dissipate. The beginnings of a pair of blood red eyes were waiting below. _Contact lenses._ Instinctively, I pushed away from her, the memories of Jillian coming back to me, and I scurried across the floor. Had Collin brought me here for Nora to feed on?

“Bella, please,” Nora pleaded in anguish, and her frown deepened, as I pulled away from her extended hand. “I promise I won’t hurt you.”

She sounded sincere, but it didn’t matter.  The rapidly emerging color of her eyes told me a different story. _Red eyes… she feeds on humans… she doesn’t value human life._ I turned over my shoulder, fully intending on sprinting from the store, calling my mother, and quite possibly, leaving Jacksonville for good. However, Collin was standing behind me, a severe look in his eyes, which prevented me from going anywhere.

“Bella, you need to calm down,” he commanded and pointed at Nora. “She won’t hurt you.”

“Bu-bu-but her-her eyes,” I protested, the trembling of my body causing me to stammer. “They-they’re r-r-red.”

His frown deepened at my comment, and a look of confusion swept across his features. I instantly realized the mistake I had just made. The likelihood that Collin and his friends knew about vegetarian vampires was miniscule, which meant he wouldn’t know about golden eyes either. I desperately tried to come up with a way to fix what I had said, but all I could do was stand there, trembling and muttering unintelligible sounds.

Thankfully, he filled in the gaps on his own.

“Yes, Nora is a vampire,” Collin admitted, glancing back to my boss. Nora’s gaze was focused on the floor, and her expression was full of shame.  “However, she doesn’t hunt humans, as the rest of the parasites do. She only drinks blood that comes from the blood banks. We fetch her a few bags every month, or so, and in return, she gives us some of her venom.”

I frowned at his explanation, but although the idea of someone stealing from a blood bank seemed immoral, I was somewhat relieved. Still, the idea of a Walker being changed into a vampire was strange. If they fed on venom, how could they be turned? I was determined to find out.

“Listen, Bella, I have to go,” Collin said, breaking through my internal revelry. When his words hit me, I turned to face him fully, a confused expression on my face. Where was he going? Why did he have to leave? Was he really leaving me alone with a vampire? “I’ll be back in a few hours, but until then, stay with Nora. Got it?”

I glanced back at Nora, who was looking at everything but me. Although they’d assured me that she never fed on humans, I was still unsure. However, when her gaze finally met mine, she smiled warmly, and I nodded. I had worked with her one-on-one, before I knew she was a vampire, and she hadn’t tried to eat me. That had to count for something, right?

“All right,” Collin said, when I nodded, and he lightly touched my shoulder. “I’ll see you later.”

He was gone, before I could say goodbye, leaving me and my boss all alone. My nerves crept back into my body, as I turned and found Nora staring at me, and I wrapped my arms around my stomach. I would have been lying if I said that her situation—choosing not to feed from humans—hadn’t brought up memories from Washington. I fought against the reminders of my past, trying to distract myself and failing miserably. All the while, Nora was a motionless, silent statue.

“So-so,” I started, after pushing the searing pain into my stomach and straightening my posture. Although I tried to sound confident, I caught myself shivering, when I looked Nora in the eye. Her contacts had dissolved completely, and I was staring into her eyes—her blood-red eyes. “Wh-why did he bring me here?”

“For an education, of course,” Nora responded offhandedly, and she quickly moved to the staircase. While she didn’t move as quickly as Collin had, there was definitely an inhuman quality to her pace. I swallowed heavily, when she glanced over her shoulder and gestured for me to follow. “I won’t bite, Bella—I swear.”

I trailed behind her, and she thankfully didn’t rush up the stairs. We walked in silence, with the exception of our footsteps… and my obscenely loud heartbeat. My eyes widened as our path took us up the final flight of stairs, and I noted the black bars covering the doorway to the restricted section. I had never been up this far; it was an exciting moment for me. I felt like a child who was getting to stay up late for the first time, or a teenager who was getting her first taste of alcohol. As Nora opened the doors with a silver key, I swallowed heavily and braced myself.

Upon first glance, the third floor reminded me of a picture of an old library in ancient Greece I had seen once. There were old tomes, bound in aged, brown and black leather, lining the walls, and there was an old musky odor filling the air. The space felt old, otherworldly, and I suddenly felt the urge to close my eyes and bask in the scent. It felt like I was stepping through to another time, a different era, and it made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

“You can come in, Bella.” I opened my eyes and found Nora staring at me, a bemused expression on her face. “This space isn’t restricted to you anymore.”

I blushed and shuffled forward, and Nora picked up an old book and set it on a small work desk. The giant tome was almost as wide as the table. I watched her carefully, still confused about how she was a vampire, and without thinking, I spoke.

“What happened to you?” She looked up from what she was doing, and I felt a rush of nervousness hit me. “Collin said you were a Walker.”

“Yes,” she answered, smiling sadly. “I was born around two hundred years after Shiloh.”

My mouth gaped open at her revelation, and I shook my head in disbelief. “So… that would… make you…”

I couldn’t bring myself to say what age that would make her. It was too bizarre for me to speak it.

“Almost seven hundred,” Nora answered, laughing. “I know, I know—I’m old.”

Nora flitted across the room, picking out multiple books and placing them on the small work table, humming softly to herself. She seemed so human, so normal. However, according to her words, she had been born a Walker, like Dex and Shiloh. _Why then_ , I thought curiously, _is she so ordinary?_ Shiloh and Dex were antisocial and apathetic at best, so why wasn’t Nora the same way? I had ultimately assumed it had something to do with their age, but after being around Nora, maybe not.

“C-can I ask you something?” I moved closer to her, twiddling my fingers anxiously. When she agreed, I swallowed and continued. “If-if you’re around the same age as Sh-Shiloh… uh… why are you… so… um… normal?”

Nora crooked an eyebrow. “You mean, why don’t I act like I have a giant stick up my ass?”

Her derogatory remark surprised me, and my eyes widened in response.

“Every Walker is different, Bella,” Nora answered. “I’m sure Collin explained the different types of qualities the children of Walkers exude, right?” I shook my head, and she cursed under her breath. “Oh well, no matter. The children of Walkers, as with the children of humans, have certain personalities that shine through when they’re little. Shiloh was found to be a leader, and a strong one at that. “

I nodded; that I remembered.

“Me, on the other hand, I was born during, as I like to call it, the splicing era. Collin said you were quite informed on the subject of vampires. Is it safe to assume you know about the ones with special abilities?”

My stomach started to shudder, as I nodded.

“Good. Well, after a few encounters with leeches that could do more than kill us, Oren decided to investigate. He figured if he had been created by his mother drinking vampire venom, maybe he could create something even more powerful by choosing a leech with enhanced abilities.  So through bartering with the local parasites, he ultimately found a tiny, wild haired vampire with an ability to know if someone was telling the truth.  Although they were natural enemies, her childlike demeanor charmed him, and he allowed her to live.”

“So does Shiloh have a special ability?” I remembered each of my encounters with her, but I hadn’t seen anything extraordinary about Collin’s alpha, other than her amazing way of making me feel small and insignificant.

“Shiloh is… very unique,” Nora answered carefully, turning away from me and returning to the bookshelves. She grasped another tome and placed it on the table, before continuing. “She’s an enigma, really.”

“I don’t understand.” I moved closer, feeling my curiosity steadily rising. “How is she unique?”

She frowned. “Oren’s theory worked. Shiloh was born with the ability to compel people to tell the truth. She simply looks into their eyes, and they will tell her anything she wishes to know. It really helped during the interrogations in the fifteen hundreds.”

“Wow,” I answered, unconsciously thinking back to Edward, Alice, and Jasper. What would have happened if the Walkers had gotten ahold of their venom? True, Nora’s story had taken place before the births of the three vampires, but I couldn’t help but wonder. The tendrils of agonizing fire licked at the hole in my chest, and I tried to think of something that would curb the pain. As I looked back to Nora, she had a faraway look in her eyes, almost wistful.  

“That’s not all, though.” Nora interrupted my thoughts, which was a godsend. With the small distraction, I was able to chase away the memories of Edward and focus on her. “Shiloh was born with a natural shield, a way to prevent certain abilities from affecting her.”

“A shield.” Even as I spoke the words, I could see myself talking with Edward. He had been unable to hear my thoughts, and none of the Cullens could ever explain it. Was that why? Did all Walkers have a natural shielding ability? There was a thought in the corner of my mind, and without thinking, I asked, “Am I one of the shielded?”

She smiled. “Yes, you are, and it’s very frustrating.”

I smiled. “So are all the Walkers and receptors born with the shield?”

Nora blanched. “Not all of them. There were a handful of us who developed the shield, like Shiloh, but not many. It was almost like a quirk—a deviation, if you want to get scientific. However, those few were enough to generate a large amount of shielded receptors. That’s one of the reasons they’re so hard to track. There was a time, after the Purge, when the Walkers started actively looking for the receptors, but they soon realized that it was pointless. Even the most talented trackers couldn’t find them.”

There was that word again—the Purge. What was it? I needed to find out. “What’s the Purge?”

Her gaze darkened, and her red irises turned black. I had hit a nerve. “I’m not surprised that Collin kept that from you, Bella. It’s a very dark part of our history. The Purge is the name the Walkers have given to the massive slaughter of more than three quarters of our people that occurred in the seventeen hundreds.” I gasped in response to her answer. “A close friend of Shiloh and Oren betrayed us to the vampire lawmakers—the Volturi—and one night they came for us. Many of us escaped, but at a horrible cost. Children, expecting mothers, and many of our elders were slaughtered.”

A silence fell between us, as did a large amount of tension. I tried not to think of vampires falling upon and killing women and children, but the image was there nonetheless.

“How did you become a vampire?” Desperate to end the awkward silence, I asked the first question that came to me. Nora gave me a confused look, and I quickly added, “I mean, if the Walkers drink venom, how were you turned?”

She stopped what she was doing and pulled back her long sleeved cardigan. Her skin was pale and smooth, like a vampire’s should be, with one exception. There was a large portion of her bicep that was missing. It looked as if something had taken a bite out of her. “Ninety eight percent of a vampire’s fluids are not potent, with the exception of the kind found in their mouth. The venom secreted from the saliva glands is the only kind that will change someone.”

I nodded in understanding. “So if you’re bitten…”

“We change,” Nora answered, shrugging. “I consider myself lucky, though. The Walkers have a strict policy regarding those who are accidentally changed.” She pulled her thumb across her neck, simulating a decapitation. “It’s considered a mercy killing.”

“Why did they let you live?” I asked, but quickly realized what I had just said, and tried to amend it. “I mean, it’s good that they didn’t kill you. What I meant is wh-wh—“

“It’s all right, Bella,” Nora answered, smiling. “I understand. Shiloh was going to kill me, but she stopped. I like to think that, after all these years, she actually cares about me. Of course, she’ll never let you know. Shiloh isn’t exactly… emotional with her receptors.”

“So I’ve noticed,” I remarked, thinking back to the leader of the Walkers, with her strange style and marred face. “How did she get that scar?”

Nora’s face fell immediately, and many emotions flashed across her features. Hurt. Pain. Anger. Sadness. Whatever she was thinking of, it was something very painful. She turned away from me and shook her head. “I’m sorry, Bella—that’s something you should really ask Shiloh.”

I wasn’t sure why, but I wasn’t the least bit surprised by her response, but it still irritated me. Of course, the wound on Shiloh’s face was so savage looking; it was no doubt a painful story. Still, what made Nora and Collin so sure that I would talk to Shiloh? She was just so… intimidating.

“Don’t begrudge her rough exterior,” Nora interjected, and I turned to her. “Shiloh will welcome your questions. She wants you to approach her, Bella. She needs to see what you will do, how you will react to being a receptor.”

I sighed. “I don’t understand.”

“I know—you will in time.” Without saying anything more, she guided me to the table full of books, and she opened the largest tome to the first page. “I believe it’s best to start at the beginning.”

 


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

After reading the first page of one of the books Nora had pulled, I realized they were more than just books. Each and every one of the giant tomes contained a large amount of the Walkers’ history, dating back almost seven hundred years. Some were bound in leather, some in thick fabric clasped with intricate clasps and hinges made of a hard metal, probably steel or brass. They looked old, worn in a way that made it obvious that they had been used for years.

None of the ancient texts were in English, but luckily, Nora had translated everything into a smaller, condensed version, which I flipped through for reference. However, my inability to understand the language didn’t stop me from pouring over the ancient manuscripts with wide, intrigued eyes. The pages were made of a thick, hard material—too dense to be paper—that made a terrible crackling noise each time I turned one of them.

The first tome, which Nora had appropriately called “Genesis,” was large, crusty, and frankly, it was boring. The story of Oren and his mother Aednat had been so exciting when I had heard it from Collin. Reading it in text form made the tale seem dull. It felt as if I were reading a textbook, which all things considered, I guess I was. Still, as I read Nora’s translation, I just couldn’t get into the story anymore. I already knew everything there was to know: Aednat drank vampire venom, which turned Oren into the first Walker, and she was killed by the same vampire that helped her.

I sighed and leaned back in the chair I’d been sitting in for the last hour. My back was starting to bother me, so I stood up and paced the length of the third floor. Downstairs, I could hear people coming and leaving the store, as well as Nora chitchatting with the customers. 

As I made my way to the balcony, which overlooked the entire bottom floor, I peered over. Nora was flitting back and forth behind an elderly woman, pointing out books on travel and tourism. It was interesting to watch. Nora was a vampire; she fed on human blood. She didn’t have to kill anyone to get that blood, but it was human blood all the same. Still, the way she moved around the humans was effortless. I could easily see how I hadn’t realized she was a vampire.

I glanced behind me and noticed a small, white refrigerator nestled in a corner. It was strange. Why would Nora need a fridge up on the third floor? Why would she need a fridge in general? She didn’t eat or drink, and I was sure that running a bookstore didn’t require one. Without considering if I should or not, I crossed over and opened the door.

I froze.

The inside of the fridge was lined with bags of blood. Human blood. Nausea overwhelmed me, and I gripped the door to keep my balance when I started to sway. It was like a scene straight from a horror movie. The young victim stumbles into the monster’s den and discovers their horde of blood. Why on earth would Nora keep something like this in the store? I lowered my eyes and found my answer. Just below the bags were three huge jars of a clear liquid. I swallowed heavily, realizing what I was looking at.

_Nora’s venom._ She traded with the Walkers. Blood for venom. The fridge had to be where she stored it.

I jumped as I heard someone clear their throat behind me, and I turned to find Nora standing in the doorway. I felt ashamed for snooping through something I was obviously not meant to see, but she didn’t say anything. She merely closed the fridge, redirected me to the table, and insisted that I keep reading.

Not wanting to get into anymore trouble, I focused on the book, as well as the translated text that Nora had provided me, and I tried to dive back into it. Unfortunately, the dull quality of the subject made me tired, and I started suppressing yawns.  The last time I had been this bored, while studying, had been in Phoenix, when I had researched tax law for an assignment in my Government class. The material had been so dry and dull that I had actually fallen asleep in the library while researching it. As I stared down at  _The Third Treaty,_ I caught my vision starting to blur and my eyes starting to close, but I continued reading.

 

* * *

 

_Here follows the account of Oren, son of Aednat, and the choice to include those of the living realm._

_It is the decision of the counsel, that we, the hunters of the blood drinkers, ally ourselves with men that share our vision. We shall reveal our true nature to them in time—_

 

* * *

 

“Having fun?” Nora was standing in the doorway, her arms crosses, a smug look on her face. “You look like you’re on the verge of passing out.”

“No,” I answered quickly, not wanting to offend her. “I just… didn’t sleep well last night.”

I couldn’t lie to save my life, and I was pretty sure that Nora could tell.

She laughed and shook her head. “Calm down, Bella. I’d be horribly surprised if you weren’t bored by them.”

Her response shocked me, and I actually caught myself smiling. “Well… they do… read like textbooks.”

Nora sat across the table from me, and I noticed she had put a new pair of contact lenses in. Her eyes were back to the muddy brown I was used to. The idea of Nora being a vampire still bothered me a little bit, but nowhere near as much as before. When she smiled at me, I felt a little bit of the nervousness inside diminish.

“You think you have it bad?” Nora gestured to the converted texts. “Try translating all that from the ancient language to English.”

I scoffed. “You win.”

We sat there for a few seconds laughing, and I thoroughly enjoyed the light, airy feelings that surrounded me. I temporarily forgot everything that had landed me on the third floor with Nora and the ancient texts, and I just let myself relax a bit. There was something about my boss that made me feel better. She was such a wonderful person, easy to talk to, and always positive. I didn’t care that she was a vampire, or that she drank stolen blood from the blood bank. All that mattered was that she was my friend… and that she wouldn’t kill me.

I still found it odd that she conducted her… business transactions, if you could call it that, with the Walkers at the mall. Why didn’t she have a private residence for that kind of thing? Perhaps, like the Walkers, she didn’t have a home, just a hole in the ground.

A little after noon, Nora went to the food court and came back with lunch for me. When she pushed the sandwich, potato chips, and bottled water across the table to me, I was a little surprised by the sounds my stomach made. My hunger hadn’t been bothering me, but when she showed me the food, it crashed on me like a tidal wave. I quickly turned into a ravenous monster and devoured the entire thing. Nora snickered at me, but I didn’t care.

“Question?” I wiped the remnants of lunch from my mouth. “Why are they called the Walkers?”

While reading up on their history, I had wondered why they had chosen such a strange name for themselves. Was there some significance attached to it? A deeper meaning?

“Oh, that,” Nora responded offhandedly. “In the early days, humans believed that vampires could fly. Since we could do everything vampires could do, except levitate, the humans called us ‘Walking Vampires.’ Over time, it was shortened to the Walkers. Very strange, if you ask me, but it stuck, and we’ve been called that ever since.”

We sat around the third floor, talking and laughing, and I was able to learn a bit more about her. Nora had once been a very gifted Walker, and when she was changed to a vampire, those gifts had intensified. Like Shiloh, she had the capability of finding out the truth from anyone she interrogated. Where their abilities differed was in the manner which they received the information. While Shiloh could compel a person to spill their secrets verbally, Nora didn’t need them to. All she had to do was ask someone a question, and the truth would appear to her, almost like a movie. I couldn’t imagine what it was like, even when she described the way the images faded in an out, showing her exactly what she needed. It was just so… strange.

My stomach started to tighten, and I wondered what she had seen from me. I reminded myself that she had said I was shielded, like the rest of the receptors, but I was still nervous. “Have you… uh… well… with me…”

Thankfully, I didn’t need to finish my incoherent question. Nora shook her head and sighed. “You’re completely blank to me—it’s quite frustrating.”

I turned away, a rush of fire traveling through my abdomen, as I recalled the similar words that Ed—that  _he_  had spoken to me. While I fought with the memories, I felt a cool hand stroke my arm and I turned to find Nora staring at me. The sympathetic look in her eyes and her cautious frown made my insides twist.

She opened her mouth to say something, but thankfully, the shop door opened. A few girlish voices could be heard downstairs, whispering and giggling, and Nora hesitantly rose to her feet. The look on her face told me that she knew I wasn’t telling her something, but instead of pushing, she turned and descended the staircase. I let out a large breath of air when I heard her greet the customers below my feet, and I let my head fall into my hands. Judging by the way she’d looked at me, Nora was getting skeptical of my behavior, which was a bad thing. Unlike my mother, whom I had been around all my life and knew how she functioned, Nora was a mystery to me. Shutting her out had the possibility of being very difficult.

I returned to the tomes, and after a few minutes, once again, I was bored out of my mind—until I ran across something interesting. It was an announcement of impending marriage for Shiloh, or  _Aoife_  as she had once been called. It was strange, though. The groom’s name had been omitted, and the following three pages had been completely ripped out. I flipped through the rest, trying to see if someone had simply moved them to another part, but they were gone.  

“Is something wrong?” Nora had resurfaced, and she frowned at my distress. “What is it?”

“There are pages missing,” I insisted and pointed to the area in question, running my fingers over the ripped paper in the spine. “Here.”

Nora peered over the translated material, as well as the untranslated, and when her eyes fell on the missing sections, she growled. “ _Damnú ort, Shiloh!_ This is unforgivable!”

She stormed over to the books on the wall, and as she opened every one of them, she grew visibly angrier. Her voice was low and scathing, and she spoke in a language I couldn’t understand, at a decibel I could hardly hear. Whatever had happened to these books, it was clear that Nora didn’t approve.

After a minute straight, she stopped her tirade long enough for me to ask, “What’s wrong?”

“She removed pages from these books, practically destroyed a piece of the Walkers’ history,” she answered and fisted her hair tightly. “These are delicate manuscripts, and she treats them as if they’re magazines. She’s overstepped her bounds with me for the last time.”

“Who overstepped their bounds?”

We both turned to find Collin in the stairwell, a curious expression on his face. However, when he noticed the books Nora had pulled, his features hardened.

“Your  _ceannaire_  has gone too far this time!” Nora snarled and crossed the room to him, pointing at him with one of the massive tomes. I had never noticed it before, but my boss and Collin were very nearly the same height. He was a couple inches taller, but she could still look him in the eye. In that moment, at 5’4’’, I felt very short. “She had no right to do this, Collin!”

“It’s her history,” Collin answered nonchalantly, but as Nora hissed at his remark, his back arched and an unnatural sound came from his mouth. It was something in between a growl and a snarl, and it made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. The air became electrified, like someone had dropped a live wire on the floor, and I could feel its power running up and down my spine.  “Remember your place, Nora.”

“Perhaps you should remember yours,” she snapped, pointing a finger in his face. He flinched away from her hand momentarily, and Nora sneered. “I was walking this earth hundreds of years before your great grandparents were even conceived!”

“Watch it, you filthy parasit—“

“Collin. Enough.”

I recognized Shiloh’s soft, monotone voice immediately. She was standing in the doorway, a blank expression on her face. I hadn’t seen her arrive, nor had I heard the downstairs bell signify that someone had walked in the store. Shiloh moved like a ghost, a shadow. She was clad in all black, which played up the inhuman pigment of her skin, and although she looked passive, there was a ferocity to her that I had never seen before. Her eyes cut to me and narrowed before refocusing on Collin.

“Yes, that’s correct. Enough, Shiloh.” Nora pointed to the pile of books. “You’ve gone too far this time. These are priceless artifacts of our history, and you’ve soiled them!”

“ _My_  history,” Shiloh replied softly, looking somewhat bored with the conversation. However, despite her languid demeanor, Shiloh’s eyes stayed firmly locked on Nora. “Those books you speak of belong to me, Eleanora.”

“That doesn’t mean you have the right to omit the parts you don’t care for.” Nora pursed her lips and placed both her hands on Shiloh’s shoulders. “When will you learn that it wasn’t your fault?”

Shiloh’s eyes flashed, and in the blink of an eye, she was across the room. One by one, she carefully returned the books to their original places on the shelves, refusing to acknowledge Nora, who was demanding that she stop. When the final book had been shelved, Shiloh whispered something to Nora and disappeared downstairs.

I stood there, not sure where to look, confused. What had just happened?

“Well, that’s enough for today,” Nora said, her attention still fully invested in the destroyed manuscripts, and she gestured to the stairs. “Bella, I’ll see you for your shift later.”

“Nora—“ I felt I should say something, but I was at a loss for the words. Nora saved me the embarrassment, as she had so many times, and cut me off.

“Collin,” Nora called abruptly, gesturing to me in a strange manner. “You know what to do.”

He nodded, and I felt his hand rest on my shoulder. “Let’s go, Bella.”

I followed him to the stairs, turning once to offer a goodbye to my boss, which was not reciprocated. Realizing that I would be hearing no more from Nora, I trailed silently behind Collin, trying to decide what had just happened. I wasn’t sure who I should be more worried about—Nora or Shiloh, who was waiting at the bottom of the staircase.

When I spied the severe looking leader of the Walkers at the bottom of the stairs, my stomach flopped. She turned to me for a moment only, before redirecting her scrutiny to Collin.

“Well that could have gone a lot worse,” Collin commented, and a small, brief grin appeared on Shiloh’s face. It was gone before I could determine whether it had been there to begin with. “She was out of line, Shiloh.”

“She is your elder in every way that matters,” Shiloh responded, disapprovingly. “You must remember that.”

Collin pursed his lips, and for a moment he looked like he wanted to argue, but he merely nodded and remained silent.

“Bella.” My heart froze when Shiloh said my name, and I stuttered an awkward response. It was difficult to speak plainly with her staring at me like she was. She was just so… intimidating. “Are you well?”

_Am I well? What does that even mean? Should I be honest, or should I be polite? What do I say?_

“I… uh… I’m…”  _Speak Bella! Open your mouth and form words!_ “I’m… fine.”

It wasn’t the most eloquent sentiment, but it did the job. Shiloh nodded, and I breathed a sigh of relief when she vanished out the front of the store. How on earth could Collin and the others deal with her on a daily basis? If becoming a Walker meant I had to submit myself to Shiloh’s constant…er… well, I wasn’t sure what it was about her that unnerved me. The longer I thought about it, the more I realized that I had no reason to dislike her.

I had every reason to be afraid of her, though.

“Are you all right?” Collin touched my shoulder, and I turned to him. “I’m sorry. I know Shiloh can be… rather intimidating at times. She won’t hurt you, Bella. She just… isn’t used to being around humans.”

I fidgeted and glanced back at the doorway. “Why did she ask me if I’m well?”

Collin laughed as he escorted me out of the shop. “You’re so suspicious, Bella. Shiloh isn’t as subversive as you would believe. She just wanted to make sure you’re not losing your mind.”

I bit my bottom lip and remained silent, somewhat embarrassed, but it was short-lived. My companion was eager to know what I had learned from the tomes.

“So did you find them as boring as I did?” Collin asked and he laughed when I nodded. “Don’t feel bad, Bella. It was that way for all of us.”

While we walked through the mall, I watched Collin from the corner of my peripheral. To anyone who passed us, he probably resembled a regular high school, or maybe a college student. He looked normal, human, but I knew better. What I didn’t know was how old he really was. Would he tell me?

“Collin?” He stopped his questions and turned a curious eye to me. “How old are you?”

He laughed. It was a real, genuine laugh, and it almost made me break into a smile. “Why do you want to know?”

I shrugged. “Just curious, I guess.”

He sighed. “I was born in the early eighteen hundreds. So that puts me a little past two hundred, last time I checked anyway.”

I felt the air freeze in my throat, and I coughed a few times to get it moving again. True, he wasn’t as old as Shiloh, who was almost nine hundred, but Collin’s age still made me feel a little strange, especially considering how youthful he looked. It was the same feeling I’d had occasionally with the Cull… with  _them_ , and although it was painful, it made me feel… content.

Was that feeling normal? Probably not.

* * *

 

Una picked us up outside, pulling up in the same car as before, and I sat quietly in the backseat for the duration of the trip. It didn’t take long for us to return to Jackson High, and before I knew it, we were parked in front of the main building.

Collin guided me to the front of the school, and before I could question what we were doing, he led me into the principal’s office—Dex’s office.

Dex was hunched over his desk, with a pile of manila folders in front of him, which was exactly how we had left him hours earlier. Only this time, when he glanced up at us, he smiled softly.

“Back so soon?” He quirked an eyebrow at Collin. “Either she’s a fast reader, or something’s happened.”

“We had an issue,” Collin grumbled as he took two slips of paper from Dex. Hall passes? “Nora found out about the changes Shiloh made to the manuscripts.”

Dex shook his head and breathed out a heavy sigh. “And how did that go?”

“How do you think it went?” Collin responded sardonically. “Nora was beyond pissed, and Shiloh was…well, she was Shiloh, which irritated Nora even more.”

“I can imagine.” Dex turned to me. “Did you enjoy our history, Bella?”

I felt the spotlight land on my head, and my stomach immediately started to knot up. However, I managed to squeak a pathetic, “yes,” before I was practically rendered mute. Thankfully, Collin and Dex fell into a deep conversation, which didn’t require any input from me, and I was able to think.

Why had Shiloh decided to remove pages from the tomes? From what Nora had said, it was clear that those pages were vital to the Walkers’ history, but why? I knew they contained the details of Shiloh’s marriage to someone, but why would she want to remove them? Was she ashamed to have her name next to Dex’s? He was who she ended up with, after all, wasn’t he?

_Maybe there was someone else…someone she doesn’t want to remember…I can relate._

I avoided thinking about Forks and the ones I had left behind. It was just…easier. Was it the same for Shiloh? Had someone hurt her the same way Ed— _he_  had hurt me? I realized that I would never know. She wasn’t exactly forthcoming when it came to…anything. Then again, I hadn’t exactly made an effort, so I couldn’t judge her too harshly.

The rest of the school day passed uneventfully, and before I knew it, I was on my way to meet Renee. Collin was trailing silently behind me, and as we neared the front of the school, I grew a little apprehensive. The last thing I needed was for my mom to see me with Collin and start jumping to conclusions.

With that in mind, I turned around and held my hands up. “I think I can take it from here.”

He cocked his head. “Excuse me?”

“I don’t need an escort to my mother’s car,” I insisted and pointed to the parking lot behind me, where I could see Renee waiting. “Nothing’s going to happen to me from here to there. I can handle it.”

He exhaled heavily, clearly irritated. “You really have no idea how many leeches are on campus.”

I narrowed my eyes, curious. “How many?”

Collin offered me a smug grin, and he sarcastically said, “It doesn’t matter. You can handle it.”

I recoiled slightly from his arrogance, and although I had several insults I wanted to hurl at him, I simply turned around and marched across the parking lot. Although I was intrigued by Collin and the rest of the Walkers, he had an uncanny ability to irritate me like no one I’d ever met. A part of me briefly fantasized about becoming a Walker, just so I could wipe that smug, sarcastic smile off of his face. The thought of conquering Collin physically caused an uncontrollable smirk to appear on my face.

“Are you all right, Bella?” Renee looked concerned, when I climbed into her car. “You look like you’re hatching a plan to take over the world, or something.”

I tried to force the sinister smirk from my lips, but I only succeeded in laughing. “I’m fine, Mom.”

She muttered something, but I wasn’t paying attention. As I turned to glance out the window, I noticed that Collin was standing right where I had left him. Our eyes met momentarily, and I felt my entire body start to buzz. What was it about him? He irritated me so completely, but not in a manner that repelled me. Was that even possible? The only other time I had felt something similar was with Ed… with  _him_ , and I knew the way I felt about Collin was nowhere close to how I felt about  _him_.  What was it then?

The rest of the afternoon was spent hiding in my room, and once the clock hit five o’clock, I was out the door and on my way to Pages. I had assumed that I would be back on the third floor, but it was a regular shift. Instead of reading through the tomes, Nora had me helping customers and cleaning the store, which aggravated me. I still had so many questions to ask her.

Somewhere in between cleaning the Young Adult section and reorganizing the History section, I had started thinking about the Walkers and what it meant to become one of them. It was then that I realized that I had absolutely no idea how that would happen. Collin hadn’t given me much information about it, so all I had was speculation. Was it like being changed into a vampire? The only information I had about a vampire transformation was that it was initiated by a bite and was very painful. James had bitten my arm in the ballet studio, and almost immediately, I had been consumed by an overwhelming fire. I shuddered at the memory. Was it the same for the Walkers?

I decided to go to Nora with my questions, hoping she would shed some light on the subject for me. Of course, I also knew that any information Nora had might not help. She was a Pure Blood, not a receptor, and was born a Walker. But, maybe she had seen the process and could tell me what to expect.

My curiosity grew and grew, making me more impatient with the surge of customers that seemed to be endless. Thankfully, around eight o’clock, the store finally settled down, and I was able to talk to her. While we busied ourselves with checking in a new shipment into the store inventory, I asked, “Have you ever seen a receptor changed?”

“Yes—why do you ask?” She looked upset, disappointed, almost like she had hoped that I wouldn’t ask that question.

Her reaction confused me, but instead of dwelling on it, I pushed forward with my question. “Well, I was actually wondering if you could tell me what it’s like. Is it like being turned into a vampire?”

“No.” Nora’s features hardened, as she turned away from me. “It’s worse.”

I followed her, expecting her to elaborate, but she remained silent. So I pushed for more. “How is it worse?”

She sighed and shook her head, clearly frustrated, and her eyes flashed in my direction. “Why are you asking me this, Bella?”

I was so used to Nora’s cheery, sunny disposition, that this change disturbed me. My eyes found the ground as her frown deepened, and I started to fidget nervously. Perhaps discussing the Walkers was painful for her, since she obviously wasn’t considered one of them anymore. Was I out of line?

_You’re a receptor…obviously you want to know what’s going to happen to you… although, I’m not sure if I even want to become a Walker…what am I doing here, then?_

She must have sensed my discomfort, because her gaze softened, and she rested her hand on my shoulder. “I don’t mean to be cross with you, Bella. It’s just…I don’t approve of what Collin is doing with you.”

That wasn’t the response I was expecting. “What? What do you mean ‘doing with me’?”

She paused and glanced around the store before hurrying to the front and locking the door. When she returned, she said nothing and merely gestured for me to follow her into the back of the store. I hesitated briefly, not sure why she had locked the door, but meandered after her. She led me to the back office, and once we were away from the store, Nora sighed and asked me to sit down.

“There’s a reason why the changing of receptors is no longer practiced in the Swedish Colony. Not only is it very time consuming and draining for a Pure Blood, it’s very dangerous for the receptor.” She looked at me, her eyes darkening significantly . “If you want to know what it’s like, I will tell you. I was present for all the transformations Shiloh has attempted, so I know the procedure, but I don’t think you’ll like it.”

I swallowed a lump that had formed in my throat. “Is it painful?”

She nodded. “Very painful. Your entire body changes in a matter of days. In fact, within minutes of initiating the change, the worst of it begins. Do you think Una, Tobin, and Collin were simply born tall? During the transformation, the bones calcify and grow at a rapid pace, too quickly for the body to catch up. Unless they are broken in a specific order, they can kill you.”

Had I heard her correctly? A receptor’s bones had to be…broken? “Which bones? Which ones have to be broken?”

Nora held my gaze firmly and uttered the three words I was dreading. “All of them.”

“All?” My voice was little more than a trembling whisper, but Nora heard me and nodded. I tried to wrap my mind around what she was saying, but I couldn’t get past the breaking of bones. The memory of James breaking my leg made me shudder. I shook my head and pushed the memory away, refocusing on what was important at the moment. “Wh-what else? How does the change begin?”

Nora took a seat in the empty chair beside me. “A receptor must drink the blood from a Pure Walker. The blood sets off a chain reaction in the body. It consumes the receptor’s human blood and replicates itself. It hurts, Bella, a lot.”

“How long does it last? The change?”

“That depends,” Nora answered, shrugging. “Collin lasted about four days, while Una took less than two. Tobin was by far the longest. He finally came around after six days.”

I couldn’t imagine being in pain for that long, especially if the pain was anything like vampire venom. My fingers found the bite mark on my wrist, and my gut twisted, as I traced the outline James’s teeth had permanently placed on my skin. I wasn’t aware that Nora was watching me, until I lifted my eyes and found her staring.

“Where did you get that scar?” Her eyes were narrowed, but her voice wasn’t unkind. She sounded genuinely curious. “I’ve noticed it before, when you were putting books on the top shelves.” She knelt in front of me and started to reach for my hand. I instinctively jerked it back to my chest and lowered my eyes. “It’s all right, Bella. I won’t hurt you.”

I shook my head, tears welling in my eyes. “It’s not that…I just…can’t.”

Nora leaned back on her heels and smiled up at me. “All right. Well, if you ever need an ear, I’m here for you. I’m on your side, Bella, we all are. Shiloh, Collin… all of us. You’re not alone—not anymore.”

I was forced to look at her then, urged to tear my eyes away from the floor. Her gentle smile, calm demeanor and honest eyes touched me deeply, and I felt something inside me cave. The carefully constructed wall that surrounded me on a daily basis crumbled, and a bit of my heartbreak started to spill through.

“Th-they-they,” I stammered, as part of my secret threatened to reveal itself. My self-preservation worked quickly to repair the gap in my protective shell, all the while, trying to keep me from speaking. The desperate attempts to stop myself were only partially successful. “Th-they…lied to me…said they loved me…abandoned me.”

Nora’s frown deepened, and she touched my knee reassuringly. “Who?”

Before I could say any more, before I could utter the names that I had tucked away, the wall was back as strong as ever. My metaphorical shield went up, and I felt an overwhelming numbness spread through me. My expression steeled, and I muttered, “No one… important.”

“All right,” Nora hesitantly agreed, and she turned away from me. “So, do you have any more questions for me?”

The pain and anguish was pushed to my stomach, and I mentally flipped through everything Nora had told me. Although the change from human to Walker sounded excruciatingly painful—at that point, I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to be one of them—I wasn’t sure why it was no longer practiced. Nora had said that it was dangerous for the receptor, but why? My thoughts also went to the three receptors I had met: Collin, Una, and Tobin. They had obviously made it through the change with no problem. Where was the threat?

“I’m a little confused,” I said slowly, enunciating each word. Nora raised her eyebrow in curiosity. “Why is it considered dangerous to change a receptor? I mean, Shiloh was obviously successful each time she did it.”

Both Nora’s eyebrows shot up. “Who told you that?”

A sour feeling developed in my stomach, and I started to fidget. “Uh…well…no one told me, I just…assumed. Why?”

 “Bella, out of the thirty-two receptors that Shiloh has attempted to change—only three survived.”


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven

_Only three out of thirty-two… that’s less than ten percent… why didn’t he tell me… what chance do I have… why would Collin want me involved in all this… especially if it kills me…_

I stared out the windshield as I drove through the mildly wet streets of Jacksonville, squinting through the misty glass and switching on my wipers. The storm, which had been hanging around for the past few days, had finally decided to make its way north, leaving behind a wispy drizzle that clung to whatever it touched. I watched the windshield wipers smear the tiny dots, leaving a trail of dirty water, and I breathed a sigh of relief. The rain was finally on its way out.

It was difficult to feel happy for long, especially with Nora’s words echoing through my mind, and I beat the steering wheel in frustration. Why hadn’t Collin told me about the potential dangers of being turned into a Walker? Didn’t he care that I had a less than ten percent chance of becoming like him? Was it all some cruel joke?  Did he do this to every receptor he found?

I pulled into my mom’s driveway and locked the car, planning on spending the evening working on homework, but as I tried to make my way to the house, I stopped. A surge of energy ran up my spine, making me shiver, and I turned to the shrubs. It was dark outside, so I couldn’t see anything, but that didn’t deter me. Someone was there. I wasn’t sure how I knew, but I knew regardless.

“Hello?” I narrowed my eyes and clutched my bag when I heard a twig snap. “Is someone there?”

“Obviously.” A bored, masculine, somewhat sarcastic voice came from the bushes. Slowly, a figure rose from the foliage and walked toward me. In the dim porch light, I recognized him immediately. Tobin, the second tallest Walker among Collin’s pack… or whatever they called themselves. Tobin ran his hand through his hair, and I noticed a few drops of rainwater trail down his wrist. Why was he outside my house? Had he been waiting for me? His eyes narrowed, and his lips turned down in a disapproving frown. “Where have you been? The mall closed almost forty minutes ago.”

“Um… I… uh…” I was speechless. The last time I had seen Tobin he hadn’t exactly been excited by my presence. So why was he at my house? And moreover, why was he scolding me? “I’m sorry. I drive slower when it rains. It’s an old habit. Why are you here?”

The accusatory look on his face vanished, and he smiled broadly. “I was bored and looking for someone to entertain me, but everyone’s down in the Under Passage tonight, so I—“

“The Under Passage?” My ears perked up, and I tried to ignore the fact that I had cut Tobin off. “Collin said he doesn’t go down there.”

Tobin laughed. Like Collin, there was a natural roughness to it that made me want to smile. “None of us really care for the Under Passage. It’s a seedy place, ripe with untutored vampires. Don’t get me wrong, it’s prime hunting ground, but extraordinarily unsettling. It smells down there too.”

“So, they’re hunting tonight?” The concept of the Walkers actually hunting vampires and drinking their venom was still bizarre to me. I couldn’t deny that a part of me wanted to see them hunt, just as I had with Ed… with  _him_.

“Not tonight.” Tobin’s gaze darkened significantly. He looked displeased, almost disgusted, and when he spoke again, his voice was leveled with a hefty amount of revulsion. “Today is the beginning of Market Days.”

I took a step closer to him, noting the distinct change in his demeanor. His smile dropped to a frown, and his eyebrows pulled together tightly. Whatever these Market Days were, Tobin clearly didn’t approve. “What’s Market Days?”

“Exactly what it sounds like. The vampires host an underground market of sorts.  They buy and sell pretty much everything you can think of. Clothing, documents, rare animals, blood, slaves… everything.”

“Slaves?” I blanched at the concept of trafficking occurring below the city I lived in, but I was more disturbed when I wondered what kind of slaves they were. “Human… or vampire slaves?”

“Both.” He nodded gravely, running a hand through his hair and leaning against the side of the house.  With the street light illuminating his features, I could see the way he glanced up and down the street, almost as if he was expecting someone. Was he? “As long as the slavery of the humans is consensual, which it always is, we never interfere. The Vampire Lords are pretty strict about what happens down there anyway. There are rules about attacking slaves and errand runners.”

“What are errand runners?”

“Slaves of the Leech Lords,” he answered, and his words were laced with contempt. “They’re humans who buy and sell things during Market Days.”

I frowned. “Isn’t it dangerous for humans? Wouldn’t they be killed?”

Tobin shook his head somberly. “One of the Market rules protects them. It’s absolutely illegal to harm an errand runner.”

I scoffed. “Do they have some kind of police squad down there?”

The right side of his mouth pulled up in a smile. “Of course they do—it’s us. We patrol and keep everything in order. We buy and sell there as well. Walker blood is actually very sought after, and Shiloh offers a fair price.”

“You sell your  _blood_?” I couldn’t stop the look of horror from spreading across my face. Why on earth would the Walkers do something like that? What did the vampires have that they would need so desperately? Whatever it was, if they needed money so badly, why wouldn’t they just rob a bank? They had the strength and speed. “Why?”

“Every so often,” Tobin explained calmly, “we come across something we need. It’s not a common occurrence, but it has happened. There’s a leech down there that has the best collection of music I’ve ever seen. He drives a stiff bargain, though.”

I deadpanned. “You would sell your blood for music?”

He raised his eyebrow. “Of course not. What do you take me for? Una owes me, so she’s going to grab me a few items. The leech with the music only takes cash, which she somehow has.”

“So that’s it? The only reason they’re down there is to go shopping?”

He looked like he wanted to laugh at me, but thankfully, he didn’t. “No, Bella. The rest of them—Shiloh, Collin, Dex and Rix—are there strictly for the gossip.”

“Oh. What kind of gossip?”

“Right now, anything that pertains to you.” He gave me a pointed look when he said it, and I felt a sinking feeling in my gut. I asked why there would be gossip about me, to which he responded, “Collin broke the pact when he stopped that leech from killing you. As far as we know, none of the leeches know it happened. Una did a pretty good job with the remains, but we can’t be too careful.”

I wrapped my arms around myself, suddenly feeling exposed. “Well… thank you, I guess.”

“Don’t mention it,” he answered nonchalantly, as if these kinds of things happened all the time. Did they? “So, since everyone is otherwise occupied tonight, I decided to come over, introduce myself, and see what you were doing. I’m in the mood for an adventure of sorts.”

What was I doing? What had I been doing? I had decided to finish what homework I had, as well as try to get ahead in my classes. I was still struggling in a few of them, namely trigonometry. Frankly, after everything that I had learned from Nora that day, the concept of spending the rest of the evening doing something mundane sounded great, especially if it kept my thoughts away from Forks… and  _them_.

“I think I’m going to stay in and do homework tonight.” I couldn’t fight the apology that laced through my words.

“Sounds… domestic,” he remarked, shrugging. “I’m not picky, though. Lead on, Bella.”

I glanced back to the front door, realizing that my mother and Phil would both be waiting to pounce on me. The last thing I wanted was for them to see Tobin with me. There would be no living with them after that. I could almost hear the incessant barrage of questions.

_Where did you meet him? Why does he dress like that? Who is he? Why is he with you? Are you dating him? Do you really think it’s wise to get mixed up with someone so soon? He looks really old._

No. I had to keep the Walkers and my parents separated at all costs.  At least until I figured out what I planned to do. Seeing how I had a less than ten percent chance of surviving the change, was it better if I just called it quits? Was telling Collin and his friends to leave me alone the best option? I glanced back at Tobin, wondering if he had any answers about the twenty-nine receptors that hadn’t made it.  Knowing I couldn’t ask him right then and there, I decided to deal with my current situation.

“Listen, my parents can’t know about you guys,” I said, gesturing to my front door, and he stared at me with a look of confusion. “I just think it would be easier if they were oblivious to everything that’s going on. You know, with me being a receptor and all that.”

Tobin gave me a lopsided smile. “Are you going to sneak me through your window?”

My cheeks heated up a bit. I felt absolutely ridiculous. “I don’t think there’s another option at this point.”

He appraised me for a moment, laughing softly, before accepting my proposal. I explained which window was mine and waited until he had disappeared around the house before heading inside. My parents were curled up on the couch, and my mom waved at me as I headed toward my bedroom. I tried to look as nonchalant as possible, but I still practically dashed down the hallway.  In fact, I didn’t start to breathe again until my bedroom door was closed and locked.

“You’re unusually high-strung for a human.” I gasped and spun around, finding Tobin sitting on my chair with his boots—the same ones they all wore—propped up on my desk. My bedroom window was still open, the curtains billowing in a breeze, and I briefly wondered how he had fit himself through it. He was just so… huge; easily 6’7’’ with wide set shoulders that would make any football player envious. He smirked at my blustered demeanor. “Lighten up, Bella. Would it really be so terrible if your parents discovered me?”

I paused and considered that for a moment. What would have happened had Renee come in and discovered Tobin? She seemed upset when I had told her about Collin, so was it safe to assume that she didn’t approve of me having any male friends? Or had she gotten over it? It was obvious that she couldn’t expect me to never have any male acquaintances for the rest of my life, but that didn’t mean Renee wouldn’t bother me about it. Then again, it didn’t help that Tobin wasn’t as youthful looking as Collin. He could easily resemble someone in their early twenties.

_Oh yeah, like that would go well… “Hey Mom! This is Tobin! He and my friend Collin live underground, but I swear they’re good people.”_

I would be back in Forks before I could blink.

“I just think it’s better if they don’t know,” I answered, shrugging off my backpack and taking a seat on my bed. Keeping Renee and Phil at arm’s length had been my plan from the very beginning, and I intended to stick to it. The last thing I needed was to bring the supernatural world and my human world together. It just wouldn’t work in my favor. “It’s easier, I mean.”

“You’ll have to tell them eventually, Bella.” Tobin frowned, disapprovingly. “Don’t you think they’ll ask questions when you grow six or more inches over the course of a few nights?”

“If I even survive it,” I mumbled and froze automatically. I had forgotten that the Walkers had the same superhuman hearing as vampires, and he could hear anything I muttered or whispered just as easily as if I had shouted. Still, I wondered why I had suddenly felt ashamed over what I had said; it was the truth, after all.

Tobin’s eyes narrowed. Very slowly, he leaned toward me and laced his fingers together. “Who told you that you wouldn’t survive?”

I fidgeted under his steely gaze, and I wondered if I had said something wrong. Should I apologize?  _No… I need answers._ “Nora told me that only three out of thirty-two receptors have survived the change. That’s less than ten percent, Tobin.”

His frown deepened, and I wondered if Nora had intended that conversation to remain between the two of us. She hadn’t said anything, so how was I supposed to know? Would I lose my job over it? I felt my cheeks warm up, and I lowered my eyes, hoping Tobin wasn’t mad and that Nora wasn’t in trouble.

He was silent for a few seconds, and when he spoke, his voice was soft. “She told you the truth, Bella. It’s not something Shiloh is proud of, but it is something she has to live with nevertheless. The transformation was difficult for her during the first few years, mainly due to the fact that she didn’t have help. Dex and Nora weren’t skilled enough to assist her. Collin was her very first success.”

I lifted my head. Had all the unsuccessful transformations occurred before Collin and his friends? No. By the look on Tobin’s face, he had been privy to more than one of them. As he stared at his feet, he looked momentarily broken, grief-stricken, but when he raised his head, he looked fierce and determined.

“It is very dangerous though,” he continued in a cautious voice. “Make no mistake, Bella. There are several complications that may still arise.”

“What happened to them?” I asked, not knowing if I really wanted to hear his answer. “The ones who died.”

He sighed heavily, and through that sigh, I could hear all the pain and anguish associated with the passing of the twenty-nine receptors. Then it hit me; these weren’t random people they had plucked off the street. The Walkers had spent time with these receptors, gotten to know them, possibly laughed with them. They cared about the ones that had died.

 Was that why Shiloh was the way she was? Had the loss of so many potential receptors affected her, hollowed her? She seemed to have so many secrets that it was difficult to know for sure. I knew nothing about her.

That wasn’t entirely true; I knew a few things.

There was something strange in the way she looked at the others. I had noticed it but hadn’t really seen it for what it was. She listened to them, really listened. It wasn’t like a human listening to another human, when their attention was so easily claimed by outside influences. When Shiloh looked at Collin or the others, her attention was completely undivided. She was wholly invested in what they had to say to her. Even when she had looked at me earlier and asked me if I was okay, I had felt like the entire room had vanished. She had been waiting for my answer because it was the only thing that had mattered to her.

There had only been one other person who had looked at me like that. My stomach quivered as the memory of him threatened to appear, and I fought against it as hard as I could.

“Did you hear me?” Tobin was staring intently at me. I shook my head and apologized, thankful that his voice had managed to chase away the pain of my past. “I said that there were multiple reasons for their deaths, but all of them stemmed from the intensity of the change.”

“Oh.” I stared at my hands, wondering if I really wanted to have this conversation with Tobin. “Nora told me it’s very painful.”

He snorted, a sarcastic expression on his face. “That’s putting it mildly.”

“Do you regret it? Being changed, I mean.” My thoughts instinctively went back to the Cul… to  _them_ , and the regret that seemed to consume them. Well, not all of them. I pulled my focus away from  _them_ as the pain in my stomach began to rise. Having a meltdown in front of Tobin didn’t seem like a good idea.

When I looked at Tobin he was watching me carefully. “No.”

 “Really?” I could hear the quiver in my voice, and I wasn’t sure whether it was due to the flames that were licking at my insides or the way Tobin seemed to be tearing me apart with his eyes. To be honest, I wasn’t sure which was worse.  

“The transformation wasn’t about what I wanted, Bella. It’s about what’s best for Shiloh and the others. As a human, I was ineffectual. The only way I would be able to serve my  _ceannaire_  in the manner she deserved was to be changed. So I did it, and I will never regret it. Everything I do is for the benefit of the others. This is one aspect that separates us from the dead-head leeches. We’re not selfish creatures. We share everything, including our pain and suffering. I love my brothers, my sister, and my  _ceannaire_  with all my heart, and I would gladly forfeit my life for them.”

I wanted to understand what he was talking about, but that kind of devotion was alien to me.  _Well, not entirely alien._ Even after I found out that the Cull… that  _they_ wanted nothing to do with me, I still willingly kept their secret and preserved all my memories of them. Where Tobin and I differed was that the ones he protected and loved reciprocated his feelings; the ones I protected couldn’t care less about me.

It almost made me wonder why I even bothered.

My stomach started to roll, and I knew that a breakdown was imminent. I had to do something; I had to get my mind off the subject at hand, but how? What was the best way to distract myself? I turned my attention to Tobin, who was still watching me intently, and I made up my mind. It was stupid, reckless, and I was an idiot for even considering it, but I was also desperate. People always did crazy things when they were desperate, right?

“Do you want to get out of here?” My voice was uneasy, and I hoped he hadn’t noticed. When his intense expression melted into confusion, I shrugged and tried to be nonchalant. My voice was still quivering though, so it wasn’t very convincing. “You said something about an adventure, right?”

“Yes,” he answered, slowly emphasizing each aspect of the word, seeming nervous by my suggestion. “What did you have in mind?”

I turned away from him, so he wouldn’t see the flush that had dominated my face. “I don’t know—you probably know this area better than me.”

“That I do.” When I turned around, he was standing up. He looked thoughtful for a moment. “Well, my chivalric side isn’t completely dead. What kind of adventure would you prefer, Bella?”

It was my turn to look pensive, and I took a moment to pace back and forth in my room. What exactly did I want to do? The options seemed to be simultaneously vast and limited, which irritated me to no end.

There was the chance to see the Walkers’ lair again. Of course, I remembered the awful smell that had accompanied my last visit, and I quickly dismissed that notion. We could head to Pages, and I could read more on the Walkers and their history. I shook my head.  _No. Those books are boring, and besides, I’m sure Nora wouldn’t appreciate us breaking into her store._  We could wander around the city, see the sites and such.  _Now you’re a tourist?_

I was dancing around the obvious, avoiding something that was gnawing at the back of my mind. It was an idiotic idea, one that would only lead to trouble, which meant it was exactly what I wanted to do. Would Tobin agree?

“I… have a suggestion,” I said meekly, focusing intently on my feet. “Tobin, would you... uh… take me to the Under Passage?”

I wasn’t sure why I wanted to see it, especially since Tobin and Collin had both explained how awful and dangerous it was. In fact, there was a voice in the back of my mind practically screaming how terrible an idea it really was, considering the fact that I was human, but as usual, I wasn’t listening. There was an additional voice, one much louder than the first. The second voice rationalized that I had a right to see the Under Passage. If I was going to be part of the Walkers, then shouldn’t I experience what they experience on a daily basis? Shouldn’t I know what I was getting myself into?

“Why on earth would you want to go there?” Tobin was trying to keep his composure, but I could see that my request had bewildered him. His eyebrows were pulled together, and his frown was rapidly receding down his face. “You’re a human, Bella—it’s too risky.”

His assessment of my humanity irritated me. I hated being reminded of how inadequate I was, as if I needed a reminder to begin with.

As I stared at him, trying to find some way of convincing him, I remembered something that he had said. “But, errand runners are safe, right?”

There was a flicker of something behind his eyes, but it was gone before I could identify it. “You’re not an errand runner, Bella.”

I shrugged. “I could pretend to be.”

His gaze sharpened, and he shook his head. “The answer is no—this discussion is over. If you want to do something, I’m completely on board, but you’ll have to pick something else. I won’t take you down there.”

I flung myself on my bed and pouted. “So let me get this straight. I’m supposedly one of you—a receptor, or whatever it’s called—but I don’t get to experience what that means? How can I know what I’m getting myself into if you guys won’t show me? How can I learn to trust any of you if you keep me in the dark?”

He stared at me, mouth slightly ajar, and his expression was a mix of several emotions: shock, anger, and comprehension were just a few of them. He hadn’t expected me to say what I had, that much was certain. Tobin was silent for several seconds, and I started to wonder if he planned on staying silent for the rest of the night. I decided to start working on my homework, accepting that my one chance to learn more about the Walkers had come and gone, but as I bent down to retrieve my math book, he sighed heavily.

“Do you have something with a hood?” He asked, and I turned to face him. He looked exasperated, and yet, determined. “A sweater or something?”

His question caught me off guard, and I struggled to think. “Um… I think I do. Why?”

He crossed to my closet and thrust the doors open. I watched curiously as he tore through my clothes and pulled out a yellow hooded sweater. It was the one Ali— _she_ had given me over the summer. It was pale yellow, with a delicate design on the bottom. It was one of the rare incidents that she had bought me something I would wear on a regular basis. I didn’t have time to focus on the pain, because Tobin thrust the sweater at me and told me to put it on.

“Errand runners wear solid-color hoods during Market Days. Their color identifies their owner.”

“Oh.” I slipped the sweater on and pulled the hood over my head, trying to ignore the butterflies in my stomach. “Who has yellow?”

“One of the Southern lords.” He appraised my appearance while he spoke. “His name is Atticus, and he very rarely sends any of his servants to the Market. So it should be safe to wear his color.”

My body started buzzing with energy, and my heart began to beat a little faster. “All right. Atticus. Should I call him by his name if anyone asks me?”

He scoffed. “No one will speak to you. It’s forbidden, unless you are selling or buying something.”

My body relaxed a little. At least I didn’t have to try and maintain a conversation with anyone. Of course, the moment I remembered what exactly I was doing, I grew increasingly nervous again. I was actually going down to the Under Passage.

“What happens if I see Collin or the others?”  

“Duck your head,” he replied tersely. “They should be on the upper levels. You’ll be on the ground level, where the actual market is set up. Do not leave that area, do you understand, and stick to the square—it’s the area that is visible from all floors.  I’ll be keeping an eye on you from there.”

“All right.” I followed him to the window, and with every step I took, my heart started to beat faster and harder. “How long should we stay?”

“No longer than fifteen minutes,” he said, and he cut me off when I protested. Somehow, I didn’t feel like it was enough time to experience anything, but he disagreed with me. “Trust me, Bella—it’ll be more than sufficient.”

I wanted to argue, but something told me that if I pushed too far he wouldn’t let me go. So I bit my tongue.

Once we were outside, he shut the window behind us and led me down the street. I glanced around anxiously, expecting Renee or Phil to pop out and drag me back, but they didn’t. We were the only ones moving through the empty street, and slowly, my apprehension began to diminish, although it never completely went away. I took a deep breath as we rounded the corner at the end of the street, and I actually started to smile. It was the first time I’d ever snuck out of the house, and if I was being honest, it felt good.

“All right, this is a good stopping point.” Tobin looked down at me, and without warning, he bent down and scooped me up in his arms. I squirmed a bit and demanded to know what he was doing. He smirked at me. “No offense, Bella, but if we continue walking at your pace, we won’t get there for another two hours.”

I crossed my arms and pursed my lips, feeling like a child, but it did nothing to stop Tobin. He carefully placed his palm on the side of my head, cradling my skull, and asked me if I was ready. I timidly nodded, earning a smile from him, and then he took off.  If I had thought a vampire was fast, Tobin was something else. The entire world became a blur, rushing past me at an intense speed. My hair whipped to the side, my stomach churned, and not wanting to throw up on him… and me, I buried my face in his chest.

And then it was over. The air around me was no longer whooshing through my ears, and Tobin’s hand left the side of my head. My stomach was still groaning, though.

“Bella? Are you all right?” His voice was little more than a whisper. “Open your eyes.”

I took a deep breath, trying to clear my head and stop the nausea. It helped a bit, and I felt my strength return. Very slowly, I opened my eyes. The first thing I noticed was that his shirt was fisted in my hand tightly.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” I apologized immediately, and I tried to smooth out the wrinkles I had made.

“It’s all right, Bella. Calm down.” Tobin’s hand rested over mine, and he laughed. He very carefully set me on my feet, letting his arms linger around me for a few moments extra in case I fall. “Do you need a moment to compose yourself?”

I shook my head. “No—I’m fine.”

The truth was that I wasn’t fine. My hands were shaking like wet leaves, and I had an incessant pain in my stomach. In addition, I could feel a bit of sweat forming on the base of my neck. I was far from fine, but my determination to see the Under Passage was stronger. I wasn’t sure why, but I felt it was necessary. Then again, it could have been my desire to live in  _his_  world just a little longer.

Tobin led me into a grassy field, where a thick, metal door was positioned in the side of a hill. He opened it, and the hinges made a creaking noise as they swung out. A foul odor permeated from the entrance, and I took an involuntary step back. It was a horrific smell: Death, disease, filth, rot, and something sickly sweet. I covered my mouth, pushing down the rising bile in my throat, and stepped through the entrance.

“Remember,” Tobin said as he closed the door behind us. “Don’t speak to anyone. Just stand against a wall. No one will bother you.”

There was hardly any light in the tunnel except for the glow of the light bulbs hanging sporadically from the ceiling. The walls and floor were wet with moisture and the awful stench from the doorway was attached to everything. The longer we walked, the less potent it was, but it was still enough to make me want to vomit. As I stepped carefully, not wanting to slip and fall, I hugged my shoulders and tried to force my nervousness down.

Tobin led me through a series of twists and turns, and pretty soon, I could hear commotion echoing through the halls. With every step I took, I felt myself growing more and more anxious. There was no turning back. I was going through with it, no matter what.

“I have to leave you now.” Tobin stopped and turned to me, and I looked at him with a panicked expression. “Don’t worry, I’ll be watching you every step of the way.”

I swallowed heavily. “Where do I go?”

“Just keep walking straight,” he said, pointing down the tunnel where a bit of light was shining through. “This tunnel will take you straight to the market. I know it seems ridiculous to say, but Bella, don’t be scared.”

He was gone, vanished, and I was alone. I stared at the spot he had been standing in, and as soon as I realized he wasn’t coming back, I took a shaky step in the direction of the market. Then I took another. Each footstep echoed through the tunnel, and I cringed with every squeak my tennis shoes made. There was no way the vampires wouldn’t know I was coming.

There was a warm, yellow light up ahead, and I could see shadows dancing against the walls. They were moving playfully back and forth, and as I moved closer, they grew larger. After a few steps, they were practically swallowing me whole, and as I rounded the corner, I came to an abrupt stop.

I wasn’t sure what I had been expecting from the market, but what I saw definitely wasn’t it. Before me was a large, open area filled with several carts and tables. Each table had a vast assortment of items placed on them, as did the carts. There were people—I assumed they were vampires—moving from one table to the next, stopping to make idle chat with the sellers and each other. It reminded me of the flea market Renee and I had visited in California, during one of our road trips. Nothing appeared to be overtly supernatural.

“Will you move?” A raspy voice hissed, startling me, and I jumped to the side as a tall figure slithered by me. A vampire who looked to be in his mid-thirties glared down at me as he passed. “Damn errand runners… think they can do whatever they please.”

I was relieved that my disguise had fooled him, and I moved forward cautiously.

Tobin’s reassurance that it was forbidden for an errand runner to be harmed did little to quell my anxiety. I was a danger magnet, and for some reason, supernatural creatures liked to break the rules when it came to me. However, it didn’t escape my attention how the vampires seemed to hurry out of the way as I passed them. They threw me strange looks and moved as far from me as possible, as if they were afraid.  _I wonder if this Atticus guy is really feared around here… that might be why everyone is avoiding me._

I continued through the square, stopping to glance at what the shops had to offer. The vampire who sold the music, the one Tobin had told me about, was nowhere to be seen. Then again, I wasn’t entirely sure what he looked like. I assumed he had to have several CDs, and since none of the sellers had those, I figured it was safe to assume he wasn’t on the ground level. Instead, there were large quantities of blood, organs, and other disgusting items in jars. My stomach flipped as I noticed a medium sized container with writing on it that said, “Walker,” and I pulled the hood further down, trying to hide.

Moving away from the tables, I noticed a small stretch of wall against the north side of the square. It was painted bright yellow with a long white stripe across it. But, that wasn’t what drew my attention. What I was focused on were the three figures leaning against it, all of them clothed in a solid color hooded sweater.

_Errand runners._ My body reacted before I could stop it, and I found myself standing a few feet from them. One of them—a pale girl with a blue hood, who looked to be in her early twenties—waved me over.  _What’s the harm in it? Maybe I can find out some gossip that the Walkers can use._

My logic seemed infallible, despite the fact that a tiny voice in my head was warning me against it. The errand runners didn’t smile at me, but they didn’t look hostile either. In fact, there was hardly any emotion in their eyes. They looked like shells.

“I haven’t seen you before,” Blue Hood asked with a tiny bit of curious inflection. “Are you a new acquisition?”

_What should I say?_  “Um, yes.”

“Is this your first market?” Another girl, this one with a green hood, around my age, asked. I nodded, and she raised her eyebrows. “It shows.”

“Really?” I glanced around nervously, but no one seemed to be paying attention to us. It was as Tobin had predicted. “Am I doing something wrong?”

“No.” Green Hood shook her head. “It’s just the way you wandered around. I saw you come in, and when you didn’t come right over, I assumed it must be because you are new.”

“Oh.” I nodded and glanced from side-to-side, feeling a little awkward. “Okay.”

“Ugh, second level,” Blue Hood interjected with a high level of disgust. It was the first sign of emotion I had seen from any of them. She was pointing up toward the second floor, and when I turned, I saw what she was pointing at. “It’s  _her_.”

Even though she was about twenty feet above me, I immediately recognized her: Shiloh. Her hair was slicked back, exposing the scar on the side of her face, and as usual, she was wearing all black. She skimmed through the crowd idly, and I ducked my head as she turned in my direction. Not wanting to risk being spotted, I shifted back to the errand runners, hoping she hadn’t recognized me.

“I still can’t believe they’re allowed down here,” Blue Hood growled, crossing her arms across her chest. “If my master had his way, the alliance would be torn to bits.”

“Quiet,” Green Hood insisted, glancing back in Shiloh’s direction. “She’ll hear you.”

As I listened to them bicker, a hesitant thought came to mind. These girls had been errand runners for quite awhile, and they were obviously aware of the Walkers’ existence. Would they be able to answer my questions about Shiloh? Would they know anything of value? I glanced over my shoulder, and thankfully, the leader of the Walkers had disappeared.

“So-so, who was that?” I interrupted the girls’ conversation, and they both looked at me with raised eyebrows. “What is it?”

“You don’t know about the Walkers?” Green Hood narrowed her eyes. “The hunters of our kind?”

“N-no, I know about th-them,” I answered with a shrug. “I was just wondering… about… the one we just saw.”

“Oh. Her.” Blue Hood glanced from side to side. “She’s their leader. She’s some kind of pure blood freak, stronger and faster than the rest of them. She’s really old too.”

“Any idea how she got that scar?” I was trying for nonchalant, but I just sounded like a quivering mess. To be honest, I wasn’t exactly sure why I was asking the errand runners. It wasn’t like they would know the intimate details of Shiloh’s life.

“No one knows,” Green Hood answered and turned back to watch the market dwellers. “My master thinks she tangled with the wrong vampires, but he’s just speculating. Then again, I’m not sure I want to know.”

They fell silent after that, and my shoulders sagged in disappointment. I hadn’t been sure what to expect from them, but I had definitely wanted a bit more than that.  _Oh well—I tried._

I wasn’t sure how long I had been in the market, but it definitely felt longer than fifteen minutes. Was Tobin waiting for me? I glanced around and couldn’t see him on the ground floor or the second level. A knot formed in my stomach, and I wondered if something had happened to him. Would I be able to find my way home? Was it safe? My heart started to beat a little faster, and I made the decision to leave on my own accord. I said goodbye to the other errand runners and moved forward.

My eyes were glued to my feet, as I was trying not to make eye contact with anyone, which turned out to be a bad idea. I ran head first into something extremely hard, and when I looked up, there was an angry looking vampire standing above me. His eyes weren’t bright red; his eyes were near black. I remembered how the Cull…  _their_ eyes had turned that color when they were… hungry.  _Oh no._

“I be-beg you-you’re pardon,” I stammered and tried to move around him, but he blocked my path. “Excuse me?”

“Not so fast, Errand Runner,” he growled, and his hand curled around my bicep. When his fingers clenched around my arm, it felt like I was stuck in a vice, and his grip cut off a bit of circulation. He sneered as he sniffed my hair. “I don’t recall seeing you around here before.”

I lowered my head, not wanting him to see my terrified expression, and whispered, “I’m a new acquisition.”

“Oh. So I see.” He still didn’t let go of my arm. “How new?”

Tobin’s words came back to me, reminding me that Errand Runners had a certain amount of power in the market. If anything, my disguise put me above the vampire holding onto me. If I was going to get out of there alive, I realized that I would have to act the part I had dressed as.

I sucked in a deep breath, cleared my face of all expression—a difficult task since I was terrified beyond the capacity of rational thought—and looked up at him. He looked to be in his late twenties, brown hair, and the typical vampire skin tone. He was wearing torn jeans, sneakers, and a Rolling Stones shirt. More importantly, there was a spark of something in his eyes. Was it fear, nervousness, or was it suspicion?

“Take your hands off me,” I stated firmly, putting as much force behind my words as possible. “My master will not take kindly to you putting your hands on his property.”

He blinked a few times, and then he started laughing. “You don’t belong to anyone.”

I was taken aback by his comment, and I felt a gnawing pain in my stomach. “I beg your pardon?”

His back hunched, and although he let go of my arm, he started moving toward me at a slow, deliberate pace. He looked like a lion stalking its… prey.  _Oh no._ “I said you don’t belong to anyone.”

My heart was racing, and I could feel sweat forming at the base of my neck. “What makes you say that?”

He stopped and his lips pulled up into the most sinister smile I had ever seen. My blood ran cold and I started to shiver. “I can smell the fear on you.”

In the blink of an eye, he had moved forward and gripped me around the throat, preventing me from screaming or making any kind of noise. He pulled me to the side of the ground level, out of view from the second floor, away from anyone who could save me.

Hanging limply, I tried to find the memories I had tried so hard to suppress, but the only image I could conjure up was of Tobin. I could see the look on his face when he had told me about all the receptors they had lost. He looked heartbroken, grief-stricken, an empty shell. Would he respond the same way if it was me? What about Collin? Did he feel the same way? Would my death shatter the Walkers as the others had?

For some foreign reason, I grew angry… at everything. The rage that boiled inside of me knew no bounds. I was angry that my mother had remarried, which had caused me to go to Forks. I was furious that I had discovered that vampires existed. I was livid that James had used my mother against me in his sick and twisted game. I was enraged that I had runaway to Florida, but more importantly, I was absolutely furious that once again, I was going to let a supernatural creature decide my fate.

_Enough!_ Instinct took over, and I reached up and wrapped my fingers around the vampire’s wrist. I wasn’t sure what I planned to do, but all I knew was that I wouldn’t go down without a fight. I reached down inside of my being, and I pulled up every ounce of physical, mental, and emotional strength I had. From the deepest corners of my heart, I pulled all the love I had had for the Cullens and Edward—I thought of them, regardless of the pain it caused me—from the dark recesses of my mind, I focused all my attention on the hand wrapped around my throat, and with my body, I used every bit of my physical prowess.  My hands tightened around his wrists, and with the accumulation of my strength, I pulled with all my might.  That was when things got really interesting.

 


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve

The vampire doubled back, gripping his wrist and howling in what sounded like pain. He was in pain? How could that be? What had I done to him?

_Who cares what you did to him? Run!_ I shook my head as the voice screamed in my head, and without so much as second glance, I turned and bolted. I really had no clue why I was running. If the vampire wanted to catch me, he would. In three steps, he could snag me and kill me. In fact, he could probably skip all the way and still catch me before I got to the exit. Regardless, I put my head down and pushed as hard as I could.

I was so focused on putting as much distance between my and attacker and me that I almost didn’t realize that there was something different in the way I ran. The air was whooshing past me in loud torrents, and when I turned my head to the side, trying to see if I could spot Tobin on the second floor, all I could see was a blur of colors and figures. The vampires and the market tables were moving together in a strange, twisted mass. There was no distinction. It slowly dawned on me that I was different. I was running faster than normal, much faster—inhumanly faster.

It was short-lived though. As I passed the opening of a tunnel, a hand reached out and grabbed me. I gasped as my vampire assailant growled and threw me against a wall, and my tiny frame crumpled to the ground. The pain reverberated through my entire body, starting at the small of my back and radiating outward. I coughed and choked, all the air having been knocked out of me. More importantly, all the energy seemed to flee from my body as a pair of dirty, brown work boots stopped in front of me.

“Get up, _Walker_!” The vampire snarled, and when I didn’t comply, he grabbed me by my throat and lifted me off my feet. I struggled against his grip and attempted to repeat what I had done to him earlier, but I discovered that I had no strength left. Moreover, the throbbing pain in my back made any form of movement almost impossible. “Did you think masquerading as an errand runner would make your hunting more fun? Huh? We’re just sport for you and your kind, aren’t we?”

“I-I’m n-not.” I coughed and tried to find the right words, but they died moments before they left my lips. My heart was hammering in my chest, and I was sweating profusely. What was wrong with me?

“I don’t care if it’s against the rules.” He released me, and I dropped to floor with a painful thump. My legs refused to work, and all I could do was stare up at him with a look of sheer terror. Why had I thought coming down here would be a good idea? My body seized when his gaze went from angry to malevolent, and I swallowed.   “One less of your kind will be a blessing.”

_Edward, I love you._

His right hand lifted into the air, his blood red eyes locked on my face, and his body practically radiated pure hatred. The next few seconds hung in the air, my life dangling in the balance, and then the world crashed down on me… metaphorically.

A large form dropped from the ceiling, sending the vampire hurdling backward, and I recognized the boots on his feet. _Tobin._ But, the man that stood between me and certain death was not the same Tobin I had come here with. The figure in front of me was crouched on the floor, and an otherworldly snarl came from his lips. He sounded like a feral animal that was ready for a fight, and the vampire, back on his feet and angrier than before, was more than willing.

“You’re both in a lot of trouble,” the vampire answered, laughing maniacally, his eyes cutting to me. I was still cowering on the ground, my body fully inflamed by a sharp, twisting pain that had centralized in my lower back. I couldn’t move, and he knew it. “I’ll be more than willing to overlook this for a little… taste.”

Tobin’s only answer was a low, grumbling noise, which didn’t sound like he was up for giving the vampire anything.

The vampire scoffed. “You would refuse an offer of help? How high and mighty you _Walkers_ think you are! You’re nothing but a pack of has-beens, relics of an older time long forgotten. You have no place—“

That was the moment Tobin chose to strike. With an effortless grace, he sprang through the air, turning slightly to avoid the vampire’s defensive swipe, and connected with his victim’s torso. The entire exchange took less than five seconds, and when their bodies finally stopped moving, Tobin had the vampire pinned to the floor. The Walker was smiling down at him.

“A taste? Is that truly what you want?” Tobin’s voice was firm, but it was laced with condescension and sarcasm. He was mocking the vampire below him. The creature struggled, but Tobin held firm. “I would so love a taste, my friend.”

“You can’t—”  Tobin’s hand shot up, and he covered the vampire’s mouth.

“I can, and I will. Perhaps you should have specified what _kind_ of taste,” Tobin seethed, a dark smile etched across his face. Gone was the playful, somewhat sarcastic Walker that had led me to the Under Passage. The man in front of me was a predator—cold and calculating. I shivered as he lowered his face to the vampire’s. Would he kill him now? In front of me? “You see that girl you attacked? She’s a human—not a Walker.” The vampire’s eyes cut to mine, and I noticed that his expression changed drastically. He was no longer a vicious creature; he was terrified. “And the law says that any leech who attacks a human outside of _Fuil Aimsir_ is ours.”

I hadn’t even been aware that _Fuil Aimsir_ had ended. Then again, I didn’t know when it started either.

“Wait,” the creature pleaded, but Tobin didn’t stop. I watched in stupefied horror as he lurched forward and bit the side of the vampire’s neck. A gurgling, pained sound came from his mouth, and his legs twitched as Tobin fed on him. The small alcove filled with a sickly sweet stench, one that I instantly recognized. It was the same odor that I had smelled from Collin on my first day of school. Una had the same smell attached to her clothing. It was vampire venom.

Half a minute went by, and the twitching vampire finally ceased all movement. A little while after, Tobin rose off the ground and wiped his mouth with his sleeve. He took several deep, even breaths, and he closed his eyes. He then took out something small from his pocket and dropped it on the body at his feet. I gasped, realizing it was a lighter, and watched as the vampire’s corpse erupted in flames. My memories of James came back with frightening clarity. Although I had been in and out of consciousness, I remembered watching his body being burned. It had gone up in flames easily, almost as if it had been covered in gasoline. Over the summer, Carlisle had told me that vampire venom was extremely flammable, and that Emmett and Jasper had torn James to shreds before burning him.

Unfortunately, remembering James brought down the walls I had constructed to contain my memories of _him_ and his family. His face burst into my mind, and the hole in my chest tore open. I cried out softly and wrapped both arms around my torso, trying to hold my very being together. Someone whispered my name, but I couldn’t answer them; I was gone, consumed by my past.

_Edward…why? Alice…why? Why did you leave me? Why did you lie to me? Was it all fun and games? Is this what you do? Are you really cruel and heartless?_

“Bella?” It was Tobin. His voice was cautious. “I hate to interrupt your meltdown, but I’m afraid we have company.”

It took the last remnants of my strength to look, and I gasped at what I saw. There were five vampires surrounding us, each one of them was staring at the smoldering pile of ash in disgust and shock. When their eyes found us, their expressions changed at the same time. Their eyebrows pulled tightly together, and they hissed at us.  I looked to Tobin for some reassurance, but his back was to me and I couldn’t see if he was scared or not.

One of the creatures stepped forward and narrowed his eyes at Tobin. He was shorter than the Walker, but he had broad shoulders and a firm build.  “What happened here?”

Tobin laughed derisively and shrugged. “I don’t believe that is your concern.”

“I think it is.” The other vampires moved in closer, as the broad shouldered vampire took a step toward Tobin. “Perhaps we can convince you to speak.”

Like before, Tobin’s reaction was immediate. He threw himself into the crowd of vampires, and the group became a swarm of movement. They reminded me of a disturbed bees’ nest, with three of the vampires circling the fight that had taken root at the heart of their cluster. Tobin had one of the largest vampires by the neck, and his teeth sunk deep in the creature’s skin. Agonizing cries came from his mouth, but regardless of how he twisted and turned, Tobin held on.

Another vampire, not quite as large as the one Tobin was wrestling but still imposing, started toward him. My eyes widened, but in spite of how loud I screamed, Tobin was too sidetracked to be alerted to the predator behind him. The memory of how I had fended off the vampire that had attacked me earlier gave me hope. I struggled to my feet, a sharp pain shooting through each of my legs, and I was forced to hang onto the wall for support. How on earth was I going to stop a creature of unlimited strength when I could hardly stand up?

_I have to try. He saved my life._

Staggering forward, I managed to place myself in between Tobin and the other vampire. He gave me a look of surprise but sneered in contempt and continued to move forward. When he was within arms’ reach, I swallowed all my fear, all my nerves, and pushed his chest with all my might… but he didn’t move an inch.

_Oh. Crap._

The vampire laughed at me, a tiny bit of pity in his eyes, before he pushed me out of the way. He spared no strength in doing so, and the small, typically meaningless action sent me flying back into the wall. This time, a stiff pain shot up my left arm, and I cried out. It didn’t feel broken, but my arm was definitely injured.

A sharp keening tore through the struggling, and I looked up in horror. I expected to see the vampires ripping Tobin to pieces, but it was quite the opposite. The vampire who had attacked me was lying on the ground, both hands ripped clean off. I had completely missed Tobin’s attack, but I was hardly rueful about it. I was relieved that he was all right. No; I was more than relieved. Seeing him standing above the vampires, unharmed, filled my chest with a warm sensation. Any sign of my previous wound was alleviated, as if Tobin’s wellbeing was a balm for my own suffering. _Weird._

Tobin beheaded the last vampire, and he quickly stalked over to me. He jerked me up by my right arm and glared at me. “What the hell are you trying to do? Get yourself killed?”

I blinked a few times and shook my head. “I thought…”

“You thought what?” He glowered at me, but there was hint of panic in his gaze. “You thought that since you discovered you can run fast, you’re able to take on a leech singlehandedly? You could have gotten yourself killed, Bella! Is that what you want? If it is, I can help you out with that! It would make things a hell of a lot easier on the rest of us!”

I reeled back, feeling as though he had slapped me in the face. His words had cut me deep, and I was too busy trying to keep my emotional wounds from bleeding out to form an adequate response.  I just let my eyes drop and kept my mouth shut. Was that how he really saw me? Was I nothing but an inconvenience to them? Did the rest of them feel the same way?

Tobin breathed heavily, and he ran a hand through his hair. “Look, let’s just get out of here, all right? We’ve already attracted too much attention.”

He started toward the main market area, and I tried to follow him, but the moment I placed my weight on my legs, I collapsed. _Please no… I can’t take anymore… come on legs, do me this one favor… please!_ I tried again, but the same result occurred. My cheeks reddened as I rose off the ground only to fall back down again. Tears pooled in my eyes, but I still kept trying. A pair of familiar boots appeared in front of me, and I hesitantly lifted my eyes. Tobin was staring down at me, looking both concerned and put out. Without saying anything, he reached down, curled his fingers around my bicep and hurled me to my feet. My legs screamed at me, but I tried to ignore them and stumbled as Tobin dragged me through the space.

“Are you all right?” His voice was emotionless. “Are you badly hurt?”

“I don’t know,” I answered truthfully, my embarrassment hurting more than my legs. “I can hardly walk—I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I feel  sore.”

It was true. Although I had been tossed around like a ragdoll, the pain I felt was different. It didn’t feel like broken bones or bruises; it felt like all my muscles were sore. My body felt like I had just run six marathons in a row. How could that be?

“You’ve overexerted yourself, Bella,” Tobin growled, bringing his mouth close to my ear. His whisper made my entire body quake. “The moment you turned eighteen, you inherited a taste of the speed and strength Walkers possess, but your human body can’t tolerate you using them like you did.”

I stammered for a second before finding my voice. “When were any of you going to tell me?”

“It’s not until later in your training.” He stopped and pulled me against a wall, finally turning to look at me. He had a pleading look in his eyes. “You can’t do anything like that again, Bella. Not without training. You can seriously injure yourself. Promise me you won’t do that again until you’re turned.”

The conviction and desperation in his voice shocked me, and I nodded almost immediately. “I promise.”

He released me, appeased. “Thank you. Now, we should really leave before—“

“Before you’re discovered?” A familiar voice cut off Tobin, and he cringed as a tall figure appeared. He was shorter than Tobin by a few inches, and his hair was golden blond and fell just past his ears. His eyes were brown, and at that moment, they were fixed on Tobin with a mixed look of displeasure and humor. “Why are you here, Tobin?”

“It is obvious, isn’t it?” another voice, this one achingly feminine and familiar, asked. Una was smiling at Tobin, but the moment her eyes found me, she grew angry. “What have you done, Tobin?”

“We should move,” the blond man suggested, his gaze lingering on me for a second or two. “We are gathering the attention of those around us.”

Una, still glaring daggers at Tobin, spun around and headed toward the exit, the blond man moving quietly behind her. His hands were clasped behind his back, and he moved very elegantly through the space. He looked so out of place. Like a million dollar tapestry in the middle of a sewer. Who was he, and how did he know the Walkers?

“Come on.” Tobin’s voice was firm, but instead of wrapping his arm around my bicep to help me walk, he gently placed his arm around my waist. The contact thrilled me, and I found myself leaning on him as I limped through the market. “I’m sorry about this, Bella. I really am.”

“Sorry about what?” When he didn’t answer me, I turned away from him and focused on where I was going. That was when I saw her. Across the busy market square, Shiloh was watching us. Although she had her usual blank expression, there was a new ferocity behind her eyes, and I knew it was meant for us. “We’re in trouble, aren’t we?”

“You have no idea,” Tobin said lowly, and when I turned to him with nervous eyes, he shook his head. “You’ll be all right, Bella.”

Even with me hobbling, it took less than a minute for us to reach Shiloh. When we did, she said nothing. She turned around and led us out of the Under Passage, through a series of unfamiliar tunnels, and up to the surface. When the fresh air hit my lungs, I took a series of deep breaths, feeling relieved that I was safe. However, I realized that I was still in the presence of Shiloh, and all that relief dissolved.

She stood silently before us, and one-by-one, the rest of the Walkers joined us. Una and the blond man were already standing a few yards away when we came out of the Under Passage. She was still fuming, while the blond man looked ponderously at the lights of the city. From the west, I heard a series of noises, almost like wolves but not as melodic, and moments later, Collin and Dex appeared. I internally groaned as Collin noticed my presence, and his face hardened.

What was going to happen? Would Tobin be punished? A sick feeling twisted my stomach when I thought of him getting in trouble for something I had pressured him to do. “Shiloh, it was my fault.” She stopped and focused on me, and I fought the nerves that were threatening to overtake me. “I convinced Tobin to take me to the Under Passage. He told me it was dangerous, and I pushed him into it. Please, if you need someone to be mad at, be mad at me.”

Shiloh’s lips parted slightly, and she took a step in my direction. I tensed, wondering what kind of punishment I would receive. Would it be painful? Would she forbid me from becoming a Walker? Would she kill me for putting Tobin in danger? When she was less than five feet away, Tobin moved in front of me and spoke at a hurried pace, in a language I couldn’t understand. He kept repeating the same phrase again and again, and the other Walkers looked slightly shocked. I wished I knew what he was saying.

After a few seconds, Shiloh raised her hand, silencing Tobin. Without tearing her eyes from him, she said, “Una, escort Bella home.”

Without hesitating, Una grabbed my wrist and pulled me. I fell in step behind her, and I tried to look back to see what was happening, but she kept me from doing so. She looked positively livid, and I assumed she was upset with me. What was her problem anyway? Ever since I had been brought into their lives, she had acted as if I was some form of annoyance. Frankly, she reminded me of Rosa—she reminded me of _his_ sister. Then again, at that moment, I was certain she had every right to be angry with me.

We had been walking for fifteen minutes when a loud, wailing cry echoed through the area. I gasped and tried to turn, but once again, Una stopped me. Her expression was pained, and she looked like she was on the verge of tears.

“Una? What’s going on?” She didn’t answer, and she refused to look at me. A horrible thought cut through me. “Is Tobin being punished?”

She scoffed. “Of course he is.”

I stopped, and this time, Una didn’t resist. “Why on earth is he being punished? Una, it was _my_ fault! If anyone should be punished, it’s me! Why is Shiloh doing this to Tobin?”

“Because he asked for it!” Una snarled, and she regarded me with furious eyes. “You would never have survived the punishment of a _ceannaire_ , Bella. In case you have forgotten, you are a human! You are not one of us! Tobin asked to receive his punishment and yours. Do you understand now?”

I was breathless as Una’s words ricocheted within me. Tobin had willingly taken my punishment. “Why would he do that?”

She shrugged. “Your guess is as good as mine. It’s strange considering he took you down there as bait.”

“I asked him to take me down there.”

She sneered. “That just proves how little you know of us. Tobin would have brought you to the Under Passage whether you had asked him to or not.”

My eyebrows pulled together, and I raised my head to look at her. “What do you mean?”

She gave me a derisive laugh and shook her head, but there was a hint of emotion in her voice, a touch of sadness. “Did Tobin tell you that we were in the Under Passage tonight?” I nodded. “And, did he tell you why he wasn’t with us?”

I thought for a moment and realized that he had never told me why he wasn’t with them. He had only said that he was bored. Why wasn’t he with them? I couldn’t believe that I had never thought to ask him that. There was something in the way Una had asked me if Tobin had told me why he wasn’t with them, but I couldn’t really interpret it.

“He wasn’t with us,” Una continued, “because he is forbidden from going into the Under Passage.”

“Forbidden?” I was positive that Tobin had never told me that. “Why?”

She sighed, almost as if she was regretting something. Did she feel bad for opening up to me about Tobin? “Tobin hates vampires, Bella, and with good reason. His entire family was brutally massacred by a group of nomadic leeches. When he was first turned, he went on killing sprees. He slaughtered vampires by the dozens, and he did so with a smile. He has gotten better throughout the years, but that anger, that hatred is still there.”

I silently pondered what Una had told me. Tobin hated vampires because of what had happened to his family. That much I understood. What I still didn’t understand was why he was forbidden from going into the Under Passage. Moreover, if he was forbidden to go down there, why would he willingly take me down there?

Una must have seen my confusion, because she continued speaking. “About six years ago, during the market days, a few leeches were manhandling a human slave that was for sale. She was about your age, maybe a little younger, and for some reason it bothered him. He picked a fight with the leeches, and it ended with him taking the life of fifteen vampires. The bloodsuckers in charge, the Lords, were lenient on us, but Tobin was forbidden from going to the Under Passage. He was also forced to watch as a group of vampires tore the human slave to pieces.”

I shook my head. “Then why did he take me down there?”

“Because he was looking for a fight, and you just happen to be an available piece of bait.” Una’s voice was heavy. “He’s my brother, and I love him dearly, but he is a broken individual, Bella. His past will always be with him, regardless of how much time goes by.”

“He used me?” My voice was weak.  I turned back to Una, and for once, she didn’t look angry. She looked apologetic. “He took me down there, even though it was dangerous?”

“That’s why he’s being punished, Bella.” Una moved closer to me. “He put you in danger.”

Nothing more was said; nothing more needed to be said. I had never known someone who would willingly risk my safety for their own selfish gain. My insides were twisted and mangled, tightening up like a vice, and nothing I did could quell the pain. Even thinking about the Cullens—I practically shouted their names in my thoughts—did nothing to distract me.

Una led me to the vehicle she had driven me to the mall in, and she drove me home. I sat in the passenger seat, thinking about everything that had happened in the past hour. Glancing down at my clothes, I was looking forward to a nice, hot shower. In fact, I breathed a large sigh of relief when we turned onto my street.

“I heard that you tried out your strength,” Una commented as the car stopped two houses from mine. I turned to her and found that she was smiling softly at me. “I guess you’ll be ready for the next phase of your training soon.”

I shook my head and climbed out of the car, lingering in the doorway for a little bit. “I don’t know, Una. After everything that’s happened, I’m not sure if this is what I want.”

When I looked back to her, I realized that I had made a mistake. Her smile had melted to a frown, and her eyes were staring at me with disapproval. “Not sure? We’re sticking our necks out for you, and you’re not sure?” She shook her head, and her fierce, angry expression returned. “You better get sure rather quickly, Bella.”

With that she zoomed off, leaving me feeling even worse.

 

* * *

 

An hour later, I was lying on my bed, debating whether or not I would ever move again. After climbing back through my window, I had disappeared into my bathroom with an intention of taking a shower. Thankfully, the pain in my legs and back had diminished, which allowed me to walk a bit more successfully. Unfortunately, when I took off my clothes and happened to see myself in the mirror, I gasped.

My left shoulder was wrapped in a black and purple bruise that extended from the top of my shoulder to just below my elbow. In addition, an oblong-shaped bruise had taken residence on my back as well as on my left leg. I touched one of them and shuddered at the pain that spread through me. These would take a very long time to heal.

After I finished showering, which turned out to be an excruciating experience, I took some over the counter, extra strength pain killers. The warm water thrumming against my body was supposed to make me feel better, but it only made my bruises throb. I limped over to my bed and slowly lowered myself onto it.

A soft knock came from my window, and I angled my neck so I could see who it was.  Collin. He peered in through my window, and I motioned for him to come in. I was feeling somewhat calm, thanks to the medicine, but I still felt nervous when Collin entered my room and stared down at me. I couldn’t read his expression, which made me feel apprehensive.

“Well, this has been an interesting day,” Collin remarked, the hint of a smile playing on the tips of his mouth. He took a seat on my desk chair, and when he looked at me again, the displeasure was written all over his face. “What on earth were you thinking, Bella? I told you the Under Passage was dangerous. Why didn’t you listen to me?”

I laughed, partially because of the medicine and partly because I was irritated. While I had been in the shower, I had spent a long time thinking about Collin and the Walkers, and I had come to many conclusions.

Collin wanted me to become like him; that much was obvious. However, he didn’t seem to think that exposing me to the realities of his world would benefit me. He was similar to Ed—to _him_ in that context. What I ultimately realized was that I had to discover all these realities on my own. I had to ask Nora bout the Change. I had to ask Tobin about the receptors who had died. I had to go down to the Under Passage to discover what it was. Collin wouldn’t give me any answers or help, and he was supposed to be the one training me. How could I trust him if he kept me blind?

“I’m not made of glass, Collin,” I answered in a slow and steady voice, “and I wasn’t born yesterday. Shiloh told you that loyalty doesn’t come from force. Well, it doesn’t come from blinding someone either.”

Collin narrowed his eyes. “What are you talking about?”

“You’ve blinded me!” I exclaimed, careful to keep my voice down in case Renee and Phil were still lurking around in the living room. “You’re supposed to be training me, preparing me for what lies ahead, but instead, you keep me in the dark about everything. You tell me nothing. How can I trust you?”

“There is a manner of doing things, Bella.” Collin growled. “We have a proper way of teaching a receptor what they need to know. What you’re going through, it’s no different than any other we’ve taught.”

I shook my head. “And, where are they, Collin? Where are those other receptors you’ve taught?” His face paled slightly. “Where are the other twenty nine receptors that Shiloh has attempted to change?” He was silent. “Were you ever going to tell me that there was a less than ten percent chance that I would be one of you?”

He pursed his lips. “Who told you about them?”

I felt my stomach twitch in nervousness, but I kept my outward appearance firm. “It doesn’t matter who told me, Collin. What matters is that _you_ didn’t tell me. You haven’t given me all the information, made me understand the risks.”

He growled and began pacing the length of my room. “You don’t understand what you’re talking about, Bella.”

I sat up. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

He stopped pacing and looked at me with sad eyes. “I didn’t want to scare you. In the last six years, Shiloh has attempted to change fifteen receptors, all of them with disastrous results.”

“Why?” I demanded. “Why didn’t it work?”

“Because they weren’t receptors,” he answered, and he cringed. “They smelled like they should be, but they weren’t. It was my fault that they even went through the changing process. I rushed through everything, didn’t give them any time to learn our history or fighting style. Shiloh didn’t even test them, because she trusted me so much. Their deaths are on my head, but she acts like the fault is hers.”

I swallowed heavily, and I asked the one question I was afraid to ask: “How do you know I’m a receptor, then?”

His eyes darted to me immediately. “You were tested by Shiloh, Bella. You have nothing to worry about.”

“Obviously I do.” I stood up, trying to emphasize my own indignation, but my legs gave out almost immediately. Collin caught me before I hit the ground, and he eased me back onto the bed. “Collin, you want me to commit to something, but you won’t let me know what that is. Doesn’t that seem unfair to you? Don’t you see the problem with that?”

He sat in the chair and ran a hand through his hair. “Look Bella, this is the first time I’ve had to train anyone, all right? Can you cut me a little slack?”

I glared openly at him. “Not when cutting you some slack means I get attacked or treated like bait!”

He threw his hands up, exasperated. “What do you want from me, Bella? Do you want me to let you spar with a leech or something? If that’s what you want, I can arrange it, but I don’t think it’s going to go the way you want it to.”

I shook my head and suppressed the urge to scream at him. He was frustrating to talk to. “A little more inclusion would be nice. I know that I’m human, Collin. I don’t need you, or the rest of your friends to point it out. I just wish you’d stop keeping things from me. Believe me, I’ve had enough of that to last me a lifetime.”

He sat quietly for a few moments, regarding me with a stern expression. “How about a compromise?”

I narrowed my eyes in suspicion. “Go on.”

“After tonight, you’re not going to be up for much physical activity.” I couldn’t argue with him on that point. I wasn’t even sure if I’d be able to make it to school tomorrow. What excuse would I give Renee? Collin rubbed his jaw and looked thoughtful. “As soon as you’re healed up, we’ll start a new form of training. A slightly more…uh hands on approach. How does that sound?”

I understood what the term “hands on” meant, but what I didn’t know was how it related to becoming a Walker. However, the fact that Collin was willing to step away from all the traditional stuff gave me hope, and rather than debate what his new training method would entail, I agreed to try it.

“All right, we’ll start as soon as you can walk again.” He smiled at me, but I didn’t reciprocate. “Bella? I’m very sorry about Tobin. I had no idea he would do something like that.”

My hand grazed one of the bruises, and I winced. As much as I wanted to blame Tobin for all of my injuries, I didn’t. Knowing what I did about his past, I couldn’t begrudge him for his choices. I wouldn’t be willing to go anywhere alone with him for a very long time, but my visit to the Under Passage wasn’t enough to make me despise him.

“Una told me about his past,” I said, and he raised his eyebrows slightly. “I’d probably act the same way if vampires had killed my family.”

“I don’t care what his reasons were, Bella. It was entirely inexcusable. We have never tolerated his blatant violation of the alliance with the leeches, and we won’t tolerate it this time.” He shook his head. “I’m just relieved that he went by unnoticed this time. Had he been spotted killing those bloodsuckers, it would have been really bad for us.”

“What happened to him?” I asked in a small voice. All I had head was that Tobin had been punished. What did that punishment entail?

“I know you’re sick of hearing this, Bella,” Collin said, “but, please don’t worry about it. I’ve just had to watch one of my brothers savagely reprimanded, and I really don’t want to relive it right now.”

My cheeks flushed, and I felt guilty for prolonging Collin’s suffering. So I eagerly changed the subject. “So, did you find out anything down there? Any gossip about me?”

He shook his head. “So far everything’s clear. I think we may have narrowly escaped a bullet.”

“Well that’s good.” I wasn’t sure what else I should say. Collin looked morose with his head hung, a deep frown on his face, and sunken shoulders. All I wanted was to hear him laugh again. I wasn’t sure why. “So apparently I have super strength.”

He stifled a groan and looked up at me through his eyelashes. My breath caught in my throat, and I felt warmth spread through my chest. He actually wasn’t that bad looking, but that wasn’t what made me smile. When he laughed, it was genuine, and when he looked at me, I didn’t feel insignificant or small. “I wouldn’t go that far, Bella.”

I pursed my lips and pointed a finger at him. “Hey! This is a big deal for me. Don’t ruin it.”

He held up his hands in surrender, and his eyes danced in amusement.”Not planning on it, but you do need to be careful, Bella. We can use our strength and speed because our bodies are much less breakable than yours.”

I fought the urge to roll my eyes. _Great, we’re back to me being a mere human again._ The mood had lightened, and I didn’t want to be the one responsible for destroying that. So instead of pouting, I simply pretended that he hadn’t said anything.

“Why am I even able to do these things?” It seemed like a good question, one that wouldn’t ruin the happy mood we had settled into. “I mean, when I turned eighteen, I didn’t feel any different.”

“Were you trying to fight vampires where you came from?” He laughed at his own humor and thankfully missed my distraught expression. _James._ I composed myself when he refocused on me. “To be honest, I’m surprised you were able to stop that vampire, Bella. Receptors have enhanced strength, but not _that_ much. Perhaps you had some form of adrenaline rush that made you stronger.”

“Maybe,” I mumbled, not looking at him. “I guess it’s not important now.”

I chose that moment to venture out the kitchen to get something to eat. Collin offered to come with me, especially since I couldn’t walk properly without assistance, but I refused. I wasn’t sure if my parents were still up, and I didn’t want to run the risk of them catching Collin in the house. After making sure that I could stand, I made my way to the kitchen, and I discovered that as long as I took small, shuffling steps, I could walk.

When my shuffling took me past the living room, I noticed that it was empty and the television was off. Their bedroom door had been closed, so it was safe to assume that they were sleeping. I made myself a sandwich, poured a glass of milk, and took a seat at the table. I quickly devoured it in thirty seconds and decided to make a second one. I hadn’t realized how hungry I really was. _Then again_ , I thought to myself, _you came close to dying, so I guess it’s forgivable._

I washed my plate and cup, and I was about to head back when the unthinkable happened. Some soapy water from the sink had splashed onto the floor, and when I shuffled forward, I slipped. My body crumpled to the ground and I gasped at the pain that stemmed from my back, legs, and arms. I whimpered and cradled my injured appendages. _Why me?_

“I knew it.” I heard the exasperated voice right before I was hoisted into the air. I didn’t need to turn to see who had picked me up. From the height and the annoyance in his voice, I knew it was Collin. “Are you all right?”

He whispered so softly, I wasn’t sure that I had actually heard him speak. I nodded my head regardless, and he carried me back to my room. He set me on the bed gently, his hands lingering a little longer on my body, and asked me again if I was all right. Like before, I merely nodded.

I lifted my shirt just below my navel, trying to see if there was any damage, and I heard Collin growl. He was glaring daggers at my exposed skin, and when I looked down, I realized why. One of my many bruises was clearly visible. I hurriedly pushed the hem of my t-shirt down and apologized.

“Why are you apologizing?” His jaw tightened, and he turned away. “In the Swedish Colony they would kill him for this.”

“Killing him won’t change what happened,” I insisted. The last thing I wanted was to be the cause of a fight between the Walkers. Although I had no desire to spend time with Tobin any time soon, I understood how someone’s past could affect them in the long run. “Tobin’s not perfect, but who is?”

“This has nothing to do with being perfect, Bella.” He turned back to me. “This is about duty and respect, which Tobin is lacking.”

I wasn’t sure why, but I didn’t like the way Collin was speaking about Tobin. True, Tobin had made some terrible decisions, but that happened to everyone. Although I had a few bruises, I wasn’t dead. More importantly, Tobin had willingly taken my punishment.

“If he’s really that bad,” I looked at him pointedly, “then why did he offer to take my punishment?”

Collin shook his head, and he regarded me with what I could only describe as pity. I ground my teeth in frustration and threw my hands up. The argument was staring to give me a headache. So, rather than continue down the path that would end in a migraine, I pulled the covers over myself and turned over. I heard Collin sigh heavily, but he didn’t try to say anything more.

As I lay there, trying to force myself to sleep and failing miserably, I thought back to that moment in the Under Passage when I had broken free from the vampire’s grasp. I could still remember the blazing heat that had filled my heart, and how my anger and rage directed at my family and friends were what drove me to do it. Was that truly how I felt? Did I really resent Renee and the Cul— _them_?

I wasn’t sure about my mother, but my feelings for the family of vampires had changed. I didn’t hate them, and though, I still cared for them to a certain degree, it just felt different. It was vague, which annoyed me, but I couldn’t investigate it too much. I was terrified that if I thought of _them_ too frequently, the pain would consume me.

_Your feelings are changing, maybe the pain will too._ There was logic in that thought, dangerous logic. _Should I try?_ What would be the worst case scenario?

After facing down a vampire, my first reaction was not my normal one. My usual reaction would be to curl into a ball and cry for an hour or so. This time, I felt a knot in my stomach, but not a painful one. I felt excited, as if I were standing on the precipice, looking down into a whole new world. Would taking an extra step be my downfall, or would it be the start of something wonderful?

I crossed my fingers, took a deep breath, and I opened up my memories. I willingly thought of Emmett, the large, hulking brother. He always had a giant grin on his face, whenever he saw me. For my birthday, he had given me a new stereo for my truck. Or had it been a goodbye present?

I felt something gnawing at my insides, but it wasn’t the normal burn that accompanied any thought of the Cul—any thought of _the Cullens_. So I continued.

Rosalie and Esme’s beautiful faces and elegant mannerisms came to me next. All the women of Forks envied them for their beauty, their grace, and their husbands. As I thought of them, the burning inside me intensified.

I recalled the kind, compassionate face of Doctor Carlisle Cullen. He had always made me feel comfortable, always treated me like a member of the family. And yet, he didn’t think twice about severing the line of communication. He allowed his son to reduce me to dust. So much for family.

Jasper. Tall, dangerous Jasper. He had always kept his distance from me and with due cause. It still didn’t make sense to me. He had been alone with me while we were hiding from James and there had never been an issue. When he and the others had arrived at the ballet studio, my blood had been everywhere, and yet, he hadn’t attacked me. Why had he chosen my birthday party to snap at me?

My gaze was red hot, and angry tears spilled down my cheeks.

She was nice to me from the moment we met, and I assumed we would be friends forever. Her spiky hair and energetic personality could always make me smile. I wasn’t enough for her, though. She thought nothing of walking away, just like _him. How could you, Alice?_

And then, there was _him_ —there was Edward. There was a small twinge in my chest, but it was quickly overridden by the intense heat within me.

Edward had walked into my life and taken everything I had to give. He had taken my future, my love, my loyalty, my time—everything. I loved him more than I could possibly say, and he filled me with such bright images of our possible life together—but it was a lie. He didn’t just take from me—he stole from me. _He… used me._ All the memories of lying in the meadow with him, spending time at his home, and all the intimate moments we shared, I saw them for what they truly were: lies.

I couldn’t take the fire burning inside me any longer. I sat up in bed, the blaze within me become white hot, and I turned to Collin who was staring at me in confusion.

_Water. I need water._

As I climbed out of bed and tried to cross the room, I realized a second too late what was happening. My super-speed, or whatever it was called, came rearing back. I tried to stop, but it was futile. My legs carried me across the room, straight toward Collin, and the two of us crashed together. Clearly taken off guard, he fell backward, the strength of his fall shattering the back of my desk chair, and I ended up straddling him on the floor.

The entire sequence took at least three seconds, and both of us were too astounded to say anything. We lay there for a few seconds, Collin on his back, looking up at me, and me, sitting on top of him, looking down at him. Then slowly, his mouth crooked up in a smile, and he started laughing. I insisted that it wasn’t funny, but his laughter was infectious, and pretty soon, I was laughing along with him. 

“Wh-what was that?” I gasped for breath in between chuckles. “Please tell me you’ve seen that happen before.”

He nodded. “Shiloh’s told me about it, but I’ve never seen it firsthand. Sometimes receptors get these bursts of strong emotions, and since they can’t control their speed and strength, things like this usually happen. Are you anxious or mad?”

I blinked and nodded shyly, not sure if I should tell him what I had been thinking of moments ago. “A little.”

He scoffed but looked at me intently. “There was nothing little about it, Bella. Tell me, what were you thinking about?”

I could almost feel the color drain from my face, and I scurried off the floor and back to my bed. There was no way I could tell Collin about the Cullens. What would he think of me? He’d no doubt laugh at me for my past with vampires. Then again, for all knew, he could understand. Perhaps, in his life, he had been through something similar. Was it possible?

_Collin and the rest of the Walkers hunt vampires. Do you think they would take kindly to a receptor being close with vampires?_

Although everything in Forks had happened before I had discovered my Walker lineage, it still seemed relevant. What if they decided to go up to Washington and hunt them down? It’s true, I had started to resent them, but the last thing I wanted was for them to be killed. With that in mind, I decided to keep Edward and the rest of the Cullens a secret.

I smiled to myself as I realized that I could think of them without much pain, but that smile disappeared when I realized that Collin was watching me.

“I’m sorry, Collin.” I shook my head. “There are some parts of me that I just can’t share.”

His confusion peeled away, and in its place was a look I would never forget. He looked relieved, sad, lonely, grief-stricken, and yet, happy.  “I know exactly how you feel.”

 


	13. Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Thirteen

Although I had been granted a small taste of the speed and strength of the Walkers, the one thing that I had not been given was their healing ability. The day after my introduction to the Under Passage, I had awoken to the worst physical pain in my life. My body ached in places I didn’t even know I had, my muscles burned and throbbed, and the massive bruises seemed like they had gotten even darker overnight.  I felt like I had been hit by a freight train, and after failing to stand on my own, I had decided that school was going to be impossible.

Surprisingly enough, Renee believed my “I have cold” excuse, and she wasted no time in calling the school and sending me straight to bed. What was even more interesting was she didn’t hover, didn’t consistently ask if I was okay, and didn’t even try to take me to the doctor. She simply asked if I needed anything and then left my room. It was so reminiscent of our days back in Phoenix. In the days before Forks, and before Edward, whenever I had an issue that I didn’t want to discuss, my mom would leave me to resolve my own problem. That’s how I liked it. Seeing a brief appearance of “Old Renee” made me sigh in contentment.

I spent almost a solid week in bed, but I wasn’t alone. Collin would visit me every morning after Phil had left, and he would come before bed and stay with me throughout the night. His presence had changed over the course of the past couple weeks. He had gone from being a complete nuisance to somewhat of a comfort. When we were together, he made me feel different, as if everything that had happened in Forks didn’t matter.

After the fourth day of my bed rest, my strength had almost fully returned, and I was able to walk around the house with no difficulty. I had wanted to go to work at Pages, but when I called the store, Nora insisted that I rest.

“You need to stay off your feet, Bella,” she explained, cutting me off when I tried to reassure her that I was okay. It wasn’t necessarily that I was anxious to work; I just didn’t want to feel useless, even if all I was doing was reading large, boring texts. When I confided this to Nora, she laughed. “Don’t worry. These books and I aren’t going anywhere.”

Two more days trickled by slowly, and my strength returned entirely. Collin seemed to think I was ready, and I nervously waited for the start of his “hands-on” training. What would it entail? Would it be hard? Would I get hurt? Would I be different afterward? Was this truly the path that I wanted?

On the morning of the sixth day, my alarm clock went off unnaturally early. I groggily sat up in bed and glowered at the blinking, red lights across my room, noting how dark it was with the curtains closed. Why was my alarm going off at six in the morning on a weekend?  I fumbled through the darkness and switched it off, but before I could think about going back to sleep, there was a slight tap at the window.

I turned on my desk light, pulled back the curtains, and found Collin grinning wickedly from outside.

“Wake up, sleepy-head,” he said cheerfully, when I opened the window. “Put on something you can move in and meet me outside in ten minutes.”

“Ten minutes?” I rubbed my eyes and stared at him incredulously, the haze of my dreams clinging to me and making the outside world seem like a giant, black blob. Collin’s presence outside my window was strange to me; he had been inside my room before I had fallen asleep the previous night. Why had he left?  Judging by his sneaky expression, I realized he was probably behind my early morning wake-up call. “Hey, did you set my alarm?”

“Of course I did.” He smiled proudly and laughed when I glared at him. “Come on, get dressed. If you’re not outside in ten minutes, I’m coming in to get you.”

Since Collin had started spending his nights in my room, I had been getting less sleep than usual. He told me stories about his past, and I would stay up asking him questions. I stifled a yawn while I stood there, glaring out the window at him. “I can’t just leave at six in the morning, Collin. What am I supposed to tell my parents?”

He rested his elbows on my window sill and sighed heavily, looking somewhat exasperated. “It’s not my problem that you’re fighting the inevitable, Bella. Ten minutes.”

I crossed my arms defiantly and narrowed my eyes. “What’s inevitable?”

He dropped his head into his resting elbows, and when he lifted it again, his gaze was terrifying. His brown eyes had turned black, he was scowling at me, and his eyebrows were pulled tightly together, but that wasn’t all. An invisible energy seemed to radiate through his skin, and everything about him became electrified with tension. He looked animalistic, like a predator, and I felt a tingle travel up my spine.

## “Bella,” he said in a soft, yet deadly voice. “Get dressed and meet me outside. I’m done playing with you. If you are not outside in ten minutes, you will be reprimanded. From this point forward, I am no longer your friend. I am your _múinteoir*_ , and you will not question me.”

## “My mon—what?” I shook my head, flabbergasted. “What does that mean?”

## “Come outside, and I’ll tell you.”

## With that, he turned and stalked away into the darkness, leaving me in a state of shock.

## I had no idea what a _múinteoir_ was, but from the way Collin had said it, I assumed it was something important, and the last thing I wanted was to be reprimanded. So rather than call his bluff, I started rifling through my closet, looking for something to wear. I had never been athletic, so my selection of things I could “move” in was extremely limited. Thankfully, I found a pair of yoga pants that Renee had bought me—her last ditch attempt to get me interested in her many Saturday activities—a sports bra, and a loose fitting, long-sleeved shirt. 

I stopped off in the bathroom to get something to tie my hair up with and paused when I saw my reflection in the mirror. The yoga pants clung to my thighs in an unfamiliar way, and I pulled at the bottom hem of the shirt self-consciously, trying to get it to my knees. My cheeks flushed when I quit my fussing, and I bit my bottom lip. I thought of Shiloh and Una, the two female Walkers, and I couldn’t imagine any world where I would ever be on the same level as them. They were fearless, strong hunters, and I was a weak, pathetic human.

Feeling less than optimistic, I headed to the kitchen and drafted a quick note for Renee and Phil. Although I hated to lie to them again, it was necessary. I explained that, having fallen behind in school, I had gotten a ride to an all-day tutoring session and would be back around noon. I left the small slip of paper on the fridge, swallowed as much of my insecurity as possible, and walked outside.

At first I thought that maybe Collin had left, or that he had gone back to my bedroom window, because he was nowhere to be seen when I locked the front door. However, as I moved away from the porch, I heard a throaty chuckle above me. I glanced up in time to see him jump down from one of the large trees that surrounded the house.

“Are you ready?” His voice was slightly amused, but his expression was stern. When I nodded, he jerked his head to the side. “Let’s go.”

We walked to the end of the street just as Tobin and I had almost a week ago, only this time I didn’t end up in someone’s arms. There was a car waiting at the corner—a simple, four-door sedan with no license plates, and a broken passenger side window—and I groaned. I tried to convince myself that it didn’t matter if the car was stolen, but I still felt a little sick when I sat in the backseat.

Una was in the driver’s seat, and she cast me a disparaging look when I buckled my seatbelt. I still couldn’t quite figure her out. There had been a hint of concern in her voice over what Tobin had done to me, but she still treated me like I was a problem. Collin had told me not to worry about it, that she would come around in time, but I wasn’t going to hold my breath. I tried to reassure myself that her opinion of me didn’t matter, but it was a useless effort.

I recognized the path Una took through the back streets of Jacksonville, and I wasn’t surprised when we found ourselves on a narrow stretch of road. We were headed to their underground lair.

“I suppose I don’t need to mention how terrible this idea is, right?” Una said lazily when we pulled up to the abandoned building on the side of the road. Collin simply gave her a blank stare, and she started laughing. “Of course not.”

I followed them around the dilapidated structure to the staircase in the earth. I was relieved to find the moldy stench wasn’t as heavy as it had been the last time I visited. The couch had also been replaced by a newer black, leather one. It wasn’t brand new, but there were less stains, tears, and overall signs of usage.

Instead of staying in the large room, as we had the first time we had come here, Collin led me through a pair of metal doors and down a narrow passage. For a second, I wondered if we were going back into the Under Passage, but when Collin opened another set of doors, I was surprised. We were in a large room, about the size of a high school gymnasium, with ceilings that were about thirty feet high. The walls were lined with thick, black stones, each one covered in a series of etchings.

There were two sets of staircases that led up to a second story, and as my eyes traveled to the top level, I gasped. The blond boy, the one who had discovered Tobin and me, was standing there. With one step forward, he fell through the air and landed on the balls of his feet, completely unharmed.

“You’re late,” he said casually, approaching us. “I was beginning to lose hope.”

“We don’t share your morbid infatuation with early arrivals,” Una sneered, not unkindly, and she crossed over to him and placed a kiss on each of his cheeks. “Or early departures.”

Collin, noticing my confused expression, explained, “Rix is Una’s _leannán_ and vice versa. This is a rare occasion, Bella. It’s actually tolerable to be in their presence. Usually it’s not so pleasant.”

I frowned. “I don’t understand.”

“Perhaps it’s better if you don’t,” he remarked. “Come, let’s get you introduced.”

Riklin, or Rix as he was called by the rest of them, was a pure blood Walker. He was more refined than the others, mainly because he had been raised by a wealthy, politically active family, and he certainly dressed better than the other Walkers. He had been sent to Shiloh by the Swedish Colony in hopes that he would learn what being a _ceannaire_ was all about. Unfortunately for his family, Rix had become so enchanted with Shiloh’s nomadic way of life that he refuted all desire to become a _ceannaire,_ and instead he became third in command.

I fidgeted nervously while Collin relayed the story of him following Jillian and me into the woods, but not because of what Collin was saying. Rix was staring at me with a mixture of fascination and curiosity, and frankly, it was really starting to weird me out. Thankfully, he departed as soon as Collin announced we were going to start my training.

“That was strange,” I muttered, five minutes after Rix had vanished. Collin asked me what I meant, to which I scoffed. “He was just… staring at me.”

Collin laughed. “He’s very intrigued by humans.”

I glanced back, thoroughly confused by Collin’s explanation, only to discover that Rix was still watching me from the doorway. He smiled and waved before disappearing around the corner. They were all so odd, and I wondered if I would ever get used to them.

“All right,” Collin announced, and when I turned back, I noticed there was a small box in the middle of the room. “Have you ever heard of a trust fall, Bella?”

I looked down at the small, wooden box and nodded. “Yeah. We did one of those when I went to summer camp one year. You don’t expect me to catch you, do you?”

If the Walkers were anything like vampires, I would be crushed under Collin’s weight.

He snorted and gestured to the box. “Of course not—I’m going to catch you.”

It seemed simple enough, so why did I feel so nervous? I tried to convince myself that I was being ridiculous, that everything Collin was doing was to prepare me for life as a Walker, even though I wasn’t completely sure that’s what I wanted. He smiled confidently at me, as I timidly stepped on the box, and with one last glance at him, I fell backwards.

And I hit the floor.

“What the hell!” I scrambled to my feet and glared at my supposed trainer. “You said you were going to catch me! What’s wrong with you? Don’t you know the purpose of a trust fall?”

He regarded me with an emotionless expression, and when I finally stopped shouting, he smiled. “This is not an exercise of trust, Bella—this is an exercise of instincts. There will not always be someone there to catch you. It’s up to you to know how to handle those situations.” He rested his hands on my shoulders. “I’m very sorry, but this was a necessity. I promise you, after your training is complete, you will be able to tell whether I’m there or not.”

I wanted to yell at him some more, but the sincerity and conviction in his eyes and words overpowered my anger. “Can I at least wear padding, or something? I’m still human, Collin, and that little stunt is probably going to give me another bruise.”

“Good,” he said firmly, and my mouth fell open. Was he trying to hurt me? Was it possible that he was one of those people who enjoyed inflicting pain on others? What were they called? Sadists? My inner monologue was silenced when he took my hands in his. “The Walkers don’t regard injury with pity or anguish, Bella. The sooner you realize that, the better off you’ll be. Do you think Shiloh wears her scar with shame? No, it’s a trophy to her, a symbol of her success, her survival. Never be ashamed of any wound you receive.”

He turned away from me and stalked over to the small box, and I was hot on his heels. “Wait a second. If that’s true then why were you mad at the bruises I got from down in the Under Passage?”

He stopped and frowned at me. “Because those bruises didn’t represent you overcoming an obstacle, Bella—they represented Tobin’s lack of control.” I stared at the ground, not entirely sure what I should say in response, and I heard Collin sigh heavily. When I looked back at him, his eyebrows were pulled together tightly, and he was frowning. “More importantly, his actions caused you to get hurt, and that bothers me... for whatever reason.”

With one swift movement, he reached down and scooped up the trust-fall box and stalked across the giant space. I ambled behind him, waiting for him to give me more of an explanation about why my injuries had bothered him so much, but he said nothing, and rather than pester him and make myself out to be an annoyance, I remained silent.

Collin led me to a series of narrow passageways that branched out from the Walkers’ lair. According to him, they had sectioned off a small, unused portion of the Under Passage for their own personal use. The vampires of the city hadn’t minded, especially since the Walkers section was far out of the city, and they had made a conscious effort to leave them be. No vampire had ever crossed the threshold of the Walkers’ home, and they weren’t planning on it.

“But aren’t you just a little worried?” When he shook his head and said he wasn’t, I stared at him like he was crazy. “What if all the vampires in the city decided to come here and kill you?”

“They won’t,” he said in a firm voice, leaving no room for argument, which made me want to argue even more. Collin grew visibly impatient and cut me off before I could continue. “Bella, in order for what you’re implying to take place, the Lords would have to authorize it, and they can never come to an agreement on anything. The only reason we were able to make a pact with them was due to their small numbers back then.  More importantly, Shiloh has a large army of Walkers at her disposal. The Swedish Colony would empty for her.”

It was so interesting to hear the confidence in Collin’s voice when he spoke of Shiloh. Tobin had been the same. Somewhere deep inside, I was envious of them. I wanted to know that kind of devotion, that unwavering loyalty, but it just didn’t seem possible for me. I was too broken.

“Are you still afraid?” Collin asked with narrowed eyes and a firm set jaw. When I didn’t answer, he continued, “Your fear is a crutch, Bella. It’s something instilled on humans from womb to tomb. You are taught to accept it, to nurture it, until it consumes you”—he moved closer to me, wrapping his palms around the curves of my shoulders—“but I can show you how to break away from that. I can teach you how to deny your fear and cultivate something else.”

I scoffed, but it sounded more nervous than cocky. “What else is there?”

At my question, Collin’s expression contorted to a secretive smile. “You’ll find out in time.”

I deadpanned. “Are you serious? You’re going to give me all that build up and then leave me hanging?”

Collin laughed heartily and wrapped his arm around me, leading me toward an open doorway. “If I told you everything, you wouldn’t get to find out anything for yourself.”

I rolled my eyes. “That makes no sense.”

“It will in time.”

I shrugged off his arm, feeling both disappointed and annoyed. “You’re impossible.”

My assessment made him laugh even harder, and it was difficult to stay irritated when he was chortling like he was. Pretty soon, I was chuckling with him, reveling in the throaty, natural sounds coming from him. Compared to the inhuman tones of vampiric laughter, Collin’s sounded imperfect and somewhat strangled, but I didn’t care. When I was with him, I felt somewhat better about my situation. Almost as if the mourning period hadn’t been in vain.

“Can I ask you something?” After we had stopped our laughing fit, he had led me up a flight of stairs, which led to a second floor overlooking the area we had just come from. We both sat on the edge, our feet dangling over, and Collin had inextricably turned and handed me his journal. _The_ journal—the one that had started all this. “Would you read this?”

I looked at the medium-sized, leather bound journal in his hand. “Why?”

He shrugged, and I could almost see traces of pink in his cheeks. Was he blushing? “I would just like for you to read it… out loud.”

I laughed to cover up the awkwardness I felt. “Right now? Aren’t you supposed to be training me?”

The expression on his face melted from playful to serious. “Just one page? This is important, Bella.”

I stared at him for a few seconds, wondering why he wanted me to read the journal, and after quiet deliberation, I gingerly took the book out of his hand. It seemed to weigh more than the last time I had held it, and it almost felt like it had a life of its own, which was strange. I didn’t want to change my mind and disappoint Collin, but I wasn’t too comfortable with this.

Regardless, I opened the cover, turned over the warning page, and I found myself staring at a page of scribble in a foreign language. I sighed and shook my head, feeling a bit disappointed. “I can’t read this language, Collin.”

“There are pages in English,” he pressed, his eyes alight with anticipation. “Keep looking.”

I paused momentarily, curious why he looked so interested. What exactly did he want me to read, and why did he want me to read it? Why out loud? Was he proud of his journal? I just didn’t understand.

“Forget it.” The journal was out of my hands before I could blink. Collin barely acknowledged me, his eyes focused on the ground as he tucked the journal back into his pocket. I tried to protest, but he cut me off. “We should really get back to training. I don’t want to waste your time.”

“Collin—.”

“We should start with a run,” he continued, shrugging me off when I tried to place a hand on his shoulder. “Your leg muscles are sadly lacking definition.”

I felt bad for embarrassing him, but I realized that the time to do anything had passed us by. So I followed behind him and remained silent.

He led me to the bottom floor and pointed to a dark hallway that was less than twenty feet away. “That tunnel wraps around our entire space. We sealed it off long ago, so it’s safe for you to be alone in it. We should start you out with some jogging—twenty minutes—and try to keep your pace at a human level.”

Jogging? Surely he had to be joking. While I hadn’t been sure what my training would entail, I had figured it would be something more than a trust fall and running. Maybe learning to fly through the air, bouncing off walls, or something like that. So far, the only activities I had partaken in were things I could do in my backyard, not twenty miles outside the city limits. Why was Collin doing this?

He narrowed his eyes as I stood there. “Is there a problem?”

“No,” I responded in a knee-jerk manner, but then added, “Well, I just don’t understand why I need to run. I mean, I realize that you have a method of doing these things, but I’m really confused.”

Collin nodded. “I understand your trepidation, Bella. The reason we need to build up your muscles is because, when you change, your muscles will elongate. If you don’t have enough muscle mass, it will cause complications.”

I pushed down the tension that rose in my chest, and I felt it slide over the knot in my stomach. “Complications?”

“If you don’t have adequate muscle density, particularly in your legs,” he explained. “You won’t be able to carry your own weight.”

I wasn’t sure if what he was saying made biological sense, but seeing how vampires and vampire hunters defied all human logic, I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. He led me into the tunnel, which was thankfully lined with hanging light bulbs. It gave the space enough light for me to see, albeit a very macabre feel.

The one thing that Collin failed to mention was that controlling my speed was tough.  Two hurried steps sent me tumbling head over feet, and I spit out a bit of dirt that had somehow found its way into my mouth. I beat the ground with my fist, noting with bleak satisfaction that I had caused a minor crack in the pavement, and rubbed my back. Oh yes, there would be a bruise there.

After the initial shock wore off, I took a deep breath and tried again, putting extra emphasis on the steps I took, carefully planning each step. This time, I managed ten steps before I slammed into a wall. I growled, frustrated that things weren’t going the way I had anticipated—as if I had anticipated anything at all—and I kicked the wall. The stone walls cracked, expelling a plume of dust, and a few pieces crumbled to the ground, but it did nothing to help my temper.

“Problems?” I jumped at the gruff, yet feminine voice. Una was watching me, an amused expression on her face. “Would you like some advice?”

I stared at her blankly, not sure what I should. Una had not gone out of her way to be nice to me; she barely even talked to me. So her willingness to help made me feel weird. Still, I wasn’t one to look a gift horse in the mouth, and if she had advice on how not to hurt myself, I would take it.

“Stop over thinking it,” Una instructed and pointed down the hallway. “Now, I want you to try and run, but don’t think about it. Simply decide that you’re going to run slower.”

I looked at her warily, trying to remind myself that she obviously knew what she was talking about. I took a deep breath, and after silently hoping that this wouldn’t end badly, I took off. I felt my body warring with itself, trying to break loose and speed up, but something held it in check. I jogged to the end of the passage, and when I reached the end, I smiled.

“I did it!” I turned to face Una, feeling a little embarrassed by my outburst, and I was surprised to see her laughing.  “How did I do that?”

Una shrugged. “Mind over matter?”

She stayed with me for a few more minutes, offering one word answers to my many questions. It was enough, however, for me to learn a bit more about her. Una had been born in the early eighteen hundreds, and Shiloh had found her when she was twenty. Like Collin and Tobin, Shiloh had trained Una one-on-one.

“Why isn’t Shiloh training me?” I had mixed feelings about Shiloh, so I was somewhat thankful that Collin was the one responsible for my training, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t curious. Was there something wrong with me? Was Shiloh just not interested in training me?

“No idea.”

Her vague answers were really starting to bother me. “Come on, Una. Can’t you tell me anything useful?”

She raised her eyebrows, the hint of a smile playing on her lips. “I have no idea why Shiloh refused to train you, Bella. To be honest, she’s never done that before, and we’re all curious why. However, there is always a point behind her actions, so we don’t question her. It will be all right in the end.”

Her words were somewhat comforting, and I found myself feeling a bit better about the entire situation.

Una helped me run a few more times before she suggested we call it quits for the day. She led me to another part of their underground dwelling that I had not yet seen. It was a large room with dirt brown tiles on the wall, a few dim light fixtures protruding from the walls, and a series of military-style cots shoved against the wall. Collin was holed up in a bunk in the furthest corner, and I paused when I realized he was reading his journal… _the_ journal.

I still couldn’t understand why he had wanted me to read it, especially after the speech he had given me after the incident with Jillian. There were secrets in that journal that could endanger Collin and the others, so why would he give them to me—a weak human?

“I think she needs some rest,” Una announced, urging me forward with a hand on my back. “Perhaps you should get the little one some food.”

_‘The little one?’ Well, I guess it’s better than ‘the human.’_

There was no sustenance in their underground lair, which didn’t surprise me. Why would the Walkers keep human food when they couldn’t eat it? There wasn’t exactly a line of possible receptors winding out the door. They also had no reason to keep up human pretenses like… the Cullens. Thankfully, Collin and Una drove me to a gas station and let me buy a sandwich and water.

Once I had my lunch—or, midmorning snack, actually—Collin and I sat outside the gas station in a soft patch of grass. Una, meanwhile, disappeared.

“Where did she go?” I asked, glancing around to see if she was skulking somewhere in view, but I didn’t see her.

“She’s off in the woods somewhere,” Collin answered nonchalantly, as if it was something she did all the time. I glanced around at the wall of thin, pencil-like trees, which were very different than the thick, evergreens of Washington. Sensing my confusion, Collin elaborated. “Una’s not one to sit still for too long. She comes from a line of nomadic Walkers, or so we think. She’s probably getting the lay of land right now. Scoping out potential attack positions and whatnot.”

“Oh,” was all I could say in response.

We sat there in silence while I finished my food. I tried to find something to look at, letting my eyes trail around the foresty backdrop, but found nothing of interest. Wanting to fill the awkward quiet that had descended on us, I asked the first question that came to my mind.

“Why do you live underground?” My cheeks reddened when Collin’s eyes narrowed, and I anxiously tried to do damage control. “Not that it’s a bad thing. I’m just wondering why you’ve chosen to do that.”

He nodded. “I understand what you mean. There are two predominant reasons. One, by choosing to live in squalor, we set a precedent that we are not out to challenge the rule of the leech lords. We have an accord with them, of which you know, called _Fuil Aimsir_ , and we do not break it.” Our eyes met, and the right side of his mouth tugged upward. “Well, we usually don’t.”

“And, the second reason?”

“It’s easier,” he answered, shrugging. “Not having to explain our activities to humans.”

I sighed and fought back the tremble that threatened to overtake me. “So you can disappear if you need to?”

He gave me a look mixed with confusion and curiosity. “Something like that.”

We lapsed back into silence, but this silence was not like before. It wasn’t filled with awkwardness; it was filled with anticipation. One look at Collin’s face told me that he had reached his limit with unspoken and unanswered questions. The time was drawing near when he would want to know those things that I kept secret. He would want to know about my past and how I came to know of vampires. The idea of opening up horrified me, and before he could speak, I was quick to redirect the conversation.

“So why didn’t Shiloh want to train me?” I knew the answer to that question already; Una had offered me a decent, but vague explanation. However, since it was still on my mind, it was the first topic I went for. “I mean, the general consensus is that she trained all of you, is that right?”

“Yes.” He looked down at the grass intently, almost as if he was expecting it to do something magical. “She trained each and every one of us—with the exception of Dex, Riklin, and Nora.”

“Speaking of Dex,” I said curiously, remembering something that had bothered me earlier. “You said that you can’t get jobs, but he works at the high school.”

“Shiloh wanted him to keep an eye on the school,” he said. “As I said before, you really have no idea how many leeches are running around campus. That’s one of the reasons I started attending classes too. The old principal was a bloodsucker, and we heard rumors that he was killing students.”

My eyes widened. “I thought vampires couldn’t kill conspicuously without the Volturi catching on.”

“In the rest of the world, yes,” he answered. “However, things are different here in the South, Bella. The land beneath our feet is a battlefield, and you are the spoils of war. The city of Jacksonville is owned by a group of vampire Lords, but there are other, more powerful leeches that are literally dying to get their hands on this town.”

I turned away, feeling a little sick and took a deep breath for good measure. It was strange. When I had lived in Forks, the knowledge that the Cullens were vampires hadn’t bothered me. However, as I sat with Collin and noticed the gas station attendant staring at us from the window, I felt my paranoia rise.

“Are you all right?” I turned back to find Collin frowning at me. “I didn’t mean to scare you, Bella.”

“You didn’t,” I replied, a little too quickly, and I sounded somewhat hysterical when I tried to laugh it off. I glanced from side-to-side, wanting to find something that would change the subject, and I noticed the journal sticking out of Collin’s back pocket. “Hey, can I see your journal?”

Collin’s eyes narrowed, and his hand reached back to cover the medium-sized book. “Why?”

“You said I could read it earlier,” I replied nervously, trying to appear nonchalant and failing miserably. Very briefly, I recalled the time when I had flirted with Jacob Black to find out about the Cullens. Somehow, I didn’t think I would get the same reaction from Collin Maevin. “I figured that since we have some time, I could read it.”

He sat motionless, staring at me with a mixture of mistrust, confusion, and just a dash of hope, and as I waited for him to say or do something, I wondered if this was a bad idea. I didn’t know what that journal contained, after all. Collin had said it held secrets; what kind of secrets? Moreover, why did he want to share them with me now?

I sighed, realizing that Collin had not budged an inch, and I considered calling for Una. Thankfully, whatever trance he was under passed, and he blinked a few times before pulling the journal out and handing it to me.

I opened the cover and flipped through the pages containing a language I couldn’t understand, and I eventually found what I was looking for. Toward the back, there were at least thirty pages of chicken scratch, but unlike the previous pages, they were in English. With one last look of reassurance from Collin, I started reading them.

_“October 20, 1990_

_Who on earth gives someone a half-used journal as a present? He was so happy when he gave it to me, though. I couldn’t express anything but gratitude, even though what I really want to do is scream my lungs off. I want to beat the crap out of each and every one of them for what they’ve done, but I can’t. In my heart, I know they thought they were saving me. As much as I had wanted to die, this is just proof how much I want to live.”_

I took a breath, looked up at Collin and instantly frowned. He looked pained, like someone had punched him in the stomach. Was it the journal? Why would it cause him pain? He had to have read it, right? I gasped softly as the realization hit me: it wasn’t Collin’s journal.

If it wasn’t his, then whose was it?

Noticing that I had stopped reading, he murmured, “Keep going.”

“Are you all right?” I asked, reaching out to him but thinking better of it and pulling my hand back. “You look like you’re upset. What is it?”

“I just didn’t know sh…” he trailed off, shaking his head. His body straightened up a bit, but I could still see the grief-stricken expression in his eyes. “Please continue.”

Against my better judgment, despite the discomfort I felt over this entire situation, I read on.

_“What am I doing here? More importantly, what do they want with me? They keep throwing around words like “feed,” “drink,” and “venom.” I don’t know what I’m supposed to think. What am I supposed to do? I feel lost, tormented, and my own body is warring against me. I can’t walk a straight line without falling on my face—”_

I looked at Collin, remembering back to my attempts at running in the tunnels. Whoever wrote this was a Receptor like me.

_“I’m also hungry. No. That’s not the right word. I’m… thirsty, if that makes sense. It seems like my entire hunger boils down to my thirst. Does that make sense? Probably not. The taller girl, what was her name? She said she would be back with some ‘sustenance.’ Who uses words like that? I can’t even comprehend these people. I just want to go home.”_

“That’s enough.” I jumped a bit as Una materialized beside me. I glanced up at her and noticed that she was glaring viciously at Collin. “We should get back and finish her training for the day. You know that Nora will be expecting her at five.”

Collin was staring at Una with an equally scathing look. “Fine.”

I followed both of them back to the car, and after climbing in the backseat, I endured the most awkwardly tense silence in the history of… anything. Una’s and Collin’s backs were rigid and stiff, and they were both focused straight ahead. The only sound that I heard was the rumbling of the tires against the paved road. I practically sprinted out of the car when we finally reached the Walkers’ home.

The rest of the training was a mixture of different exercises meant to stabilize my core and legs. Collin had me sprinting up and down stairs, which was much easier after running the tunnels. Maybe it was because my energy was waning, or perhaps I had gained some form of control. Whatever the reason, I only managed to trip twice.

Probably the most terrifying activity Collin made me do was the wall climb. At the north end of the Walkers’ training area, there was a rocky wall that had seen better days. It had pieces of concrete sticking out, retaining bars protruding from the rock mass, and several divots cut into the wall. My job, Collin informed me, was to climb up and down repeatedly.

“I really don’t think this is a good idea,” I called down from where I was. Ten to fifteen feet above the ground. “Collin, you’re really testing my clumsiness and lack of coordination.”

I heard him laugh. “You really don’t give yourself much credit, do you, Bella?”

It was my turn to laugh. “I give all that is due.”

“Nonsense.” I heard some rustling, and in less than two seconds, Collin was right beside me. His hands were practically buried in the rock face. “You’re doing a great job, Bella. All you have to do is watch your footing, and you’ll be fine.”

I swallowed the lump in my throat, and I felt it roll over the fear pounding in my stomach. With Collin’s words of reassurance in my thoughts, I pushed forward and pulled myself higher. I was surprised by how much easier the climbing became. Instead of feeling like a great big stone, my body was light as a feather. I felt like I could scale the wall and fly straight through the ceiling, up into the sky.

With each step, I climbed higher, and when I finally reached the rocky ceiling, I laughed. It wasn’t fake or hysterical as it had been for the past month, it was real. For just a moment, everything that had landed me in Jacksonville vanished, and it was just me and my sense of accomplishment. There was an explosive feeling of jubilation radiating from the place that had once been a deep wound. I felt whole, complete.

I turned to Collin, who was grinning at me. “I did it.”

“Congratulations,” he said and pointed toward the floor. “How are you going to get down?”

My smile faltered, but I refused to have my mood tempered by doubt. If I had been able to climb all the way up, I could certainly climb all the way down. I started down, taking careful steps to ensure I didn’t fall, but when I looked up, Collin was laughing at me.

“What?” I frowned at him. “Am I doing something wrong?”

“Watch this,” he said with a sneaky tone to his voice. As I watched, Collin curled up his body and pressed his feet against the rock wall. He then rocketed off the wall, curling through the air, and landing perfectly on the ground below. The way he twisted through the air reminded me somewhat of a cat. “Your turn.”

My face fell instantly, and I shook my head. “I don’t think so, Collin. I may be developing muscles, but there’s no way I’d survive that unscathed.”

“Come on,” he said, somewhat whiny. “I believe in you.”

I scoffed. “You can believe in me all you want. I’m still not going to do it. You’re just going to have to wait for me to climb down.”

“Come on, Bella! I’ll catch you!” I looked down and found him with his arms outstretched. “You can trust me.”

I laughed again, this time much harder than before. “You’re joking, right? Don’t you remember the trust exercise you gave me earlier? When you didn’t catch me?”

He rested his hand on the wall, shaking his head. “I told you that was about instinct and not about trust.”

“I’m not letting go, Collin,” I insisted, taking another step toward the ground.

It took about two minutes for me to climb all the way down, and when I finally reached solid ground, I took a breath of relief. Collin was scowling at me, still whining that I hadn’t let him catch me, but I simply ignored him. I was happy with what I had accomplished, and that was enough for me.

For the next few hours, Collin had me running in and out of the tunnels, through a mock obstacle course. It was a bit stressful at first. However, after getting familiar with the running, jumping, and dodging, it became much easier. By the time three o’clock came around, I was running Collin’s course like a pro.

“I’m glad you enjoyed yourself,” Collin commented on the drive home. “You did very well today, Bella.”

“Thank you,” I replied, somewhat shyly. I had never really gotten used to compliments. “You’re a pretty good teacher.”

He chuckled softly. “I try.”

When Una and Collin dropped me off at my house, it hadn’t dawned on me that I looked like a survivor of the apocalypse. The thought to bring extra clothes with me had never even crossed my mind. Thankfully, Renee and Phil were gone when I got home, which saved me from having to explain my outward appearance.

When I looked at myself in the mirror, I couldn’t help but laugh. My hair was halfway out of the band I had secured it in, I was covered in dirt, and I had a few scratches on my arms and legs, which were bleeding. I looked like a mess.

By the time I had showered and changed, Renee and Phil had returned and it was time for me to leave for work. After some brief conversation with my parents, the majority of which was used to convince them that I was tutoring all day, I grabbed the keys and my wallet, and I headed out the door.

Although it had only been a week since I had seen Nora, it felt like three months. I couldn’t help but smile when I saw her standing behind the counter, wearing a blue top, gray slacks, and a black, tailored, professional-looking jacket. She was assisting a customer but smiled at me when our eyes met.

“Hello there, stranger,” Nora said after the customer had left. Her eyes were brown again, covered by contact lenses that she would need to replace in a few hours. I tried to see if I could find any trace of her natural irises—the blood red ones—but I couldn’t. “So, should I ask why you were out for a week?”

My brow furrowed. “Collin didn’t tell you?”

She laughed derisively hand handed me a stack of books. “The Walkers don’t tell me much, Bella. Although I was with them for a long time, it’s in their nature to be aggressive toward vampires. I was the same way, although slightly more diplomatic. It was me, after all, that established the alliance with the Vampire Lords.”

“Really?” That was a bit of information that I had not heard. “I thought Shiloh would have done that.”

Nora shook her head. “Shiloh made the majority of the decisions, but when it came to diplomacy, she deferred to me.”

The inner workings of the Walkers’ hierarchies were interesting to me, and I anxiously found myself looking up at the third floor. What else did those books contain?

“So what happened exactly?” She had started reshelving books, and I carried my stack over and started doing the same. “Did you trip? Twist an ankle?”

“No,” I answered with a laugh. “Tobin took me down to the Under Passage.”

I heard a book hit the ground, and when I turned to see what had happened, Nora was frozen, a horrified look on her face.

“Nora?” I touched her arm, and she turned away from me. “Are you all right?”

“Was he punished?” Her voice was hard, unrelenting, and firm. When I informed her that he had taken his and my punishment, she was sated. “Good. He deserves much worse.”

“Una told me about his past.” I was trying to cut through the tension that had inexplicably filled the store. “Was his entire family really killed?”

“Yes,” she responded sadly. “He was a shattered individual when we found him. I sympathized with him, especially since my family was murdered in The Purge, but that’s not an excuse for erratic behavior, Bella.”

We fell into silence after that. Nora didn’t ask about the rest of my training, and I offered her no additional stories. It was so strange that after all they had been through together, the Walkers would simply cut Nora off because she had become a vampire. It was an accident, completely out of control, but it didn’t matter to them. In a way, I could relate to her. After all, the Cullens had cut me off in spite of everything we had been through together. Of course, Nora had been a valued asset to the Walkers; I had just been a burden to the Cullens.

As I straightened up the shelves, I thought about the Cullens, and I noticed that the pain was significantly diminished. I wondered what they were doing at that moment. Was Jessica with Edward? Perhaps Alice was turning her into a life-size Barbie doll, while Esme made her cookies. I swallowed the anger I felt. It wasn’t Jessica’s fault that Edward had grown tired of me.

_It wasn’t her fault that he was cruel and selfish._

I gasped. How could I have thought such a thing? I still loved Edward, and I would never begrudge him for his choices, would I? There was a hostility that accompanied any memory of him. Even the best memories—lying in the meadow, laughing and being together—were laced with aggression. Was I starting to resent Edward? Alice? The rest of the Cullens?  I didn’t know, and not knowing frustrated me.

What frustrated me even more was that I was alone with my memories. While I had been able to share some of my vampire knowledge with Collin, I still retained a great deal of it. It was a heavy burden, especially with my new found lineage. If the Walkers discovered that I loved a vampire, would I be disowned? Would I be punished?

“Are you all right?” Nora appeared around the corner, and I jumped in surprise. “I’m sorry. I forget that you’re still human and can’t hear me when I move like that.”

“It’s okay,” I murmured. “I was just lost in thought.”

“So I noticed,” Nora said and moved closer to me. “Please tell me what’s bothering you, Bella. You’re suffering—I can see it even without my gift. You can talk to me.”

I shook my head. “I’m sorry—I can’t.”

“You only think you can’t,” she insisted, taking my hands in her own. The cold temperature of her touch was painfully familiar. “If you can’t open up about it, you’ll have a difficult time with the Walkers.”

I turned away from her, wishing that she would drop the subject, but she materialized in front of me.

“I hate feeling useless, Bella.” Nora’s eyes were pleading. “I used to be the one that all the Walkers came to. I was a confidante of sorts. No one comes to me now that I am… well, now that I’m considered one of the enemy. All my loyalties still reside with Shiloh and the Walkers. You can trust me.”

My bottom lip quivered as I stared at her. I felt the walls around me begin to crumble again. Why did I carry the burden of the Cullens? How long would I suffer before I cracked? Would it really be so bad to confide in Nora? Would she tell Shiloh? I leaned against the bookshelf. Feeling the weight of my secrets crushing down on my shoulders. They were so heavy. 

I started speaking, and I couldn’t stop.

“There’s a family of vampires back in my hometown. I thought they were my friends. I thought they cared about me, but I was wrong. I thought one of them… loved me. He told me that I was his reason for existing, but it was a lie. Before I came here, he told me that he didn’t want me, and he moved on to someone else.”

Nora’s expression contorted, but not to what I expected. She looked sad, surprised, and yet, understanding. I tried to push forward, to tell her more about the family that had betrayed me, but she held up her hand, silencing me.

“You don’t need to say anymore, Bella,” Nora said softly, touching my cheek softly. “This will probably sound odd to you, but you’re more like Shiloh than you could ever possibly know.”

Her sentiment surprised me. “What?”

“You remember the pages that Shiloh had removed? The ones I was upset over?” I nodded. “They were the announcement of her marriage to a boy. She loved him, but in the end he betrayed her. He was the reason The Purge happened. His actions almost killed her.”

_His actions almost killed her… does Nora mean that? So that’s how it happened?_

“Shiloh’s scar,” I said slowly. “She got it in The Purge, didn’t she?”

“Yes.” Nora took a deep breath. “I can’t even describe it to you, Bella. I know you’ve read about it in the tomes, but those are just words on a page and carry very little gravity. Shiloh, Declan, and I lived through the screams, the fire, and the violence. That’s not something you get over. We all have scars, but Shiloh—she definitely has some of the deepest.”

“Is that why she’s so emotionless?”

“All of the Walkers have been shattered in some way,” Nora explained. “Tobin, Una, Collin, Declan, and even Riklin have known their fair share of suffering. Shiloh is… different. If you want to know why she is the way she is, Bella, you need to ask her. It’s definitely not something I can tell you.”

Nora started walking to the front of the store.

“Nora?” I called after her. “The boy who was responsible for The Purge? What happened to him?”

Nora turned back, a dark look on her face. “He came back after The Purge as a vampire.”

“He died then?”

“No.” Nora shook her head. “Shiloh let him live.”

“How could she do that? He was responsible for the massacre!” I felt a tugging at my heart. It seemed a grave injustice that so many lives were never vindicated. “Why would she let him go?”

Nora gave me a sad smile and said, “Because she still loves him.”

 

 

 


	14. Chapter Fourteen

Beta: jcat5507

Chapter 14

I ambled across Jackson High School with my hands dug deep into my hooded sweater’s pockets. It was my first day back at school in over a week, and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a little nervous. Since Collin had told me about the vampires on campus, I found myself wondering which of my classmates weren’t really human.  As I headed toward my first class, a girl passed by me. She was pretty, with long, wavy blonde hair, and the way she walked almost reminded me of Alice. Was she a vampire?  Or, the boy, the one skulking around the shrubbery surrounding the courtyard, was it even possible? They all looked so…human.

My decision to continue attending high school confused Collin. He had told me that as soon as I was changed, I would be required to cut any connection with my human life, which included Renee, Phil, and Charlie.  The proceeding fight had ended with Una driving me home while Collin stormed off into the trees to pout.

How on earth would I ever cut ties with my parents? Collin had insisted that it would be easier if I just told them the truth, but it was impossible. My mother had a wild imagination, but I had a feeling that trying to convince her that vampires existed would be easier said than done.

I still hadn’t fully committed to the idea of becoming a Walker, which was irritating me. Every time I would sit down and try to think of all the reasons I should do it, a tiny, nagging voice would throw a wrench into everything I had decided on.  There were so many reasons why I shouldn’t join them and only a handful of reasons why I should. So why was the decision so difficult?

I pushed away all thoughts of being a Walker and deserting my parents, and instead, I focused on getting to class.

Going back to school was a difficult experience. After being absent for a week, all my teachers had loaded me with a variety of missed assignments and notes. I had spent half the night struggling with them. After struggling to complete them, I had asked Collin for help, but unlike Edward and Alice, he was just as clueless as I was.

* * *

 

_“You’ve been alive for hundreds of years, Collin.” I growled at him, trying and failing to not sound irritated. “How is it that you don’t know this?”_

_He threw his hands up, and his eyebrows pulled together. “Human education isn’t a requirement in our way of life, Bella. The only ones who are educated are the Elders and the politically active family.”_

_“But you go to school,” I whined and ran my hands through my hair. “You have to know at least something.”_

_He shook his head. “Nothing that would help you.”_

 

* * *

In the end, Nora had taken pity on me and helped me with my assignments. Since she had been the diplomatic member of the Walkers, she had learned several languages and was highly educated. During the slow period at work, she had urged me to bring out my books for a study session.  Nora was an amazing tutor. She was patient, calm, and honest. In addition, she would show me shortcuts for my trigonometry class that the instructor hadn’t shown us. In just three hours, we had managed to knock out all of my assignments, including the homework that was due for the next class.

Renee drove me home after school, and I headed off to work almost immediately.  I was actually excited to get to Pages. As soon as I was caught up on homework, Nora had started using my work shifts to teach me the proper etiquette in the world of the Walkers. I was surprised and intrigued by how many rules and proprieties there were.

“When you approach your _ceannaire,_ ” Nora explained, the appropriate gesture is to take your right hand and place it over your heart, diagonally across your chest. Like this.” She laid her hand gently over her purple blouse, and she bent her head forward. “Make sure to lower your eyes, though. It’s a Receptor’s way of saying ‘I trust that you will not harm me, and I put my life in your hands.’ If you were to keep your eyes focused on Shiloh, for example, it would be insulting her.”

I nodded and committed that tiny detail to memory. The last thing I wanted to do was to insult Shiloh.

“When greeting one of our Elders, it’s somewhat different,” Nora continued. “Your _ceannaire_ will usually represent you. Here, I’ll be Shiloh for a moment.” She stood with her back to me, and in a graceful, quick movement, she bent at the waist while simultaneously bringing three fingers to the middle of her forehead and sweeping her right leg behind her in an elegant bow. She turned around so I could get a better view. “Just like before, you keep your eyes down, and do not rise until you are told to.”

Nora encouraged me to try the two greetings, and I hesitantly stepped forward. The first one wasn’t difficult at all, but for some reason, I couldn’t grasp the last. Every time I tried to sweep my right foot out the way Nora had, I felt, and probably looked, strange. Nora simply smiled and suggested that I practice in my free time, which made me feel even worse.

We took a break, and while Nora tended to some paperwork, I headed to the food court for a snack. I stared at the line of choices for what felt like the first time. There was a place that served burgers, one that offered sandwiches, two Chinese kiosks, a Gyro shop, and an Italian pizzeria. My stomach rumbled a tiny bit, and I started toward the nearest spot, which happened to be the sandwich place. There was a boy behind the counter with shaggy, brown hair, a sunburn that stretched across his face and down his neck, and a serious case of acne.

“How much do I owe you?” I pulled out my wallet and fingered the ten dollar bill my mother had given me. When he didn’t answer, I looked up and repeated, “How much?”

“Tell you what,” the boy replied, his words laced with arrogance as he leaned forward on one elbow. “I’ll trade you this fruit cup for your phone number.”

I was silent for a few seconds, too shocked to say anything. Finally, when he pushed a pen in my direction, I stammered, “I-I…beg your pardon?”

His grin twisted to the side, which made him look malevolent and just plain creepy. “I’ll give you your fruit cup if you give me your phone number.”

I paused momentarily before starting to laugh hysterically, my memory carrying me back to my first day at Forks and how Mike, Eric, and Tyler had been too willing to help me. I then recalled how all three of them had asked me to the Spring Dance in the span of four hours. The image of Edward smirking at me while it had happened threatened to appear, but the boy’s confused expression pulled me out of it.

“No, thank you,” I replied politely. “I’ll just pay for my food.”

It was strange to be this confident and self-aware, but it was definitely something I could get used to. After years of being shy and diminutive, I was ready for a change.

The boy across the counter, however, would not be deterred. “Come on. We can go out this Saturday. What do you say? I’m a nice guy, you know?”

Staring across into his hopeful eyes, I felt somewhat guilty, but it wasn’t enough guilt to make me change my mind. “Sorry. I’m not interested. Can I pay for my food now?”

“Are you with someone?” The boy pressed. All the hope in his eyes had transformed into annoyance. “Will you _boyfriend_ be upset, or something?”

I lowered my eyes, a tiny spark of pain shooing out from my heart. Although my reaction to the memories of Edward and the Cullens had started to dull, there were certain reminders that still caused me pain. “I don’t have a boyfriend—I’m just not interested.”

“Aww, come on—“

“Are you deaf, boy?” A strong, confident voice cut off the teenager, and I spun around to find Riklin standing behind me. The light from the skylights above made his golden hair look like a halo. However, the severe expression on his face made him look deadly. An avenging angel. “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice.”

“What the hell does that mean?” The boy sneered, but the cautiousness in his voice was evident. I could understand his trepidation. Besides their immense size, there was something about the Walkers that made them extremely intimidating. Perhaps it was the same quality that made humans shy away from vampires.  Even though they weren’t dangerous to humans, they were predators nonetheless.

“It means, my boy,” Riklin said in a surprisingly chipper voice, “that if you value your longevity, you will not harass her any longer. Am I clear?” The teenager nodded, and Rix turned to me. “What is your preference, Bella?”

“A…fruit cup?” I wasn’t sure where I should look, so I kept my eyes on my hands. When I noticed a large dish of fruit appear in my line of sight, I pushed a ten dollar bill to the boy. I quickly gathered my change and scurried off toward the escalators. Riklin was right behind me. “Thank you.”

“Not at all,” he answered happily, and offered me his elbow like a gentleman from a Jane Austen novel. He was looking down at me with a real, genuine smile, the one I had quickly learned that I couldn’t refuse. I linked my arm in his, and together, we headed back to Pages. “I have never cared for teenage boys, less so in the modern era. They are ridiculous, impulsive, and juvenile. Are you all right? He didn’t hurt you, did he?”

I shook my head, stifling a laugh at Rix’s voice. Unlike the other Walkers, who had no discernible accent, Riklin spoke with a clear, crisp voice. It was almost British, but not quite. “No. He just annoyed me.”

“I can imagine.” With his free hand, he pulled out a pocket watch and inspected it.

The sight of the classic time piece made me chuckle. How could someone seem so human, and yet, so out of touch with humanity?  “So what are you doing here? I figured you would be out with Una or the others.”

“She is off with the others at the moment,” he informed me. “My assignment for the day is to look after you.”

“Me?” I was a little agitated with this constant supervision. The Cullens had done it, and now, it seemed that the Walkers were doing it also. I understood that I was human and very breakable, but that didn’t mean I deserved to be treated like a child. “I know that I’m not nearly as strong as the rest of you, but that doesn’t mean I need twenty-four-seven surveillance.”

He stopped and turned to me, shocked. “If my presence has offended you, Bella, I apologize. It was not my intention, nor that of the others to alienate you in any way. If I may be so bold, I requested the task of spending time with you. While it is true that I find your world fascinating, I have never encountered a still-human receptor before. I never had the chance to become familiar with the others Collin brought to Shiloh.”

_The others. The ones who died._ I swallowed heavily and pushed down the rising anxiety. Collin had told me that I had nothing to worry about in regards to the change, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t still thinking about it.

“If I have angered you, please say so. I will leave you in peace if that is the case.”

I shook my head, my cheeks now flushed with embarrassment. “It’s all right, Rix. I’m sorry I overreacted. It’s just that…well, there were a few people in my past who liked to treat me like a child sometimes. I didn’t realize until just now how offensive it was.”

“You may not believe this,” he remarked, “but I understand where you’re coming from.”

We walked in silence for a few minutes, as I wasn’t sure what to say to him. I had only spoken to him twice in the past three weeks, and we were far from being close. Although, I would be the first to admit that I favored him more than Una or Tobin. Una constantly glared at me, and I tried to avoid Tobin at all costs. There had been three encounters between Tobin and me in the past three weeks, and the most I had gotten out of him was a few mumbled apologies and all the awkward silence I could ever want.

Riklin, on the other hand, was the nicest person I had ever met. He even rivaled Carlisle in his gentle nature and elegant demeanor. If there was a solid definition of a gentleman, Riklin would be it. He kept a respectable distance when we walked together, and he always expressed interest in my life. Even the little things mattered to him. He had once sat beside me, in quiet awe, as I explained my first day of elementary school. He had been privately tutored, so the idea of attending a school with peers was amazing to him.

Through Riklin, I had also learned a bit more about the Walkers. I had thought for certain that Shiloh and her pack of Receptors were an exception. Since the majority of the other Walkers lived in the Swedish Colony, and since Collin had told me that she was considered a rebel, I had assumed that the others of their kind were like vampires—at home in the human world. I was wrong. The Pure Blood Walkers rejected the human world as much as possible, and they avoided them at all costs. There were exceptions, but, all in all, Shiloh and her ancestors all lived a reclusive life.

“So what is Nora instructing you on today, Bella?” Riklin asked pleasantly. “Have you happened to read through the tomes yet?”

“Not yet. I’m reading those a little at a time,” I answered. “Today, Nora’s been teaching me different greetings for different people. She taught me how a subordinate greets their _ceannaire_ , and she started showing me how to acknowledge the Elders.”

“Wonderful,” he cheered, and even though I wasn’t watching him, I could hear the joy in his voice. How was it that he could be so different than the rest of them? He was so happy and positive. The rest of the Walkers seemed to be trapped in a near constant cloud of depression. “The greetings are extremely important, Bella. The Walkers have a strict sense of propriety, and they observe it in all aspects of their lives. For example, if Collin wished to spend time with you alone—after you became one of us, that is—he would have to make a request to Shiloh before he even approached you.”

“Really?”  That seemed odd. “Was it like that for you and Una?”

“Oh, you have no idea,” Riklin answered, laughing. “I knew that Una was meant for me, and I for her, almost immediately. I approached Shiloh and requested some time to get to know Una—to court her, if you will—but Shiloh refused me. She offered me a compromise. I would be allowed to spend time with Una, but only in the presence of a chaperone, which, all things considered, was fair.”

“That’s nice,” I commented. “So when did she let you…uh…court Una?”

“Five years later,” Riklin answered, and he laughed when I gasped. “Time passes quickly for our kind, Bella. Five years was nothing, especially when I was in her company.”

“What happened?” I asked. “What changed, I mean? Why did Shiloh allow you to pursue her?”

“I am not entirely sure,” he replied, shrugging. “Perhaps I was able to prove my loyalty to her. Then again, she may have tired of all the pent up attraction and tension between Una and me.”

I nodded, understanding what he meant about the tension that could arise between two people who were in love, but I quickly pushed that thought away. While Riklin’s feelings had been reciprocated, mine had not. I stewed internally, angry that Edward had led me on, but I tried to keep a smile on my face. It wasn’t Rix’s fault that he had reminded me of a painful truth.

We found our way to Pages, and instead of heading in, I took a seat on a bench located just outside the store. Rix kept me company while I devoured the fruit cup. He was so pleasant to have around, and I actually felt a tiny bit attracted to him, but it wasn’t romantic or sexual attraction. Even though he was half-vampire, Rix was warm, and life practically radiated from his every pore. He drew in darkness, suffering and depression, and converted it to pure, white light. Maybe that was why I felt drawn to him. He made me feel a little less broken.

“Can I ask you something, Rix?” I focused on the fruit cup in my hands, knowing that, should I look him in the eye, I would become as red as a tomato. He acquiesced and said I could ask him anything, so I proceeded. “You and Dex seem so different than Shiloh, even though you’re all pure bloods. Why is that?”

He shrugged. “Shiloh and Declan grew up in an entirely different world than I, Bella.”

“A different world?” From what I had learned from Collin and the tomes, I knew that Shiloh and Dex were second generation pure bloods and were raised with the “old ways,” whatever that meant. However, that didn’t explain why she was so removed from the world. There were times when it seemed like she was simply an observer to life, just watching everything pass by. “How old are you?”

He smirked proudly. “I will be forty eight next year.”

My brow furrowed in confusion. All the other Walkers were over two hundred years old; I had expected Rix to be the same. “So young?”

He raised an eyebrow. “Were you expecting someone of Collin’s age range?”

“Well,” I started, feeling a bit flustered. “Yes.”

“No need to be hesitant, Bella,” he answered, smiling. “I was something of a surprise to my parents. There is a strict rule on procreation in the Colony. It is to prevent overcrowding. I believe I have made my mother and father proud, though.”

I wanted to ask him more about the Swedish Colony and what it was like living there, but I decided it was a discussion for another time. To be honest, I really wanted to hear more about Shiloh, so I pressed on.

“I know that Shiloh and Dex were born around the same time,” I said. “I just don’t understand why he is so personable and she…isn’t. I’ve met him only once, and I think he smiled more than Shiloh ever has. I’ve never seen her come close to smiling before.”

“She has a good excuse not to,” he interjected but stopped speaking as soon as the words left his mouth. Rix sat there for a moment, silently staring at me, and just when I started thinking about heading back to Pages, he said, “Shiloh has had her share of suffering, Bella. Unfortunately, I cannot be the one to share her history with you. It’s very personal.”

“I know that she got that scar from The Purge,” I insisted, growing a bit irritated by his evasiveness. “What more is there?”

“Much more,” he answered hesitantly. “She has endured what should never be endured.”

“And you won’t tell me?”

His smile was apologetic. “I cannot. I’m sorry.”

My brow furrowed. “I’ve been told the same thing by you and Collin, Rix. How will I ever know what made her that way if no one will tell me?”

“When you learn not to be frightened of her.” He gave me a pointed look. “Do not make the mistake of thinking we have not seen it in your eyes. You are terrified of her very presence, and you need not be. She is not your enemy.”

I shook my head. “It’s hard. When she looks at me, it feels like I’m being, I don’t know, measured.”

“Measured?” Rix was thoughtful for a few moments before he started to nod. “Yes, I think that is an appropriate judgment to make.” He took in my confused expression and smiled softly. “Do not fear her, Bella. Although she may never show it, Shiloh cares for you. She would not have punished Tobin so severely if she did not.”

“That’s just it,” I said, throwing my hands up. “I’m not sure if I want to be part of a world where I could be punished for disobeying someone, Rix. Giving someone else power over me isn’t something I dreamed about as a child.”

“You misunderstand Shiloh, Bella. She is not some tyrannical sadist who enjoys inflicting pain and suffering on those who serve her. The harshest of punishments are reserved for the worst of trespasses. Do you understand?” I stared at him blankly. “My _ceannaire_ is very patient and not quick to anger. If you are genuinely remorseful for your actions, she will be lenient. Most importantly, do not blame yourself for what happened to Tobin. It would have happened eventually. You were unfortunately the catalyst that forced Shiloh’s hand.”

I sat quietly, ruminating over what he had told me, and I actually started to feel better. The hesitation that I had felt had receded and my confidence had returned. Even though he didn’t know me, Rix had faith in me, as did Collin, and according to both of them, Shiloh did too. How was it that so many strangers could believe in me, but I still kept them at arms’ length?

_I’m scared that they will walk away from me like the Cullens did._

It was then that I realized that I couldn’t continue blaming my past for everything that happened to me. The Walkers had suffered immeasurable amounts of pain and anguish throughout their lives, but I had yet to see one of them curl into a ball and wish to disappear. They relied on one another, and they pressed on. Could I do the same? In becoming one of them, would I be able to shed the heavy coat of grief that I had made for myself?

Only time could tell.

Riklin was sitting quietly and patiently beside me, and it dawned on me that I had been sitting there, without saying anything, for almost five minutes straight. I started babbling a multitude of sounds, wanting to keep the conversation going, and I finally said the first actual sentence that came to mind.

“Why doesn’t Una like me?”

I balked at the choice my brain had made and nervously awaited his response. Riklin was a gentleman, but he was also honest. Was there an appropriate way of saying, “My soul mate thinks you’re a nuisance”?

Rix drew in a long breath. “Una is very temperamental, Bella. I wouldn’t go so far as to say she does not like you, but she is suspicious of you. Like Shiloh, my Una has many layers, but they are layers only she can show in her due time. I am sorry to continually give you such vague answers, but I am afraid Una would be cross with me if she discovered that I had exposed her secrets.”

“I understand,” I responded, disappointed. “It’s just weird. One moment, she’ll be opening up to me and actually being somewhat nice, and then, she’ll glare at me and close off again.”

“It has nothing to do with you, Bella,” Riklin assured me. “She does not approve of what Collin is doing with you.”

I sighed. “I’ve been hearing that a lot lately.”

That was pretty much where our conversation ended. Before I could interrogate him for more answers, Nora poked her head out of Pages and called me back to work. So I said goodbye to Riklin and headed back to work.

The rest of my shift was a flurry of activity. At seven, more customers filtered into the store, and I found myself busier than ever. For the first hour, I was stationed at the cash register, but I soon had to help customers on the floor as well. I was grateful when Nora escorted the last customer out of the store and locked the door. We both laughed as we counted the drawer and divided out the nightly deposit, making fun of a few irritating customers. It felt good to laugh with someone.

I took my time driving home, savoring the last of a pleasant high. After we had closed up and dropped the night’s wages in the bank’s Night Deposit slot, Nora had walked me to my car, and the two of us giggled and joked the entire way there. For four hours, I had felt whole and complete, like I actually belonged somewhere. It was an invigorating feeling.

When I pulled into the driveway and climbed out of the car, I felt a tingle of energy run up my spine. I rolled my eyes and smiled into the darkness. “Who’s there?”

A twig snapped, and a long, familiar figure turned the corner. Collin.  This was his usual way of greeting me after I got off work. It had freaked me out the first couple of times, but now I expected it.

He approached me, wearing his usual black long sleeve shirt, tattered jeans, and knee high boots, and he ran a hand through his hair. “Change your clothes,” he said. “We’re going out tonight.”

“Going out?” I crooked an eyebrow playfully. Since I had spent more time around him, our relationship had taken on a completely different context. I considered him a very close friend, someone I could laugh with, and I wasn’t ashamed to tease him.  “Are you asking me out on a date, Collin?”

“If you call hunting leeches a date, then yes, I am.” He motioned toward the front door. “Go change into something durable.”

I froze when he informed me of the activity we would be partaking in. Hunting. Collin was taking me hunting. I had to struggle to keep from skipping in the house. My heart was fluttering, and my stomach was contracting in nervousness. My conscience insisted that this was a bad idea, but the rest of me was too excited to care. Since Edward had informed me on his hunting habits, I had desperately wanted to see what it was like. I began to wonder if hunting was the same for the Walkers as it was for vampires. Seeing how Edward had never taken me on a hunt, I had nothing really to compare it to.

Picking a “durable” outfit was a daunting task, given that I wasn’t sure what Collin actually meant by “durable.” I ultimately decided on a long-sleeved shirt, jeans, and my tennis shoes. When I was completely dressed, I locked my bedroom door, turned off the light and opened my window. I had made sure to tell Renee and Phil that I wasn’t feeling well and would be going to sleep early. The last thing I needed was for them to find out that I was sneaking out at night.

Collin was leaning against one of my neighbors’ mailboxes, and as soon as I was out the window, I dashed toward him. He smiled broadly as I approached, and I felt my mouth reciprocate with a wide grin.

“Are you ready?” He asked, and I nodded. “All right, there are a few things I need to explain first. This is the last day before _fuil aimsir_ starts. This hunt will last all night long, but if you get tired, I’ll take you home. All you have to do is ask.” I breathed a sigh of relief. I didn’t relish the idea of spending eight hours on the streets. “Second, you’ll be observing tonight. Out of harm’s way, of course.”

“And, where will that be?” I was curious if I would be required to watch from a rooftop. Or, perhaps they would video tape themselves hunting and show it to me later. I hoped for something more hands on.  

“I’ll figure that out when we get there,” he answered. “Now, let’s get going.”

Without asking, he lifted me up into his arms and took off. The wind rushed past us, and I instinctively closed my eyes. My ears were filled with the loud, whooshing sounds of my heart, mixed with the noise of the city, and when it all subsided, and I was able to open my eyes again, we had arrived somewhere downtown. The buildings were high, the walls were cement, and I could smell the urban environment.

The Walkers were gathered in an empty alleyway. Una and Rix were standing side by side, Tobin was leaning against a wall next to Dex, but Shiloh was nowhere to be seen. Before I could question her disappearance, a black shadowy object dropped five stories, from the top of one of the buildings, and landed in the middle of the hunters. Shiloh had arrived.

“Gather.” Her voice was strong, and the entire group circled around her. As she spoke to each of the Walkers, she handed them a large, shiny urn. It was silver and about three feet long. “Una, Riklin, to the West. Tobin, Declan, to the South.”

Sensing my confusion, Collin leaned in and whispered, “She’s telling everyone where they should hunt. These are areas that have a high population of renegade newborns. Those containers are meant to store the venom.”

“Collin.” Shiloh’s voice thickened, and we both found her staring at us with a severe expression. She tossed us a large silver container. “Southwest.”

The Walkers dispersed as soon as the area allocations were finished. They vanished quickly, disappearing like mist, and all that was left was Collin and me. I looked up at him curiously, wondering what we were going to do first, and he smiled down at me. Very slowly he turned around and knelt to the ground with his back to me. I groaned, knowing exactly what he was suggesting, and after a moment of quiet deliberation, I climbed on his back. He tucked the container under one arm before he took off.

Collin skirted through the alleyways of the city, bypassing the homeless, and he eventually came to a stop in an empty part of the city. The streets were bare, and there was no sign of life. It felt as if we had stumbled on a ghost town. He let me slide off his back, and the two of us walked to the middle of the street. There, he paused and turned his ear to the wind, listening and breathing in a slow, rhythmic pace.

We stood there for about five minutes before I started to grow restless. I leaned into Collin and whispered, “What’s going on?”

“Shhh!” He closed his eyes and muttered, “This wasn’t supposed to happen.”

I lowered my voice and asked, “What wasn’t supposed to happen?”

He inclined his head to me and pointed up. “ _We’re_ being hunted. They’re on the rooftops. I count at least two.”

I swallowed loudly, then very carefully, I glanced up. The rooftops were shrouded in shadows, but as I squinted, I made out the distinct shape of a human body. It was standing on the very edge of one of the buildings, and although it was dark, I could tell that it was watching us. An eerie feeling crept up my spine, and my body broke out into goose bumps. It felt like we were standing in the middle of a lion’s den.

“It’s all right.” Collin placed a hand on my shoulder, and he handed me the silver urn. “They’re alone. I had hoped to get the jump on them, but that’s not going to happen apparently. I need you to stand behind me.”

I obediently took my position behind him, and when I peered around his shoulder, trying to see if I could see the figure on the edge of the building, I gasped. Two figures were standing less than twenty feet away from us. One of them was a man with dark skin and shoulder length hair, and the other was a dark-haired female. They stood there motionlessly, looking like a pair of statues that someone had forgotten to move, but I could feel their gaze resting on me. What would happen now?

The next few seconds moved together simultaneously, as the vampires went from statues to full blown train engines in the blink of an eye. An ear-splitting screech cut through the silence, and as they came forward, Collin’s hand swooped back and planted on my chest, sending me flying backward. I hit the concrete with a thud, but the adrenaline coursing through denied me from feeling any pain. I tried to follow the fight happening before me, but it was almost impossible. Collin and the unnamed vampires were moving too fast.

And then, it was over.

The blur of movement came to a halt, and the only thing I could see was Collin. He was standing in the street, his chest rising and falling, and the two vampires’ heads were secure in his hands, their bodies strewn about his feet. He dropped the decapitated heads and knelt down to the bodies.

“Bella,” he called, motioning for me to come closer. “Bring me the urn.”

I moved hesitantly across the street, feeling somewhat numb about what I had just encountered, and handed him the container. I stood back and watched as he lifted one of the vampires’ bodies, and drained a clear liquid into the large container. He had made an incision on the ankle, so the venom flowed freely. I sniffed the air, trying to see if I could smell it, and I balked at the sickly, sweet stench that permeated my sinuses. How could Collin stand it?

It took less than two minutes to drain both of the vampires, and once he was done, Collin dropped a match on them both. Their bodies ignited immediately, becoming a blazing inferno before my very eyes. I watched as the flames turned bright blue, possibly because of the remaining venom, but I screwed my nose when I smelled the rotten egg stench. Fresh venom smelled violently sweet; burning venom stank like natural gas.

“Bella, we have to go,” Collin insisted, tightening the cap on the urn. “I have to drop this off with Shiloh and get another.”

I climbed on his back, and with one last look at the fire, which was rapidly dying down, we hurried back to where the Walkers had met. Shiloh was leaning against one of the walls when we returned. She took the urn from Collin and gave him another. While this interchange was taking place, I leaned to the side and spied about ten of those containers. Did they plan on filling all of those up?

After an hour, it was apparent that “hunting,” for the Walkers, was nothing more than gathering venom in jars. Collin moved too fast for me to actually see him kill the vampires, which disappointed me terribly.

Realizing that there would be no more excitement, I requested that Collin take me home. He agreed, but explained he had to finish filling up his last urn. “After that,” he said, “I’ll take you back to your house.”

I sat on the sidewalk as he maimed another pair of newborns. However, one of them, a small, childlike girl, escaped from Collin’s grasp and vanished down an alley. He beheaded the vampire in his arms and growled as he stalked after the one that had gotten away.

“Bella, I’ll be right back,” Collin called over his shoulder, and before I could stop him, he disappeared into the darkness.

A chill crept up my spine, and I wrapped my arms around my legs and rocked back and forth. Why had he left me here? Wasn’t this place still considered dangerous? I turned my ear to the wind, listening for any sign that he was returning, but all I heard was the wind and of cars honking in the distance. I was completely alone.

I had been sitting there for a few minutes, when a strange scratching noise caught my attention. It was followed by the sound of tiny rocks falling from above me. I turned my gaze up, and I stifled a scream. There were three vampires climbing down the side of the building. They had ignored the fire escape, and instead, they were crawling down the stone wall like insects. I couldn’t tell if they had seen me yet, so I kept perfectly still. In one leap, they dropped at least twenty feet to the pavement and landed quietly. They approached the headless body in the middle of the street.

Very slowly, and as silently as I could manage, I scooted away from them. I hid behind two large trashcans. The vampires didn’t seem to notice.

“Another one,” a raspy voice said. “Looks like all six of them are out tonight.”

“Is it that time of the month already?” Another voice, this one deeper, interjected. “I can’t wait ‘til tomorrow. I’m starving.”

I took deep, measured breaths. I had to keep my heart from pounding.

“What’s with this treaty, anyway?” Raspy complained. “There are only six of them. Why should we be the ones sneaking around?”

“I agree,” The third vampire, this one with a nasally voice, said quickly. “I wonder if those lawmakers know about them. You know? The ones in Italy?”

“Don’t mention them,” Raspy hissed. “Last time they were here, my entire coven was sacked.”

“Mine too.”

“And mine.”

I was frozen against the concrete wall, swallowing big mouthfuls of air. Where on earth was Collin? These three vampires were different than the ones Collin had been killing all night. I could tell. They were—what had Collin called them?—seasoned leeches, not newborns. That thought brought very little comfort. Regardless of age, they were still dangerous.

“Well, let’s get going,” Nasally insisted. “I don’t want to be here when they come back.”

My body started to relax when I heard their footsteps leading away from me, and their conversation faded away.

I was just about to get up, when a deep voice from above me said, “Good evening, pretty lady.”

Two large hands grabbed my shoulders, and I was tossed into the middle of the street. My breath left me as I rolled.  I coughed deeply, tasting blood in my mouth. A searing hot pain shot through my back.

“Look what we have here,” the deep voice bellowed, and I heard an echo of laughter. “A nice little snack.”

I looked up and realized that I was surrounded by all three of the vampires. They looked down at me with hunger in their eyes, and they laughed when I tried to break away from them.

“She’s barely a snack,” Nasally remarked, poking me with a finger. “There’s hardly any meat on her.”

“Not here!” Raspy interjected and wrapped his fingers around my neck, lifting me off my feet. “Those hunters will be back soon. We should move this to a more proper venue.”

The three of them cackled, and with a sorrowful look at the dark passage where Collin had vanished, I was carried away into the night. They argued throughout the journey, trying to determine how they would split me. Deep Voice insisted that, since he found me, he should be the one to drink from me. Nasally and Raspy hated that idea, and they quickly denounced it.

The arguing became too much, and they stopped in an alley. I was tossed to the ground and told not to move, as they continued discussing my fate amongst themselves. My body was throbbing, but I ignored the pain and tried to think of a way to escape. I glanced back at my captors. They were heavily invested in their fight. I looked around the alleyway; it did not dead end. There were two narrow passageways that divided in different directions. Would I be able to make it without them noticing my disappearance?

I started scooting backward. Just a little at a time. I paused to make sure they hadn’t noticed. When they continued fighting with each other, I started moving again. After a minute, I had reached the edge of the first passageway. I glanced down the path. There was a gate, and beyond that, a street. Very slowly and quietly, I rose to my feet. Would I be able to get enough speed? I had been testing my abilities, but they weren’t always reliable. I didn’t care. I had to try.

“We’ll fight for her, how about that?” Nasally growled, and I turned just in time to meet his gaze.”Grab her!”

I pushed forward with as much strength as I could manage. The world was a blur around me, and a small bit of hope blossomed in my chest. Would I make it? Unfortunately, as the chain-linked fence approached, one of my captors reached out and grabbed my foot. I tumbled forward and hit the gate, which slashed at my face. I felt someone grip the back of my shirt, and I realized that this was it.

Surprisingly enough, as I stared into the face of my demise, all I could think of was Collin and the others. I thought of Riklin and how nice he had been. He had made me feel wanted and appreciated again. The same could be said for Collin. I felt a burning in my stomach when I thought of how Collin would react to my death. He would get over it. Shiloh would help him. They would all help each other get over it, because that was how they worked. They were a unit. Hurt one, and they all hurt. 

There were no thoughts of vampires living in Forks, and no tears for the memories of kisses and embraces in a meadow. There was only me, my killer, and the Walkers in my mind.

I closed my eyes. _I’m sorry…Goodbye Collin…_

My body fell against the concrete, and my head hit the ground with a hard thud. The impact forced my eyes open, and I gasped at what I saw. The three vampires were about twenty feet away, growling and snapping, and standing above me was a tall, lean figure. It took only five seconds for me to realize who it was. Her short, jet black hair glistened in the night, and her pallid skin seemed to glow in the moonlight.

Shiloh.

There was a moment of silence before the world collapsed. A collection of quiet seconds that filled the space like a gentle wind, but as soon as it was gone, the carnage began. It started with one of the vampires lurching forward, trying to dance around the Walkers’ leader and get to me. In one elegant movement, Shiloh wrapped both her arms around the assailant’s head and pulled. His head popped off like a wine cork, and it rolled a few feet away.

The other two vampires let out angry cries and rushed toward us, but Shiloh was prepared. Her entire body leaned to the left, as her right foot connected with the cheek of the first vampire. He flew backward into a pile of large trashcans, while she gripped the second around the neck. With an easy twist, she beheaded a second vampire. All that was left was the third.

“I don’t want any trouble,” the vampire said, backing up. His hands were in the air as if Shiloh were had a gun pointed at him. “Let’s forget this happened.”

Shiloh stopped her advance and cocked her head to the side. After a moment of what seemed like quiet deliberation, she turned her back on him. I gasped. Was she really going to let him go free?  However, as she turned to face me, a large shadow connected with the vampire and took him down. There was a sharp scream before the dark figure rose from the ground and extended to his full height.

It was Dex.

“Are you all right?” Shiloh’s voice, although monotone, was strangely comforting. She offered me a hand and pulled me to my feet, staring at me as I dusted off my clothes. “You’re bleeding.”

I ran a hand across my face, and I felt some wetness and a twinge of pain. I groaned. That was another mark I would have to lie to Renee about. I looked up at Shiloh, and I felt something unfurl in my chest. Shiloh had saved my life. Me, the insignificant human. Rix’s words came rushing back to me, and I fought against the warring emotions inside me. _Shiloh cares for you._ Was it even possible?

“Bella!” I recognized Collin’s panicked voice. He appeared around the corner and wasted no time in rushing over to me. He pulled me into a tight hug which both thrilled and confused me. “My God, are you all right?”

“Yes.” I pulled away. “Thanks to Shiloh.”

“And, no thanks to you.” Dex’s voice was thick and menacing. In two long strides, Dex had crossed to us and had grabbed Collin by the neck. The tall man had no issue with lifting Collin off his feet and into the air. “You should be ashamed—.”

“Declan.” Shiloh’s voice was calm, but firm. Dex didn’t look at her, but he released Collin almost immediately. He stalked over to Shiloh wordlessly and stood behind her. Collin, however, started to babble about chasing down a rogue leech. “Silence.”

“Please, Shiloh, please listen to me. I recognized her. She would have gossiped to everyone. I had to run her down. It was the only way to keep Bella safe and—“

“Silence!” The force of Shiloh’s voice echoed through the alleyway, and I took a step back. She looked absolutely furious—her eyes were blazing, and her posture was rigid—and before Collin could speak again, she marched toward him. “You would dare speak to me about the wellbeing of another? You would approach _your_ _ceannaire_ with your audacious and selfish excuses for the injuries that Bella has sustained this night? Do you think me incompetent? Do you think me a fool?”

“No. I don’t.” He tried again. “Please, if I can just exp—“

“Silence!” She roared. They were now standing eye to eye. When she spoke, her voice was soft, yet firm again. “Down. Now.”

Without hesitating, Collin dropped to his knees. He lowered his head and placed both hands on his thighs. I had seen similar postures in movies before. It was a pose of submission.

“I entrusted a task to you, a very delicate one, and you have spat in my face continuously. You have taken the role given to you and perverted it, defiled it with your foolishness. Most importantly, you almost killed the receptor in your charge. How convenient for you that she was resourceful and able to elude the leeches that caught her. Could that mean that you have done something right, or that she is much stronger than you give her credit for?  The answer, I do not know. What I do know is that you are not entirely at fault. Part of the blame rests with me.”

“Permission to speak.” Collin kept his eyes on the ground.

Shiloh cocked her head to this side. “I am quite curious to hear what happened, but no, permission is not granted.”

He nodded.

“As I said, part of the blame is on my shoulders. It all started with the mandate I issued and was set into motion when I handed you my role. I see my grievous error, and I intend to rectify it.”

She craned her neck in my direction, and I felt my stomach tighten. Perhaps she regretted instructing Collin to protect me, and just maybe she wished Jillian had killed me. The look in her eyes—that look of finality—made me afraid. Was she going to kill me here and now?

“Shiloh?” Dex stepped forward. “What shall the punishment be?”

She looked down at Collin. “This is his first trespass. So he shall receive one.” She grabbed Dex by the arm as her eyes found me. “Make it count.”

_Not this. Not again._ Knowing that I had some part in Tobin’s punishment made me feel terrible, and I knew that I would never forgive myself if the same happened to Collin. A surge of confidence welled in me, and before I could comprehend what I was doing, I was moving toward Shiloh and Dex.

“Wait!” I froze when both Dex and Shiloh turned to me, and I babbled a bit before I got my bearings. What was I doing? Was I out of my mind? Why was I stepping in for Collin? He had saved me, that much was true, but was I really ready to jump into the void for him? The pounding of my heart and the determination of my spirit said yes.  “It wasn’t completely Collin’s fault. I came here willingly, even though I knew it would be dangerous. He doesn’t deserve all the blame.”

Shiloh’s expression was blank, and I fidgeted nervously as I waited for her to say something.

Finally, she shook her head. “Collin. Rise.”

He was off his knees in less than a millisecond, and he looked somewhat perplexed.

“It has been pointed out that your punishment would be unfairly given. And, due to her human form, I cannot reprimand her in a means that is equal to yours. There shall be none for either of you.” Her gaze sharpened. “But rest assured, nothing like this will happen again. Do you agree?”

“Yes,” I said. “I’m sorry.”

The look that Shiloh reciprocated my words with almost made me laugh. She looked absolutely confused. Her brow pulled together, and she cocked her head to one side. For a moment, she looked like a dog tilting its head to the side when it was confused.

Collin laughed. “Shiloh isn’t used to those words.”

He stepped in front of me, and in a graceful manner, he bent at his waist and extended both arms out. I remembered going over a few of the salutes with Nora, but this was one I had yet to learn. Collin straightened up, and Shiloh, just as elegantly as him, bent forward in a slow, regal bow. The entire exchange was silent, haunting, and yet, resplendent.

“Now there is another matter to discuss,” Shiloh said, addressing Collin and me with her eyes. “I simply cannot allow this mockery of the ancient ways. You have pushed her too far, Collin, and in doing so, she could have been injured. Therefore, I am removing you as Bella’s _múinteoir._ ”

A _múinteoir_ , as Collin had told me, was a teacher—someone who instructed a receptor on the ways and methods of the Walkers. If Collin was being demoted, who would train me? Was Shiloh suggesting that I simply forget about joining them? Would I be rejected by the Walkers?

“Please, Shiloh,” Collin pleaded emphatically. “She needs to be trained in order to survive. Even if she doesn’t join us, she could still be identified as a receptor. It’s not safe.”

Shiloh raised her hand, silencing him. “Bella will be trained, but not by a reckless boy.”

“Then who…” His face brightened suddenly. “Really?”

“Yes.” Shiloh nodded and turned to me. “I will train Bella.”

 


	15. Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Fifteen 

I stood there for a moment, dumbstruck, and everything seemed to move in slow motion. Collin smiled, Dex nodded in response to the decision, and Shiloh turned to face me. There was a distinct difference, a change in her demeanor, as she approached me. Her eyes were alit with curiosity and interest, and her skin seemed a bit more luminous in the moonlight, but what stood out most of all were her lips. The tips of her mouth were on the cusp of turning up, moments from creating the smile that I had never seen her shed. However, as she grew closer, her typical passive mask returned.

“Before this is to happen,” Shiloh said, her voice significantly quieter now. The curious spark in her gaze has dulled into a blunt passiveness. “Are you aware of your responsibilities, Bella?”

My eyes instinctively went to Collin, but he made no effort to fill me in on what Shiloh was talking about.  I frowned at him, but instead of stepping forward, he took two steps back and shook his head. However, instead of feeling affronted or abandoned, I felt an overwhelming rush of understanding flood my soul. It was then that I realized Collin would no longer be there to answer my questions. I wouldn’t be able to run and hide when Shiloh appeared. His part in this story was over. It was Shiloh’s turn to take over.

Knowing she was still expecting a response, and realizing that I had no idea what she was talking about, I decided that vague answers wouldn’t help me. I had to be completely, one hundred percent honest. “No. I’m not aware of them.”

To my surprise, no look of shock passed across Shiloh’s face, and there was almost no physical reaction to my reply. The Walkers’ leader merely nodded and said, “Very well. We shall begin now.”

She walked away from me, but I could still hear her voice as though she were standing beside me.

 “Training to become a Walker is an arduous task, but it is not without reward. You shall have the support of my receptors, and they will be at your disposal. If there is ever a time where you need assistance, you need only call out, and help will come. I understand that you are unaware of what life is like for us, and I can respect that you are wary of it. It is only natural that you fear what you do not understand.”

“I’m not afraid of you guys,” I answered instinctively, feeling somewhat irritated that I was assumed to be a weak, nervous human. My past was filled with vampires—good and bad. There was no way I was going to stand there and be considered a frail, little mortal any longer. Of course, as soon as I realized that I had interrupted Shiloh—this happened when I spied Collin quickly shaking his head at me—my heart skipped a beat, and I immediately started to apologize. “I’m s-sorry for interrupting, Shiloh. I’m not used to this. Pl-please continue.”

It was difficult to determine if Shiloh had accepted my apology or not; her face was a stone, emotionless mask. As I stood there, she took a couple steps in my direction, and I felt a tiny drop of sweat trickle down my cheek and land on my shoe with a tiny “pop.” If what I saw was correct, Shiloh followed the tiny bead all the way down to the ground, before redirecting her attention to me.

“You will be required to relinquish any mortal attachments,” Shiloh continued, and my stomach tightened when she added, “This includes any relationships you may have acquired.”

_Mom…Phil…Charlie._ While I had been ready to give up my parents for Edward, I had yet to decide if I was ready to commit to the Walkers. Although this had started out as a way to retain some link to the Cullens, my feelings had changed. More importantly, if I did decide to embrace the Walkers’ way of life, if I chose to join them, there was no way I could successfully disappear. Charlie would never stop looking for me. He had been calling every day since I had come to Jacksonville, and he showed no signs of stopping. I wasn’t ready to talk to him yet.

 “Shiloh, if I may protest,” Collin interjected, moving to my side. She stopped her speech and turned abruptly to him. “Bella has family that is still living. It would cause quite a scene if she were to suddenly disappear. Perhaps we can stay here for the duration of her training.”

_Stay here?_ I frowned. “I don’t understand. Where would we go?”

“All Walkers are trained in the presence of the elders,” Shiloh answered me. “It is the ancient way. Every Walker who serves me has been properly instructed in The Colony.”

“The Colony? In Sweden?” I couldn’t hide the shock from lacing through my voice. There was no way I could go to Europe. What about my parents? What about my life? What about school? Collin’s words on his own poor education came back to me, and I felt myself quaking with incredulity. “I can’t do that, Shiloh. I’m sorry. I know that this is the way of things, and I really don’t mean to disrespect you, but I have a life here. My father is the chief of police up in Washington. He would go out of his mind if I suddenly disappeared. He would spend the rest of his life looking for me.”

Shiloh’s expression remained unchanging. “Humans are not immortal, Bella. Your father is no exception. When he dies, your memory will die with him.”

I reeled back, overwhelmed by the sheer lack of humanity that Shiloh had just displayed. Collin had informed me of how detached she could be, but I hadn’t been ready for such a callously honest statement. I lowered my eyes and wrapped my arms around my stomach, feeling cowed, depressed, and offended. Was that what I could expect from Shiloh? Uncaring regard for my personal life? Collin had insisted that she loved each and every one of them, but I just couldn’t believe it.

There was a beat of silence, and the only thing I could hear was the wind rushing through the alley.

“Collin, Declan,” Shiloh said, her voice firm and authoritative. “Be at leisure.”

I raised my eyes slowly and noticed that they had both vanished, leaving me alone with Shiloh. My stomach knotted tighter, and I groaned as she approached me. Would she kill me for my insolence? Would she tell me that I wasn’t fit to be a Walker? I had no idea what was going to happen, and that lack of knowledge scared me more than the vampire hunter standing before me.

“I must ask you a question, Bella,” Shiloh said, stopping three feet away from me. “Please answer me honestly. Do you wish to become one of us?”

I opened my mouth, ready to tell her that I didn’t want to be a part of them. I planned on apologizing for wasting her time and begging her not to kill me; however, when I attempted to speak, no sound came out. I tried again, and this time, three words slipped out: “I don’t know.”

“I see,” Shiloh said, and she turned away and began pacing the width of the alley.

As I watched her move silently and gracefully, I felt something inside of me cave. Just as they had with Nora, a torrent of words came tumbling out of my mouth. “I’m so sorry, Shiloh. I know this should be an easy decision for me, but it’s not. There are so many reasons for me to become like you, but there are so many reasons not to. I’m just…confused.”

My cheeks flushed in response to the embarrassment that washed through me. What on earth was wrong with me? Shiloh was almost one thousand years old; I was fairly certain she had no desire to hear about my confusion. However, one look at Shiloh told me that my assessment was far from accurate. Her previously hard, emotionless demeanor held the slightest bit of compassion. I could see a bit of warmth behind her eyes, and the tips of her mouth were moving slightly. The tiniest hint of a smile, or what would eventually formulate into one. Somehow, my words had touched her. What had I said exactly?

“This is a precarious situation,” Shiloh said quietly, and as she regarded me with a curious expression, she exhaled heavily. “There is only one alternative to this conundrum. A compromise.”

My body tensed. “What kind of a compromise?”

“For the next three months, I will train you here in Jacksonville. Although I have never done such a thing, I understand that you have…requirements here,” Shiloh informed me, and I felt a bit of the tension dissipate. “If, after three months, you feel that our way of life is unharmonious to your wants and desires, we will leave you in peace. Furthermore, should you decide to remain human, you and your family will remain under our protection for the duration of your lives.”

I gasped softly at Shiloh’s final decree, and my chest began to swell. Not only was she giving me a choice, she was willing to do something for me even if I chose not to join them. As my eyes anxiously inspected Shiloh’s expression, desperate to find some level of falseness in her vow, I felt tears begin to pool. As soon as Edward had decided that he no longer wanted me, his family had completely deserted me. Alice refused to even recognize my presence. The fact that Shiloh was willing to acknowledge me, filled my body with a sense of rejuvenation and adoration. The tips of my lips betrayed me, and I found I was smiling at her.

“Okay. That sounds great.” I cringed at my simple response, wishing that I could come up with something more eloquent. It didn’t help that an extended gap of awkward silence followed. “So what happens next?”

Shiloh glanced up at the black sky, almost as if someone had called out to us. Then again, since the Walkers had increased hearing, I suppose it wouldn’t be an unthinkable possibility. “We must go.”

“All right,” I said warily, looking up and seeing nothing. “I should probably get home anyway. The last thing I need is for my mother to find me missing.”

“Indeed,” Shiloh commented absently, and I cringed, realizing that my petty teenage worries were trivial in comparison to Shiloh’s. “Is she aware of our presence in your life?”

“Who? My mom? No.” I scoffed and shook my head, finding the idea of Renee knowing about the Walkers ludicrous. When I was twelve years old, she had thought that our house in Phoenix had been haunted. She had spent over five hundred dollars on supposed ghost hunters and mediums, all in an effort to chase away these spirits. The memory made me groan in embarrassment. “The less she knows the better.”

Shiloh shook her head. “I am afraid I must disagree. Humans complicate otherwise simple tasks. Have you considered what you will tell her should you decide to join us? After all, your mother cannot accompany you into our way of life.”

I frowned at Shiloh’s words. Of course I knew that Renee wouldn’t be joining the Walkers with me. I wasn’t a child who needed my mom with me for security. If anything, Renee needed me more than I needed her. However, that didn’t mean that I was ready to derail my life for something I wasn’t even sure I wanted.

“I understand that, Shiloh,” I insisted, trying to keep my tone even and without sarcasm. “I’m not sure if I want to be changed.”

“Very well,” she answers, turning away from me and moving down the alley. Before I could start after her, she shifted back to me. “Collin informs me that you are quite expeditious for an unturned receptor. Please, show me how fast you are.”

“Oh. Okay,” I replied, feeling nervous about her request. Although I had always excelled in school, I would always grow somewhat uneasy when someone asked me about it. I had never liked to brag, mainly because there had never really been anything to brag about. I had always considered myself mediocre.  “It comes and goes. It’s not always perfect.”

I ambled down to the end of the alley, while Shiloh waited. My heart had started to thrum faster and harder while I wondered how she would react. Perhaps there was something wrong me. I took a deep breath and tried to chase away my fear. If I was going to be around Shiloh more often, I would need to keep my composure, not constantly worrying if she would kill me. As I reached the end of the path, I turned, and with a silent hope that I didn’t embarrass myself, I started running.

As it had so many times before, the world picked up around me, becoming a vast, blurry, amoeba of color and shapes. The black and brown world spun out of control, and I dug my heels into the ground in a panic. Since I had been training with Collin, my speed had increased. Although I wasn’t nearly to the Walkers level, it was clearly faster than any regular human. As I skidded to a stop, my feet found a divot in the concrete, and I plunged forward. 

In my rush to stop, I barely noticed how Shiloh stepped to the right, removing herself from my trajectory. Unfortunately, that sent me barreling head first into a pile of trash. The garbage exploded, covering me with a gross, sticky mess that smelled horrible. My stomach heaved as I tried to push the muck off me, but it wasn’t working. I was just making it worse.

“Great,” I muttered, rising to my feet and trying to breathe through my mouth. The stench was everywhere. In my clothes, my hair, and even in my mouth. I gagged as I spit out a piece of rotten, banana peel, realizing that Shiloh was still watching me. Her face was hard again, and it made me nervous. “Is something wrong?”

In three strides, Shiloh had closed the distance between us. She reached for my hand and gazed down at my wrist, the one that James had bitten. “Where did this scar originate from?”

I stammered for a moment. “I… I… we-well, it’s a l-long st-story.”

Her gaze intensified.  “Evasiveness is not what I requested. How did you come to be bitten, Bella?”

She released my arm, and it fell limply to my side. My cheeks were bright red, and the hole in my stomach, dormant for so long, chose that moment to rip wide open. A searing, scalding sensation filled my body, and my reason for being in Jacksonville came crashing down on me, a final crescendo to this vast humiliation.

I realized that there was no way I could get away without explaining, unless I wanted to refuse Shiloh’s offer, which I knew I didn’t want. So, in a small, dejected voice, I whispered, “A vampire…named James.”

Shiloh stepped closer to me, and her proximity to her both thrilled and scared me. “This is very important, Bella. You must trust me, or else I cannot instruct you. Now, tell me how you received this scar.”

I gasped for breath, the wailing agony of my past snaking its way through my veins, debilitating every system it passed through. The thought of sharing my story with someone brought me a sense of peace. Things had been getting better for me since I had decided to include Nora and Collin. Would it be the same with Shiloh? Would she keep my secret the way Nora had promised to?

I looked up at Shiloh. “Ca-can you keep a se-secret?”

Shiloh’s eyebrows rose slightly. “For eternity, if you wish it to be so.”

I silently debated with myself for a moment. Shiloh had never given me a reason not to trust her. In fact, she had saved my life an hour earlier. Why then, did I feel like she would betray me? Had I really fallen so far that I could not trust at all?

Softly and slowly, Shiloh reached her hand out to me, resting it on my shoulder, and our eyes met. “Bella, hear me. If a receptor, even one that is unturned, requests confidence from a _ceannaire_ , it is granted without obligation. If you require my silence, then it will be so. If you are to train with me, however, this is something I must be aware of. Any variable could result in a complication during your transformation.”

I nodded, and I felt the ball of nerves in my stomach slacken. _You can do this…you have to do this._ “James started stalking me when I lived in Washington. I had…friends who helped me escape to Arizona, but he still found me. I thought he had my mom, so I confronted him. It turned out to be a ruse, and I was badly injured. My friends came to my rescue, but not before James bit me.”

Shiloh nodded. “And how did you resist the change?”

“One of my…friends was able to suck the venom out.” I wrapped my arms around my stomach, wincing at the memory of Edward hovering over me like an angel, and turned my attention to Shiloh. She was standing unnervingly still, like a statue, and it immediately set me on edge. “Is something wrong?”

“This presents a problem.” She started to pace, looking at me thoughtfully. As she opened her mouth to speak, she shut her mouth and turned her attention to the nearby shadows. Dex was standing there. When had he returned? “What is it?”

“The leeches are on the move,” he said, barely acknowledging my presence. He took two steps forward into the moonlight, and I noticed something strange. His eyes were glowing. They looked like a cat’s eyes when light was shining in them. None of the other Walkers had exhibited anything like that. What was I seeing? “Bella should not be here.”

“I entrust her safety with you,” Shiloh responded softly, and for the briefest of moments, I saw a tenderness in her eyes. “You will take her home and stay with her until I return.”

“Understood,” Dex responded, bowing slightly. With that, Shiloh turned and vanished down the alley. As I stared after her, confused by her sudden departure, Dex turned to me. “Are you ready?”

-

* * *

 

-

Two hours later, I was sitting on my bed in silence. I knew I should try to get some sleep, but in between almost being a vampire’s meal and accepting Shiloh as my instructor, it seemed like an unlikely possibility. Instead, I was attempting to focus on the trigonometry book in my hands. I had fallen significantly behind, and regardless of how good a student I was, it was becoming apparent that I would need a tutoring session eventually.

I eventually gave up trying to make sense of the letters and numbers before me, and I closed the book with a huff. Dex was sitting in the corner, looking intently out the window. Without anything else to occupy myself with, I swung my legs off the bed and crossed to him.

“What are you looking at?” I asked, leaning forward to look through the glass. As I suspected, there was nothing there, just my front yard shrouded by darkness. “Do you see something?”

“I am making sure we were not followed,” he informed me without removing his eyes from the window. “We are still walking on glass from what Collin did.”

I leaned against the wall and breathed out a heavy sigh. My eyes were heavy, but I was unable to quiet my mind long enough to find any relaxation. Dex’s words sent a chill through me though, and for a brief moment, it sounded like he actually lamented Collin’s decision. “Do you wish he hadn’t?”

“Do I regret that he broke _Fuil Aimsir?_ Yes. Do I regret that he saved you? No.” He turned to me, his brown eyes smoldering as they regarded me. “Do you regret it, Bella?”

My frown deepened, and I felt somewhat offended. “Why would I regret it? Do you think I wanted to die or something?”

His gaze was burrowing into my body, implanting itself in my soul. “Do you?”

I pushed away from the wall, shaking my head. “Where the heck is this coming from? Where did you get the idea that I want to die?”

He sighed and turned back to the window. “I recognized the emptiness in your eyes, the first day I met you.”

“The emptiness in my eyes?” I repeated. “What does that even mean?”

He chuckled softly, which irked me even more, and said, “You are more like her than you know.”

I wanted to argue and demand that he explain himself, but at that moment, the window pane slid up, and Shiloh gracefully climbed through my window. It was so strange how someone so tall—Dex, Collin, and now, Shiloh—could fit so easily through my window. The first time I had ever climbed out, I had skinned my shin, bruised my elbow, and knocked my head against the window sills twice. Then again, I was still a bumbling, clumsy human.

“Did you have trouble finding the place?” Dex asked with a tiny bit of mocking humor in his voice. Shiloh turned to him, and I noticed a ghost of a smile on her lips. It was gone almost immediately. “What did you see?”

“There are more leeches this month,” she explained, and I noticed the back of her long-sleeve, black shirt was torn across the back. It was a horizontal tear that stretched the length of her shirt. What lay beneath made me gasp. There was a long, spindly, black scar etching its way across Shiloh’s pallid skin. It matched the one on her face almost perfectly. Was this a separate scar, or was it connected to the one up above? “Their numbers have almost doubled.”

“The Elders?” Dex’s eyebrows pulled together tightly, and he shook his head. “There is no way they would risk war with us, is there?”

“Doubtful,” Shiloh answered, and her eyes narrowed when she turned to me. “We should be prepared, nonetheless.”

I stood off to the side, trying to make sense of what they were saying.

“Understood,” Dex responded. “Shall I alert the others to what is happening?”

Shiloh shifted back to him. “No. There is no need to alert them when there is nothing yet to alert. You must keep watch tonight. Follow if necessary.”

“Understood.” He bent at the waist.

She bowed in response. “Be at leisure.”

Just like Shiloh had minutes earlier, Dex contorted his body and exited through my window. I gaped at the way his six-foot-seven frame fit easily, and somewhat gracefully, out the window. How he was able to do that so easily still floored me. The presence of Shiloh in my bedroom chased away any idle thoughts, and I redirected my attention to her.

She stalked across my room, her eyes roaming curiously across my belongings. She stopped at the center of my room, turned her nose to the air and started inhaling. _What is she…_ All at once, she turned to my closet, opened the door, and disappeared inside. When I reached the doorway, I found her with her face buried in my clothes. She was inhaling deeply.

“Are you aware,” she said, turning to me, “that your clothes smell of leeches?”

I sighed and nodded. “Yes.”

“And you are electing not to tell me why,” Shiloh continued, releasing my clothes and exiting my closets. When I agreed with her assumption, she turned to face me. “Bella, this will only work if you are absolutely honest with me.”

“I understand, Shiloh,” I responded as I closed my closet door. “But, there are things that…I just…I’m not…ready to talk about. Does that make sense?”

“It does.” She closed her eyes momentarily and sighed heavily. When she reopened them, I noticed the tiniest bit of compassion. “You should be asleep.”

I shrugged. “I can’t sleep. I’m too…I don’t know, excited.”

She nodded in response, but said nothing. As she moved closer to my lamp, which was the only light in the room, I noticed that she was very dirty. In fact, the back of her head was caked in mud, and her clothes were shedding dirt on my floor with every step she took. I grimaced at the trail she had left around my room, wondering how I was going to clean it up without Mom seeing it.

“Do you want to take a shower?” I asked timidly, and Shiloh turned back to me. “I wasn’t sure if you were uncomfortable being in those clothes.”

I was taken back to Collin’s first appearance in my bedroom as well as the filthy substance he had dropped onto my carpet. What exactly did the Walkers do that made them look so filthy? It honestly looked as though they rolled around in the mud.

Shiloh frowned, but it was not unfriendly. She looked quizzical and puzzled. “Is that what is expected?”

_What is expected? How far out of touch is she?_ I sighed and regarded her, not as an immortal creature that had the capability of killing me, but as someone who was lost. Shiloh was an outsider in her world as well as ours. That knowledge made me look at her in a whole new light.

I smiled softly. “It would make you more comfortable, I think.”

She glanced over her shoulder slowly before heading into my bathroom. A part of me wanted to ask her if she knew how a shower worked, but I refused. There was no need to assume that Shiloh was completely devoid of human toiletries. After all, she had appeared clean the first time I had met her.  I breathed a sigh of relief when I heard the shower turn on.

As I had with Collin, I slipped out of my room and headed to the laundry room. There was a basket of recently clean clothes. I knew that Renee’s clothes wouldn’t fit Shiloh, so I found another pair of Phil’s track pants and a clean shirt. Once I was back in my room, I slipped the clothes into the bathroom and returned to my homework.  I was focusing on my English assignment when Shiloh emerged from the bathroom. She had changed into the sweatpants and t-shirt, and I almost laughed when I saw her. Even Phil’s clothes were too short for the Walkers’ leader.  

“Do you feel better?” I asked, trying not to giggle at the way my six-foot-tall stepfather’s clothes hung loosely from Shiloh’s body. “I put your clothes in the washing machine.”

“Thank you,” she responded, although it sounded robotic, and she crossed to the window. “It has been ages since I utilized human plumbing.”

Even though I was curious to know how long it had been, something more pressing dominated my thoughts. Back in the alleyway, Shiloh had informed me that James’s bite presented a problem. I frowned as I approached her, anxious to know what she meant.

“Shiloh? Can I ask you a question?” I sidled beside her and glanced out the window. It was so dark outside; it was difficult to make out the shapes of the outside world. “What did you mean by ‘this presents a problem’?”

I looked up at her as she spoke, but her eyes were firmly fixed ahead of her. “How much do you know of vampire venom?”

My brow wrinkled as I thought back to my time in Forks. “It’s essentially a vampire’s blood. Once introduced into a human’s body, it incites the Change, and it’s what you and the others feed on.”

“Correct,” Shiloh said, turning away from the window and stalking to the center of my room. When she stopped, she turned in my direction. “And do you know how much it takes to change a human?”

I opened my mouth and found that I had no answer for her. “No.”

“For any other human,” Shiloh explained, folding her hands behind her back and pacing. “It takes a small amount, merely a drop. However, when the same amount is introduced to a receptor’s blood stream, something…unordinary happens. The latent abilities emerge suddenly and without warning. Speed and strength vastly increase, as does the body’s durability.”

I looked down at my hands, turning them over. “S-so you’re saying the reason I can do all this is because I have vampire venom inside me?”

Shiloh nodded. “Yes.”

I breathed out a long breath. The idea that a part of James was lingering beneath my skin made my stomach churn, and I cringed at his memory. “And why is that a problem?”

“In the past,” Shiloh said, a slight crease forming on her brow, “whenever there was residual venom in the receptor’s bloodstream, complications have arisen. The venom reacts strangely to the blood of a full-blooded Walker. We have yet to explain it.”

“What kind of complications?” My heart was picking up speed as all the possible scenarios echoed through my mind. Some of them were logical—my heart stopping, or my body failing—while the others were just plain silly—my heart would explode, and my bones would melt.

Shiloh didn’t answer my question. Instead she said, “There is a way around it, and if you decide to join us, this is the only option. We will have to bleed you.”

“B-bleed me?” I could almost feel the color seep from my face and drip to the floor. I knew what that term meant, and I almost couldn’t bring myself to voice it. “Th-that’s when you empty a-all of my blood, right?”

“Correct.” Shiloh stared at me for a second. “You look as though you are ill.”

I rested my hands on my thighs and inhaled deeply, trying to keep my knees from shaking. How on earth could I survive such an archaic procedure? I would die before it was even completed. Shiloh had to know that. Was this a subtle way of silencing me? _No, she’s given me her word that my family and I are safe, and Collin said I can trust her word._ Still, the idea of being completely drained, emptied of _my_ essence, scared the heck out of me.

“Are you all right?” Shiloh’s voice held a higher level of concern, and I turned in her direction, shocked at her compassionate expression. It was quite possibly the most emotion I had ever seen her display. Her brow had softened, while her eyes were sparkling. “Do you feel sick?”

“No.” I shook my head. “I was just shocked. I don’t know why, but I always assume the worst when it comes to you.”

The words were out before I could stop them, and I stared at her for a few moments in a startled silence. Without even thinking about the consequences, I had let my heart speak for me. It was the truth, after all, and Shiloh had asked for absolute honesty. I could feel the lingering doubt and creeping fear moving throughout me, and I anxiously awaited Shiloh’s response.

“You have absolutely no reason to fear me, Bella,” Shiloh answered, staring intently at me. “Please do not pretend that you do.”

My cheeks burned, and I lowered my head, feeling embarrassed. She was right. Hours earlier, she had saved my life, and yet, I still feared that she would try to kill me. Why? The others had insisted that my death wasn’t her prerogative; why couldn’t I believe them?

“I-I’m sorry,” I stammered absentmindedly. “I wish I could be different, Shiloh, but I don’t think I can.”

“You can, and you will.” She crossed the space between us, and when she was less than three feet from me, she fell to her knees. “I am Aoife, daughter or Oren and Dechtire. If, by my life or death, I can save you, I will. Verily I swear, Isabella Swan, to instruct you in the ways of our people and to take responsibility for you, your life, and your happiness, until the time shall come where you will choose your destiny.”

_Our people…_ Those two little words carried so much impact when utilized together. In Shiloh’s mind, there was no division between her and I. We were both cut from the same cloth, members of the same family. My soul shivered as she looked up at me, conviction burning in her eyes.

“Will you accept me as your teacher?” Shiloh extended her hand out to me. “Will you join me on this journey?”

There was no hesitation when I reached out and wrapped her hand in mine.

 


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter Sixteen 

I stretched my arms out and yawned loudly, feeling the immediate weight beneath my eyes. My bed was warm and comfortable, and as I rose slightly from its plush embrace, my entire body protested. I hadn’t gotten to sleep until around four in the morning, which meant I had only slept for about three hours. A low, pathetic groan escaped my lips as I thought about the long day ahead of me. Not only did I have my typical eight hours of school, but I had an additional four hours of work. Although Nora would certainly be lenient on me in lieu of what had happened the previous night, I made the decision to grin and bear it.

As I sat up in bed, my gaze panned across my bedroom and fell on the long, lithe figure posed beside my window. Shiloh was a stone pillar, partially masked in the shadows the rising sun caused. Her attention was focused on the outside room, just as it had been before I had passed out a few hours earlier. Even though it was strange to have such an imposing figure in my room, I felt somewhat comforted by her presence. I chuckled at my own emotions, recalling how much I had feared her before. I still did, to a certain degree.

Taking a deep breath, I moved to toss the comforter off my body, when I caught sight of the scar on my wrist. I traced the outline that James’ teeth had created in my skin, cringing as memories of broken legs and glass shards floated through my mind. However, my brow creased as I thought of his venom still lingering within my body. As my fingers danced across my pale skin, there was a notable temperature difference in the area surrounding the scar. It was cooler than the rest of my body.

In an attempt to forget about James and his bite, I kicked my legs over the side of the bed and sat up. My stomach was growling, demanding sustenance, and I placed my left hand beneath my shirt. It was a simple gesture, one that I had repeated countless times, but this was different. The moment I felt my abdomen, I knew there was something different.

I rose from the bed and crossed to the full length mirror, which was attached to my closet door. Without stalling to consider what I might see, I pulled my shirt up and gasped. Gone was the soft, pliable body I had grown to accept the past three years. The training with Collin had changed me in ways I hadn’t thought possible. My torso looked as though it had been chiseled from stone, reminiscent of all the models I had seen on the covers of fitness magazines. I shook my head in disbelief, and a few stuttering noises escaped me.

Shiloh turned around. “Is something wrong?”

I looked at her reflection in the mirror and then back at my own. Too nervous to put a voice to my shock, I simply shook my head and muttered, “No. I’m fine.”

She cocked her head to the side and narrowed her eyes, but Shiloh did not press me. Instead, she turned around and resumed watching the outside world. Not wanting to dwell on my somewhat hulkish appearance, I went through my closet and picked out the baggiest t-shirt I had. It made me look frumpy and unattractive, but I didn’t care. Who was there to impress?

 “Bella?” Shiloh startled me as she appeared in the closet doorframe. “Your mother is on her way to your bedroom. She overheard you speaking to me and is coming to investigate.”

A series of knocks punctuated her final words, and I was relieved knowing that my door was still locked from the previous night. Still, I knew that Renee would grow more and more suspicious the longer I kept her waiting. I pushed past Shiloh and started toward the source of the knocking, but after a few steps, I stopped. My room was larger than it had been in Forks, but not exceedingly. Where would Shiloh hide? Would I have to explain her presence in my bedroom?

I whipped around, ready to tell Shiloh to go outside, but she was already gone. I stood there momentarily, wondering where she had gone.

“Bella?” My mother’s slightly anxious voice came from the other side of the door. The knob rattled a bit before she knocked again. “Is everything all right, honey? Why is your door locked?”

I chased away my curiosity, dashed across the room, and unlocked the door. My mother’s brow knit at my flustered demeanor, and I offered her the best smile I had, which was more like a grimace. “Sorry, Mom, I forgot that I locked my door last night. Ch-Charlie taught me to do that…while in Forks.”

“Oh. It’s fine, Bella,” she said, trying to subtly peak into my bedroom. “I heard you talking to someone. Were you on the phone?”

We both knew that I had disconnected my cell phone a month earlier, and there was no landline outlet in my room. She was giving me the opportunity to be honest with her, to open up about what was going on with me. The concept of opening up had been growing on me, especially since I had practically poured my heart out to Nora. Of course, there was a vast distinction between my vampire boss and my human mother. Unfortunately, I wasn’t going to take that road with Renee.

“I have a debate in government today,” I lied coolly and turned away from her. “I was rehearsing my argument.”

“I see,” she said, and the disappointment was unmistakable. “Well, I’ll let you get back to it then. Breakfast should be ready in fifteen minutes.”

“Okay,” I said, nodding, closing the door slowly. “Thanks.”

“Bella?” My mother reached out and stopped the door, her expression changing drastically. She looked slightly desperate, pleading. “I just want you to know that you can come to me with anything. I know I haven’t been the easiest person to get along with recently. I’ve tried to push you too far, too fast, and I’m very sorry about that. Please don’t get the impression that you have to be perfect for me, or that you have to hide your problems. If you ever just want to talk…I’m here.”

She released the door, turned around, and left me standing there, dumbstruck. That was the first time my mother had opened her heart to me without wanting anything in return. I was moved by her words, but they also upset me. Why had it been so hard for her to say that? Instead of pushing me to see a shrink, why hadn’t she just told me that? I shoved the resentment and confusion into a tight ball, and I locked it away inside.

As I shut the door, I could feel Shiloh standing behind me. Her very presence seemed to send out vibrations of energy through my room. Sure enough, when I turned around, she was there. I had no idea where she had gone, and I never got the chance to find out.

“You should speak to your mother about your involvement with us,” Shiloh said as I approached her, and her forwardness made me freeze in place. “I understand that you wish to keep us separate from your human life, but please, believe me when I say that it would make your life easier.”

I couldn’t bring myself to respond. Deep down, I knew she was right. She had over nine hundred years of experience. What did I have? Nothing. Regardless, I was determined to keep Renee’s view of the world untarnished. Then again, I also held onto the fear that she would refuse to believe anything I told her, and I would end up in a mental institution.

“I have to leave for school,” I said as I crossed the room and picked up my backpack. She did not move. “What are your plans for the day?”

“Where you go, I will follow,” she said, and I felt my stomach drop. Was she going to join me in class? How would the student body react to the presence of Shiloh? Collin could barely pass for a teenager, and Shiloh was no better. Almost as if she sensed my reticence, she added, “I will observe you from afar, Bella. It is the way of things.”

“The way of things,” I repeated in a soft voice. Knowing that the way of things would happen regardless, I sighed heavily. “Okay then.”

The rest of the day was uneventful, with the exception of the pop quiz in trigonometry, which I was completely unprepared for. Since spending time with the Walkers, I was amazed at how easily my schoolwork had been pushed to the backburner. At moments, I would panic and pull out my textbooks, but at other times, I would shrug and refocus on whatever activity we were doing. I would have been lying if I had said that the prospect of no school for the rest of eternity wasn’t enticing. I had been the studious, hardworking Bella for my entire life, up until then. Perhaps it was time for a change.

When I arrived at Pages, Nora directed me to the third floor immediately. I sighed heavily as I thought of the large, history-filled tomes waiting for me. The next two hours was spent reading through the translated texts and familiarizing myself with dates. After I was moments from tearing my eyes out, Nora came up, and we spent the remaining two hours working on greetings. I learned two new bows, as well as how to say “hello” in the ancient language.

“You’re doing very well, Bella,” Nora complimented me as we closed up the shop. Her praise made me blush, and I turned away so she wouldn’t see it. “I’m serious. None of the others caught on this quickly.”

I laughed. “I’m a quick learner. I get it from my dad’s side of the family.”

“Adaptability is a wonderful trait to have,” she said eagerly, returning the tomes to the shelves. “It is very useful, believe me.”

I smiled, and we went back to working in silence. However, in between returning books to the shelves and running the nightly report, it didn’t escape my knowledge that she and I were alone. Shiloh had been in the store earlier, but I had not seen her since. Where had she gone?

“Nora?” I called, and I heard her hum a response. “Where’s Shiloh right now?”

There was a long pause. “She had some errands to run.”

I climbed down the stairs and found Nora at the cash register. “What kind of errands?”

She stopped and gave me a pointed look. “Personal ones.”

My face flushed again, only this time, it was in embarrassment. Why was I so obsessed with finding out more about Shiloh? Perhaps it was because she was the most elusive of the Walkers. Then again, the fact that the other Walkers were so vague when it came to her made it even worse. As I glanced back at Nora, I felt my curiosity stirring, and before I could stop myself, I was talking again.

“Can you tell me about her? I mean, before the purge happened. What was she like? Was she a ceannaire back then, too? What are her parents like? Has she always been so serious?”

Nora stopped what she was doing and stared at the cash register. Her body was rigid, and, like the vampires of my past, she could have easily passed for a statue. What was she doing? Had my questions offended her in some way? Just when I had given up the idea of getting any answers from her, her shoulders relaxed, and she turned to face me.

“Follow me, Bella,” she instructed and marched toward the back room. I shuffled along behind her, trying to keep up with her determined pace while simultaneously wondering what was going on. Once we reached the stock room, she left me standing in the doorway while she pulled out a large box. It made a loud clang when she dropped it on the floor. “Come here.”

Inside the box was a large assortment of books, smaller boxes, and other baubles. “What is this stuff?”

“These are a few keepsakes that I have saved throughout the years.” She smirked and pulled up an old, crusty newspaper. “This was the first newspaper I picked up when we arrived in the states.”

I leaned forward and noticed the date. _1825_. “Wow.”

“I’ve always been the sort to save things,” she responded, folding up the newspaper and placing it back in the chest. The next item she pulled out was a small, yellowish box. It could have been white at one point, but time had clearly had other plans. “This was something I bought in Paris around the late seventeen hundreds.”

She opened the lid, revealing a tiny, sparkling brooch. The center held what looked like a diamond, and it was surrounded by sparkling red stones. _Are those rubies?_ It was so strange that one of the Walkers had something so extravagant. I touched the elegant, gold lacing that the jewels were set in, and I smiled warmly at the images dancing in my head. I pictured lavish parties, filled with glittering gowns and spinning dance partners, all set to Parisian music. It was absolutely beautiful.

“It’s amazing,” I commented when she closed the box and returned it to its previous home. “What made you buy it?”

“I’m not entirely sure,” she answered, shaking her head. “It just called out to me. I happened to have some discretionary money, thanks to the lessons I was teaching at the time.”

“Lessons?”

“Yes.” She nodded. “I taught foreign languages to the bored housewives of Paris.”

I chuckled. “Which languages?”

She shrugged. “Whichever languages they desired, Bella. I am fluent in over ten.”

My eyebrows shot up on my forehead. I had forgotten that Nora was multilingual. Collin had informed me that she had been a form of bureaucrat and was, therefore, required to be able to communicate with others. Then again, if I was as old as they were, I was certain I could be fluent in many languages.

“That’s impressive,” I commented.

“Thank you,” Nora responded, somewhat morose. While I observed, she pulled out a brown, leather bound book. It looked similar to the tomes upstairs, and I hoped it wasn’t another history book that I was expected to know. “This is something that I have treasured for many years. It was a hobby of mine when I was younger, and although I don’t do it anymore, I can’t bring myself to throw this away.”

She presented the folder to me, and I looked at it quizzically.

“Don’t just sit there,” Nora chided playfully. “Open it.”

I took a deep breath and peeled open the cover, noting, with brief distaste, that it smelled like rotten eggs. With great effort, I ignored the stench and turned to the first page. It wasn’t a book; it was a portfolio filled with sketches. The parchment was dry and crunched a bit when I touched it, but it was relatively still intact. The sketches had been done with charcoal, and some had faded or smudged, but one of them stood out, and I gasped when I realized who it was.

Her hair was a long, flowing wave of ebony and night, billowing around her. It tumbled past her shoulders and disappeared beyond what the image allowed me to see. There were a few idle strands pulling across her angular face, teasing the corners of her sparkling, lively eyes, and the tips of her lips, pulled open in a broad, full smile. The person in this sketch was happy. She was vibrant. She was full of life. She was Shiloh.

“This…can’t be real,” I said breathlessly, refusing to tear my eyes from the image before me. “It can’t be her.”

“Why can’t it?” Nora was amused by my incredulity. “Are you saying it isn’t possible that Shiloh could have been joyful at one time?”

I shook my head absently. “It’s…just…not…I don’t understand, Nora.”

I mentally compared the picture before me and the face of the Walkers’ leader. There was no comparison. Shiloh was emotionless and stoic ninety-nine percent of the time. The woman in the sketch was the complete polar opposite. How on earth could someone so happy and dynamic become so…different? It didn’t seem possible. Although I was sure Nora was telling the truth, I just couldn’t believe her.

“Keep looking,” Nora said, pointing at the portfolio. “You’ll find there are many more.”

And more there certainly were. Almost twenty-five sketches of the same, smiling woman, who bore a striking resemblance to Shiloh. With the exception of the happiness, that is.

“How is this possible?” I looked away from the images long enough to address Nora with pleading eyes. How on earth could anyone become so desensitized to life? What had happened to Shiloh that had broken her? “Nora? Why? Why doesn’t she smile? Why doesn’t she laugh? Sometimes I look at her and it seems as though all the life and meaning has left her. Like her soul has been crushed.”

“It has been crushed, Bella,” Nora answered sorrowfully. Gingerly, she reached forward and touched one of the sketches. It was of the Former Shiloh and a tall, lanky male. “I can’t rightly tell you what happened to her because I don’t have all the facts. She keeps a great deal of that night locked away insider herself. What I can say is that the pain she endured hollowed her out. Granted, she’s not as…cold as she was. I’m sure we have Collin, Tobin, Una, and Rix to thank for that. However, she’s still broken, and she will likely always be broken. As the years go by, I am more and more affirmed that she will never fully recover.”

I looked down at the sketches again, flipping through the many images of Shiloh’s wide, breathtaking smile. The more I saw it, the angrier I felt. She had been happy; she had been complete, and someone had completely derailed her. She had been ruined by a vampire, just as I had. As I thought of all the tears I had cried for Edward, a foreign emotion spread through me: disgust. How on earth could I have let someone come so close to destroying my life? Why had he been so important? Had I loved him at all? Or was what I had said to my mother in the hospital correct? Had it just been a crush?

“I hope I haven’t upset you,” Nora remarked sadly as she reached for the portfolio. “I only wanted to share with you the Shiloh that I grew up with. Please don’t be mad at me.”

“I’m not mad at you,” I answered, shaking my head. “I’m mad at myself. I’ve been an idiot, Nora. I’ve put myself and my family through so much grief, and for what? For a person, and not even a real person. One that doesn’t even care if I live or die.”

“Bella, you mustn’t think like that,” Nora said firmly, and as I sat there doubting myself, she pulled me into a hug. Her cold skin both chilled and warmed me. “Every choice is made for a reason. Dwelling on what could have been, or what you could have done, will bring you nothing but grief. Believe me, I know. Your time and actions in Washington occurred for a purpose. None of it was a mistake, do you understand me?”

I nodded my head and bit my bottom lip, trying to stave off the tears. When Nora and I separated, I tried my best to smile, but it was nearly impossible. Regardless, she patted my cheek, put the drawings back into the chest, closed it, and returned it to its place against the wall. The both of us headed back to the front of the store in silence. It wasn’t until we reached the cash register that Nora continued.

“If you don’t mind me asking…” she said as she grabbed the deposit bag from the counter and motioned for me to follow her. “What was so enticing about the boy in Washington?”

I glanced at her and fidgeted, not wanting to open up the doors of my past anymore than I already had. “It’s nothing really. What about you? I’ve been working with you for almost two months, and I feel like I hardly know you, Nora. Tell me about yourself.”

“That seems fair,” Nora remarked, nodding and, thankfully, dropping the subject of Edward. “You’ve been very open with me. It’s only right that I extend you the same courtesy. What would you like to know, Bella? I’m an open book.”

“I’m…not sure what I should ask first.” I pursed my lips and let all my questions roll to the front of my thoughts. There was so much I wanted to know. Where was I to start? “What’s your full name?”

Nora looked surprised. “Eleanora Neave Muriel. Although, it is spelled differently than it sounds.”

“It’s beautiful,” I remarked with a soft smile. However, I frowned when I considered my own name. _Isabella Marie Swan._ Could you get any more ordinary than that? “Have you changed it through the years?”

“No.” She shook her head. “Circumstances warranted Shiloh’s name change, but not my own.”

“Oh.” We turned a corner and exited through a pair of doors, which led to the parking garage. I considered the fact that I left work and went home. Did Nora have a home? Did she stay with the Walkers? “Where do you live? Do you stay with Shiloh and the others?”

She sighed. “No. I am forbidden from coming with fifteen miles of their home—if you can even call it a home. I spend my nights reading in the public library. It’s quite soothing. Collin will join me every now and then.”

I wasn’t sure why, but Nora’s nighttime hobby depressed me. The thought of her sitting alone in the library saddened me. “If…if you ever wanted someone to talk to, you could stop by my house.”

Nora stopped walking and turned to me. She smiled at me, but it was a forced smile. “That’s very thoughtful of you, Bella, and I appreciate the offer. However, Shiloh would never allow it. In addition, the servants of the vampire lords like to torment me. They are aware that I was once one of their adversaries, and they haven’t let me forget it. It’s for that reason why we must remain daylight acquaintances only. I’m sure you understand.”

I frowned. “What do you mean ‘torment’?”

She pressed her lips together and glanced over her shoulder. When she returned her eyes to me, they were fearful. “Now is not the time, Bella.”

I glanced over her shoulder. “Why?”

“It just isn’t,” she said firmly, and when I opened my mouth to press her, she held her hand up. “If you don’t mind, I’m needed elsewhere—and so are you.”

Her gaze trailed from my face to somewhere beyond me. I turned, although I already knew what she was staring at. I couldn’t explain it, but it seemed as though I had detected Shiloh’s proximity. When I glanced back, she was leaning against the wall, staring up through her eyelashes.

“All right, I guess—“ I turned back to Nora only to find that she had vanished. The only thing that faced me was the black shadows of the parking garage. A chill crept over me, almost as if the shadows were watching me, judging me. Overcome with a fit of nerves, I turned back and found Shiloh standing directly behind me. I jumped a bit. “Oh. Shiloh. What is it?”

Shiloh’s eyes were scouring the darkness, a severe look in her eyes. When I repeated my question, she looked down at me. “We should go.”

* * *

 

The ride home was quite possibly one of the most awkward rides I had ever endured. More awkward than when I had first come to Jacksonville and every car ride had been filled with accusations and talks of doctors. Shiloh’s silence and rigid demeanor had not dwindled the farther we drove from the mall, and I couldn’t shake the possibility that I had done something to anger her. _What did I do?_ I thought back to everything that had happened in the parking garage, but nothing stood out that could have upset Shiloh. Of course, I reminded myself that I knew absolutely nothing about her.

When I pulled in the driveway, Shiloh had already exited the car and disappeared into the night. I frowned at her empty seat and sighed heavily. If she was upset with me, did that mean I was going to be punished? Would I get the same treatment as Tobin? The fear rushed to my stomach, and I winced at the sharp pain that accompanied it.

“Oh god,” I groaned against the steering wheel. With my right hand, I grabbed my backpack, which I had neglected to leave at the house after school, and I hoisted myself out of the car. Once it was locked and I was shuffling toward the front door, I uttered, “Can this day get any worse?”

The front door had started opening as I started down the cement path, and as soon as the words had left my lips, Renee appeared in the threshold. She had a phone pressed against her ear, and she was waving me over anxiously.

“Oh, good news, Charlie,” I heard Renee say as I approached, and I froze in response. “Bella just got home from work.”

The next few moments went by in slow motion. My mother descended the stairs with an arm stretched out, the phone positioned in my direction. Charlie had been calling almost nonstop for the past week. Seven-thirty sharp, the phone would start ringing, and my mother and Phil had been left with the duty of placating him. I was always at work during those times. The fact that Charlie was on the phone with my mom meant two things: my mother had called him, or Charlie had called and insisted that Renee stay on the phone with him until I got home.

I wasn’t sure which was correct, but it didn’t matter. I wasn’t ready for this. I wasn’t ready to talk to him.

My body had betrayed me, locking in place and refusing me the most common motor functions.

Renee stopped in front of me, offering me the phone. “Bella? It’s your father.”

I shook my head.

“Bella,” she said in a chiding tone, and she covered the phone with the palm of her hand. “He’s wanted to talk to you for a while now.”

I shook my head harder.

“Isabella.” The firmness in her voice caught my attention, and the severe look in her eyes told me that I had no other choice. The only way I would be getting into the house would be by talking to Charlie. “Stop being difficult, and talk to him.”

She pushed the phone in my direction, and I took a deep breath before reaching out and taking it from her. This was it. I had been avoiding him for almost two months, but the time had come.

I placed the phone to my ear. “H-hi, Dad.”

“Hi, Bells,” Charlie said, and I detected a distinct level of relief in his words. “I’ve been trying to reach you for almost two weeks.”

“I know,” I admitted. “I’m sorry about that. I’ve been…busy…you know, with work and school.”

“Your mother told me that you got a job,” Charlie said. “It’s at a bookstore, isn’t it?”

“Yeah.” I was shy, even though my dad was all the way in Washington. “It’s called Pages.”

“That’s good.” There was a brief moment of silence. I waited. “Are…uh…are you doing okay, Bella?”

I looked at Mom, who was watching me intently, and I turned away from her. “Ye-yeah, Dad. I mean, it’s different here. Really different, but it’s not a bad thing.”

“Well, you sound better,” Charlie said. “You sound happy.”

I inhaled deeply, and my thoughts unintentionally went to Collin. I smiled automatically. “I am, Dad. I really am.”

“How’s the school down there?” Charlie’s tone became lighter as I told him about Jackson high school. He brightened even more when I revealed that I had made a couple of friends. “That’s really great, Bells. I’m happy for you. I really mean that.”

“Thanks, Dad,” I responded, and I started to feel a bit better. For the longest time, I had feared that talking to Charlie would bring back old feelings and open old wounds. Perhaps I had been wrong. “So, how have you been? Anything new happening in Forks?”

“Everything’s pretty much the same,” he said gruffly, and I recognized his tone for what it was. There was something going on that Charlie didn’t approve of. I carefully prodded him for more information. “Billy and I are a little at odds at the moment.”

I frowned. “That’s no good. What happened?”

I listened as Charlie explained the situation, and I found myself gravitating into the house and taking a seat in the kitchen. According to my dad, Jacob, Billy’s son, had gone missing. He had been at a party in October, and an out of town kid had picked a fight with him. There had been a mild skirmish, nothing serious, no injuries, but Jake had disappeared. Charlie wanted to send out a search party, but Billy had dug his heels in the dirt and refused. He had told Charlie that it was “tribe business.”

“It’s strange, Bells,” Charlie said. “No one on the reservation will tell me anything. These are people I’ve been friends with since I was a kid, and they’re treating me like a stranger.”

“I’m sorry, Dad,” I said sincerely. “What did Billy have to say about it?”

Charlie growled. “All he said was that Jacob had some issues that he was resolving. He won’t tell me what that means, and he’s stopped taking my phone calls.”

I wasn’t sure what else to say, so I repeated my apologies and listened to his tirade. However, I was deeply concerned for Jake. Although he and I weren’t that close, he had been nice to me, when I was still the “new kid” in town. What had happened to him? The scrawny, perpetually happy boy I remembered was so contrary to the image Charlie had just painted. The Jake I had met on a few occasions didn’t seem like the type to get into a brawl, let alone disappear into the woods. Of course, I reminded myself that I hardly knew him.

“Speaking of La Push.” Charlie’s mood improved almost instantly. “The La Push Winter Festival is coming up around Christmas. You loved it when you were little, Bella. I thought…maybe…you’d like to come up and visit.”

“I don’t know, Dad.” I hung my head. “I…I don’t know if I’m ready.”

There was a pause, and when Charlie spoke again, his voice was firm. “You don’t have to worry about running into _him_ , Bella. He and his family stay out of town.”

The air in my lungs constricted as I listened to Charlie rant about the Cullens. I had waited so long to hear news of them, but now, I wasn’t entirely sure that I wanted to know. In fact, I was certain that I didn’t.

“Dad,” I interjected desperately. “It’s okay. I’m…over it.”

“It’s just not right what happened to you, Bella,” Charlie continued, oblivious to the distress of his daughter. I didn’t want the memories back, but most importantly, I didn’t want to feel the pain again. “I mean, I can understand if he wasn’t…interested anymore. That’s the way teenage boys are. I know that better than most. But the way he and his family treated you like garbage. It’s unacceptable.”

“Dad!” He quieted long enough for me to speak. “Thank you for being upset on my behalf, but it’s really unnecessary. I’m moving on with my life. All things considered, I think coming here really was the best choice.”

“I just wish I could arrest him,” Charlie grumbled. “Unfortunately, you went with him willingly. You did go with him willingly, didn’t you, Bella? Do you remember if you felt coerced at all?”

I leaned back in the chair, letting my head rest against the back, and I let out an exasperated sigh. “I went with him, Dad. Edward didn’t kidnap me or force me into the woods. I went on my own volition. Now please, stop this.”

“I’m sorry, Bella,” Charlie said. “I just hate the fact that some rich family chased my daughter away from home.”

I bit my bottom lip. “Don’t look at it that way, Dad. They helped me see…what the direction of my life was meant to be.”

He wasn’t convinced. “They’re bad people, Bella. They should be ashamed of what they did.”

“Dad, what happened between Edward and me is my business, all right? I don’t need you to fight my battles for me!” I snarled unintentionally into the phone. I wasn’t sure where this surge of annoyance had come from. It had been occurring more and more—ever since I had started spending time with the Walkers actually. “I understand that you think you’re defending my honor by continuing to hate them, but you’re not. What happened sucks, it really does, and it hurt a lot. I’m very angry with him, and I probably always will be, but I’m also happy that it happened. It showed me what I do and don’t want from life.”

“I’m sorry, Bella,” Charlie said softly, and the embarrassment in his voice made me feel horrible. “I…uh…just thought I was helping.”

“No, I’m sorry, Dad,” I said, shaking my head. “I know you mean well, and I appreciate it. I just don’t want you to burn any bridges on my account. What happened in Forks happened for a reason. I’m really sorry that I scared you after he broke up with me, but I’m better now. You really don’t have to worry about me. I’m…stronger.”

“I’m happy to hear it,” Charlie said. “I just don’t want you to ever think you can’t come home. You’ll always have a place with me.”

“I know, Dad.” I smiled. “Thanks.”

“So how’s life with your mom?” He changed the subject relatively gracefully, which impressed me. “Is she driving you crazy yet?”

“You have no idea,” I responded, and he chuckled on the other end. “You’ll never believe it, Dad. She can actually cook.”

He went silent momentarily. “You don’t have to lie to me, Bella.”

We both shared a laugh at my mother’s expense, and I could see her scowling at me from the living room. The sight of her made me laugh even harder.

“I think she heard us, Dad,” I commented with a giggle. While I listened to him recount many of the times she had nearly set the house on fire, I reveled in the feelings coursing through me. I was happy. Everything that had happened in Forks seemed like a distant memory. At that moment, I was glad my head was a sieve. “Seriously though, things are pretty good here. Mom and Phil are great.”

“That’s good to hear,” Charlie said, and I could almost hear the smile in his voice. “Well, I don’t want to keep you too long, Bells. I’m sure you have other things you need to do.”

“Yeah, I still have a ton of homework.” I grimaced in the direction of my backpack. “Thanks for calling, though, Dad. It was really good to talk to you.”

“You too, Bella,” he said. “Call me sometime.”

“I will.” And, for the first time, I intended on keeping to that promise. 


	17. Chapter Seventeen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No copyright infringement intended.
> 
> jcat5507 is the greatest beta in the world! :)

Chapter Seventeen 

“Here you go,” I said cheerily and handed two bags to the woman in front of me. She had just bought an eight-book series for her daughter, one that I was particularly fond of. “I hope she enjoys them.”

“Thank you so much for your help,” the woman commented, nodding her head. “I couldn’t have done this without you, Bella.”

“My pleasure,” I answered and smiled as I watched her leave. With a sigh, I turned back to Nora, who was busy checking in new inventory. “I remember my first book series. It was a three-book mystery series. Now that I think of it, it wasn’t very well written, but I loved it anyway.”

“How old were you?” Nora asked over her shoulder.

I shrugged and sidled next to her. “About eight or nine.”

She hummed in acknowledgement before returning to the task at hand. I didn’t mind her brush-off; Nora had a lot of work to do. Seeing as how the following week was Thanksgiving, she was tasked with getting the new books into the inventory and getting them into position for Black Friday—the biggest shopping day of the year. Although many people were concerned more with clothes, televisions, and other electronic devices, there were several, popular authors who were releasing books on that day. Pages was certain to be full.

“This is hardly a two-person job, Bella,” Nora said with a laugh, and she regarded me with a wide, slightly sneaky smile. “Why don’t you go upstairs and start with your reading?”

I tried to curb my disappointment. If I was being honest, I wanted to stay and help Nora. The history of the Walkers was, for lack of a better term, boring, although necessary to my possible induction into their lifestyle. I had finished their full history and had thus moved on to their financial records. It wasn’t necessarily a list of money, but more like a list of jobs that they had taken to earn money. Reading it was easily the equivalent of pulling teeth.

“Are you sure?” I fumbled with my words, trying and failing to come up with a viable excuse for my presence. “This could go by faster with two people.”

“You know as well as I that it wouldn’t.” She stopped what she was doing and turned to me. I could never hide anything from Nora; she was sharp as a nail. “What’s wrong? Why don’t you want to go upstairs?”

I cringed, feeling ashamed of my own boredom. “I just…um…well, the records are a little—“

“Dull, uninteresting, arid, cloying, drab, humdrum, monotonous, or my personal favorite, bromidic.” I turned in the direction of the familiar, humored voice and found Collin leaning against the wall, reading from an open copy of the thesaurus. When I called out to him, he snapped the book shut, returned it to the shelf and smiled at me. “Hello, Bella. Nora.”

“Collin,” Nora said with a smile. “How good of you to grace us with your presence. What brings you by my humble shop? Certainly not a recitation of the synonyms of the word ‘boring,’ I hope.”

He crossed the store to us, and I couldn’t help but admire the way he moved.

“I was given some leisure time,” he answered casually, shoving his hands in his pockets and shrugging. “So I figured I would come by and see how our little receptor is fairing.”

He reached out with his right hand and ruffled my hair, much to my annoyance, and he snickered when I ran my hands through it, trying to fix what he had mussed up. Collin and I had discussed the issue of my hair while he had still been my trainer. He had insisted that a shorter style would be easier for me in the long run, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. My long hair had been one of the constants in my life. It was the longest relationship I had ever had, and I wasn’t willing to end it.

“Collin, it’s only been a day or so since I last saw you,” I responded in a snarky manner. “Did you really expect anything to change in that time?”

“Possibly,” he said sneakily. “Then again, maybe I was just looking for an excuse to see you again.”

I froze in a moment of stunned silence, idly noting the smirk that had etched its way across Nora’s face. At that moment, I had two warring voices in my mind attempting to justify and explain what Collin had first said. The first warned that his tone was much more affectionate than usual, and I should prepare myself for heartbreak. However, the other suggested that Collin was only being friendly. Perhaps he was worried about me. As the silence stretched on, I felt it quickly changing from stunned to awkward.

“Oh, so you can make fun of me, right?” I said the first thing that came to my mind, and I was relieved when he threw up his hands in surrender. “You know if I’m Changed, you won’t be able to pick on me anymore.”

His neck jerked while his smile broadened. “Says who?”

 “Bella, Shiloh’s receptors are notorious for their practical jokes on one another.” Nora shook her head and pointed at Collin. “Although, it is never wise to upset a newly turned receptor, as you are well aware of, Collin.”

In an instant, Collin’s smile vanished and was replaced by a tight-lipped glare. “Nora, no.”

Her laughter died, and I noticed how her head cocked to the side in curiosity. She took a deep breath and carefully said, “Collin, I didn’t mean anything by it. You know that. Can we not joke like we once did?”

He inhaled deeply and shut his eyes for a moment. “Perhaps I should escort Bella upstairs.”

Nora’s shoulders fell, and she looked saddened by something, but she did not press him. “Of course. You know the way. I’ll come up and get you a little later, Bella.”

Not sure what had just transpired, I agreed and turned toward Collin. He was smiling at me, but it wasn’t the genuine, happy one from before. We headed up the stairs, and I found myself trailing behind him, contemplating the boy I knew so little about. Even though I considered him a friend, he was still a stranger to me. He kept so many things to himself, so many secrets, and I wondered if he would ever open up. Would he be like Shiloh and remain a closed book forever?

“Are you all right?” His voice cut through my internal revelry, and I looked up at him. We were standing on the third floor landing. I hadn’t even realized we had gotten this far. “You look upset.”

I shrugged. “I was actually just wondering if you’re okay.”

“Me?” He turned away and headed to the table I sat at almost every day I worked. “I’m fine.”

“Really?” I pressed, even though the little voices in my head were saying that it was a bad idea. “Because the conversation you had with Nora doesn’t seem like it.”

He shook his head. “Please let it go, Bella. I really don’t want to discuss it.”

I wanted to push him for more information; after all, I had been relatively forthcoming about my past. Well, maybe not entirely forthcoming, but I had still told him more than he had told me. I hated the imbalance. It was reminiscent of my past, and that was not a road I wanted to go down again. However, I was happy to see him, and the last thing I wanted to do was to chase him away. So I chose to let it go, for the moment, anyway.

“So what have you been up to?” I asked casually, taking a seat beside him and flipping open one of the smaller tomes. “Saved anymore damsels in distress?”

I looked in time to see the right side of his mouth tugged upward. “Nope. You still remain my one and only.”

“I’m honored.” I had intended my words to be sarcastic, but they left my lips with a whimsical, cheery tone. Hoping he hadn’t noticed, I tried a different approach. I focused my attention on the book in front of me and offhandedly said, “So how’s _fuil aimsir_?”

“Unusually quiet,” he said, his mood darkening, and when I glanced at him, there was a deep furrow in his brow. “There should be at least four disappearances and three killings, but so far, nothing.”

I frowned. Wasn’t a decrease in deaths a good thing? “Maybe they’re feeding in another town.”

He shook his head. “Leeches are very territorial. It’s highly unlikely.”

I leaned closer to him. “Any theories?”

“A few.” He turned to me, and his features wavered between suspicion and fear. Unfortunately, as had happened so many times before, he smiled, and any sign of worry was successfully erased. “It’s probably nothing. Now where did you leave off?”

I looked over the pages, flipping them forward and backward, and ultimately realized that I had no idea where I had left off. Frustration boiled beneath my skin as I tried to remember what story I had last read. How was it this difficult to remember what I had read the previous day? I could easily recite Shakespeare, but not the history of the Walkers. My hands tightened into fists, and I glared at the open face of the book.

“Are you all right?” Collin asked, and I shook my head silently. He gingerly reached across and closed the tome in front of me. “I have an idea. How about we do away with the books for one day?”

A bit of tension released, and I looked up at him. Was he serious? “Can we do that?”

He smirked, and a playful spark appeared in his eyes. “Why not?”

I glanced down at the books and a similar smile cut its way across my mouth. In all my years as a student, I had never once played hooky. Even when Edward had suggested it back in Forks, it had seemed relatively taboo to me. As I stood looking at Collin, I felt different, which didn’t come as a surprise to me. There was something about Collin, though. He had a way of making me see the merit in things that I would otherwise deem unwise. When I had trained with him, I had found myself jumping off small buildings, swinging from trees, and running from wild animals. Needless to say, it had not been boring.

“So what do you say?” He raised an eyebrow, almost as if he was challenging me to do something radical, daring me to live outside my comfort zone. “Shall we?”

All the usual questions that should have been flying through my mind—where is he going, what is he planning to do, what time will we be back, will I get in trouble—were all but nonexistent. Instead of questioning whether this was a good move or not, my mind was filled with all the endless possibilities. How was it that my entire personality could change in such a short amount of time? Was it Collin himself, or was it the Walkers?

He was still looking at me expectantly. So without further hesitation, I said, “Let’s do it.”

Collin nodded in approval, and without a word, he motioned with his neck for me to follow. We descended the stairs, and I noticed that Nora was helping a customer on the far side. She gave us no indication that she was aware of our presence, but I knew better. With the hearing capabilities of vampires, I knew she knew we were up to something. Was she giving me a free pass?  

We slipped through the front door easily, and once we were a good distance away from Pages, he placed his arm around my shoulder. I flushed at the close, intimate contact and at the warmth coming off Collin’s body. He skillfully directed us to the mall’s closest exit, and I smiled when the radiant sunlight hit my face.

“Where are we going?” I asked curiously, and when I received no answer, I started to slow down. “Collin?”

“Nowhere in particular,” he reasoned, and I noticed his gaze anxiously tearing around the area. Was he looking for someone? He noticed my curiosity and sighed. “I’m sorry, Bella. I’m just on the lookout for Shiloh. She wouldn’t be pleased if she knew I was doing this.”

It was Shiloh’s second day as my teacher, and yet again, she was gone. With all the rules and etiquette that I had been forced to learn, I was surprised that she wasn’t with me. That was, after all, what she was supposed to be doing.

“Where is she?” I asked, and he looked at me, somewhat surprised. “Isn’t she supposed to be by my side every waking moment?”

“Shiloh’s life is…very complicated, Bella. She hasn’t had to instruct a new receptor in a very long time, and I’m willing to bet she wasn’t ever expecting to again.” He noticed how my face fell, and he was quick to assuage my nerves. “She does not regret it. You were…a surprise…to all of us. Don’t take it the wrong way. And as to Shiloh’s whereabouts—you wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

I shuffled behind him as he started crossing the parking lot. “You could always tell me, and let me be the judge of what I do and don’t believe.”

He stopped and looked down at me, his lips pursed and his brow knit tightly. After a few seconds, he nodded. “I suppose that is fair. Shiloh’s at church.”

While Collin continued walking, I had stopped. _Church?_ I was relatively disappointed with his revelation, and I fought the urge to laugh. For some reason, I had expected him to say…well…anything other than that. _Oh, Shiloh’s hunting vampires in another town, or she’s brawling with leeches outside of town._ Whenever I thought of the Walkers’ leader, the first adjective that came to mind certainly wasn’t “religious.” What on earth was she doing at a church?

“Is she religious?” I asked, and Collin’s resounding laughter told me the answer was no. “Then why is she there?”

He sighed. “She’s mourning.”

“Mourning?” I scurried ahead of him and threw up my hands, forcing him to stop. “Mourning who? Who died? Una? Rix? Oh my god, Dex?”

“It’s no one you know,” he insisted and tried to step around me, but I refused to let him pass. “Please, Bella. If she knew we were gossiping about this, she would not be pleased.”

“I don’t understand why everything about Shiloh has to be such a big secret,” I grumbled, crossing my arms over my chest. “You expect me to trust her, but you’ve given me no reason to trust her.”

“You mean other than the fact that she saved your life?” He glared at me, but there was a strange amusement flickering in his eyes. As I stood there in shameful silence, he put his fists on his hips. “You’re a strange, convoluted individual, Bella. You act like you’re afraid of her one minute, like she’s going to reach out and slash your throat, and then suddenly, you’re interrogating me, or Nora, or Riklin, or anyone who tries to spend time with you, for information. What is it? What exactly are you looking for?”

I flushed at his temper, and I stammered a few incoherent syllables before giving him a slightly reasonable explanation. “I want to know why she is the way she is, Collin. Why doesn’t she smile? Why does she seem like a hollowed out piece of wood?”

He stood there for a few moments, his stern expression glued to my nervous one.

“She’ll have my head for this.” He sighed heavily and dug in his pocket. “This is all you’ll get from me.”

I took the weathered piece of paper from his fingers and unfolded it quickly. It was a sketch; the signature at the bottom told me that it was one of Nora’s. I easily recognized Shiloh, smiling, hair billowing around her like a sail, and there was a tall man leaning against her. I assumed it was Dex. What confused me were the four small figures sitting in front of them. They appeared to be children, pre-teens maybe. There was one girl, whose hair was similar length to Shiloh’s, and three boys, who had their arms linked together. All four of the children were smiling. In fact, they looked as though they were laughing. Who were they? Were they Shiloh’s daughter and sons?

“Are these Dex’s and Shiloh’s children?” I asked.

Collin shook his head. “No. They are…something different.”

As I looked up at Collin, I realized that he wouldn’t be telling me anymore. If I wanted answers, I would have to find them—and I knew exactly where to start looking. “Let’s go.”

-

-

As soon as we were out of the public eye, Collin hoisted me on his back and sped toward downtown Jacksonville. According to him, Shiloh had been visiting Saint John’s Cathedral for the previous month. All he knew was that she was in mourning. He had followed her one day, after she had given him leave, and he had watched as she had vanished into the stone cathedral.

“This is not going to end well for me,” Collin mumbled as we slowed to a stop. “Shiloh is very particular about her solitude.”

I eyed him nervously. “Maybe she won’t find out.”

He scoffed. “She _always_ finds out.”

I pushed away the fear that Collin’s anxiety had instilled in me, and instead, I focused on what I had come here to do. The stone walls of Saint John’s Cathedral appeared on the horizon, and I put an extra amount of determination in my step. Who were the children that clung to Shiloh in the sketch? What had happened to them? I climbed up the stairs and glanced back at Collin, before opening the doors. He was standing across the street, his arms crossed over his chest. _Are you kidding me?_ I rolled my eyes, accepting his refusal with a grain of salt, and I entered the church.

The inside of the cathedral was impressive, and I took a moment to appreciate the architectural aesthetics. It followed the traditional layout, complete with a long nave, two transepts, a crossing, and an apse at the very front. The pews were a deep mahogany, and they stretched out from one side to the other, with a narrow break in between. The light filtered in through elegant stained glass windows, each one depicting a scene from the Bible. I inhaled deeply, and I could almost smell the past.

My gaze swept over the sparsely populated worship area, and in the far corner, nearly hidden, was a familiar head of short black hair. I slowly made my way toward the front, keeping my head down and my steps quiet. When I was close enough, I took a seat on one of the pews. At the front right portion of the church, there was a large amount of candles, only a few of them lit. I had seen things like that before on television, when family members went to church to light a candle for a loved one that had passed. As I watched, Shiloh leaned forward and lit four candles slowly, and then, she lowered her head. In an elegant sweep, she descended to her knees and placed both her hands—tightened into fists—on her thighs. At long last, she lowered her head. What was she doing?

She stayed like that for a long time. I glanced at my watch briefly, and I was astonished that almost an hour went by before she rose from her position. When she finally stirred, I turned away and pretended to read the book of hymns in front of me. Once I was sure she had passed me, I glanced back at the candles. Shiloh had left something there. I scrambled up from my seat and made my way over.

There, perched against one of the candles, was a small sketch. Like the one Collin had given me, this one was drawn by Nora’s skillful hand. On the slip of paper, the faces of the four children shined radiantly. Their eyes were bright and full of life, and their smiles seemed to leap off the page. Each of them had dark hair and eyes, and the curvatures of their faces were all angles. They were Walkers—there was no mistake about it—but who were they, and what was their relevance to Shiloh?

Slightly disappointed that I had uncovered nothing new, I trudged out of the cathedral and found Collin almost exactly where I had left him. As I approached, however, I noticed a somewhat drawn expression on his face.

“What is it?” I asked, touching his shoulder lightly. “What’s wrong?”

He looked down at me silently, and as I stared into his eyes, he made a sweeping motion with his head. I followed the direction he was indicating, and I felt my stomach fall a bit. Standing on top of the cathedral, between the twin spires, was a shadowy figure.

Collin groaned. “Dex.”

We were in trouble.

As I continued to watch him, Dex took one step forward and bounded forward. His body curled midway through the air, and he landed less than ten feet from us. In three firm strides, he was before us, his normally bright demeanor had been replaced by a hard, authoritative one.

For a few moments, there was no sound. Even the wind had seemed to die down significantly.

“Please forgive me, Dex,” Collin said, lowering his head. “I accept responsibility for this.”

Dex’s voice was stiff. “She should be with Nora.”

“Yes,” he acknowledged, and his head remained bowed forward. “I convinced Bella to leave the mall and come with me.”

“And of all places,” he interjected, “you thought to bring her here?”

I refused to let another person be reprimanded for my mistake. I stepped forward with as much confidence I could muster, and said, “It’s my fault. I pressed him to tell me where Shiloh was, and when he said she was at church, I convinced him to bring me here.”

I looked into his eyes, as hard and fierce as they were, and I felt a tremble pass through me. He stood there, a statue of displeasure, and I gulped down the lump in my throat. There was something different about Dex today, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. He seemed…angrier than usual. Then again, I had never seen him angry, so that point was moot.

As I stood there, I felt a nudge on my shoulder. Seconds later, Collin whispered, “Lower your head.”

There was no hesitation; I dropped my head quickly, focusing on the concrete beneath my feet. Why hadn’t I thought to mimic Collin’s posture? I must have looked like an absolute idiot—a disrespectful, breakable idiot. _No wonder the Cullens didn’t want you._ My shoulders sagged forward, and my eyes started to moisten. I was a fool to think that I could ever fit into the supernatural world.

“Collin,” Dex said in an even, yet clipped tone. “You will return to the dwelling.”

Out of the corner of my periphery, I spied him nodding. “Understood. Would you prefer I escort Bella back to Nora’s shop?”

“No.” His voice was swift and without question. “I shall ensure her safe return. You are dismissed.”

Collin stood up straight and bent at the waist, his right hand crossing over his chest diagonally—the salute of a subordinate to someone of higher ranking. He threw me a remorseful look before sprinting down the street. I watched his figure disappear into the distance, and a sinking feeling invaded my stomach when I realized that Dex and I were alone.

He had always been nice to me, so there was no excuse for the anxiety I was feeling. Then again, I had never been caught snooping before, either.

“I truly do not know what to make of you.” His voice cut through the silence, and I flinched in response. “You will reveal your intentions and worries to Collin, but not to Shiloh. This is confusing to me.”

I hung my head and said nothing.

“So silent now,” he remarked, the displeasure evident, and I could see his shadow begin to pace. “Look at me, Bella.” I raised my head. “I can hear your heartbeat, the blood pulsing through your veins. It is telling me that you are afraid. What do you fear?”

I sucked in mouthfuls of air, and my heart began to beat faster, betraying me. My mouth opened on its own, and before I could even think about what to say, I was speaking. “I’m afraid of giving myself away again. I look at the others, the way they worship Shiloh, and I don’t know if I can do that.”

His eyebrows arched. “Worship? No. I do not believe they worship her, Bella. You misunderstand the ceannaire-receptor relationship. This misapprehension would not be, if you were to open up to Shiloh.”

“I know.” My head lowered instinctively. “I’m sorry.”

“Walk with me,” he said, and I shuffled behind him. “First, I would like to congratulate you on trying to sneak up on Shiloh.”

I scoffed. “She knew I was there, didn’t she?”

“Of course she did,” he answered with a stunted laugh. “She knew the moment you and Collin turned onto the street.”

I stared down at my feet and tried not to let his comment get to me, but it was useless. The words “insignificant human” resonated through my mind.

“May I ask you something?” Dex glanced at me, and I nodded in acquiescence. “What were you hoping to achieve? Why did you come here?”

I shrugged. “I wanted to find out more about Shiloh.”

“Is that so?” He arched his eyebrows. “And I suppose simply asking her was out of the question?”

We fell back into silence and merely walked slowly up the street. There was hardly any traffic, and the streets were nearly devoid of people. It was relatively strange for such a nice, sunny day.

“I was there when she got it, you know. The scar on her face,” he said suddenly, and I turned to him. “When I found her, she was close to death, and I was the only one who could help her. Pureblood Walkers do not have the same healing properties in their blood as others do.”

“Wait,” I said, stopping. “Collin said you’re a pureblood.”

He cringed. “Not exactly. I was born to two of them. So in the Elders’ eyes, I am, but technically, I am not.”

I shook my head. “What does that even mean?”

He smiled. “I’ll show you sometime.”

“So what happened to her?” I asked as we resumed walking. “How did she get injured to begin with?”

“Am I correct in assuming you know about the Volturi?” His voice had lost all of its casual temper and had become dark. I nodded. Edward had told me about the Volturi, and Collin had filled in the gaps. “They have their own personal army of bodyguards. It’s filled with vampires that have special skills. The second in command is a bloodsucker named Constantine. He has no identifiable talent, but he is unfathomably vicious, sadistic, cruel, and psychopathic. During The Purge, he found Shiloh on one of the lowest levels of our former home. The battle that ensued is the stuff of legends. You might eventually read about it in one of the texts. According to those who lived, it was like the union of an unstoppable force and an immoveable object.”

I shook my head. “Nora told me that there was a fire. Why was Shiloh on one of the bottom floors?”

He sighed. “Many reasons, not all of them I can tell you.”

“Of course not,” I growled, throwing up my hands in frustration. “So what happened?”

“He pinned her down,” Dex said, “and he took one finger and drug it up her torso, across her chest, and up her face. The only reason I was able to find her was because I heard her screaming in the dark.”

I gasped at the image that flew through my mind, and I thought back to the other night when Shiloh had taken a shower at my home. When she had exited the bathroom in her borrowed clothes, I had noticed a dark line beneath the fabric, but I had not pushed. Was that why she was hollowed out? Had the pain been so excruciating that she had lost all sense of herself?

“So is that why she is the way she is?” I asked. “Has she lost the ability to be happy?”

He sighed. “No. The reason she is so…emotionally withdrawn is because…because…I-I am sorry, I can’t. It’s too painful for me to remember. You should ask Shiloh about it. She tells a better story than me.”

“Why can’t she be as easy to talk to as you are?” I said absently, glancing up at my tall companion. He smiled down at me. “I’m serious, Dex. Talking to you comes naturally, almost as though we’ve been friends for a lifetime.”

“I’m honored you think so, Bella,” he remarked. “You will find that speaking to Shiloh is just as easy, if you let yourself open up to her that is.”

Nothing more was said after that. Dex leaned down and allowed me to climb on his back before whisking me back toward the mall. When I returned, Nora was waiting anxiously inside Pages. Thankfully, she wasn’t harsh with me.

“Please don’t be too harsh with Collin,” I pleaded to Dex. “It really was my idea to go.”

He sighed. “He will be spoken with, but I can assure you, his punishment will not be severe.”

I breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank you.”

“Please speak with Shiloh,” Dex requested when I turned to head inside. I turned back to him. “I feel you would understand her if you knew what she’s been through.”

With that, he turned and walked away.

The rest of my time was spent on the third floor. Nora had pulled several more tomes for me to read, so I was set for the rest of the night. However, very little reading was accomplished. Every time I tried to start, my mind would wander back to my talk with Dex, and everything would become a jumbled mess of nerves and questions. Should I ask Shiloh what had happened? Would she really be as open as Dex had been? What had happened to her exactly? I eventually gave up trying to read and merely flipped through the pages aimlessly, and as soon as nine o’clock struck, I closed the book in front of me and descended the staircase.

“You know,” I said as I hopped onto the stool beside the cash register, “I kind of feel uncomfortable getting paid for not doing any work.”

Nora laughed. “Is that so?”

“Yes,” I insisted. “I just spent two hours straight upstairs, while you dealt with all the customers.”

She shut the register and shook her head. “Please don’t worry about it, Bella. Money is the absolute last thing on my mind right now. Now, hurry up and grab your stuff, Tobin will be here any minute.”

I froze. “He will?”

Nora paused and looked at me like I had just spoken a dead language to her. She wasn’t oblivious to the incident in the Under Passage, so why she was confused was beyond me. “He’s going to be escorting you home for the rest of the week.”

“Why?” I didn’t have to think too long for an explanation. “Oh, because of _fuil aimsir_?”

“Exactly,” Nora said and grabbed the nightly deposit. She guided me to the front of the store and locked the door. “Things have been a little strange lately, and she’d rather be safe than sorry.”

“By strange, do you mean how quiet it’s been?” I shrugged when she looked at me skeptically. We began to walk toward the bank, but our pace was slower than usual. I was purposely stalling. “Collin told me it hasn’t been as active as it usually is.”

She frowned disapprovingly. “Yes. There have been no missing persons reports, no bodies found, nothing. It should be somewhat of a relief, but it’s not. Something’s happening, but we’re not sure what.”

I pursed my lips in thought. “Maybe all the vampires have gone to another city, or maybe they’re disposing the bodies.”

Nora shook her head. “No. There’s something different about it. We’ve had low body counts before, but nothing like this.”

“Is Shiloh worried?” I asked.

Nora scoffed. “Have you met her? Shiloh’s never worried, or at least I don’t believe she is. It’s very difficult to read her at the best of times. I’ve informed her of my suspicions, but she seems unbothered by them.” She paused and cast a wary look in my direction. “You shouldn’t worry about it, Bella. It’s more than likely nothing.”

“Or it’s more than likely something,” I answered, feeling slightly agitated that Nora was trying to shield me from something. “I understand that you think keeping me in the dark will benefit me, Nora, but it won’t. I should be prepared for what’s coming, don’t you think?”

She sighed and hung her head. “I agree with you, Bella. However, I am a bit limited in what I can and cannot tell you. Were I not…what I am, then I might have more information for you, but I don’t. I’m not a Walker—I’m just a vampire.”

All my anger and irritation evaporated, as I took in her heartbreaking expression. “I don’t know much about the Walkers or their way of life, but I do know, without a doubt, that you are not just a vampire. I couldn’t have gotten this far without you, Nora.”

She smiled. “You’re very kind, Bella.”

The awkward silence that followed was tense and unyielding, and I was surprisingly relieved when I noticed someone was standing in the far shadows. Tobin approached us slowly and steadily, his gaze never leaving me, and I wondered how long he had been there. How long had he been watching, waiting?

“Well, I have places to be,” Nora said softly, and with a nod to Tobin, she started in the opposite direction. As I watched her, she turned over her shoulder and added, “See you tomorrow, Bella.”

“Bye, Nora.” I watched her disappear, and I couldn’t fight the sadness that overcame me. Did Nora really view herself as nothing more than a vampire? She was so much more, surely she knew that. I sighed heavily and turned back to find Tobin staring at me. “Hello, Tobin.”

“Bella,” he acknowledged and fell silent immediately.

My stomach knotted, and I fidgeted under his intense stare. The last time I had seen him, he had been on his knees, moments from receiving his punishment from Shiloh. He had taken me to the Under Passage with the sole purpose of baiting the vampires into a fight. I wondered if he blamed me for the reprimanding he had received.

He shifted and brushed his hair out of his eyes. “Are you ready?”

“I…uh…yes,” I stammered. “S-sorry. I just…I mean I…”

 “I can understand why you would prefer any of the others’ company over mine.” His eyes hit the floor, and the thin line of his mouth descended into a frown. My heart broke as I appraised his hunched demeanor, and my cheeks reddened in shame. I didn’t blame him for what had happened. Even though he had taken me to the Under Passage with complete disregard for my safety, I still didn’t hold him accountable. “We should leave.”

I opened my mouth to contest what he had assumed, but he silenced me by placing his hand on the small of my back and escorting me toward the parking garage. I was forced to take extra steps as he guided me so I wouldn’t trip. Tobin took wide, lengthy strides, while I made short shuffles. I practically had to sprint across the garage to keep up with him.

Once we were in the car, I took a moment to take a few measured breaths, just to calm my heart down. Finally, I buckled my seatbelt, started the engine, and headed home.

If I had thought driving in the car with Shiloh was nerve racking, driving with Tobin was even worse. The silence was loud and echoing, and the tension was overwhelming. I knew I should say something to him, but what?

“Bella? I’m very sorry.” Tobin’s face was somehow paler than it usually was, I noticed when I turned toward him. “I’m sorry that my selfish actions nearly cost you your life.”

I breathed out a long sigh. “I understand why you did it, Tobin. Una told me about your family and what happened to them.”

His hand tightened into a fist, and I wondered if I had made a mistake telling him that. Perhaps Una had wanted that kept in confidence. Had she said that? I couldn’t remember.

“It was a very long time ago,” he said through clenched teeth, “but it feels as though it were yesterday.”

I nodded, understanding what he meant. “There are some pains, some scars, that time simply can’t heal.”

I immediately thought of Edward, and my stomach began to twist in a familiar way. Although Tobin’s pain was so much stronger than my simple breakup could ever be, I understood what it was like being unable to let go, unable to forget.

“Tobin, I’m not mad at you,” I said, and I gripped the steering wheel tighter. “If anything, I feel guilty.”

He snorted. “For what?”

“For your punishment.” I focused on the street, but in my peripheral, I could see his head snap in my direction. “I feel responsible for you getting injured, and it’s driving me insane. I keep wondering if the same thing is going to happen to me.”

“What a ridiculous thing to worry about,” he answered testily. “The only way you could ever earn that kind of punishment is if you willfully chose to break a mandate, which I did. The only one who is at fault is me, Bella. You shouldn’t feel guilty for what happened to me.”

I shrugged. “I don’t like it when people are hurt because of me.”

He leaned forward and growled. “Why can’t you understand? I was not punished merely for taking you to the Under Passage. I was punished for disobeying Shiloh continuously over the past few months. Do not feel guilty for something that had absolutely nothing to do with you, Bella.”

If Tobin actually knew what kind of person I was, then he would have probably rethought his point of view. I was trouble: a magnet for danger and bad decisions. Despite everything he had just said, I still felt responsible for his pain and anguish, but I chose to say nothing. In fact, I remained silent up until we pulled into my driveway.

“I hope I didn’t upset you,” I said, gingerly peeking at him. He glared annoyingly at my subtle attempt at an apology and huffed. “I really don’t like my friends getting hurt.”

He raised an eyebrow. “You consider me a friend?”

“Well…” I mulled it over for a few seconds. “Maybe more like a casual acquaintance, but I would like for us to be friends.”

“Why?” He asked gruffly, narrowing his eyes skeptically.

“Because, despite the fact that you almost got me killed,” I said boldly, “you saved my life.”

I didn’t wait for him to answer, mainly because I was so shocked by my own courage. Instead, I climbed out of the car and headed inside. I fought the urge to worry about what I had said to Tobin, to speculate about what he would think of me. Instead, I set my backpack by the door and disappeared into my bedroom.

A little while later, Mom knocked on the door and informed me that dinner was ready. It was the first time I had eaten dinner with my parents since…I couldn’t remember. I sat at the table and enjoyed my mother’s fried chicken, mashed potatoes, and assorted vegetables. Phil talked about the team he was coaching, while my mom raved about the kids in her class. A few random questions were thrown my way. What’s happening at school? Are you making friends? Are you ready for finals? All in all, I sat in contented silence and listened to Mom and Phil talk. It had been a long time since I had done that.

I cleared my plate after dinner, and I settled in at the table with my trig book open. Thanks to Nora’s tutoring, I was feeling more confident in my math skills.

_A car is driven down a straight desert highway. When the trip begins, a mesa off in the distance is 20° to the right. After the car has been driven for 45 miles, the mesa appears to be 50° to the right. At this point, how far away is the mesa?_

I frowned at the current problem and anxiously flipped through my notes to find the appropriate formula. After an hour of homework and studying, I closed my textbooks, packed everything back into my backpack, and retreated to my bedroom. I had intended on taking a shower and getting ready for bed. It had been a while since I had gotten a solid night’s sleep, and the thought of my soft mattress and pillows made me smile a bit. However, the moment I stepped in my room, my mind cleared, and I was able to think clearly for the first time in months.

The memory of Shiloh’s vacant expression, the first time I had met her, flashed through my mind. My stomach knotted, but not in fear. It was concern. I pulled out the sketches from my back pocket, and I unfolded them. Who were these children? Why did I feel like they were essential to…whatever it was that Shiloh was mourning?

The questions were swirling in my thoughts. Round and round. My head was starting to swim. I was dizzy. I needed answers, but I knew there was only one way I would get any.

I marched across my bedroom and pushed my window open. Before I could change my mind, I leaned out the window and called, “Is anyone out there? Hello?”

There was a ruffle of leaves before Tobin dropped from one of the trees. He dusted his hooded sweater off and stalked toward me, looking somewhat put out. “Is there something I can do for you?”

“Yes,” I said, ignoring the bit of attitude in his voice and giving him a stern expression. “I need you to take me to your home, underground.”

His neck jerked back in surprise. “Really? Why?”

I squared my shoulders and felt my chest puff metaphorically with pride. “I need to see Shiloh.”


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

The wind whipped through my hair, deafening my ears and carrying my pathetic cries and groans away into oblivion, as Tobin carried me through the night at high speeds. I gripped onto his neck and buried my face against his back, but it did little to quell the racket. While I held on for dear life, hoping that I wouldn’t accidentally fall off, I reminded myself where I was going and why. Thoughts of Shiloh filled my thoughts, and I found myself becoming a bit braver. With a deep breath, I tightened my grip and waited for him to stop.

We finally came to a halt, and I had to take a moment before allowing Tobin to set me on my feet. The world was spinning, and my stomach was threatening to purge itself. I inhaled deeply, savoring the oxygen that filled my lungs, and slowly opened my eyes. Once I was sure that I wasn’t going to pass out, Tobin helped me off his back, and we stood there for a few moments before heading behind the rundown building.

We were less than twenty feet from the staircase, which would lead to the Walkers’ underground lair, when Tobin’s footsteps fell silent. Noticing the absence of his steps, I turned around and found that he had stopped moving. He didn’t look angry; he looked strangely complacent.  

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“Nothing,” he answered, shaking his head. “This is between you and Shiloh. I cannot be privy to what is said between the two of you. Her words, not mine.”

I exhaled a breath I didn’t even know I was holding, and nodded somewhat absently. There was nothing overly shocking about what he had said, but the idea of facing Shiloh one-on-one was daunting. _You have no reason to fear her._ I swallowed all my nerves, nodded to Tobin, and with no idea what I planned on saying, I headed toward the stairs.

Since it had rained off and on, the steps were covered in mud, leaves, and some puddles of water. I sidestepped the debris as best I could, but I still ended up with mud on the bottom hem of my jeans. The metal door was partially open. Was she expecting me? I pushed it open and waiting for me in the main gathering room was Shiloh. Her back was straight as an arrow, and her gaze was focused on the fire that was blazing in their makeshift fireplace. The light danced and flicked around the area, casting shadows across Shiloh’s face.

As I stood in the threshold, trying to decide if this was a good idea or not, she lifted her hand and gestured for me to enter. I shut the door behind me and crossed to her. She was seated on one of the old, moldy couches, and I cringed at the crunching sounds that came off it when I sat beside her. The main area of the Walkers’ lair was exactly as it had been the last time I had been there. The ground was still dirty, the walls were still covered in condensation, and the odor of mold remained. I tried not to cough as the heady smell invaded my sinuses, and instead, chose to breathe through my mouth.

We sat there for a few moments, the sounds of the crackling fire filling the silence between us. I grew a little agitated waiting for Shiloh to say something, and then it dawned on me that she was waiting for me. Sure enough, as I chanced a look at her, she was staring patiently and determinedly at the swirling flames. Something told me that she knew exactly what I wanted to know, but she was waiting for me to say the words. No one would hold my hand through this. I had to go it alone. My heart started to pound at the concept of initiating the conversation, but I took a deep breath and pushed forward regardless.

“I know th-that you got your sc-scar during The Purge, b-but I don’t understand why you’re so...so empty. Wh-what happened t-to you?” My voice was shaky, but it evened out the more I spoke. “You used to be so happy, so full of life. You used to smile. Nora told me that you smiled all the time. What changed?”

While I spoke, I noticed Shiloh’s hands tighten into fists, and her gaze dropped to the floor. Her posture was rigid, and the look in her eyes was sharp and chilling. Had I angered her? Perhaps it had been a poor time to question her. My eyes found the door, and I was moments from fleeing, when I heard something that sounded like a sigh of resignation.

Shiloh lifted her head, and her face was little more than a whisper when she spoke. “It has been nearly three hundred years since I have spoken of what transpired that night. Nearly three hundred years since I have spoken of _them_ , but they are in my every thought.”

“Are you talking about the children?” I flushed when she turned to me, curiosity in her eyes. “Collin showed me sketches of them. Who are they?”

She turned back to the fire. “What Collin and the others are now, the children were intended to be.”

I paused and considered what she said. “Were they receptors?”

She shook her head. “No. Receptors were an oddity at that point. They were pureblooded, as I am. A Walker who exhibits leadership is instructed on how to be an ideal _ceannaire_. In their final year of training, they are given four younglings to train and bond with. Alannah, Braonán, Cillian, and Donagh were mine.”

I nodded, remembering the youthful faces in the sketch as well as the smiles they had worn. “Where did they come from?”

Her gaze was wistful and faraway, very reminiscent of Alice whenever she had a vision. “Children in the old times were given up for training after their first year.”

I was quiet for a moment, preparing for the question I was about to ask. There was no turning back. I had come all this way. There was no way I was leaving without answers. With a deep breath and a silent attempt to boost my confidence, I asked, “Shiloh, what happened to them?”

“For me to adequately explain my history,” she rose from her seated position and crossed to the fire. “I must start from the beginning.”

My brow furrowed. “The beginning of what?”

She turned back to me, and with the light at her back, her face became a black void. “The beginning of The Purge.”

-

* * *

 

_(Northern Ireland, 1702)_  
(Aoife = Shiloh)  


* * *

The golden iris glowed in the East, and the wind was just starting to blow when Declan climbed a grassy knoll. He opened his mouth and inhaled, scenting and tasting the air for that familiar, lingering odor. She had been this way, that much was certain, but where was she now?

“Aoife!” His voice resonated through the thicket with the power of a million oxen, and reverberated throughout the surrounding forest. Declan cursed silently and sniffed the air again. Aoife’s scent had carried him here, and yet, she was nowhere to be found. Now was not the time for games, as he was in a hurry. “Aoife! Where are you? Come! I must speak with you!”

“What is it, Declan?” Her voice echoed through the area, but he could not find its source. “What has you so sore?”

He ran a hand through his hair and bared his teeth. “I am in no jesting mood!”

There was a snap of a branch, and Aoife materialized before him. Her long, wild hair was a tangled mess, filled with twigs and errant leaves, as usual, and her leather leggings were torn. Still, her pale skin radiantly shone through the multiple levels of dirt. She approached him and bent slightly at the waist, a move that he hastily reciprocated.

“What is wrong?” She asked with a sideways smile. “I have never known you to ignore formalities.”

He shook his head. “There is no time. Oren has sent for you. There are whispers through the lines and tremors within the air. Something is coming, something very dangerous. We must all prepare.”

Aoife tossed her hair and strode over to a low hanging branch. With a simple hop and skip, she ascended through the air and mounted the thick appendage. She laughed at Declan as she took a seat and said, “You worry as my father does.”

Declan huffed and glared up at her. Trying to get Aoife to concentrate on anything serious was difficult, especially today. “And you do not worry enough. Please, Aoife. If it were any other time, I would not bother, but there is something strange happening. I can feel it.”

Aoife dropped backward and swung on the branch, before dismounting. “Have it your way, Declan. I will accompany you, and when this turns out to be a folly, I shall accept your apology.”

He started to answer with a sarcastic retort, but he quickly closed his mouth and merely grumbled an incoherent noise. The fact of the matter was that he had succeeded in his task. That should have been all that mattered. Then again, he had never liked the idea of Aoife getting the better of him. She always had a knack for being a step or two ahead of him, and it frustrated him to no end.

As they made their way back to the outlands, where Oren and the others were positioned, Aoife entertained herself by frolicking in and out of the overhanging branches. Declan tried his hardest to remain stoic and single-minded, but Aoife’s laughter and her carefree spirit were contagious, and it was not long before he was in the trees beside her. She chuckled at his clumsy attempts to move gracefully through the tightly-packed branches, only to end up crashing through like a boorish animal. He glared at her, but try as he might, he could not stay cross with her. He could never stay cross with her.

He ultimately gave up trying to mimic her frivolity, and instead, he retreated to the forest floor. However, his eyes continuously watched her soar and maneuver through the green canopy above.

The two of them came upon the rest of their brothers and sisters on the southern tip of the forest. As they exited the foliage, both Aoife and Declan were in awe of the mass that had accumulated. Almost all of the ceannaires in their clan were in attendance, as were several from the other clans. Many foreign accents could be heard as they walked through the crowd—some relatively familiar, others not as much. There was no mistaking their loyalty, though. As Aoife traipsed through, each hunter she passed stopped and offered her their respectful bow.

One hunter—a redheaded lad with strong features and a keen eye—stepped forward, bowed at the waist and said, “Lady Aoife, it is an honor to be in your company.”

“Lady?” Aoife sniffed and shook her head. She gingerly reached out and touched the boy’s shoulder. “Such a title does not exist, my friend. I am Aoife. No more. No less. What is your name?”

“Erroll,” he said proudly, thrusting his chest out further. “I come from across the sea.”

“So I see,” she answered. “What brings you to our island?”

Declan stepped forward, cutting off the foreign stranger’s attempt to reply to her. “Aoife, Oren is waiting.”

She nodded, before addressing Erroll. “On behalf of my father and mother, we welcome you to our land. I beg your indulgence. I am due for a conference with our elders. Long life to you.”

Erroll bowed respectfully as she turned, but the look of longing behind his eyes did not escape Declan. As Aoife crossed to a group of cloaked individuals, Declan stepped in front of the boy, cutting off his view. “Mind your gandering eye, boy.”

Aoife had a way of attracting the attention of males, although she was utterly oblivious to it. When she had reached her third year, and the other male younglings had noticed her budding beauty, Oren had selected Declan as Aoife’s _Caomhnóir_ —a guardian and constant companion. It was a highly respected position, and since she was already very close to him, Declan regarded it as an honor. Since that moment, Aoife and Declan had been inseparable.

Erroll sneered arrogantly, but Declan could detect the boy’s fear. His lineage was known throughout the hunter clans, and this child was no exception. “Who are you to command my eye, beast?”

Declan gave Erroll a relieved smile before he stepped back and planted his right foot in the boy’s chest. The crack that resonated from his body surprised all who heard it, and across the way, Aoife turned suddenly. Erroll’s clan members howled as Declan climbed atop their brother’s collapsed form and smashed his face with a mighty fist. They attempted to restrain him, which incurred the wrath of those around them. A battle cry echoed throughout the area, and that was where the brawl began.

The clans divided and began to battle, snarling and tearing at one another, males and females alike.

Aoife watched in amusement as Declan disappeared in a swarm of hunters, and she shook her head. Yet another precarious situation she would be forced to retrieve him from. With a heavy sigh, she started forward with a deliberate pace, making use of her exceptional agility to maneuver through the fray. She eventually found him, pinned beneath six hunters from foreign clans, struggling to maintain his calm demeanor. Erroll was standing above him.

“Come now, beast!” Erroll laughed and kicked Declan’s stomach. “Let us see what you can—”

With a quick swing of her long, lithe form, Aoife deftly brought her right foot up and kicked Erroll across his face. He fell backwards, stunned by the impact, and stared at her in shock. With the ring leader disabled, Erroll’s men abruptly released Declan and rushed to their fallen leader’s side. While they nursed his damage pride, the remainder of the quarrels began to dissipate steadily.

Declan rose from the ground begrudgingly, frowning disapprovingly at Aoife. “You should be with Oren.”

“What else could I do? You were at a disadvantage,” she answered mischievously and shook her head. “Come with me—before you get into anymore trouble.”

He shook his head. “I am forbidden. You know this.”

“No. You are not,” Aoife said firmly and gripped his arm. She tugged, and he obediently, albeit hesitantly, began following her. “You are my guardian, which means you go where I go. Understood?”

He sighed. “Aye. Although, if I may protest, this will not end well.”

 As he predicted, the Elders were less than pleased to have Declan in attendance. Many of them left the area immediately, and those that did not, made it apparent that he was unwelcome. There was either marked hostility directed at him, muttered insults, or he was ignored all together. Regardless, Aoife made it abundantly clear that his presence was tied in with hers. Where one went, the other would follow. That was the way of things.

“My Lord,” Aoife saluted a robed figure seated on the earth. “I am here as requested.”

He pulled back his hood, revealing the familiar, youthful features of her father, Oren. He swept a hand through his thick, dark hair, and with a slight nod of his head, he gestured for her to sit beside him. “You are late.”

“I am never late,” Aoife responded as she took her place beside him. “I arrive when I am most needed.”

He shook his head. “Now is not the time for humor, Aoife. I have reports that many of the parasites have been seen on the southern tip of the land. They are not the young ones we are used to finding, though. They are older, much older. Some of the scouts chased them to the sea and escaped into the waves, but they have retuned continuously. I am made wary by their presence.”

Aoife, however, was unmoved by their plight. “We have encountered such numbers before, Father. Why should we not dispatch with them as we have in the past?”

“I will not risk the safety of my people. As my daughter, your mind should be as mine is,” Oren stated firmly, and Aoife felt thoroughly cowed. “Where are your younglings?”

Aoife smiled. “They are with Eleanora, learning their history.”

“Good.” Oren was pleased. “Go to them. Your leisure should be spent in their company.”

The idea of languishing her free moments on her future pack of hunters was not particularly ideal, but if it meant quelling her father, she would do it. “Yes, Father.”

After a quick bow, Aoife and Declan left Oren’s company and headed back to the under dwelling—a series of underground chambers where the hunters lived. While they dashed through the open terrain, Aoife glared up at the clouds that had invaded the perfect day. Shadows blotched the bright earth beneath her feet, and she felt a coldness invade her spirit. Her father’s words haunted her, and she would have been lying if she had said otherwise. Not wanting to feel any worse, she pushed her worries away and focused on her destination.

Aoife smiled broadly at the green earth beneath her feet. How she had ever believed that the human world could supplant her home was beyond her understanding. Her smile faltered, however, when _he_ danced across the corners of her thoughts. It had been months since she had last seen _him_ , and try as she might, she could not stop worrying. Aoife wanted to hate the fair-haired boy who had abandoned her, but she could not.

Declan noticed the change in her expression and recognized it for what it was. “I do not know why you simply did not kill him.”

She sighed, not wishing to have this conversation again. “I have told you why. What more do you wish?”

“It would have been a mercy,” Declan responded with a harsh scowl. “You still love him.”

“Of course I do,” she answered hesitantly.

“In all the time since his departure,” Declan stopped, “have you heard from him? Any letter? A visit?”

Aoife hung her head. She could not tell Declan the truth. It pained her to be false with him, but there was no other choice. If Declan knew what she knew, he would go to her father. She could not let that happen. “No.”

“What does that tell you?” Declan heaved a sigh and started to slow down. Aoife noticed his decreased pace and mimicked him. When they had come to a full stop, he turned to her and placed both his hands on her shoulders. “I care for you, little one, and it pains me to see you grieve for him. Grief is not something that is encouraged, you know this. Perhaps it is time to…let him go.”

She said nothing in response, but the look in her eyes told him everything he needed to know: Aoife would let him go—when she was dead.

“He is not coming back,” Declan said harshly, and Aoife’s head snapped up immediately. “Why can you not see that?”

There was no answer. Aoife merely turned away and returned on her path, and Declan hurried after her.

It didn’t take long for them to arrive at the under dwelling, and they, thankfully, were able to sneak past the mass of Walkers accumulated at the front entrance. News of the strange vampires in the southern lands had obviously reached them, and they were anxiously awaiting any kind of news. Aoife regarded them momentarily with pity, before finding her way to Eleanora’s dwelling. What good was to be found in worrying over something that had not yet occurred?

“What is in that head of yours?” Declan remarked beside her, and she smirked at him. “You may fool those around you, Aoife, but you cannot fool me. Your father’s words have pierced your confidence.”

“Pierced yours, perhaps,” she retorted, but there was still a lingering anxiety in her eyes. “Which of us had to save the other from the mainlanders?”

His sarcastic demeanor peeled away, and he glowered at her. “I could have handled it on my own.”

“What are you going on about now?” The cheery voice echoed, and they looked ahead to find Eleanora standing in the middle of the passageway, her hands on her hips. “You know better than to test his temper, Aoife.”

“I will keep that in mind,” Aoife said, trying to glance around Eleanora. Her father’s apprehensive words reverberated through her mind, and as she considered the tiny lives that had been tied to her own in the previous years, she grew slightly panicked. “Where are they?”

Eleanora smiled warmly. “We are just about to start on their final lessons for the day.”

Aoife and Declan accompanied Eleanora into her quarters, where four small children were seated before a fireplace. They rose and bowed gracefully, saluting her presence before returning to their prior positions. Eleanora returned to her teaching, while Aoife and Declan took a seat against a wall. They snickered to each other, quietly recounting their own experiences with the same lessons that their friend was teaching the children. After a few sharp looks from Eleanora, they fell quiet and simply observed.

In the short time she had been with them, Aoife had grown to love the children. Minutes turned to hours as Aoife watched her younglings interact with their teacher until the echoing whispers from beyond the room told her the sun was descending. How could it be that she could spend so long doing nothing more than observing them? She had seen many younglings come and go throughout her six hundred years, and yet, none had captivated her as these had. It was strange, to say the least.

“Oren is gathering all to the front.”

The voices from the outer halls pulled Aoife’s attention away, and she felt a tremor run through her blood. Her father did not call for such a gathering unless something important was to be said. She rose from her position and exited the room, finding two of her fellow Walkers, Conor and Oisin, locked in heavy conversation just outside the door.

Conor bowed as she approached. “Aoife. Have you heard your father’s call?”

She nodded. “I overheard you speaking. Is it true Oren is calling us?”

“It is true,” Oisin confirmed, nodding. “Will you join us?”

She sighed. “I have little choice in the matter. Declan and Eleanora will come as well. I will fetch them.”

Aoife turned away and ducked back into Eleanora’s dwelling. Both, she and Declan had overheard and were preparing. Eleanora instructed the children to remain where they were, and they complied. As Aoife turned, the youngest of the children reached out to her.

“Aoife?” Alannah rose from her feet. “Is everything all right?”

Aoife, not wishing to worry a child, nodded. “Of course, Lana. Oren is simply calling a meeting. Nothing more.”

“If that’s true,” Cillian interjected, “then why do you have to go so far?”

“Why do you have to go at all?” Alannah stepped closer. “You never go to his meetings.”

Aoife laughed at Lana’s observation, which was, after all, very accurate. “I always attend, but I never stay.”

“Will you not skip this one?” Alannah pleaded. “You promised to take us on a night run.”

“That I did,” Aoife conceded apologetically. “But must I remind you of a very crucial lesson? Duty comes before frivolity.  Leisure comes to those who follow their ceannaire and the laws of our people. Do you understand?”

Alannah pouted. “Yes. I understand.”

“Good.” Aoife nodded. “Now, show me how you bid your ceannaire farewell.”

All four of the younglings stood side by side, backs straight, chests puffed out. In an elegant sweep, they placed their right hands across their body and bowed at the waist. Aoife returned their respective salute with her own. However, she rushed forward and wrapped her arms around them, inciting giggles from all of them. They stayed like that for a few moments, before Eleanora appeared and called to her.

“Wait here for me,” Aoife called over her shoulder, and the children smiled. “I will come for you.”

* * *

 

Aoife pulled her hood up and kept her head down. Whenever her father called for these meetings, everyone looked to her, as if she knew her father’s secrets. There had been a time when she had longed to be his confidante, but those days were long gone. Now she avoided the spotlight that being the daughter of the High Elder brought to her life.

“Quiet, my brothers and sisters,” Oren’s voice called out through the air, and a silence swept over the crowd. “There is news from the South. A small legion of parasites moves from the shores. They shall be here very soon.”

“Let them come!” Someone shouted enthusiastically, and he was cheered on. “We shall devour their masses! We will send a warning! This is our land!”

“Silence!” Oren commanded. “We should not be so hasty to kill them. Their movements are different than those in the past. We must remain cautious and not foolhardy.”

“How many are there?” Declan asked.

“Twenty,” he answered, and there were hushed whispers through the crowd. The parasites they had encountered in the past had never amassed in such a large group before. “And we have reason to suspect there may be more.”

“How many more?” Another asked.

“We do not know.” His answer was unsatisfactory to the masses, but they remained silent out of respect. It was not their way to make demands out of the Elders. As the anxiety increased, he sighed. “What would you have me do? Tell me what it is you desire.”

“We shall chase them from our land!” One shouted.

“Let us drink from them and burn their corpses!” Another cried.

“We will send a message to any others that would dare to invade our land!” The familiar voice of Erroll called above the others, and a series of cheers followed him.

Aoife merely shook her head at the squabbling hunters, and she glanced in the direction of home. She wished she could simply vanish into the darkness and return to that tiny hove, to her four little ones. However, her place was here. The threat the parasites posed was much more important than her boredom.

The arguments went on for nearly an hour, with no headway made. Half of the masses wished to fight, while the others agreed with Oren’s recommendation of careful observation. By the time the moon rose in the sky, they were no closer to making a decision than they had been in the beginning. Everyone was growing restless for that very reason.

“This is ridiculous,” Declan whispered to Aoife and Eleanora. “It is clear that Lord Oren wishes to observe the intruders. Why do they argue with him? His word is law.”

Eleanora shook her head disapprovingly. “He is not a tyrant, Declan. He will consider the wants and needs of the clans before making a decision.”

Declan bowed his head and grumbled, “It still seems like a waste of time.”

“Regardless,” Eleanora said, regarding him with mock seriousness. “If Oren decides this is worth the time spent, then so be it.”

“You are forever against us,” Declan answered tersely. “What do you think, Aoife? He is your father, after all.”

“Yes. He is my father”—Aoife turned to them—“but that does not mean I understand his methods.”

The arguing had grown louder, and Aoife was tired of it. So without so much as bidding Eleanora and Declan good night, she turned her back and started toward the under dwelling. Why should she remain when there was nothing she could contribute? Why should she waste her time there? However, as she stepped away from the group, she stopped and frowned. The high hill in the horizon, the one that led to their home, was glowing. It was a vibrant orange and red, and it danced, almost as though the sun were rising. That was impossible, though. Wasn’t it?

“Declan? Eleanora?” Aoife called, and the two joined her. “There.”

Little by little, the quarreling hunters quieted and diverted their attention to the flaming hill. It was as though the world was set ablaze with color. What was happening? A fear seized Aoife as she stood there, transfixed by the intense color, and before she comprehended what was occurring, she was running. Her feet pounded against the earth, and they were accompanied by several others. They were a stampede, unrelenting, and they did not stop until they reached the top.

The world had been reduced to nothing. The once vibrant, green grass was engulfed in many levels of fire and ash. Aoife’s eyes tore around the burning field, and they finally rested on their underground dwelling. Their home had been constructed of stone, but they were also supported by a wooden frame work. It was only a matter of time before it collapsed. She had to get to it. She had to get to _them_.

There was no hesitation.

Aoife leapt into the air, sailing over billowing waves of flames, and she landed at the center of the inferno. All around her, the other hunters were scrambling for one another while trying to fend off a flurry of cloaked invaders. As she pushed through the heat, one of the cloaked creatures came at her. She launched herself at him, expelling the loudest, angriest war cry she could manage, and in a fluid movement, she ripped his head off. Without stopping to inspect the kill she had just made, Aoife continued toward her goal. She fought through a swarm of leeches, each one reaching out to her, but they were little more than a distraction. She easily took off their arms, leaving them screaming in pain on the ground.

Declan and Eleanora were hot on her heels, but as the hordes of parasites fell on them, they lost track of her. Where had she gone? Declan made quick work of the leech in his hands, and he turned to find Eleanora in the same position. Where had all these leeches come from, and how had they become so skilled in the ways of Declan and his brothers and sisters?

In the meantime, Aoife had arrived at the main entrance and was horrified to discover that it had collapsed. The rubble was tightly packed and unrelenting, but not for Aoife. With a frustrated cry, she began heaving stones through the air like they were twigs, not caring where they landed, and after a minute, she had cleared enough for her to enter. Smoke poured out of what was once her home, but Aoife would not be deterred. She pushed through the plume and disappeared inside.

Beneath the walls of their underground home, it was like a waking nightmare. Dark clouds of smoke hovered through the air, while violent bursts of red and orange painted every corner. The beams supporting the underground stone structure had caught fire, and they were dangerously close to breaking way. Aoife flinched and dropped to the ground as a large beam caved, unleashing another pile of rocks and dirt in her direction. She easily dodged it and continued down her path, fearful that the younglings were already beyond her reach.

She squeezed through narrow passageways and dodged flares that shot out of the wall randomly, but she managed to find her way to Eleanora’s space. She turned the corner and gasped. There was no sign of the younglings, living or dead.

Aoife felt her heartbeat stunt, and she anxiously cried out, “Alannah! Cillian! Braonán! Donagh!”

She was silent for a moment, waiting for any sign that they were still there, but as the moments passed, there was nothing. However, as she intended to search further, there was an echo through the hallway. A voice that was very familiar to her.

“Aoife! Please!”

She was up and running before the voice had stopped, and the echoes and reverberations led her to one of the training rooms. They were large, at least thirty to thirty-five feet, and thankfully, this one had not collapsed yet.

Aoife called out for her younglings again, but this time there was a different response.

Instead of an innocent, childlike voice, there was a deep, sinister laugh.

She inhaled deeply and turned. There, standing between two pillars, was a leech. He was as tall as she was, but his figure was narrow and stiff. His long hair puffed as a hot gust of air blew through the space, and he pulled his cloak tight around him. Beyond him, huddled in the corner, were the children. They stared fearfully up at the vampire, and the look of terror in their eyes constricted her heart.

“You are familiar to me,” he seethed with an evil smirk and took two steps forward. Aoife arched her back, and he stopped. “I have heard of you, Aoife—daughter to the King of the vampire hunters. You are every bit as lovely as he said.”

She continued to observe his every move, while simultaneously looking for a way for the younglings to escape. However, the leech’s words confused her. Who was he speaking of?

He noticed her confusion, as miniscule as it was, and his smile widened. “That is right, Aoife. The one who would be your husband came to us in his hour of need. He told us all we needed to know of you and your half-breeds.”

_He would not do such a thing…would he?_ Aoife felt a massive weight in her chest moments before a searing hot hole carved itself in the pit of her stomach. Her body curved forward a fraction of an inch, but she fought it. She refused to appear weak before any enemy. There was nothing should could do about the past, about _his_ treason, so she decided to focus on the issue at hand. Although she could not deny that his betrayal stung. Badly.

“Did you honestly believe you were infallible?” The vampire cackled. “Did you truly think you could ever match us? We are all powerful. This is our world, half-breed! We will not stand idly by while you attempt to take it from us.”

“For someone who says he will not stand idly by,” Aoife responded with a rumble in her chest, “you do an awful lot of talking.”

He laughed derisively and opened his mouth to speak, but he never had the chance. Aoife burst forward, putting as much power in her heart and body as possible, and when she and the vampire collided, it was as though the world had stopped. The toppling of the under dwelling slowed, and seconds became minutes. Her attention was solely focused on the vampire before her and his imminent death.

Aoife’s right arm swung forward, catching the leech off guard, and her nails slashed across his rock-hard skin. A thin line of venom leaked down his cheek, but he merely laughed and lunged at her. His body cut through the space separating them and swiped at her stomach, his own razor sharp claws hungry for her flesh, but she agilely avoided the contact.

She thrust her back into a stone pillar, causing it to crumble, and growled fiercely.  The vampire arched his back and stalked forward, ready to take Aoife’s life, but she was ready. She pushed forward and ensnared him around the neck, planning on ripping his head from his shoulders. Before her fingers could tighten their grip and seal his fate, he leapt up and backward with a bone rattling growl, and he sent Aoife tumbling into another pillar. This time, a mass of stone and dirt crashed down into the room. The vampire capitalized on Aoife’s brief distraction, and he gripped her back, pushing her down and digging his nails into her skin.

She roared in a mixture of anger and pain. She had only been injured by a leech twice. It was considered a dishonor, the sign of an inferior warrior, but she chose not to think of that. She had to get the upper hand. There was no other option.

The ground beneath their feet shook, the air became thicker with ash and soot, and the red and orange flickers of the expanding blaze blanketed the room with an eerie glow.

Once again, Aoife and her vampire assailant connected in the center of the room, wildly punching and kicking at one another, before separating and circling around one another. Neither was capable of growing tired, but each was sustaining injuries that were slowing down their attacks. Aoife had a gash on the small of her back, which was leaking blood down her legs, and the vampire had several wounds on his torso. Although they healed quickly, there were still causing him a large amount of pain.

Throughout the exchange, the younglings had remained where they were, gripping onto one another. Every now and then, Aoife cast a panicked expression in their direction. She had to get them out. But how?

The vampire snarled viciously, exposing his razor sharp teeth and rushed forward, ready to end this fight. At the same time, Aoife opened her mouth and all the anger, frustration, and hatred that had been pent up inside her, came tumbling out. It was not a war cry; it was a roar. They crashed together again, the sound equivalent to an avalanche, and their roars and snarls united in a cacophonous symphony of rage and fury.

It was evident to Aoife that, although her age made her stronger, he was still a skilled combatant. It took him only a few seconds to wriggle out of Aoife’s grasp, extend his foot in front of him, and push her across the room. The vampire flipped through the air, rushing toward Aoife with malevolent intent. Once again, the two locked together, making every attempt to ensnare the other with their own teeth. Despite the vampire’s fighting skills, Aoife was simply too strong, and with a final push, the vampire was on the ground again.

Aoife straddled his chest, her knees locking his body in place, and she reached forward. She smiled with relief, glad this it was over. Her younglings were safe.

Or so she thought.

As she leaned forward to end the vampire’s life, he managed to free his right hand. It came up with a powerful thrust, and she fell backward as the blood splayed through the air. She hit the ground with a thud, a burning pain twisting and marring her leg. She struggled to get up, but the pain was overwhelming her. Her legs had abandoned her, and she was left paralyzed.

And he was there, laughing and mocking her agony. He rose from the ground and crossed slowly to her. As he stared at her twitching form, he heard the muffled cries of the four children huddling across the room. His grin expanded wickedly, and he knelt beside the struggling vampire hunter. Giving her a quick death was too easy. He would do something memorable.

He pushed her to ground with one hand and leaned over her. “I am rather disappointed in you. I expected more.”

Nothing more was said. The vampire took his right hand and found her calf on her left leg. With deft precision and painful speed, he drug his index finger up the length of her body. His nail, rigid and sharp, cut its way through her flesh, revealing a curtain of meat and blood in its wake. Aoife growled huskily, trying to keep it in, which spurred him further. He put more weight behind his actions, and his finger began to carve her bones.

Aoife’s strength failed her, and although she struggled, she began to scream.

He past her collarbone, noting with satisfaction how he felt each ridge of her bone click beneath his touch, and carved his way up her throat. Aoife coughed as blood flowed into her mouth, and she felt her body go rigid and stiff. She was absolutely paralyzed, the pain overwhelming her every thought. Even when he pulled his nail across her eye, blotting out her vision, it was as though it was not happening, as if she was somewhere else.

With a satisfied sigh, he stood and admired his work. Were it not for the rising and falling of her chest, he could have sworn she was dead.

He leaned down and snickered. “Please stay, my dear child. There is so much left for you to see.”

With that, he turned to the children. The numbness that Aoife felt, dispersed when the first of their screams came. It was Cillian. She would know his little voice anywhere. She shook her head and fought against the crushing pain, the anger boiling through her body, but she could not move.

“Help! Please! Aoife! Save us! It hurts! Please! Stop! Aoife!”

As the little boy cried out for her to save them, she wailed and screamed, damning the monster taking his life, vowing that she would have her revenge. But, in the end, there was nothing she could do.

One by one, the younglings were slaughtered with brutal slowness and determination, and all Aoife could do was lay there and listen. Listen to her beloveds be torn from her world, stolen from her. Each scream, each plea, each extinguished flame cut the life from her, until all that was left was a hollow shell. The vampire stood over her, wanting to see some sign of life, but there was nothing. Despite the quick breaths she was taking, there was no spark in her eyes.  

With a victorious smile, he vanished, leaving the desolation in his wake.

She lay there silently for a long while, but as the silence overwhelmed her, as it crushed the light that had burned brightly for so many centuries, she caved. She screamed and sobbed into the harrowing darkness that surrounded her. Her cries and sobs echoed back with diminished intensity, but she did not notice. Her screams were endless, traveling through the passageways, past the corpses of her dead brothers and sisters, and disappearing into oblivion.

-

-

* * *

 

_(Present)_

I sat there in awe, unabashedly staring at Shiloh. Even though I had not been there, I felt as though I had heard her cries echoing through time, piercing through me. She had been forced to listen while those she loved the most were murdered, and there was nothing she could do about it. How had she survived it? How had she picked herself up and overcame the devastation? How had she not gone mad in the darkness?

“Declan and Eleanora found me eventually,” she stated. “Were it not for them, I would have certainly expired.”

She rose from her seated position and crossed the room. Nailed to the side of the wall was a mirror in the shape of an oval. Shiloh stopped in front of it, staring at her reflection. The firelight cast strange shadows across her face, and it was easy to see her as a supernatural creature.

“I was not strong enough to save them,” Shiloh said blankly, but when she turned to me, there was one, lone tear threading its way down her cheek. I gasped at what was certainly the first sign of emotion I had ever seen Shiloh express. “I cannot justify my own happiness, when they were robbed of their own.”

It took me a moment to speak, as I was still overwhelmed by everything she had told me. The pain and anguish that Shiloh had suffered was unthinkable, unimaginable, and yet, it had happened. The fact that she had suffered so made me angry. Very angry.  “Do you believe they would want you to be unhappy?”

Shiloh turned away. “Declan has attempted that argument before. This is my penance, Bella, and I accept it willingly.”

I sighed. “It just seems so unfair. You don’t deserve to be miserable.”

To her credit, she actually looked surprised. “I am not miserable, Bella.”

“You never smile,” I insisted. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you laugh.”

Shiloh sighed. “There are many ways to express joy, Bella, and not all of them are as simple as smiling and laughing. You will learn that it time.”

I frowned. “Can I ask you something?”

“Of course,” she responded without looking at me.

“Why did the children stay behind?” I asked. “Why didn’t they try to escape while you were fighting? They could have saved themselves.”

“That is something I cannot explain to you fully,” she answered, her expression neutral. “That is something you will come to understand. Until then, let me ask you a question: is there anything you would die for? Any person or ideal that you would sacrifice yourself for?”

I paused and thought back to Forks and everything I had thought was my life. I hung my head in shame. “I don’t know.”

“One day, you will,” she said as she crossed the room to me. Both her palms rested on my shoulders, and her features relaxed. “One day you will recognize something greater than yourself, and in that moment, you will understand why the younglings did not flee in the face of certain destruction.”

I nodded absentmindedly and looked at my feet. The idea of putting something else ahead of myself and my well being scared me, especially after what had happened with the Cullens. Yet, when it came from Shiloh’s lips, I felt less afraid. I felt reassured. Could I commit to the Walkers? To Shiloh? Growing up, I had intended my life to one long line. Middle school, high school, college, graduate school, possibly a doctorate degree, followed by an amazing career, and possibly a special someone somewhere along the road. Could I really give it all up? Would I?

I had been more than willing to give up everything for Edward and look where that had gotten me. Could I trust the Walkers to not abandon me? Could I give myself over again?

“What is on your mind?” Shiloh’s soft voice caught me off guard. I had never heard her sound so…concerned. “You are quite pensive.”

I shivered. “I’m scared.”

Shiloh cocked her head to the side. “It is normal to be apprehensive of the unforeseeable.”

I scoffed lightly. Shiloh was a beacon of strength and fearlessness. “Do you even know what it means to be scared?”

 “Yes. I do. There are many types of fear in this world. Some of them are rational, while others are not. I fear for the safety of my receptors.” She took a seat beside me and turned in my direction, staring at me intently. “All of them.”

Her words hit me like a ton of bricks, and the remainders of my protective shell cracked. Shiloh was scared for my safety? She feared for me? I thought back to all the time I had spent analyzing her emotionless demeanor and questioning her motives, and it made me feel absolutely, one-hundred-percent stupid. She viewed me as one of her receptors, a part of her life. She hardly knew me, and yet, she included me.

“Why?” My voice was thick, little more than a whisper, and although I tried to sound normal, there was a distinct quiver in my voice that gave me away. “Why do you fear for my safety? Why do you even care? I’m nobody, Shiloh. I’m nothing special. I’m sure there are so many other receptors who would be better for you. They could be perfect for you. They wouldn’t disappoint you. That’s something I’m afraid of. I’m afraid of disappointing you.”

She nodded. “And it is for that very reason, that humility, that self-sacrificing spirit, that separates you. There is strength in you, Bella. I can see it. You have a spark inside of you that desires to ignite, but you deny it. You let your fear snuff it out. You must release your fear, your anxiety, and open yourself up to what scares you the most.”

As I stared at Shiloh, and her words sunk in, my thoughts rebelled against me. I thought back to that moment in the woods, when Edward had figuratively cut my heart out, and I gasped. I instinctively tried to push the memories to the far corner of my mind, but I fought against it. The faces of Edward, Alice and Jessica, laughing during lunch, returned, and this time, instead of hiding, I faced them.

_I’m not afraid of you anymore…_

_I’m through hanging on to the past…_

_I don’t want this…_

_I don’t want it…_

_I DON’T WANT YOU, EDWARD!_

I felt my wall shatter and collapse. Only this time, it did not rebuild itself.

* * *

_Author's Note: Thanks for reading! The next chapter is halfway written! :)_


	19. Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Nineteen

“Can I ask you something?” I asked tentatively, and when Shiloh didn’t contest, I took her silence as her agreement. “What do you need me to do?”

She turned to me, and although her expression was vacant, there was a curiosity in the way she moved her head. “There is nothing I require from you at this moment.”

“That’s not what I mean.” I shook my head and tried again. “Let’s say, hypothetically, that I was to commit one hundred percent to training. What would you need me to do?”

“This is a precarious situation,” Shiloh remarked, and she rose from her seated position. “You are human and therefore, unable to fully commit to our proper training methods. That being said, were I to modify the ancient ways, there is a possibility that you could still reach your potential. However, I will not do so without a full commitment, which means the forfeiting of all your human ties.”

I nodded. “You mean school and work?”

Her gaze sharpened. “As well as your human relationships.”

I felt my expression change, and with good reason. Hearing the story of Shiloh and the massacre of her younglings had overwhelmed me, and I had momentarily disregarded my obligations to my family. As I considered the ramifications of abandoning them, I realized how potentially bad that could be. After all, Renee had Phil, but Charlie had no one. Just thinking of him made me cringe in emotional pain. We had just reconnected on the phone, and the distance that I had forced between us, both literal and physical, was starting to dissipate. I was even considering visiting him after I graduated. Could I really sever connections with my family in the blink of an eye? Could I vanish from their lives forever?

Shiloh was watching me with passive curiosity. “Family is important to humans, is it not?”

I hunched forward and stared at the floor. “I didn’t realize how important they were until recently. I’m sorry for being so difficult, Shiloh, but I can’t just can’t up and abandon them.”

There was a slight pressure on my shoulder, and I looked up to find Shiloh staring down at me, her hand on me. “I will not pretend that I understand what you are feeling. I recognized that plucking you from humanity would cause potentially hazardous outcomes. Therefore, you may retain your ties to your family as long as they do not interfere with your training.”

I smiled, relieved. “Thank you.”

“Please bear in mind that should you decide to join us,” Shiloh added, “this will no longer be an option. You will be mandated to sever.”

“I understand,” I answered, nodding profusely. “Thank you, Shiloh.”

She inclined her head slightly. “The question remains: do you wish to commit to our training?”

The idea of walking away from my education felt taboo, but there was also a sense of relief tied to it. There would be no more tests, no more gym classes, and no more mindless, repetitive homework problems. I would be free to focus my energies on other tasks, ones that required brawn instead of brains. Could I do it? Could I walk away from something that had been my safety blanket for so long?

Shiloh turned away from me. “Perhaps we should discuss this at another time.”

“No,” I insisted, rising from the couch immediately. “That’s not necessary. I know what I need to do. It just feels strange to me. I’ve always been a relatively perfect student. It’s one of the few consistencies in my life. Walking away from my education is…well, it’s hard.”

“You will still be a student, Bella,” Shiloh said as she approached me. “Instead of studying the laws and culture of humans, you will be learning our ways and methods. In addition, Declan has agreed to keep your absences unnoticed.”

I couldn’t fight the smile that surfaced when I remembered that Declan, Shiloh’s second-in-command was my principal. He could easily manipulate the attendance count if need be. It was immoral, and yet, I was glad.

Looking around the Walkers’ den, I asked myself if I could really go through with it. Could I commit to learning how to hunt vampires? The very idea was scandalous to me, almost as though I were betraying the Cullens. I would not be hunting them directly, but stalking others of their kind seemed like a close second. Did I really have it in me to kill something?

Shiloh must have sensed by nervousness, because she stepped closer to me. “You are strong enough, Bella.”

I looked up, shocked and moved by her words. “I am?”

She nodded. “You have my utmost confidence, as well as that of the others. Collin, Riklin, Tobin, Una, Nora, and Declan all believe you will succeed.”

I was floored by what Shiloh had said, and I took a moment to reel in my emotions. I had ultimately decided that the majority of the Walkers were neutral in regards to me. The fact that they were actually rooting for me to become like them, filled me with a warm feeling. Edward had been so against me becoming like him, even going so far as to suck the venom from my wrist, but maybe that was how it was meant to be. Maybe I wasn’t meant to be a vampire. Was it possible? Was this what I was meant to do? 

“I’ll do it,” I said slowly, and as the reality sank in, a large smile spread across my face. “I want to do it. I want to commit to this.”

Shiloh nodded. “As my fledgling, I will hold you to your word, and I will use all my power to help you in your endeavor.”

“Great,” I answered, excitement boiling beneath my skin. “When do we start?”

She crossed to the door and opened it, before turning back to me and saying, “Now.”

-

* * *

 

-

I had thought that I knew what tired really was. There was a time when Renee had kept me awake for almost thirty-six hours, and my little, ten-year-old eyebrows had felt as though they were being pulled by twenty pound weights. Then again, there were the days following the incident with Edward. I had stayed awake for almost two days, too afraid of the nightmares to find any rest. However, as I tried, once again, to climb a giant tree in under five seconds, I realized that anything before this was mere child’s play.

My hands dug into the exterior of the tree, splitting the trunk beneath their strength and pushing my body farther up. Unfortunately, a thick branch snapped free and swatted me across the face. The shock of the impact jarred my concentration, and I found myself falling backward. I hit the ground with a heavy thud and groaned as the mud dampened by jeans.

Shiloh appeared over me and merely said, “Again.”

I gave no protestation. I rose to my feet, walked to the base of the tree, and tried again. This time, I managed to get all the way to the top, but it was still too slow.

“There is no hesitation,” Shiloh’s voice rang through the air, as I deftly moved up the trunk again. “There are no second chances. There is no uncertainty. Your reactions must be immediate, instinctive, fluid.”

I reached up and gripped a branch, but it was wet, and my fingers slid away. My body flailed as I tumbled through the air, but instead of waiting for the earth to find me, I curled my body inward. I flipped a few times but managed to level out in time to land on the balls of my feet.

“Very good.” Shiloh nodded appreciatively, and I beamed. Then, she pointed up and added, “Again.”

The constant up and down continued on through the night. By the time the sun’s rays started to color the sky, I was able to ascend a tree in less than three seconds, and elegantly dismount with a series of spins and flips. I was pleased with the progress I had made.

“You have done well,” Shiloh remarked as I approached her, and she bent at the waist. I recognized the bow she gave me. It signified dismissal. “Be at leisure.”

With that, she turned and started heading in the opposite direction.

“Shiloh?” I called after her, feeling somewhat panicked, and she stopped. “How am I going to get home?”

She did not turn, but I still heard her. “You shall run home.”

“I shall…what?” I couldn’t believe what I had just heard. “You’re joking, right?”

“You shall run home,” she repeated. “I shall come to you in eight hours time for your next lesson.”

I started to contest again, but before I could utter a word, she was gone. She had vanished into the shadows, leaving me standing in a mixture of shock, anger, and fear. The woods creaked and chirped in an unfriendly way. I gasped as the shadows began to look slightly more menacing than they had previously. My chest started to constrict, and I felt as though I was gasping for breath. I instinctively felt my body cringing toward the ground, wanting to curl up and disappear. Why had Shiloh left me? Why hadn’t she waited for me? Was she abandoning me?

It didn’t take long for me to realize what was happening. The parallels between my current predicament and the incident a couple months ago in Forks were not lost on me. I refused to sink to that level. I would not lose myself again. It was not going to happen. Not again.

“NO!”

My voice was foreign to me. It was definitely my voice, but there was an unfamiliar edge to it, something that made it sound more like a snarl than an actual voice. That wasn’t all, though. I wasn’t nervous. There was no anxiety in my entire body. Instead, I was angry.

“Get a grip, Bella.” I growled. “Now is not the time to fall apart.”

As I stared into the near endless sea of green and brown, I felt something click into place. I couldn’t always rely on others. Sooner or later, I would have to take a leap of faith and do things on my own. With that in mind, I thought back to all the times I had spent around Collin, as well as the Cullens. Whenever any of them had tried to find something, they would use their power of smell. I turned my nose to the air and inhaled deeply, tasting the scents of the forest. While my sense of smell was nowhere near as strong as the Walkers or the Cullens, it was powerful enough to help me follow Shiloh’s trail.

Shiloh had a remarkably pleasant scent; it reminded me of freshly dried, hot laundry. I closed my eyes and let my nostrils guide me. Unfortunately, they took pleasure in leading me directly into trees, bushes, and rocks. After I stubbed my toe, I made the decision to keep my eyes open. It didn’t take me long to find my way back to the Walkers’ underground home, but I was annoyed to find it empty. I called out into the surrounding trees, hoping that one of them was lingering nearby, but nothing happened.  

I breathed out a heavy sigh and looked bleakly at the dirt road in the distance. There was no other option. I would have to find my way home.

The dirt road stretched in either direction and disappeared in the distance. I remembered all the times I had been brought to this spot, and I eagerly turned right. My pace began at an even trot, but I soon picked up my speed and started sprinting. Dust and tiny stones flew up as I hurried through uneven stretches and ducked out of sight of oncoming cars. After two minutes of this, I found myself on the side of a familiar highway.

I took a moment to catch my breath and massage my throbbing muscles. While my time spent training with Collin had improved my muscular strength and endurance, I still got relatively winded if I didn’t take breaks. I also used the opportunity to read the closest sign to me to get my bearings. Where on Earth was I?

“You are going the wrong way,” a familiar, sarcastic voice retorted behind me, and I turned to find Una leaning against a tree. She was scowling at me and shaking her head. In an elegant sweep of her hand, she pointed in the opposite direction. “That is where you should be heading.”

 “Oh,” I muttered as I noticed a sign that stated Jacksonville was twenty miles away. The sun was almost beginning to peak in the distance, so I knew I had to hurry. I had to be home before Renee and Phil woke up. “Thanks.”

“No problem,” she answered nonchalantly.

I shuffled past her, trying to quell the embarrassment I felt. Of all the Walkers, I was certain that Una liked me the least. She always seemed to treat me as a nuisance, whether intentional or not. Even now, as I glanced back at her, she looked as though she was put out by having to help me. She had probably never had to help any of the others.

That thought made me feel insecure, and I stopped walking.

“Is everything all right?” I heard her call, no amount of curiosity or concern apparent in her voice. When I didn’t answer, she appeared by my side. “What is wrong?”

I shrugged. “I’m sorry that you have to help me find my way. I know you must have better things to do.”

“That is very possible,” she remarked emotionlessly, briefly reminding me of Shiloh, but her vacant expression peeled away, revealing something resembling concern. “I do not mind helping you, though.”

Surprised, I whispered, “Really?”

“Not at all,” she confirmed, and a tiny smile appeared on her face. “I find your company rather… interesting.”

Her strange turn in attitude confused me, but I wasn’t about to look a gift horse in the mouth. I also knew that the more I dawdled, the more likely I was to run into Renee when I got home. It was time to focus.

“Thank you for your help,” I said graciously. “I should probably head home.”

“Would you like a guide?” Una offered. “I will be heading into the city anyway. It would be wonderful not to do so alone. I am also in the possession of four wheels and an engine.”

I frowned, trying not to think of the illegal means Una had utilized to procure whatever vehicle she was talking about. “That’s very considerate, but Shiloh told me I had to run home.”

“Really? That is impressive,” she commented with raised eyebrows. “Well, may I join you?”

“Um, yeah,” I mumbled, lowering my eyes. “I mean, I’m not as fast as you. So you’ll probably be bored.”

“Doubtful,” she responded with a wave of her hand. “Now, shall we begin?”

Knowing that I couldn’t talk her out of this decision, I merely kept my mouth shut and nodded. As we started moving, I said a silent prayer to anyone who was listening. _Please, please, don’t let me fall flat on my face._

Una was faster than me. I couldn’t imagine how she moved her legs with such blinding speed, but it was beyond me. I tried to put extra force behind my strides, but it was useless. No matter what I did, I couldn’t catch up. I was distracted only momentarily, because as I cast my attention to the forest beside us, I was in awe.

I could finally comprehend why Edward never hit the trees when he ran—a question that had always been somewhat of a mystery to me. Running at this speed, even though it was probably only a fraction of his capable velocity, was a peculiar sensation. While I sped over, under, and through multiple obstacles, I could plainly see each tiny leaf on all the small branches of every insignificant shrub that I passed. While my vision wasn’t crystal clear, and I had to try hard to focus on certain things, it was an improvement from my normal, twenty-twenty, human vision.

The warm, humid air blew through my hair and filled me with a sense of rejuvenation.

Una led us away from the highway, which was becoming more congested with cars, and navigated us through the trees beside the road. We ran, side by side, through the forest. It was exhilarating. Over the sound of my laughter, I could have sworn that I heard Una chuckling as well. When I looked to her, she became stone-faced and hurried ahead of me.

Deer and small game animals scampered out of the way as we thundered through their home.  The forest was much busier than I’d ever known. The small creatures, whose existence I’d never realized, retreated to their burrows around me. They all grew quiet after we passed.

With all the excitement and the continuous speed, I kept waiting to feel winded, but my stride and breath came effortlessly. There was no burn in my muscles, no pain in my appendages.

We had been running for about fifteen minutes, when I noticed the frequency of trees diminishing. By the time we slowed down, we were dangerously close to a busy intersection. I came to a stop and glanced around us, not recognizing the area we were in.

“Where are we?” I asked curiously.

“The southwestern side of Jacksonville,” she answered without looking at me. After a few seconds, she waved her hand at me.  “Follow me.”

I glanced at a clock that was mounted in a small antique shop window. It was six fifteen. Renee usually woke up around seven, which meant I had exactly forty-five minutes to get home. My pace became quicker as we moved.

“In a hurry?” Una quirked an eyebrow at me.

I nodded. “My mother wakes up at seven. I need to be home before then.”

The derisiveness of her laugh was unmistakable. “That’s right. You are choosing to live at home.”

“Yes. I am.” I put an extra amount of firmness behind my words, refusing to be ridiculed for considering my family’s feelings above my own. “Shiloh agrees with my decision.”

She sighed. “There is a difference between agreeing with something and tolerating it, Bella. If Shiloh had her way, you would be with us every day, regardless of who is in your life.”

“That wouldn’t work.” I shook my head and pushed down my rising irritation. “My father is the Chief of Police in my old town. If I suddenly disappeared, he wouldn’t stop looking for me.”

“Are you suggesting his jurisdiction goes as far as Sweden?” Her tone had not changed, and there was a flicker of amusement in her eyes, which irritated me.   

“Look, I didn’t ask for this.” I stopped walking and turned to face her, anger burning in my eyes. “I know you don’t like me. You probably consider me a bother, at most, but I’m not going anywhere. I don’t know if I’ll be able to put up with this hostility for…however long this training lasts. So could we just go back to ignoring each other?”

Her brow furrowed, almost as if she was confused, but I didn’t see how that could be. What was there to be confused about? From the very beginning, she had gone out of her way to show me that I didn’t belong. She was the one who actively called me “The human,” after all.

“Bella,” she said in thick voice, and I waited to hear what she had to say. “You are probably right. It is best for you to remain with your human family.”

I was surprised by her admission and couldn’t find an adequate response. Rather than continue the conversation, though, we both turned back and continued on to our destination. The silence was strange, but it was better than the awkward conversation we had just had. It remained this way for the rest of our time together, and by the time I reached the house, I was ready to go inside.

“Thanks for coming with me,” I said without looking at her. “I guess I’ll see you later.”

“Bella.” She started forward, her hand out stretched, and I waited, but she just stood there. Her mouth opened and closed a few times, almost as though she couldn’t find the right words. I had never seen a supernatural creature speechless before. It was slightly unsettling. After a few seconds, she blinked twice and composed herself. “I’ll leave now.”

She turned and stalked down the street at a human pace, and as much as I wanted to call after her, to find out what she had wanted to say, I turned and headed to my bedroom window.

Once inside, I peeled the dirty, torn clothes off my body and left them in a heap by my bathroom door. As much as I wanted to just hop into bed and pass out, I knew I smelled and looked like death. I ignored my bathroom mirror for that very purpose and stepped into the bathtub. The moment the water hit my body, I felt each muscle tighten and relax, and a long, breathy groan came from my mouth. Never in my life had a shower done so much for me.

Time slipped by, and before I knew it, the descending droplets cooled, signifying the end of the hot water. I stepped out and wrapped my body in a towel, but instead of exiting, I paused in front of the mirror.

Standing there, I had to take a moment to accept what I was seeing. In the past couple months, I had looked in the mirror, but it was only until recently that I had actually seen myself. My cheeks were no longer shrunken due to lack of sustenance. Now, they were angular, which gave my face an almost predatory look. I traced the lines, but I wasn’t surprised. I had felt myself changing. This was merely physical proof.

I could smell breakfast cooking in the kitchen, and my stomach rumbled in response. Although my body was crying for sleep, it was also demanding food. Seeing how I still had the task of convincing Renee that I was sick again, I chose to get dressed and leave my room. I also had the arduous task of finding a way out of my morning carpool with my mom. I had no idea how I would get to school, though. The only other person I knew in town, the only one who had a car was Una, and I wasn’t planning on asking her for help.

So without much effort, I threw on a pair of sweatpants and a baggy t-shirt, and I headed to the kitchen, trying to hide the fact that I was stumbling. My muscles had taken enough punishment, and they were ready to rest.

“Good morning, Bella,” Renee said with her back to me. The skillets in front of her were sizzling, wafting delicious aromas toward me. When she turned around, her smile faltered momentarily. “Are you all right? You look terrible.”

“I’m not feeling well,” I said, trying to make my voice sound thick and heavy. “I didn’t sleep last night. I was up all night, coughing.”

“Oh, honey,” she replied with a frown, and she quickly swept across the kitchen and placed her hand on my forehead. “You don’t have a fever. It may be allergies.”

I shrugged and faked a cough. “I feel really tired. Is it okay if I spend the day at home?”

She nodded. “Of course, it’s okay. Are you sure, though? Would you like me to stay home with you? You’ve been on your own so much lately. I’m worried about you.”

“I’m fine,” I answered quickly, shaking my head. “I don’t want you to miss work on account of me. I also think I want to start walking to school. It’s not that far, and I think the exercise would do me good.”

Her expression hardened immediately. “I don’t like it, Bella, not with all the violence in the news.”

I could see her point, but I knew I had to sway her. “What about the bus? There’s a stop a couple blocks away. You can drop me off there. Dad gave me a can of mace earlier this year. I could carry that around if it would make you feel better.”

Renee pursed her lips thoughtfully. “I’ll think about it, okay? In the meantime, why don’t you have something to eat, and then go lay down?”

I fought the urge to remind her that I was eighteen, and therefore, able to come and go as I please. It wouldn’t help my case. So I nodded, ate some breakfast in silence, and made my way back to my room.

When I shut the door behind me, I gasped. Sitting cross-legged on my bed was Una. She was flipping through my copy of Romeo and Juliet, and her boots were dangling off the edge of my mattress.

“I have never particularly cared for Shakespeare,” she said dryly. “His stories seem so trivial.”

“I guess they are to a certain degree,” I said nervously, my fingers fidgeting. “Why are you here?”

She shut the book and returned it to its place on the shelf. “I feel I owe you an explanation about what I said earlier, Bella.”

I shook my head and leaned against my door. “You don’t owe me anything, Una.”

“Yes, I do.” She leaned forward and steepled her fingers in front of her mouth. “It is not you that I have an issue with. All things considered, I like you. You have strength inside of you that I have never seen in another human—and it has nothing to do with the venom in your veins.”

I didn’t know how she knew about that, but I chose to ignore it.

“I realize now that I have alienated you,” she continued, turning her face in my direction. “I have made you feel unwelcome, and I am sickened by it. Please accept my apology.”

I shook my head. “You don’t need to apologize to me, Una. I understand that you’re skeptical of me because I’m human.”

“It has nothing to do with your humanity.”

I stopped speaking and simply stared at her. With her pale blonde hair and fierce expression, she bore a striking resemblance to Rosalie. Edward had always been adamant that his sister was jealous of my humanity. Was it possible that Una was the same?

“Ar-are you s-sure?” I asked timidly. “D-do you wish you were…um…human?”

The look she gave me was memorable and almost made me laugh. Her brow furrowed, and the left side of her lip tugged upward in disgust. It was clear that she had no interest in being human. So what was the problem? What was her problem?

“You just look so much like her,” Una said finally, lowering her eyes. “It is very disorienting.”

Something clicked in my mind. “Who do I look like?”

Her lips formed a tight line, and she stared at me skeptically. “If Collin has not told you, then I am somewhat reticent to share.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” I complained, and without stopping to consider it, I crossed the room and stood in front of her. “Who do I look like, Una? Does it have something to do with that journal that Collin had me read?”

She sighed and nodded.

“If he didn’t want me to know about…whoever wrote in the journal, would he have had me read it?” I was angry that, once again, I was being kept out. I was going to put a stop to it once and for all.

“He had you read it because he has never read it,” Una responded, shrugging.

“He hasn’t read it?” My neck jerked back in surprise. “Of course, he has. He has it on him at all times. Why else would he do that?”

She leaned back on my bed, placing both hands behind her head. “Collin is illiterate, Bella.”

I blinked a few times before laughing. “No, he isn’t.”

Una nodded. “Yes. He is.”

“That’s impossible,” I stated. “He goes to school, doesn’t he? Schools require that students have a certain reading level, or else they can’t attend.”

“Collin is not an official student.” She gave me a pointed look. “He can read some words, but his knowledge is not vast enough. It is no surprise that you are unaware of this. He is ashamed by it.”

As I listened to Una tell me how he had put off learning to read. He was fluent in the ancient language, which was spoken by the Elders and the rest of the Walkers, but English had been pushed to the backburner. I was saddened when she told me that Nora had tried to teach him, but he had been too proud to accept her help, especially after she had been changed.

“So that’s why he wanted me to read it?” I muttered to myself.

Una smiled sadly. “Yes.”

“But, I don’t understand something,” I said, shaking my head. “Why is the journal so important to him and the rest of you? When he thought I had read it, he freaked out.”

She shrugged. “That was before you knew what we were. Shiloh was worried that you would discover that vampires and the Walkers existed. Little did we know, you were already somewhat aware. She also feared that you might share it with the wrong crowd. You were spending time with that little remora, Jillian.”

I smiled and blushed a bit. “Every time I have asked Collin about the journal, he clams up. I’m fairly certain he plans to keep that to himself. I need your help with this. Please? Who wrote the journal?”

She exhaled heavily, looking somewhat uncomfortable. “I really should not tell you this.”

“I need to know,” I said firmly, taking a seat in front of my desk. “Please, Una.”

“He is not going to like this,” she muttered to the ceiling. However, she redirected her attention to me almost immediately. “The journal belonged to our last receptor—Madelyn.”

I rested my elbows on my thighs and leaned forward. “What happened to her?”

Una’s face fell significantly, and for a moment, I almost thought she was going to cry. “She died.”

“Oh.” I felt guilty for forcing Una to discuss something that was obviously painful for her. While I watched her carefully, though, I recalled what she had said about the person I looked like having something to do with Collin’s journal. “Is she who I look like?”

“You catch on quick.” Una smirked slightly, her voice dripping with sarcasm. “Yes. With the exception of your long hair and height, the resemblance is uncanny.”

Una reached into her back pocket and pulled out a small bit of paper. She unfolded it and handed it to me. It was a picture of three, smiling individuals. Two of them were easily identifiable—Una and Collin—but the third almost made my heart stop.

There, nestled in between Una and Collin, was my face. The girl in the picture had noticeable differences. She had a pixie cut, similar to Alice’s, her lips were painted ruby red, and her black shirt was rolled up above her stomach, revealing rows of impressive abdominal muscles. Other than that, we were nearly identical. It was amazing.

“She was a good hunter,” Una explained. Her expression pained, and she added, “and a good friend.”

I stared at the image, longing to find another difference between us—a different nose, skin tone, or anything—but I could find nothing.

I looked up at Una. “What does this mean?”

“Other than you both come from the same bloodline,” she remarked with a shrug. “It means nothing.”

“This isn’t just nothing,” I said firmly, still not tearing my eyes from the picture. “Is this why Collin wants me to become like you? Was she his leannán or something?”

“I do not believe so.” She looked thoughtful for a moment. “Although, it would explain a great deal. Maddie and Collin were very close, Bella. They were the very best of friends. Her death nearly crippled him emotionally.”

I thought of Collin, the sarcastic, somewhat rude Walker who had, almost literally, dragged me into this life. It was difficult to picture him as a broken individual, but considering Tobin’s situation, I rethought my position.

“How did she die?” I asked.

“Nora, Maddie, and Collin were out hunting,” Una explained. “They were ambushed by a pack of bloodsuckers and were cornered. Nora called out for the rest of us, but we were too far away to be of any assistance. Nora was bitten, but Maddie was killed. Collin blames himself.”

I frowned. “Why?”

“They were not supposed to leave the group,” she said. “He convinced Shiloh to let them hunt on their own.”

“That’s so sad,” I commented, sighing heavily. “Poor Collin.”

“Yes.” Una lowered her eyes. “I do not approve of what he is doing with you, Bella. It is almost as though he is attempting to replace Maddie. That very idea makes me angry.”

My mouth fell open, and I started shaking my head. “Una, I’m not trying to take anyone’s place. I’m not trying to be anyone.”

She raised her hand to quiet me. “I understand that, Bella. As I said before, my quarrel is not with you.”

We sat there in an uncomfortable silence before she stood up and moved to the window.

“I should go,” she explained, opening my window. “You should get some rest before Shiloh comes. From what I heard, you are going to need it.”

I wanted to ask what she meant by that, but I didn’t. “Okay. Thank you, Una, for everything.”

“It was about time you knew,” she said simply and slipped through the window. She leaned back in and added, “Long life to you.”

I wasn’t sure what I should say, so I merely repeated what she said. “Long life to you, as well.”

She disappeared quickly, and I shut the window. I would have to ask Shiloh about “Long life to you.”

I lay back against my pillow, and exhaustion crashed down on me like an avalanche. I stared at the bleached pale ceiling from under my heavy lids, and I let my mind wander idly for a moment, expecting sleep to take me immediately. But after a few minutes, I found myself more alert, anxiety creeping back into my stomach, twisting it into uncomfortable positions.

Today was going to be a very long day.

My mind spun in a whirl of questions and hypotheticals. What did Shiloh have in store for me? Was Collin only pushing me into this life because I looked like Madelyn?

Sometime in between questioning Collin’s motives and wondering what lesson Shiloh would teach me later in the day, I fell asleep. One moment, I was glaring up at my ceiling, and the next, I was standing in the middle of a burning plain.

The flames licked the sky, turning it bright red and orange, and the screams of those below filled the air with a strange, haunting symphony. Scattered all around me were smoking heaps. I recognized the sweetness in the air and did not examine the mounds too closely. I had no desire to see the faces of the vampires that had been executed, half afraid that I might recognize one of them.

As I pushed to the lower valley, I expected to see the Volturi, their black capes sweeping through the area.  Perhaps this nightmare was a product of Shiloh’s story. However, I saw no cloaks. In fact, creeping carefully between boulders and trees, I finally saw where the screaming was coming from.

Several vampires of multiple ages were scrambling from a burning castle. As each attempted to escape, though, a large body cut through the air and knocked them down. I watched in horror as the shadowy figure bit into the neck of a female vampire, no older than fourteen years old. She screamed and pleaded for help, but no one heard her. No one helped her.

I stood by as a large man wrapped his hands around her neck and pulled. She wailed and kicked at him, but it was useless. Her head came off in his hands, and her body stilled. Her assailant tossed her disembodied skull into a raging fire and hoisted her body over his shoulder.

“Come and see,” an eerily familiar voice echoed through my mind. It moved all around me, as though it were being carried by the wind.

I chased after the haunting words, and I soon found myself crawling across dark, cold stones. The fires raged behind me, but regardless of their heat, I was frigid. There was a trail of liquid, which shimmered in the moonlight, and I got the idea that I was following it. The shining fluid was my bread crumbs in the darkness.

After choosing to ignore the liquid, I pulled myself upright and found that I was standing before another fire pit. I cautiously approached and was relieved to see Collin standing close to the flames.

“Collin,” I called out to him, but I was astonished by the sound of my own voice. It sounded throaty and playful.

He turned and smiled, but it was not his typical smile. This one seemed sinister. “Maddie, my dear, come and see.”

My body moved against my will, and I found myself standing beside Collin. He wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me closer to him. As he brought his nose to my neck and planted a small, lingering kiss there, I shivered. What was happening? Why was he calling me Maddie?

“We found them on the outskirts,” Collin sneered and gestured to a pair of individuals whose faces were covered by hoods. “They claimed to be different.”

My eyes trailed down to the two figures, and even though I could not see them, they were familiar.

From the darkness, Shiloh appeared. She looked different than usual. The scar on her face was redder than usual and appeared to be leaking. Drops of blood dotted the ground beneath her feet, and I anxiously tried to get Collin to notice, but he was oblivious. Shiloh crossed to the two, hooded figures and stood behind them. In one sweep, she pulled the hoods away and stepped back.

There, kneeling before me was Edward and Alice.

Shiloh turned to me, her expression vacant. “You cannot have both worlds. If you are to move forward, you must sever this connection.”

Alice lifted her head, and her eyes were pleading. “Bella, aren’t we friends? Don’t you love us?”

My stomach knotted as I stared at her, and I shook my head. “You abandoned me when I needed you the most, Alice. I…don’t…I…no! No! We’re not friends! You were never my friend!”

“Please, Bella?” His voice dripped with velvet and silk, and I fought the urge to close my eyes and listen to him speak. When he turned his eyes to me, I felt my heart sputter. Edward smiled. “Love, come to me. I love you. I want you with me always. Join us, and I will change you this very instant.”

Abruptly, I was angry. Beyond angry, I was furious. The pangs in my heart, which I had felt upon seeing Edward and Alice, had vanished. All I wanted in that moment was the chance to sink my teeth into them, to rip their limbs from their bodies and toss them into the fire. I was so enraged I could have frolicked around the pyre while they screamed. My lips curved back automatically, and a low, steady snarl tore up my throat from the pit of my stomach.

Collin’s arms snaked around my midsection, and he whispered in my ear, “They are yours.”

The fire that separated me from Edward and Alice had grown, but it was deathly silent.

I took one step forward, and then another. Each movement I made felt like a lifetime, and yet, I was standing before Edward and Alice almost instantly. Their wide, fearful eyes watched me, pleaded to me. I looked away and found Shiloh staring at me intently, willing me to make a decision. My back went rigid as I felt something inside me cave.

Edward started backing up immediately, trying desperately to rise to his feet, and Alice began to quake.

“Who do you stand with?” Shiloh’s voice rang clear and strong. “Are you with us, or do you align yourself with them? You must decide now.”

I stared down at the two vampires from my past, and I felt my anger boiling over. They had used me for their own personal reasons and then dumped me like yesterday’s garbage. How dare they? They would not get away with it. No good deed goes unpunished.

I stepped up to Edward, wrapped my hands around his head, and just as I was moments from ending his life, I woke up and screamed at the top of my lungs.


	20. Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty 

My screams echoed through my room. I sat up straight in bed, clawing at the empty space in front of me, trying to prove to myself that it wasn’t real. It had been so vivid, though, so lifelike. I could remember how Collin’s lips had felt on my neck, and I could perfectly recall the sweetness that had pervaded the air. In fact, my face was still warm where the heat of the fires had licked my face. Two beads of sweat cut their way down my cheeks, and I started gasping for breath. _It was just a dream._

I held myself tightly together as a familiar rush of pain invaded my chest. While l lay there, I found myself wishing that I could go numb again, return to my world of neutrality, but I couldn’t remember how I’d managed it before. The dream was nagging at my mind and making me think about things that would hurt me. _Edward. Alice. Jessica …_ Even as I shuddered away from the images, I felt my eyes fill with tears, and the aching begin to take root in my soul again. I could not let that happen.

So I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t allow myself to return to the hollow shell I had become after Edward had broke my heart.

I pushed myself off my bed and started preparing for my next training session with Shiloh. After selecting a long sleeve shirt and jeans, I stared bleakly at my tennis shoes. With all the activity I had been a part of recently, they were dangerously close to splitting apart. I left them where they were, and instead, I found myself in Renee’s closet. When I was eight years old, my mother had developed a fascination with motorcycles. She had bought a full outfit and had signed up for riding lessons. However, like many other hobbies, it was quickly abandoned. She never got rid of the clothes, though.

Sure enough, I found a long, white box in the back of her closet. The boots were black, with vanity buckles encircling the ankle area, and reached halfway up my calf. They conformed to my feet comfortably, and I actually smiled at my reflection in Renee’s full-length mirror. Somehow, they made my legs look longer.

I cleaned up the mess I had made and headed back to my room. The dream was still on the edges of my mind, but I denied myself the ability to dwell on it. Instead, I found other tasks to focus on. I wrote a quick note to my parents, letting them know that I was sleeping and didn’t want to be disturbed. I taped the note outside in the hall, and I locked the door behind me. After all, I wasn’t sure if Renee would grow suspicious and peek in. With all my “illnesses,” I would have been shocked had she not tried to check on me.

When I turned back, I was immediately startled. Shiloh was standing in the middle of my room. The window was open, and the curtains billowed as the wind blew through.

“Oh, hello, Shiloh.” I smiled nervously and approached her. I tried to remember the appropriate salute, but I couldn’t think of anything. Her very presence had a way of rendering my mind blank, which was bittersweet. Knowing she respected honesty, I said, “I can’t remember how I’m supposed to greet you.”

She nodded. “That is what you will be working with Nora on today.”

“Really?” I was surprised. “Doesn’t Nora need to run the store?”

Shiloh shook her head. “The store will be closed for the day.”

Nothing more was said after that. Shiloh led me out the window, and I carefully shut it behind me. I was somewhat annoyed that we couldn’t go out the front door, but I wasn’t about to argue. As soon as we reached the end of the street, her pace began to increase, and I tried to stay by her side. When her legs began to move at an inhuman speed, I started to worry.

“Shiloh?” I called to her, and she slowed almost immediately. “Do you worry about humans seeing you move fast?”

“Never,” she answered. “The majority of humans cannot detect our presence. While they can see us, they do not acknowledge us as a threat or obstacle. Humans can feel that vampires are threats, and they notice them. Do you understand?”

“I think so.” I frowned. “How was I able to notice you?”

She turned to me briefly. “There are two answers for your question. The first is that Collin’s recurring presence caught your eye. The second is that, since you are a receptor, you were able to sense us.”

“So it’s almost like an instinct that I have?” I asked, and Shiloh agreed with my observation. “Would I be able to sense vampires the same way?”

“No.” She began to slow down as we approached a busy intersection. “Receptors are drawn to leeches, even before they are turned. Their thirst for venom is ingrained in their subconscious.”

_Is that why I was so drawn to Edward?_ I felt my stomach cave in at the idea that my feelings for Edward and his family had been nothing more than hereditary genetics. Could it be true? I shook my head and pushed the idea away. It didn’t matter anymore. I was nothing to them, and they were nothing to me.

Shiloh and I ran alongside the streets of Jacksonville, and not once did anyone point us out. We were visible, but the drivers merely ignored our presence. It was shocking that the public was so oblivious to what was happening right before their noses. How much had escaped my notice when I was young? What had I been missing?

I was surprised when Shiloh suddenly veered away from the highway, and instead, turned down a side street with a dead end. However, she led me to a grassy embankment with a pair of rusted doors on them. My stomach tightened when I realized it was another entrance to the Under Passage. I had not been back since Tobin had taken me. In spite of the little voice that told me Shiloh’s presence would ensure my safe passage, I grew nervous.

Shiloh pulled the doors open and stood back, allowing me to go in first. I tried to remind myself that my safety and well being was her first and foremost concern. She wouldn’t take me down there unless it was absolutely safe. Would she? I swallowed my fear and pushed forward, allowing myself to climb into the pitch blackness of the city’s under belly.

I stuck close to Shiloh as she navigated the twisting turns of the dark, dank tunnels below Jacksonville. Every turn led us to another passageway that looked identical to the one before. How on earth could Shiloh know where she was going in this labyrinth? Had I been down here on my own, I would have certainly gotten lost.

Our journey was cut short when Shiloh approached a wall, and as I watched in silence, she slid open a large metal door. The other side looked like some form of storage closet, and I frowned in confusion when I crossed the threshold and looked around. While Shiloh shut the door behind us, I inspected a few of the boxes. The insignia belonged to a popular fast food chain. Where in the world were we?

After she had closed and locked the door, Shiloh crossed to another door and twisted the knob. I gasped as I found the mall’s food court on the other side. Realization slowly spread through me, and I started to laugh.

Shiloh turned to me, her expression flat, with the exception of her slightly raised eyebrows.

I shook my head and stifled my laughter. “I’m sorry. I was just remembering when I gave Collin his journal back. I had wondered where you all had disappeared to.”

She nodded, her features softening. “This is our usual means of traveling to see Nora.”

We made our way to the escalators, and I couldn’t fight my curiosity. “What did you think of me when you first saw me?”

Shiloh didn’t look at me, and her pace did not dwindle as she said, “I was confused by your presence. As I have said previously, human beings usually ignore us. Your willingness to approach us, as well as your refusal to flee confounded me.”

I smiled. “Did you know I was a receptor?”

She shook her head. “No. Not until you appeared in our dwelling. By then, I had a suspicion, but it was unfounded.”

We walked the rest of the way in silence, and I used the time to think some more on my dream. It was strange to me that Collin had been the only one to acknowledge me as Maddie. Was that a sign of something? I flushed when I recalled the way his lips had traced the curvature of my neck, and I took a deep breath to clear my head. There was no sense dwelling on that part, or was there?

“Are you all right?” Shiloh asked. “Your heart has changed its rhythm.”

I flushed and quickly said, “I’m fine.”

The sign on Pages said that it was closed, but the door was unlocked. As soon as we entered, I made sure to flip the lock, just in case someone got curious. The lights were all turned down low, and I had to squint in order to find my way to the staircase.

I didn’t even have to ask; I knew we were going to the third floor.

Nora was waiting for us when we got to the top, and I stopped to gawk at the sight before me. My boss was clad in one of the strangest outfits I had ever seen. Her torso was covered by two pieces of black fabric, which looked like leather, sewn together with loose pieces of fabric, with corset-like lacing running up her arms, legs, and body. She looked like something that had crawled out of a Renaissance faire.

“Nora?” I tried to suppress the guffaw. “What are you wearing?”

She approached me, her determined gaze focused on me. “This is the traditional hunting garb of the Walkers. It is made in the same manner as their boots. It is meant to provide room for movement, and the fabric is durable. And if I were you, Bella Swan, I would not be poking fun. Should you join the Walkers, you will be required to wear this.”

My face fell. “I haven’t seen Collin or the others wear that.”

She frowned disapprovingly. “That is because our Shiloh does not fancy tradition.”

“Tradition has done nothing but destroy,” Shiloh answered from her place in the corner. She was leaning against the wall, and I noticed a slight sparkle to her eyes. Was she enjoying herself? Or was the sight of Nora’s outfit envoking a memory? “We have no use for it here.”

“That may be,” Nora said in a tight voice. “However, if Bella were to join you, you would be required to present her before the Elders. They require tradition be observed, and as Oren’s daughter, you would be expected—“

“I know what is expected of me,” Shiloh cut her off sharply. “I do not need a lecture, Nora.”

Nora leaned back and crossed her arms over her chest. “Sometimes I wonder.”

“Do not forget your place, Eleanora,” Shiloh said, her voice noticeably more hostile. Her back straightened, and her shoulders squared. “Enough with the idle chatter. Bella is in need of an education on propriety.”

Nora nodded and turned to me. “Very well. Where should we start?”

“At the beginning,” Shiloh responded, her emotionless voice returning. “And be thorough.”

For the next three hours, I was drilled on the proper procedures of being a Walker. I learned the last of the bows and salutes for the different hierarchies, as well as the proper verbal greetings. Although Shiloh hardly ever practiced them, they were a necessity, should I ever go to the Swedish Colony. The idea of standing before a panel of ancient hunters made my stomach twist in knots, but it wasn’t entirely a bad thing. It excited me to no end.

Nora decided to give me a break, and she left to get me something from the food court. I had contested, saying that I was fine, but the rumble in my stomach had betrayed me. So I took a seat at the table on the third floor, while Nora rushed off to find me some sustenance, with Shiloh watching me like a hawk from the corner.

If I was being honest, I hated people staring at me. I had tolerated Edward and Alice doing it, but all in all, it really bothered me. As I sat at the table, trying to entertain myself by counting the divots in the wood, I could feel Shiloh’s gaze boring into my skull. My hands started to tap nervously on the wood, and my heart began to thrum quicker.

After enduring five minutes of her stare, I finally caved. “How are you doing today, Shiloh?”

She did not miss a beat. “I am well, Bella. How are you?”

“I’m good,” I answered in a terse voice. I hadn’t meant to sound that way. I was just sick of the staring. Realizing that she was not going to stop anytime soon, I chose to hunt for a distraction. I didn’t have to think long. “Will you tell me about Madelyn?”

She shrugged slightly. “I will offer what answers I may have.”

“Do you think I look like her?” I asked pointblank, still uncomfortable that one of Shiloh’s former receptors was practically my twin.

Shiloh cocked her head to the side. “There are notable physical similarities, but that is where they end. Madelyn had a particular personality that is in contrast to yours, Bella.”

I fidgeted slightly. “When did she die?”

“About fifteen years ago,” Shiloh answered, and I breathed a sigh of relief. If I had heard the word ‘reincarnation’ come from Shiloh’s lips, I probably would have lost my mind. “The same time Nora became a vampire.”

I sat quietly for a few moments, wondering if I should ask the question that was brewing in my mind. I decided to throw caution to the wind. “Is that why Collin wants me to become like you? Because I look like her?”

Shiloh lowered her head. “The only one who can answer that riddle is Collin.  I will admit that it has crossed the minds of the others, as well as myself.”

I hadn’t even considered the other Walkers. What had their thoughts been? Were they upset with Collin? Did they think I was trying to replace her?

I shook my head. “Do you think I’m trying to replace her?”

Shiloh shrugged. “Not in the way you are considering.”

As irritated as Shiloh’s vague answers made me, I was relieved that she did not blame me. Or did she? It was difficult to tell. Rather than risk being loaded with more unclear answers, I chose to remain silent, but that didn’t mean my mind wasn’t shouting continuously at me. There had to be a way to find out if Collin was attempting to replace Madelyn, as well as the feelings of the others. However, the fact that I could hardly look any of them in the face was a significant concern.

Sensing my discomfort, I heard Shiloh sigh. “I do not believe Collin is consciously attempting to replace Madelyn. He did care for her a great deal, more so than the others. So it is with that in mind that I say he may be unaware of his actions.”

That made sense, but it still didn’t make me feel better. I didn’t like the idea of being used to replace someone. I was me. I didn’t want to be anyone other than me. Moreover, what if I turned out to be a disappointment? Would Collin still want to be my friend?

“Can I ask you something else?” I asked, and Shiloh nodded. “What was she like? Madelyn?”

Shiloh leaned against the wall, her eyes focusing on nothing in particular. “She started out relatively hostile, but the same could be attributed to any newly turned receptor. Her induction to this life was very different than yours. Collin and Una found her, and she was close to death.”

I was briefly reminded of Emmett and how Rosalie had carried him for miles, so Carlisle could save him.

“The scent of her blood told them that she was a receptor. So they brought her to me. I was hesitant to change her, though. I stand by what I have said before: loyalty does not come from force. But there was no other option. They pleaded for me to save her, and so I did. Her initial reaction to her new place in life was not favorable. She attempted to run and return to her old life, but she realized how impossible that was.”

I lowered my head, realizing that Shiloh wasn’t just telling me a story. She was issuing me a warning. _Make sure this is what you want, because there is no going back._

“After she stopped her repeated escape attempts, she fell into a silence. She would not move. She would not feed. It was disheartening. I was nearly moved to end her suffering.” She paused as she took in my horrified expression. “It was not something I would have relished. An immobile Walker is not useful. She was not happy with her lot. The merciful thing to do would be to offer her a quick, painless death.”

I tried to write off what she had said, but it was difficult. What if I wasn’t useful? Would she do the same to me?

“It was the eve of her twentieth day as a Walker, and I was on my way back, when I heard the most peculiar sound. She was laughing. I found that Collin had broken through to her, gotten her to open up. Although she clammed up when I came around, it was a step in the right direction. So I stepped back and allowed things to take their natural course.”

I smiled timidly.

“Once she started applying herself, it was astounding how quickly she adapted to her new abilities. It was as though she were made for our lifestyle. She meshed with us so completely. I suppose I have Collin and Una to thank for that. Her personality was vastly different than the others. She fought with an edge, an anger that I had only ever seen in Tobin. She was arrogant, though, and in the end, it consumed her.”

“I don’t understand.” My mouth turned down in a frown. Madelyn had been arrogant and angry, which had led to her downfall. “What was it about her that made Collin and the others love her so much?”

“She did not believe in fear.” Shiloh looked me in the eye. “I am not sure where it came from, but she was absolutely fearless.”

It still didn’t make much sense to me, but I refused to push Shiloh any further. The sharpness in her voice had increased, which told me she was getting irritated. I sat back and let my thoughts wonder. What had Madelyn been like? Why was she so fearless? How had she captivated Collin and the rest of the Walkers?

Nora returned shortly after my conversation with Shiloh, and I gladly ate the sandwich and soda she had brought with her. However, that wasn’t all she brought with her. I beamed when she ascended the stairs with Rix in tow.

“Good day to you, Bella,” Rix announced happily, his smile spreading from ear to ear. He took a seat beside me, and he watched, with a fascinated expression, as I devoured my food. “What does it taste like?”

I laughed at his question. “I’m not sure how to describe it.”

How would one describe food to someone who had never tasted a bit of it his entire life?

Shiloh and Nora left briefly to discuss something, and I seized the alone time with Rix to interrogate him on Madelyn. Of course, it didn’t take much prodding. A mere request was all it took for Rix to spill his secrets. He was endearing and reminded me of Jacob Black in that respect.

I just sort of stared at him for a long while, listening to him in awed silence. His description of Madelyn differed vastly from Shiloh’s, but I got the feeling that he was covering up the negative parts out of consideration. For what, I wasn’t exactly sure. According to Rix, Madelyn was fierce in her desire to protect those she loved. She hid her feelings behind arrogance so as not to appear weak. She formed a strong attachment with Collin, and the two were inseparable. Dex had speculated that she was his leannán, and he just needed to realize it. However, she died before that could happen.

“It is a shame that she left us so young,” he said sadly, and he reached over and ruffled my hair. “You would have liked her.”

I wasn’t paying attention to him. Instead, I was fighting one of the strangest emotions that I had ever felt. It was familiar, and definitely one I did not want, but it was there regardless. When Rix had mentioned Madelyn and Collin being soul mates, I had felt a sting in my heart that felt dangerously close to jealousy. I tried to shake it off, knowing it would not help me, but it was still there. It was absolutely ridiculous, though.

I was no more in love with Collin than he was with me.

“Are you all right?” Rix interjected with a frown. “You look upset.”

“I’m not.” I shook my head and smiled apologetically. Of all the Walkers, Rix had been the nicest to me. The last thing I wanted was to be rude to him. “I’m sorry. I don’t know where my head’s at right now.”

“Not at all,” he remarked politely. “However, I would advise getting your head together before you leave. Word has it that Shiloh is going to take you to practice leaps. You will want your wits about you when that occurs.”

“Leaps?” I shook my head in confusion. “I don’t understand.”

He shook his head and grinned mischievously. “Oh no, my dear. This is for you to find out on your own.”

I groaned. This could not be good. He refused to say anything more, though. My mind raced through all the possibilities, but nothing seemed rational or realistic. Of course, I reminded myself that there was nothing rational or realistic about the Walkers, and my fears were reignited.

-

* * *

 

-

As I stood next to Shiloh, I considered all the ideas that I had come up with. None of them had truly prepared me for what was about to experience. The Jacksonville skyline lay before me, sparkling under the descending sunlight, and beneath me—at least thirty floors beneath me—the city’s downtown residents scurried like busy, little ants. I swallowed the lump in my throat and tried not to look down.

Leaping, as Rix had called it, was an easy mode of travel when the Under Passage was not an option. The short definition was that it entailed hopping from one building to another at high speeds. While it seemed easy enough in theory, the moment I saw how far apart the buildings really were, I almost lost my mind. There was no way I could jump that far. True, I had come a long way with my strength and speed, but I still had limits, for goodness sake.

Shiloh disagreed.

“The venom in your system is much more potent than I anticipated,” she explained as we stood on the edge of a massive tower. Her hand rested on my shoulder, but I could not tear my eyes away from the plunge beyond the edge of where I stood. “You can do this, Bella. I have confidence in you. They have confidence in you as well.”

I furrowed my brow, confusion partially shadowing my fear, and I glanced to where she was pointing. Across the fifty feet of empty air separating our building from the next, I spied four familiar figures. Tobin, Una, Collin, and Rix were jumping up and down and shouting. Their cheers reached me, and I couldn’t fight the laughter that bubbled from my chest.

“Let me demonstrate,” Shiloh said, and she gratefully led me away from the edge. I stepped back as she crossed to the far side of the building. “Since you are still partially human, you must have a wide berth of room to get up to speed.”

I nodded, my insides twisting up in fear and excitement. Speed and I did not mix, not if I wanted to go without a scrape or bruise, but I refused to let my human side hold me back.

Time slowed down, and I carefully tried to dissect Shiloh’s every movement. She took a series of quick steps forward, bringing her stride to a run, and as she crossed the half way point, her body went into overdrive. Shiloh’s steps quickened to a pace I could not follow with my vision—regardless of the enhancements I had experienced.  

The outline of her body started to blur, and as I tried to keep up, she leapt off the edge of the building. I gasped out of instinct and rushed to the edge, but Shiloh had already mounted the other side. A nervous laugh came from my lips.

As I stood there, gawking at what I had just seen, Shiloh’s voice called to me, “Your turn.”

The smile left my face, and I felt the blood rush to my feet. Could I do it? Did I have a choice? I stepped up to the edge of the building and looked down; it was a really far distance to fall. As I raised my eyes back to the cheering group of Walkers, I noticed that Shiloh was facing me directly, and I remembered what she had promised me. She would not let me fall.

I kept my eyes trained on Shiloh as I took very determined steps backward. My body felt numb as I moved, almost as though my choice had not yet registered. It would eventually. I was sure of it. The air whipped my hair across my face and roared in my ears. Though, as I stood there, all the trembling and anxiety left me. My body was calling my bluff. My heart did not believe I would go through it, while my head was undecided.

That was when I took off.

From the very moment my feet hit the concrete, I felt the strength course through my veins. It was more than just adrenaline, more than my body’s chemical reaction to stress and fear. The ground pounded beneath my sneakers, and the world around me changed drastically. I was moving faster than ever before. How was that possible? How was any of this possible?

I crossed the halfway mark, and that was when I started to panic.

_What if I don’t make it? What if Shiloh can’t catch me? Charlie and Renee will think I committed suicide! What am I doing? What is wrong with me? I can’t do this! I shouldn’t be up here! I don’t belong here! I don’t … OH MY GOD!_

My foot hit the edge of the roof, and before I could alter my decision, I sailed through the air. I arched through the air, the wind blotting out the tiny, insignificant yelps escaping from my mouth. For a moment, I marveled at the height I had achieved, and I actually started to laugh hysterically. However, as I reached the peak of my altitude, I started to descend rapidly, heading straight for the other building.

I could see the Walkers on the other side, waving their arms and hooting in response to my actions. As I fell toward them, I realized in horror that my trajectory would land me two feet south of the ledge. I panicked and flailed my arms and legs, which put me into a spin. The red concrete of the building closed in, and I could do nothing but scream as I—

My body connected with the concrete with an angry thud, and I rolled a few yards before coming to rest against a wall. I kept my eyes closed, continuously wondering if I was dead or not. There was a burning coming from my arm which hinted toward the former.

“I can’t believe she cleared it!” The familiar voice roused me, and my eyes popped open to find Tobin standing over me. He helped me up, congratulating me. “Good job, Bella!”

I stood up and gazed across the building. I had cleared the gap. Despite my calculations, I was able to make the jump. An overwhelming feeling spread through my chest, and I found I was having trouble breathing. Tears pricked at the corners of my eyes. As Shiloh approached me, I bent over and tried to suck in mouthfuls of air. My body was warring against me, denying me the joy of sustenance.

I felt a weight on my shoulder, and I looked up to find Shiloh. “Calm yourself, Bella. You are safe.”

Her words seeped into my tension, and I felt my body relax. I could breathe again. The flush in my cheeks began to subside, and I stopped shaking.

I stood up straight and squared my shoulders, a grin reaching to both my ears. “I did it.”

“You did,” Shiloh commented, and her eyes twinkled. She reached out her hand and indicated the next building and said, “Again.”

-

* * *

 

-

By the time Shiloh and I descended to the ground floor, I was more than ready to curl up and sleep for a week. I had successfully hopped between a dozen buildings and had come close to falling only once. The accomplishment I felt was unparalleled, and I hoped the feeling would never end. As we crossed the main lobby of the last building I had leaped to, I noticed the time on the clock. It was nearing five-thirty. The days had been getting shorter as we got closer to the winter solstice, which according to the Walkers, was a time for celebration among their kind.

We headed to the Under Passage, so we could head back to my side of town. As we journeyed through the dark, a thought came to me.

“Shiloh?” I called, and she turned to me. “Is it okay if we stop by my school?”

She arched a curious eyebrow.

“I need to get a few things out of my locker,” I explained.

I had left two of my favorite books in my locker at school. Frankly, I wasn’t sure why they were so important, or why I had thought of them for that matter, but that didn’t erase the need to retrieve them. So I was grateful when Shiloh agreed and altered our course. After a few minutes of walking, she opened another sliding door and gestured for me to step through.

We were in another storage closet, but this one was filled with lawn mowers and tools. A step through another door found us outside of my school’s cafeteria. I took a moment to glance around in shock, before I focused on what I had come for.

Shiloh stayed by the doorway as I crossed the courtyard and found my way to the second floor of the main building. Once there, I hurried and opened my locker. For the first time since leaving Pages, I was actually worried about my parents. I wanted to get home quickly. I grew flustered as I fumbled with the lock, but I finally managed to open it.

I grabbed the two books— _Wurthering Heights_ and _Pride & Prejudice_—and shut the door. When I turned around, though, I gasped.

There was a tall, lanky, somewhat familiar boy standing behind me. His eyes were dark as he regarded me, and his lips were pulled in a tight line. He looked upset, angry even. I started to open my mouth, to question if he needed help, but he cut me off.

“Where is Jillian?” His voice was chillingly beautiful, like the first frost of winter in Forks. It iced me to the bone, and I shuddered. “Where is she? I know you were the last one who saw her.”

A knot tightened in my stomach as I stared at him, and a tiny voice spoke in my head. _Lie._

I tried to shrug, but it only came off as a tremble. “I don’t know.”

_Lie better,_ the voice said.

“That’s a lie,” he snapped angrily, his voice echoing down the hallway, and I jumped at its volume. “I saw you two go into the woods. That was the last time anyone saw her. What did you do to her?”

I shook my head quickly and babbled, “I d-didn’t d-do anything. Sh-she l-left me th-there.”

“She what?” His eyebrows dipped forward in anger and confusion.

I grew a bit bolder. “She left me in the forest. We walked for a few minutes, but then she told me we couldn’t be friends, and she left. It took me a while to find my way out again.”

He ground his teeth together and shook his head, his hands tightening into fists. “She wouldn’t do that!”

I felt the cold metal of the lockers against my back, and I anxiously glanced from side to side. However, as he stared at me through heavy lashes, I remembered who he was. Steven. He had been sitting with Jillian when I had started spending lunch with her. She had referred to him as a friend. Was he a vampire? It was hard to determine since his eyes were so dark. He paced back and forth, muttering too fast for me to determine what he was saying. I started shuffling to the side, wondering if I could make it to the courtyard. Or maybe I could call to Shiloh. I wasn’t sure how far her hearing range was, so it was difficult to say. Of course, I briefly entertained the idea of fighting him myself, but I quickly denounced that idea.

A growl cut through the silence, and he turned a fierce look at me. He arched his back and bared his teeth. _Yep. Definitely a vampire._ “I don’t believe you! I’ve seen you with _him_! I know you owe your allegiances to the hunters!”

I opened my mouth, unsure of what I could say, but I was silenced by a set of firm footsteps. My head whipped to the right at the same time as Steven’s, and I sighed in relief. Shiloh was walking steadily in our direction, the fluorescent lights doing strange things to her skin. She looked otherworldly and deadly. More so than usual, anyway.  

Steven backed up as she closed in, and with one last look in my direction, he turned and scampered down the stairs. I watched him disappear, and a sinking feeling invaded my stomach, because now, there was a vampire in Jacksonville who knew I was being protected by the Walkers.

This was not good.

 

 

 

 

 


	21. Chapter Twenty-One

Chapter Twenty-One

Despite the fear I felt over Steven knowing, or at least having some idea of my involvement with the Walkers, Shiloh insisted that there was no need for alarm. She assured me that as soon as fuil aimsir came to a close, the Walkers would waste no time in hunting Steven down and silencing him. Apparently, they had been through something similar before. I hated to be so callous about a life, but I couldn’t wait for him to be a smoldering pile of ash, floating away into oblivion.

I crawled through my window after receiving instructions from Shiloh. Since I had accomplished so much today, I was given leave for the rest of the night. I would be required to report to Pages at nine in the morning the next day. I shut the window and locked it, trying desperately not to remind myself how a little latch would not stop a vampire. Those thoughts would only serve to make me panic.

Rather than hurry straight into a shower, which was what I wanted to do, I chose to make an appearance for my parents. I washed the dirt and grime off my face, threw on some pajamas, and headed out to the living room.

Renee was busy washing dishes when I emerged, and she smiled over her shoulder as I called out to her. “Good to see you up and moving around. I knocked on your door when I got home, but it seemed like you were dead to the world.”

I crossed my arms and smiled, relieved that I had locked my door. “Yeah. I was really tired.”

“Are you hungry?” She moved to the refrigerator. “I could make you something.”

Shaking my head, I said, “I’m not really hungry. I just came out to see who was home. I’m still kind of out of it. I think I’ll go back and rest a bit more.”

Renee nodded. “Okay, honey. Let me know if you change your mind.”

A sense of dread overwhelmed me as I watched her return to her chore. What did Steven’s knowledge mean for my parents? The last thing I wanted was to put them in danger. As I paused and considered all the horrible things that could happen, I started to rethink living with the Walkers.

I headed back to my room, shut the door, and promptly jumped in the shower. The dirt and dried blood were scrubbed off my body, and despite the bruises that were starting to appear, my skin was a healthy pink again. I quickly blow-dried my hair, changed into the jeans and t-shirt I had taken into the bathroom with me, and headed out to my room. When I opened the bathroom door, however, I almost jumped a mile.

Collin was stretched out across my bed, his boots dangling off the edge.

He placed his hands behind his head, offering me a wry smile, and said, “Well, well, well, if it isn’t the little cricket.”

I furrowed my brow and tried to look indignant, but I could hardly contain my laughter. “Cricket?”

“Yes,” he said as he rose, unfolding his long body and crossing his arms over his chest. The black shirt he was wearing conformed to his body, giving him a pleasing shape. “The way you sailed through the air, you looked just like a little cricket.”

He reached forward and patted me on the head, while I pursed my lips in annoyance. The height jokes had really gotten old. _I can’t wait until we’re the same height._ It didn’t escape me that I had just used the word “when” and not “if” in regards to my change, but I decided to push it away. I’d think about it later.

“Have you spoken with Shiloh yet?” I asked nervously, curious if he had any new information on the incident with Steven. Realistically, I knew that not much could happen in the twenty-five minutes I had been apart from her, but there was no harm in asking. The knot in my stomach tightened as I asked, “Does she have any updates?”

He shook his head. “Not as of late. There’s no reason for your concern, Bella. We’ll take care of it.”

I wrapped my arms around myself and took a seat on the edge of my bed. “I’m worried about my parents. What if Steven figures out what I am and he comes here?”

“He wouldn’t get that far,” he answered in a firm, unrelenting voice, and I hung my head. I heard him sigh heavily before he knelt at my feet. “We all know who he is.”

“Really?” I wasn’t sure why I was surprised, but I was. “How do you know him?”

He growled. “Una and I had a run in with him and Jillian around the time you arrived at school.”

I pondered his words for a moment, and I thought back to the first time I had ever seen Una. A police officer had been hauling her out of the office in handcuffs. “Do you mean when Una was carted off by the police?”

I tried not to give him a smug smile when he looked shocked. “How do you know about that?”

I suppressed a laugh. “The assistant principal was showing my mom and me around the school. I saw Una in handcuffs, and her lip was busted open.”

He snickered. “I’m shocked Una has never mentioned that. She had a lot of hostility toward that place, though, so it isn’t really surprising. To answer your question, yes, that is exactly what I’m talking about.”

My curiosity was peaked. “What happened?”

“Una and I were posing as students to keep an eye on the vampire population on campus,” he informed me, running a hand through his hair and leaning against my bedroom wall. “Jillian and Steven were two thorns in our sides. They were picking off students, but we couldn’t figure out how. This was before we discovered an entrance to the Under Passage in the tool shed by the cafeteria. All we knew was that they were pulling people down there outside of _fuil aimsir_ , and it was driving us insane.

“One day, Una was feeling particularly testy about everything. Not only were Jillian and her little pet feeding on the students, they went out of their way to mock us for it. This day in particular, they seemed determined to rub salt in our wounds. We were in the middle of the courtyard, by the cafeteria, when it happened. Jillian walked past us and made a snide comment, and it pushed Una over the edge. She turned around, grabbed Jillian’s hair, and pulled her to the ground.”

My eyes were wide as I listened. “What happened after that?”

He inhaled and exhaled heavily. “Una went feral.”

“Feral?” The look in Collin’s eyes put me on edge. I knew what the word meant, but I didn’t see how that had any bearing on the Walkers. “I don’t understand.”

“If a Walker doesn’t have enough sustenance, and if they are really angry about something,” he explained seriously, “they can temporarily go insane with rage. It doesn’t happen that often, but when it does, it’s messy.”

When I had been ten years old, my mother and I had volunteered at an animal shelter for a few hours. Actually, it was more like I did all the hard work while Renee played with the animals. I digress. In one of the kennels, I had seen a cat that was so angry, there had to have been something wrong with it. Each time I approached the cage, it would scream an ungodly decibel, hiss, and claw in my direction. When I had asked what was wrong with it, I had been told that the cat was feral. I tried to picture the fair-featured Una as that animal, and for some reason, I could easily see it.

“There were teachers on campus, regardless of the fact that it was a weekend,” Collin continued. “The police showed up and Una was carted off. Of course, since the ‘victim’ disappeared, they couldn’t hold her with anything, and they let her go.”

I nodded. “Jillian told me that story. She didn’t say it was her, though.”

He shook his head. “I doubt she would have. After that, she kept her distance. She refused to be within ten feet of us. It was a win-win for us. Una was given the chance to let off some steam, and Jillian finally learned to shut up.”

He finished his story, and I sat there for a moment. It was so strange to hear these details about Jillian. I silently kicked myself again for not realizing she was a vampire from the get-go. As I thought back to my time with her, I started to notice things. She never ate during lunch, she always sat a little too still in class, she was able to finish her in-class assignments in less than five minutes, and I never saw her outside except when it was cloudy. _How could I have been so blind?_

I was concentrating so hard, I didn’t notice when Collin moved away from the wall and crossed the room to me.

He touched my hand softly. “Let’s go somewhere.”

I frowned and gave him a questioning look. “Where?”

He shrugged. “Just somewhere I like to go when I’m feeling down.”

I glanced at my locked door and back at him. The more times I left, the more I ran the risk of Renee or Phil finding out that I was skipping school and sneaking out. How much longer could I push my luck? As I started to make an excuse, he gave me a soft, endearing smile, and I felt my thoughts scramble.

“Okay,” I said absently, and as soon as I realized what I had said, I tried to backpedal. “I mean, as long as it doesn’t take too long.”

He laughed. “Of course not.”

I climbed out the window behind him, taking great care to shut it, and we hurried down the street. Our pace was slightly faster than an Olympic runner, but none of the neighbors stopped to gawk at us. I remembered what Shiloh had said about humans not acknowledging the Walkers because they were not a threat. It was so strange, but sure enough, as we dashed through the neighborhood, no one stopped to stare.

“Penny for your thoughts,” Collin asked while we ran.

I shook my head. He had asked me not to worry, but I couldn’t help myself. “What happens if Steven goes to the vampire lords? Or what if he tells the Volturi? What will you guys do?”

The local group of vampire lords had the ability to run the Walkers out of town, but the Volturi would not hesitate to kill them.

Collin laughed. “He would have to give evidence of his accusations. Since Una destroyed Jillian’s remains, it’s safe to say this Steven character doesn’t have anything to back up his claims. We have had several leeches claim that we broke the rules, but it never pans out. And, as far as we’re concerned, the Volturi believe our kind is extinct. There’s so threat of their presence.”

His words provided no relief, and I wasn’t sure why. Maybe it was because I was a perpetual worrier. I just couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong. What if I was right? What if something happened to my parents, Collin, or one of the others? What if something were to happen to Shiloh? I quickly banished the very thought from my mind. The very thought was banished from my mind. Nothing could happen to her. She was the strongest creature I had ever met. Nothing could bring her down. Right?

Collin glided across the earth before me, and I was momentarily mesmerized by his movements. It seemed like a fallacy to even think I could ever be as graceful as he and the other Walkers. He stopped and pointed up at a large building. It wasn’t as tall as the ones I had jumped today, but it was still pretty high.

“Climb on my back, little cricket,” he said jovially, and he laughed when I glared at him. “Come on, be a good sport.”

I crossed my arms. “After what I accomplished today, do you really think that’s necessary?”

“You’re not ready for this kind of jump yet,” he said. “It’ll be easier and quicker if I carry you.”

I looked up at the building again and groaned. He was right. There was no way I’d be able to get to the top. Unless, of course, I wanted to go into the building and take the stairs, but that would take too long. I caved and shuffled over to Collin, who bent forward so I could wrap my arms around his neck. I frowned at the snickers coming from him, and he thankfully stopped.

“Ready?” He asked, and I gripped on to him tightly, and I confirmed that I was prepared. “All right. Hold on.”

He took three steps forward and erupted off the earth, cutting through the air like a bullet. The wind rushed by my ears, and the speed made my head spin. I turned my head against the current of air, and the hair tie flew out of my hair, which billowed out in uncontrollable waves. I couldn’t tend to it without letting go, so I had to leave it there.

We reached the summit of the building, and Collin let me slide off his back. I stumbled a few feet before resting both my hands on my knees. After taking several deep breaths, I stood up and ran my hands through my hair. It took a few tries, but I was finally able to smooth it down. When I turned around, Collin was fighting back laughter.

“Don’t start with me,” I grumbled and crossed my arms. “I know I look ridiculous.”

He chuckled. “I don’t understand why you don’t simply get rid of it. Your hair has only gotten in your way.”

I reached up and touched my long locks of brown hair.”It’s not that easy.”

“It’s just hair, Bella,” he insisted. “It will grow back.”

He was right, and we both knew it, but that didn’t mean I was ready to run to the salon and chop my hair off. I brushed off his comment, and instead, I started looking around. _Where were we_?

Almost as though he had heard my thoughts, Collin explained, “This place has a great view. I can come here and relax.”

As he spoke, I let my gaze pan across the edge of the building, and I gasped. We were gazing throughout downtown and across the body of water that cut through the city. The sun’s position in the sky made the water glitter and gleam. The salty air blew through me, and I inhaled deeply and closed my eyes. I could feel my anxiety and tension release, and I felt calm.

“See what I mean?” Collin smirked at me when I opened my eyes. He took a seat on the edge and let his boots dangle over the side. “This is where I come to be alone.”

I sat beside him. “It’s a good spot.”

We sat there in silence, reveling in the feeling of the hot sun on our faces and basking in the beauty of the view. Every now and then, I would turn and find him with his eyes shut. I couldn’t help but stare at him.  How could someone seem so otherworldly and human at the same time? As I observed him in his peaceful state, all the unanswered questions in my mind came to me.

“Collin?” I heard him hum an acknowledgement. “Can I ask you a question?”

“You want to ask me about Madelyn, don’t you?” He opened his eyes slowly and turned to me, and I was happy to see that he wasn’t upset. He didn’t look upset, anyway. “It’s all right, Bella. You can ask me anything. I haven’t been very forthcoming with you, when I really should have been.”

I shrugged. “I understand why you weren’t. You’re still grieving for her.”

He returned his attention to the view before us silently, breathing out a heavy sigh. “I didn’t expect to become so close to her. It was so strange. I felt this undeniable connection between her and me. We went everywhere together, did everything together. She could make me laugh when no one else could, and she made my life different. Then she was gone. I’ve never known a loss like that. It’s like a part of me died with her.”

He rose from his feet and started walking along the edge of the roof. After a few steps, he turned back to me. “And then you showed up. I wasn’t sure if you were real or some kind of hallucination. So I bumped into you. I wanted to make sure you were corporeal.”

I let out a breathy laugh and muttered, “I knew it.”

He laughed with me, his lips pulling up to a gloriously sincere smile. “I’m sorry about that. I didn’t expect you to go flying to the concrete.”

“Water under the bridge,” I said, waving my hand at him, although I was mentally fist bumping myself. I knew I had not been at fault. I paused for a second, before asking, “Why were you so hostile to me?”

To his credit, Collin actually looked embarrassed, and he refused to look at me directly. “I was confused, and I was also starving. That’s a bad combination for me. I couldn’t explain why you had Maddie’s face, and that made me mad. I’m very sorry for being such a prick. I’m actually quite charming once you get to know me.”

He flashed me a cheesy smile, and I guffawed. “Charming? I think not. Rix is charming. You are … I’d rather not say.”

He groaned. “You wouldn’t be saying that about Rix if you saw him hunt. He’s vicious. Shiloh had to stop him from tearing apart leeches when he first joined us. He would rip them apart slowly and actually take pleasure in their pain. It was very, _very_ disturbing. Don’t get me wrong, I’m far from considerate when it comes to my meal, but I don’t go _that_ far, and I certainly don’t play with my food.”

I tried to think of Rix, the happy, polite Walker, as a brutal, vicious killer, but I just couldn’t. In fact, as I tried to imagine him hunting, I pictured him with a napkin tucked into his shirt while he took dainty sips of vampire venom. The image made me giggle.

“Either way,” Collin continued. “I will have you know that I can be very charming when I want to be.”

I gave him a smarmy look and said, “Sure, you can.”

“I’m serious!” It was hilarious to see how indignant he became. He crossed his arms over his chest and huffed when I burst into a fit of giggles. “I may not have the Golden Boy routine like Rix, but I have my methods.”

The sight of Collin pouting made me laugh harder, and I struggled to quiet myself. “I’m … sorry … Collin … I’m just … oh god!”

“Go ahead and get it out of your system,” he commented, rolling his eyes and waiting for me to finish. He shook his head as I grabbed my waist and fell over laughing. “It’s good to hear you laugh. You don’t do it enough.”

“Yeah.” I calmed down enough to speak. My cheeks were flushed, and I was out of breath, but I didn’t care. I felt alive. I felt … complete. “It’s been too long.”

He was silent for a beat before he said, “Did something happen back in Washington?”

I shrunk back, and I felt the smile disappear on my own face. “What do you mean?”

“I’m not sure.” Collin shook his head slowly, his eyes busy inspecting my face. “When I first met you, you seemed withdrawn, like you were existing in a glass bubble, if that makes sense. It was almost like you were shell-shocked, but not in the usual way.”

Uncomfortable by the new direction of our conversation, I shrugged. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Fair enough,” he said, raising his hands in submission. “If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine. I just want you to know that we’ve all been there—me, Shiloh, Una, Tobin, Dex, and Rix. We know what it’s like to feel lost, to feel like you don’t fit in anywhere.”

My heart skipped a beat, and my eyes widened a bit. Collin knew very little about me, and yet, he had hit the nail on the head. Even as a child, I had always felt like an outcast in society. I had a hard time making friends, and the concept of a social life never really appealed to me—until I met the Cullens, that is. Did it all boil down to my heritage? Shiloh had said that receptors were drawn to the supernatural. Was that why I was so consumed with Edward and Alice? Was that why I went to Forks? Had the Cullens inadvertently led me there?

Collin bowed his head. “I’m sorry if I offended you.”

I shook my head. “You didn’t. You just defined an issue that I’ve had ever since I was little. I’ve never felt like I’ve truly belonged anywhere … but when I’m with you, that changes.”

My cheeks warmed up, embarrassment over my revelation flooding every part of my body.

He smiled softly. “I’m honored to hear you say that.”

Everything I had said to him was the truth, but I wondered if he knew what I was really telling him. It wasn’t just the Walkers that made me feel like I belonged; it was Collin. There was something about him that made me feel complete. When I was with Shiloh or the others, I was constantly worrying that I would upset or embarrass them. This sense of belonging was strongest when I was around Collin.

“So, Cricket,” he said in a chipper tone, and he rubbed his hands together. “What should we do now?”

I was pensive for a while, trying to come up with something. My mind was a jumble of emotions, though, and it was difficult to focus on one aspect. After spending so much time around Shiloh and the Walkers, everything that I had thought I knew had been turned upside down. Everything I thought I had felt had been proven to be wrong.

“Are you okay?” His brow furrowed. “You look upset.”

“Why did you decide to join Shiloh?” I spat out the question before it had a chance to hide behind my embarrassment and self-consciousness. To be honest, I wasn’t even sure where it came from. It was as though the question had materialized out of nothing, but I couldn’t find it in me to regret asking.

Collin looked pleased. “She gave me something that I had never known—structure, a sense of belonging, trust, and so much more.”

I fiddled with my fingers, looking up at him through my eyelashes. “But, what made you decide to give up your human life and join her?”

“Everything you see before you, I owe to Shiloh. She saved me in ways I never thought possible.” He lowered his eyes, and his lips pulled up into a faraway smile. “The day I decided to join her was the day I realized that I would die for her, and she for me. She is my family, my blood, my greatest friend, and the best ally I have ever known. If I can save her by living or dying, I will.”

I sat there in silence as he recounted many of his and Shiloh’s early escapades, but I was hardly paying attention. Instead, I found myself pondering whether or not I could be as giving. While I had been ready to give up everything for Edward and the Cullens, I found myself hesitating for the Walkers. Why was that? Shiloh had saved my life on multiple occasions, and what had I done for her? I had asked for multiple exceptions during my training.

As I reached up and tucked an errant strand of hair behind my ear, I felt my resolve solidify.

-

* * *

 

-

“Are you sure about this?” Collin looked at me warily as I stalked around the side of my house. I couldn’t understand his reticence. This had been his idea from the very beginning. Why was he going soft on me? “I don’t want to force you to do anything, Bella.”

I spun around, laughing. “This was my idea.”

“An idea that you never would have considered had it not been for me,” he pointed out. “I don’t want you to do something that you’ll regret later on.”

I shrugged and continued walking. “It’s just hair, Collin. It’ll grow back.”

Somewhere during Collin’s story about joining Shiloh, I had made the decision to cut my hair off. Of course, the moment I had suggested it to him, he started backpedaling. He claimed that he didn’t want to bully me into doing something that I wasn’t comfortable with. I finally decided to ignore him and head home. If need be, I would cut my own hair.

“That’s true,” he replied as I scrambled through my window, and he watched me, his elbows propped up on my window sill, while I tore through my desk. “However, it takes a long time.”

I pulled the scissors out from the bottom drawer and turned back to him with a huff. “Are you going to help me, or are you going to keep trying to change my mind?”

He easily slipped in the window. “I just want you to think about what you’re doing.”

My nostrils flared as I connected the dots between now and Forks. I marched up to Collin and pointed a finger in his face. “This is my decision, Collin, not yours. If you aren’t going to support me, then you can leave.”

He sighed and hung his head, before smiling brightly at me. “If you’ve thought this over, and it’s what you really want, then give me those.”

I handed the scissors to him, and he instructed me to turn around. As I felt the sharp, metal blades graze the back of my head, I took a deep breath and shut my eyes.

_Snip. Snip._

I was really doing it.

_Snip. Snip._

It was happening.

_Snip. Snip._

No turning back.

_Snip. Snip._

This was what I wanted.

I was afraid that the moment I heard the snips, and felt the hair falling, I would panic and back out. However, with each cut the scissors made, I felt myself growing bolder. My fingers began to tap against my sides impatiently, and I anxiously listened for any sign that he had finished. How hard could it be? Just cut off all the long parts, right? I didn’t think of the fact that I had excessively thick hair.

After what felt like an hour, but was realistically only about five minutes, I heard Collin sigh and drop the scissors on my desk. I didn’t wait for him to say anything; I sprinted into my bathroom and gasped when I looked in the mirror.

The person staring back at me wasn’t me; she couldn’t be. I stared at the angular, fierce-looking creature in the mirror, willing myself to make sense of it, to understand how my features could have changed so much. As Collin stepped in the bathroom and stood behind me, I compared our features skeptically. With the exception of the hair, we looked as though we could have been related.

“I look …” I wasn’t sure how to finish that phrase.

Collin took pity on me and finished it for me. “You look like one of us.”

His words hit me like a ton of bricks, and I fought to control my emotions. _One of us._ How many times over the summer had I heard Rosalie tell Edward that I was not “one of” them? It had struck me down emotionally each time, regardless of Edward’s reassurances that she was just jealous of my humanity and nothing more. Collin, on the other hand, had never said anything of the sort. His words had only been reassuring and filled with confidence.

I turned and looked up at him. “Do you think I could be … one of you?”

He frowned and then started chuckling. “If I did not think you had it in you, then I would not be here.”

My heart flourished, and I felt my cheeks flush at the close contact of our bodies. I could feel his heat radiating out toward me.

“Does it hurt?” I asked, and he cocked his head to the side in confusion. “The change?”

Understanding lit in his eyes, and he nodded. “Yes.”

“What’s the worst part of it?” I implored, and he lowered his eyes.

“The bone breaking,” he answered truthfully, and I cringed in response. In order for a receptor to be successfully changed, their bones had to be broken. This allowed them to rapidly calcify and elongate without tearing through the skin. “You try to forget it, but it’s almost impossible. That kind of pain never leaves you.”

He ran his left hand over his right wrist, a forlorn look on his face, and as I continued to observe him, he started to look pained. I panicked at the site of his displeasure, and without considering what I was doing, or whether it was a good idea, I reached forward and cupped his hand in mine. His skin felt so deliciously warm and smooth. It was so different than Edward’s, in more than just temperature.

I was so fascinated by how Collin’s skin felt, I hadn’t realized just what I was doing. All at once, my wits came screaming back to me, and I froze. My fingers stilled on his forearm and then trailed up his body, landing on his face. He didn’t look angry or upset; he looked surprised and a bit startled.

I tried to step away from him, but the sink cut off my departure. Thinking on my feet, I tried to slip past him and escape to my bedroom, but as I made my attempt, his hand shot out and caught my wrist. I gasped at the sudden contact and glanced up at him. Had I offended him? Overstepped my bounds? What would he do? His touch was rough, but it was firm.

His eyes flickered with something I had never seen in him before, and he opened his mouth but nothing came out. We stood there for a few seconds, staring at one another, each of us daring the other to make a move. His right hand snaked its way around my waist, and he pulled me, ever so slightly, against him. His body felt like steel, molten steel. I sucked in mouthfuls of air, trying to prevent myself from fainting.

Finally, as I considered pulling away from him, his left hand came up and traced my chin slowly. The sensation of someone—other than myself and family—touching my face was exhilarating and terrifying at the same time. His fingers cupped the curvature of my face, and I instinctively pressed against his palm. While his breathing was careful and controlled, I was finding it difficult to keep myself from panting.

His fingers urged my chin up, opening my lips up to him, and I gasped silently when he started to close the distance between us. Was he really going to—

An awareness creeped through me, a feeling of being watched, and as I opened my eyes and glanced into my bedroom, I gasped. Standing less than five feet away was Shiloh, and she didn’t look happy. All at once, Collin released me and stepped away from me, closer to the bathtub. His gaze was dark and lidded, but it was solely focused on his ceannaire.

“Collin,” Shiloh said firmly, and I noticed Collin’s body had gone rigid. “You will come with me.”

He said nothing to either of us. He glided out of the bathroom and exited through the bedroom window. I felt the absence of him immediately, and it filled me with even more confusion than before.

Before she followed him, Shiloh turned to me. I knew she was assessing my new appearance. “You cut your hair.”

“Yes,” I answered bashfully. “It was in my way.”

She nodded, still retaining her apathetic expression. “It should help you greatly.”

“I hope so.” I stood there, and she started toward the window. “Shiloh, wait.” She stopped. “Did he do something wrong?”

She didn’t look at me, and she didn’t answer me. She merely exited the window and left me standing there.

I wasn’t alone for long, though.

“Well that could have gone better.” Una poked her head in my window, the sunlight dancing playfully off her golden head. “Nice hair.”

“Thanks,” I muttered. “I don’t understand. What did he do?”

“He did not ask Shiloh’s permission to spend time with you,” she answered simply.

I shook my head. “What about you?”

“Two reasons,” she said, holding up two fingers. “One, because I am already another Walkers’ leannán, and two, Shiloh has given me leave to be around you.”

“Why would she do that?” I curled my lip as I asked the question. It wasn’t that I detested Una’s company—after we had spent time together earlier in the morning, I had grown to like her a bit more—it just seemed like Collin would be the natural choice. He was the one who had discovered that I was a receptor. He had been the one to protect me during _fuil aimsir._ What was different about this?

“Your guess is as good as mine,” Una answered with a shrug. “As for my brother, Shiloh has seen the way he looks at you, and she will not let him distract you. Things will certainly change once you are changed. That is, if you choose to be changed. Now, would you care to share what happened?”

I flushed. I was not one to kiss and tell. “We were just … I mean … I was just… um …”

Una raised her eyebrows. “I meant what happened with your hair? Why did you decide to cut it?”

“I don’t know,” I muttered and took a seat beside her. “I mean, I knew at the time, but now, I can’t remember.”

She murmured something that sounded remarkably similar to, “Humans.”

I frowned but kept silent.

“So did she catch you with your pants down?” Una’s candor rendered me speechless, and my face flushed bright red as I attempted to babble my response. “I’ll take that as a ‘yes’.”

I shook my head. “No! It was nothing like that. We were just … I don’t know, going to kiss, I guess, and then she appeared.”

Una nodded. “Did you want to kiss him?”

My head fell into my hands, and I shook my head. “I don’t know! I’m so confused.”

There was a side of me that was screaming for me to keep my distance from Collin, that he would only hurt me like Edward had. However, there was another side of me that suggested he was good for me. We were two of a kind, after all. Receptors. Which was right?

My fingers slid away from my face, and I turned to Una. Her face was a blank slate.

“Any advice?” I asked.

She shrugged. “Make sure this is something that you want. Otherwise, you run the risk of making life extremely awkward for yourself, as well as for the rest of us.”

But what exactly was “this?” Was she talking about pursuing Collin? Romantically? No. I couldn’t do that. Could I? Should I? Although I had spent a lot of time with him, and we had talked a lot, I knew absolutely nothing about him. We were essentially strangers. I still didn’t know if he had reacted the way he had moments earlier because he had feelings for me, or because I looked like someone from his past.

Una left me for the night, and I spent the rest of the evening trying to relax. It was almost impossible, though. Each and every thought was about Collin. He had filled all my senses, and I found that I could not function when I remembered the way he had held me to him.

I realized around midnight that I would have to sleep eventually, and instead of trying to fall asleep on my own, I retrieved some sleep aides that Renee had bought. After taking two with a glass of water and setting my alarm clock for the morning, I climbed into bed and shut off the lights.

 


	22. Chapter Twenty Two

Chapter Twenty-Two

The days swept by in a blur of training, near death experiences, and endless worries. Each day brought a new fear that Steven would find a way of proving that Collin had broken fuil aimsir, or that he would show up at my house and kill my parents. I had taken to spending more and more time away from Renee and Phil in an attempt to prevent such an outcome, but it did little to curb my nerves. I knew I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I was responsible for their deaths. While I looked out over the horizon from where I stood, imagining all the terrible things that could befall my parents, I resolved myself to prevent them.

“Again.” Shiloh’s voice roused me from my panic-induced delirium, and I was able to clear my mind a bit. Unfortunately, I had not been fast enough, and she had noticed my poor concentration. “Distraction is not an ideal variable for this task.”

I cringed, and my cheeks flamed while I tried to compose myself. “I’m sorry, Shiloh. I’ll get it together.”

She frowned and narrowed her eyes, but it was not entirely unkind. “What is troubling you?”

“It’s nothing,” I answered with a shake of my head, but I relented when she continued to stare at me with her skeptical expression. My hands dug into my pockets, and I took a deep breath before my word vomit came tumbling out. “I’m worried about my parents. If Steven decides to attack them, they have no means of protection. I’d never forgive myself if they died because of me.”

“This is why severance is necessary in our life,” she responded in a cold, emotionless voice. I lowered my eyes. When she spoke again, her tone was significantly softer. “I do not believe Steven will attempt such an act.”

“Why not?” I lifted my head, eager.

“It is no secret that we avenge those taken from us,” she answered, and although her tone was still somewhat amiable, there was a sharpness to her message. “The leeches are aware that they vastly outnumber us. They know where it is we reside, and yet, they make no attempt to invade our home. Why do you believe that is, Bella?”

I pursed my lips and considered her question. I could not see why the vampires, knowing they outnumbers the Walkers, would let them live. “I don’t know.”

“Fear,” Shiloh explained. “They fear not what is before them, but what they cannot see. The unknown is always more terrifying than the known.”

Shiloh’s words were confusing, and yet, they made perfect sense. However, my worries were not assuaged. If anything, she had just described how I was feeling. “I just can’t stop wondering if I’m going to go home one day and find them dead.”

I briefly considered how Rosalie and Esme had kept Charlie safe when I had fled to Phoenix. Shiloh had told me once that familial connections were relatively important, but in a different way. It starkly contrasted with her request that I cut my parents out of my life. I couldn’t ask her to protect Renee and Phil. It wouldn’t be appropriate, would it? No. It wouldn’t.

“There is nothing I can say that will alleviate your concern.” Her words hit me like a cold slab of marble, and I actually caught myself wincing from the emotional sting. “The only assurance I can offer is that Collin and Riklin are hunting him as I speak.”

A bit of hope sparked to life, snuffing out the darkness of my mood. I nodded in acceptance. Collin and Rix were both skilled hunters. If Steven was within the city confines, they would certainly find him. With my fear momentarily quelled, I focused on the line of buildings before me. My task was to consecutively hop to each of their roofs as fast as I could. So far, my time had not been sufficient. Truth be told, I was happy for the distraction from my ceaseless worrying. It was a relief to relinquish my fears and have my actions dictated by another party. Was that how the others felt?

There was no more talk of Steven, my parents, or Collin and Rix, because Shiloh worked me nonstop for the next eight hours. I leaped from great heights, climbed tall buildings, and sped through downtown at unthinkable speeds. I felt like Superman, without all the flying and shooting lasers out of my eyes. When I finally crawled home—and I mean that almost literally—I threw myself on the bed and shut my eyes.

My sleep was not disturbed by any dreams. I was carried away on a black cloud, drifting through a dark sea of nothingness. Instead of fighting away images of Edward or Alice, I breathed a heavy sigh of relief and relaxed.

Hours later, my eyes timidly opened, and I stretched both my arms out above my head. As my eyelids lifted further, I found Shiloh standing at the foot of my bed. I jumped a bit, especially since the moonlight coming through my window made her skin appear to be glowing.

 “Good…” I glanced at the clock and noticed that it was three am, “…morning?”

She eyed me fiercely. “Rise.”

I groaned and lifted myself off the confines of my warm, plush bed. It was strange that, with all the intense training and activities I had been participating in recently, I was hardly sore. After the incident in the Under Passage, I had feared that I would never walk again. However, the more I had trained with Collin, the less pain I endured. Now, I felt carefree and well rested. My eyes were a little heavy, but other than that, I felt fine.

“We are starting earlier than usual,” Shiloh informed me, and I fought the urge to make a sarcastic retort. Perhaps I wasn’t as awake as I thought I was. Or maybe I was dreaming. “You will be training with Tobin and Riklin.”

_Rix? Is he back? Did they catch Steven?_

Almost as though she heard my thoughts, Shiloh shook her head. “Una will be accompanying Collin in the search for Steven.”

“Oh,” was all I could think to say. “Okay.”

I had not spoken to Shiloh about what had occurred with Collin in my bathroom, and I got the distinct impression that she was never going to bring it up, for which I was somewhat grateful. The entire situation was strange and confusing; factor in Shiloh’s reaction to finding us together, and it was an entire convoluted mess. The very thought of our situation made me crazy with indecision. So I thought it best I just not think of it.

I glanced out the window, noticing no sign of daylight. “So, what are we doing today?”

Her lips twitched slightly, almost as though a smile was struggling to be seen, but she subdued it. “Today, you will be learning our ways of combat.”

My eyebrows shot up on my forehead, and I looked at her warily. “You’re teaching me how to fight?”

Before confronting a bloodthirsty vampire in Phoenix, I had been in a grand total of two fights. The first had been when I was two years old. The neighbor’s kid had stolen my Legos, and according to Renee, I had given him a piece of my mind. I could hardly remember it, but I still counted it. The second had occurred when I was in middle school. There had been bully who insisted on being stereotypical and had stolen my lunch money repeatedly. One day, I had refused, and she had pushed me against a wall. I hadn’t meant to punch her, but when she grabbed my backpack and spun me around, my right hand had flown out and caught her nose. I grimaced as I recalled the blood that had spurted from her nose, as well as the bruise that had dominated her face for the next week or so.

She never bothered me again, though.

 “I am.” Shiloh cocked her head slightly. “You look displeased.”

“No. Not displeased. Sorry. I was thinking of something else.” I shook my head and bit my lip. “I’m just not very coordinated. I’ll probably fall. A lot.”

She was unmoving, unblinking. “Then we will catch you.”

-

* * *

 

-

_Twist, dodge, punch, kick, and—damn it!_

My body went flying through the air, and the world spun across my vision in a mess of brown, blue, and green as I crashed to the dirt.   Despite my attempts to center my mind, I rolled across the earth and eventually came to rest at the base of a large tree. I coughed and sputtered, but I tried not to believe that I was coughing up blood. As I stood up, shaking the excess dirt and grime off my clothes, I grumbled at the injury my pride had just sustained.

“You must never lose focus,” Shiloh instructed from the side of our sparring grounds. She had brought me to a clearing close to the Walkers’ home. It was surrounded by tall, slender trees with tightly packed branches. It reminded me of Forks. “Never rely on your strength alone. It will fail you. The true essence of defense lies on your reactions and reflexes.”

“That wasn’t bad, Bella,” Tobin remarked kindly, although I could tell he was just being nice. I was a terrible fighter. When he had first started instructing the basic moves, we had both grown a little frustrated with my lack of finesse. “Just remember to trust your instincts.”

“I’m trying,” I responded tersely and took my position opposite him. In an attempt to cheer myself up, I dashed toward Tobin and skidded to a stop, sending a shower of dirt and debris raining down on my opponent. It earned me a smirk from him. “It’s just a lot to take in.”

“We understand,” Rix called from the sidelines, and I turned to find him smiling apologetically toward me. “You will not be expected to participate in battle until you are fully ready.”

I pouted. _I want to be ready now. Why can’t fighting come as easily to me as jumping rooftops did?_ “Let’s try it again,” I insisted.

Tobin seemed hesitant to meet my demand. I suppose it was understandable. In the past couple of hours, he had come close to breaking my legs, arms, as well as sending me flying through the air for almost a mile. Thank goodness Rix had been there to catch me. The only way I would improve would be if I continued to practice. His hesitance only served to annoy me.

He rushed forward at a slower pace—he had to reduce his speed or else he would crush me—and right as we were about to collide, I took a step to the left and swept my right foot out. He stumbled forward, and I was on him.

I brought my teeth close to his neck and hissed. “Do you yield?”

“Yield?” He stood up abruptly, and I was thrown backward. “Never.”

As I stared up at him from the ground, Shiloh moved between us. She pulled a long strip of fabric from her back pocket, a scarf, and she leaned down. Without informing me what was happening, she tied it around my eyes tightly.

_Is she insane?_

“What’s happening?” I touched the fabric covering my eyes before making an attempt to untie it, but Shiloh stopped me.

“There may come a time when you are not afforded the luxury of sight.” Her voice resonated strong and fierce. “You must learn to fight without it. Now tell me, what do you hear?”

I wasn’t entirely convinced that this was appropriate, especially given my tendency to fall on my face. However, I had promised that I would trust Shiloh and be open to anything. So I took a deep breath and placed my focus on what I could hear. The familiar sounds of the surrounding trees came to me, but there was something different. The wind was breaking around something … something to my right.

Without stopping to consider what I was doing, I lunged to my right and caught a large … something. Instinctively, I brought my knee up, feeling it crash into a firm body, and pain shot up my leg.

“ _Dagda_!!” I heard Tobin cry out. “Warn me next time!”

“Very good, Bella,” Shiloh commented from somewhere in the distance, and I felt the large figure dislodge from my grip. “Now, again.”

My lips were a tight line, and once again, I listened to the sounds around me. I was determined to conquer this feat. I refused to be the weak link. As all the noises came to me, one stood out. A steady thudding against the earth caught my attention. Something was moving in the brush. I whirled around in time to catch a heavy object heading straight for me.

I snarled and grasped my assailant’s arms before winding my arm back and punching. He hissed and bounded away. I could hear the moment he ricocheted off a tree trunk—the thud and splintering sound was easy to detect. We collided midair, my arms forming a tight cage around his midsection, and his hands tightened around my neck. I felt the strength coursing through my veins, and I easily broke his hold on me.

I flipped backward, preparing for another attack, when I was attacked by two forces coming from opposite directions. My feet were swept out from under me, and I was pinned to the ground. I wriggled and kicked, wanting to continue the battle I had started. The blindfold was ripped away, and I realized that I was staring directly up at Tobin and Rix. They looked panicked.

I glanced over to where Shiloh was standing. She looked somewhat upset. At least, I think she did. Tobin had pulled off my blindfold, but she had not given me leave to stop fighting. _She has not told you to stop, so why are you?_ With that in mind, I used both my hands and shoved him off me. He flew back a few feet before falling to the ground with a loud, painful thud.

I knew better than to think a simple fall like that would actually injure Tobin, but I was almost certain he was relatively upset. He proved me right when he stood up and released a slew of curses.

“What the hell was that?” He stalked over to me, but my body was still coiled in attack position. “What is this?”

Embarrassment washed over me as I took in his and Rix’s body language and expressions. Had I not done the right thing? “Shiloh didn’t say to stop.”

Both of their jaws slackened, and they raised their eyebrows in disbelief, but it was Shiloh’s reaction that was the most shocking. She approached calmly and quietly, and right as she was about to pass Tobin and Rix, she swung her right leg out and kicked Tobin across his face. Before he had a chance to react, Shiloh had righted herself and kneed Rix in the stomach. The entire assault had taken less than three seconds.

Shiloh moved beside me and turned back to the groaning figures on the ground. “Never lose focus.”

She wasn’t speaking to me, and that fact made me swell with pride. “What did they do wrong?”

“They ignored a possible assailant,” she answered, turning to me. “Even a friend can become an enemy.”

I nodded, knowing exactly what she meant by that, and followed her as she walked away from the Tobin and Rix. Thankfully they had quickly recovered and were standing, slightly cowed by their experience. I smiled apologetically, and they both gave me thumbs up. Shiloh and I walked alone for a few minutes, neither of us saying anything. As the clearing disappeared into the distance, I worried that she was going to leave me alone in the woods again. Somehow I was sure Una wouldn’t be around to help me find my way again.

“You have questions for me,” Shiloh spoke suddenly. “Yet, you remain silent.”

Her statement caught me off guard, and I lowered my head. “I don’t want you to get mad.”

She made a sound that was very reminiscent of a scoff. “Do not insult me by presuming I would react in such a way. If there is something weighing on your mind, I would have you speak. Nothing you could say could possibly affect me in such a way as to render me angry.”

I stared at my feet, a tremor overtaking me. “I was … I don’t know … wondering about Collin.”

She nodded. “You are curious as to my reactions earlier.”

“Yes.” I breathed slowly, preparing myself for what she was going to say. “I want to know why he has to ask your permission to spend time with me. Una told me it’s because you’ve seen the way he looks at me, but I don’t think that’s a problem. I’m … well, I’m not sure if I feel that way and—“

She stopped and turned to me, her features hard and unrelenting. “I do not trust you.”

A metaphorical door slammed in my face, and I felt my stomach knot instantly. Shiloh didn’t trust me? It wasn’t unthinkable; after all, she knew nothing about me. Still, her words felt like a million sharp needles burrowing deep within my soul. If she didn’t trust me, then why was she training me?

“I see something in you, Bella. It’s a strength that is admirable and has great potential,” she continued. “Regardless, you have blatantly secluded yourself. You expect me and the others to open up to you about anything and everything, and yet, you do not afford us the same. You take, but you do not give. I have not patience for a person of such selfish qualities.”

I felt the word vomit preparing to break through, and I knew it would be a slew of apologies and empty promises, but I was wrong. “What else can I do? I was dragged into this, Shiloh. I didn’t ask to be a receptor, nor did I fully give Collin the okay to start putting me in dangerous positions. I don’t know if this is what I want. You gave me that option! You said I could leave if I wanted to, and now you’re making me feel guilty for it? I’m sorry, but what kind of crock is that? Why can’t anyone just let me make my own decisions? Why does everyone have to force me into something? If I want to be one of you, it isn’t going to be because I was bullied into it! So please, stop!”

My heart was beating in my chest, and I was gasping for breath. I couldn’t believe that I had actually said that to her. Did I have a death wish? Thankfully, Shiloh did not look angry.

With a nod, she asked, “How do you feel?”

I shrugged. “Angry, ticked off, and yet, relieved.”

She nodded. “It is always a relief to be honest. You have too much weight on your shoulders. I can see it.”

“That makes two of us,” I muttered, but she ignored my comment.

“I want you to tell me what is on your mind.” Shiloh was stoic as she addressed me. “What is your deepest fear? Is there an aspect of our lives that you find unwelcoming? Anything. Open up to me.”

I was surprised when I didn’t hesitate. “I don’t understand why everyone has to ask your permission for everything. It seems as though none of the others can have any fun unless you ordain it.”

Her eyebrows rose, and she nodded in approval. “That is a fair question. We are in a precarious situation. As of late, the lords have been searching for any reason to eradicate us. I have been forced to tighten the reins on those who serve me. In addition, I do not fully trust you.”

“Why?” I implored, although I already knew the answer. I had given her no reason to trust me. After all Shiloh had done for me, saving my life and going out of her way to make sure I was taken care of, I had continued to be closed off. I knew that this was going to come out eventually. Why was I keeping everything that happened in Forks a secret? “Is it just because I won’t open up?”

Shiloh was unmoved. “We are a unit, a well-oiled machine. There is no room in our chain for a weak link.”

I sighed heavily. “And, you think I might be a weak link.”

“It is difficult to tell.” Shiloh shook her head. “You have kept yourself so closed off, I cannot read you. It is that lack of knowledge that makes me wary of you.”

I chuckled softly. “You fear what you cannot know.”

A tiniest smirk appeared. “Essentially.”

“I guess we’re in the same boat,” I muttered. We stood there in silence. “Can I ask you something?”

She said nothing, merely nodded.

“Do you think I can do it?” I asked timidly. “Become like you, I mean.”

Shiloh’s features hardened. “Undoubtedly.”

-

 

* * *

 

By the end of my training session, I had a general idea of the Walkers’ fighting style. Tobin and Rix had given me a demonstration, and I was enchanted by how beautiful it was. It was as though they floated above the ground and danced through the air. They informed me that it wasn’t used that often, since they had no reason for formal combat, but they still practiced. It was a great way to relieve stress.

Shiloh walked me home, and in an attempt to partially earn her trust, I opened up a little about what had happened in Forks. However, each time I opened my mouth to explain the intricacies of life in Washington and the vampires, my voice failed me. Why did I still have this innate sense of allegiance and obligation to the Cullens?

I climbed back through my window around seven in the morning, and Shiloh reminded me that she would be back in eight hours. My bed looked comfortable, but I was too alert to do anything. In addition, it was almost time for me to fake going to school again. I had effectively established a pattern. I would walk to the bus stop, get on the bus, ride a mile or two, and then get off and speed back home. It had worked thus far.

I took a quick shower and dressed in a t-shirt, jeans, and sneakers, before starting to pack my backpack. The sight of my textbooks momentarily startled me, but I quickly assuaged the worries. If I chose not to join the Walkers, I was a good student and would have no problem bouncing back from a few months of subpar performance. Then again, maybe I could get Dex to alter my grades. I cringed, feeling a bit taboo about the whole thing and quickly wrote it off as ridiculous.

While I needlessly piled books and a spiral notebook in my backpack, I thought back to what Shiloh had said. The idea that she didn’t trust me sat like a stone in my stomach. I tried to understand her perspective, but it was impossible. I wasn’t sure there was anyone alive that could understand her perspective. She was unlike anyone I had ever met. Still, this need for her to trust me irritated me. Why should I care whether she trusted me? I was still unconvinced the entire thing was something I really wanted to be a part of.

There was a knock at my bedroom door.

“Bella? Are you up?” Phil’s voice came through the door. That was strange. Usually it was Renee who roused me.

“Yeah,” I called.

“Breakfast is ready,” he reminded me, and I heard his footsteps trail down the hallway.

I closed my backpack and gazed in the mirror. My parents had not seen my new look yet, and I was worried about their reactions. Seeing how I had been present for Renee’s many hairstyle changes throughout the years, I hoped for a favorable outcome. Given my mom’s recent hypocritical streak, however, I wasn’t holding my breath.

I took a deep breath and headed out to the kitchen. Renee was nowhere to be seen, but there was a plate of food on the table and the front door was open. She had probably gone out to get the mail or something. Phil was at the table, a newspaper blocking his view of me.

When I took a seat in front of him, and he still had not dropped his paper, I cleared my throat. _Might as well get this over with._

Phil dropped his paper, and he gasped when he saw me. “Bella? What did you do to your hair?”

I shrugged. “I cut it.”

“I can see that.” His brow indented heavily. “What made you do that?”

“It’s … really hot,” I commented slowly, and as the wheels in my brain continued to work, I added, “I also needed a change.”

He took a moment to inspect my hair, leaning forward and cocking his head from side to side. Finally, he heaved a heavy sigh and said, “Well, it’s your hair, Bella. If you’re happy with it, then that’s all that matters.”

I smiled a little. “Thanks.”

He laughed. “Just wait ‘til your mother sees it.”

I joined his in his revelry. “I figured she wouldn’t think it’s too bad. You weren’t around for the Renee of Many Colors.”

“I’ve seen pictures.” He winced, and we both burst into a fit of giggles.

Suddenly the front door opened and closed, and all sense of laughter and frivolity went out the window. Phil rose his eyebrows, silently saying, “Prepare yourself,” and he buried himself in the paper. I knew the moment Renee entered the kitchen because her gasp practically rebounded against all the walls. I turned slowly and found her staring at me, a slack jawed expression on her face.

“Good morning, Mom,” I said cautiously.

“Your … hair.” She just stared at me. Eyes wide. “Bella, Why?”

I stood up and ran a hand through my short hair. “I needed a change.”

She blinked once. Twice. After the third time, a hesitant smile spread across her face. “It’s certainly … um … different. Do you like it?”

“Yeah. I do,” I answered honestly.

“Well, I guess that’s all that matters,” Renee said slowly, narrowing her eyes slightly. “It’s a cute hairstyle, Bella. It’s just … different.”

“Different in a bad way?” I felt my stomach tighten into a knot.

“No,” she replied slowly, her eyes glued to my hair. As the moments passed, she refocused on my face and her smile warmed. “It looks great, Bella. Really.”

She turned to place the mail on the counter, and I used that opportunity to widen my eyes and exhale slowly. _That went better than expected._  As I turned back to the table, and the breakfast that was calling out to me, Renee’s voice stopped me.

“Oh! Bella!” She smiled. “I almost forgot to tell you! I ran into a friend of yours out front. Such a nice boy! He wanted me to give you a message.”

I turned to face her, the look of terror frozen on my face. “Who?”

She laughed. “Come to think of it, he didn’t give me his name. He just said that he knows you through a mutual acquaintance at school. It was a girl. Her name starts with a J. Jillian! That’s it. Here, he wanted me to give you this.”

Time slowed down as I reached out, gripped the tiny piece of folded notebook paper, which looked as though it was torn from a spiral, and opened it. The moment my eyes fell on the words, all sense of oxygen left my lungs and I gasped for air. The room began to spin, and as my parents asked if I was okay, I collapsed to the floor.

 

 


	23. Chapter Twenty-Three

Chapter Twenty Three

I didn’t faint—not really, anyway. My vision spun, and I felt sick, dizzy, and claustrophobic at the same time.  Instead of falling to the floor, I moved to the right and collapsed into the chair with the weight of all my choices nearly crushing me. I heard the chair legs screech and groan against the floor, but I didn’t care. My eyes were locked on the note in my hand.

_I know what you did._

Never before had five, simple words filled me with so much dread and anguish. All my fears were slowly coming to fruition, and I felt helpless in my attempts to prevent them. Not only did someone—I was pretty confident that it was Steven—know that Collin had broken fuil aimsir, they knew where my parents lived. I shuddered in horror, realizing that Steven could have killed my mother right then and there. I wasn’t sure if the fact that she had been spared made me feel relieved or even more frightened.

“Are you all right, Bella?” Renee touched my shoulder, and I quickly closed my fingers around the note. There would be no way to adequately explain the note, so I wouldn’t.

“I’m fine,” I said robotically, my eyes still focused on the paper trapped in my fist. The quizzical look in my mother’s eyes did not diminish, though, and I knew what I had to do. I had to lie. I had to lie well. “I know who it was that gave you this. I … uh … forgot that I have a project due today. I need to get to school and see if I can get an extension.”

“Oh. All right. Do you need me to drive you?” Renee sat beside me and rested her palm on my shoulder.  “I have an early day at the elementary school anyway. If it’s important, you should get there as soon as possible.”

“Yeah,” I said slowly, still operating in a fog of disbelief and fear. “That sounds perfect. Can we leave right now?”

She and Phil shared a look of concern.

Renee pointed to my plate. “What about your breakfast?”

My lips tightened into a line as I struggled to maintain my reasonable demeanor. “I can eat at school.”

“Come on, Bella,” Phil interjected, motioning to me with his mug of coffee. “You’re a great student. I’m sure your teacher will help you even if you’re ten minutes late.”

Had I actually been telling the truth and not lying to keep them from finding out about the supernatural underbelly of Jacksonville, he would have been right. If, instead of spending copious amounts of time training to be a Walker, I had been dedicating my time and energy to school and my educational future, this would not have been a problem.

Unfortunately, it was a problem. It was a big problem.

“It’s really not a big deal,” I insisted, glancing toward the front door nervously. Was Steven still outside? Was he waiting for me? Would he accost my mother and me should we try to leave? “The food there isn’t bad.”

“Well, I need my breakfast,” Renee replied with a huff. She reached across the table, grabbed my plate and started devouring the eggs, bacon, and biscuits that had been meant for me.

She and Phil started chatting idly, and I slipped away to the living room to think. _What do I do?_ In the past few weeks, at least one of the Walkers was perched outside my house. Steven’s presence, however, told me that Collin and the others were nowhere close. I paced back and forth, my hands massaging my temples, but I stopped as a thought came to me.

Sitting next to the television was my parents’ landline telephone, and nestled next to it was the phone book. I flipped through the wispy pages, found the number I needed, and proceeded to punch it into the phone. I waited while it rang once. Twice.

“Andrew Jackson High School,” a mature, feminine voice answered before the third ring. “How may I help you?”

“I need to speak to De—Declan Quinn. The Principal.” My voice shook as I spoke, and I felt my fingers tighten around the phone. “It’s an emergency.”

“Whom may I ask is calling?” She asked, somewhat disinterested yet still professional.

“Bella Swan.” I tried not to let my panic leak through my voice, but I knew I failed.

“One moment, please.” There was a click, indicating I was on hold.

The seconds ticked by at an agonizing pace, each one longer than the previous, and by the time the line was picked up, I was ready to tear my own hair out.

“Bella?” Dex’s throaty, masculine voice resonated through the line, and I could hear the wariness in his words. I could also hear the concern. “Is everything all right?”

I stammered a bit before finding my words. “No. Steven came by my house. He talked to my mom and gave her a note to give to me. I don’t know if he’s still outside. What should I do?”

He breathed a curse into the phone. “I need you to come to Jackson today. As soon as possible. Can you do that?”

I nodded. “Yes.”

“Good.” His voice was stern and authoritative, much similar to Shiloh’s. The only difference was that his words were laced with apprehension. “Do not idle. Come straight here. I shall send two of the others to keep an eye on you.”

“Thank you,” I said breathily, relieved, but he had already hung up.

After placing the phone back on the receiver and turning my attention to the outside world, I froze in absolute terror. There was someone standing by my mailbox. He was much taller than me, with wide-set shoulders, and a red hooded sweater that looked out of place given the humid weather outside. The hood of his sweater was pulled up over his head, so I couldn’t see who it was, but I had a general idea. We stared at one another for what felt like an eternity, when all at once, he turned his attention to the left with a snap of his head, and he vanished.

My body tensed when I spied two additional figures materialized before my house. They turned to face me, and I breathed out a long sigh of relief at the sight of Rix and Tobin. After glancing from side to side, they disappeared, probably following Steven’s trail.

I hoped they caught him.

Five minutes later, Renee pranced out of the kitchen, keys in hand, and motioned for me to follow her. I all but ran out to the car, which earned me a snicker from her, and we were off in no time. She prattled on about something in the news as well as the latest gossip at her work while we drove, but I hardly paid attention. I was busying myself with expecting every corner and alley we passed to be the last.

I had come to the conclusion that, if Steven did intercept my mother and me, I would not go down without a fight. The likelihood that I would win was far from favorable, but I would do it. I didn’t want to be the weak link in the chain anymore.

Thankfully, we made it to the school without incident—with the exception of a woman cutting off Renee and almost taking off her front bumper in the process. I expressed my gratitude to my mother for the ride and was out the car door before she could say, “You’re welcome.” My feet pounded against the concrete, and I quickly and unapologetically pushed my way through a gaggle of students near the front door.

Dex was in the main foyer of the office when I arrived. He remained calm and collected in front of the office staff who were looking at me like I was crazy. Considering I had almost crashed through the glass door to the office, it was understandable that they would question my sanity. Dex handed a large stack of papers to the secretary and requested an even larger number of copies, before escorting me to his office.

He opened the door, and there, standing in the corner, was Shiloh.

I crossed to her quickly, my heart swelling and beating fiercely, and I realized how happy I was to see her. It wasn’t just because she had the strength to dispatch with Steven in a heartbeat. There was something about her that calmed me. What had once scared and worried me about her now made me feel content. It was strange, but not unwelcome.

There was a sense of peace in the knowledge that she would have the answers.

I saluted her, and she responded in turn. “Declan has informed me of what has transpired.”

“Do you have the note?” Dex had locked the door and crossed over to where we were standing. I handed it over and waited nervously as the note was exchanged between him and Shiloh. After a minute or so, he muttered, “This is not good.”

My stomach sank.

“It means nothing.” Shiloh’s voice was even. “A vague message contains a vague meaning. There is no reason to panic.”

_What?_ My face contorted in shock as Shiloh disparaged the entire incident with a simple “It means nothing.” Had it not been Shiloh who had said that Steven would never try to attack my house? While it was true he didn’t, he had been given the opportunity. If there was ever a time for something to happen, it was now.

_Oh no._ I felt it coming again: word vomit.

“No reason to panic?” I was shocked by the shrillness of my voice. “My mother could have been killed!”

“But she wasn’t.” Dex looked at me ponderously. “Which is very strange. Steven has never been one to hold back.”

“Except when he was under orders,” Shiloh responded, her eyes narrowing slightly. “Jillian was a high ranking leech. Her absence has more than likely been noticed. If it was indeed Steven who paid your mother a visit, Bella, it was most certainly not of his own decisions.”

I bit my tongue, knowing that the tirade boiling inside me wouldn’t help the situation. Getting angry and telling Shiloh how I didn’t give a damn about who told Steven to do what would only make me seem irrational, regardless of how true that statement was. So, I merely stood there and listened to her and Dex.

“What should we do?” Dex addressed Shiloh, his arms crossing tightly over his chest. “The hunts have thus far been in vain.”

“For whatever reason,” Shiloh began, while casting an unreadable gaze in my direction, “Steven has chosen to focus his attentions on Bella. We must ensure that she is protected while we track him down.”

I stifled a groan. Great, I was back to being the weak human. Of course, I was also worried that I would be placed in Collin’s care. The very thought of him filled me with so much confusion and strange emotions. I could hardly even think of being in the same room as him.

“Understood.” Dex nodded and turned a curious expression to me. “We will need all our resources to hunt him. Who will be left to guard her?”

“I can guard myself,” I muttered, and even though I knew both could hear me, they ignored me. I took a seat in a chair against the room and huffed. I probably looked like I was pouting, and I guess I was, but I didn’t care.

“There is only one who can assist us in this matter,” Shiloh said after a few moments of silence.

Dex turned slowly. “I thought of her also.”

“It is decided then,” Shiloh stated and turned back to me. “I shall take Bella to her.”

A wave of déjà vu flooded my memory, and I was taken back to all the times the Cullens had spoken of me as though I wasn’t even in the room. I stared up at Shiloh and Dex, and I realized they were doing the same thing, speaking about me as though I were an object and not a person. Was I always meant to a source of contention? A sore? A cancer? Couldn’t I ever just belong?

It was that moment that a wave of realization crashed down and buried me under a sea of epiphany and truth.

The reason why I had been treated as such was because … the truth was that I didn’t belong with them. Any of them. The Cullens were vampires and the Walkers were hunters of vampires, supernatural creatures, and although I had attributes that set me above other humans, I was still ordinary by comparison. I lowered my head as the truth of my current situation came to me. I hadn’t belonged with the Cullens—Edward had seen that—and I didn’t belong with the Walkers. Although I was a descendant, it meant nothing given I was human. I was fooling myself, and it was about time I put an end to the charade. After all, look at what my choices, my lies had done; I had put my mother in danger. Again.

I raised my head, my resolve solidifying. It was time to do the one thing I had never been able to do with Edward; I had to walk away. Dex had continued speaking during my introspection, but Shiloh’s eyes were on me. I steeled my expression, knowing that now was not the time for any revelations, as Dex turned back to me.

“I will take the others and await your return.” Dex bowed, crossed the room and exited through the door. He paused briefly before leaving. “Long life to you.”

“And to you,” Shiloh acknowledged, and as soon as he had left, she turned back to me. “It is time.”

We left the same way Dex had, and I was surprised when Shiloh guided me through the bustling streets at a normal, human pace. In the past, she had hurried ahead of me at a speed comparable to a vampire’s, and I was meant to keep up. The problem was that I never could. Shiloh and the others were always ten steps ahead of me, which further reinforced my decision.

We took a sharp left into a narrow alley, and all at once, Shiloh stopped moving. She turned over her right shoulder and regarded me with a hard expression. “There is something troubling you. What is it?”

Had she brought me here just to question me? I shook my head absently. Now wasn’t the time to go into my problems. If she and the others were going to catch Steven, they needed clear heads. I couldn’t weigh her down with my choice.

“It’s nothing.” I tried to sound pleasant, but somehow I knew Shiloh could see through my ruse. She could see through everything. “I’m fine.”

“Do you take me for a fool? A simpleton?” Her words were monotone, but they were loaded nonetheless.

“Of course not,” I said defensively.

“Then why do you presume to think I am not aware of your timorous attitude as well as its implications?” She arched an eyebrow. “There are no secrets in my company, Bella. Secrets and lies do nothing but destroy the lives of others. I have been completely honest with you. Will you not bestow me the same courtesy?”

“I just … I don’t want it to get in the way of the hunt for Steven.” I lowered my eyes, and my fingers started picking at my jeans. “I want you guys to have a clear head.”

“Have we given you any indication that our minds will be anything other than focused?”

I sighed. “No.”

The Walkers were systematic and efficient. The likelihood that telling Shiloh that I was choosing not to become one of them had about as much chance of affecting them as I had growing wings.

I took a deep breath to steady myself, and when I was ready, I lifted my eyes to her. “I can’t do this. I can’t be one of you.”

I wasn’t sure what I expected, but the silence that followed sure wasn’t it. The air whistled across the top of the alley, and I could hear the screeching of brakes, honking of horns, and the mild yammering of passerbys, all of which did not concern me in the least. The only thing that mattered to me was the look on Shiloh’s face. It was a combination of sadness and sympathy, and it nearly broke my heart.

“I understand,” she said quietly, and the hurt was unmistakable. Surely she had to have known this was a possible outcome. Had she actually expected me to drop everything and become like them? She didn’t even trust me. So why was she looking at me like that? “As soon as the issue with Steven is neutralized, you shall never hear from us again.”

“Shiloh—“ I started, but she held up a hand to silence me.

“I honor my promises,” she assured me, and her features steeled immediately. “We shall protect you and your parents for the remainder of your lives.”

“That’s not what I was going to say,” I insisted. “I wanted to say that I’m sorry. I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough.”

She let out a breathy laugh, something I was not expecting. “Strength was never the issue here.”

My neck jerked back slightly in confusion. “What?”

“Fear,” she said simply. “You are afraid of what you cannot see, what you cannot control. That is why you are walking away from us.”

My shoulders hunched forward and my anger started to boil. “Of course, I am. I’m afraid of waking up tomorrow and finding my parents dead. That’s a valid concern in my world, Shiloh. I know it’s not what you think about. You probably don’t know what it means to be afraid, but it’s something I have to deal with on a constant basis. I’m human. I’m kidding myself thinking that I could ever be anything else. I realize that now. I understand that I don’t belong with you and the others. I’m a weak link.”

Shiloh shook her head. “You are wrong.”

I snorted. “About what?”

She closed the distance between us, stopping just shy of three feet from me. “Everything.”

What on earth could I be wrong about? It didn’t make sense. Although my strength and agility had improved, I was still coming home with countless injuries. My right leg was covered with black and blue bruises, and there was a healing gash on my left arm. If anything, my body was telling me that this was not for me. Besides, Shiloh didn’t trust me. She had said so herself. That alone should have been enough for her to turn her back on me. So why hadn’t she? Why was she still looking at me with a spark of hope in her eyes? Why couldn’t she just accept my decision and let me go?

_Perhaps it is because she believes in you._ The words echoed through my mind, sending languishing pains through me. No. It couldn’t be that. I was a lowly human. I was an ant struggling to reach the sky. It was impossible.

“You said it’s my decision,” I barely whispered. “I’m choosing to remain human.”

“If that is what you truly want, then it will be so,” she responded, narrowing her eyes slightly. With a fluid motion, her eyes focused on something behind me. When I turned, there was nothing there. I tried to ask her what was wrong, but she merely held up a finger to silence me.

I watched her in fascination for a long time. Eventually, she became utterly motionless, her face like a stone sculpture. The seconds passed, turning into minutes, and if I didn’t know better, I would have thought she was a sculpture that some artist had randomly placed in that alley. I didn’t dare interrupt her to ask what was going on.

I wished there was something safe for me to think about. I couldn’t allow myself to consider the horrors of the unknown, or more horrific yet, the chance that the Walkers might fail to catch him—not if I wanted to keep from screaming aloud.

Shiloh’s eyes popped open suddenly, and I gasped at the quick motion.

“We are being followed,” she said quietly, her body still rigid and stiff. “Stand against that wall.”

I did as I was told, pressing my back firmly against the wall to her right side, and I felt my body starting to quiver. Shiloh closed her eyes and took a deep breath. I reciprocated the motion, waiting for something, anything to happen. I tried not to concentrate on what or who was there, and instead, I tried to think of what would happen after this was all over. If I survived, what would my life be? How would I change? The next step could be college, but for what purpose? Life without Edward had seemed empty, but now it seemed even more so without Collin and the others. I would have to make it work, though. It would be a half life, but I would ensure my parents’ survival. That was what was important to—

The world suddenly came crashing down around us. No. Not the world. A body. No. Two bodies. Twin, male figures flew through the center of the alley and connected with Shiloh. A flurry of grunts and a single anguishing cry echoed down the alley.

“No!” I cried, but I kept myself firm against the wall.

Shiloh was on her feet immediately and flung a vicious kick into one of her assailant’s stomach. I heard the bone crunch and winced in response. A limp body flew down the alley, crashing into a pile of trashcans and a large cacophony of screeches and clashes followed. The second vampire had his arms out, ready, though he seemed to be missing a few fingers. They started to dance around one another. Not quite dancing, because Shiloh was not allowing her attacker close to me. She shadowed the vampire’s footwork lithely, stalking him with perfect concentration and elegant execution.

The second vampire rose from his fallen position and rushed to the aid of the other. The two of them joined forces and started toward Shiloh, but she was ready for them.  As the male on her right reached for her, she gripped his arm and knelt forward. He screamed as his arm was ripped away from his body. Shiloh didn’t stop. While the now armless vampire tumbled to the ground, she jumped through the air and tackled the other, sinking her teeth into his neck.

One-armed vampire lurched toward me, his red eyes brilliant with fury. He glared when Shiloh appeared between us, and his last remaining defense—his left hand—curled into talons. His mouth opened, widened, his teeth glistening, as he prepared to attack. All but invisible with speed, Shiloh twisted backward and caught the unsuspecting vampire by the arm. She wrapped her second arm around his neck and twisted.

The scream that followed shook me to the core. When it finally stopped, all that remained was a headless body on the pavement. One down; one more to go.

Meanwhile, the one Shiloh had bitten had recovered and was moments from closing in on us. His lips turned up into a malevolent smile, sending a chill down my spine. He coiled and sprang, but he was intercepted almost immediately. The impact sounded like an explosion, and both Shiloh and the last vampire crashed into one of the walls, sending a shower of bricks and concrete raining through the air.

I wrapped my arms over my head as the debris rained down on me, and I cringed as a particularly large piece struck my forearm.

Judging by the way he was backing away, it was apparent that the lone vampire was trying to retreat. He threw me one short, furious expression and then turned and fled. He didn’t make it far, though, before Shiloh was on his unprotected back. She spun him around, and he stumbled on all fours. She quickly brought up her foot and planted it on his back, breaking it with a sickening crunch.

Shiloh bent down, grabbed his head and pulled it from his shoulders. All signs of struggle stopped, and there was, once again, silence in the alley. I took a deep breath and took a hesitant step away from the wall. The decapitated bodies were still twitching, and I jumped every time it happened. I eventually relaxed when Shiloh pulled out a lighter and set both of the bodies on fire. They burned up instantly, filling the air with the odor of rotten eggs, and I gagged a bit.

I watched, strangely fascinated, as the bodies turned to ash before my eyes. The flames weren’t orange as they usually were. They alternated between bright red and purple, something I had never noticed before. It was oddly beautiful, in a sick, sadistic way, I guess.

“Bella?” It took me a moment to realize that Shiloh was speaking to me. “Look at me.”

Our eyes met, and I felt the world center. My heart stopped racing and my head cleared.

“Why did they attack you?” My voice quavered a little. “Isn’t fuil aimsir over?”

Her eyes fell on the smoldering ash piles. “I am familiar with these two leeches. They are not special, nor do they belong to anyone.”

I shook my head. “Then why did they do this?”

“More questions,” she shifted back to me, “that require answers.”

As soon as the vampires were dust in the wind, Shiloh hurried me out of the alley and onto a main road. I found myself glancing around nervously, wondering what else would pop out at us. Thankfully, there were no other surprises. Well, that wasn’t exactly true. I was very shocked when I discovered we were heading toward the mall.

Was Shiloh taking me to see Nora? Yes. She was.

Nora was standing outside the shop as we approached, and I recognized the “closed” sign that was resting on the door. Why was the store closed?

“You’re late,” she commented as we stopped in front of her. Her face fell. “What happened?”

“We were intercepted,” Shiloh answered. “Two of them.”

“Anyone you recognized?” Nora frowned severely, and her gaze danced between Shiloh and me. “Any knowns?”

“They were nobodies. No allegiance.” Shiloh glanced to the side, looking skeptical. “We should move inside.”

The three of us moved inside Pages, and the smell of the books put me at ease. It was only temporary, though. I couldn’t help but wondering why I was there. I loved spending time with Nora, but in the past, my protection had usually been reserved to the Walkers. What were we doing here?

By the time we reached the cash register, which was at the heart of the store, Shiloh had begun talking to Nora. Unfortunately for me, she was speaking much too fast for me to keep up. She sounded like a recording that had been sped up four or five times. It was a blur of sounds and tones, nothing I could recognize. I pouted and crossed my arms across my chest, disappointed that I wasn’t kept in the loop.

They finally stopped, and I turned to see Shiloh stepping away from Nora. She motioned to me, and I approached her.

“You must stay with Nora until we come for you,” Shiloh informed me sternly. “You are not to leave this place for any purpose. Do you understand?”

I nodded. “Yes.”

“Good.” She stepped closer to me. “Do not be afraid, Bella. You are without a doubt the strongest human I have ever encountered. Just remember, strength, true strength, is measured not by what you take, but what you give.”

With that, she swept out of the door, leaving me in my confusion.

I turned back to find Nora leaning against the wall. Shaking my head, I asked, “Does she always do that?”

Nora laughed. “Do what?”

I crossed to her, a smile playing on my lips. “Say something completely obscure and then disappear?”

She rolled her eyes. “She’s always done that, ever since I’ve known her. Please believe me when I say it used to be much worse though. At least she doesn’t use riddles anymore. I swear I wanted to kill her some days.”

I had to laugh at that. The two of us spent the rest of the day checking in new merchandise and cleaning up the store. I called my mom somewhere in between, letting her know that I had caught a bus after school and was already at the mall. I convinced her not to come pick me up after my shift. Nora was more than willing to give me a ride home. My mother was skeptical, but she, thankfully, finally gave in.

Nora cocked her head to the side and crossed her arms. “Why did Shiloh need to remind you of your strength?”

Her question caught me off guard, and I questioned whether or not I should tell her about my decision. Of course, she had objected to my learning to be a Walker from day one, so she would probably break out the party hats and celebrate. She was also my boss. If there was something that would affect my work schedule, I was sure I was required to talk to her about it. How would my not being a Walker affect my relationship with Nora? Would she abandon me like Alice had?

There was only one way to find out.

“I told Shiloh that I can’t be a Walker,” I said slowly, steadily. My eyes found the floor as I continued. “I’m not strong enough.”

“Oh” was all I heard.

I could always open up to Nora, and she would never share my secrets nor judge me for them. She was the only one who knew everything that had happened in Forks. She knew about Edward and Alice, and she was aware of how cruel they had been to me. She had never criticized the fact that I, a receptor in training, had been so close to vampires. I was so grateful for her and everything she had done for me.

“Steven could have killed my mom this morning,” I continued, pacing and gesturing wildly. “What else can I do? I have to keep her safe.”

“And you think by keeping yourself vulnerable,” Nora arched an eyebrow, “that will ensure your family’s safety? Do you even realize where you live? This entire city is a hunting ground for leeches. We have lived in many vampire hubs before, but this is by far one of the worst. The streets are warzones. Battles for territory claim happen every day. Unless you and your family are willing to leave this city, there will always be a danger.”

My breath stunted. “I thought you were against me becoming a Walker.”

“I was against you being forced into it,” Nora clarified. “Certain others haven’t exactly been subtle.”

I sighed. “You’re talking about Maddie.”

“Yes.” She nodded sorrowfully. “It’s so disconcerting.”

I fidgeted. The subject of Madelyn, the former Walker who I apparently looked like, made me uncomfortable. “What did you think when I came in to fill out an application?”

“Oh, don’t even get me started.” Nora waved her hand and crossed to the cash register. “I was a diplomat for almost seven hundred years. I know how to keep my composure. It was difficult with you, though. The fact that I could not read you frustrated me even more.”

She was talking about the special ability that had followed her into her vampire life. Nora could tell whether a person was telling the truth. According to Collin, all purebloods had that gift, it was bred into them, although it manifested in each Walker differently. Shiloh and Nora were telepathic in their gifts, whereas Rix was physical, whatever that meant.

“Bella,” Nora said, her voice growing serious. “You have a strong heart. Your capacity to love others is very powerful. It’s evident in everything you do, everything you say, and you’re completely unaware of it. But you’re letting it control you. You’ve let this concern for others morph into fear, and it is that fear that is swallowing you whole.”

“Is it wrong for me to worry about my mother?” I asked, shrugging.

“Not at all,” she said. “It is unwise, however, to be paralyzed and dictated by something that has not yet happened. Don’t you agree?”

I turned away from her without answering. She and Shiloh had essentially said the same thing, and there was a part of me that knew they were both right. Still, considering my previous encounters with the supernatural—James, Jillian, and now Steven—it was safe to say that I could predict what would happen relatively accurately. I couldn’t let that happen. I had to find a way to get my parents out of Jacksonville, but how? Phil’s job was there, and my mother’s nomadic tendencies had all but disappeared when she met Phil. It was looking more and more like an impossibility.

“You cannot run forever,” Nora interjected, and I shifted back to her. She had lifted a box onto the counter and was busying herself with checking in new inventory. “Sooner or later, you will be confronted with an unwinnable situation, and you will be forced to make a choice.”

I grabbed the packing slip from the box and started checking off the merchandise. Anything to avoid her eyes. Her words sparked a memory. “Like Star Trek?”

Nora paused. “Yes. That’s a very good comparison. One day, you will face your own Kobayashi Maru, and you will have to make a choice.”

I laughed softly. “But, didn’t Captain Kirk beat that test?”

Nora deadpanned. “Kirk cheated. He manipulated the system so he could come out on top. It was a testament to his character. The reality is you can only cheat death for so long.”

“I know,” I said steadily, placing the packing slip on the counter and turning to her. “That’s why I can’t do this. I’ve cheated death so many times in this past year. James in the ballet studio, Jillian in the park, those vampires in the Under Passage, it’s just too much. I’m walking a dangerous line. It isn’t just about my parents, either. If I was to turn up dead, it would kill them.”

“That can happen everywhere, though.” Nora stepped away from her work, and she took my hands in hers. “You need to make the choice that will bring you happiness. I just hate to see you running from something because you’re afraid. I know Shiloh feels the same way.”

I scoffed. “Right. I highly doubt she has any idea what I’m going through.”

Nora frowned and dropped my hands. “Why do you say that?”

I shrugged. “She’s not scared of anything. Not like me.”

Nora smiled very timidly and shook her head. “You don’t realize how wrong you are.”

I sighed. “I don’t think I am.”

“Shiloh is afraid every moment of every day,” Nora said sadly. “She keeps the others on such tight reigns because she fears for their safety. The very idea of losing one of them petrifies her. Do you know why? Can you guess?”

I didn’t need to think long. “Because of what happened in The Purge.”

She nodded. “Yes. Above all else, Shiloh fears being alone. When Declan discovered her in the lower catacombs, after that damn leech killed the younglings, she was barely alive. I mean that literally and figuratively.”

“When I told her that I couldn’t join them,” I said slowly. “She looked almost … I don’t know, sad.”

“That’s not surprising.” Nora returned to her work. “Shiloh cares a great deal about you, Bella. She loves your presence in their lives.”

“No. She doesn’t.” I crossed my arms over my chest. “She told me that she doesn’t trust me.”

Nora waved a hand at me. “That doesn’t mean what you think it means, Bella. Trust between a subordinate and a ceannaire is about the bond. It’s also about selfless acts. It’s not that she thinks you are untrustworthy. She just doesn’t know enough about your character. Have you told her about the vampires back in your hometown?”

“Not exactly.” I had given her a vague rundown, but I had avoided sharing what had happened with Edward. Somehow, I didn’t think she would understand me having been in love with a vampire.

“Do you trust Shiloh?” She asked.

I had to think about that for a moment. Did I trust her? She had certainly given me no reason to not trust her. She had saved my life multiple times, and she was always calm and careful during training. When hopping from building to building, I knew that she would be there to catch me should I fall. She was always there, and if I were to join them, she always would.

I smiled. “Yes. I do.”

“Why?” Nora asked.

“Because I know she’ll always be there,” I answered truthfully.

“Have you given Shiloh any indication that you will always be there?”

My breath caught in my lungs, ceasing my ability to speak. I merely shook my head. I had done nothing to earn her trust. I had reminded her multiple times that I wasn’t sure this was what I wanted.

“Perhaps now you understand,” Nora commented and handed me a stack of books. “Now. Let’s get these upstairs.”

She carried three boxes like they were weightless, and I trailed behind her, trying not to let the single pile of twelve books topple over. We moved up to the second floor where a book display had been set up.

“Do you ever grow tired of being right?” I asked playfully.

“Sometimes,” she said. “It is awfully difficult putting others on the right track.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Of course,” she said over her shoulder as she began setting the books on the display.

“Since I’m not going to be … a Walker,” I started, unsure how to proceed. “What’s going to happen to you … and me?”

She stopped and turned to me. “Are you planning on quitting? Because I would at least like a two week’s notice.”

“No,” I all but shouted. “I love it here. I just wasn’t sure if—“

“If I would pull the same stunt your friends did in Washington?” She could read me like a book. It was amazing. “You have nothing to worry about, Bella. Shiloh does not dictate who I spend my time with. She will advise against it, but I don’t care. I don’t merely think of you as an employee. You’re my friend.”

My heart swelled at her words, and tears started to pool in my eyes. I lowered my head and tried to pull it together, but Nora must have seen or smelled my tears, because she wrapped her icy arms around me and held me tight.

“Thank you,” I muttered.

“Not at all,” she responded, stepping away. “You know, I have half a mind to visit Washington and knock some sense into that boy and his coven. How many did you say there were?”

“Seven.”

“Child’s play,” she answered with a shrug. “I could take them.”

“I’m sure you can.” We returned to our work, and somewhere in between placing the books where they needed to be and breaking down the boxes, we got on the subject of relationships. “Why don’t you have a leannán?”

“I beg your pardon?” She laughed a little.

“You’re very beautiful,” I commented. It was true. Nora had lovely features. It wasn’t just because she was a vampire either. She was radiant. Her high cheek bones and proportionate appearance was made more beautiful by her warm personality and intelligence. It was unthinkable that another Walker had not seen her for what she was. “Was there ever someone special in your life?”

“Once,” she commented wistfully, a finger toying with a strand of her brown hair. “Life became too complicated.”

I frowned. I definitely understood what she meant. Still, wasn’t there someone back at the Colony?

“Who was it?” I asked. “The one you’re talking about. What happened to him?”

She opened her mouth to speak, but before the words could leave her lips, she froze. Gone were her bright eyes and cheerful smile. A terrified grimace took their place. I frowned and tried to ask her what was wrong, but she brought her finger to her lips, silencing me. She lurched forward and wrapped her arms around me, before she sped up to the third floor.

Once there, I was placed back on my feet and watched in shocked silence as Nora tore through the area. She turned on the laptop in the far corner, and after a few keystrokes, she pulled a USB from beside the computer. From there, she hurried to one of the shelves that held the massive tomes, and she pulled from it what looked like a leather bound journal. She shoved both the journal and USB into my hands. I had no time to ask what she had given me. She pulled me toward the wall furthest from the staircase, and I watched as she pushed against it. It gave way, revealing a long corridor, a secret passage. With a flick of a light switch, it became illuminated with light.  

“Follow this tunnel,” she instructed quickly. “It will take you across the street. Once there, you need to find somewhere with a lot of people. There’s a restaurant on the corner. Go there. Don’t stop. Now go. Please, Bella, go.”

“What’s wrong?” I asked, pushing her hands away when she tried to force me into the passageway. “Why are you doing this?”

She opened her mouth, but at the same time, there was a chime from downstairs. It was the sound that told me a customer had just entered. Nora’s back went rigid, and she shoved me through the opening. Before I could contest, the door was slid back in place. What was she doing? To make matters worse, the lights flickered twice before shutting off. I was in the darkness.

There was a little sliver of light coming through a hole, and I huddled against the wall to see what was happening. I shoved the USB in my pocket and placed the journal on the ground next to me.

Nora was standing in the middle of the third floor, her arms glued to her sides. As I continued to stare, wondering if I should start banging on the wall, a flash of movement by the stairs caught my eye. Slowly, a black-robed figure ascended the stairs slowly, each step taken with deliberate precision. Once it had reached the landing, a long arm pulled at the hood, producing a very fair featured man. His red hair was long and secured behind his head in a short pony tail. His skin was as pale as Nora’s, his sharp cheekbones framed a pair of bloodred irises and a slender nose, while his intense, jutting chin held a wicked smirk.

He took a step closer, and Nora took one back.

“Why do you cower from me, my dear Eleanora?” His voice was melodic and chilling, like a haunting symphony of tones. “You have no reason to fear me.”

“The hell I don’t,” Nora rebuked in a clipped tone. “Why are you here, Constantine?”

_Constantine. Why do I know that name?_ I froze as the memory came to me. Constantine was the vampire that had attacked Shiloh and killed her younglings. He had been the one who had destroyed the vivacious person she had been. My hands curled in tight fists, and I glared at him. Why was he here, and why wasn’t Nora trying to kill him?

“My brothers and I were traversing through Mexico when we were informed of something rather intriguing.” He started to inspect the area, running his hands over the spines of the massive books. A snicker came from his lips. “Still the studious one, are we?” Nora did not respond. “There is a rumor drifting from lip to lip, from ear to ear, one that I could not possibly ignore. Do you know what that is, my dear?”

“I have heard nothing,” she responded in a tight voice, “and I know nothing.”

“That is not what I have heard. That is not what I have been told.” He held up a finger and wagged it back and forth a few times. “It is not wise to lie to me. You know this.”

“Do you think I have a reason to lie?” Her voice was empty, devoid of any emotion. It was amazing. She sounded so much like Shiloh. Why?

“Of course, I do,” he said grandly, smiling broadly at her. However, in a flash, he crossed the room and took a seat at the table. “Where are my manners? I have forgotten myself. Welcome to our way of life, darling Eleanora. You have become a beautiful creature of the night. I love a happy ending. They are so rare in our way of life.”

“Why are you here?” Her voice was flat, hard, and demanding.

“Patience, my lovely,” he cooed, cocking his head to the side and smiling at her. His gaze roamed around the space. “I am just so exorbitantly happy to see a familiar face. It is also somewhat entertaining to find you doing the same task. Why do you keep the histories of an extinct species?”

My mouth fell slack. He didn’t know that the Walkers still existed. How was that possible? Collin and the others had a deal with the local vampire lords; did the Colony have the same kind of agreement?

“It was what I was trained to do,” Nora answered in a tight voice. “I am unaccustomed to any other way of life.”

“How very true.” He looked genuine sympathetic and apologetic. It was so strange that this had been the sadistic creature that had taken everything from Shiloh. He seemed so pleasant. “Please, sit down with me, and we will get down to business.”

Nora faltered momentarily before crossing and taking a seat across from him. Her posture remained tense.

“I was not aware until recently that you had become one of us and were living in this pesthole country,” he said, his brow knitting in concern. “You could have come to us, lovely Eleanora. Your gift would have been welcomed by my masters.”

“No, thank you,” Nora replied in a clipped tone. “I fancy free will, and there is also the fact that you slaughtered my people.”

“A necessary evil,” he remarked, “and water under the bridge, I am sure. It has been nearly four hundred years since then. Can we not let bygones be bygones?”

“No.” She growled, and the air filled with the sounds of cracking wood. Nora’s grip on the table had tightened, nearly ripping a piece off.

“Never mind that,” Constantine said, waving his hand through the air. “Are you aware of my new title? My purpose.”

She said nothing, merely shook her head.

“There are many different areas of the Volturi. Acquisitions, historians, and so on,” he explained politely. “I am the head of a relatively small sect known as Inquisitions. My brothers and I travel the world when rumors find our ears. We ensure the anonymity of our species by handling problems.”

“You kill others of your kind,” she said testily. “You are a murderer.”

“Another necessary evil, I’m afraid,” he said. “One day, our kind will be able to walk among the humans, but until then, our presence is required.

“I am no longer a Walker.” The temper of Nora’s voice rose with each word. “So, why are you here? You and your masters”—she all but spat the word—“eradicated my people.”

“I am aware of that. I was there after all.” He seemed completely unconcerned by her blatant hostility. “However, as I have said before, there has been a rumor. It may seem like a waste of time to investigate every single report, but it must be done. Of course, you understand.”

“What is this rumor?” Nora’s fingers drummed against the table.

“Well, it would seem, and mind you, this is just a rumor,” he said. “There have been reports of a creature that had been feeding on our kind in this area.”

Nora shrugged. “There are many warring covens here. It is likely they are using that as a way to keep the others in line. I’ve heard of it before.”

“That is what I thought,” he said sneakily, leaning in toward her as though they were gossiping over lunch. “When we came into the city, though, we encountered a lad that claimed to have actually seen this creature. He described her in quite vivid detail.”

“Who is that?” Her voice had changed. It was still hard, but there was a twinge of something. What was it?

“A tall, gangly child,” he responded offhandedly. “He seemed relatively put out by her.”

Steven. There was no one else it could be. I ground my teeth together and silently hoped that Shiloh and the others ran him down and ripped him limb from limb. A tiny bead of sweat dripped down my cheek and hung off my chin. There was no air conditioning in the walls, and the humidity was starting to bother me.

“If there is a lone hunter in the city,” Nora said. “I have no knowledge that will help you.”

His smile widened. “I do not think that is true.”

In a fluid movement, he rose from the chair and crossed to the small refrigerator nestled against the wall. The door swung open, and although I could not see, I knew what he found. Three large jars full of vampire venom, and five smaller jars of blood. He reached forward and pulled out one of the smaller jars.

“This is a beautiful sight to behold,” he remarked. With a glance back to Nora, he asked, “May I?”

She said nothing, and he promptly unscrewed the cap of the jar and drank the deep, red liquid. A guttural growl resonated from his chest as he swallowed gulp after gulp until it was all gone. He pulled a small, white cloth from his pocket and dabbed it against his mouth. A handkerchief? Really? I wasn’t sure what it was, but I had an unsettling feeling about this whole interaction. Something was wrong.  Very wrong. I knew I should be moving through the tunnels, trying to find a way out, but I was paralyzed.

“Now that is something I have not tasted in a very long time,” he said, his voice husky and restrained. After a moment, he stood up straight and returned to his seated position. “That is not your average, every day blood.”

“Consequently,” he continued, “a few of my brothers have been searching the city for this last hunter, this Zion of her species, but they have found nothing. It is not surprising to me. Just between you and I, they are not the brightest bulbs. This is why I made the journey. Because I am aware of what tremendous feats some are capable of once they abandon dignity. Now, my job dictates that I must conduct a thorough search before I can leave. Unless there is something you wish to tell me.”

They stared at one another for several long minutes, but Nora said nothing.

“Shall we dispense with the pleasantries, then?” His voice hardened, and his features began to twist into something sadistic.

“Nothing would make me happier,” she answered.

“Do you know what else I was told?” His voice was no longer peppy. It was cold and cruel. “This hunter, this Walker has a very distinguishable mark. A long, black scar that runs down”—he drug his finger down the side of his face—“the right side of her body. Who on earth could have done that?”

Silence.

“I have also been told that she has been seen with a human,” he taunted, and I felt my blood run cold. “I see the myth of the receptors is true. She has found one and is planning to turn her.”

Nora’s jaw tightened. “The human will not be turned.”

“Of course, she won’t,” he mused and laughed darkly. He rose from his seat, and all at once, his charming attitude returned. “I apologize for my brutish demeanor, my dear. Some scars will never heal.”

“That is true,” she remarked coolly. “You may leave now.”

“Of course,” he said and bowed slightly. He walked away from her and started fingering the tomes again. A sly smile etched across his face, and he turned his back to me. “Are you sure you will not consider joining the Volturi? It really is lovely. You do not have to worry about keeping your meals in a cold box.”

Nora stood and crossed to him. She was standing in the middle of the room, with her back to the staircase. “The only way I would ever consider joining them, Constantine, would be if they agreed to eviscerate you in the most painful way imaginable. Even then, I doubt that would sway me. Your masters are corrupt demons, and you are just like them.”

“And I cannot change your mind? You have so much strength. Would you not wish to use it properly?”

Something passed over Nora’s face, a momentarily look of understanding. She pressed her lips together tightly, and her gaze found me. “The measure of strength is not in knowing when to take a life, but when to save one.”

“A touching and ironic sentiment, I’m sure,” Constantine responded, disinterested. “Is there anything else?”

“No,” she whispered, and I was shocked to see her smile timidly. “Thank you, for everything. Take care of her.”

Her message wasn’t directed at Constantine; she was talking to me. What did she mean, though? Why did it sound like she was saying goodbye? What was happening? Was she trying to tell me to run? There was a small sound from the below, the sound of rustling fabric, and moments later two, robed figures ascended the stairs. They moved so easily, it almost seemed as though they were floating above the ground. Each one took a position on either side of Nora. What were they doing?

“How unfortunate,” Constantine muttered and raised his hand as he spoke. It was a signal. The response was so fast that I stared in stunned disbelief while it happened.

The two robed figures leaped forward, blotting Nora from my vision. In the same instant, a horrible, metallic screeching ripped through the air, straight through my soul. Nora’s arms were separated from her body, and as she fell to her knees, crying out in agony, Constantine lurched forward and secured her head in his hands.

As one of the others pulled out a box of matches, a loud, torturous scream filled the third floor, as well as the tunnel I was hiding in. It wasn’t until Constantine’s hand reached through the wall and ripped a gaping hole in it that I realized it was me. The flames of Nora’s remains flickered behind him, filling the room with a wicked, red color.

He reached in and gripped me by my neck, pulling me from my place. As he brought my face close to his, he smiled broadly. “Good evening, my dear.”

And that was when the world fell into darkness. 


	24. Chapter Twenty-Four

Chapter Twenty Four

Where was I? The long, thick bars hinted at a prison or cage, but I couldn’t be sure. I was much too hazy.

The world was pain. Enormous amounts of agonizing, fierce, stabbing pain that made me lose all sense of reason. I tried to take deep breaths, but the air stank of blood and filth, making me gag and cough. I blinked twice, and each of those tiny, insignificant movements made me want to scream. My head was pounding in a tumultuous, rhythmic pace that was making me physical ill. There was a rumble in my stomach, and in spite of the pain it caused me, I shoved my body on my side seconds before I threw up. I groaned into the dark shadows surrounding me, and as I started thinking about where I was, the tears poured down my cheeks.

Nora, my friend, my confidante was dead. Her anguished cries reverberated through my mind, and I fruitlessly tried to stifle the sound with my hands over my ears. The memory of the bright red flames igniting on the third floor of Pages horrified me, and I leaned over and threw up again. My head was swimming, and when I reached up to touch the sore area, I felt something wet. There was a tiny bit of light coming from the far corner, enough for me to see that the liquid on my fingers was blood.

I lifted myself up, noticing how wobbly my legs were, and I shuffled across the cage to a small, broken mirror that was hanging against the stone wall. The reflection staring back at me looked like an extra from a horror movie. The entire right side of my face was black and blue, possibly where Constantine had struck me. A streak of blood trickled down, coming from an impressive gash just below my hairline. My lip had also been busted open, and another thinner line of blood was dripping down my chin. I pulled my arm across my mouth and winced as my sleeve grazed over my raw lip.

Turning away from the wall, I limped over to the bars and squinted, trying to see if I could see anything that would give me a hint as to where I was. I wasn’t certain how long I had been out, especially since there were no windows. There was a dripping sound in the distance, and I could hear a clanging sound, like someone was banging on a pipe, but other than that, there was nothing. I breathed out a disappointed sigh and was about to head back to the hard, metal slab I had awoken on, when a sinister laugh cut through the air.

“H—hello?” I called warily into the dark, and I was rewarded by another malevolent snicker. It was sneaky and sly, almost like a mischievous child. “Is—is someone there?”

“Of course, my lovely Bella,” a familiar voice crooned playfully and seductively. “Did you have a pleasant slumber?”

I felt the wall against my back. “Where am I?”

“Just a little place that my people fancy,” he answered, and the emphasis he put on the last word made him sound like a snake. My head cleared a bit, and I was able to identify the voice’s owner. It was Constantine.

“Why did you kill her?” I tried to keep from sounding scared, but I was certain I failed.

Somewhere across the room, I heard a large, metal object fall, and I was immediately blinded by white light. I held my hand up to cover my eyes, and as soon as my vision returned, I dropped it.  As far as I could tell, I was in the Under Passage. I took in the large, square room that I was in, realizing it was familiar. This was the same place where Market Days took place. Gone were the carts filled with different odds and ends, the Errand Runners, and the other vampires. At the center of the room was a shiny, flat surgical table. My heart started pounding and I silently hoped that was not meant for me.

“No one laments Eleanora’s passing more deeply than I,” he bemoaned, shaking his head. His robe was gone, revealing a red button-up shirt and tailored, black slacks. The stylish clothes pulled tight against his body, revealing the sinews beneath. I pulled my attention away from his body, as he turned to me and crossed his arms over his chest. He looked genuinely displeased. “She was such a brilliant creature. I hated taking her life.”

“Then why did you do it?” I growled. “You could have let her live.”

He smiled and shook his head. “You know so little of our world, young Bella.”

I gripped the bars, feeling their texture dig into the palms of my hands, and I glared openly at him. “You’re a monster.”

“And what makes me a monster?” He approached the bars, cocking his head to the side. “Is it because I follow orders? Because I have sworn fealty to my masters and hold that oath as the highest priority? Or is there another reason in that little sponge that you call a brain?”

I fought the urge to flee from such a formidable adversary and held my ground. “You massacred the Walkers. My ancestors.”

He scoffed. “Ancestors that I am certain you had no knowledge of one year ago. Do not spout your adolescent, flavor-of-the-week defiance to me, child. You know nothing of what you speak.”

“I know enough!” My voice echoed off the walls. “I know that you killed the younglings that Shiloh loved. You forced her to listen as you murdered them!”

“Further evidence of how shallow your river of knowledge truly runs,” he answered condescendingly. Moving away from me, he continued, “I would have been content to let those children go. There is no glory to be found in an unequal opponent. Be that as it may, it was the younglings, as you call them that engaged _me_ in battle.”

That took me by surprise. I had been led to believe that he had run the children down and brutally killed them. Why would they have attacked him? It made no sense to me.

“You’re lying,” I accused vehemently.

“And why would I lie to you? I do not traditionally accede to such a battle, but they were vicious little beasts.” He turned back to me. “They fought admirably, but not wisely.”

I pursed my lips and stepped away from the bars as he moved deliberately in my direction. “Why am I here?”

“Leverage,” he answered with a shrug, “as well as information.”

I shook my head and lowered my eyes. “I don’t know anything.”

“You and I both know that is not true,” he said in a chiding tone, as though he were a father scolding a willful child. “There is a wealth of knowledge in that brain, and I am going to fish it out—one way or another.”

“I’m not lying,” I insisted, wrapping my arms around my stomach. “Shiloh never told me anything.”

“Shiloh,” he spat her name. “Is that what she is calling herself now? Aoife was a much more suitable name. It means beautiful and radiant, which she most certainly is, or was. She was quite possibly one of the finest warriors I have ever encountered.”

While he spoke, he made his way toward the bars. I watched in shock as he easily bent them apart, allowing him access to my prison. He stepped through and moved quickly to my side, his hand locking around my bicep like a vice. Without much effort, he hauled me through the opening and to the center of the room. My feet scraped against the ground, and my eyes were wide and focused on the table we were rapidly approaching. What was about to happen?

“My years with the Volturi have been tiresome ever since that night,” he said morosely, and I was lifted up on the table. He hardly batted an eye during the entire exchange. It was nothing to him. I was nothing to him. “So many repetitive tasks. Never any worthwhile battles.”

My body rebelled against me and started to tremble. It earned me a wicked smirk from him.

“Enough with this idle chatter,” he said, clapping his hands together. “We had better get started.”

My breath hitched as he placed a hand delicately on my cheek and stared at me. I could hear my heart pulsating in my ears, and the fear overwhelmed me. What was he going to do to me?

“I am going to ask you questions, and I want them answered immediately and without hesitation. Do you understand?” When I didn’t respond, his hand wrapped around my throat, successfully cutting off my oxygen. I rasped out my understanding and he stopped. “Good. Let’s begin. How did you discover that Shiloh was a hunter of vampires?”

_Say nothing!_ I had a general idea of what was coming, but I tightened my lips and braced myself. The blow came from the right and struck me across my right cheek. I wish I could have said that I held out, that I bit back the urge to scream, but that was something I couldn’t say. He backhanded me with a small portion of his strength, but it was enough to send a stinging pain shooting through my face. I cried out in pain.

“How did you discover her secret?” His voice grew more insistent, but I still remained silent. This time he struck my left cheek, adding more pressure behind it, and I felt the moment my skin tore under the assault. The scent of blood filled the air, and my vision crossed. He inhaled. “My, my, my, what a lovely fragrance you have.”

This continued for the next fifteen minutes, with the severity of the punishments increasing each time I refused to answer. Stifled pleas to reign in his rage with a desperate appeal to whatever humanity he may have still had within him were drowned in a torrid wash of red and white-hot despair. Never before had I experienced pain quite like that. Even James snapping my leg was nothing in comparison. When I finally caved, I was sobbing from the agonizing pain of a broken cheek bone.

 “She saved me from a vampire,” I said slowly, forcing the words out in between excruciating cries. “She smelled my blood and said I was a receptor.”

Despite the debilitating torture I was in, I remembered that he had no knowledge of Collin, Dex, Rix, Una, and Tobin. He thought that Shiloh was alone. I had to keep him believing that. It was the only way to keep them safe.

“How interesting,” he remarked. He then produced a cold washcloth from beside the table and dabbed some blood off of my face. “It is so much easier for you to tell me the truth, dear one. All this pain is needless.”

I spat a bit of blood on the floor. “I know you’re enjoying it.”

He smirked. “That is beside the point.”

To his credit, he walked away, leaving me to clean up my face with the washcloth. I used the opportunity to take deep, measured breaths, trying to overcome the pain, but it was useless. Each breath was like driving ten thousand sharp needles into my face. Attempting to focus on anything but my throbbing head and the scent of blood was impossible.

After five or so minutes, he returned. “Is she the only one?”

I nodded slowly. “Yes.”

His eyebrows shot up in surprise. “That is unlikely. After all this time, she would have certainly created more. Are you lying?”

“No!” I all but screamed at him. My hands tightened into fists. “She told me that she tried before, but they all died during the change. I was her last hope.”

“Indeed,” he muttered. “And what was so special about you, I wonder?”

_Keep talking. Distract him from asking about the others._ Keeping secrets would not help me. Even if those secrets had the potential to put the Cullens at risk. “I have vampire venom in my blood. It makes me stronger than a usual receptor.”

His interest was piqued. “And how did that come about?”

“I was stalked by a tracker named James last March,” I said, keeping my eyes on the floor. I could hear him hum in response. Clearly the fact that James was a tracker enthralled him. “He bit me, but the venom was sucked out before the change could start.”

“You are simply filled with surprises,” he said gleefully, clasping his hands in front of him. “And who was it that saved your life?”

I started to say Edward’s name, but I stopped myself. Instead, I answered, “I don’t know. I woke up in the hospital.”

“Then how do you know that is what happened?”

“I saw him briefly,” I lied. “It was hazy. I was in and out of consciousness, but I could tell what he was doing.”

I had never been able to lie on the spot like that. It was amazing to me how easily it rolled off my tongue. I didn’t have much time to be amazed, because his line of questions was just beginning.

“Where does she stay?” He crossed his arms. “I am well aware of how Walkers select their dens, but that does not help being in the city. Where is hers?”

I shook my head. “I don’t know.”

I was afraid to give away the location of their underground home. What if Constantine sent an army of vampires there and discovered that there were, in fact, other Walkers living in the city? No. I had to keep the others safe. When he pressed me again, I repeated that I had no idea where Shiloh lived.

This was not what he wanted to hear, and somehow, he could tell that I was lying. He quickly forced me on my stomach, the cold metal stinging my warm flesh as he lifted my shirt, and before I could respond, a sharp, tearing sensation sprang up on my back. I yelped in pain, but it continued. My back was an undulating pyre, each second bringing infinitely more burning. Finally, he pulled away, and I started sobbing into the table.  

“Let me ask you again.” His voice was right by my ear. “Where does she live?”

“I. Don’t. Know,” I responded heavily, punctuating each word. “She never took me there. We always trained in the city.”

“You. Are. Lying,” he snarled, and his right hand found the fingers of my left hand. With a simple, easy twitch, he snapped my ring finger. I cried out. “You can end your suffering if you just tell me. Come now. Make the pain end.”

“I don’t know!” I screamed. _Snap!_ My pinky finger broke. I sobbed as the pain rocketed to every part of me. How much more could I take?

A pair of echoing footsteps distracted me briefly, as well as Constantine. I turned to look and found a tall, statuesque beauty standing before us. She had long, blonde hair that reached to the middle of her back, and a flawlessly beautiful face. Her lips were painted bright red, and the color matched her eyes.

“Brother,” she said, and I gaped at her high soprano voice. It almost sounded like the voice of a child. “The local lords have come.” He cursed under his breath. “Should I tell them to come back after you have concluded?”

“No, Tabitha,” he answered, shaking his head, and I felt my body relax a tiny bit. “There is little more I can gain from this. She is useless to me.”

“Shall I eliminate her, then?” Tabitha asked.

“No,” he said slowly, and his malevolent eyes focused on me. “I may have a better use for her. Stand watch.”

Constantine stalked away from me, while Tabitha leaned down and lifted me off the table. She was surprisingly gentle in the way she cradled me, and when I was placed back on the stone slab that I had awoken on, she laid me face down. The rough earth brushed my fractured cheek, causing me to yelp, but I had already screamed myself hoarse, and it came out as a raspy hiss. When I finally attained some form of motion, I twisted my body and looked down. Blood. My blood was splattered across my clothes and dotted my skin. The back of my blouse was damp, and it stung my back as it rested on my wounds.

After only a few minutes of lying there, I fell into some kind of trance. I could still feel the pain, but it was different. I was outside looking in. There was a moment where I could have sworn I was hovering over my own body, revolted by the deep gashes on my back, the sickening way my fingers were twisted, and the unnatural indention on my cheek. This could not be me.

My attention was drawn to a groaning noise near the bars, and I turned to find Tabitha stepping through a hole she had just made. In one hand she held a small white box, and in the next, she had a white cloth. I eyed her warily as she made her way to me, and I flinched when she reached out to touch my wounds.

“I am here to dress your injuries,” she said robotically, but there was a flash of something in her eyes. Was it concern? I didn’t know, nor did I care. I tried to pull away from her, but she placed her hand on my shoulder to stop me. “This is necessary. I will be quick.”

I winced as she stabbed me with a tiny needle and began sewing up my back. The wound must have been worse than I had previously thought if it required stitches. I tried to be as motionless as possible to avoid further pangs of searing hot pain, but it was useless.

“I do not understand why he did this,” she said quietly, more to herself than to me. “You are no use to us if you are damaged past repair.”

“Why?” I croaked. “He’s going to kill me anyway.”

“That may be,” she conceded softly, and I heard her cut the string, indicating that she had finished with the stitches. “However, you are still of value to us.”

I pushed my forehead against the ground. “Why are you acting like you care?”

Her fingers stopped working, and I felt her cold palm rest on the small of my back. “Because I know what you are going through.”

“How can you?” I spat, and as much as it hurt, I shifted so I could look at her. “You’re a leech. We have nothing in common!”

It was the very first time I had ever used a derogatory term for a vampire verbally. I liked the way it rolled off my tongue.

Tabitha held her tongue, and as soon as she was finished dressing my wounds, she rose slowly and shuffled out. I watched her go, hating every part of her, despising everything she represented. The vampire world was a world of excess and gluttony, I saw that now. They took what they wanted and spared no concern over the devastation they caused in their wake. My thoughts went to the Cullens, and a growl resonated from within me. They were just as bad.

The Cullens sat on their thrones of money, power, and infinite glory, and they cared nothing for others. Carlisle preached about the preservation of human life, and yet, he did nothing to stop Edward. Did he or Esme come to check up on me once? No. They abandoned me, unmoved by the destruction they had caused in my life. They were unfeeling, uncaring monsters. In that moment, they became no different than those holding me captive. The only difference was that Constantine didn’t try to contest what he was. He was cruel, barbaric, but there were no illusions about what he was. He was honest with himself as well as with everyone else.

I hated them. I hated the Cullens. I hated Constantine. I hated the Volturi. I hated vampires.

Somewhere close, I heard Constantine’s familiar chuckle, and I knew we would be starting again. The sound of the bars bending forced me off my side. He was before me, a wicked smirk on his face. I ached to wipe it away, to rip him to pieces.

“Was it not nice of Tabitha to clean you up?” He cooed. “I was against it, but she insisted.”

I spat some blood that had accumulated in my mouth on his shoe. “I don’t need help from you parasites.”

He cocked his head to the side, his smile widening. “You sound like one of them, but rest assured, you will never be a Walker.”

My legs screamed beneath me as I lifted up my heavy, spent body. “I am one of them, regardless. You can’t change where I come from.”

“That is true,” he said, nodding, and he brought his face very close to mine. “But I can certainly wipe it out.” My fearlessness faltered. What was he talking about? “Oh. Did you not realize that I am aware of your family heritage? I know where to find your mother, and I know where to find your father. I can make it as though you never existed.”

My reaction was abnormal, something I had never experienced before. In the past, I would have begged and pleaded for their lives, but this time was different. I rushed forward, the adrenaline in my system making me fast and strong, and I caught him by surprise. I shoved him with both hands and watched as he flew back and crashed into the opposite wall.

I didn’t hesitate in rushing to him and gripping his neck in my hands. “If you touch them, I will kill you!”

He regained his footing almost immediately, and he easily pulled me off of him. Much to my surprise, he was laughing. “You really are full of surprises. I am going to tell you how the next few minutes will pan out. You are going to tell me anything and everything you know about Shiloh, and in return, I will make sure your parents are never harmed. Ever.”

I shook my head. “You’re lying!”

“What exactly do I have to lie about?” He looked me in the eye. “If I wanted your parents dead, I could have it done. I care nothing for humans. However, I do not fancy killing unequal opponents. You know this. I am giving us an opportunity to find even ground.”

I turned and limped away.

“Why are you protecting someone who obviously does not care for you?” He called tauntingly. “There has been no movement, no request for your return. She must know that you have been taken. So why has she not made an attempt to fetch you?”

My hand rested on the wall, and my head bowed forward. There was a tiny voice that was repeating his question. Why had Shiloh not come from me? She had to have heard of Nora’s demise. Would she not wonder what had become of me? Maybe she thought I was dead. No. That was unlikely. Where was she? Where were the others?

“She has no feelings left in her. I killed everything within her.” He sidled beside me, and his voice became annoying sympathetic. “She wishes to propagate her species. That is all. I am sorry to be the one to tell you this. You are just a number to her.”

He reached out and touched my shoulder, which I promptly snatched away from him. “Don’t touch me! I don’t believe a word from your mouth. You are a liar and a monster!”

“Relish in your rose-tinted world while you can, Bella,” he sneered, and his hand encircled my bicep. I was half carried, half dragged back out to the silver table. With no apparent gentleness, he lifted me up and forced me back down. “It is high time we resume our previous conversation.”

My nostrils flared as I stared up at him with as much hate as I was capable of producing. All at once, his strong hand came down toward my stomach, pulling the thin fabric of my shirt up. _No! Not again!_ The fire inside me blazed brightly, and I used all my strength to push off the table. It worked. I sailed at least ten feet into the air, twisting so that I could see the world below me. As gravity claimed my body and pulled me back, I spun my leg out and kicked Constantine’s face. It was a maneuver that Rix had taught me during my training. What I did not realize was the pain that would come from such an action. My leg burned, and I tumbled to the floor in a heap.

“Impressive,” Constantine remarked. He touched the site where I had struck him. “It would appear that the venom has made you into something remarkable. I wonder what a little more would do.”

I was up on my feet, and I quickly made a mad dash for a passageway, but I was stopped before I could reach it. Constantine gripped the back of my head and threw me back toward the center of the room. My body flew through the air and came crashing down, the metal of the table wrapping around me.  I was abruptly lifted in the air by my neck, and I clawed manically at his wrist. My air was cut off, and as the seconds passed, my vision started to darken.

“You are nothing but a worthless sack of meat.” His venomous voice twisted through the air and pierced my ears, making me writhe in agony. The fingers around my throat were like icy daggers. “Did you really think a pitiful human could ever contend with the likes of us? You are even more diluted than Shiloh.”

With that, I was thrown back into my cell, cast aside like a piece of trash. The bars were bent closed. I coughed into my hand, and when I looked down, I grimaced at the blood that had come up.

“Do not leave just yet, my pet,” Constantine called from the opposite side of the bars. “You are needed alive for what is to come.”

He left me there and shut off the lights, plunging me back into darkness.

-

* * *

 

-

I was dreaming. I had to be dreaming. There was no way I could be seeing what I was seeing. Instead of lying, broken and bleeding on a flat, stone surface, I was sitting in Pages. I recognized the layout of the store, as well as the warm, brown shelving that was cut into the walls. There was something different, though. All the books were gone. The shelves were empty, devoid of anything. I swallowed a lump in my throat and pushed forward, trying ignore the hollow feeling spreading through me.

As I walked past the cash register, I noticed all the binders that held past receipts were gone, Nora’s lucky charm—a little, silver ball on a chain—was missing, and just about everything else that should have been there wasn’t. There was a light filtering under the stockroom door, and I ran as fast as I could. I pushed the door opened and gasped.

Nora was sitting at the desk, her back to me. I recognized her brown hair, which hung loose around her shoulders, as well as the purple cardigan she was so fond of. She was here, seeming alive and well. Maybe there was something I could do to keep her here, to make her stay.

“Nora?” I called her name hesitantly, and she promptly turned around. She smiled broadly at me. “You’re here? You’re alive? This has to be a dream.”

“Of course, it is,” she commented, rising from her seat and crossing to me. “You are seeing the one person who will comfort you. Although, why your subconscious chose me, I don’t know.”

“The books are gone,” I said absently. I knew I was gawking at her, but I didn’t care. Seeing her, alive and well, even if it was just a fantasy, was overwhelming. “Everything’s gone.”

“I can only deduce that since this is meant to be some sort of prophetic vision, and given the fact that books are not what you need right now, your brain has omitted them.”

“A prophetic vision? What do you mean?” I shook my head and stared up at her. For some reason she seemed so much taller now.

“I honestly have no idea. Are we really going to stand here and have a philosophical debate as to why the books are gone?” It was a rhetorical question, and I hung my head sheepishly. “No. We’re not. Instead, I am going to ask you the most prevalent question: why are you thinking of betraying Shiloh?”

My neck jerked back indignantly. “I’m not. I’m trying to be strong, even though it hurts. He’s torturing me, Nora.”

“That was what I was trying to protect you from,” she responded in a harsh voice. “I told you to run, but as usual, you didn’t. You stuck around because you were curious. I suppose I don’t have to remind you for the curious cat idiom.”

I shook my head.

“I thought not. What am I going to do with you?” She paced in front of me. “Of course, I recognize that it is not entirely your fault. Those bloodsuckers in Washington really did a number on you, didn’t they? Edward and Alice told you that they didn’t want you, but that’s not your problem, is it? No. They made you believe that you aren’t worthy of love. Am I wrong?”

I bit my lip. I couldn’t say the words. How was it that she could tell me something about Edward and Alice that I had not known myself? I reminded myself that she was a product of my subconscious. In reality, I had known all along. Was that why I had been resisting the Walkers? Is that why I kept them at arm’s length?

“Of course, I’m not wrong, but you are.” She stopped and turned to face me, her brow indented heavily and her nostrils flaring. “What will it take to prove to you that you _are_ worthy? That you are strong enough to be one of us?”

I shook my head. I didn’t know. I had thought that I had moved past the Cullens’ rejection. My hate for them already coursed through my veins, but that wasn’t enough. What more could I do?

“I think I know,” she said, and I raised my head up to meet her gaze. “Close your eyes.”

I frowned in confusion but obeyed her command. My eyelids closed, and as I waited, I felt the wind rush around me. There was a slight dropping sensation, as though I were falling, but it was gone just as quickly as it appeared. I felt solid ground beneath my feet, but it was different. Inhaling deeply, I was filled with the scent of foliage, dirt, and fresh rain.

“Bella.” I knew the voice, and it sent a stabbing pain to my chest. This couldn’t be happening. I opened my eyes. Edward was standing before me. I recognized the outfit he had been wearing at my birthday party, just as I recognized the empty look in his eyes. “I don’t want you to come with me.”

The words came out automatically. My body and mind were numb. “You … don’t … want me?”

“No.”

I stared, uncomprehending, into his eyes, and I felt something inside me shift. His words had caused little to no devastation in me. I stared back at him with a flat, emotionless expression. This was wrong. I should have cared. I should have fought, but instead, I just looked at him. Why didn’t I feel anything?

He looked away into the trees as he spoke again. “Of course, I’ll always love you … in a way. But what happened the other night made me realize that it’s time for a change.”

My eyebrows pulled together as I grew angry. He didn’t love me. Not in any way. He was a cruel, sadistic bastard. I hated him. I hated all of them. My fingers curled into fists, and I ground my teeth together.

“You’re right, Edward.” My voice was firm and echoed through the forest. He stopped speaking, looking shocked. It was borderline hilarious. “It _is_ time for a change. I’m through being afraid. I hate living with this fear that somehow I’m going to be told I’m not good enough again. There was a time when your words would make me close off and wish I didn’t exist, but not anymore. It’s a good thing that you don’t want me, because I don’t want you. I DON’T WANT ANY OF YOU!”

Edward reached out. “Don’t. Don’t do this, Bella.”

“You’re not good for me, Edward,” I spat the words that he had told me once back at him, and I watched as his features contorted in pain. He knelt to the ground, but I didn’t stop. “It’s funny, you were right about one thing. I don’t belong with you. I see that now. But it’s not because you think I should stay human. I was born to hunt you, born to kill you.”

“Bella, please.” Edward reached out to me. “I only wanted—“

The world was starting to become a hazy blur, and I shook my head in an attempt to gain clarity. It wasn’t working. Was I going to wake up? I didn’t want to. In this world, I was fearless, I was not the weak human I had been. I wanted to stay like this. Somehow I knew that when I awoke, all the cowardice would return.

“I don’t want to go!” I shouted. “I don’t want to be afraid!”

“Then don’t be.” The visage of Edward pulled back, and I was once again standing before Nora. The wind picked up, tossing the branches from side to side in an angry display.  “Leave your fear behind you. You can do it.”

“How?” I had to shout of the roar of the wind. “Please tell me.”

“Remember this moment. Remember and hold on to it. Feel it coursing through you. Taste it in the air you breathe. It is your freedom from fear. It is yours. Take it. You are released from it. Now say it.”

I muttered, “I am not afraid.”

“Louder.”

My voice grew firmer. “I am not afraid.”

“I said louder!”

“I AM NOT AFRAID!”

-

* * *

 

-

My eyelids pulled back, revealing the stone ceiling of the prison, which would probably become my tomb, but I didn’t care. I sat up, wincing at the pain that shot through every part of me, and I gazed out of the bars. I tried to find the familiar pangs of worry and doubt, but they were gone. I leaned back against the wall and took a deep breath. My head was slightly hazy from a mixture of sleep and a possible concussion, but other than that, I was fine. I was not afraid.

The lights were suddenly turned on, and I blinked quickly and turned away from the blinding light. As my eyes got used to it, I turned to find Constantine standing outside my cage. He was smirking at me.

“Good evening, Bella,” he whispered. “Did you have a pleasant slumber?”

I rose from my position and limped over to him. I took a deep breath, and when I spoke, my voice was hollow. “Very pleasant.”

“That is wonderful to hear.” He quirked an eyebrow, possibly at my emptiness. “I have just received news, my dear. My masters have generously offered permission to turn you. If you are to aid us in the capture and elimination of Shiloh, then we will grant you immortality. You will never have to grow old, you shall be among friends, and you will be royalty. You will be a princess among our people. Anything that you desire shall instantly be granted.

“I have also been instructed to inform you that, unless you are willing to offer your cooperation, you are to be executed in the slowest, most painful way imaginable. And just so you know, I am extremely creative with it comes to such tasks. Think about it, Bella. You have the chance to be young and beautiful forever. Why suffer for a species that is all but extinct? All you have to do is answer my questions, and tell me where I may find the daughter of Oren. Do you understand?”

“Yes.”

He smirked. “Are you ready to cooperate with me? To answer my questions?”

I lifted my eyes to his. I was emotionless. I was blank. I was not afraid. “No.”

The twisted pleasure in his eyes pulled away, and he looked absolutely livid. “Do you honestly believe she can hide forever? I will find her, and I will send her screaming from this world into the next!”

I smirked. “Then why are you wasting time with me?”

“You’re right,” he snarled. In a quick motion, he ripped three of the bars away and hurled them across the room. I gasped slightly as he reached in and pulled me out. “This will not be over quickly.”

He tucked me under his arm and marched back to the silver table. I closed my eyes and found my memories of Nora. This is where I would be, this is where I would stay. No matter what he did to me, I would be happy here. As I was thrown roughly onto the table, I took a deep breath and smiled up at the ceiling. _No more fear._

“My brother.” The chiming voice of Tabitha cut through the air. “We have found her.”

The fear returned, but it wasn’t over my own imminent death. It was for Shiloh. Had they captured her? Was she dead? No. She couldn’t be dead. The idea was unthinkable. Impossible. I was certain that, if they had her in their grips, Constantine would want to have her. He wouldn’t waste the opportunity to kill her himself.

“Where is she?” Constantine moved away from me.

“She has been seen on the outskirts, moving through the shadows.” Tabitha’s gaze flickered to me. “I have an idea, if you would like to hear it.”

“And what is that?” He crossed his arms over his chest.

Tabitha leaned in and whispered to him. I couldn’t hear what was being said, but the way Constantine’s face twisted with happiness made the hair on the back of my neck stand on edge. What was she telling him? Whatever it was, he was clearly pleased.

“That is a rather interesting notion, my dear sister. You are most certainly right. Thank you for that,” he cooed and stroked her cheek. When she turned and disappeared, he crossed to where I was lying and leaned over me. “I always prefer to look at the glass as half full, my dear. There is always an alternative to every failing. My sister has just thought of a better use for you.”

I squared my shoulders. “What is that?”

Would they keep me as a slave? Keep me alive just so they could drain my blood continuously?

“My lovely sister, Tabitha, has just left to draw up a letter that will be sent to Shiloh. We will test her loyalty to you.” He smile widened as I felt all the blood drain from my face. “We shall let her decide. She shall die for you—or you shall die for her.”

 


	25. Chapter Twenty-Five

Chapter Twenty Five

The oil-stained concrete glowed in the moonlight, and for a second, it looked as though we were walking amongst the stars. It was an illusion, of course. In reality, I was being forced through the shipyard area of Jacksonville, Florida, to be used as bait for Shiloh. My stomach twisted with each step I took, and I held on to the hope that she wouldn’t come. If the future of the Walkers depended on me dying, then I would gladly step in. I would take the fall, and I would do it willingly.

I struggled to find my footing, and like so many times before, I stumbled forward. An icy hand reached out and steadied me, pulling me back roughly. I growled in response to the physical contact but ultimately kept my thoughts to myself. We had been walking for nearly ten minutes, and I had already come close to falling three times. It wasn’t entirely my fault. There wasn’t an adequate light source, and the ground was slick with what was probably oil. For once, my clumsiness was not my fault.

Not including Constantine and Tabitha, there were about ten Volturi guards. They were a force of nature and moved with pageantry, with a kind of deadly beauty. Their pace was slow but deliberate, with no hurry, no tension, no anxiety. It was the pace of the invincible. They came with one specific purpose: to destroy.

The six, self-appointed lords of the area shuffled close behind. Each of them had brought their own personal bodyguard, totaling their number to twelve. Compared to the Volturi with their flowing robes, the lords looked somewhat out of place. Dressed like your everyday bankers, lawyers, and businessmen, they glanced around the area nervously. They were an angry mob, whipped to a frenzy and slavering for justice, but there was fear there also. They had never challenged the Walkers in the past—not that I knew of, anyway—and it was clear that doing so now made them anxious. _No. It’s more than that._ Their sideways glances and continuous whispers told me that they were afraid.  

Constantine marched regally ahead of the pack, his cape billowing in the breeze that rolled off the ocean. I had no idea where he was taking us. After announcing his intentions, there had been no hint of a destination. He had merely led me out of the torture room and into the arms of the vampire that was currently holding me hostage. I glared up at him now, but he ignored me. They all ignored me. Why they felt I needed a guard at all was beyond me. Did they actually thing I could escape?

The smell of metal, oil, and rust filled my nose as we moved deeper into the yard, which made me cough and gag a little.  I gasped as the clouds cleared and cast the full moonlight on the area. On the right, a series of large, massive tankers, held to the pier by gigantic chains, hovered in the dark waters. Large storage bins lined the left side. They were multicolored and covered with different company names. Why had Constantine led us here? Was it because it was far from humanity, and the vampires could conduct their business in peace, or was it something else?

“Stop here,” he said firmly and motioned with his right hand. “Bring her up.”

I was half dragged, half carried up to the front, and when the guardsman brushed against the wound on my back, I squealed in pain. He ignored me again. I was presented to Constantine, and he turned to me, the tips of his mouth pulled up into the most sadistic smirk he’d shown me yet.

“My dear Bella,” he cooed and rested his hand on my shoulder. The chill that shot through me had been soothing at one time. It felt like another lifetime when Edward’s icy touch had ironically made me flush with heat. No longer. “I am so sorry you are in distress. It is almost over, I assure you.”

I took a deep breath and squared my shoulders. “You and I both know that isn’t true, Constantine.”

He beamed at my repetition of his words, his head cocking slightly to the left. “You are the most willful human I have ever encountered. Why is it, if you don’t mind me asking, that you would choose death over eternal life?”

“If living forever means betraying those I love,” I stammered over a particularly violent batch of throbbing from my back, “then I would rather die.”

He laughed in a condescending manner. “How noble, and yet, have you asked yourself if Shiloh would do the same for you? Do you believe she would bring her species to an end for one, pathetic human?”

I shook my head. “No. She won’t, that’s why this is a waste of time. You should kill me now.”

He was thoroughly amused by my words. “Do you really have so little faith in your ceannaire? Do you doubt that she will try to rescue you?”

“She can find another receptor,” I said simply, shrugging. “She knows it, and so do I.”

With an untroubled smile, he reached over and cupped my cheek. He had thankfully chosen the one that didn’t look like a crater. The touch of his skin made me angry, and I fought the urge to bite him. “It is strange that I have more faith in Shiloh than you. Perhaps it is because I know the depths of her loyalty. I have seen her fight, almost to the death, for those she loves. I know her.”

“Shiloh doesn’t love me.” It was difficult to get the words out, but I managed regardless. “She doesn’t even trust me. She said so herself.”

His eyebrows shot up, and for a moment, I could have sworn he looked shocked. Apparently, he had not entertained the idea that I was not close to Shiloh on any level. Rather than continue to look surprised, he recovered his bemused expression and clasped his hands together.”And she never lies, does she?”

I ignored his attempts to fill me with despair, and instead, I tried to focus on the positives. Even though I was going to suffer arguably one of the most painful deaths in the history of mankind, the Walkers were going to endure. That wasn’t all, though. Renee and Phil would survive, as well. Perhaps—I couldn’t believe I was daring to hope this—Shiloh would still honor her promise to keep them safe. Although I fantasized that she would, I knew it was unlikely. With the Volturi in town, the only plausible outcome was for Shiloh and the others to leave town.

The absence of the Walkers, however, meant one thing: the end of fuil aimsir. The streets of Jacksonville would run red, and the carnage would be incalculable. Perhaps the Volturi would keep them in line for a short time, but it would inevitably lead to anarchy.

Constantine was in my line of sight again, his smile twisting into something sickly sweet. “Bella, I believe you and I have gotten off on the wrong foot.”

In spite of the knowledge that I was going to be gruesomely killed, I managed to keep my expression vacant, and yet somewhat sarcastic. “Well, you _did_ just torture me and kill my best friend.”

“You see a monster before you, an unfeeling creature who wants nothing more than to destroy the Walkers, to blot them out from the world.” He steepled his hands and gazed at me with sympathetic eyes. “I find no pleasure in exterminating a species.”

I gave him a pointed stare. “You torture me, and the only reason you want Shiloh here is to kill her. Forgive me if I think you’re full of it.”

“I only wish to end her suffering,” he replied, touching my shoulder with both his hands. I shrugged off his touch. “Can you imagine? She has been alone for a long time. She must be so lonely.”

There was a tiny pool of blood in my mouth. I spat it out at him, and he closed his eyes as it splattered against his face. He looked angry for only a moment before he smiled broadly. Slowly, he wiped the blood away and proceeded to lick it from his hand.

“Tasty,” he mused, and his expression darkened. His eyebrows pulled together, although he still maintained his sinister grin. “I will enjoy our time together, Bella. You will scream. You will beg me to stop. And in the end, I will break you.”

I opened my mouth to tell him that he could try, but I was silenced when he reached over and slapped me. I yelped at the pain that spread through my fractured cheek, and he chuckled. With that, he turned and stalked away.

Constantine and the others stood there, waiting to see if Shiloh would emerge. I stood beside them, patiently waiting for the moment when he would realize that she would not be coming, for the moment when he would kill me. No. He would torture me, brutally, inhumanely, and then, _then_ he would kill me. I closed my eyes and swallowed the lump in my throat. I would not be afraid. I would be strong. If not for myself, then for Shiloh, and for Nora.

What felt like an hour ticked by, and there was neither sight nor sound of Shiloh. The wind whipped through the shipyard, bringing the foul stench of rust and metal under my nose, and the moon rose higher overhead. Still, nothing.

“There is no sign of her,” Tabitha remarked to Constantine. “I do not believe she will come.”

 “How quickly you lose faith, sister,” he hissed and shook his head. “She will come.”

Perhaps it was because I was feeling empowered, or maybe because, knowing I was going to die anyway, I felt I should go out with a bang. Whatever it was, I found myself taunting Constantine. “Why did you have to amass this arsenal? Huh? Why couldn’t you have just found her and taken care of her yourself?”

He turned slowly, the irritation on his face evident. “I beg your pardon?”

Breathily, I said, “Why do you need the backup? Why can’t you just fight her on your own? Are you afraid?”

“Afraid?” He laughed loudly and mockingly, before he snagged my right shoulder. His nails were moments away from piercing my skin, but he relinquished me before any damage could be done. “What could I possibly have to be afraid of? I have defeated her once, dear Bella. I can certainly do it again.”

I shook my head and reminded him, “The Walkers get stronger with age. It has been over three hundred years since you encountered her. You know she’s much stronger than before. That’s why you brought these others. You’re scared of her.”

He chuckled and waved his hand in the air, dismissing my comments. “You know nothing. You hold that insipid creature on a pedestal when she is no different than me. She hunts my people, sometimes for sustenance, sometimes for sport. Does that make her a monster in your eyes? I’m sorry that I just happen to be the _wrong_ kind of monster.”

He didn’t give me a chance to respond.

“I will show you what true power is,” he growled ferociously. “I promise you, Bella, you will be aching for death by the end.”

My lips turned up into a smile on their own. “You’re wasting time.”

“You—" He lifted his hand to strike me again, but right as he was about to let loose, he froze. His words were cut off by an exclamation of surprise. My gaze whipped around, trying to see what he was seeing, but all I saw was darkness. He spun me around and pointed to a particularly dark section of the pier. Through the dark shadows cast by the storage units in the moonlight, walking steadily toward us with a determined gait was Shiloh. “You were saying, my dear?”

“No!” I couldn’t stop the cry from pouring out of my lips.

My pulse thrummed through my entire body as my heart pounded in my chest. As Shiloh advanced on us, my eyes were wide. Why was she here? Why was she not running away with the others? Shiloh had made a point of telling me that she did not trust me, so why would she be risking her life to save me? I shuddered as two Volturi guards flanked her, reaching out and grabbing her biceps, restraining her. What was going to happen?

Constantine’s laughter echoed. “Welcome, Aoife, daughter of Oren! We have been expecting you—or do you go by Shiloh now?”

The Volturi guardsmen laughed along with him, but the lords remained silent. They hung their heads, trying not to look at her, and they shuffled away as she approached. In fact, the closer she came, the further they retreated. Even with the Volturi here, they were still fearful. How was it that Shiloh could instill such fear in vampires?

Now that she was closer, I realized that she was wearing the traditional hunting gear for the Walkers. Nora had worn it once, and I had laughed. It had looked so outlandish; I couldn’t believe anyone would actually wear it. Now, as I observed the black leather outfit, tied at the sides of her torso, arms, and legs with corset lacing, I did not laugh. She looked strong and fierce, a warrior ready to do battle.

Only she wasn’t here to fight. She was here to die.

Constantine led Shiloh and those holding her over to me, but she paid me no mind. She held her head high as she was positioned in front of the lords, all who avoided her gaze, but her eyes were glued on Constantine. There was no emotion there, no sign that she was aware she would die tonight, but I was sure that she knew, regardless.

“Why are you here?” I called softly to her, the tears streaming down my cheeks. “I didn’t want you to come.”

“My brothers and sisters,” Constantine said, his voice resonating through the immediate area. He gestured wildly and bowed to Shiloh. “We are fortunate to be in the presence of royalty. May I present to you Lady Aoife, daughter to the first hunter of our kind, Oren. You are considered a princess, are you not?”

She finally spoke. “To whom one is born should not designate the role of leadership. Loyalty is an earned gift, not a birthright.”

He extended his arms and purred, “How can you argue with such humbleness? Oren has trained you well.”

I cast a murderous glare at him, but he ignored me. I wished I could pull Shiloh aside and force her to leave, but even if I could shake my vampire guard, something told me she wouldn’t listen to me. My shoulders sagged forward, and another fresh round of tears spilled down my cheeks.

“How long has it been since we last saw one another?” He cocked his head to the side, and amusement flashed in his smile. He was enjoying this. “Three hundred years?”

“Three hundred and three years,” Shiloh answered in her typical monotone voice. It didn’t escape me how her eyes flared when he started laughing. “It has been a long time.”

“Yes. It has.” He took a deep breath. “Now the question remains. What to do with you. I am a little put out at the moment, to be honest. You are an enemy, one that has been a thorn in my masters’ sides for many, many years. Lord Aro wants your head on a silver plate, literally. However, I have convinced him to accept you into the Volturi. You will have to be turned first.”

My hands curled into fists, and my nostrils flared. Turning a Walker into a vampire was considered the highest form of disrespect and blasphemy. The only reason Nora had been allowed to live was because Shiloh had cared so deeply for her. However, the idea of Shiloh being anything other than a Walker was unthinkable.

“I am very serious,” He continued, starting to pace. “If you were any other, I would simply kill you. However, I know you, Daughter of Oren. You do not fear death. You welcome it. What would be a more fitting punishment than to turn you into the very thing you hate?”

Shiloh stepped forward, but the guards held firm. “Your masters would enslave me as they have you, Constantine. I would rather take my chances in the afterlife.”

His smile grew more sinister, and he reached out and ran his hand through Shiloh’s hair, cupping her cheek when he was through. “You can do away with your false courage. You are broken, Aoife. I crushed you many years ago, and rest assured, I can do it again. All that remains is your body, a hollow, empty shell—and although it will hardly be as exciting to break, I will try to enjoy it. When you finally accept the depth of your failure—not just the children you failed to save, but your entire species—when you forget what it was to love and be loved, then I will kill you.”

My body started to shake, and I felt a mass of strength return to me. I reached up and yanked away the hand blocking my mouth. “He didn’t kill you before, Shiloh! He knows he can’t kill you on his own. That’s why he has all these reinforcements! He’s as scared of you now as he was three hundred years ago—as he should be!”

Constantine strode across the distance separating us, and just as Shiloh was about to meet my gaze, he blocked her from me. Leaning down, he wrapped his hand around my arm and pulled me roughly to him. I struggled against his hold but he was unrelenting. He walked in the opposite direction, dragging me behind, and when he had cleared the group, he pushed me to the ground.

My back and cheek throbbed mercilessly, threatening to freeze me in that state of pain and agony. There was something more important, though. I had to keep it together, at least for a little longer.

“I have never encountered such a willful human before,” he said, clearly annoyed by my outburst. “I am a man of my word, Bella. You are free to leave. You may go and die in the way and time that best suits you. Please do not begrudge me when I say we shall not meet again.”

He hovered over me for a few seconds, before turning and heading back toward Shiloh. My nostrils flared, and I slowly sat up and watched him move away from me. I couldn’t let him kill her, but what could I do? My strength was waning at a steady pace, and soon, I would be too weak to stand.

“I recall our first meeting with rapt enthusiasm,” Constantine chimed to Shiloh. “It was the most intoxicating event of my immortal life.”

“Is that so?” Shiloh looked unimpressed, bored even.

“Indeed.” His posture changed drastically. “What say we … give it another go, yeah?”

With an elegant movement, he lifted his right foot and planted it on her chest. The vampires that had been restraining her arms released her immediately. I watched in pained silence as she sailed backward and hit the concrete with a rough thud, a splintering crack extending out from where she had landed. She was on her feet in the blink of an eye, and a good thing, too, because that was the moment Constantine struck. He flew through the air like a bullet, crashing into her midsection. When they tumbled to the ground, Constantine seized the opportunity and secured her head in his hands. He beat Shiloh’s head against the ground twice, but it was a fruitless effort. Like his own, Shiloh’s body was too strong to be broken by concrete.

“I will not make the same mistake twice,” he roared and lifted her up. Why wasn’t she fighting him? “You _will_ die this night. The phoenix shall not rise from the ashes a second time.”

He pulled his arm back, and his fist connected with her face. She stumbled back but regained her composure quickly. She was choosing not to defend herself. She was actually sacrificing herself. As he fell upon her again, she crumbled to the floor, but this time, she did not get up.

“Shiloh! Get up!” I called out to her. “Damnit! Fight! Don’t do this! Please! Fight!” As they fell from my lips, I knew that my words were useless.

As I struggled to my feet, my eyes caught sight of the brutalization before me. Constantine was sitting on top of Shiloh now. He had her shoulders pinned with his knees, and he was inflicting blow after blow with his fists. The scent of blood overwhelmed me, and I noticed a trail of red seeping from her lip. There was also a cut above her left eye that was starting to drip red. She was offering herself up as a lamb for the lion. She would not protect herself.

_This is my fault. Nora’s death, and now Shiloh’s … it's my fault._ The tears ran down my cheeks again as I regarded myself with such horror. My presence was poisonous. Edward had once joked that I was a danger-magnet. It was only then, when I was faced with the destruction of another soul, that I realized how true his words were. I brought pain and suffering to everyone I loved. The violence against Shiloh and Nora was just a physical manifestation of it.

Constantine pulled back and let out an angry roar. He stood up, pulling Shiloh up by her neck, and he sneered, “This is your rightful position, Daughter of Oren. You are at my mercy, always. _Thou art weighed in the balance_.” He brought his head to hers with a sickly crunch, before allowing her to drop to the ground. “ _And art found wanting_.”

She did not move, and I felt something inside me tighten. Resolve. Angry resolve. Intolerance.

He stood over Shiloh. “You have failed again, Aoife. You blame me for the deaths of your children, but your anger is misplaced. If you wish to see the one responsible, you need only look in the mirror.”

My heart exploded with fury, and a surge of adrenaline pumped through my veins. All the pain and stiffness left my body, and I was able to rise. Moving at a speed I had never achieved before, I crossed the distance between myself and Constantine, and right as he bent down to grab her, to do God knows what, I was on him. An inhuman screech came from my lungs as I jumped on his back. He was taken by surprise, and before he could pull me off, I raked my hands across his face.

I wasn’t sure what I had expected to happen, but I certainly didn’t expect my nails to tear thick fissures across his face. He screeched and dumped me off his back before he turned and cupped his wounded head in his hands. Venom dripped down his chin and hit the concrete. I crawled over to Shiloh, who was still on the ground, and I touched her cheek. It was something I had never done before and would probably never do again. Her eyes opened slightly, and for a few moments, we just stared at one another.

I shook my head. “Why are you doing this?”

A loud, bellowing shout came from behind me, and I turned to find Constantine cradling his head. “My face! You half-breed bitch!”

He was beside me, lifting me up by my neck, before I could register his movement. I stared into his hateful glare, reciprocating it with my own. The next few moments floated by in slow motion.  With an angry curse, he hurled me through the air forcefully. The world spun slowly before my eyes, and I felt my body sail through the air like a Frisbee. I only had enough time to recognize Shiloh’s voice as she called my name, before I crashed to the pavement in a sickening crunch.

The stitches that Tabitha had given me split open, and I could feel the rough concrete digging into my wounds. I cried out, and try as I had, I could not find it in me to move. The weariness caused by the blood loss had found its way to me, and with the sight of Shiloh, broken and bloody before me, the spark of fury I had felt ignited into a hatred so deep, it was almost impossible to contain. Somewhere within me, despite the tired feeling washing over me, all the anger and rage was compiling into one massive burst. It was coming. The explosion was imminent.

“She’ll live,” Constantine said, and it sounded as though he were somewhat disappointed by that fact. As I shifted on my side, I noticed him motion to one of the Volturi guards. He promptly turned back to Shiloh. “There is no glory to be found in slaying you. I will give you a quick death. The one you deserve.”

The Guard he had gestured to approached, a small, rectangular box nestled in his hands. With a snap of Constantine’s fingers, two other vampires seized Shiloh’s arms and hauled her to a standing position while he opened the box. From it, he retrieved an ornate, intricate dagger. Its blade was about eight inches long, and the hilt was gold with multicolored jewels encrusted in the handle. It was beautiful yet deadly. Why was it present? What good would it serve?

Constantine started speaking, and I realized that my hearing was fading. I pulled myself along the dirty ground, trying to hear. Almost as if he noticed my attempts, his voice grew louder.

He spoke in another language, which sounded similar to Latin; however, he was quick to translate. “The Blade of Life, my brothers and sisters. Two hundred years ago, my masters perfected the art of weapons manufacturing. This is one of the four daggers created out of the venom of vampires. It is the sharpest blade in existence. Its purpose”—he turned to Shiloh—“is to kill immortals.”

_No!!_ I had lost the power of speech, my vocal chords rendered silent by the immense pain I was enduring. I fruitlessly reached out toward Shiloh, but my heart broke as I realized there was no way I could reach her. Even if I could somehow ignore the fact that my back was on the verge of hemorrhaging, my fingers were broken, and I was certain my shoulder had dislocated when I had hit the ground, there was no way I could defeat Constantine. Even with my improved strength and speed, I was no match for him.

“I wish to extend you one more chance, Aoife,” Constantine said, lowering the blade. “You will be spared if you agree to join us. Aro seems to think you may have a quantifiable talent.”

“Where would he get such an idea,” Shiloh’s voice was rough and jagged, stunted.

“I am unsure,” he remarked skeptically. “Eleanora had a mighty powerful one. We also have it on good authority that the ability to detect honesty is an inherited trait among the Walkers.”

“It is inherited,” Shiloh admitted, but quickly added, “by a few. They are, of course, not with us.”

“Pity,” he sneered. “Perhaps you would like to give us a demonstration.”

There was a moment of silence, and I actually found myself hanging on to every second. I had never seen Nora, Rix, or Shiloh use their gifts, and I would have been lying if I had said there wasn’t a part of me that desired to. After experiencing Jasper, Edward, and Alice, I was curious to know what else was out there.

The wind swept through, and just when I thought Shiloh was quietly refusing his request, something strange happened.

“Why Lord Aro has objected to kill you, boggles me.” Constantine looked flustered for a moment, before he continued speaking. “Your kind is nothing more than a cancer upon the world, an imperfection. You could never be of service to us.”

He stumbled backward, his hand across his mouth. I gaped. From his reaction, it seemed as though Shiloh had the ability to force the truth from others. That was a significant ability. If the Volturi were the lawmakers, they would require someone who could distinguish between fact and fiction.

Constantine had little time to recover before it started again. “These local lords are ridiculous. As if they could ever truly own this city. The world belongs to us and us alone. This ridiculous land grabbing will not go unpunished.”

He lashed out, striking Shiloh across the cheek, and for a second, I could have sworn I heard her laugh. It was a sarcastic chuckle, one that was distinctly female in tone. However, the sound stopped immediately as Constantine brandished the blade in her direction, reminding her how she was at his mercy.

I suddenly felt the curious urge to run, to flee from the scene. Self-preservation was setting in. My eyes danced around the area, looking for possible escape routes, but I stopped them in their tracks. Even if there was nothing I could do, I would stay. I would not let Shiloh die alone in the dark. I would not let Constantine condemn her to darkness again. I would do anything and everything I could.

My left hand had gone completely numb. Against my better judgment, I glanced down and was sickened by the sight of my disfigurement. One of my fingers was jutting out at a right angle, while the other was curled in a position similar to the letter S. Both fingers were turning a bluish black color, and that color seemed to be moving up my hand.

I turned away; I couldn’t think of that now.

It hurt a lot, but I pulled myself across the pavement toward Shiloh. The asphalt scraped against my skin, and I could feel the twinges of pain in my broken fingers. There was some life left there. I hissed from the sudden pain and noticed a trail of blood seeping behind me. The wound on my back must have been worse than I had previously thought.

Constantine, in the meantime, had recovered from Shiloh’s ability, but he was furious. Perhaps it was because she had taken his control away from him. Whatever the reason, he paced back and forth, ridiculing and cursing her in a different language.  When Shiloh responded in a harsh tone, I realized that he was speaking her language—the language of the Walkers. How did he know it?

With a sharp laugh, he swiped the dagger out and slashed her left arm. A line of red oozed out and dripped down her bicep. The sight of the injury made me cry out on the inside. Where was Dex? Where were the others? Why weren’t they here to save her? Had she told them not to? How could they stand in the shadows and watch—something told me they were watching—while someone they professed to love was brutalized?

My head was starting to get cloudy. The dim electrical lighting, which came from crudely mounted construction lanterns, grew darker and not because the bulbs were going out. I was dying. I was losing too much blood. Something had to be done, but I couldn’t find the will to care.

“Before we continue,” Constantine said. “We must first ascertain any whereabouts of other Walkers—pureblood or receptor.”

Shiloh sighed. “It is impossible to know the whereabouts of any receptors, particularly if they are unturned. You know this. My ancestors were very liberal with their affections. There could be bloodlines all over the world. You cannot know who is and who is not without testing each person. It is a fruitless effort, regardless, considering there are no purebloods left to turn them.”

“You were planning on turning Bella, were you not?” He pointed to me, and Shiloh’s eyes momentarily cut to mine.

“I offered her a choice,” Shiloh remarked, and she bowed her head slightly. “She refused.”

I shook my head, feeling remorseful of my actions. Why had I let Edward chase me from Forks? If I had stayed, then Shiloh and the others would still be safe. She wouldn’t be facing death head on. It was true; I ruined everything that I touched. My gaze turned white hot as I stared at Constantine’s smug look. It wasn’t entirely my fault.

The vampires—their kind—were accountable for this devastation and ruin. They were a plague on the human world, an existence that never should have been, monsters, regardless of how well they mimicked the humans they lived among. My grief and sorrow over Edward and the Cullens had given birth to the growing anger and hate. It spread through my being, consuming me.

“The bodies of your father and mother were never found,” Constantine said lowly. “Where are they?”

“They were killed in the catacombs,” she responded quickly. “They would be ashes by the time you searched.”

“I do not believe you.” He shook his head. “I believe they are here, and you are protecting them.”

She cocked her head to the side. “As though I would need to protect my father. He has my strength ten times over.”

“Then why is it that he was killed,” Constantine crossed to her, “and you were not?”

My vision was failing me, but I could hear her. There was humor in her voice, almost as though she were enjoying tormenting him. “I battled a weaker opponent.”

He struck her hard, her head whipping to the side, and her cheek split. Another line of red blotted her pale skin. She shouldn’t have had to do this. She should not have been taking the beating that was meant for me.

“Shiloh!” I coughed on a bit of blood. Constantine paused, and for the first time, she put her entire focus on me. “You don’t have to do this. Please? You’ve already saved me in ways you’ll never know. You don’t have to die for me.”

Her voice was strong when she called, “I could neither live with my actions, nor look into another human’s face were I not to stand here.”

“No!” I shook my head. “I’m not worth it! You can find another receptor! I’m nobody, no one! Is this because of Nora? Do you feel guilty?”

“Guilt has nothing to do with my decision,” Shiloh answered. “I would care for no other now that I have known you.”

She turned away from those holding her arms, and she bent regally at the waist. With their hands still on her, she crossed her arms atop her chest as she bowed. I knew that bow. I had admired Nora as she demonstrated it. It signified endless friendship and undying loyalty. My heart swelled, and I struggled to stand, failing miserably. She merely shook her head and turned away from me.

“Please, Shiloh!” I cried to no one in particular. “Fight back!”

That was the moment when Constantine chose to interfere. He sped over to me, moving so fast that I couldn’t keep up, and his hand came down hard on my torso. I felt the moment my rib cage compressed, and while I wanted to howl in pain, I found breathing to be difficult.

“Leave her be!” Shiloh’s voice echoed through the air, but I was too consumed by the sharp, needle-like pain that cut through me.

Constantine sneered down at me as I started to scream in a hoarse voice. “That’s enough of that, dear Bella.”

A loud, bellowing grunt filled the silence. Constantine responded, “Do not snarl at me, Aoife! Your receptor is the one who has put herself in such a predicament! I offered her the chance to leave peacefully, and she has spit in the face of my generosity. Her suffering is of her own making.”

I wanted to tell myself to be quiet, to shut up, that I needed to concentrate. If I was going to survive, I needed to focus. Then it hit me: I wasn’t going to survive. Maybe, just maybe, that wasn’t a bad thing. It was difficult to picture a death as anything other than tragic, but this was different. Wasn’t it?

Constantine stalked back toward Shiloh, but for the first time since her arrival, he addressed the lords.

“Is _this_ what you are afraid of?” He shouted, gesturing to Shiloh with the knife still in his hands. There were a few, unintelligible murmurs, but other than that, his words were met with nothing. “This creature that refuses to protect herself, that stands there as a willing puppet?”

I lay on my stomach, listening with a broken heart as he denounced Shiloh’s strength and rebuked them as weak minded. Tears spilled down my cheeks as I realized there was nothing I could do to save her.

Darkness claimed me, and I strayed from thought. The lights from the city were obscuring the starlight, but I did manage to see one. Despite all the factors that were warring against that one speck, it still shone in all its brilliance. How a light source that was billions, maybe even trillions, of miles away could contend with the city lights and still manage to be seen was amazing. I felt dizzy, lightheaded, and as my eyes started to close, the star seemed to burn brighter. Was that even possible, or was it in my head?

The sounds around me—the lapping of the water against the pier, the wind blowing through the storage bins, Constantine enjoying the sound of his own voice—were starting to dull. It was as though someone were turning down the volume of the world. Everything was meshing together, creating an inaudible roar that was diminishing. Soon, it became a melodic lullaby that was lulling me into complacency. I could feel my heart starting to slow, and I was powerless to stop it.

“On this day, this day of reckoning, I will deliver you from your fears, brothers and sisters! I will remove the oppressive bonds that this creature has laid upon you,” Constantine’s voice boomed. The power that he held resonated in his voice, and I was sure that the crowd was captivated. “The line of the Walkers will finally be brought to an end. You, Aoife, believe that this carnage will end with you, but that is far from the truth. We shall investigate every rumor, every story, and we shall stamp out the blaze that your kind has started. The very mention of your species will bring about the strictest of punishments. We will remove your memory and your legacy from this world. No one will remember your name. You shall be forgotten.”

My eyes popped open. _No._

“I know there are others of your kind still in existence,” he lauded. “I will find them, and I will send them screaming into the next life!”

My heart started to pump harder, faster. _No._

For a moment, I was taken back to that room in the Under Passage, where Constantine had tortured me needlessly. He had insisted that the younglings had attacked him. Why would they do that? As I lay there, listening to that arrogant zealot preaching about the end of the Walkers, it came to me. They fought because they loved her. Unconditionally. Even as small they were, they were willing to die for her.

“The Walkers will be a myth,” Constantine continued, “but more importantly, they will be regarded as an aberration, a mistake. Something that was never meant to exist.”

My head was swooning, and as I slowly found my footing, the world twisted and turned beneath me. It briefly reminded me of the first time I had tried alcohol. At Renee and Phil’s wedding, I had been given the opportunity to try champagne for the first time. It had tickled my nose, and I had been rendered speechless by the taste. Not knowing much about how alcohol could affect an inexperienced drinker, I had swallowed an entire glass full. Twenty minutes later, I was stumbling, confused why my vision was dancing back and forth. It was strange.

My feet were flat on the ground, and slowly, I uncoiled my body. I stood up straight, regardless of the pain shooting through me, and I locked my eyes on the ground ahead of me. Constantine was pointing the blade right at Shiloh. There was no other option. I knew what I had to do.

“This ends tonight.” Constantine turned his back to Shiloh and repositioned the blade in his hand. He was going to do it. He was going to sweep back and plunge the blade into her heart, killing her instantly.

_No!_ My heartbeat thundered in my chest, and I took a single step forward. When I didn’t fall on my face, I took another, and then another. I put every ounce of anger, fury, and most importantly, fear for Shiloh into my steps. My feet pounded against the concrete, and yet, I heard nothing. No sound. I was absolutely silent. Like a ghost, or a shadow. The world around me turned into a dark blur, but I was hardly paying attention. I was focused on Shiloh. There was only a small window of opportunity, and I wasn’t sure I would make it.

Deftly, I moved at the fastest speed I had ever achieved, only a tad slower than a vampire. In spite of how much my legs screamed at me to stop, I kept moving. I had to. I couldn’t stop. Not yet. Not until—

I stopped in front of Shiloh. Her eyes lit up with surprise and shock, as did the guards holding her.

“Kill him for me…for us” I whispered my last words desperately, and then I felt Constantine’s blade slip into my back and explode from my chest. The last thing I heard as my world fell to darkness was a heart wrenching, mournful cry. I only barely recognized the voice.

It was Shiloh. 


	26. Chapter Twenty-Six

Chapter Twenty Six

Shiloh had been prepared to die that night. She had accepted her fate willingly, knowing that it was the right course of action. It was the only course of action. In spite of how much the others had contested her decision, she had still left them in the under dwelling. Regardless of how much Declan had stomped his feet and attempted to stop her, she made the journey to the Jacksonville shipyards with a smile on her face.

She had not been prepared for this.

Bella’s body crumbled to the ground, the hilt of the Volturi’s dagger glinting wickedly from where it was lodged in her back. Her face was pale from all the blood loss she had sustained, and the rapid decrease in her heartbeat told Shiloh that Bella would not survive the night. She stared in horror at the tiny human that had confused, and yet endeared her, resting at her feet. The spirit and honor that Bella had shown was beyond any measure. She had given her life for Shiloh. Even though they were not bonded by a ceannaire-subordinate relationship, she had sacrificed herself willingly. Such a deed could not go unnoticed.

“You cannot hold me accountable for that,” Constantine remarked in an unfeeling voice. His eyes cut to Bella’s unmoving form several times. Knowing that it was his hand that had struck down the human made him uneasy. He hadn’t heard her approach and had no idea that she was shielding Shiloh. “I gave her every opportunity to leave, and she did not.”

Shiloh’s head rose steadily. Her gaze pierced into the vampire that had taken everything from her so long ago, which made him fidget nervously. Bella was right; Constantine was afraid. The Volturi guards tightened their grip on her biceps as she tried to step forward. In the blink of an eye, she broke their grasp, seized them both in a headlock, and decapitated them. Hardly two seconds had passed during the exchange. Constantine gasped at the quickness of the attack, and his confidence drained from him. Shiloh was much faster than he remembered—much, much more.

“Do you honestly believe you can defeat us?” The vampires rallied around him. Even the lords, who were looking for any opportunity to flee, were remaining on his side. “Who will help you? You are alone!”

A loud, bellowing cry echoed through the shipyard, and the vampires snapped their heads to the left as Declan jumped from where he had been hiding. Shiloh had told him to stay away, but he hadn’t. He had wanted to be with her straight to the end. Now, the fury evident on his face, he hurried to where they all stood and took his place at her side.

“She is not alone,” he responded furiously, and his gaze lingered on the tiny, broken body before him. His heart broke for the human he had grown to care for. He had watched in horror as she had cast herself in between Constantine and Shiloh, which had ended in her death. She would be avenged. With a dignified twist of his head, he called into the night, _“Glaoim!”_

The sound of falling rain could be heard by the vampires’ enhanced hearing, but it was not rain. The light tapping changed into determined footfalls as Shiloh’s receptors hopped between storage units. Constantine roared in anger as four lithe figures emerged from the shadows. Tobin, Riklin, Collin, and Una, all dressed for battle, fell in line behind Shiloh and Declan. They had been on the outskirts the whole time, waiting to be called to retrieve their ceannaire.

However, as four sets of eyes fell on the huddled, broken mass before them, there came a harrowing, heart-wrenching cry that shocked the vampires. One of the Walkers in particular, fell to his knees as he saw the shattered body of the one he had grown to care for deeply. Tears of mourning and rage cut through Collin’s cheeks as he recalled the anguishing memories of Madelyn’s demise, and he reached out for Bella, calling her name in a gentle, yet shattered voice. There was no response.

Una moved past him and secured Bella in her arms, lifting the small, frail body up into the air. A tiny cry slipped through the human’s lips. How was it that she was still alive? Una was nothing short of amazed by Bella’s tenacity. “Stay with us, Bella. Please.”

“We should have brought the others,” One of the Volturi guards hissed to Constantine. He was only around fifty years old, which meant, as compared to Constantine, he had little to no knowledge of the Walkers’ shielding capabilities. His thoughts went to his brothers and sisters, the ones capable of disabling a crowd. “Jane and Alec could have helped us.”

“They would be as useless as you are,” Constantine responded tersely and moved forward, spreading his arms wide. He took a step too close, and Tobin, Rix, and Collin swept in front of Shiloh, a cacophony of feral snarls coming from them. Each one bared their razor-sharp teeth at the vampire, and Constantine took an immediate step back. “I was willing to spare you the suffering of a painful death, Aoife, but you have elected the way of pain!” And then to his guards he said, “Kill them! All of them!”

A wall of black fabric descended on the Walkers, moving at an incalculable speed, but they were ready. They fought for fallen comrades they had never known, for a past that was not specifically their own.

Tobin leapt forward and gripped one of the guard members by the midsection. In the blink of an eye, he brought his head to the vampire’s stomach and ripped it open with his teeth. As a brutal cry erupted from the creature, Tobin seized its head and twisted it off. He rose to his feet, kicking the corpse at his feet, a tiny line of venom leaking from his mouth, and he snarled as two more came at him.

Tobin was easily one of the most violent Walkers that had ever existed, and that was saying something. Unlike the purebloods that had been born into this life, Tobin had been forced into it. With his family slaughtered by vampires, he would have surely died had Shiloh not come along. While she had taught him the virtues of patience and structure, there was a hostility and anger to him that she could never sort out. It was that anger and hostility that made him into an absolute animal.

The two vampires circled him, hoping to find some form of blind spot to take advantage of. Little did they know, the Walkers’ intuition and reflexes rendered any blind spots nonexistent. As one of the vampires—a skilled tracker named Andrew—lurched forward, Tobin spun around and bit into his neck. Andrew let out a strangled cry before falling back to the ground. This gave Tobin the opportunity to defend himself against the other assailant—a particularly strong Volturi member called Cryun—and he disemboweled him violently. As both vampires wriggled and writhed on the ground, Tobin smiled fiendishly. With a quick twist, he pulled off the head of Andrew, and crushed the skull of Cryun.

“Filthy bloodsuckers,” he muttered and moved on to the next pack of leeches.

Across the way, his brothers were battling just as fiercely.

Riklin had been reared by a pair of ferocious, skilled hunters, and as a result, he had become quite merciless when it came to prey. Regardless of how much a vampire pleaded, they were guaranteed one of the most horrific deaths when confronting him. He was a force of nature. Now, as he danced across the slick concrete, knocking the vampires out of his way, he noticed a very pretty girl attempting to slink away into the dark. His teeth locked together, and as she caught his eye, he smiled wickedly at her.

Tabitha shivered as the blond, Walker boy smiled at her. She tried to turn and abscond into the shadows, but he was suddenly there, cutting her off. His hand gripped her neck and shoved her back toward the fray. As she stood up and glanced around, she was horrified to see her friends—other members of the Volturi—being cut down by those degenerate Walkers. She felt her dead heart quake with loss—and with hate.

With a high-pitched wail, Tabitha turned on Rix, scratching and biting, but he deftly avoided her assaults. His right leg swept out, intending to knock her off balance, but she sailed over his head, her fingers latching onto his shoulders. He snarled as they pierced his skin, and he rolled forward in an attempt to put some distance between the she-vampire and himself.

As soon as he turned, however, Tabitha lunged at him again, and she aimed her strikes at his stomach with the intention of disemboweling him. Rix dodged the attacks, arching back while simultaneously swiping at her exposed sections. She was too quick, though. She was out of his reach before he could mar her. When he slashed out for what felt like the hundredth time, he missed her throat again but caught her jaw, gashing it terribly. He snickered gleefully, but his momentary exuberance put him in the path for her next attack.

When he saw her fingers moving closer, he tried to spin and avoid it, but a blistering pain shot out from his abdomen. He pulled away and noticed three, bloody lines across his arm. The sight of his own blood infuriated Rix, as he had never been scarred by a vampire before. Just as Tabitha coiled up for another strike, he spun through the air and kicked her in the stomach, which sent her flying back.

Tabitha grunted, and Rix was atop her in a heartbeat, clawing and slashing at anything he could.

“You cannot save her,” Tabitha gurgled. She had wanted Bella to join the Volturi. There was something about the girl that had spoken to her, but she wasn’t sure what it was. At that point, she knew that if the girl wasn’t already dead, she would never survive the change. “It is too late.”

Rix’s face darkened as he realized whom she was speaking of, and he felt something snap inside of him. Beyond her shoulder, he could see Tobin battling two vampires. He whistled at a high pitch as Tobin decapitated them, and his brother immediately turned in his direction.  One look at his situation, and Tobin knew exactly what needed to be done.

Tabitha wriggled out from under Rix, and she bounced away before turning and hissing at him.

Rix stalked forward with his mouth open, ready to tear her to pieces, and Tabitha snarled viciously in response. He was distracting her from what was quickly approaching from behind. Far across the space, Constantine shouted a warning to his beloved sister, but it was too late. Tobin fell upon her and tore into her jugular, a tidal wave of venom shooting out from the wound, and Rix pulled at her legs. Between the two of them, they managed to rip her in half in a matter of minutes.

The cloudy, black sky had become riddled with color as the blazes from burning vampire corpses lit up the area. There were six pyres, and they were quickly growing larger and larger as more carcasses were thrown into them.

Collin’s heart bled for Bella, and he found it difficult to defend himself from his assailants, especially since he could still hear her heart beating. It was faint, interspersed, and dying quickly. He could also hear Una’s comforting words as she pleaded for Bella to pull through. He had never heard his sister so mournful. Even when Madelyn had passed, Una’s tears had been somewhat stunted, hidden by her pride. Now, she openly wept.

One of the Volturi—a blond man with sallow cheeks—swiped at Collin’s neck, and he sidestepped in time to avoid a dangerous blow. He lifted his right foot and planted it in the vampire’s stomach, sending him flying a few yards backward. With a deep breath, Collin cleared his mind and focused on the fight at hand, jumping forward and ripping the leech’s head off his shoulders.

Four of the vampire lords and two of their personal guards had been extinguished, as well as two Volturi. The battle was quickly leaning in the Walkers’ favor. Little by little, the vampires fell, ending up as just another pile of ashes in the wind. Perhaps they were hungry—and to starve a Walker is a dangerous prospect—or maybe it had something to do with Bella’s near lifeless corpse. Whatever the reason, they fought with a fervor that the Volturi had never encountered before.

One of the Volturi guard turned to Constantine, who was keeping his distance from the brawl. “This is your fault!” He shoved a finger in Constantine’s face. “You were the one who brought us here! Lord Aro will not let this insolence go unpunished. That is if we even make it out of here alive!”

Constantine could say nothing. He merely growled and forced the guardsman back into the fight. Slowly, he started making his way toward the shadows, intending on vanishing. He would be back, though, back with more help.

At the same time, a vampire charged toward Una, who had taken a protective vigil at Bella’s side. She hissed angrily and burst toward him, crashing into his chest and forcing him away from the human. He wrapped his hands around her neck and tried to throw her, but she easily broke his grip. She swept her right foot along the floor, tripping him, and the leech fell on his back with a sharp gasp. Una didn’t bite or rip his head off. Instead, she brought her foot down on his face with as much strength as she could. She repeated the action, until his head split open and poured its contents on the ground.

A moan exited Bella’s lips, and Una promptly returned to her side. She cupped her face. “Bella? Can you hear me?”

“Tay-tay-tay,” Bella stuttered a word, but it was interspersed with a thick, gargling sound. Her eyes were closed as she tried to speak once more before falling silent.

Una breathed out a heavy sigh as Bella’s heart made a change in rhythm. However, as another vampire attempted to attack, her attention was quickly diverted.

A slender, black-haired female approached Una, her eyes locked on the immobile figure beneath the Walker. Una was quicker, though. She hurled herself from where Bella was lying, and she flew through the air toward the leech. When the two met, a sound comparable to thunder clapped through the area. Their growls and snarls became a symphony of violence, as they rolled across the concrete and struggled to overcome their adversary. Finally, Una’s strength won out, and she was able to lean forward and bite the vampire’s face. The Volturi girl rose and screeched, gripping her cheek, which now had a giant, gaping wound on it. Una seized the opportunity and hopped onto the girl’s shoulders. With a quick twist, her head came off, and her body fell to the ground with a heavy thump.

Una returned to Bella’s side and bit the tip of her own finger off. Carefully and delicately, she began stitching up one of the severe wounds on Bella’s back. She wasn’t sure what good it would do, but it was better than nothing.

Across the concrete, Declan was in the process of dismantling another vampire.

Declan’s place among the Walkers had always been widely contested. There were some—many of the purebloods—who didn’t think he belonged with them. Despite the fact that he had been born shortly after Oren and should have been considered an Elder, there was one aspect that set him apart from the others. Declan was a Child of the Moon, as the Volturi called him—a werewolf.

Near the time of his birth, his mother had been attacked by a savage man, and she had been bitten. The village elders had assumed that she would die since only a small percentage of bite victims were capable of Turning. She survived long enough to hold her newborn in her arms and name him. To combat the vicious rumors that suggested her child would be nothing more than a monster, she had named him Declan, which means “full of goodness.” Oren, himself, had raised the child and taught him how to control his violent outbursts—to channel them.

Regardless of what Oren felt about Declan, the hatred for his kind nearly drove him away. Had it not been for Oren’s daughter, Declan would have left and sought solitude. Shiloh had saved him in more ways than she knew.

Now, as three bloodsuckers surrounded him, he let go of his control, relinquishing the hold he had on his inner beast. As the vampires closed in around him, he felt his back muscles split and contort, nearly doubling in size, and his height increased exponentially. His attackers stopped in their tracks, and their expressions were shocked as a deep, primal growl came from his chest. His vision sharpened, and he felt his features changing into something else. He felt himself changing into something else.

“A Child of the Moon!” One vampire hissed. “Impossible.”

“It must be an illusion!” The other spat. “Lord Caius eliminated them!”

Declan took a step forward and slashed at them, his fingers having elongated an additional six inches to a pair of vicious looking claws. The vampires jumped back, and Declan could smell their fear. He licked the top of his snout and snorted in pleasure.

The vampires circled him, attempting to confuse him, but it didn’t work. Declan swiped his large claws out and sent the bloodsuckers flying backward. Before they could contemplate rising, he was there, grabbing one of them and biting his head clean off. He then moved to the final two and repeated the actions from the previous. Declan didn’t just decapitate them; he slashed and gouged their corpses, rendering them unrecognizable. When his lust for violence was sated, he shifted away.

A tall, thin vampire snuck up behind him, ready to bite the massive creature. Vampire venom typically killed Children of the Moon, but Declan’s Walker blood protected him. Still, it was an awful inconvenience. As he stalked forward, Shiloh bounded toward him, her eyes locked on his face. With a simple hop, she sailed over his head and collided with the leech behind him. She beheaded him in a quick, fluid manner before she stood and smirked at Declan.

“Watch your back,” she chided before disappearing again.

The entire battle had been raging for only half a minute, and already, Constantine knew his side was going to lose. It was unthinkable to him that a group of half-breeds had overcome his forces. He shook his head absently and turned away from the fray, stalking in the other direction. He had remained on the outskirts of the fight, watching to see if his side would make a resurgence. When that had not happened, he had decided to fall back and reground. A loud, familiar snarl had him turning and gawking back. The last of the Volturi had fallen, and only three of the vampire lords remained standing.

“Do you see?” Riklin’s voice sailed through the air, and the fighting came to a standstill. “Do you see the way he flees from the fight? He would have you massacre yourselves so that he may live! Is this what you want?”

The lords looked from Riklin to Constantine, and their expressions contorted with rage. After willingly fighting with him, he was turning tail and abandoning them. They huddled and began whispering to themselves, but before Constantine could determine what they were saying, they turned to Shiloh, who had just finished dismantling the last of the Volturi.

“We surrender,” the tallest of the lords said to her. “We have broken the agreement, and therefore, we deserve to be punished.” They all hung their heads. “We humbly ask for your mercy.”

“You would betray your own kind?” Constantine said, enraged. He was afraid. He knew that the moment the lords returned their favor to the Walkers, he would be done for—and he wasn’t going to wait around for that to happen. “You shall all remember and rue this night! When I return, I shall bring legions to your shores!”

“Do you really think you’re going to get away?” Tobin was on the verge of laughing, and his words made Constantine temporarily freeze. “Your army has been demolished, and the last remnant of your support has left you. You are alone. What makes you think that you will leave here alive?”

“You would dare speak to me with such insolence?” Constantine barked angrily and he swiped his right hand through the air. “You are, all of you, beneath me!”

“That is enough,” Shiloh said, her voice cutting above his. It was so rare to see her raise her voice higher than a whisper. She took three steps forward and leveled a hard look at him. “You will have your freedom on one condition.”

He sneered, “If you think I will bow to you—“

“That is not what I ask of you.” Shiloh shook her head as she cut him off. “You are free to leave, if you will swear not to return to our shores.”

A few sounds of displeasure came from the rest of the Walkers, but Shiloh ignored them. She knew what she was doing.  

He snorted. “You are granting me clemency?”

“Something like that,” she answered, raising an eyebrow. “Do you agree to our terms?”

Constantine considered what she was granting him, and a sly smile cut across his face. A whole new plan took root in his mind. He would lie to her, return to Volterra, and gather another army. Aro would certainly give him as many of the guard as necessary in order to wipe out the Walkers. He would be prepared when he returned.

He smiled broadly, his razor-sharp teeth peeking out from beyond his lips, and said, “I do.”

She nodded and motioned toward the distance. “Then you may go.”

He backed away slowly, watching her carefully as he found her sudden change of heart somewhat odd. This had been the girl that had fought tooth and nail to preserve her way of life. Something didn’t feel right. When the Walkers made no effort to pursue him, though, he turned and hurried into the shadows, relief swimming in his veins.

“Are you insane?” Declan crossed to her, his wolfish features vanishing. “What do you think you’re doing? Do you honestly believe he will keep his promise?”

“Of course, I do not,” she said simply, and when she called to the others, the hints of a wicked smirk played on the tips of her mouth. “Get him.”

-

* * *

 

-

Constantine hurried through the endless sea of shipping containers and oil drums. He jumped at each corner, expecting to find … something. He wasn’t sure what. Something was wrong with this whole thing. Why on earth Shiloh had decided to allow him to leave was beyond his understanding, but he didn’t care. All he had to do was to get to the coast and begin his swim back to Europe. After everything that had happened here, he would be happy to return home.

While the concrete flew beneath his feet, he briefly lamented the loss of his beautiful sister, Tabitha, but those feelings were short-lived. He had insisted that she stay behind, but she had refused. Her ending was of her own making. Still, he couldn’t ignore the pangs in his heart that resulted from her memory.

He had just passed another pack of crates, when he heard it: several pairs of footsteps trailing him. His pace diminished, and he whipped around, slightly panicked. He saw nothing. The wind blew through the air, and he inhaled deeply, tasting it. It was devoid of any familiar scent. He turned abruptly, intent on running faster, but a series of hoots and shouts coming from the shadows stopped him.

Constantine stepped back toward the shadows, and a pair of sharp nails reached out and slashed him. He cried out in pain and spun around, kicking and snarling into the shadows, but there was no one there. As he backed up, a gust of air hit his back, as did another fresh round of pain. He spun around and discovered that the back of his cloak had been nearly shredded.

A shuddering breath tore from his chest, and a shiver trailed up his spine. He was being hunted.

“You said I could leave!” He shouted into the air. “What is this?”

A long arm extended toward his right leg, and a sharp set of nails slashed at him. He collapsed with an anguished cry, and at the same time, another blast of air hit his face. Before he had time to react, there was a sharp, tearing pain at the left side of his torso. Constantine cursed in Italian and gripped his torso, which now had a gaping crater. Someone had taken a large chunk of him.

“A pound of flesh,” a hauntingly cold voice called from the darkness. “No more. No less.”

In all his years, Constantine had never had a reason to be afraid. He was, after all, part of the Volturi—the lawmakers, the royalty of the vampire world. Now, as he was confronted with the visage of his own death, he felt what could only be described as fear, and he did the only thing that felt natural.

He ran.

The sky above opened and shrouded Constantine in rain, but it did not deter him. The beads of water slipped easily across his hard skin, but they clung mercilessly to his clothing. He didn’t care.

Through the endless maze of shipping products, he ran, not caring enough to pay attention to his surroundings. As they pushed through the night, the Walkers slashed out at him, injuring him, taunting him, reminding him that he was at their mercy. As he made another quick turn, he suddenly pitched forward and tumbled to the ground. Constantine was an elegant and skilled fighter, so to find himself on the ground infuriated him. He rose and snarled into the shadows, calling out those who were attacking him, even though he already knew who they were.

Only one face appeared from the obscuring night. She moved forward, her head held high and proud, and the rest of the Walkers appeared behind her. Their skin seemed to shimmer under the moonlight, giving her an unearthly appearance, almost angelic.

There were no words spoken between Constantine and Shiloh. She stepped closer to him, and at the same time, he pulled off his cloak and tossed it aside. He would rectify the mistake that he had made so long ago. He would not fail this time.

Constantine started forward, ready to tear Shiloh from the world, but something amazing happened. With one hand, she reached out and gripped his throat, stopping his forward motion immediately. He struggled to free himself from her grasp, but he couldn’t. It was then that the human’s words came back to him. _Walkers get stronger with age … it’s been over three hundred years._ Very slowly, Shiloh lifted him up into the air, his feet dangling beneath him.

“You have been weighed,” Shiloh said, and she released him. Before he could right himself, she wheeled back and kicked him across the face. The force of the impact sent him flying back a few yards. When he opened his eyes, she was above him. “You have been measured.” Shiloh hovered above him, taking a seat on his chest and pinning his arms to the ground with her feet. She reached behind her, extending her hand out, and the Volturi blade was placed in her hand. Constantine had dropped it in the struggle, and Declan had retrieved it. She positioned it between his eyes. “And you have been found wanting.”

Constantine released a harrowing, bloodcurdling scream as the tip of the blade pierced his skin like butter. Regardless of his strength, he could not break through Shiloh’s firm hold on him. The Walkers stood off to the side, watching as she exacted her revenge on him. There were no cheers of appreciation, no laughs directed at the vampire beneath her. They were absolutely silent. The excruciating shrieks echoed throughout the shipyard, and Una, who was almost a mile away, shivered as they reached her ears.

When Shiloh finally stepped away from him, there was a series of cuts running down the center of his face, spanning across his chest, and concluding at the base of his rib cage. Her chest was rising and falling rapidly as she thought of the little ones he had taken from her. There would be no quick death for him. His punishment had to be more severe than that.

There was a large, metal container propped up against the wall with a sign that read, “Danger: Flammable.” She gripped it and poured the entire collection of oil onto the quivering vampire at her feet. He was muttering something unintelligible, rendered temporarily insane by the injuries he had sustained. Shiloh stepped away and lit a match right as he sat up. There was a moment of recognition between the two of them, a few brief seconds of understanding, before his world ended.

The match flew through the air and landed on his torso, his body erupting into a sea of dancing flames. He shouted and tried to pat the flames away, but his injuries had leaked a substantial amount of venom, and the fire was quickly devouring it. Shiloh and the others stood back as Constantine became a charred corpse and eventually faded to ash.

For a moment, no one spoke. They merely stared.

It was Collin who finally reached forward and tugged on Shiloh’s arm. When she turned to him, he said on word: Bella.

-

* * *

 

-

The majority of Bella’s injuries had been mended, thanks to Una, but she had lost too much blood. Her eyes were shut tight, and her face showed no sign that she was responding to Una’s silent pleas for her to hang on. As the minutes ticked by, Bella’s heartbeat started to slow significantly. She didn’t have much time left. Una perked up when she heard the familiar voices approaching, and she called for Shiloh to join her.

“Her heart is fading,” Una lamented, stroking Bella’s hair. “If we are to do anything, it must be soon.”

“We must get her to a hospital,” Declan interjected as he knelt down and checked Bella’s pulse. Sporadic, short bursts. “There may still be time to save her.”

Riklin stepped forward, confusion written on his face. “She will not be changed?”

Shiloh sighed as she knelt beside Declan, and she took Bella’s fingers in her palm. Such small hands. “She has refused my offer.”

All eyes fell on Shiloh, and she could read the hurt and disappointment in their eyes. It mirrored her own.

“But … but, it can save her life,” Tobin argued, and he rested his hand on Shiloh’s shoulder. “The human doctors will patch her up, but there is no way of knowing whether they will keep her alive. You told her that we would always protect her, Shiloh. How is letting her die synonymous with protection?”

“Your ceannaire has spoken,” Declan chided Tobin lightly. It was difficult to take him seriously when he looked so broken.

“No, she hasn’t,” Tobin contested, and he squared his shoulders defiantly. “I call for a [_vóta_](http://www.irishdictionary.ie/dictionary?language=irish&toLanguage=english&word=v%C3%B3ta).”

A _vóta_ loosely translated was a “vote,” but in reality, it was so much more. A subordinate could invoke the right of _vóta_ if they felt their ceannaire’s judgment was tainted. The entire pack would be required to cast a vote on the subject at hand, no questions asked. The idea that Shiloh was anything but focused was blasphemy, but Tobin knew it was the only way to keep Bella alive. The Walker that had once viewed Bella’s life as expendable was now trying to save her life. The irony was not lost on him.

Declan was on his feet, casting a disparaging glare at Tobin. “We do not have time for this! We must get her to a medical facility immediately.”

“She should be turned,” Tobin said defiantly, his sharp expression tearing into Declan. “Who agrees?”

“Aye,” Una said timidly, rising to her feet.

“Nay,” Riklin answered, and upon receiving an assortment of shocked looks, he added, “As much as I care for Bella, I cannot, in good conscience, commit to this decision. She does not want this life, so why should we condemn her to it?”

“Nay,” Declan all but growled. “My reasoning stands with Riklin.”

“Aye,” Collin said quietly, but he did not stand as the others had. He gently cradled Bella’s head in his lap and refused to tear his eyes from her. He shook his head. “I can’t do it again. Not with her.” He turned to Shiloh. “Nora would have agreed.”

All eyes fell on Shiloh, who was perched beside Collin. She could either vote with the majority, or she could make the pool even by voting nay. In the event of an equal turnout, the ceannaire would resume control and make the final decision. Shiloh’s eyes raked over the limp body before her, and she sighed heavily. Bella had made it clear what she wanted, Shiloh would have to acquiesce.

However, as she rose from the ground, ready to cast her vote, something silenced her.

“Sh—Sh—Shiloooh?” The weak, stunted voice claimed the attention of the Walkers, and they all turned to see Bella with her eyes partially open. Her pupils were dilated, and her head was shaking quickly. “Ta—take m—my b—blood.”

Shiloh turned to her. “What?”

“Ta—take m—my blood,” Bella said, her tone growing firmer. “Use it on th—the market. You c—can buy y—your freedom ...”

She was offering her life in exchange for theirs. A series of gasps punctuated Bella’s words, and her eyes rolled back as her eyelids closed.

Without so much as a backward glance, Shiloh pulled Bella from Collin, cradling the tiny, human body in her arms. She lifted her right wrist to her mouth and unflinchingly tore her skin open, releasing a bright stream of blood. Careful, so as not to accidentally injure Bella, she brought the open wound to the human’s mouth, urging her lips open and letting the sanguine fluid rush into Bella’s open lips.

It was her blood, the blood of a pureblood that would incite the change.

“Drink, Bella,” Shiloh insisted lightly, pressing her wrist flush against her mouth. “Please.”

Bella lay there, completely immobile for a few seconds, but as Shiloh continued to prod, her lips pressed against the wound, and she began to drink. There was an occasional gag, as Bella tried to continue drinking, but it was difficult. All the feeling had almost left her body. After an additional ten seconds, Shiloh pulled her hand away, and Tobin set to work on mending the wound on her wrist.

“We must leave,” Shiloh said as she rose, Bella still safely tucked in her arms. “The change will commence soon.”

As soon as the words left her mouth, Bella’s body began to convulse. The lack of blood in her system had sped up the change, and she was minutes away from the most severe aspect of it. There wouldn’t be enough time to get her back to their underground home. Rather than risking it, Shiloh led the others to the closest entrance to the Under Passage. They found a large, empty alcove that was several feet below the normal Under Passage, which was perfect, because at that moment, things really took off.

Bella’s chest started rising and falling, indicating a rapid increase in her heartbeat, and it was followed by a low moaning sound. As Shiloh fell to her knees and placed Bella gently on the ground, a bellowing cry left her lips and echoed through the space. All the Walkers hovered around her and gaped as a subtle ripple passed beneath Bella’s skin.

“It’s happening,” Tobin remarked absently. “It’s really happening.”

It was as though a small wave was cresting across Bella’s skin, moving from her hands and spreading across her body. Although it was disconcerting to Tobin and Riklin who had never been present for the turning of a receptor, Shiloh and the others knew exactly what was happening. Shiloh’s blood had reached Bella’s bones and was causing them to calcify rapidly.

Bella’s bones were growing. Quickly.

“Give us space,” Shiloh commanded, and they complied willingly. She sat on Bella’s right side, while calling over her shoulder, “Declan, I will require your assistance.”

He had been with her during the changes of Una, Tobin, and Collin, and he was well-versed in the change.

Just as he rested his hand on her wrist, Bella’s eyes fluttered open. “Sh—Shiloooh?”

“Bella?” Shiloh leaned forward and stared deliberately into the girl’s eyes. “Can you understand the words I am speaking to you?”

It was not unusual for a receptor to go slightly mad during the change. If that were the case with Bella, Shiloh would have to restrain her.

“Yessss.” Her words trailed off as her eyes darted around the space. “Where arrrre weeee?”

“We are in the Under Passage,” Shiloh said firmly, her gaze never leaving Bella’s. “Your body is going through a transformation. I know you did not want this, and I cannot even begin to apologize but—“

“It’s okay. I understand.” Bella gently touched Shiloh’s hand and smiled. It was a faraway, dreamy smile, almost as though she had been roused from a deep sleep. As Declan gripped her wrist, she asked, “Is it going to hurt?”

“Uh,” Declan stammered and lowered his eyes before admitting, “Yes. You’re going to want to tear me apart by the time it’s over.”

“Wonderful.” Despite the blood loss and broken bones, she still managed to sound sarcastic. With a determined frown, she closed her eyes and said, “This isn’t going to kill me—“

Bella’s voice cut off, and at the same time, her face paled. Shiloh watched closely and gasped when Bella’s eyes rolled back into her head. With a last dull flutter, her heart sputtered and quieted. She lost half of a beat before a large pair of hands pressed against her chest, doing compressions. Had Collin not have gone to school and been forced to take a health class, he would have stood by and watched as the life slipped away from the girl he cared for. Instead, he was bent over her, doing chest compressions. He counted in his head, trying to keep the rhythm steady. One. Two. Three. Four.

Breaking away for a second, he blew a lungful of air into her mouth. He was blind to everything, but his advanced senses, he was aware of every sound in the room: the struggling beating of her heart under his hands, the pounding of his own heart, and the steady breaths of his brothers and sisters. He ignored them as he breathed into Bella again.

“What are you waiting for?” He choked out angrily and glared at Shiloh. All at once, Bella’s heart came to life with a fierce, strong _ga-lump_. His eyes unfocused and panic shot across his features. He sat back on his heels. “Oh! Bella?”

Her eyes popped open, and for a moment, she just stared up at the concrete ceiling. A half second later, Bella screamed.  It was not just a scream; it was a bloodcurdling, window shattering shriek of agony. The horrifying sound cut off with a gurgle, and her eyes rolled back again. While Shiloh leaned forward and called her name, Bella’s body began to twitch, jerking around like she was being electrocuted. Her face was blank. It was the wild thrashing from inside the center of her body that moved her. As she convulsed, sharp snaps and cracks kept time with the spasms.

It was happening.

“Get out.” Shiloh rested her hand on Bella’s fingers, feeling them contracting and expanding. When she realized that the others were still gawking, she snarled. “Get out! Now!”

Tobin, Rix, Collin, and Una quickly disappeared, and Shiloh looked up to Declan. “Are you ready?”

He met her gaze and nodded. “I am.”

She smiled softly. “On my word. Not a moment sooner.”

Another tremor billowed across Bella’s body, and somewhere during this, Bella came back to consciousness. She responded to their words with another shriek that clawed at their spirits. She reached out toward Shiloh, pleading for her to end her suffering.

“P—please, Sh—Shiloooh.” Tears spilled down Bella’s cheeks, and her fingers curled under an invisible strain. “K—kill m—me.”

In the dull light, Bella’s skin seemed more purple and black than it was white. Deep red was seeping beneath her skin now, and sweat was starting to bead at her forehead. Another shattering crack inside her body, the loudest yet, so loud that they both paused in shock, waiting for her to respond with a scream. Nothing. Her legs, which had been flailing and kicking, went limp, sprawling out in an unnatural way.

“Her spine,” Declan said, horrified. The receptors that had died in the past had all experienced that. Their spines had shattered before Shiloh and Declan had a chance to continue the change. Bella’s body was moments from doing the same.

“No,” Shiloh whispered. “Not again!”

Her hands reached forward and seized Bella’s fingers. Without waiting, she curled them, snapping them like twigs. She moved up to Bella’s palms, crushing the bones that rested there, before moving up her arm. She cast a determined look to Declan, and he began mimicking her motions. As the moments passed, they both listened, waiting for the sign that her spine had been obliterated, but it did not come.

Bella’s breath stunted, and she groaned with each break.

Shiloh growled fiercely. “You are not going anywhere. Stay with us, Bella.”

“Shilooooh?” Bella’s eyes fluttered open right as Shiloh severed her humerus. She screamed as the burning pain shot up her arm, and tears fell freely down her cheeks. What was happening to her, she wondered. From the corners of her mind, through the bright red haze came a pair of voices. A memory of a conversation. One from what felt like another lifetime.  

_“Is it painful?”_

_“Very painful. Your entire body changes in a matter of days. In fact, within minutes of initiating the change, the worst of it begins. Do you think Una, Tobin, and Collin were simply born tall? During the transformation, the bones calcify and grow at a rapid pace, too quickly for the body to catch up. Unless they are broken in a specific order, they can kill you.”_

_“Which bones? Which ones have to be broken?”_

_"All of them."_

Another sharp feeling cut through her as the top of her shoulder was fractured. There was something strange, though. There was a warm, tingling sensation that was spreading through the sites that had already been demolished. It was almost comforting, almost enough to pull her attention away from the tearing, twisting agony.

“How can she feel if her spine is broken?” Declan asked as he repeated Shiloh’s motions on the opposite side of Bella’s body. He was fortunate; the right side of Bella’s body had been so damaged, many of the bones were already broken.

“I do not know,” Shiloh answered stiffly. She moved across Bella’s chest, pressing aimlessly at her ribs, clavicle, anything she could find. With no medical knowledge or training, she was relying heavily on what she felt—a distinct pattern of bumps and twists beneath the skin.

Bella’s heart was beating heavier, much different than before. Almost as if her blood was congealing, thicker and slower. Declan moved down to her legs, his massive hands wrapping around Bella’s small waist and crushing her hip and pelvis in the process, while Shiloh took the north road to her neck and skull. It was almost done. Almost. Just. A. Few. More…

Her femurs snapped, and this time, Bella’s back arched. Shiloh and Declan stumbled away, overcome with shock and her movement. How was it that she could move in such a manner? She unleashed a sound that was a mixture of a wail and a snarl. She thrashed her arms back and forth before falling back with a hollow thud. The two Walkers fell on her again, needing to finish what they had started.

“Almost there.” Shiloh frowned as she reached Bella’s skull. She placed her hands on either side, and with the utmost care, placed the smallest amount of pressure. There was a tiny crack, and she pulled her hands back.

Declan was focused on the final breaks, but he heard the lush tearing of Shiloh’s skin as her teeth bit through, and he smelled the familiar scent of her blood. Before she stepped away, Shiloh tugged at her wrist, unleashing another torrent of blood, and offered it to Bella, who drank slowly, but surely. As he concluded his half, Declan collapsed to the floor, shaking his head and sucking in mouthfuls of air. For a moment, he just lay there and listened. Listened to Shiloh’s heartbeat, to Bella’s, and to the quiet whispers of concern coming from the others beyond the walls.

But then, ever so easily, Bella’s heartbeat silenced again. Only this time, it did not restart.

“No.” Shiloh shook her head, and just as Collin had, she blew more air into Bella’s mouth, but there was nothing there. Just a lifeless rise of her chest. Shiloh started pumping her heart, counting out numbers without knowing their purpose, trying to put her back together. Willing her to come back.

But there was nothing there.

Declan felt something crumble inside of him, the last bit of his strength gave out, and a tear cut down his cheek, followed swiftly by another. He pulled away and watched Shiloh, watched the girl he had essentially helped raise, the one he had stood by for so long. She was bent over, attempting to force life back into Bella—back into a corpse. That was all that was left of the girl who they had all grown to love. She had been broken, bled-out, and mangled beyond repair. In spite of the Walkers’ healing capabilities, they couldn’t save her.

Declan knew it was too late. He knew she was dead. Gone. He knew it for sure, because the spark in her eyes was gone.

Shiloh, sensing his hesitation, snarled at him, “Leave me be. Go!”

“Aoife…” He tried to touch her, to coax her away to mourn, but she pulled away from him roughly. She would not allow Bella to go quietly into the night, not without a fight.

She pushed Bella’s dead heart faster and firmer.

“She’s not dead,” Shiloh responded to my unspoken words fiercely, and Declan wasn’t sure she was speaking to him anymore. “She will be fine.”

He turned and walked away slowly, leaving her with her dead. His feet felt heavy. Like lead weights. He shuffled past the others who questioned what was happening, and instead, he retreated to the surface. Someone would have to tell the girl’s parents something. Someone would have to deliver the body. What would be the excuse? What would be the reason? Grief could not shadow the gravity of the situation. They would have to leave.

Regardless of how hard he tried, Declan couldn’t think straight. He was empty.

As he climbed up to where they had fought the leeches earlier, he inhaled. The scent of blood was in the air. Human blood interspersed with Walker blood. The smell made him double over in pain. Although there was a decent amount of distance between them, he could still hear Shiloh working on Bella’s heart, trying to jumpstart the dead.

The ghost of a smile played on his lips as he remembered so long ago, when he had found Shiloh lying in the remains of their home. He had never given up on her. Even when she had pleaded for him to kill her, he had kept her alive. Shaking his head, he tried to ignore the images left from Bella’s final minutes. The screaming, the bleeding, the unbearable crunching and snapping of her bones.

The sun was coming up on the horizon, casting eerie shades of blue and gold on the water.  The rain had stopped falling, but the residual still clung to the concrete, and the tiny beads of water glistened in the rising daylight.

Only a few seconds passed before he heard it. A crescendo of epic proportions. A miraculous symphony of percussive beats and gasping breaths. He was up and running back to where they were instantly, his chest bursting with joy. From beneath the ground, there was a new sound. The only sound that could touch the Walkers in their darkest hour.

A frantic pounding, a racing beat … followed by an ear shattering scream.

Bella was alive. 


	27. Chapter Twenty Seven

Chapter Twenty-Seven

I was on fire.

Every inch of my body was engulfed by flames that licked, bit, and stung me. It was bewildering. I couldn’t understand it, couldn’t make sense of what was happening. How could anything hurt this much? The last memory I had was of Constantine’s blade piercing through me, but compared to this, that was a walk in the park. I would gladly take a million blades if it meant that this all-consuming fire would die out.

At first, my body attempted to reject the pain, and I was sucked in and out of a black numbness that cut out whole seconds, or maybe even minutes, of the agony, making it that much harder to keep up with what was real and what wasn’t. Little did I know, these moments of darkness were my body slipping in and out of life. I was dangerously close to the afterlife and didn’t even know it.

The non-reality was black, and it didn’t hurt so much. In fact, during those times when I would calmly slip into the dull, dark hued world, I almost felt at peace. It was only temporary, though. Reality came roaring back, red hot and angry. It felt like I was being torn in half, ran over by a van, punched again and again by Constantine, and submerged in acid, all at the same time. Reality was feeling my body twist and flip when there was no way I could be moving. It was fearing for those I cared for—the Walkers—but having that fear be usurped by the burning. After a particularly violent stream, I couldn’t remember what it was that I was supposed to remember.

One moment, everything was at it should be. I was taking the fall for Shiloh, and from the sounds that surrounded after, she fought for her life. Did she survive? Was she still alive? Or had the Volturi overpowered her? My heart burned as I thought of her lying on the docks, a lifeless corpse. It was wrong—unthinkable—and it made me angry just thinking of it.

She wasn’t supposed to be there. She was supposed to leave me to die. Why had she come? I’d watched as she had been brutalized by Constantine, and I just couldn’t take it anymore. I had rushed forward and asked her to kill Constantine for me … for us, the younglings who had been taken from her. That was when my world went dark.

The darkness had taken over and then washed away to a wave of torture. I couldn’t breathe. There was blood in my eyes and in my mouth. Every breath was iron and metallic, and every sight was red. I blinked, and then, Una was above me, calling me back to life, but it was too late. _Too late_. I slipped into a dull haze, and for a moment, I felt as if I would be fine. I was lulled into complacency by the roar of the battle, Una’s pleas, and the lapping of the water. The concrete below my back suddenly felt like pillows, and I took a deep breath.

I had a dream, somewhere between the agonizing torture and the hollow blackness. I think it was a dream. Shiloh was speaking to me, telling me that I was changing, but how could that be? How could she want me after everything I had put her through? She had almost died for me. I wasn’t worthy.

The pain faded away again, and I was convinced that I was still dreaming. How long had I been unconscious? Seconds or minutes? Hours? Days? The pain was gone. Numb. I couldn’t feel or see, but I could hear. There was air in my lungs again, scraping in rough bubbles up and down my throat. I couldn’t feel the things I should, and nothing felt in the right place. I tried to call out to someone, anyone, but my voice had been silenced. Was I going into shock? I knew it would be so much easier to give in. To let the blackness push me down, down, down to a place where there was no pain, weariness, worries, or fears. I could escape momentarily from a world of broken bodies, shattered hearts, and supernatural creatures.

If it had only been for myself, I wouldn’t have been able to struggle very long. I was only human, with no more than human strength. I’d been trying to keep up with the supernatural for far too long. Perhaps a quick release would help…

“You are not going anywhere. Stay with us, Bella.” Shiloh’s words echoed, sounding far away, and I struggled to hear her voice.

I forced life back into my body and was rewarded with a large slash of pain across my left arm. My eyes fluttered open, and I caught a glimpse of Shiloh. She was masked by the haze clinging to my vision. There was light radiating all around her; she looked like an angel. Was she coming to take me to the other side? Or was she a mirage?  I called out to her, still caught in a daze and not sure if what I was seeing was real. All at once, a crushing blow echoed from my left arm, and I screamed in response. What was happening to me?

A warm, tingling sensation spread through my hands and up my arms. It would probably have been pleasant had it not been for the sickening crunches echoing in the air, filling me with debilitating torture. A wail built up inside my lungs, and in an attempt to escape, I released it, screeching into the air. At the same time, I felt my back bow up toward the ceiling. I hung there for a moment before crashing back to the ground.

All at once, my breathing grew labored and heavy. My lungs felt as if they were shutting down, and I was gasping for air. The thrumming in my chest was growing slower, as well. My heart was slowing to a stop. Unable to move or speak now, all I could do was lay there and wait for the approaching end.

“No!” Shiloh’s voice chanted.

I felt it creeping back—the black numbness. This time, I welcomed it. Before I was plunged into darkness, I chose that moment to think of my loved ones. Instead of automatically finding images of the Cullens, I was greeted with the smiling faces of Renee, Phil, and Charlie—my family, but that wasn’t all. I saw each of the Walkers—Collin, Tobin, Una, Rix, Dex, and even Shiloh—and the sight of them made me content, relaxed. They would stay with me … till the end.

I held the blackness of nonexistence at bay by inches. I wanted to savor this moment. I loved them. All of them. I drew my strength from the faces of my loved ones. However, as I felt myself slipping, I took a deep breath and prepared myself for whatever came next … I would be—

It hit me like a freight train. A spot of heat in my chest, or what I assumed was my chest, that felt real and alive. It was exactly where my heart should be. Holding tight the warm memory of my family and friends, I knew that I would be able to fight the darkness as long as I needed to. Unfortunately, the warmth got more and more real, warmer and warmer. Hotter. The heat was so real it was hard to believe that I was imagining it. Hotter. Too hot. Much worse than before. Like liquid fire trailing through my veins, bringing them to life for a moment, only to destroy them the next moment. It was like placing your hand on a stove—my automatic response was to jump away from it, but I couldn’t move. The heat was inside me.

I could not escape.

Somewhere between my internal screams, I felt a pulse in the fire raging through me. It was a rhythmic beating, and I realized it was my heart. Every beat that resonated from that one organ increased the temperature tenfold. I prayed for the return of the numbness, wished that I could have fully engulfed myself in the blackness, and fallen away into the nothing. I wanted to claw my chest open and crush my heart with my own fingers.

James snapping my leg under his foot was soft pillows compared to this. I would gladly be rejected by Edward a million times over. The fire blazed hotter, and I wanted to scream. To beg for someone to kill me now, before I lived one more second in this pain, but I couldn’t move my lips. Why couldn’t I move? Why couldn’t I scream? This wasn’t part of the stories Nora or Shiloh had told me.

-

-

-

After what felt like seconds, days, weeks, and years simultaneously, I could feel something change. I felt the control of my body return slowly, in small increments. I knew it was happening when I was able to twitch my toes and twist my fingers into fists. Slowly, so as not to increase my agony, my eyelids pulled up, and I found myself staring up at a stone ceiling. I was confused why my vision was so sharp, so defined, especially considering my eyes had been closed for a long time. Strange. A searing hot pain shot through my abdomen suddenly, and I closed my eyes.

Where was everyone? If the Walkers had survived, where were they? Where was Shiloh? Inside, I wondered if they had been taken captive or killed. I refuted that theory. They were alive. They had to be.

Suddenly, there were light footsteps—two pairs—and the whisper of air stirred by someone arriving. The footfalls got closer, and I felt pressure against the inside of my wrist. The fingers felt cool, and I tensed.

“I do not understand you,” a familiar, displeased voice grumbled. “Never, in the history of my knowing you, have you forcefully turned a receptor. Other than Madelyn, that is, and we all know how wonderfully that turned out. If word reaches the colony, they will not be lenient on you just because you are Oren’s blood. In fact, they will be harsh with you for that very fact. You should have known better.”

“Are you quite finished?” The voice that responded rang against the wall. “I could not in good conscience step back and watch her expire. She was willing to die for us, Declan. Does that not count for something? Should such an act be tossed aside?”

_Declan! He’s alive! He’s talking to Shiloh! They’re alive!_

“You hate losing,” Declan retorted angrily, and a resounding snarl cut him off. “Do not growl at me, Daughter of Oren! The only reason you’re upset is because you know I am right! What are you going to do when she wakes up and detests you for this?”

“You speak as though it is a foregone conclusion,” she replied calmly.

“She did not want this life. You said so yourself,” Declan pointed out. “You have also impressed upon us all that love does not come from force. So I ask again, how could you do this? Do you have any consideration left in you? Or are you simply going through the motions? Maybe Nora was right. Maybe you are a shell.”

I heard thick footsteps leading away.

“Will you leave without offering me the courtesy of a reply?” Shiloh’s voice was tense, and it was easy to hear the anger she was restraining. “Everything I do is for the benefit of the others. Every moment of every hour, every hour of every day is spent protecting them. Had I let Bella die, had I not stepped in, Tobin, Riklin, Una, and Collin would have been crushed. It would have been decades before we would be a functioning pack again. I made the decision that I judged to be the most beneficial.”

Declan tried to intercede, but she continued.

“As for my demeanor, would it benefit anyone for me to roam about screaming? You are misinterpreting my refusal to display emotion as an inability to do so. The others look to me for guidance and support. How could I be effective by choosing not to be calm? The deaths of my younglings showed me what a ceannaire should and should not be.”

“It wouldn’t hurt you to smile occasionally,” Declan commented. “It would make you more approachable.”

She sighed. “Is that what you wish for me to be? Approachable?”

“I don’t know,” Declan said, exasperated. “I just wish you would open up to me as you once did. The Aoife I once knew would have never, ever changed a receptor if there was the slightest desire against it.”

“Bella did not know what she wanted,” Shiloh contested. “She was dictated by an irrational fear.”

“So you believe that gave you the right to decide for her?” Declan spat. “Are you truly that arrogant?”

“You would speak to me of deciding the fates of others?” Something changed in Shiloh’s voice. Although she was serious, there was a joking tone to her words. “Are you truly that hypocritical?”

He breathed out heavily. “There is a vast difference between saving someone’s life and altering it.”

“I did not ask you to save me,” she said quickly, “and yet, you did.”

“I couldn’t watch you die,” Declan admitted, his voice thick with emotion. “I swore to your father that I would protect you.”

“Perhaps we understand one another now,” she explained softly.

“I still do not think this was a good idea,” Declan said after a moment’s hesitation.

“She knew that he would kill her,” Shiloh mused softly. “She knew she would die, and yet, she did it anyway. Is that not someone who deserves life?”

I tried to continue listening, but at that moment, the pain intensified, and my full attention was pulled back. As the fire attained an undulating rhythm, I tried to gain some semblance of time. However, each wave of agony that crashed on me wiped my mind of anything and everything. I was surprised that I could still remember everything that had led to this moment. I didn’t mean Constantine breaking my body. I meant _everything_.

_“Bella, you don’t have to do this … You don’t have to do this … We love having you here … Tell Charlie I said hi … Hello. My name is Edward Cullen … I didn’t have a chance to introduce myself last week … You are my life now … I’ll be right here as long as you need me … I don’t want you with me … Our presence doesn’t change anything … Did he have to be so cruel … They’re just not nice people … I need a fresh start … Looks like your seat’s with Collin …”_

My heartbeat started to even out.

“It is almost finished,” Shiloh whispered, her voice sounding so much different now. It was clear and pristine, as though someone had turned up the volume and chased away the static. “You can do this, Bella. Fight through it.”

Her words gave me courage, and I pressed on.

The pain changed almost immediately, receding from my fingers and toes slowly. It was a snail’s pace, but it brought forth an unthinkable amount of relief. This had to be it, right? Wrong. For as much as the pain diminished in my body, it reignited in my throat. I was parched. Dry as a bone. In addition, the fire in my heart had grown hotter. How was that possible?

The beating of my heart picked up again, frantic, pulsing, like nothing I had ever felt.

“Listen to that,” Shiloh said somewhere. Her voice sounded as though it was echoing. “Not much longer.”

My relief at her words was overpowered by the quickening thrum and searing fire.

Shiloh’s voice came again. “Keep the others away.”

_What? No!_ I wanted to see them. I had to know that they were all okay, that they had all survived. My toes twitched as the irritation broke through. A hand rested on my shoulder, and someone called to me. Could I answer her without screaming? I considered it for a moment, and then it felt as though the fire ripped a gaping wound in my chest. I was too blindsided to focus. My lips opened, and I screamed in agony.

My cries died down when the burning power floated away, nothing more than a memory. I felt a tiny fluttering from my chest, almost like a rapid tapping on a drum. Was that my heartbeat? It sounded like what I supposed a hummingbird’s heart would sound like. It was strange, and yet, natural. Despite how different it was, though, I could not be bothered by it. The complete absence of pain consumed me. It was all I could comprehend.

And then, with a deep breath, I opened my eyes and gazed above me in shock.

-

-

-

The light sparkled and twisted in a vast array of patterns and movements, filling the air with a colorful glaze. I inhaled deeply, filling my nasal cavity with the strangest scents, and the lifelong habit of breathing had suddenly become different. With every intake of breath, I could taste everything around me—from the musky wood, to the moisture-rich soil. A gentle aroma made its way through my nose, and I smiled. The elegant mixture of lilac and a subtle sweetness I couldn’t identify made me feel calm and content. 

There was a crackling sound from across the room; someone had lit a fire in the hearth.

As I stared hypnotically at the air, entranced by the new shades of color that appeared, a very particular sound caught my ear. Someone was breathing. Before I could consider what I should do, my body responded in a very bizarre way. As if on autopilot, I rolled to the left, pushing myself off whatever surface I was laying on, with open palms. Before I could register what was happening, I was sailing through the air. I landed in the far corner, growling angrily, looking for any sign of attack.

There was a tall figure in the far corner, masked by the shadows, but I could still see her with perfect clarity. Something was familiar about her. What was it? She stepped into the light, and the moment her face was illuminated, thousands of thoughts and memories came rushing back to me.

How many times had I stared at her and marveled at her otherworldly appearance? I thought I had known her face. I was wrong. For the first time, with the dimming shadows and limiting weakness of humanity taken off my eyes, I saw her face. I gasped and then struggled with my vocabulary, unable to find the right words.

The long scar on Shiloh’s face, the one I had always perceived as a desecration was luminous, and her features, sharp and unyielding to human eyes, were soft and beautiful now. Her skin shined, almost as though she were a star.

“Shiloh.”

I covered my mouth with my hand when I heard my voice. It was so different. Unlike the vampires that sounded like ringing bells, I sounded like a melodic choir. My voice was ruggedly beautiful, if that even made sense. I took a step forward and immediately found myself on the ground. For the first time, I looked down at my feet and gasped. For as long as I could remember, my legs had always been a little too stubby for my liking. Now, they were two, long spires, stretching majestically from my torso. I timidly reached out and touched them, noting the firm muscle beneath my torn jeans.

It was all so different, and my head started to spin mercilessly.

“Bella.” Shiloh knelt down in front of me, stealing my gaze away from my legs. She looked firm, but not unkindly so. “Remember your strength.”

It was difficult to listen to her with the enormous amount of objects warring for my attention. The fire from the hearth was throwing off a vast array of colors and shapes that I had never seen before. Across the air, dust motes floated through the air, and I could easily see the delicate interweaving of their structures. There was a little sliver of light coming from beneath a door, which I knew led to the outside world, and I desperately wanted to inspect what was on the other side.

Shiloh reclaimed my attention, and a small, timid smile played on her lips. “Rise.”

I looked down at my legs again, and with a deep breath, I hoisted myself up. The ground disappeared behind me, and for the first time, I was able to look Shiloh in the eye. How tall had I become? As I lifted my arms and extended them in front of me, noting how much they had grown, I felt myself smile.

Shiloh took a few steps back and looked at me expectantly, and I suppressed a smile. It was as though I were a toddler, taking my first steps. I guess for all intents and purposes, I was. I stepped forward, my legs a tiny bit shaky and wobbly, but the next one was stronger. With each step, I felt the reassurance of my new strength.

As I peered around the room, I noticed there was a long mirror attached to the wall. How had I never seen that before? I wanted to look at myself in the mirror. I had to see what I had become.

The instant I’d considered moving to the mirror, I was already there. I thought back to all the times I had run with the Walkers during my training. This was nothing. When I had been human, I had felt the Earth pick up and move beneath me, but not now. It was as though I simply took a step forward. There was no brief fragment of time in which the action occurred.

As I stared at the reflection in front of me, my first reaction was utter disbelief. There was no way the creature there was actually me. In fact, there was no way she could actually exist. The alien life before me was beautiful, but different than Esme or Rosalie. She was absolutely still, pale, and lovely, but her features were hardened and fierce. While everything about a vampire invited a human in, there was something about my features that repelled even me.

I gasped in horror as I lifted my hand to trace my jaw line. _Who is this?_ At first glance, I couldn’t find my face anywhere in the smooth, perfect planes, and my eyes! With my weak, human vision, I could never truly see the Walkers eyes. There were small, silver flecks in my irises. As I moved in and out of the light, their luminosity changed drastically. They reflected the light, almost like a cat.

“My eyes?” I whispered.

“A reaction to the venom,” Shiloh explained. “The reflective qualities will become stronger when you feed.”

I shook my head absently. My eyes would always be shiny. “I never knew. I could never see.”

My gaze trailed down my body, and I realized, for the first time, that I wasn’t wearing my clothes. Someone had dressed me in the Walkers’ battle attire. The black fabric curved around my body, the corset lacing stretching on both sides of my torso, as well as my thighs. I ran my hands over the front of my new clothes; it was a strong, pliable leather-like fabric.

“Where …” I started to ask where the clothes had come from, but I paused. Somehow I already knew.

“Nora,” Shiloh confirmed.

While I stared at my reflection, admiring the way I looked, I gasped. “She gave me a USB drive! It should be in my jeans. Where are they?”

Shiloh pointed to a pile of fabric in the corner. I was there before I could think of it, my fingers gripping the flimsy fabric and pulling it roughly to me. The denim ripped it my hands as I tried to dig into the pockets. So I threw caution to the wind and tore them in half. The USB tumbled to the ground at my feet.  Careful, so as not to accidentally shatter it, I picked it up and handed it to Shiloh.

She looked at me with a confused expression.

“Nora gave it to me,” I explained as Shiloh plucked the device from my palm. “I’m not sure what’s in it. She also gave me a journal.”

Shiloh’s head snapped up immediately. “Do you know where it might be?”

I frowned and explained everything that had happened before Constantine had kidnapped me. We both arrived at the same conclusion; the journal had to be in the secret passage she had pushed me into. There was no other place for it to be. I highly doubted Constantine had any interest in it.

“I’m so sorry,” I mumbled as the seconds wore on. “It’s my fault.”

Shiloh held up her hand to silence me. “Nora’s death was not of your making, Bella. She knew the danger that allying herself with us would bring.”

“I just wish I could have saved her,” I said morosely.

“Do not carry the weight of the dead,” Shiloh said, saddened. Before I could speak again, she added, “Come with me. You are expected.”

All cares of what had happened with Nora vanished, and I found myself following Shiloh out of the under dwelling, up the stairs, and into the outside world. I was filled with a strange, giddy impatience, and I realized it was because I desperately wanted to see the others. I wasn’t sure where this need came from. It was as though my feelings for them had been magnified since the change. I was practically climbing over Shiloh to get to them.

The moment I stepped into the sunlight, though, every worry I had melted away. As I stepped onto the grass, I realized that I was barefoot. The earth shouldn’t have felt so smooth and soft. The ground was springy beneath my feet, and I smiled at the sensation. The wind blew against the exposed areas of my body, and it felt cool against my skin.

The trees surrounding the dilapidated gas station, which hid the entrance to the Walkers’ den, were much more alive than I’d ever seen. I could see insects crawling up the trunks, flying through the air, and dodging the hunting birds. It was amazing being able to see in such clarity.

As I adjusted to the sharpness of the forest, a distinct thrumming caught my attention. I quickly spun around, my back arching, and a virulent snarl erupted from my lips. It was only a momentary lapse of control, though, because the moment I spied three familiar faces, I relaxed.

“So nice to see you, as well,” Tobin remarked sarcastically and crossed the arms over his chest. Una and Dex snickered beside him. “I’m a little disappointed that you didn’t attack one of us.”

I arched an eyebrow. “Oh really?”

I knew I was stronger, but I didn’t know just _how_ stronger I had become. My body reacted on its own, lunging forward, spinning through the air, and wrapping around Tobin’s torso. What I didn’t expect was for him to respond with equal intensity. He arched backward, and the simple movement sent me tumbling into the dirt. I was on my feet immediately, brushing debris from my body.

“Not bad,” Dex remarked, appreciatively, and he started to circle me. His eyes were running up and down, inspecting me. He moved in close, running his hands along my neck, arms, stomach, hips, and legs. To anyone else, it would seem strange, but I trust him. “Good muscle tone. Her bones have set properly. No sign of tearing. Adequate height proportion. All in all,” he smiled broadly, “a very fine change.”

I grinned. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“Do you remember anything?” Una asked curiously.

“What she means is, do you remember going full blown kamikaze?” Tobin joked. “I can’t determine if that was the bravest or stupidest act I have ever seen.”

“Quite possibly both,” Una commented.

I shrugged and glanced back at Shiloh. “I couldn’t let her die. She’s too important.”

Mere seconds before the blade had met my back, I had heard a voice no louder than a whisper in my ear. It was soft, melodic, and chilled me to the bone, but it was also familiar. _The true measure of strength is not knowing when to take a life, but when to spare one._ It was at that moment that I knew I had made the right decision.

“Ugh, this sentimental moment is killing me,” Tobin grumbled, glancing between Shiloh and me. “Where are Rix and Collin? I want to see some carnage.”

I frowned, but before I could ask what they were talking about, a long, single-note howl came from the distance. Una opened her mouth and released a similar one. Moments later, the sound came again, but this time it was much closer. Some kind of communication? A shiver trailed up my spine, and without meaning to, my body curved forward, my back arching in a defensive position. I had no idea who was coming. I had to be ready, my mind told me.

The sound of footsteps met my ears, and I started spinning, wondering what direction they were coming from. Was it coming from the north? The south? West, perhaps? It couldn’t be east. As I continued to debate with myself, a firm hand rested on my shoulder, and I glanced up to see Dex standing beside me.

“Take a deep breath,” he instructed gently, and I promptly obeyed. When I tasted the air, however, there was a soft, delicate scent wafting around me. It was alien to me, though, and I promptly hissed. “It is only Riklin. Once you are adjusted, you will be able to find our scents anywhere. You will become a marvelous tracker.”

I smiled bashfully, overcome by his praise. Regardless of his reassurance, though, my back did not relax until I heard Rix’s playful voice within the trees. He burst through the tree line, a bright smile on his face, his blond hair swinging in his eyes, and I gasped at his clothes. Unlike the others, he was wearing regular street clothes. However, they were torn, mangled, and stained.

As he moved closer, the air picked up and brought the smell of him to me. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply, tasting rich sunshine, soft cotton, and a warm fragrance that made me sigh. There was something else, though. Something enticing, something that tantalized my senses and made my eyes roll back into my head with pleasure. It was getting closer … closer … closer—

“Goodness, Bella!” Rix cried, and my eyes popped open immediately to find me with my hands wrapped around his midsection. My face was pushed against his clothing, and I was licking his shirt. I stumbled backward as the others began laughing. What was wrong with me? Rix, always the gentlemen, smiled and said, “Do not worry. I have that effect on most women.”

“If only!” Tobin clapped him on the shoulder before addressing me, “You were just reacting to the venom on his clothes. Don’t worry about it.”

“The venom?” I stared down at Rix’s clothing, noting with satisfaction and slight disappointment that the scent had been significantly diminished. How could I crave something that much? Was that what it was like for Edward? I shuddered at the thought of him. “I didn’t know it would be … like that.”

Dex was quick to reassure me, “Your reactions are strong because you’re newly turned. It will lessen in a few months.”

“Months?” My eyes widened. Did that mean I would be required to stay away from the general population until then? What would I tell my parents? _My parents! Renee! Phil!_ As far as I knew, they had absolutely no idea what had happened to me. I didn’t even know what day it was. “I need to get home.”

Dex cast a wary look in Shiloh’s direction, before saying, “You are home.”

“You know what I mean,” I responded tersely. “I need to let my parents know that I’m okay. They must be going crazy. How long was I out?”

“About two days,” Una informed me. She looked uncomfortable as she added, “Bella, it’s really not a good idea for you to see your parents. At least, not right now.”

I felt a pang of indignation flare up. “Why not?”

“Think of how you just acted around Rix,” she explained softly. “If you get upset for any reason, you could seriously hurt someone. How would you feel if you accidentally killed your mother?”

I started to feel a bit panicked. “Can’t I at least call her? It’s really important that she knows I’m not dead. I know it doesn’t matter to you, but my father is the chief of police. If I just disappear, it will cause problems.”

I had told them this before, but I still couldn’t stress enough the severity of the situation. Then again, I couldn’t hide the fact that I didn’t want to leave my parents with no closure. Although Renee had Phil, Charlie had no one. I couldn’t do that to him.

“How about we discuss this later?” Dex hedged diplomatically. He cut me off when I tried to continue the conversation. “You are correct, Bella. It is important that we decide what is to be done about your parents, but at the moment, there is nothing we can do. You must feed. It will make a difference, trust me.”

As much as I wanted to resolve the issue with the ties to my humanity, I knew that Dex was right. There was a tingle in the back of my throat that was getting sharper with each passing minute. In fact, the more I thought of it, the more it bothered me.

“So how are we going to do this?” I felt awkward when the words slipped out of my mouth, but I didn’t regret them. How on earth was I going to feed? Did they have a storage unit somewhere close? I had a fuzzy memory of watching Collin hunt vampires, only to collect their venom in a big urn. Something about that turned me off.

Almost as if he could sense my curiosity, Rix started laughing. “Do not worry, Bella. Collin is bringing your first meal.”

I was confused. He made it sound as though Collin were stopping at a fast food joint to grab me a burger and fries. What was Rix talking about? “I don’t understand.”

“You will,” he responded cryptically. He turned his head to the left. “He is close.”

As the last of his words left his lips, I could hear a pair of footsteps echoing through the forest. Someone was coming, but they weren’t traveling as lightly as Rix had been. Every now and then, the footsteps would slow significantly before picking back up. What was happening? The strangeness of the rhythm made me tense up, and I started backing away.

Rix stopped my backward movement by calling me forward. “We have a present for you, Bella. Something, we believe, will make you feel better about your predicament.”

Just then, Collin sprang from the surrounding foliage, the light shining across his face, but he wasn’t alone. He was dragging a long, slender figure by the ankle. The creature in his grasp sparkled under the sunlight, telling me that it was a vampire, and I felt a rumble in my chest. My eyes locked on the struggling figure, and something changed. I felt anxious, antsy, and desperate.

Collin righted himself, and the moment our eyes met, he smiled. “Look at you. I leave you alone for a couple days and this is what happens?” He followed my wandering gaze to the body behind him. “A gift for you, Bella. Someone, I know, you’ve been dying to meet.”

With one hand, Collin pulled the body forward, and the vampire was forced on his stomach. He raised his head, and I gasped. It was Steven, the one that had outed the Walkers to the Volturi. He was trembling in fear, and his gaze was stuck on mine. My lips pulled back over my teeth, and I released an unnatural cry.

“What is it?” Collin asked me in a teasing voice. He was savoring this moment. “What do you want, Bella?”

When I finally stopped the animalistic sounds and found my voice, I pointed at Steven. “Him. I want him.”

Steven’s eyes widened, and his mouth slackened in terror. A slew of apologies and pleas for mercy came from him, but the Walkers were deaf to it. To me, his cries for leniency were another language, one I could not decipher. Mercy was no longer in my vocabulary. Not for him, anyway.

Collin took a step closer to me, and I started breathing faster, quicker. This was it. My first kill. I had never been so satisfied with a meal before. Had I not had such strong feelings for the vampire before me, I probably would have laughed. Before I could get my hands on my prey, however, Shiloh interceded. I watched in shock as she pulled Steven away from Collin, before she turned and set the vampire free.

I gasped as Steven disappeared back into the forest, and a cry erupted from my lips. “No! He was mine! Why, Shiloh?”

She spun back to me. “If he is yours, if you truly want him, then you may have him. Go get him.”

I instinctively knew what her rationalization was. I was a hunter. No one should bring me my meal.

“Don’t think about it,” Collin suggested and took a step back. “Just follow your instincts.”

The wind shifted, and above the smells of the trees, animals, and dirt, there was another scent that dominated them in my mind. It was a sweet and savory smell, one that made my insides come to life. My entire world shifted and centered on that one scent. I didn’t stop to think, hurdling past the Walkers and into trees, racing after the new fragrance so attractive that there wasn’t a choice. It was compulsory. In the distance, I could hear the Walkers as they shouted their approval, but they were an afterthought. My entire being was focused. It was a strange feeling, letting everything that I had thought as important melt away. I liked it.

The scent overruled everything. My thirst was growing, so painful now that it blotted out everything.

I could see movement in the trees ahead of me, another figure darting between the greenery in an attempt to escape. I was gaining on him, and a rising sound ripped its way up my throat as his figure came into focus. The angry snarl, coming from my own mouth, was so unexpected that it almost shocked me out of my concentration. With a light bound that sent me flying over my prey’s head, I sailed through the air and landed before him. He shivered and hissed at the sight of me, clawing the space between us, his red eyes betrayed his fear.

Before he could think of running again, I was on him. My strength forcing him down to the wet earth while he flailed and struggled. He shouted weak threats, which only spurred me on further. At one point, he was able to get me on my back, and he hovered over me in a threatening manner. I quickly pushed him off. His weight was nothing more than a pillow to me.

It wasn’t much of a fight. After only a minute, he seemed to give in, succumb to his fate.

I stared down at him, and there was a brief flicker of remorse. My human side’s last act of defiance. “Why? Why did you have to tell them about us? Why couldn’t you have just left us alone?”

“You killed her!” Steven spat. “You took Jillian from me!”

“She tried to kill me!” I snarled back, bringing my face less than a foot away from him.

“So what?” He glowered at me, baring his teeth. “That is what my kind does!”

“And my kind kills yours,” I countered viciously. “You crossed the line when you confronted my mother!”

He smiled weakly. “All’s fair in love and war, my dear Bella.”

“That it is.”

My teeth sought his throat and cut through his hard skin like butter. His eyes went wide, and although he tried to scream, it was pointless. My attack had destroyed his vocal chords, so all he could make was a low groan. The moment the venom hit my tongue, I was in heaven. It was cold, almost like drinking the water from the North Pole, but it soothed the itching thirst as I drank. As soon as I shoved off his dry body, the burning in my throat had diminished significantly, although it was still there. Rather than leave him there and allow his body to repair itself, I tore him to shreds. The feeling was oddly fulfilling, perverse though it was.

I stood up and stared down at the mess I had made. In the past, such acts of violence had horrified me, but not this time. I felt accomplished. As I stood there, I glanced down at my clothing and realized that they had suffered. Nora’s attire had been torn across the stomach, exposing my body beneath as well as my legs.

“Hmmm,” a familiar voice said playfully, and I turned to see Collin watching me from one of the trees. He was leaning casually against the trunk, watching me with a snide smile.

“What?” I squared my shoulders.

“Nothing,” he answered with a shake of his head. “I just didn’t know you’d take to this so smoothly.”

“I appreciate your confidence,” I retorted dryly. “Why am I still thirsty?”

“Because you’re newly turned,” he explained, hopping down from the tree. As he explained how my thirst would regulate in a few months, he pulled out a silver lighter and set Steven’s remains aflame. “You’re a messy eater.”

I shrugged. “I was upset.”

Dex was right. Now that I had fed, my head was much clearer, and I felt more rational. It was more than that; I felt in control.

“Now you see why you can’t go see your parents?” Collin gave me a pointed look.

“I understand their reasoning, but I can’t abandon my parents,” I said slowly. Perhaps my sense of security was false, but I was pretty confident that I wouldn’t hurt Renee or Phil. “I need to see them.”

“I can’t say that I understand what you’re going through. I was pretty much the black sheep of my family,” he said. “However, if it means that much to you, you can ask Shiloh to go with you. She’ll probably agree to it.”

I shook my head. “I don’t need a babysitter.”

“Yes, you do,” he said smarmily. “She’ll be there for protection.”

I was so shocked; I just stood there for a moment. Then I started laughing. “From what? My parents?”

He heaved an exasperated sigh and chided, “She would protect them _from_ you.”

The realization that I might accidentally hurt my parents shook me to the core. Now that I had fed, the severity of the situation hit me like a ton of bricks. What if I tried to give her a hug and ended up crushing her spine? Then again, what if she saw me and was horrified? So many outcomes that were unfavorable. Was Shiloh trying to protect me from this?

Regardless, if I disappeared, I had a feeling that Charlie would never recover. He would scour the Earth in search of me, and he would probably die lonely and heartbroken. I had to save him from that.

“I have to try,” I whispered, staring at the earth beneath my feet. “I can’t just vanish.”

I doubted any of the Walkers could understand my need to provide my parents with closure, but I didn’t care. I would find a way for them to know. As I turned back in the direction I had come from, I caught Collin staring at me.

“What?” I glanced around, wondering if he had seen something. “What is it?”

“You,” he commented whimsically, taking a step closer. I tensed as he closed the distance between us. “You’re just so different, and yet, still the same.”

He reached out slowly, the look in his eyes questioning if it was okay, and after I reassured him with a nod of my head, he placed his hand on my bare arm. His touch seemed to sweep beneath the surface of my skin, right through my bones, down my spine, and trembled in my stomach. My tension blossomed into a warmth, a yearning. The depth of the feeling scared me, but rather than run, as was my body’s desire, I froze. His other hand found the opposite shoulder, and he stared into my eyes with a look that was not foreign to me.

As I stared into his eyes, marveling how, like with Shiloh, I could look straight into his eyes without craning my head back, I felt a rush of gratitude wash over me. Had Collin not interceded in my life, I would have either died or settled into a boring, mundane existence. He and the others had given me another chance at life.

“Thank you,” I whispered softly.

The right side of his mouth tugged upward as he asked, “For what?”

“Everything.” I reached up and cupped his face. I wasn’t sure why I did it. It just felt … right. He was clearly not expecting it, by his raised eyebrows and slightly opened mouth. “I wouldn’t be here if you hadn’t followed me into the park that day.”

He reached up and took my hand in his. “My pleasure.”

Awkwardness settled on me, and I started to pull away, but Collin’s fingers remained latched onto my wrist. When I tried to unhinge him, his other hand slid around my waist. What was happening?

Our eyes met, and he said, “I just want to …” before he pressed his lips against mine.

Kissing Collin was unlike anything I had ever experienced. While Edward’s lips had been two blocks of ice, Collin’s were blissfully warm and soft. His lips parted slightly, and his breath escaped in a delicious sigh. There was a rumble in his chest, one that I inadvertently reciprocated. Was I purring? My eyes closed, and I felt his hands wrap around the small of my back. It was so different—and I liked it.

When it came to Edward, I had felt trapped in his arms. His hold was unrelenting. With Collin, I felt stable and equal. That was what we were, after all. We were equals. I had kept myself closed off for so long, just as he had. It felt good to have some form of physical contact, some form of physical intimacy. I sighed and reached up, wrapping my arms around his neck.

That was when I heard the crunch.

Collin winced and pulled away from me, a pained sound coming from his lips.

“What happened?” I gasped when he turned around. His skin was tented near his shoulder blade. A bone was poking against the interior of his body. Had I done that? “Oh god! I’m so sorry!”

To my utter shock, he started laughing. “It’s all right, Bella. It looks much worse than it is. I haven’t had an injury like this in years. It feels … invigorating.”

“Really?” I said, cautiously optimistic. “It doesn’t hurt?”

“I never said that,” he clarified, wincing as he shoved the offending lump in his skin down. There was a sickening crunch as he rolled his shoulders back, probably trying to force the bone into its spot before it healed at the wrong angle. “Ouch.”

I couldn’t help but giggle. I had actually harmed a supernatural creature without even trying. “I’m sorry.”

As a loud snap echoed through the area, he stopped moving his shoulders, and his expression returned to normal. “It’s nothing. Although I probably should have Dex take a look at it.”

He looked like he wanted to kiss me again, but rather than act on his urges, he took my hand and led me back to where the rest of the Walkers were waiting. Una offered me a knowing smirk, which I reciprocated. For some reason, I had no desire to blush and become embarrassed. Was that strange? Probably. Did I care? Not in the least. I had changed so much. Not just my body, but my mind was different. The way I processed information and regarded life was different.

I felt free. 


	28. Chapter Twenty Eight

Chapter Twenty Eight

There was a terrible side-effect of becoming a Walker, one that was dreadfully similar to becoming a vampire. The memories that I had clung to as a human were becoming weaker and weaker. My life before becoming a hunter was hazy at best, but I could only recall a fraction of it with perfect clarity.  I could no longer remember what the Cullens looked life, nor my human friends back in Forks. Although I could recall the color and consistency of my father’s hair and the smell of his aftershave, I couldn’t remember the sound of his voice. I knew I was missing something. I knew that those memories should be there, and yet, they weren’t. It was very frustrating.

The moment I had realized that my memories were not what they once were, that the tiny details about my life prior to the Walkers were fading, I panicked and had a meltdown of epic proportions. If it weren’t for Shiloh, I would have certainly hurt someone. From that moment on, I realized that I had to keep myself distracted from thoughts of what I could and could not remember. The last thing I wanted was to hurt someone.

I shook my head to clear away the anxiety I felt over the gaps in my memory. It wouldn’t help to be a bag of nerves when the door opened, when _she_ came home. I was poised in my mother’s house, waiting to give her the surprise of her life. Why Shiloh had given me leave to do this, I didn’t know, especially considering she was against it, but I wasn’t going to argue with her. I needed this closure in my life. Silently debating on how she would react, I sat on the living room couch, the television playing before me. The news anchor was covering the fire that had broken out at Pages. My frown deepened as they noted that the owner of the bookstore had not been found yet.

I wanted to forget the sounds of Nora’s screams when Constantine had set her ablaze, but it was nearly impossible. Each time I was alone, or every time I shut my eyes, I saw the bloodred flames climbing higher and higher on the walls, as well as heard that horrible, ear-piercing screech that cut through my soul. How I wished I could go back and stop that vicious bastard from killing my friend, my confidante. She had meant so much to so many people, and he had destroyed her.

My mind fell to a hush as I heard the unmistakable rumble of a car pulling down the street. I wasn’t sure how I knew it was Renee’s car, but I knew regardless. The tires rolled up on the driveway, and I felt my back straighten significantly as two pairs of footsteps started toward the door. The key slipped into the keyhole, and the knob started to turn. This was it. There was no going back. There was no way of magically becoming human again. All that mattered was whether Renee could recover from this.

I took a deep breath and waited as the door pushed open.

Two soft, human bodies entered the threshold, and they stopped the moment their eyes fell on me. For a moment, all I could do was stare at them. My mother’s face was only slightly familiar to me, and the longer I stared at her, the more I could remember. A smile crept across my lips as I recalled all of her cooking mishaps that I had suffered through as a child, the many road trips, and the love I had felt from her.

“Bella?” Renee’s voice faltered in the middle, and she started forward. “Is that you?”

The red stains on her cheeks, as well as the blotchiness around her eyes told me that she had cried for me. Her expression switched between worried and accusing. The sloppy thumping of her heart was distracting, and I was surprised by how much it annoyed me. She was milliseconds from reaching me when her eyes registered the changes. Even though I was seated on the couch, she could see how my legs had lengthened, the rigidness of my posture, and the sharp angles of my face.

“Hi, Mom.” I blanched at the sound of my own voice. It was wrong. My mother stopped, and the change in her demeanor told me that she had heard it, too.

I watched as her relief melted to horror, horror to confusion, confusion to anger. “Do you have any idea what you have put us through, young lady? Your father’s probably on his way—”

I felt panic surge through me.

“Call him,” I said instantly, cutting her off. The thought of my father waltzing into the vampire cesspool that was Jacksonville horrified me. I had to keep him in Washington, in his little home in the clouds. “Call Charlie right now, and tell him I’m okay.”

“Not so fast, young lady,” Renee said, pointing her finger at me. I could see her hands trembling as I stared at her. She was afraid. “You are going to tell me where you’ve been and why you look”—she gestured to me—“so different.”

“I will tell you what I can,” I offered hesitantly, “but only if you call Charlie.”

There was a look of resistance in my mother’s eyes, a desire to challenge me, but thankfully, she suppressed it. I watched as she pulled out her cell phone and pressed a few buttons. She eyed me speculatively as she waited patiently, the phone to her ear.

“Hi, Charlie. It’s Renee,” she said in a strained voice. “She’s home … No. She’s fine … No. Not yet. I wanted to call and let you know … Okay, I’ll tell her to call just as soon as I get through killing her … All right. Talk to you later, Charlie.”

I wanted to laugh at the way Renee joked with Charlie, to ask her what he had said in response to her snarky comment, but I didn’t. I merely stayed where I was—stoic and immovable. A rock. Now I understood why Shiloh was always serious and emotionless. When you were devoid of emotion and care, those around you showed you their true colors. As I stared up at Renee, I could see her metaphorical seams coming apart. She was stretched thin, butter spread over too much toast. She was barely holding on, and something told me that it had everything to do with me.

I wanted so much to run to my mother, to wrap my arms around her and tell her that I would never leave, but it wasn’t a possibility. My strength was barely under control. Getting too emotional could cause another meltdown, and that was the last thing I needed. So in order to keep my parents safe, I had to sit there and remain in limbo—caught in between caring and indifference.

Very slowly, Renee lowered herself onto the couch beside me, running her hands up and down her thighs to force out the tension. Finally, she turned to me and asked again, “Bella?”

I spoke in a lower tone, trying to replicate my original voice. I was only marginally successful. “It’s really me.”

Her jaw locked, and her eyebrows pulled together. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” I promised. “Healthy as a horse.”

Her eyes roamed over my body, and she absently shook her head. “What happened to you?”

“Everything you see here,” I said, lowering my eyes to my elongated body, “was absolutely necessary.”

“Necessary?” She said the word as though she didn’t believe it, almost as though I had spoken a dead language to her. Her brow furrowed as she looked me over once again. “What does that mean? What was necessary?”

I had hoped that Renee could see past the changes and read the remorse in my face, but I quickly realized that I was expecting too much. We sat there staring at one another for almost a solid minute. Finally, she blew out a long gust of air and turned away from me.

“I want to know what happened to you, Bella,” Renee insisted, and when I tried to offer her another vague excuse, she cut me off. “You’ve been secretive ever since you came here. After everything you went through in Washington, Phil and I decided that it was best you have your space, but this is something else. What did you do to yourself?”

“I didn’t _do_ anything to myself, Mom,” I argued, feeling my temper rise. I knew full well that I was not fully sated, and therefore, getting angry was not the wisest decision, but I couldn’t help myself. The way Renee was looking at me bothered me. I anxiously took a deep breath to calm myself. “This saved my life. Why can’t you accept that?”

“Do you even realize what you’re asking?” Phil, silent up until now, exclaimed. “You look as though you’ve grown a foot, Bella. It’s not physically possible without some kind of surgery.”

“I didn’t get surgery,” I answered snidely.

“Then, what happened?” He pressed.

“I can’t tell you,” I stated, my voice faltering. Shiloh had made me swear not to reveal any intricate details about the Walkers. She had even frowned on sharing the truth about vampires with them. As I sat before them, though, I felt my resolve caving. I wanted to tell them. I wanted to keep them in my life. However, as I thought back to Steven showing up outside my house, I was reminded of why they couldn’t know. “The details on my life are need to know.”

Renee pursed her lips. “Fine. You don’t want to tell us everything. I can’t force you to be honest with me, Bella, but I’m done with the lies.”

“I’m sorry,” I said calmly, “but you can’t know the truth. It’s for your own protection as well as my own. Can you go along with the lies for me?” I reached forward and touched her leg, she emitted a small gasp.  “Mom, I’m still the same. I did grow. I am different physically, but underneath, I’m still me. I’m still your daughter. I can protect myself now. I can protect you.”

“Protect me from wha— She stopped herself and sighed deeply. “Need to know?”

I nodded apologetically.

She huffed once, and her glare receded into a worn look. “You could have given us some warning.”

“Would it have made this easier?” I cracked a smile.

Phil crossed to us and took a seat on the opposite side of the couch. He held his head in his hands. “I’m still confused.”

“Me, too,” Mom mumbled, and she offered me a bleak smile. She hated secrets, unless she was in on them. “I’m trying, Bella. I really am. This is just … very strange. I mean, you went missing for a few days only to turn up looking … different.”

“I know,” I reassured her. “I don’t expect you to fully accept this. Just know that I’m still me, and I love you both the same.”

Renee pushed away from the couch, resting a hand on her head. “We’ll need to buy you some more clothes. I doubt anything you own fits you now. I’ll have to buy you a bigger bed, too. You’re on your own once you get to college, though, and—“

“That’s not necessary,” I said slowly, trying to look anywhere but at her. The next words that came out of my mouth were some of the hardest I’ve ever had to speak. “I’m not staying.”

Renee blinked spastically, while Phil’s mouth hung wide open. I stared back at them, unwilling to let my resolve cave. In the past, I was more than willing to cater to the needs of my parents; I refused to do it now. Shiloh had made it abundantly clear that they couldn’t know about the Walkers, and I would see to it that they didn’t.

“What do you mean?” Renee’s voice was surprisingly weak.

“I can’t stay here with you,” I explained gently. “It’s not that I don’t want to. I just don’t belong here.”

“Forgive me, Bella,” Phil interjected, irritated. “If you don’t belong here, where do you belong?”

We were back to this: the part of my story that I couldn’t share with them. How was I going to get them to let me go if I couldn’t be honest with them? Maybe Shiloh had been right. Maybe it was useless. Maybe I should have left an ambiguous note and vanished. It certainly would have been better than this. As their voices began to rise in protest, unifying into one giant cacophony of displeasure, I let my head slump down.

“For whatever reason, I don’t belong here.” I slowly lifted my head and gazed at them. “I have to go away.”

“Is it me?” Renee rushed over. “I’m sorry I’ve been so hard on you, Bella. I just didn’t want to see you grieve over that stupid boy. I only wanted what was best for you.”

“This _is_ what’s best for me, Mom,” I insisted. “Leaving will make me happy.”

“Where are you going?” She sniffled, suppressing tears that started to fall regardless. “What will you do for money? Food? You’re just a child, Bella.”

“No. I’m not, Mom,” I replied firmly. “I can take care of myself.”

“Will I ever see you again?” She looked at me hopefully, begging me not to say the words that I was supposed to say. Somehow, though, I think she knew that I couldn’t see her again. The tears started to fall in two unrelenting streams.

After a few beats of silence, I admitted, “I don’t know.”

She lowered her head and started quietly crying. Phil came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. Without much hesitation, she turned and buried her face in his chest. The sight, although heartbreaking, made me happy. My mother would grieve, but she would have someone to help her through it. She had someone to turn to in her hour of need.

“I love you, Mom,” I whispered as I rose from my seated position and moved past her. “I’m so glad she has you, Phil. Take care of each other.”

It was difficult for me to express my feelings with my mom—I got that from my father’s side—especially since I was the one hurting them. I stopped beside them, and I looked down at my hands. Could I do it? Very carefully and slowly, I lifted my hands and placed them gently around her waist. She turned and immediately enveloped herself in my embrace. We were so different. She embraced awkward moments and made them hilarious, while I ran and hid. This was no time to be self conscious, though.

I tried to keep my amazement to myself, but it was difficult. I was doing it! I was touching a human without hurting them! Her tiny, five-foot-four frame fit easily in my now, six-foot frame. I concentrated on reining in my strength so I wouldn’t accidentally crush her.

“I love you, both, forever,” I told them. “Never forget that.”

“We love you, too,” Phil said.

I looked up to him and said one word: “Charlie.”

My father wouldn’t understand what had happened to me, as well as why I couldn’t stay home. He would have to be told something, anything to assuage his worries. In fact, they would have to lie to him. I looked to Phil with an eager, pleading expression.

“I’ll take care of him,” Phil agreed with a nod. I smiled. I had come to rely on him heavily; he had never let me down. “You just make sure to take care of yourself.”

I smiled and agreed, and as the seconds pressed on, I pulled myself away from my mother. I left the arms of the woman who had given birth to me, who had taught me to ride a bike, the one who had always been there. It hurt, a lot. The sorrow raged against my control, but I knew it was necessary. They couldn’t see me again. I was too different, and that fact made me dangerous. The door closed behind me, and as I leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss to the wooden paneling, I turned and ran into the night. The residential housing blew past me, as did the metropolitan labyrinth. I paid no mind to where I was going; I just let my instincts guide me. My instincts—and my grief.

I eventually found myself on top of a high building, gazing down at the lights that were illuminating the darkness. A slow, shuddering breath came from my lips, and the impact of what I had just done came crashing down on me. I ran a hand through my hair and shook my head, tears pouring from my eyes.

“Are you okay?” A familiar voice called, and I glanced behind me. There was no one there. “I’m over here.”

I turned and noticed Una perched on the neighboring building. She was almost fifty yards away from me, but it sounded as though she was right beside me.

I sighed. “Not really.”

With a simple bound, she scaled the distance separating us and sidled up beside me. “What’s wrong?”

I sighed. “It’s just hard to say goodbye.”

She rested her hand on my shoulder. “I know, but it’s necessary. They’ll be safer without any knowledge of you.”

“It’ll be better when they get out of this city,” I said as I absently started pulling chunks of rock away from the roof. “Dex is going to call Phil tomorrow about a new job in North Carolina.”

I didn’t like the idea of my parents being so far away, regardless whether it was a necessity. It felt strange that I would be technically living on my own, without Renee, Phil, or Charlie to oversee my activities. There was a freedom there, but it was one I couldn’t enjoy.

“That’s good.”

I leaned back, looking at her. “What are you doing here? I figured you’d be off with the others.”

“I’m keeping an eye on you,” she admitted with a grin. When I turned and scowled at her, she just laughed. “You’re still newly turned. The last thing you need is to maul a leech in front of the humans. Trust me, we don’t need that kind of exposure.”

“I’m in control,” I said, pouting my lips slightly. Una’s laugh was infectious, however, and I soon found myself in stitches beside her. “Okay, maybe you’re right.”

“Maybe?” She hitched an eyebrow.

I smiled at her, content and somewhat surprised by the happiness that had spread through me. Although my departure from my human life still clung to the corners of my mind like a black shadow, the white light of joy I felt around the Walkers was quick to blot it out. They would be there with me. Forever. A never ending source of strength, reassurance, and comfort.

“Una?” I heard her hum a response. “Is it worth it? To follow Shiloh?”

She stared at me ponderously for a moment.

“I never told you where I came from, did I?” She spoke softly, her voice filled with conviction. I shook my head as I realized, other than what Rix had told me, I knew absolutely nothing about her. “Before meeting Shiloh, I was working as a scullery maid in a whore house.” My brow furrowed in shock. “The only reason I was not a … working girl, per say, was because my mother was their seamstress. She put in extra hours so that I would not be required to ‘sell my soul,’ as she put it, but she was aging. Whenever she died, I would have been forced to earn my keep, if you get my drift.

“Had I not met Shiloh, had she not introduced me to this life, I would be dead. I probably would have contracted some terrible disease, or I would have been killed by a man who could not pay for me. I would have been burned, and my bones would have been tossed into an unmarked grave. Do you know why I chose to abandon that world? Because I saw it for what it truly was. I saw the disproportion between the classes, the senseless definitions of what determined one’s social status, and the violence that mankind is capable of. But it’s more than that. I _knew_ I was different. I always felt as though I was existing on a different plane of reality.

“Now that everything has changed in the world, now that there is some semblance of equality, I still would not choose any other way of life. Some Walkers do. They abandon their people and pretend to be human. They live rich, fulfilling lives. Do you know why I do not? Because I love my life. I thank Shiloh every chance that I get for pulling me away, for convincing me to leave the human world.  The one thing you do not understand, Bella, is that I left my mother, too. I up and deserted her. Unlike you, though, I did not say goodbye. No note. I just vanished.”

“Don’t you feel regret or remorse for doing that to her?” I asked.

“No.” She shook her head. “Because what worth is there in feeling regret over something I cannot change?”

“You could have changed it, though,” I insisted. “You could have refused Shiloh and stayed with your mother. You could have stayed human.”

“Yes,” she said with a laugh, “and maybe I could have lived happily ever after with a prince. Hypotheticals will not assuage your guilt. They will only make it worse.”

“You’re wrong,” I said after a long pause, and I smirked at her confused frown. “I’m pretty sure Rix qualifies as a prince.”

She groaned as I laughed. “I suppose you’re right about that.”

“Seriously, though,” I said. “Do you think I did the right thing?”

“Truthfully?” She asked. I nodded. “Yes. You made the right choice. There is no reason to give your mother false hopes. Besides, you’re one of us. You do not belong with them.”

_One of us._ Those three, little words filled me with something that I had once written away as impossible for me. Happiness, complete happiness. For the first time in as long as I could remember, I felt as though I belonged, like I was right where I was meant to be—and I loved it.

-

* * *

 

-

The sun was setting on the horizon, and I smiled and watched as it slowly crept beneath the skyline. Collin’s head was resting across my outstretched legs, and in his hands was Madelyn’s journal. He still couldn’t read it, and I had a feeling that even if he could, he wouldn’t. Regardless of how many times I had asked him for certain details about her, he remained closed off. It was probably one of those things that he would never really get over. I could accept that. In fact, I completely understood.

I breathed out heavily and let my torso collapse to the rough surface of the rooftop. Gazing at the sky as it slowly faded into twilight made me feel weird. Regardless of the fact that my memory of him was hazy at best, Edward still clung to me like an itch I couldn’t scratch. Collin, noticing the change in my demeanor, closed the journal and sat up.

“Problems?” He asked curiously, and when I shook my head, he smiled. He set the journal on the ground beside him and turned over, resting his chin on my stomach. “What’s on your mind?”

“Nothing in particular,” I commented, lowering my eyes and inspecting my nails. I was avoiding his gaze, and he knew it. He lifted himself up and pressed his forehead to mine, forcing me to look at him. I tried to fight his pleading look, but it was futile. “My memories are bothering me.”

His brow creased as he pulled away, and his mouth folded down in concern. “What kind of memories.”

“Ones that I would rather forget,” I muttered.

“We all have those,” he explained apologetically, his fingers tickling the skin on my upper arm until I snickered. He beamed at the sound. “The best advice I can share is that it gets easier to deal with them. Some vampires forget their past. We’re not so lucky.”

I shrugged. “I don’t mind remembering my family. I just wish I could make … other people disappear.”

“Let me guess,” Collin said in a snarky manner, his eyes sparking with playfulness. He rose to his feet, pulling me to a standing position, and proceeded to wrap his arms around my waist and spin me around. He led me in a series of waltz-like movements, a mockingly melodramatic tone in his voice. “There was a boy back in your home town. He swept you”—he lifted me into the air, despite my protests—“off your feet and showed you things you had never thought possible.”

My face fell, and I felt my stomach sink into a pit. Everything he said, every single word was correct.

Collin, blind to the emotional torture he was inflicting with his every word, lowered me onto my feet and took my hands in his. “And then, for whatever reason, it was ended. He broke your heart, and so you left, searching for a different life in the South.” Collin laughed, but as he pulled away, he noticed the look on my face, and he stopped. “Wait. Am I right?”

I silently lowered my head, ashamed.  

“Christ, I was just teasing you. I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings,” he apologized anxiously. I waved off his apology and smiled bleakly, but his words reverberated through my mind. Collin must have noticed, because he wrapped his arms around me again and pulled me close. “There was someone there that you … loved?”

“It’s really not a big deal,” I insisted, pushing away from him. “It’s in the past.”

“If you say so,” he commented, but he continued to stare at me with a strange look. When I asked him what his problem was, he growled. “This is a new feeling for me.”

“What is?” I asked.

“Jealousy,” he commented.

This caught me by surprise, and I breathed out heavily before answering, “Trust me. You don’t have to be jealous.”

“Women typically say that,” he remarked, “when the man should definitely be jealous.”

I leaned against the door, which led to the stairwell, and I sighed. “He told me that he didn’t want me and that I don’t belong with him. I was just a distraction, nothing more. You have nothing to worry about.”

I hung my head and crossed my arms over my chest. Even though I had come a long way since that day in the woods, the words still stung. Edward was a selfish bastard, but the memory of his words still bothered me. I wasn’t sure what it was that hit a nerve, but it was there anyway. I was so consumed with these annoying, repetitive thoughts, that I didn’t realize Collin was approaching me.

“Did he really say that to you?” His words were only barely a whisper. I nodded. He gently grazed my right cheek with his hand. “I could kill him for hurting you, you know that, right? It’s written in the bylaws of the Walker Code. Any being that affects the mental or physical wellbeing of our kind is subject to our laws. However, I happen to agree with half of what he said.”

My head snapped up, and I snarled in warning.

He held up his hand. “You don’t belong with him. You belong with me—with us.” My narrowed, angry eyes widened and softened, and I breathed a sigh of relief. “Come here, you.”

He pulled me into another hug, and I let myself crush against him. Collin had an uncanny way of making the entire world melt away. With just a few words, he could bring me back from the brink of despair and center me. I smiled against his shoulder as he traced circles on the bare skin of my arms.

When he released me, I looked up at him, curious. “What exactly do you mean by ‘jealous’?”

He smirked. “What do you think it means?”

I shrugged, slightly embarrassed. “I’m not sure. I’ve never really been good at”—I gestured to him and me—“this.”

“And what exactly is”—he mimicked my action—“this.”

“You tell me.” His avoiding answers were starting to irritate me.

He placed his hand on my shoulder. “Well. I happen to like you being around, which is convenient since you’re going to be with us for a very long time. But more than that, there’s something about you that keeps me on my toes, makes me wonder. I like it.”

I smiled, feeling my cheeks warm slightly. “That’s good to know.”

“Please don’t expect me to fall over myself and profess my undying love, though.” Collin looked at me hopefully, as though the very thought of being overtly romantic was making him ill. “It’s really not my style, and I don’t think it would benefit either of us.”

-

* * *

 

-

Shiloh trailed behind me as we ducked under the yellow tape barring the entrance to Pages. The outer edges of the doorway were singed black, and the windows bad been broken, possibly by firefighters. I inhaled as we stepped through the threshold, and my nose was assaulted by several pungent aromas—dirt, soot, and smoke were the majority. I trailed behind Shiloh as we scaled the staircase, which was barely holding on and creaked with each step we took.

I choked back a sob as we stepped onto the third floor. There was a hole in the center of the space, the tips of it were traced with black smoke damaged, and the scent of burning venom clung to the air. It had been weeks since I had witnessed Nora’s death. I couldn’t believe I could still smell it. Then again, my sense of smell had increased significantly.

Shiloh gazed down at the spot for a moment before crossing to the wall. There was no need to tell her where the secret passage was; she found it immediately. I poked my head through the opening, and I gasped. Sitting in the middle of the narrow walkway was Nora’s journal. I snatched it up and offered it to Shiloh. She took it, and for a moment, she actually looked somewhat sad.

“We must go,” she said without looking at me.

We returned to the den quickly, but rather than descend the staircase, Shiloh called for Dex. He climbed out of the den slowly, regarding us with a perplexed expression. She said nothing to him. Instead, she crossed to him and presented him with the journal. He turned his head down and cradled the leather bound book to his chest, and the strangest thing happened. He started to cry. Tears spilled down his cheeks like waterfalls, and he fell to his knees.

It was the strangest sight, and yet, something told me it was more than appropriate. There was something in the way he cried that struck me as different. As Shiloh returned to my side, a thought came to me.

“You aren’t his leannán.” It was more like a shocked announcement than an actual question. She shook his head, confirming my suspicion. I turned to her, and this time I did ask a question. “Nora?”

“Yes,” she confirmed. “When she became a vampire, the Elders would have demanded her life, and they would have killed him out of pity and mercy. You see, though a Walker may find another leannán, the death of the first is so damaging, they are usually unable to contemplate anything but their pain. We informed the Elders that we had joined after her death. We informed Una, Tobin, Collin, and Riklin, as well.”

“They don’t know the truth?” I was shocked that she would lie to the others. It seemed so unlike her.

“It was a necessity,” she answered sadly. “It was also for their protection. If Nora had been exposed, all knowing parties would have suffered the consequences.”

“What will happen to him now?” I gestured to Dex.

“He will endure,” she reassured me. “I know for a fact the last thing Nora would want is for him to fall into disuse. But he will need us.” She turned to me. “All of us.”

-

* * *

 

-

I breezed down the stairwell and opened the door to the den, silent as a ghost. My face was set with a grim, yet determined expression. Although this wasn’t the first time I had approached Shiloh alone, it was the first time I had come with a confession. After talking to Collin about Edward and everything that had happened to me in Forks, I made the decision to tell Shiloh everything. According to Una, before I could fully join their pack, or whatever it was called, I had to speak with Shiloh alone. It was known as _aideachadh,_ or simply, confession.

Shiloh was already seated on the old couch when I arrived, the same blank expression on her face. I took a seat at the end, and I clasped my hands together in a tight death grip.

“You wished to speak to me,” Shiloh said. It wasn’t a statement.

“Yes,” I confirmed, lowering my eyes. “I wanted to … I needed … uh, I don’t know how to do this.”

" _Aideachadh_ ,” she stated. I nodded. “You may begin whenever necessary.”

I took a deep breath, and knowing that the longer I put it off, the more difficult it would be, I started speaking.

“When I first moved to Washington, I met a boy named Edward.” I was relieved that I could say his name without feeling any pain. “I noticed there was something different about him and his family, but I couldn’t really put my finger on it. After spending time with him, and doing a little research on my own, I found out that he was a vampire.”

Shiloh’s eyes cut to mine.

“I started spending time with him, and I … we … grew attached to each other. We fell in love.” _Or so I thought_. “A pack of vampires came through, and one of them figured that hunting me would be a great game. I told you about this. He made me believe that he had my mother, so I would face him alone. That was when I was bitten. Edward sucked the venom out of me before I could change. He saved my life.

“This last September, during my birthday celebration, I ended up getting a paper cut. One of Edward’s family members, Jasper, lost control and attacked me. I had to get stitches in my arm. A few days later, Edward told me that he didn’t want me with him. He left me alone in the woods. He didn’t just break my heart, though, he broke me.”

There was a moment of silence, and Shiloh and I just stared at one another.

After what felt like five minutes, Shiloh’s eyebrows rose slightly. “Is there anything else? Anything more you have to tell me?”

I blinked once. Twice. This was what I had stressed out for months, and she was acting as though it didn’t matter. “Don’t you have anything else to say?”

“Such as?” She looked momentarily confused, but as the seconds ticked by, a wave of understanding washed away the misapprehension. “You believe the idea that you have loved a leech would displease me?”

“Well … yes,” I admitted shyly. “I kind of thought maybe you’d want to go up to Washington and kill them. I mean, you all take such pleasure in hating and killing them, I figured—“

“That I would hold you to our laws over something that occurred before you knew we existed?” She smiled softly. “Our way of life is strict, Bella, but it is not unfair. There is no reason for the others or myself to uproot ourselves and go to Washington. Seven leeches is not a justified reason. In addition, we are not on a quest to rid the world of vampires. Such an act would kill us. I would also be quite the hypocrite if I were to punish you for your past.”

She was speaking about her true leannán, the boy who had been responsible for the Purge. I still didn’t know much about him, but something told me that Shiloh would not tell me. I could understand. If I had thought it wise, I would have carried my secret about the Cullens to the grave.

I turned my focus to the floor and frowned. “How did you do it? How did you get over him?”

She chuckled softly. “What makes you think I have?”

I shifted back to her. “Is that why you’re so emotionless? Are you still mourning his death?”

She shook her head. “He is not dead. This may sound strange to you, but I would know if he were dead. I cannot explain it, but I know he is out there. I can feel him. He is waiting.”

I leaned toward her. “Waiting for what?”

Her eyes sharpened, and she pulled her lips over her teeth wickedly. “For me to kill him.”

The look she offered terrified me, and for once, I decided not to push. Although there was a part of me that hoped I would be there when she found him again.

-

* * *

 

-

It had been two weeks since I had said goodbye to my mother and Phil, and for some reason, I found myself in their neighborhood one night. I stuck to the shadows, and I paused every time I saw them pass by the window. Renee was fluttering around the house, pulling pictures off of walls and stuffing boxes full of odds and ends. Phil had accepted the job that Dex had secured for him, and they were moving in three days. It was strange to know that I would be living without either of my parents close by. What was even stranger was the fact that they had not packed up my old room.

I peeked in through the window and gasped. Everything was exactly as I had left it. Were they waiting to see if I would come back, or were they giving me a chance to grab anything I wanted to keep? I couldn’t be sure. In an act of sheer lunacy, I urged my bedroom window opened and climbed inside. For a moment, I just stood there. My bedroom, once a source of comfort, felt alien to me. I wasn’t drawn to it as I once was. I shook my head, knowing that if I dwelled too long on it, I might freak out.

I ruffled through my knick knacks, and after digging for a few minutes, I discovered a photo album that I had forgotten that I had kept. It was a small, three ring album with a few pages of pictures from Forks. It was a commemoration album from prom or something. I flipped through the pictures of teenagers whose names I could hardly remember. I grew frustrated as I stared at a blond boy with sparkling blue eyes, willing myself to remember his name. Nothing.

I was about to throw the album across the room, when something caught my eye. At the very back of the album was a picture of me—human me—and an otherworldly creature. The color of his hair and eyes told me who it was, but I realized that I had forgotten what he had looked like. I traced the outlines of his face and silently mouthed, “Edward.”

I took a seat at the edge of my bed and just stared at the picture. How many times had I cried over him? How many nightmares had he caused? And yet, had he not have cut me loose, I would have never come to Jacksonville. I would have never met Collin, and the chain of events that led me to my true purpose in life would have never occurred. As much as I begrudged it, Edward was responsible for my current happiness.

I breathed out a long breath, a soft growl exiting along with it. I looked back at the picture one last time and muttered a soft, “Thank you, Edward” before returning the album to its place.

I plucked a picture of Renee and Phil from my desk as well as one of my dad, and I opened my closet door. The smell of a vampire hit me, and I had to keep myself from ripping the clothes to pieces. Alice’s scent still clung to these clothes. None of them could fit me now. The jeans and shirts were too short. I had been fortunate to find something at the thrift store. It was a long, slim-fitting, black t-shirt and a pair of black jeans that conformed to my body in a strangely flattering manner. I had yet to obtain a pair of boots, though. Apparently, that was something I would get later on.

I glanced back at my bedroom, at my human life. With a deep sigh, I climbed out the window.

I didn’t look back as I walked into the night. This wasn’t my life anymore. Then again, maybe it was never meant to be. It was just a pit stop. I stopped walking and smiled to myself. Everything in my life had led up to this. Every stubbed toe, broken heart, and loss had brought me one step closer to what I was meant to be. I’d never give much thought to how my actions had truly shaped my life, but now I knew.

I knew that if I’d never gone to Forks, I probably wouldn’t have been where I was today.

There was a shuffle beside me, and I turned to find Collin beside me. He smiled in a playful way, and he jerked his head to the left, indicating that I should follow him. In the blink of an eye, he was gone, vanished into the night.

My lips curled up in a wicked grin, and without much thought, I sped after him.

This was what I was meant to be.

I wasn’t meant to be some domesticated creature, living my days out until I died.

I am fast.

I am strong.

I am everything that I should be.

I am a Walker. A hunter of vampires.

I know where I belong. 


	29. Epilogue

Epilogue

“Stop fidgeting,” Una chided and slapped at my hands, which were anxiously running over the newly formed leather covering my body. “You are starting to make me nervous. You look fine.”

“Easy for you to say,” I complained, scowling back at the two women flanking me, whose names I had forgotten. They had spent the last two hours scrubbing me clean, cutting my hair, and painting patterns on my arms. I looked down at the bizarre, twisting symbols twining around my biceps. “You haven’t been manhandled all day.”

She rolled her eyes. “You’re being overdramatic. You were not manhandled. They just wanted you to look presentable. Did you expect you could just walk before the High Elders as you were? We have all had to go through it, so stop complaining. At least you are not getting joined with a leannán. That is something completely different and invasive.”

I turned and frowned at her. Una’s short, blonde hair was not in its usual disarray. It was smoothed back with gel, or mousse, or something, which gave her a businesslike appearance. Had she not been dressed in the traditional Walker attire, I could have sworn she was on her way to a meeting of some sorts.

-

 

* * *

 

_We had left the United States on a Tuesday, and after stowing aboard a massive tanker and finding a nook where our presence would go unnoticed, we had settled in for a week long voyage across the Atlantic Ocean. The time had passed quickly, though, as the majority of the journey had been spent preparing for what was to come. I learned things about the purebloods that I had never learned in the large tomes. For instance, it was never wise to bare teeth at a pureblood. They perceived it as a threat. Rix was different, since he had spent time around humans._

_The days melted into one another, and I was pleasantly surprised when Rix had told me that we were pulling into port._

_After disembarking, Shiloh had led us on a decently long run through the open, somewhat frozen, countryside of Sweden. The freezing wind cut through the air, but it didn’t bother me or the others. My body temperature was significantly higher than it had been as a human. I smiled as the flakes of snow floated toward my skin, only to melt two inches away from it. Overcome by the sheer splendor of the world around me, as well as my excitement over my place with the Walkers, I let out a cry of joy. It was echoed by the shouts and hollers of the rest of our group—Collin, Una, Tobin, and even Rix, joined in._

_We crossed into a reserve called Sarek National Park, and if I had been amazed by the natural beauty of the country up until that point, I was blown away by what I saw there. Mountains, taller than anything I had seen in Washington, crossed the horizon, casting magnificent shadows on the valleys below. Their peaks were topped with snow that glistened, even in the muted daylight. A long, winding river cut in between the mountains, the water reflecting the cloudiness above._

_As I trailed behind Shiloh, I noted that she was dashing straight toward one of the larger mountains. A shiver ran through me, and I wondered if we would run up the side of it. However, she stopped quickly, coming to a stop about twenty feet from the rocky surface. At the base of the mountain was an opening. Before I could question where it had come from, Shiloh started running again._

_The entrance led to a massive, underground cavern, which in turn, held a giant lake. Despite the freezing temperatures, this one was somewhat temperate, possibly heated by an underwater hot spring. I dipped my hands in and noticed it was very warm, but not insanely hot. My attention was focused on the pleasing warmth of the water, so I didn’t acknowledge the quickened footsteps behind me. Collin leapt over my head, spinning through the air, and dove headfirst into the water. He was quickly followed by the others, including Shiloh._

_I warily made my way into the warm, yet murky water, feeling around the dirty earth beneath my feet, hoping that I didn’t get bitten. It was a reactionary fear, though. Realistically, I knew that there was nothing in that water that could harm me. Shiloh led us beneath the water, down to nearly the bottom of the lake. How on earth something that deep could exist on land was beyond me._

_As we moved through the dark water, I was shocked by how easy it was for me to move in the water. With one stroke of my hand, I could propel my body across the entire length of the lake. My strength knew no bounds. I also found that, while I couldn’t breathe beneath the water, I could hold my breath indefinitely, which helped a great deal. However, I curbed the desire to fully test my power under the water, and instead, I trailed dutifully behind Shiloh and the others._

_We maneuvered through a deep chasm at the base of the lake, and as I swam, I felt my body beginning to rise up. Almost as though we were about to—_

_My head broke through the surface of the water, and I released the air that I had been holding in. Water streamed and beaded off my hair, and I shook my head once to clear away the excess clinging to my eyebrows. I hopped out of the water easily, brushing the greenery and dirt from my body. I turned away from the others, who were repeating my actions, and gazed up at what was before me. I gasped._

_I stood at the mouth of a giant cave opening, and beyond was something I could not believe I was seeing. It was a city, made almost entirely of stone. Giant, dark blue pillars stretched up to the top, possibly preventing cave-ins. They were etched with intricate swirls, lines, and a language that I could not identify. The city was a vista of stark angles and stone surfaces—surfaces too great to belong to anything human, and, as with the pillars, they were inscribed with images and symbols. Buildings of multiple sizes and shapes stretched as far as I could see, almost a hundred of them. At the center of the vast, ancient landscape was a single, monolith-type citadel. The underground city was illuminated by strings of bright, shining strings of rope. They lined the walkways, outside edges of buildings, and circled around the pillars. The illumination made the city glow an eerie cerulean color._

_“Follow me close,” Shiloh instructed in a tense voice, and I noticed that her posture was rigid, more so than usual. She turned and caught my eye. “Be careful.”_

_The streets were cobbled with the same stones that made up everything else, and they, too, glowed._

_“Shiloh?” I sidled up beside her. “What is this place made of?”_

_“The stones of the mountain.” It was Dex who explained. Shiloh kept her lips closed and her eyes focused ahead. “During the excavation, we discovered a vast amount of sturdy rock at the mountain’s base. Our Elders were enchanted by the way they seemed to glow in light.”_

_“We?” I was bemused. “You helped build this place?”_

_“Of course,” he answered, somewhat smug. “I was in charge of designing the Elder Hall”—he pointed to the giant structure at the center of the area—“It’s where the Elders meet and discuss issues. It is also where you shall be officially inducted.”_

_“How long did all this take?” I couldn’t imagine that it took anything less than a hundred years._

_“About ten years,” he answered. When I responded in shock and awe, he smiled. “We weren’t hindered by the issues that humans face. We could work seven days straight and never grow tired.”_

_I smiled softly but remained quiet. After a few moments of walking, I slowed my pace and fell in step with Collin and Una. We moved through the quiet streets, and I glanced around nervously. “Where is everyone?”_

_“They are watching us,” Una answered simply, and she pointed up to a tall, five story building. Although the windows were dark, I could see the unmistakable, light-reflective eyes of the Walkers staring back at me. It was an eerie sensation._

_“They have every right to be anxious,” Tobin stiffly interjected. His words were laced with an underlying pain that was too great for me to understand. “After all the pain they’ve suffered, they should discriminate against anyone who walks into their home. It’s the only way to stay safe.”_

_Our footsteps were soft and barely echoed through the massive cavern, however, as I focused my attention to what I could hear, I became aware of a continuous, rhythmic pulsing. Many fast, fluttering heartbeats, joining together to create one large cacophony of life, reverberated through the space. It was amazing, and for some reason, I found it very beautiful._

_At the speed we were moving, it took us a long time to get to the center of the city. I was slowly becoming irritated with all the sneaking around. We were Walkers, too, after all. Why were they hiding? Surely they could sense that what we were. A low, audible growl left my lungs, and I immediately felt a hand wrap around my wrist. It was Collin’s._

_“Quiet,” he chastised softly, steadily releasing me from his grip. His eyes darted to the side before returning to my own. “Now is not the time to lose your nerve.”_

_I nodded and resolved to keep my nervousness and irritation to myself. So rather than continue to observe the haunting beauty around me, I focused all attention on my feet. They were bare, since I still didn’t have my own set of boots, but my skin was resistant to almost everything. The stony surface felt like soft feathers, as though I were walking on a cloud. I marveled at the way the ground glowed, shimmered almost. It was so beautiful. It was unlike anything I had ever witnessed in the human world. It was—_

_I ran into Tobin’s back with a soft thump. Startled by the sudden impact, I arched my back and growled, but it was cut short. We were surrounded. There were about ten of them. All were dressed in the traditional Walker attire, but with a couple noticeable differences. There was a black hood attached to the fabric behind their necks, and it was pulled up over their heads. In addition, they all wore black masks that concealed their mouths, and they were covered in bright blue embroidery. The stitching seemed to glow in the dark._

_I was trying to decide whether to attack or run, when Shiloh stepped forward. She extended both her hands at her sides and bent forward. At the same time, one of the strangers moved toward her and mimicked her bow._

_“Fáilte, Aoife,” he stated clearly. He peeled back his hood and mask, revealing a youthful face beneath. His hair was dark, as Shiloh’s was, and the angles of his face were sharp and defining. He smiled widely, and in three long strides, he closed the distance between them and wrapped his arms around her. “Fad saol agat, mo dheirfiúr, mo ghrá.”_

_I turned to Una and shook my head, silently asking, “What’s happening?”_

_She smirked. “That is Lorcan. He is the leader of the city guard, and he is Shiloh’s brother.”_

_My mouth opened slightly, and When Shiloh turned around and faced us, I could easily see how they were related. Their faces curved in a similar manner, the way their eyes curved slightly sideways identical, but it was their expressions that differed. As she spoke to him, his eyes were alit with joy, and his mouth pulled up into a wondrous smirk. He looked friendly and mischievous, completely unlike Shiloh._

-

 

* * *

 

 

-

 

“Are you paying attention?” Una snapped her fingers in front of my face, and I quickly brushed away my memories of before. She frowned disapprovingly. “We are about to start. As your Maoirseoir, I will enter first and announce you. You will be told when to follow. Do you understand?”

 

I nodded, my nerves kicking in again. 

All newly turned receptors were required to have a seasoned Walker with them at all times. It was to keep them from accidentally hurting someone should they get too angry. This position was called the Maoirseoir, which loosely translated meant overseer. It had to be someone who was at least one hundred years of age, had experience with newly turned receptors, someone who the receptor knew and trusted, and last, they had to be someone of the same gender. Shiloh wasn’t an option since she was a ceannaire. There was only Una. I was a little disappointed that it wasn’t Collin, but I understood why it was necessary for a female to take that position. They had to be objective, which was something Collin was not—at least, not since I had become a Walker.

 

Una turned away from me, and I let my eyes trail down to my feet. They were no longer bare. The first day we had arrived, after the pleasantries had been dispensed, I was carted over to a strange place with a great roaring fire at the center. It was there that Shiloh had instructed me on how to create my boots. It took less time than I had anticipated. This was due largely to the fact that they had a large supply of venom-imbued leather already. I had paid close attention as she had shown me how to mold the leather to my legs. The way I had massaged and urged the material was almost hypnotic, beautiful.

 

When I had finished, I stood in the mirror and gaped at my new accoutrements. They hugged my calves in a comfortable, reaffirming manner, and when I stepped forward, they held firm. Shiloh had led me outside and instructed me to test their resilience. I had struck out with my right foot at a large boulder and had watched in amazement as it shattered. The boots, on the other hand, were undamaged.

 

Now, my throat tightened as the tall, twin doors swung open, and Una stepped through. She disappeared into the great room that lay beyond the threshold, and the doors closed behind her. I was left alone, with the exception of the torturous women behind me.

 

I stepped away from the doors, and instead, I moved to a window. The underground city glittered beyond. I could almost imagine living here, almost imagine what it would be like if this place had been my home from the very beginning. If I were to move down her, what would I miss? Would I miss the air? The sky? The grass?

 

Behind me, a door opened. It wasn’t the same one that Una had just walked through. I turned and found myself standing in front of Collin. He smiled and greeted me warmly, and for some reason, I couldn’t help myself. I ran toward him and launched my body into his arms. His arms encircled me protectively, and I smiled when I inhaled his specific scent.

 

“I can’t stay long,” he explained apologetically. “I just wanted to come see if you were okay.”

 

“It’s just so … overwhelming,” I answered slowly, gesturing to the shining city beyond the window. “I can’t believe this is real.”

 

“I know,” he remarked softly. “I felt the same way when I came here. I stood at this very window and said almost the exact same words.”

 

We stood there for a few, brief moments, observing the outside world and reveling in one another’s company. However, as we enjoyed the brief reprieve from the past few days, there came a sound, and I noticed his back was suddenly straight as an arrow. He turned to me and placed a kiss on my forehead, before he skirted back through the door he came from, and I was left alone again.

 

The giant, twin doors parted, and I hurried to my spot. I took a deep breath and stepped into the chamber.

 

-

 

* * *

 

 

-

 

In a sense, the audience chamber reminded me of the Walkers’ burrow back in Jacksonville. It was dark, there was an unmistakable earth smell that clung to the air, and the tiny bits of illumination made the place look sinister. If I were watching a movie, that chamber would have been undoubtedly where they made the blood sacrifice. The room was perfectly bisected by a walkway, which ran down the entire length of the chamber. There were tons of bodies on either side, all of them dressed in Walker regalia. Apparently, my confirmation, if that was what you could call it, was the event of the century. There were easily about two hundred bodies in the space. Each one of them turned to gawk at me as I made my way to the front of the room.

 

With every pair of eyes in the room trained on me, I felt my heartbeat begin to increase. It is punctuated by a loud thudding, a rhythmic pulsing. I realized then that the others were stomping their feet in unison. The closer I got to the platform, the quicker it became. I could feel their excitement radiating off their bodies, and for some reason, it actually started to quell my fear. They were happy that I was there.

 

I reached the front, all sounds were silenced, and I got my first look at Oren and Dechtire—the High Elders.

 

There was no other word to describe Dechtire, Shiloh’s mother, but gorgeous. She had long, cascading locks of dark hair that fell to the small of her back. Her pale face was heart-shaped, similar to mine, with a prominent widow’s peak on her forehead. Her eyes were angular, similar to Shiloh’s. She smiled warmly at me as I approached, but there was an authority behind her expression, one that silently commanded respect.

 

Oren was unlike anything I have come to expect. He was very tall, easily six inches taller than me, with broad shoulders, and muscles that protruded from his clothes. He wore a black, sleeveless shirt, and a long pair of pants, both made of thin fabric. His expression was calm, collected, and devoid of outward emotion. It was here that I could see his resemblance to Shiloh. They had the same eyes, facial structure, hair color, and most importantly, the same manner.

 

Realizing that I may have been staring for too long, I bent at the waist while simultaneously bringing three fingers to the middle of my forehead. I was careful to sweep my right leg behind me and bow elegantly. This was the proper greeting for an Elder.

 

I kept my eyes focused on the ground, and in a strong voice I announced, “Dia Duit.”

 

It was the formal way of saying, “hello” in the Walkers’ tongue.

 

Imagine my surprise when a strong, masculine voice said, “Greetings, Isabella. You may rise.”

 

I complied and stared at him in awe. “I was unaware that you spoke my language, Lord Oren.”

 

He chuckled lightly. “I have been well trained in all manners of diplomacy. There is no language on this Earth that I cannot speak.”

 

I nodded but remained silent. As he descended the tiny staircase separating the two of us, I found it impossible not to swoon. One of my favorite stories of the Walkers’ past had been the sacrifice of Oren’s mother, Aednat. The bravery that she had shown moved me in a way I had never thought possible.

 

“I have heard much about you, young Isabella.” Oren smiled reverently, clasping his hands in front of him and regarding me with a neutral expression. “In spite of your weak, human form, you endured the training necessary to becoming one of us. In the face of fear and doubt, you persevered and found your strength. When the life of my daughter was threatened, though she was not your ceannaire, and you had no allegiance to her, you stepped into the void. You sacrificed yourself to save the life of my daughter, as well as those who serve her. The bravery you have exhibited is far beyond the skill of any receptor I have known. There is nothing else to say but thank you.”

 

With that, Oren bent forward, clasping his hands to his chest and lowering his eyes. At the same time, every single Walker in the audience chamber mimicked his bow. I stood there, gazing around at the many figures bowing to me, and I didn’t know what to do. After a few long, drawn out seconds, they rose simultaneously.

 

“Before we begin with our celebrations,” Oren said, stepping closer to me and taking my hands in his, “I wish to extend to you an offer. A brave child such as yourself would be of great use here in the city. You would be trained as a diplomat, sent to various, exotic locations to learn languages and cultures that are not our own. You would serve as my personal emissary. What say you?”

 

Hundreds of possible destinations flashed before my eyes, but they seemed shallow. No. That wasn’t my purpose. I shook my head. I knew what I had to do.

 

“The stories of your generosity were not exaggerated, Lord Oren,” I said clearly, smiling from ear to ear. “Unfortunately, I must decline. You see”—I glanced back at Shiloh, who was standing to my right, along with the others—“I have a debt to pay. Everything you see before you is a result of Aoife. She saved me in more ways that I can possibly explain. I owe her my life—if she’ll have me, that is.”

 

Appearing pleased with my response, and Oren gestured to Shiloh. “What say you, Daughter?”

 

“Bíodh sé amhlaidh. Blood of my blood—flesh of my flesh.” Shiloh stepped forward, and I turned to face her. In her hand was a long silver dagger, one that was remarkably similar to the one Constantine had possessed. As I watched, she drew the blade across her palm and extended her hand to me. The sight of her blood cutting its own twisted path through her skin was fascinating. She knelt to the floor. “I swear upon my blood and my soul to protect and guide you to the best of my ability. Do you accept my offering?”

 

I stared at her on the floor; her spine was curved forward, and her eyes were focused on the ground. My lips curled up in a smile as I took a step toward her. “I accept.”

 

In the blink of the eye, Shiloh rose from her position, and much to my surprise, she lifted me up onto her shoulder. “Seo an Isabella! **A chuisle mo chroí!”**

The crowds rose up and swarmed us, each member of the city urging forward to touch me. Shiloh lowered me, and I found myself in a multitude of embraces. I simply responded to every well wish with, “Faol saol agat,” which meant ‘long life to you.’

 

Finally, when the majority of the masses had filed out into the streets, shouting and singing strange songs all the way there, I found my way back to the others. I found myself wrapped up in Collin’s arms immediately, the others forming a protective circle around us.

 

They were my family, after all. Tobin, Rix, Una, Dex, Collin, and Shiloh. I loved them with all my heart, and I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, I would die for them. I felt a soft hand on my shoulder, and I turned to see Shiloh smiling warmly at me. She called the others to attention, and in a somewhat exasperated voice, she said, “Let’s go home.”

-

-

-

-

-

**Author's Note: The following section was originally intended for the sequel. However, since there won't be a sequel, I wanted to post this in answer to the endless questions about Edward's motivations. I hope this answers them.**

* * *

_Alice Cullen POV_

Having given up on his relentless attempts to cheer me up, Jasper slunk out the front door and disappeared into the woods, my foul mood having finally chased him away. It wasn’t that I didn’t appreciate what he was trying to do; I just didn’t see the merit in it. He would make me smile for fifteen minutes, thirty minutes, or maybe even an hour, but despite how eagerly he would attempt to maintain that happiness, I would inevitably sink back into my pit of loneliness and heartache. After all, there was only one person that could assuage my suffering, one who could make this darkness leave our lives forever—but he was too much of an arrogant ass to do such a thing.

I pulled my knees to my chest and glanced at my large closet, sniffling and burying my head into my awaiting hands. Hanging in the doorframe was a deep indigo, knee-length dress. It was meant for her; it _had been_ meant for her. But she was gone. So the dress was just there, hanging lifelessly, existing without a purpose.

After Bella’s disastrous birthday party, she had vanished from my visions completely. It had scared me and Edward, and he had been convinced that it was a sign. A sign of what, I don’t know. He had interpreted her disappearance to mean that our presence in her life would ultimately lead to her death. Despite my attempts to assuage his decisions, to remind him, for quite possibly the thousandth time, that my visions were not infallible, he had brought up the concept of leaving Forks to the family. But he had been overruled. Carlisle and Esme knew exactly why he was choosing that path, and they had refused to enable his self-destructive behavior. If only I had been that brave. Instead, I had let Edward railroad me into the worst decision of my life. I wasn’t exactly sure why I had let him bully me in the first place. Perhaps it was because he had used Jasper against me. Yes, that was probably why.

I heard Edward heave a sigh from his bedroom, and my nostrils flared in response. _I’ll never forgive you for this._

It took him a few minutes to respond, and when he did, his voice was hollow, monotone, as if he was reading a script. “She’ll be safer in Jacksonville … away from us … from me.”

_Save your self-depreciation for someone who hasn’t been listening to it for fifty years._

“Maybe I should leave,” he mumbled, and I heard the unmistakable sound of his hand running through his hair. He always did that when he was frustrated. “I’m making everyone miserable.”

_You just don’t get it, do you? It isn’t you making everyone miserable—it’s your choices. Esme and Carlisle loved Bella as a daughter. Emmett, Jasper, and I cared for her as a sister, and Rosalie … well… Rose has her own way of showing affection. She cared enough for Bella to want her safe._

“Is it so wrong for me to want the same thing for her?” He was annoyed. “Do you think I wanted to chase her away like this? Wasn’t it you and Rose who said she would never let me go unless she hated me?”

_Don’t you dare try to pin this on me and Rose! We were pointing out the futility of your attempts. It certainly wasn’t an invitation for you to torture her, Edward. I mean, honestly. Jessica? Couldn’t you have picked another method? Now that insipid child won’t leave us alone. Your imbecilic solution has created a massive problem. If her attention brings the Volturi on us, it WILL be your fault._

“I’m not worried about her—she’ll eventually stop. I plan on making it abundantly clear that I am not interested.” Edward sighed, and he stopped pacing. “Regardless, it worked, didn’t it?”

_Yes, Edward. Congratulations. You succeeded in chasing Bella away from her friends, her father, her home, and everything else she’s grown to love. You sent her to a world she knows nothing about, into the arms of a flighty mother who loves from a distance, to a city she’s unfamiliar with. I hope you’re proud of yourself!_

Edward growled. “Leave her alone, Alice. Don’t look for her future. She needs to have a normal life … away from us.”

_Aahh! I’m sick of you rationalizing your self-flagellation. Stop it, Edward. And while you’re at it, stop dictating what I should and shouldn’t do with myself. It makes me sick to think that I actually sided with you. Besides, I already told you, I haven’t been able to see Bella since after her birthday party. I have no idea if she’s happy or sad … or if she’s even alive._

“Don’t say that.” He appeared in my doorway, his face panicked. It was clear the same fear had been running through his mind. It was no secret that he had expected that Bella’s future would reappear when she had moved away. When it hadn’t, Edward had almost lost his mind. He had purposely eavesdropped on Chief Swan’s phone calls, hoping he would hear good news, and he had also entertained the idea of going to Jacksonville to keep an eye on her. “She’s going to live a long, happy life, and she’s going to die a grandmother.”

I stood up, my shoulders square, and I glared at him. “Says who?”

“That’s the way it’s supposed to be,” Edward answered through clenched teeth. “She’s supposed to live, love, and die—just like all humans.”

“Just like all humans?” I shook my head. “Are you really that dense? What if she went to Jacksonville and was hit by a bus? More appropriately, what if she fell down some stairs and broke her neck? Or, just another example, what if she was hit by a van driven by a boy named Tyler?”

Edward blanched as I replayed the memory of that incident: the day he had practically outed us as unordinary. He had intervened in her life when he had saved her from the van, and he didn’t regret it. So why on earth was he so against saving her from death long term? Bella certainly didn’t mind being turned into a vampire, so why was he so against it? Didn’t he want her?

“Of course, I do,” Edward responded to my thoughts, and when I glanced at him, he looked pained. His voice was soft, barely a whisper. “I want her so much, I can hardly see straight. It’s torture being away from her.”

I moved to him and rested my palms on his shoulders—not an easy feat for my 4’11’’ self. Despite my anger at him, I loved my brother. He was the only one in my family that truly understood my predicament in life. I knew his intentions had been admirable; it was his execution that had failed. “Then go to her, Edward—tell her how you feel. I don’t need to see the future to know she’ll forgive you.”

He shook his head and stepped away. “I can’t. Every moment I spend with her is a risk to her safety. Her birthday party was proof of that. She deserves better than a half life … she deserves better than me.”

“What about what you deserve?” I smiled up at him, putting as much encouragement in my words and thoughts. “Don’t you deserve to be happy? After years of watching the rest of us paired off and in love, don’t you think you’re entitled to the same? What if you were meant for Bella, and vice versa? What if fate wants you to turn her? To be with her forever?”

He shook his head, but I could see his resolve was waning. “I don’t want her to be a monster.”

“You’re not a monster, Edward,” I replied, exasperated. “Well, when you’re not intentionally being an ass, anyway.”

I opened my mouth to continue, but the sound of a door closing downstairs cut me off. My gaze darkened in anger. There was one person who had taken it upon herself to convince Edward that he was doing the right thing. Rosalie. She was so jealous of Bella’s humanity; she was willing to emotionally cripple both Edward and Bella in an attempt to live vicariously. When she appeared in my doorway, her expression told me that she had been listening for quite awhile.

“Stop trying to force Edward to do what you want, Alice,” Rosalie chastised, and she rested her hand on his shoulder. “He’s made the right decision.”

Edward showed no appreciation for Rosalie’s interference. He could, without a doubt, tell that she was backing him up for purely selfish reasons. Couldn’t he? Of course, he could. My brother could be a brute, but beneath his teenaged exterior lived a very wise man.

“You’re such a hypocrite, Rose,” I countered, glaring at her menacingly. “The only reason you want Bella to stay human is because you think everyone should live the life _You_ ”—I pointed my finger in her face—“wanted. Every human female should aspire to be nothing more than a baby maker! When will you learn that your life and dreams are not the center of everyone’s universe?”

“Attack me all you want,” Rose responded in a steady tone, the tiniest amount of anger appearing in her eyes. I had hit a nerve. “You know that Edward’s right. How many times has Bella been injured in our presence?”

“Humans hurt themselves all the time,” I answered.

“Not all of them are attacked by vampires.” Rose crossed her arms across her chest, looking smugger with every passing second. “And, if I might add, not all humans are attacked by their best friend’s husband for getting a paper cut.”

I flinched at the verbal jab, and I could feel the heat growing inside me.  A vision flashed before my eyes—Rose and me tumbling down a flight of stairs, destroying everything in our path as we fought relentlessly—and it was too tempting to pass up.

I stepped forward, ready to rip her face apart, when something happened.

There was a flash of light, all consuming, all encompassing, and then it went black. A metaphorical blanket was tossed over my eyes, blinding my view of the future. I heard myself shriek as the futures of my entire family were wiped out, blotted away by the darkness. What was happening? I was alone in the dark. I was alone in the dark … again.

“Alice?” Jasper was by my side immediately, his arms wrapped protectively around me. Wave after wave of soothing calmness washed on me. “What’s wrong?”

“My—my vision’s … gone,” I said, staring off into space. I tried to look into the future, but nothing came. The loss of my sight, one of the few constants in my life, panicked me. “Jasper, I can’t see anyone anymore. My visions, they’re just … gone.”

“Is it the wolves?” Rosalie asked. She was standing in a corner, picking at her nails. She couldn’t have looked more disinterested if she had tried. Jasper glared at her indifference, to which she frowned. “Didn’t you say that you had trouble seeing things when they were close?”

I shook my head. “This is different.”

“How?” Jasper asked, tracing the contours of my face with his fingers. His touch was soothing me, and I found that I could focus. “What’s changed?”

“I can tell when something is hidden, and when it’s simply not there.” I tried to find the best words to communicate what I was feeling. I tried once again to look for someone, anyone. I focused on finding Carlisle, but all I felt was darkness, and the same happened with all the others. I couldn’t even see myself. This was a familiar feeling. “Do you remember when Bella vanished from my visions? I knew she was there—I just couldn’t see her. I could feel it. It was like something had covered her, shielded her, maybe. Whenever I tried to look for her, I felt fuzzy and confused.”

Jasper frowned. “What do you mean?”

“Whatever caused Bella to disappear from my visions,” I said slowly. “It’s coming here. Soon.”

 

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\- Translations

Fáilte – Welcome

Fad saol agat, mo dheirfiúr, mo ghrá: Long life to you, my sister, my heart.

Bíodh sé amhlaidh – So be it

Seo an – Behold

A chuisle mo chroí – Blood of my heart

**Please note: The girl who translated these may or may not know gaelic. I'm not entirely convinced she does. LOL.**

**Formal Author's Note:**

**I’ve sat down several times in a vain attempt to convey my thanks and appreciation, but words do not seem adequate enough. I’m not just talking about the warm reception and amazing response I received for The Walkers, but for my experience with the fan fiction world in general. I started this journey a little over four years ago, and I haven’t looked back since.**

**Not only did I meet some awesome ladies and learn more than I ever thought possible about crafting a story, I became an even better writer. I cannot recommend Project Team Beta enough. Since I started working with them, my professors have described my writing as intimidating, strong, and concise. I owe it to writing fan fiction with PTB.**

**I want to send a special shout out to jcat5507, who has been helping me with chapters since January. She has been awesome, always getting my chapters to me quickly and giving honest, thoughtful criticisms. I don’t know what I would have done without her!**

**I also want to thank the readers who have joined me on this journey. Thank you for believing not just in me, but in Shiloh, Nora, Una, Tobin, Rix, Collin, and Dex. They couldn’t have come to life if you guys hadn’t set aside the time to read this story. So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.**

**And, with nothing more to say, I wipe the tears from my eyes and switch this story to complete.**

**Author's Note:**

> Edward and the Cullens will NOT be in this story. They may be referenced, but they will not make an appearance.


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